I'm a widow

[candy]

PintoBean, we have never met and I rarely post here, but I read PS often and check in on your thread frequently. It's early on the east coast and much of the world is asleep now, but I'm up and wanted to let you know that I am here rooting for you. You are not alone.

 

[valeria101]

Let me take back what I said about writing: never mind it does not work for most people, obviously, you are writing a good one. No need to live through it. [Pin oak vandalism sounds terifically satisfying though ! Thank you.]

Dam' distance ...

 

[PintoBean]

I'm assuming that Michael's been cremated by now and someone's got his ashes... thanks for the update in laws. I don't think I want to be with the family when they put him in what they call "a nook". When I was a child, my babysitter's daughter told me that when driving past a cemetery, you have to hold your breath or you could breathe in a spirit! I don't think I can hold my breath that long at the cemetery...

No updates on their intent with their 50% of the retirement fund...

And MIL sent a group email to my other email address (grrr... it's my gmail for professional purposes mostly and I made the mistake of giving it to her once when she asked for help with an org chart and my personal email was crapping out) about a psychic reading in mid November. Usually we are each expected to pay for our own portions whenever they invite us to do something non-food related. This bothers me more than usual in light of everything else. Also, Michael did not like the idea of seeing psychics, especially for the fees they charge.

I have been trying to remind myself all morning that these matters are out of my hands and not a priority right now. I cannot obsess and let them fester and eat at me. I have bigger fish to fry. This is my last day of work. I should do my resume updates and LinkedIn updates before I turn in my laptop on Monday bc I like the keyboard and the word version on this machine moreso than my personal machines. I have a weekend and a holiday coming up. I have to schedule in socialization and fun. There isn't someone around to make sure I prioritize my well being when I go down the rabbit hole. I must continue living...

 

[valeria101]

Nice try - FICTION ! Don't go there. The part below is your best style.

Fingers crossed !

Michael did not like the idea of seeing psychics.

This is my last day of work. I should do my resume updates and LinkedIn updates before I turn in my laptop on Monday bc I like the keyboard and the word version on this machine moreso than my personal machines. I have a weekend and a holiday coming up. I have to schedule in socialization and fun. There isn't someone around to make sure I prioritize my well being when I go down the rabbit hole. I must continue living...

 

[PintoBean]

Huh... my neighbor said they cut down all the trees by the accident site and installed a guard rail.

 

[cmd2014]

Just decline the invite and try to let it go. Maybe your MIL needs this to help her grieve the loss of her son (it's not my thing either, but I know some people take comfort in it). Maybe you can privately laugh with your friends about how Michael would be groaning and shaking his head about it, too. And I don't think you have to go to the internment. It sounds like you allowed his family to follow their traditions rather than yours, which was kind and gracious of you, but that doesn't mean you have to make it your thing. Although it can be nice to go visit sometimes. It grounds grief somehow to have a tangible marker.

As for the rest....things always have a way of working out, even if the how and when isn't clear yet. You'll figure it out with time.

 

[PintoBean]

My friends Nicole and Sue kidnapped me bc I can't subsist on bagels!
It's the sweetest thing ever!

 

[yennyfire]

I hope that you ate every last morsel PB!!

 

[lovedogs]

yay, that looks delicious PB! Thinking of you always!

 

[Smores84]

Hi PintoBean! Just wanted to say hi and still thinking of you.

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, I hope you had a nice evening with your girlfriends and were able to get some sleep last night.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Getting out of the house and socializing is probably great medicine for you right now - do it often. We all have times of being alone and reflecting but BALANCE in all things is necessary for good living.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Good for you!!!

 

[Jambalaya]

Just want to say that I'm thinking of you, PintoBean. Big, big hugs!

I see that your new tortoise is a Steiff. That is one posh tortoise! Does he speak well?

 

[CJ2008]

My friends Nicole and Sue kidnapped me bc I can't subsist on bagels!
It's the sweetest thing ever!

What do you mean you can't subsist on bagels? I thought it was one of the perfect foods from nature like avocado!



Glad you got out pinto. I hope it did you good.

((hugs))

 

[PintoBean]

Just want to say that I'm thinking of you, PintoBean. Big, big hugs!

I see that your new tortoise is a Steiff. That is one posh tortoise! Does he speak well?

He speaks with upper crust lock jaw

 

[PintoBean]

I didn't realize Nicole was sleeping over lolol. I was glad bc if they hadn't kidnapped me and slept over I wouldn't have been distracted and would have bawled all night lolol.

We are trying to find a bathing suit that will fit 34HH (not my bosom)

 

[missy]

That dinner last night looks so yummy!
Glad your friends kidnapped you and made you enjoy some protein.
(((HUGS))).

 

[HS4S_2]

I didn't realize Nicole was sleeping over lolol. I was glad bc if they hadn't kidnapped me and slept over I wouldn't have been distracted and would have bawled all night lolol.

We are trying to find a bathing suit that will fit 34HH (not my bosom)

Check out Freya. They carry bra sizes and in larger cup/small band size ratios. I am a large cup and small band ratio and I tend to have good luck with them. I know Nordstrom and Macy's carry them but I generally order from "herroom". Hope this helps.

 

[PintoBean]

Furious, disappointed
My mom calls me and tells me she's going away for a trip with friends in a few weeks and dad has a business trip so she needs me to let the dogs out for 5 days. All she asks is, "you're not working right?"

I hung up on her. I called back and got my dad and said I can't do this. My schedule isn't regular right now. I don't know if I can get up in time to feed the dogs and let them out. He says ok, then calls me back and asks me why I can't get up on time and why can't I just stay over? I'm going to make myself sick. Wtf?

Mom can't even make it to my husband's second wake and funeral, and she goes and books a vacation without even checking with me if I'm ok to dog sit for them? The lack of consideration and narcissism is just full on ridiculous and I'm not putting up with it. Sorry, I'm not your doormat.

 

[valeria101]

Please do say no - or nothing, whichever takes less effort.

That sounds like my first parents; fortunately, I have had a second pair of them !

 

[VRBeauty]

Please do say no - or nothing, whichever takes less effort.

Ditto. Just say no. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence - as in, you don't owe them an explanation. But you could add "you'll have to make other plans for the dogs," should you feel so inclined.

But do not feel let them steam-roll over you.

Still shaking my head at your mother...

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm assuming that Michael's been cremated by now and someone's got his ashes... thanks for the update in laws.

You might want to check on that to make sure... I'm pretty sure a spouse would supercede the parents, where authorization for either cremation or the release of the remains is concerned. If there was a coroner involved, it can take a long time for the coroner's office to release a body to the authorized morgue. It took about a month when my best friend died - I think the delay was related to waiting for tox screen results.

 

[elle_71125]

I didn't realize Nicole was sleeping over lolol. I was glad bc if they hadn't kidnapped me and slept over I wouldn't have been distracted and would have bawled all night lolol.

We are trying to find a bathing suit that will fit 34HH (not my bosom)

My tiny 32B's are crying right now! Is it too late to consider stuffing my bra? Is that weird in your 30s?

 

[TooPatient]

PB, hugs. I am glad you have awesome friends but so sorry you have such a selfish mom and your in-laws.

First... Say no to your mom. Tell her to find another friend or put them in a good boarding facility. Pay someone to come take care of them. Whatever, just not you. (Besides, you need to be available for interviews and can't just put them off due to her vacation! -- heck, come on out to the Seattle area to look around and see if you want to work here so you just aren't there that week.)

Second... You are the wife! Last I heard was the wife had authority NOT the parents. Check and see what is going on. Go with or don't. Do what you want or feel is right. Michael chose you to be with and that includes doing what you want not what his parents try to force. In any aspect be it interment, psychics, or anything else.

 

[yennyfire]

Just sending gentle hugs, as Valeria, VRBeauty and TooPatient already hit the nail on the head, both about saying no to your Mom and about Michael's ashes. Hang in there PB!

 

[Calliecake]

I just want to give you a hug Pinto.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Oh my gosh, Pinto, I am so sorry you have to deal with all these people. Totally agree with all the wise women who have commented. You are the wife, your wishes come first. I hope you can tell your mom No. I can't even imagine how she could demand that of you. So glad you have friends who came to kidnap you and take your mind off all of this if even for just a few sweet hours. Hugs.

 

[arkieb1]

PB - I have been thinking of you too!!! I agree with the others just say I'm sorry, please find someone else to mind your pets to your parents.

Being an Aussie I confess, I had to look up what pinoaks are, but I had a hearty laugh when I saw pics of them and imagined a ton of them on the abandoned car's windshield. It's probably lucky I'm not there I'd be temped to say lets see if we can do something even more wicked, like cover the whole car in leaves & sticks or something - so you can no longer see the car, just a pile of foliage.

 

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean. Stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts. I am glad some of your friends took you out for dinner. I hate to hear you continue to deal with insensitive parents and in-laws.

Marcy