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- Aug 29, 2003
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- 15,809
Now you are generous.
I'm a widow
- Thread starter PintoBean
- Start date
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2010
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- 6,872
I continue to be so impressed by you PB! Your candor, honestly and humor have challenged me to exhibit more of those qualities myself (I tend to suffer silently, whether it be about feeling resentful that neither hubby or kids help with chores without being nagged or about some unkind comment that hurt my feelings). I'm trying to be more authentic to my feelings, while also realizing that hanging onto those feelings isn't healthy or productive. So, thank you for continuing to be so open and honest with us. Whether you intended to or not, you are helping people each and every day.
Your BILs comments would have irritated me too. And as for the apple/tree thing, the worst thing someone could say to me is "you're just like your mother" because she's just about everything I espouse NOT to be, so the fact that you identified the similar reaction/behavior means that you are not the apple from the tree, but rather a hybrid species, who has taken the best from the tree and morphed into something better. That's my cornball thought of the day!
As for chocolate croissants, at this point, I say eat what appeals to you and the hell with everything/ everyone else. The humpty-dumpty comment would have boiled by (not so small) buns too. The fact that you can acknowledge your feelings about that, even when you can no longer resolve them with your husband speaks volumes about you. Again, I am awed by your strength and honesty.
I hope that tonight is a better night for you....sending gentle hugs!
Your BILs comments would have irritated me too. And as for the apple/tree thing, the worst thing someone could say to me is "you're just like your mother" because she's just about everything I espouse NOT to be, so the fact that you identified the similar reaction/behavior means that you are not the apple from the tree, but rather a hybrid species, who has taken the best from the tree and morphed into something better. That's my cornball thought of the day!
As for chocolate croissants, at this point, I say eat what appeals to you and the hell with everything/ everyone else. The humpty-dumpty comment would have boiled by (not so small) buns too. The fact that you can acknowledge your feelings about that, even when you can no longer resolve them with your husband speaks volumes about you. Again, I am awed by your strength and honesty.
I hope that tonight is a better night for you....sending gentle hugs!
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2011
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- 6,589
Haha I think my BIL called me right away bc I'm usually quite measured when I speak in front of him bc we see each other so infrequently.
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- Jul 27, 2011
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- 6,589
I am never surprised by the generosity of heart and spirit ofnthis commubity, but I am always humbled and blown away by acts of kindness from "strangers" in the real world (my local
Yokel world).
The realtor I spoke to at the open house on Saturday stopped by my house as I was rushing out the house (to see the shrinky dink) with salsa and Chips bc she remembered I said I didn't want to eat alone. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness. I'm going to order a nice gift of Tate's cookies to send to her office. That act of kindness towards a stranger leaves me vaklempt.
Today I met with the insurance dude. He actually helps Mike's (vomit) company select plans. He told me he would do anything in his power to help me and he meant it! What I didn't realize was how above and beyond he is going until we finished our meeting. We met at a local pizza place.
1. He reviewed all the health care plans and saw as I did that NY exchange was going to be comparable in price but with a lesser known carrier that my docs probably wouldn't participate with in network. He was going to send the forms in for me but I said I will send with my check together.
2. He reviewed the death benefit pay out check and the figure looks right, accounting for the portion carved out for 2/3 funeral cost. The type-o between my first and last name is negligible. I can deposit it now.
3. I told him my contract ends this week. I asked him if he's hiring bahahahahaha he said not right now but he's going to ask around.
4. We talked about Mikes 401k and I can roll Mike's 401k into an IRA that associated with some fund that is managed with a low fee through his company. Cool.
5. We talked about my interest in buying an investment property but my hesitation with the return on investment bc of what I've crunched with regard to mortgage and maintenance versus rent. He looked impressed when I told him that I made a profit on a coop sale and that I had verified with 2 mortgage brokers that if I purchase another house that is the same size, I have to put down 25% down payment min now. He's going to have one of his real estate gurus crunch numbers for me. I also let him know what the houses are going for in my community (versus what I paid for 2 years ago) and that I have already made a profit and have an understanding of the market in my community. I also explained that I am the reason why maintenance went up after staying stagnant for 15 years, and made a point of emphasizing that maintenance can't stay the same when vendors are increasing their rates.
He is not going to charge me a fee for all this advisement. I'm to come by his office in a few weeks to go over whether or not it is prudent to invest in real estate.
6. We also talked about what I truly need salary wise to get by and I walked him through what I was making the past 4 years and said I could get by with 50% of what I make now no problem so long as it's remote (no wardrobe, less car maintenance, etc)
The best part of this meeting is that I treated it like a mock interview and sold myself whenever I could.
I guess it's good to have some bad days because when good days come around, they are so good!
This AM I didn't want to eat but I was thirsty so I tricked my body lololol into drinking a shake lollll.
After my meeting, I was hungry and brought home a chicken cut lettuce tomato mayo hero, 2 crab cakes, and a dozen garlic knots (breakfast lololol). I picked at a crab cake and ate half the hero. Yay!
Yokel world).
The realtor I spoke to at the open house on Saturday stopped by my house as I was rushing out the house (to see the shrinky dink) with salsa and Chips bc she remembered I said I didn't want to eat alone. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness. I'm going to order a nice gift of Tate's cookies to send to her office. That act of kindness towards a stranger leaves me vaklempt.
Today I met with the insurance dude. He actually helps Mike's (vomit) company select plans. He told me he would do anything in his power to help me and he meant it! What I didn't realize was how above and beyond he is going until we finished our meeting. We met at a local pizza place.
1. He reviewed all the health care plans and saw as I did that NY exchange was going to be comparable in price but with a lesser known carrier that my docs probably wouldn't participate with in network. He was going to send the forms in for me but I said I will send with my check together.
2. He reviewed the death benefit pay out check and the figure looks right, accounting for the portion carved out for 2/3 funeral cost. The type-o between my first and last name is negligible. I can deposit it now.
3. I told him my contract ends this week. I asked him if he's hiring bahahahahaha he said not right now but he's going to ask around.
4. We talked about Mikes 401k and I can roll Mike's 401k into an IRA that associated with some fund that is managed with a low fee through his company. Cool.
5. We talked about my interest in buying an investment property but my hesitation with the return on investment bc of what I've crunched with regard to mortgage and maintenance versus rent. He looked impressed when I told him that I made a profit on a coop sale and that I had verified with 2 mortgage brokers that if I purchase another house that is the same size, I have to put down 25% down payment min now. He's going to have one of his real estate gurus crunch numbers for me. I also let him know what the houses are going for in my community (versus what I paid for 2 years ago) and that I have already made a profit and have an understanding of the market in my community. I also explained that I am the reason why maintenance went up after staying stagnant for 15 years, and made a point of emphasizing that maintenance can't stay the same when vendors are increasing their rates.
He is not going to charge me a fee for all this advisement. I'm to come by his office in a few weeks to go over whether or not it is prudent to invest in real estate.
6. We also talked about what I truly need salary wise to get by and I walked him through what I was making the past 4 years and said I could get by with 50% of what I make now no problem so long as it's remote (no wardrobe, less car maintenance, etc)
The best part of this meeting is that I treated it like a mock interview and sold myself whenever I could.
I guess it's good to have some bad days because when good days come around, they are so good!
This AM I didn't want to eat but I was thirsty so I tricked my body lololol into drinking a shake lollll.
After my meeting, I was hungry and brought home a chicken cut lettuce tomato mayo hero, 2 crab cakes, and a dozen garlic knots (breakfast lololol). I picked at a crab cake and ate half the hero. Yay!
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- Aug 5, 2010
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- 12,815
Good job, Pinto! Man, you are rocking this stuff. I bet you blew insurance dude completely away - sounds like you were totally present for that meeting. 
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2005
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- 16,327
Sounds like you made progress today; stepping in the right direction! I think that makes for more of an appetite than you've had as of late. You never can tell where your contact with this insurance guy can take you; he might ask around and be able to provide you with contacts that you need re employment or housing. Great job!!
freezing_in_MO
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2013
- Messages
- 210
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard it must be to utter that sentence. The idiotic response is unbelievable.
How are your kitties? Are they showing you extra love?
How are your kitties? Are they showing you extra love?
IErmagherd...
Got an email about SiriusXM and had an oh shit moment - gotta cancel the account for Mike's car!
I call and when I'm asked the reason for cancelling I say, "my husband was in a fatal car accident."
To which the rep replies, "is he ok?"
To which I reply, "no, he was in a fatal car accident."
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2007
- Messages
- 26,308
PintoBean, it sounds like your meeting with the insurance man was helpful and hopeful. You never know what doors will open simply from asking questions or letting someone know what you want to do. I was glad to hear you are eating a little more when you don't have company. Snuggle up with your loving kitties and I hope you get a good night's rest.
Marcy
Marcy
Curby311
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2015
- Messages
- 67
Hey Pinto, It sounds like yesterday was a good day! Take it one day at a time. I am glad that you are going with the Cobra for health insurance. I purchased my health insurance through the exchange and it is really stressful finding doctors due to the limited providers and not knowing what will happen with all of these house/senate bills if it will make my insurance disappear. If you are comfortable with your shrink then it will be too difficult to start over with an unknown. On another note...I'm kind of hating on your in-laws on your behalf but everyone grieves differently I suppose.
As far as the 401K bit you can likely roll that over into an IRA anywhere. If you have any other funds (401K) or IRAs anywhere else from when you were working you before you could move them to the same location so it may be easier for you to manage. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on the investment properties so you may not need the real estate guru.
When I saw your post about V and although I agree he sounds like he exists simply to be a pain, I also realized we may do similar work. I am in job search mode right now since my contract is also up on Friday and I haven't been told whether it is renewed. Let me know if I can assist you in any way with your job search whether it be to send recruiters your way or to review your resume. Sometimes if someone looks at it with fresh eyes it can help.
I hope today and the rest of the week are good for you too!
As far as the 401K bit you can likely roll that over into an IRA anywhere. If you have any other funds (401K) or IRAs anywhere else from when you were working you before you could move them to the same location so it may be easier for you to manage. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on the investment properties so you may not need the real estate guru.
When I saw your post about V and although I agree he sounds like he exists simply to be a pain, I also realized we may do similar work. I am in job search mode right now since my contract is also up on Friday and I haven't been told whether it is renewed. Let me know if I can assist you in any way with your job search whether it be to send recruiters your way or to review your resume. Sometimes if someone looks at it with fresh eyes it can help.
I hope today and the rest of the week are good for you too!
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2008
- Messages
- 27,236
So glad you had a good meeting with the insurance guy...I hope he knows that we appreciate the help he is giving you. Anyone that can help
start putting your future together is a good guy in my book. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about the landlord thing.
Do you have anyone who could do some mock interviews with you? Anyone who knows your line of business and knows what to ask? Or maybe even
just your neighbor B if no one else. You are so funny and witty that I cant imagine you not making a good impression. Let us know when your
interviews are coming up so we can lend some encouragement. You'll be taking the cumulative energy of PS members in with you so
remember you wont be on your own!
So glad you felt like eating and had a good meal (or two). Reading your last post gave me cravings for garlic knots! Yum!!!
start putting your future together is a good guy in my book. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about the landlord thing.
Do you have anyone who could do some mock interviews with you? Anyone who knows your line of business and knows what to ask? Or maybe even
just your neighbor B if no one else. You are so funny and witty that I cant imagine you not making a good impression.
Let us know when your interviews are coming up so we can lend some encouragement. You'll be taking the cumulative energy of PS members in with you so
remember you wont be on your own!
So glad you felt like eating and had a good meal (or two). Reading your last post gave me cravings for garlic knots! Yum!!!
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- Jul 24, 2003
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- 2,600
Pinto! Get up, stand up, and march your A$$ over to the bakery and get that Chocolate Croissant! I say that with every bit of humor, as I want one also.
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- Feb 3, 2008
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- 7,950
Wow, PB, it sounds like you rocked that meeting with the insurance guy. You are strong and I am so impressed with you! Raising glasses to toast you, and hoping for a lot more days like that one. So glad you were able to find something to eat that appealed to you! Hugs and prayer for you!
Q
Queenie60
Guest
Thinking of you Pinto. And wishing you the best. God Bless.
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2007
- Messages
- 6,299
Pinto, I rarely come to PS anymore, but saw your post in late May and have been following since. I'm so incredibly sorry. I know there are no words, so I'm just sorry. My father died very suddenly a year ago and my mother has had a very tough year. She's read dozens of books on grief and sudden loss of a spouse and she said her absolutely favorite was Companion Through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief. It's about a woman who loses her husband and it's really a journal of her grief. it's raw, not sugar coated and very, very real. I'm thinking of you often and think you are doing an incredibly good job of dealing with the roller coaster that is grief!
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- Apr 3, 2004
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- 33,852
Good to hear you are in good spirits...
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- Jul 27, 2011
- Messages
- 6,589
Deep breath - so happy the emotional part of my cycle is over so I feel more level lolol.
Since Monday was productive I let myself have a do nothing Tuesday. Today, I deposited checks and got my last form notarized. I had a little lularoe shopping spree and got some leggings and tops. I went to dinner with my cat
bellie's foster mom.
A bit of mischief Monday-tuesday... I like pulling out pin oaks (I call them pinocchios) and handing them to my neighbor B as a bouquet while saying happy Father's Day lololol... well his wife was pissed that a neighbor's contractor's car died and he left it in our community for a week, so Monday and Tuesday I took my pin oaks and placed them under the windshield wipers. I explained to B and his wife that when Mike died people made a memorial for him. The car is dead so this is its Memorial. B's wife was saddened by this. Miraculously the car was removed today (the magic of pinocchios lololol).
No one called me from my friend's company, but I'm frankly not ready yet. Meh... I won't let myself be unemployed longer than 3 months. I'll go work at petco if need be so I can feel productive and have some discounts applied to litter and cat food. I have enough money to be ok for a few years. I just need to feel productive.
Since Monday was productive I let myself have a do nothing Tuesday. Today, I deposited checks and got my last form notarized. I had a little lularoe shopping spree and got some leggings and tops. I went to dinner with my cat
bellie's foster mom.
A bit of mischief Monday-tuesday... I like pulling out pin oaks (I call them pinocchios) and handing them to my neighbor B as a bouquet while saying happy Father's Day lololol... well his wife was pissed that a neighbor's contractor's car died and he left it in our community for a week, so Monday and Tuesday I took my pin oaks and placed them under the windshield wipers. I explained to B and his wife that when Mike died people made a memorial for him. The car is dead so this is its Memorial. B's wife was saddened by this. Miraculously the car was removed today (the magic of pinocchios lololol).
No one called me from my friend's company, but I'm frankly not ready yet. Meh... I won't let myself be unemployed longer than 3 months. I'll go work at petco if need be so I can feel productive and have some discounts applied to litter and cat food. I have enough money to be ok for a few years. I just need to feel productive.
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2011
- Messages
- 6,589
Oh... another inappropriate moment courtesy of moi tonight lololol. B's guest Sean was leaving not long after I stopped by. He asked how are you? I replied, "I'm a widow now!" Awkward pause...his eyes becomes large and round lolol, so I then exclaim, "I didn't kill him!"
Eek 3 am...
Eek 3 am...
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2010
- Messages
- 2,606
Glad to hear you are finding some humorous and relaxing moments during an otherwise difficult time, and you aren't pushing yourself too hard PB.
My contract also recently wasn't renewed as the company I did overflow work for finally became fully staffed after 5 years of being shorthanded. So I'm right there with you in job limbo. I'm also awake at 3 am. Pfft.
My contract also recently wasn't renewed as the company I did overflow work for finally became fully staffed after 5 years of being shorthanded. So I'm right there with you in job limbo. I'm also awake at 3 am. Pfft.
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- Jan 23, 2016
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- 2,144
Hahahahahahahahahaha! I love your humor! Made my day!
freezing_in_MO
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2013
- Messages
- 210
Yay! Kitties are the best! 
I am sure that they are returning Mama's love.
It's a testament to your resilience that I laughed out loud at this comment. Your wit and humor are incomparable.
I am sure that they are returning Mama's love. It's a testament to your resilience that I laughed out loud at this comment. Your wit and humor are incomparable.
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
- Messages
- 15,809
WHOA !
Can't answer That One !
Good for you !
Can't answer That One !
Good for you !
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- Jul 27, 2011
- Messages
- 6,589
Went to bed late, woke up early... got a call that I need another form populated and notarized for the medical examiner's office to release the record to the insurance company. Got a text from my job lead I need to provide a resume. (Grrr my LinkedIn is the same thing but more current). Feel strange - second to last day of work. A bit anxious, and no psychologist appointment this Monday.
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- Aug 29, 2003
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- 15,809
freezing_in_MO
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2013
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- 210
I don't know what your work schedule is like. If you don't currently work from home, maybe you can get some super-soft pajamas and enjoy hanging out in them all day on Monday.
Your situation reminded me of this:
Your situation reminded me of this:
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2011
- Messages
- 6,589
I went from anxious to angry tonight.
Early today I had my last status meeting today. Everyone thanked me for my work. I walked around a lot of work off my anxiety. I pulled a big handful of pin oaks today, put a gray balaclava on and presented the bouquet to my neighbor who was laughing like wtf girl?! The vehicle that "stalled" in the community for a week left yesterday and came back and was ditched here again. The drive removed most but a couple pin oaks from under his wiper. The brown acorns look like little poop balls
. I stuck my new bouquet of pin oaks under the wiper again. No one will know it's me bc I have a balaclava on.
I looked over my plants in the backyard and counted my tomato yield - 4. It looks like I have 4 pink hydrangeas, 2 blues and 2 unknowns. I ripped out some ajuga from my front garden and planted them in one of the common area garden beds.
Everyone applauded me for being up before 8 despite falling asleep close to 4 AM lolol. I knew I had to eat lunch/dinner by 330, but was waffling. My friend happened to call from the bar she works at. I had asked her to confirm which fire department responded to Mike's accident. Huh - it wasn't 1, it was 3. I was like ok I can't handle sending 3 baskets of goodies out bc the enormity of the accident is getting harder and harder to swallow as I get more of these "reality checks". The fireman she spoke to said anyone that said mike spoke words (I didn't hear this but local bar fly scuttlebut I guess) is a liar. He did not suffer. He was gone. He explained that often these roads when they don't get rain in a while get oil on them, and that plus the torrential rain and driving down hill on a curve were big contributing factors. One funny village factoid is that we have two firehouses around the corner from each other bc one responded to Christian's and one for non Christian's? (Wtf?) - that's what my friend said. And of course her follow up question is did you eat? Yes - 4 garlic knots for breakfast. So I hopped in my car and went and bought two bagels and brought them to her bar and ate one with the barflies. My friend was tired too lolol. I ordered a sprite and she gave me a Diet Coke lololol. The second bagel is breakfast! I had chips and salsa for snack later in the evening. Sue, my friend, says I need to eat protein lolol. She laughed so hard when I told her how carefully I had to change my sheets bc of the poppy seeds, sesame seeds, onion etc in my bed from eating bagels in bed. I think I chipped a molar filling again while eating my bagel. I thought I was safe switching from egg everything to egg onion!
Anger. I just started crying in the kitchen later in the evening bc I was so angry that This job is over and I need to find a new one. Calling people and informing them I'm free to freelance is frustrating for me right now bc I'm reaching out to places I'd prefer not to work, like my former coworker at Mike's and my former company. He told me they had a "town hall meeting" where they recognized my DH posthumously - like seriously? The president asked Mike's colleagues and supervisors for input on him and wow did you know he was talented and hardworking and could do this and that? Wtf? And the ****ers didn't invite me. They had a moment of silence. Huh. They want to do a scholarship or something. Huh.
Oh yeah, when my BIL followed up with HR on Monday about any personal belongings at his desk they said nothing but his business cards and name plate you want them? Wtf! Come to find out from a random text they already have a new gal sitting at his old desk! Sloppy.
I went from kitchen crying to ugly crying in the shower thinking about willydiamond's 10th anniversary present thread. Is someone gonna think about me like that one day and want to give me a special day and a special present?
Early today I had my last status meeting today. Everyone thanked me for my work. I walked around a lot of work off my anxiety. I pulled a big handful of pin oaks today, put a gray balaclava on and presented the bouquet to my neighbor who was laughing like wtf girl?! The vehicle that "stalled" in the community for a week left yesterday and came back and was ditched here again. The drive removed most but a couple pin oaks from under his wiper. The brown acorns look like little poop balls
. I stuck my new bouquet of pin oaks under the wiper again. No one will know it's me bc I have a balaclava on.I looked over my plants in the backyard and counted my tomato yield - 4. It looks like I have 4 pink hydrangeas, 2 blues and 2 unknowns. I ripped out some ajuga from my front garden and planted them in one of the common area garden beds.
Everyone applauded me for being up before 8 despite falling asleep close to 4 AM lolol. I knew I had to eat lunch/dinner by 330, but was waffling. My friend happened to call from the bar she works at. I had asked her to confirm which fire department responded to Mike's accident. Huh - it wasn't 1, it was 3. I was like ok I can't handle sending 3 baskets of goodies out bc the enormity of the accident is getting harder and harder to swallow as I get more of these "reality checks". The fireman she spoke to said anyone that said mike spoke words (I didn't hear this but local bar fly scuttlebut I guess) is a liar. He did not suffer. He was gone. He explained that often these roads when they don't get rain in a while get oil on them, and that plus the torrential rain and driving down hill on a curve were big contributing factors. One funny village factoid is that we have two firehouses around the corner from each other bc one responded to Christian's and one for non Christian's? (Wtf?) - that's what my friend said. And of course her follow up question is did you eat? Yes - 4 garlic knots for breakfast. So I hopped in my car and went and bought two bagels and brought them to her bar and ate one with the barflies. My friend was tired too lolol. I ordered a sprite and she gave me a Diet Coke lololol. The second bagel is breakfast! I had chips and salsa for snack later in the evening. Sue, my friend, says I need to eat protein lolol. She laughed so hard when I told her how carefully I had to change my sheets bc of the poppy seeds, sesame seeds, onion etc in my bed from eating bagels in bed. I think I chipped a molar filling again while eating my bagel. I thought I was safe switching from egg everything to egg onion!
Anger. I just started crying in the kitchen later in the evening bc I was so angry that This job is over and I need to find a new one. Calling people and informing them I'm free to freelance is frustrating for me right now bc I'm reaching out to places I'd prefer not to work, like my former coworker at Mike's and my former company. He told me they had a "town hall meeting" where they recognized my DH posthumously - like seriously? The president asked Mike's colleagues and supervisors for input on him and wow did you know he was talented and hardworking and could do this and that? Wtf? And the ****ers didn't invite me. They had a moment of silence. Huh. They want to do a scholarship or something. Huh.
Oh yeah, when my BIL followed up with HR on Monday about any personal belongings at his desk they said nothing but his business cards and name plate you want them? Wtf! Come to find out from a random text they already have a new gal sitting at his old desk! Sloppy.
I went from kitchen crying to ugly crying in the shower thinking about willydiamond's 10th anniversary present thread. Is someone gonna think about me like that one day and want to give me a special day and a special present?
Did You Miss the March 2024 Jewels of the Weeks?
Did You Miss the March 2024 Jewels of the Weeks? - 03/30
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