I'm a widow

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean. I am glad you are getting some interviews. I know they suck but good luck finding something you'll like doing.

A thought on the check made out to the estate, is there a joint account still open? They may let you deposit it. I was able to do that in my state anyway with checks made out to my dad's estate since my name was on their checking account. Good luck getting that settled.

Keeping you in my thoughts.
Marcy

 

[MissGotRocks]

Yes, you can open a small estate on your own. The Register of Wills or whatever the office is called in your state is generally very helpful in these matters. I would not pay an attorney to do this for you if the only item in question is a check. Go into their office and explain your situation. They are usually very helpful in guiding you through the process.

 

[PintoBean]

Grrr... I can't just deposit the check into our joint. The bank requires the letter of administration and some other Mumbo jumbo from the court and it looks like I need to get a tax ID as well from the IRS.

It looks like the car check will be to my name phew!

I definitely need the letter of admin also to deal with his Oppenheimer fund which had no beneficiary named so it goes to the estate . It's less than $3,000 but I have to take care of it before the end of the year for tax reporting reasons. At this point I'm worn out with widow administration lolol so I scanned the letter of admin form I had done my best to populate and sent it to the attorney. It is unusually hot and I don't want to go to the surrogates court.

In less than 2 hours I get blood and urine tested for disability insurance. Hopefully I get approved and don't get hit with high premiums (I think that's what you call the fees?)

There is a woman where I grew up that is going to lose her house bc she didn't pay taxes on it after her husband passed, even though she had the money to! I guess this is why people say weird things to me like how are you even here right now (the vet when I took Bellie for her eye)? I'd be in bed hysterically crying. IDK... bc things need to get done and I'm it? I didn't even consider it an option to do nothing and wallow for weeks or months! Granted my home is far from perfect. I have new clothes piled on my dining room chairs lolol which will stay there until the cleaning lady comes on Saturday. I don't care if the pee pee blood man sees it lololol.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Be sure you get a fee quote from the attorney before you let him proceed. His fees could eat up a good portion of the check.

 

[PintoBean]

Be sure you get a fee quote from the attorney before you let him proceed. His fees could eat up a good portion of the check.

Yes he's only a couple hundred for the letter of administration. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm truly at the point of like fukitol I need a professional to help me.

 

[PintoBean]

I was visiting a friend to buy some dog, I mean cat tags off of him. I realized that I had to replace the tags with my cell and landline instead of Mike's cell and my cell. I was telling him about the money BS with the outlaws and how they didn't even tell me the ashes were back, and he says, oh Rob has them. He kisses them every night.

I'm like no way, this has got to be a joke. He says, he texted this to me! I get a screenshot from him. Nice to let the wife know where her husband's remains are. Honestly I thought it was going to be wake, funeral, crematorium, mausoleum boom boom boom. That's why I didn't want them. What the hell was I hanging on to them for? Begging the cats to re-enact that infamous scene from "Meet the Parents"?

And the award for "funny of the day" goes to @monarch64, who responded hysterically, "Your bil = kiss ash"

 

[MissGotRocks]

Yes he's only a couple hundred for the letter of administration. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm truly at the point of like fukitol I need a professional to help me.

Getting the Letters of Administration is a first step to opening a small estate. Letters to creditors have to be done (I assume there are none) and generally an announcement in a publication so that any creditor can make a claim against an estate. After a period of time, an accounting of the estate has to be made to the court so that the estate can be closed. It really is all a formality - especially in this instance where there is but one asset - and while it can sound overwhelming, it is just a process. There are fees and changes incurred in doing the above publications and such and I would just hate to see you lose half the money between the fees and attorney fees. However, only you can determine how much time or energy you want to put into it so definitely go with your gut feeling on this.

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Believe me, most of us would have reached the fukitol state long ago. Your resilience is renewing my faith in mankind. Thank you for being such an inspiration!

Is kiss-ash married to the cookie stalker lady? My hat is off to you for putting up with these people so gracefully. Your love for your husband is powering that grace. Theirs is manifesting as total weirdness and bizarrely impolite behavior.

Your story about the interviewer reminds me of my all-time favorite movie, Stepbrothers. If that makes me a 12-year-old boy, so be it If you haven't watched the movie, you might find it to be a good distraction.

I was visiting a friend to buy some dog, I mean cat tags off of him. I realized that I had to replace the tags with my cell and landline instead of Mike's cell and my cell. I was telling him about the money BS with the outlaws and how they didn't even tell me the ashes were back, and he says, oh Rob has them. He kisses them every night.

I'm like no way, this has got to be a joke. He says, he texted this to me! I get a screenshot from him. Nice to let the wife know where her husband's remains are. Honestly I thought it was going to be wake, funeral, crematorium, mausoleum boom boom boom. That's why I didn't want them. What the hell was I hanging on to them for? Begging the cats to re-enact that infamous scene from "Meet the Parents"?

And the award for "funny of the day" goes to @monarch64, who responded hysterically, "Your bil = kiss ash"

 

[PintoBean]

@freezing_in_MO - good memory! Kiss-ash is in fact married to cookie stalker and they have 2 golden tickets

 

[Greys0n]

it's a reall tragedy,
Hold on there!

 

[PintoBean]

Oh boy. No more bagels. I cracked a tooth. We are hoping that a filling is enough for now as I'm in the home stretch of Invisalign. I just had my last one for lunch.

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Now you have a good excuse to switch to chocolate cake!

 

[PintoBean]

A special PSer sent my Purtle an orphan baby Steiff slo tortoise. I've named the baby Myrtle.

 

[springerspaniel]

Yes he's only a couple hundred for the letter of administration. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm truly at the point of like fukitol I need a professional to help me.

I prescribe fukitol to many of my patients, by the way...

 

[Matthews1127]

PintoBean,
I am so sorry to read of the loss of your DH.
I hope things come together with the "estate", as I, too, have been saddled with the responsibility of handling my deceased Uncle's estate in Florida...while I live in PA. My mother is the single beneficiary, and she has Alzheimer's DZ, so I had to be appointed and GRANTED to be her Legal, Personal Representative (I've been her POA) by the State of Florida. It has been a grueling process. My Uncle passed 12/15, and I am now in the final stages of liquidating the assets to be transferred to my mother.
I know what you mean, when you say, "Things need to be done, and it's all on me." Hopefully, it has kept you busy enough that you are distracted from constant reminders of his absence...at least for fleeting moments during your week.
I pray you find peace in the midst of chaos.
Love & hugs to you & your family!
CRM

 

[lovedogs]

OMG @PintoBean I absolutely adore the turtles! They are too cute.

 

[gemgirl]

@freezing_in_MO - good memory! Kiss-ash is in fact married to cookie stalker and they have 2 golden tickets

OMG, priceless!!!!!!!

But what the heck is his twin doing with your husband's ashes at his home? Sooooooooo NO!

 

[PintoBean]

My MIL saw a psychic on Friday. It was a reading straight of googling someone. It got me so mad. A handful of PSers have heard me rant. I can't... here's an example. Google an address. One of the first handful of hits will provide a list of people that have lived there and their ages. From there you can match names and family roles...

What I can say is that I dropped during a phone call with MIL last week, that I was seeking an attorney and it made her start stuttering and stammering and she asked what for and I just said oh stuff like letter of admin...

I also told her that my husband needs to be in his permanent resting place NOw! Leaving him out and about is begging for an accident to happen, a la "meet the parents". She replies well we need to get him in before the end of the year or else we lose the current year's rate. WTF? Money again? And she again said it's difficult to sync up everyone's schedule, so I said get him in there NOw and do the ceremony later. She claims the ashes are in the curio in her living room. She did go to her son's house on Sunday... who knows.

 

[valeria101]

It got me so mad.

You are very generous - giving a damn !

 

[Karl_K]

thoughts and prayers continue.

 

[mochiko42]

OMG Pinto, your ongoing inlaw saga is just nuts, like some surreal/absurdist black comedy.
Glad you are keeping a sense of equilibrium. Hugs xx

 

[freezing_in_MO]

I didn't see the psychic coming, despite the cookie stalking and ash kissing.



This might be some kind of PTSD.

Shows how strong you are to be the person most intimately involved, yet the only one to retain her sanity.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Good for you Pinto that you were able to stand up to your MIL! Clearly, by her stammering, she knows she has done something wrong. I will never understand how they could have accepted the money- not to mention all the other stuff.

Prayer and hugs.

 

[gemgirl]

My MIL saw a psychic on Friday. It was a reading straight of googling someone. It got me so mad. A handful of PSers have heard me rant. I can't... here's an example. Google an address. One of the first handful of hits will provide a list of people that have lived there and their ages. From there you can match names and family roles...

What I can say is that I dropped during a phone call with MIL last week, that I was seeking an attorney and it made her start stuttering and stammering and she asked what for and I just said oh stuff like letter of admin...

I also told her that my husband needs to be in his permanent resting place NOw! Leaving him out and about is begging for an accident to happen, a la "meet the parents". She replies well we need to get him in before the end of the year or else we lose the current year's rate. WTF? Money again? And she again said it's difficult to sync up everyone's schedule, so I said get him in there NOw and do the ceremony later. She claims the ashes are in the curio in her living room. She did go to her son's house on Sunday... who knows.

Ahhh, so they didn't buy a space in the mausoleum for M. In conversation, whenever you have a chat with her again, (oiy), you might want to drop the little piece of important information that as practicing Catholics, as you assume they are since they had a priest at the funeral home, we are strictly *not allowed* to take possession of someone's cremated remains. Whether interred into a gravesite or interred into a mausoleum, the body must be treated with the same respect in death as it was given in life. For that reason, the remains usually go from funeral home to crematorium to cemetery. That's what we're required to do, but perhaps she either didn't know, or she allowed a little bit of money to get in the way of what the right thing to do is. She's some peach of a mother.

 

[Hayley87]

Ahhh, so they didn't buy a space in the mausoleum for M. In conversation, whenever you have a chat with her again, (oiy), you might want to drop the little piece of important information that as practicing Catholics, as you assume they are since they had a priest at the funeral home, we are strictly *not allowed* to take possession of someone's cremated remains. Whether interred into a gravesite or interred into a mausoleum, the body must be treated with the same respect in death as it was given in life. For that reason, the remains usually go from funeral home to crematorium to cemetery. That's what we're required to do, but perhaps she either didn't know, or she allowed a little bit of money to get in the way of what the right thing to do is. She's some peach of a mother.

Another Catholic here

The 1997 revised appendix of the Order of Christian Burials explicitly states in section 417 that cremated remains should be interred and not kept in a private home:

"The cremated remains of a body should be treated with the same respect given to the human body from which they come. This includes the use of a worthy vessel to contain the ashes, the manner in which they are carried, the care and attention to appropriate placement and transport, and the final disposition. The cremated remains should be buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium. The practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. Whenever possible, appropriate means for recording with dignity the memory of the deceased should be adopted, such as a plaque or stone which records the name of the deceased."

(Additional information from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB): http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/bereavement-and-funerals/cremation-and-funerals.cfm)

I'm not sure if you wanted to use the Catholic teaching itself, but I figured I'd do the legwork for you, PB

 

[pregcurious]

Dear Pinto,

I am so sorry for you loss. I haven't been on PS consistently for several years since my parents died. It changed me. As you know, grief comes in waves.

I'm also an introvert, and run away from groups too during hard times. I do not share my sorrows easily, so it is hard to get close to people. I wish I could be one of those people with a tight circle of friends from elementary school, but alas, that is not the way we are.

Coincidentally, I'm Korean, and the behavior of our in-laws is really unacceptable to me. It's their job to take care of you, but of course some people only invoke tradition when it is in their favor. I hope you get to a place a peace about this. I will be furious for you, if that helps. I truly believe what goes around comes around.

My prayers are with you. If there is such thing as human energy, I am sending positive energy your way.

Love,
Preg

 

[pregcurious]

Pinto, you are still awake at this hour, just like me. We're both in EST. We should go to sleep, huh?

 

[missy]

Wishing you a safe flight today PB and sending lots of hugs your way. I hope you have a wonderful trip! (((HUGS))).

 

[qubitasaurus]

Your post reminded me of Feynman -- he lost his wife very young, and the moment she died the clock beside her bed stopped. Feynman decided the most logical explanation was someone must have broken it when they recorded the time of death. (there is a cute story about it here; albeit a bit heavily embroidered).

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Have a great trip, PB! I hope it is restful and enjoyable!

Your kitties will be even more excited to see you when you come back. I think you'll get a hero's welcome