I'm a widow

[luv2sparkle]

I would go for the COBRA, as Elizabeth said at least for a year. You need to get your feet back under you and the last thing you need to worry about is medical bills while you are trying to adjust to life. It is expensive but not as expensive as one medical treatment would be-like a broken bone that needed surgery. That would be another thing to list for your FIL, as why he should return all funds to you. The hardest part of anything is the starting. Just keep taking steps and before long you will have some confidence return. This fear is only temporary. It is not who you are but simply the moment you find yourself in. You can step beyond it and you are not to old or too anything to be successful. Go for it, girl.
One step at a time and nothing can stop you.

 

[valeria101]

I can't be mad when someone else is mad lolol so I end up taking a step back and reexamining with a cooler head.

Count me mad as Hell !

You are so very right with this one ... [ fellow reader at the library is staring befuddled at me - I must be grinning so wide he could hear it ! ]

What if I become a landlord? Yes I'll be barely breaking even for a bit... is that good enough?

I like writing. I've always wanted to write a book

I should be writing - writing off as well - a year worth of exotic research. My work has always meant writing one thing or other... Hint: be a landlord.

 

[Puppmom]

Actually, $680 per month doesn't sound bad for COBRA. But you have 60 days to elect (from the later of the date they notified you or the date you would otherwise lose coverage). You could make an election on day 60 and your coverage would be retroactive so you've got time.

If it were me I would get it. It's not the dentist and the therapist that would worry me. It's those unexpected, large expenses.

I don't know if you could get a plan privately. If so, you've got time to shop around.

 

[BlingDreams]

I'd get COBRA for now. Therapy alone is worth it. Without it you're paying $500/month in therapy bills, so that's almost full COBRA anyway. Throw in there any prescriptions, illnesses, etc... totally worth the security blanket.

 

[AprilBaby]

$650/mo is actually not bad for cobra. Mine would be $1500. Ditto do it for now until you have your head back on straight again. You still have all the stages of grieving to go thru.

 

[TooPatient]

You can cancel COBRA any time. Get it now and look around for options. If you get a job with coverage or go back to school, you can drop.

One of my biggest worries while DH and I were both not working was that someone would get really sick or hurt. You don't need that stress right now.

 

[marcy]

Pinto Bean, I know Cobra is pricey but all insurance has gone up so that's honestly not as high as I thought it was. It seems like a waste of money until you need it, right? Writing sounds fun to try since you have always been interested in that.

Take care.
Marcy

 

[PintoBean]

I don't feel good. I got the death check later in the afternoon. I'd like to shrivel up and die and fall off the bellybutton like this clip and end up being batted around by a cat.

 

[Matata]

Paradigm shift -- It is a life check, an investment in your future as uncertain and perhaps as scary as that future looks to you right now. Sometimes it can be incredibly shitty being a survivor. Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive" keeps playing in my head.
(((Hugs)))

I bet if you get down on the floor, a fur baby will bat at you....

 

[MollyMalone]

Oh, Pinto, pieces of our hearts are breaking off for you....

I don't know if hydro-therapy would feel good to you, but having a heartfelt bawl while standing in the shower, with the warm water cascading down, has been beneficially cathartic for me in the past.

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, Please try to consider this check a security blanket from Michael. One day at a time Sweetie. Know you are doing the best you can under these circumstances. Hugs

I would definitely get Cobra. Health Insurance is something I feel everyone should have. I had to have four surgeries when I was 24 and would have been in a world of hurt financially without insurance.

 

[PintoBean]

Today is no bueno. I took an antihistamine last night for my skin rash, and didn't fall asleep till after 2...

I woke up just in time to go to reflexology at noon. I have no appetite. I tried calling J for company bc that stimulates my appetite but I didn't say much bc she was clearly busy. I walked around my community looking for pinoaks hoping to stimulate my appetite. I saw a neighbor was having an open house and I went in and put an offer in $109,000 below list .

I walked home and tried B but he's pouring some cement or some leveling floor crap in his bathroom before tiling.

I checked my phone at 322pm and saw a missed call from Sue at 321. She's going to pick up a bagel for me and keep me company.

My cats want breakfast, now early lunch. Luckily the new dry they've been eating - feline caviar seems super filling bc for once they can't finish their bowls!

The realtor told me I seem very centered given my recent events. She was staying another hour and said I was free to order a pizza and she'd keep me company lolol. I am actually needing to reach out to the owner of that house anyways bc he owns delis, markets, bakeries in the area and pending confirmation from Sue that it was only one fire dept that came on site during Mike's accident I'm going to ask that guy to help me put together a basket of something for the fire department.

 

[minousbijoux]

Love that you are reaching out to so many - even in this hardest of times, you seem so self-possessed about what you need. Yay, PintoBean! Rah, rah, PintoBean!

Keep coming here and letting us know what's up. I think everyone checks your thread multiple times per day. Anything goes; this is for you

 

[yennyfire]

Hi PB, I've finally returned from the Internet hinterlands and one of the first things I wanted to do was check on you. Damn your FIL for being so...so...such a...grrr. I'm angry, so I want to call him something that rhymes with "chick" but then I reminded myself that he lost a son and is grieving, so I should cut him some slack. But dang, how can he be so thoughtless??!!!

As for the COBRA, like everyone else, I say get it. It's not the monthly expenses that worry me, it's the one time, unknown injury/illness that can get you. Our 10 year old DDwas in the hospital unexpectedly for 5 days a few months ago and even with insurance, we owed several thousand dollars. Without, it was over $60k!!! So, take that possibility out of the realm of possibility.

How's your baby's eye? Better I hope?

And how are you, sweet PB? I'm so glad you are making an effort to be around people. Asscherhalolover sounds lovely and I'm glad you got to meet her. I hope that today was a better day for you and that you were able to eat something and can get a decent night's sleep.

 

[Puppmom]

Pinto, stopping in for a little potty humor for you. I just took my 6 year old for a walk to drop food off to some neighbors. He was running and looked back and shouted, "I just farted. If you fart when you're running it's like a speed boost!"

 

[BlingDreams]

Oh PB, I just saw your latest note. I'm sure that check was like a punch in the gut. Another finality to things. I don't even know what to say, except I'm so so sorry that you're dealing with "this".

I'm impressed that you've been reaching out to others, and even getting outside instead of secluding yourself! I'd be a hermit. Seriously. I don't know if I'd have the wherewithal to get out of bed.

Keep taking deep breaths. One day... sometimes hour... and even sometimes minute at a time. You've got this. And we're all here for you!

 

[PintoBean]

I'm embarrassed that I can't eat without company when I'm upset. I just got hungry (at 2AM) and thank god I had leftover pizza from Friday in the fridge. It was actually intended for the racoons!

I read that complex carbs raise seratonin levels. I usually can't tolerate a bagel with scallion cream cheese more than once a month bc of how my mouth feels after eating a bagel with spread from the sodium and the heaviness of the cream cheese. Now it's all I want to eat when I have a craving. Even the leftover pizza tonight was similar - stuffed pizza with cheese and broccoli and spinach. Carb + green + dairy lololol. I don't want any Ben and Jerry's in my fridge, but I will eat a smaller Haagen Dazs chocolate and almond coated vanilla ice cream pop (not the full sized ones that come in a 3 pack starting 30 years ago lolololol).

I don't know how I will keep my shit together next week. Lots of housekeeping on my work laptop. Get any forms finished printed and emailed to myself. Delete anything personal off laptop. I'm so worried about any potential interviews coming up. I have a line or two to add to my resume to update it. It will hurt sending my laptop back. I will not enjoy being unemployed. Any R&R time could be interrupted by an interview. It will eat at me.

Monday I review my death check and cobra options with the benefits dude at a pizza place. I just didn't want him in my house for this. It turns out he lives in the same village as me. Small, incestuous world bahaha.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Hi PB, I check into this thread every day to see how you're going. I'm so impressed with the way you approach the situation and manage to keep still seeing the funny side even though you're suffering. Hang in there, lots of us are rooting for you!

Your pizza sounds like the perfectly balanced meal- carbs plus protein plus fat plus veggies!

It does stink to have to send the laptop back- surely they could just let you keep in in the circumstances??? Hopefully you have another means of getting online?

Best of luck with the benefits guy, too. I can imagine it will be weird having people from your village knowing so much about your business but I'm sure they have rules about confidentiality.

 

[gemgirl]

I'm sorry that you haven't heard from me this week honey, I've been really busy trying ti keep our home life together while hubby is working so much. You know you can text me any time. Literally any time.

I believe that no one should ever be without medical insurance, no matter what. Even if you couldn't afford it, which I know is not the case, you just can't be without that protection. Look at what happened to me quite by surprise in January. I woke up in pain in the middle of the night, hobbled to the bathroom doubled over, hobbled back and fainted as I walked into our bedroom. The pain was too much to bear. So Neil wakes up from the "thud", gets out of bed and scoops me up. He walks me to the other side and I passed out again and slipped from his grasp. Boom, on the floor again. He called an ambulance and spent the next fifteen hours in the hospital. Cha-ching! $13, 806.- and something cents. Thank God for insurance not only for that but because I fractured my lower spine when I fainted and needed an Orthopedist for the next four months. The point is, no one every knows when an emergency is going to happen. Hubby's Mom is in the hospital now and she only has meager health benefits compliments of our govt. She became incoherent and delirious after two weeks of not eating, drinking or peeing. She needs to have a procedure done to clear a mass in her urinary tract ( we don't know what it is) but they keep pushing her procedure down on the list. Without insurance, even if you're very sick, they'll treat you like - I don't know what. Buy into COBRA asap. I did when I first stopped working. It's the only way to feel at ease about medical stuff.

 

[Gussie]

Another cobra story. I was hesitant to post but here goes.

When my husband took his current job the insurance didn't start until after 60 days. We didn't elect cobra at first because it was so expensive and my husband and I and our 3 year old son were healthy. We thought we were low risk. During that 60 days my son was diagnosed with leukemia. He started chemo, had a major surgery along with several small surgeries, and a 6 week hospital stay ( 2 weeks in icu). The bill was well over $1.5 million. Thankfully we were able to get cobra and we were fully covered. It was terrifying though and I have vowed that I will starve before I ever go with out insurance. And who knows what will happen with health care.

Buy it and don't look back.

P.S. my son is a happy healthy teen. I thank God for him every day!

 

[PintoBean]

I'm convinced! Cobra it is!

When I roll over to my left I see Purtle the slo tortoise, my new friend.

So much "housekeeping" to tend to this week with regard to work and hopefully the last of the accident related forms for the car insurance.

I am tired, I want some company. I am frustrated with the invitations from my sister in law to drive an hour to visit her and Mike's niece and nephew. Idk why, never thought of them as related to me. I can't drive. I can barely get up to feed my cats. Once my rash is gone I can get off the antihistamine. Last night I had to kick it up a notch again from 1% hydrocortisone to the lowest steroid I have that the PA at the derm said was for face and neck. It really did the trick. Less red, flatter skin.

I keep trying to think of something to buy - a bit of motivation to get me to tomorrow. Nothing. I didn't think that the combo of the antihistamine and the death benefit check would hit me so hard. I'm anxious for the accident check and the toxicology report.

Do I want chocolate croissants? Will that perk me up? Well, first I need to rest up and be ok to drive. Grrr... betrayed by my body.

 

[PintoBean]

Got a text that a family donated a sanctuary lamp in memory of Mike. What's the point he's dead. He hated everything Catholic. I just left the conversation aka group text.

I couldn't even get a goddamn cookie during the funeral mass when I was starving bc I'm not catholic. The only amusement for me was the fact that the priest reminded me of someone from the international Netflix version of the Borgias.

 

[valeria101]

Do I want chocolate croissants? Will that perk me up?

Last time Thay coconut shrimp did it for me; before last - gelatto breakfasts; chocolate lunches; midnight Greek yoghurt & honey; oolong & smoked everything; poppy seed cake ... What works, works !

 

[PintoBean]

Will somebody sleepover? I've had invitations to travel to people's homes but I don't have the stamina to travel yet. I don't know if I will be ok when I'm unemployed after this week.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Pinto, thinking of you and how you are doing. I hope this week will go better than you think it will. Maybe you could shop for a new laptop? Glad to hear you are going for the Cobra. Good to have but hopefully you won't need it. Although, chocolate croissants are lovely, maybe a massage would really make you feel better and help you sleep. If you are near water, a nice long walk in the evening. Exercise might help you with more endorphins than a lovely croissant. Or maybe a croissant and some exercise. It does sound like you are making some progress. Just doing one thing for your future in a week is progress. HUGS. I hope some of the young ones can do a sleepover with you. Somehow, I suspect an old lady sleepover is not what you need, LOL.

 

[PintoBean]

I got annoyed at my BIL when he gave he shpiel about "Even though we lost an amazing person life continues and we have to find happiness. Otherwise depression,regrets , and failure to live consumes us."

Which made me snap over text, "Yup. It's easy for you to say move on but I'm stuck cleaning up Mike's messes." He of course replied easy???? Mikes messes???? But at least he called soon after to clear the air. I feel bad for losing my cool in writing like that. I've delegated to my BIL to call back HR and find out if there are in fact any personal effects to be picked up (6 weeks later).

I only obsess about chocolate croissants bc I hope that if they are here then I will be motivated to wake up early and have one with coffee. I was eating 2 meals a day till Friday. Now I'm one and something small and random if I end up in someone's kitchen lololol.

I was so angry a week or more before Mike died when he was drunk in the living room and I was walking down the stairs and wobbled and he called me Humpty Dumpty. I asked him if it was a dig at my weight. He wouldn't respond when I repeatedly asked him why he called me Humpty Dumpty. Then the next day when he was sober he said it was bc I looked cute. Save it.

 

[luv2sparkle]

PB, it is much easier for your BIL to feel that way,than it is for you. Your entitled to your frustration and anger at Mike for comments you can't resolve in a way that you feel ok about. If chocolate croissants get you up in the morning to have with your coffee then they are a perfect choice. Relish them! There will be opportunity for other avenues to help your spirit later. Do what you can, and what sounds good at the moment. The fact that you can find something is wonderful.

 

[PintoBean]

My shrink and I were laughing about my text with BIL bc I was being petty (like my mom Apple/tree) and she was like I know you're aware of it and I agreed, but I said I have a hard time curbing that behavior when I'm tired and emotional lololol. Oh, the struggle to not be the worst parts of our parents...

 

[cmd2014]

PB, sounds like you were just speaking your truth to someone who was trying to rush you through grief. Easy for him. He gets to go home to his wife every night. He doesn't have to deal with financial uncertainty, death benefits, retirement benefits, accident reports, legal and insurance issues, buying unexpected healthcare policies, or crushing grief, loneliness, and loss. So your PFO message sounds about right to me.

 

[Puppmom]

I'm with CMD. Sometimes it's just nice to spit out what you're thinking.