I'm a widow

[Queenie60]

They're awful in laws. Stay positive PB - you now know their true colors. Remember that you're a wonderful young lady and good things are yet to come your way. Keep your chin up.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I agree with the others - they always intended to keep the money. They rationalize it by saying 'he left 50% to us because he must have wanted to us have it.' I don't know what their financial situation is either - whether there is a true need there for them or if they are just greedy. I am not in your shoes and I am older and would have had no problem confronting them before the money was settled but that's all water under the bridge. It is always disappointing to give folks the benefit of the doubt only to realize that you were being generous in doing so and they worked you over anyway. What's done is done and lessons learned by you the hard way unfortunately. You do indeed have your life ahead of you so make the best financial decisions you can at this point and move forward from here. Whether you take them along with you on your new path is up to you. If this eats at you to the point of distraction and you can't talk to them about it, write them a letter explaining how you feel. It won't change anything but may make you feel better that you at least told them how you feel about it. As for the other in-laws, until you've walked a mile in my shoes you have no clue what you are talking about so judge me all you want but I, quite frankly, don't give a damn! It is easier than you may think to say bye-bye to those that truly don't have your best interest at heart anyway.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry Pinto and this gives you the freedom IMO not to have anything more to do with them and remain free from guilt about it too. Because your in laws are behaving terribly and treating you badly and their judgment (at least in this situation and my guess is it is more widespread than just this situation) is awful. These actions show you who they are and allows you to cut off ties without guilt. If you choose to that is. It is up to you.

 

[yennyfire]

I agree PB. They've shown their true colors and you owe them NOTHING! Do not offer to pay for anything and if they have the gall to ask, tell them to take it out of the money Michael intended for you...

So, so sorry that they have proven to be such a--holes!

 

[Calliecake]

I'm sorry Pinto. I kind of expected this with the money situation only because I have seen first hand how people can act when money is involved and unfortunately you see their worst more often than you see them do the right thing. I would also think you have every right to say you want to handle what will be done with Michael's ashes. Did you ask her to handle this? I would assume the crematory would automatically contact you regarding Michael's ashes unless you instructed them to handle it differently.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am so sorry Pinto. Please please don't give them a stinking red cent. These people deserve nothing from you. I hope you can say what you want to at some point and let it go then and walk away. It does say a lot about what kind of people they are. The fact that they never had a conversation about it with you, says that they know exactly what they are doing and want to continue to do it without hearing from you. I am so sorry that you have to deal with them on top of everything else.

 

[PintoBean]

I asked my FIL to handle the cemetery and cremation as well. To me, I don't find it as important now that he's gone, and with no children, it also wasn't as important to me...

These OUT-laws are irrelevant right now. I have to make me a priority and continue to do so. Eating is getting more normal - my stomach and brain are connected again lolol. I have therapy sessions. Now I need to figure out vacation time and job searching strategies.

I originally considered going to the cousins' gtg for MIL's side of the family, but with so many family members declining due to conflicts in schedule I was already planning on skipping it. Now when I get those types of emails I just skim them then delete.

 

[autumngems]

LMAO at PintoBean's "suck it" gesture

 

[december-fire]

Pinto, I'm glad to hear you're eating better.

Also glad to hear that you're able to take a step back emotionally from people and things that are causing frustration or stress.

Try to follow the advice you'd give a friend in your situation.
Do what's best for you.

We're all here to support you.

 

[marcy]

Pinto, that's good you are eating better. I hope you are sleeping okay too.

I am sorry your in-laws turned out to be so selfish and unsupportive of you. They are showing their true colors and aren't worth the effort to keep seeing them.

Take care. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Marcy

 

[TooPatient]

You have an awesome attitude!

Glad you are doing better eating.

You know... You could come my direction. Mix vacation with job search with a tour of all the best food (including chocolate croissant)...

 

[luv2sparkle]

So glad you are focusing on you. Hugs.

 

[valeria101]

Now I need to figure out vacation time

'Vacation' sounds brilliant !

You do not have in-laws anymore.

 

[lyra]

You don't have to maintain any relationship with these people now. You can block them from your social media if you want. You can choose to not take their calls if you want. I had to cut a blood relative out of my life. My therapist said it was a good choice, and to hell with what anyone else thinks about that.

Your IL's have not treated you well, and they have no say in your life whatsoever from this point on.

 

[PintoBean]

I'm trying to understand how I'm feeling... I think I'm now mourning the loss of my in laws.

I spent 4 hours at Nordstrom today with my parents. Lololol! This is after I was up till 430aM placing my own order online. This was a more grown up order from the anniversary sale this year - work appropriate stuff. A couple bras, blouses, skirts, dresses, sweaters. Being kind to myself means not beating myself for not fitting into what's in my closet but getting stuff that fits my current bod. Let's see how this haul works out lololol. I bought mom a bunch of stuff after we had lunch at Nordstrom. It kinda sucked that I ran into an employee who was at the funeral! She wanted to know what caused Mike's death. I really can't go anywhere lolol. The employee's daughter is friends with my SIL.

Can we fast forward to a day when I'm happier and I have a harem of hunks worshipping me?

 

[december-fire]

Awww, Pinto.

Sending hunks to make you feel better.

Opps! Hugs! Sending 'hugs'.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Awww, Pinto.

Sending hunks to make you feel better.

Opps! Hugs! Sending 'hugs'.

I think sending both HUGS and HUNKS are in order. (But if you have any left over -- of either -- you gotta share!)

 

[december-fire]

I think sending both HUGS and HUNKS are in order. (But if you have any left over -- of either -- you gotta share!)

Let's be efficient and send Hunks who Hug.

Say ... I feel a business opportunity coming on.

----

Wait! We'll call it Hugging Hunks!

Pinto, would you mind interviewing the potential employees?

 

[Gussie]

 

[PintoBean]

Mooohahahahha! After much waffling and concerns with separation anxiety from my cats (), I booked flights to Chicago! I'm invading chi town!!! Yay vacation!

 

[LAJennifer]

Mooohahahahha! After much waffling and concerns with separation anxiety from my cats (), I booked flights to Chicago! I'm invading chi town!!! Yay vacation!

Cannot Wait!!!!!!!

 

[mary poppins]

Enjoy Chicago, PB! I think some time away will do you well.

 

[Puppmom]

PB! So excited you're going on vacation! What a nice break!

I'm sorry about your in-laws. Death and money do strange things to people. Hopefully it gets better but I think you're right to set boundaries that work for you.

 

[gemgirl]

Join a group, volunteer to walk or read to dogs a shelter. If you have organizations near you that help abused women or need child advocates, sign up. Find someone(s) who are lonelier, less fortunate, shut-in and gift them with your shining personality and warm heart. Help fill the holes in someone's life and that good will come back to you by the bucketful.

This is not a crazy idea at all! I've always wanted to do this myself, and I know that they always need help. Call the North Shore Animal League (we love those folks to pieces!) and volunteer to work in the kitty half. My guess is, it will lift you up and bring you joy, even if that joy is only temporary. I know that I get this great, warm feeling that lasts when I've been around puppies for a while when looking for our new addition to the family. I've never gotten an endorphin high after speed walking my miles on the treadmill, but I can assume that it's the same as the "feel good, feel happy, feel warm" feeling I get from being around those sweet little heart melting faces for a while. Just a suggestion. (I wish I had the puppy emoti from my iPhone to insert here).

 

[gemgirl]

I just came back to say that I'm so sorry for being of no support to you in the last week or ten days. My husband's mother was diagnosed with her third cancer, (bladder and ureter this time), my hub gets home at such weird hours working long days and I still have to feed him and spend time with him because we miss being together so much, I've been dealing with my doctor stuff (regular doctors plus pre-procedure testing, it seems to never end), and the pre-occupation with not eating for a couple of days and drinking two days of human Drano before I go for my annual stem-to-stern scopings next week. It's all been just too much lately, and I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you lately. I get exhausted from too much stress and the last couple of weeks have done me in.

 

[december-fire]

Mooohahahahha! After much waffling and concerns with separation anxiety from my cats (), I booked flights to Chicago! I'm invading chi town!!! Yay vacation!

Great decision, Pinto!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Aww! So glad you are going!!!

 

[lovedogs]

Thrilled you are taking a vacation!!!!! It's going to be super fun, and I fully expect you to come back with your own harem of hugging hunks

 

[gemgirl]

Mooohahahahha! After much waffling and concerns with separation anxiety from my cats (), I booked flights to Chicago! I'm invading chi town!!! Yay vacation!

For your sake, and for the sake of having fun and doing something memorable and different, I wish Lady O was still taping her show.

 

[Queenie60]

Thinking of you PB - I like the suggestion of volunteer work. This could help to boost your spirits. Keep your chin up sweet lady, so much good is yet to come your way.