I want the old PS, and I want it NOW!!

[katamari]

While I agree with much of what has been said on here, I do think there is one important missing piece. I think whenever you ban deep topics (esp. politics) you get more vanilla posts (and I mean this both as a play on Matata's hypothetical conversation and as without controversy or substance).

For instances, regarding Steel's assessment of the pet peeve thread, I would agree that there were some comments made that we could have used for a springboard to discuss heterosexism, sexism, or classism. However, since we are not allowed to discuss these topics for fear that people assume they turn political (or, to some, are political in their being), we instead revert to a discussion of feelings and individualize it. As I see it, things that could be somewhat political posts instead turn into perceived personal attacks since that is the only way we are allowed to talk about them. This doesn't mean I am necessarily advocating listing the ban on forbidden topics, but I do think when you remove the ability to have discussions around contested topics you get a lot more vapid topics. I also know I sometimes bite my tongue or don't post because I am political and discusses controversial topics and I try to respect the forum's rules to do not do this. (Although I do also agree to be as much the same poster as I can be pre-transition as I am post-transition, in respect to the pledge now circulating in this thread).

I also agree that a lot of central and frequent posters left during the transition, perhaps partially because they had other means of contacting each other. This means a lot of thread starters and contributors are now gone. I also feel like we have fewer people hanging on past BWW and LIW than before.

ETA: when I saw "agree" in para2, I mean to the posters who express concern in the pet peeves thread.

 

[risingsun]

I think that some posters are taking Uppy's comments too literally. As for myself, I am not asking that we go back to the old PS format. I would like to see us post directly, without hurting/harming each other. Being direct is one thing, acting like a schoolyard bully is something else entirely. I have seen both on these boards and think that I have enough insight to discern the difference. In addition, having fun at another's expense is like being back in high school again. I have had it happen to me by a poster who claims he cannot tolerate intolerance. He made light of an ad campaign for medical condition that is very important to me, given my own and my family history. I found the ad to be inappropriate. Then he told me that I was too sensitive. No dialogue, just one liners. That kind of passive-aggressive behavior is a load of rubbish. I see more of that on this site, lately. "Oh, you don't get my sense of humor, that's your fault". An apology for hurting another poster is a civil act, which doesn't mean we can't be direct. It does mean that we can't say whatever we please.

I find it increasingly difficult to participate in RT. If you make a suggestion, there are several posters who get on your thread and on your case to find fault, including a particular vendor. A newbie asked a question about a setting he wanted to purchase. I have that setting. I responded. Then came the usual group of suspects to tell him he could do better. He didn't want to do better, he wanted the setting in question. After a awhile, who wants to make recommendations, only to be criticized. I have the knowledge to recommend certain types of diamonds. I have stopped doing so because there is no room for posters like me to be heard.

I have only posted two personal examples. I have observed many more, some of which concern me and most of which are directed at other posters. I have heard others say that if people leave PS, that is their problem. I disagree. I think it is our problem.

 

[Upgradable]

You know, RS, I find that my decrease in participation at Rocky Talk is for exactly the same reason. If you don't toe the party line then somehow your comments are not valid. I think that's what learning should be about: get the rules, apply them, then critically examine them in accordance to your personal wants and likes.

 

[Steel]

n/m

 

[risingsun]

You know, RS, I find that my decrease in participation at Rocky Talk is for exactly the same reason. If you don't toe the party line then somehow your comments are not valid. I think that's what learning should be about: get the rules, apply them, then critically examine them in accordance to your personal wants and likes.

Did I hear the voice of critical thinking? Yes, I think I did

 

[katamari]

Steel, I did read and want to respond to your post. However, I see you edited it and will respect that. It did make me think deeply and was quite fascinating, so I will at least say that I appreciated that.

 

[purplesilk]

Risingsun and Upgradable, do you think PSers have become just bully ? Any suspect of some vendors ' hand in it?

 

[Steel]

......

Thank you.

 

[HollyS]

I agree with several posters here: Matata, ksinger, KimberlyH.

But there is one thing that some have alluded to, and I have experienced - - time and again. If you say something that someone wants to find offensive (no matter your intent or even IF you apologize for being misconstrued), others will pile on until it becomes a bashing of The Offensive Poster. The Alleged Offensive Poster. But once you are labeled as such, others perceive you as being someone who chooses to offend, every time you post.

So, if you plan to say what you think, think again. It will not be welcomed. We can talk about it in theory, but practicing one's new found resolve to be honest and straightforward will be met with extreme resistance. Which is, after all, why this discussion exists. You've noticed the resistance. I'll be real surprised if common sense wins out. But I'll back you all the way.

 

[KimberlyH]

I understand the intent of the original post and those who agree, but even within those ranks there are large discrepencies (sp) regarding what PS was, is, and should be (too sweet, too mean, over-moderated, not moderated enough). That poses a large problem, except it doesn't because it's not our house, it belongs to the owners and the mods that represent them and they have the final say. So we can, as I said, participate in ways that satisfy our needs, and if we're not pleased with how things are then it's time to move on, create your own space where you get to choose who says what and how, but to continue to stay here and spend your spare time voluntarily in a place that causes distress seems so silly to me.

 

[TravelingGal]

There are just some topics that people can't speak about rationally. Or should I say politely. No big surprise, it is what it is and the reason why a lot of topics are banned.

Steal, in the thread you mentioned, you were definitely entitled to your opinion, and you knew it was going to be unpopular. I think it was perfectly OK for people to question why (because some were really curious) or to simply say they will never understand your reasoning. But I agree that some of the inflammatory insults didn't help in furthering the conversation. They were simply meant to say, "I disagree and I'm going to flame you for it."

RisingSun, I think I know the thread you're speaking of, and you may interested to see two separate stories on msnbc today regarding the topic.

 

[dragonfly411]

I agree with several posters here: Matata, ksinger, KimberlyH.

But there is one thing that some have alluded to, and I have experienced - - time and again. If you say something that someone wants to find offensive (no matter your intent or even IF you apologize for being misconstrued), others will pile on until it becomes a bashing of The Offensive Poster. The Alleged Offensive Poster. But once you are labeled as such, others perceive you as being someone who chooses to offend, every time you post.

So, if you plan to say what you think, think again. It will not be welcomed. We can talk about it in theory, but practicing one's new found resolve to be honest and straightforward will be met with extreme resistance. Which is, after all, why this discussion exists. You've noticed the resistance. I'll be real surprised if common sense wins out. But I'll back you all the way.

My post disappeared

I meant to say that it seems like those that find offense are taking things more personally and it has been more frequent in the past year to me. I miss the frankness. I have grown a much thicker skin as of late. I was one of the ones who took stuff too personally, and I rather regret it, as I think it made some folks not like me as much. I try to keep an open mind now and respond after thinking on answers. I wish we could have more of the straight forward, this is my opinion, I'll listen to your opinion posting. Even to the point of debating.

 

[yssie]

I find it increasingly difficult to participate in RT. If you make a suggestion, there are several posters who get on your thread and on your case to find fault, including a particular vendor. A newbie asked a question about a setting he wanted to purchase. I have that setting. I responded. Then came the usual group of suspects to tell him he could do better. He didn't want to do better, he wanted the setting in question. After a awhile, who wants to make recommendations, only to be criticized. I have the knowledge to recommend certain types of diamonds. I have stopped doing so because there is no room for posters like me to be heard.

RS, Uppy, I post in RT a lot and I see what you are saying. I do think, though, that there are two "layers", if you will.

When someone comes on looking for a recommendation - yes, posters descend en masse to automatically and thoughtlessly tout H&A, their choice of PS vendor, "ideal cut", those aggravatingly closeminded 'cheat sheets', without taking the time to find out what any of it actually means.

And yes, it's incredibly frustrating to have typed out a thoughtful post about why a stone is or isn't worth pursuing, only to have someone jump in immediately afterward and say "I recommend you just get an in-house H&A, they're the most beautiful of them all!!!"

But, there are also people who do care about the differences and who do see the value in alternative makes, only one poster's cautionary post is likely to be drowned out in the chorus. I'm sad to see that you and Uppy have ceased to post in RT, because views and experiences that differ from the party line is exactly what RT needs - it's cyclic, afterall.

 

[TooPatient]

I've been away from the computer this weekend and considered just skipping this thread when I saw the subject. I'm really glad I didn't -- I just finished reading ALL 7 pages.

I'm not going to respond to every post individually since there are so many but ---

Uppy: Thank you! You are wonderful, thoughtful, and not afraid to speak your mind. You say the stuff that the rest of us just keep inside.

Haven: You are so funny! I love that you read your own posts because you didn't recognize your avatar. I have seen some of the help you've given in BWW and it is wonderful. Even when I don't respond to you, I enjoy your posts. You are kind and put much thought into your responses. You have so much information to add.

ksinger: I'd love to see "the old farts" who have BTDT offering more advice everywhere. I get so much good information from all of you and have been sad to see less and less. Speaking just for myself, I don't really respond (especially if I'm not the OP) to "old farts" because I don't really know what to say except "Wow. I never really thought about that part before. Thanks for giving me something to think about". --- Please keep posting!

Perry: Post more!



My thoughts on all this:

I think it was Karl (among others) who mentioned respect. That is one of the BIG things that seems to be in a shortage around here. I don't agree with every opinion that gets shared here -- in fact I feel VERY strongly opposed to some of the opinions I've read here BUT I respect the people who posted them. There is NO REASON we can't all have our own (different!) opinions and still fight it out like civilized adults. (I love the chocolate/vanilla icecream example!)
Respect, in my mind, addresses many of the different issues people have mentioned.


What is the "fix"?
I don't know. I, for one, am going to try to post more honestly. I'm sick of being super careful to choose my words *just right* and then deciding to not post because "what's the point?" or "it'll just be taken wrong anyway"
And by "honestly" I mean that I'm going to work REALLY hard to share my true opinion in a well thought out way regardless of how it may be taken -- and I will do it while respecting everyone.



ETA: Ella, Andrey, and all of the others --- thank you for letting us talk like this. There is so much that needs to be said. You all are wonderful and are doing your best to juggle so many different considerations. I'm really glad I'm not the one having to make the tough calls about how far to let threads go, PM/no-PM, etc and I'm really glad we have people like you who care enough about PS and all of us to do that tough job.

 

[risingsun]

I am going to disagree with the statement that some people choose to be offended. I think that there have been comments made that are offensive and I choose to respond with my opinion. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I understand that we can choose how to respond to an activating event. Nowhere in this theory does it state that all activating events are without agendas, malice or ill will. I can choose to ignore them; choose to become passive aggressive about them; or choose to confront the poster about them. I would rather not play games. I would rather be direct, Holly.

 

[risingsun]

There are just some topics that people can't speak about rationally. Or should I say politely. No big surprise, it is what it is and the reason why a lot of topics are banned.

Steal, in the thread you mentioned, you were definitely entitled to your opinion, and you knew it was going to be unpopular. I think it was perfectly OK for people to question why (because some were really curious) or to simply say they will never understand your reasoning. But I agree that some of the inflammatory insults didn't help in furthering the conversation. They were simply meant to say, "I disagree and I'm going to flame you for it."

RisingSun, I think I know the thread you're speaking of, and you may interested to see two separate stories on msnbc today regarding the topic.

Do you have a link to the stories?

 

[TravelingGal]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40197408/ns/us_news-life/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40072867/ns/us_news-giving/

 

[sillyberry]

I understand the intent of the original post and those who agree, but even within those ranks there are large discrepencies (sp) regarding what PS was, is, and should be (too sweet, too mean, over-moderated, not moderated enough). That poses a large problem, except it doesn't because it's not our house, it belongs to the owners and the mods that represent them and they have the final say. So we can, as I said, participate in ways that satisfy our needs, and if we're not pleased with how things are then it's time to move on, create your own space where you get to choose who says what and how, but to continue to stay here and spend your spare time voluntarily in a place that causes distress seems so silly to me.

Yep. Reading this thread it is just funny to me that we have the "more frank discussion!" camp and the "less being offensive!" camp, and both camps think something is broken here.

 

[risingsun]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40197408/ns/us_news-life/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40072867/ns/us_news-giving/

Thanks for the links, TGal. It supports my feelings about this approach to BC awareness. If the OP had been willing to have a direct and open conversation, I would have been receptive. Instead, he tried to shut me down and hoped that I would feel badly about my opinions. In this, he did not succeed. I don't like someone attempting to portray me as foolish, for their own amusement. I choose to take action and report him.

 

[HollyS]

I am going to disagree with the statement that some people choose to be offended. I think that there have been comments made that are offensive and I choose to respond with my opinion. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I understand that we can choose how to respond to an activating event. Nowhere in this theory does it state that all activating events are without agendas, malice or ill will. I can choose to ignore them; choose to become passive aggressive about them; or choose to confront the poster about them. I would rather not play games. I would rather be direct, Holly.

I've never known you to be anything other than direct.

But not every person who posts something that offends has an agenda, malice, or ill will. I've seen confrontations that made no sense. I've borne the brunt of more than a few. There is a tendency here, and it has gotten progressively worse, to create drama where no drama was necessary.

As a result, many people, not just me, have chosen to avoid those threads which could be problematic, and those posters who are known to play the drama card. Hence, the issue at hand of PS not being the forum it used to be.

We can discuss this 'til the cows come home, but I seriously doubt that anyone's directness will change this problem.

 

[risingsun]

I am going to disagree with the statement that some people choose to be offended. I think that there have been comments made that are offensive and I choose to respond with my opinion. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I understand that we can choose how to respond to an activating event. Nowhere in this theory does it state that all activating events are without agendas, malice or ill will. I can choose to ignore them; choose to become passive aggressive about them; or choose to confront the poster about them. I would rather not play games. I would rather be direct, Holly.

I've never known you to be anything other than direct.

But not every person who posts something that offends has an agenda, malice, or ill will. I've seen confrontations that made no sense. I've borne the brunt of more than a few. There is a tendency here, and it has gotten progressively worse, to create drama where no drama was necessary.

As a result, many people, not just me, have chosen to avoid those threads which could be problematic, and those posters who are known to play the drama card. Hence, the issue at hand of PS not being the forum it used to be.

We can discuss this 'til the cows come home, but I seriously doubt that anyone's directness will change this problem.

I agree with you, Holly, that not every post has an agenda, malice or ill will. I know you have borne the burnt of undeserved criticism. I wish that direct and honest communication would make a difference on PS. I think if it was practiced on a regular basis, it could. I don't expect this to happen any time soon. Some people thrive on drama and manipulation. This is unlikely to stop until their audience ceases to respond.

 

[Sad]

Before I begin this post I would like to thank the Admin and owners of PS for allowing this discussion to even exist. I think it is healthy, though only if people are being honest. Back in the days of the original PS owners, this conversation would have never been allowed so I am personally pleased to see that it even exists right now.

During the PS 1.0 and 2.0 change over, I became unable to log in under my usual screen name/account, one that I have had for many years now. To be honest, I was so fed up with the negative antics of PS by the time of the changeover, that I never followed up with the Admin here to see why my account was no longer working properly. I should also say that I am connected to many of the posters here on FB and unfortunately, I am not as brave as Gypsy is/was the other day, to spill out all the off-PS goings on under my original name. But after reading this thread and following the ones that got deleted the other day, I feel I must say something, even if it is under a name you do not recognize. And since people will probably complain about why I am posting anonymously, please know that one of my very best friends in the world first invited me to join PS and she is still a very active member here and would be extremely upset that I am saying what I know publicly. I don’t want her to feel any fallout by her association with me.

For the record, the things Gypsy said were happening on FB were true and real. I know because I was invited into that group when the planned gang ups started happening here. A few people would decided that so-and-so bugged them to the point that they would then instigate others coming to PS to post negative things towards that poster and their threads. I am not going to name all the PS members who were victims of this twisted game, but there were at least 5 or so that I can remember who were directly ganged up upon, and much of the planning on what to say was done on FB. Gypsy was not lying about that or making it up, and it was actually worse that she alluded to. I was appalled to see grown women behaving like this and I disassociated myself and did not participate, however, and I am ashamed to admit this, I also did not speak up and say STOP THIS AT ONCE, which I should have done. I also know – for a fact – that most of the people here who say they were not involved – they were indeed involved, right up to their ears, and they all know who they are. To see these women acting like a bunch of pre-teen mean girls, ganging up on and bullying people was very off-putting to say the least. Some of the blame must go to the moderating at the time though, because no matter how terrible the gang ups were, the moderating only happened once the most awful things were already out there. Some of these threads literally went on for days before a warning would be issued, or a thread closed or even deleted in some cases.

Ironically, many of the worst offenders are those now chastising others, and who are clamoring to have PM rights reinstated here on PS. I know firsthand from my dear friend how these same people used to harass and berate other PS members back in the days via the PM system. Whether they were harassed off the board by ugly PMs back then, or run off the board by more recent gang ups and outright bullying, most of those who have left permanently were PS's most interesting, genuine and thought-provoking posters. They are all gone now. I know some of them in real life and they want nothing to do with PS ever again. Why? Because of the ugly, mob mentality behavior that has been exhibited consistently over and over throughout the last few years. I know there will be some of you who will cry “Impostor! You don’t know anything!” Well what I know is that I walk amongst you over on FB and I know full well what you talk about on a daily basis and there is plenty of PS smack talk regarding this thread or that thread or this PS poster or that one. You know it’s true. The main reason this board will likely not recover is because those who engage in this behavior have created the very cancer that is killing off the board. What I don’t get is now that you’ve run off the great contributors, and you have achieved your goal of creating a more insular space for your VIP inner circle, why are you now complaining about it being boring? You ran off all the great people and the few who still pop in now and then don't really contribute in the way they used to, of course it’s going to be boring, but that’s what you created with your over the top antics and your exclusiveness.

Another thing I see here is “creative truthfulness”, which I’ve seen plenty of in this thread. People keep saying that PS isn’t talked about on FB but it definitely is. And people here keep saying that FB isn’t the reason that PS is failing right now, and that old timers are not snubbing the newbies, that there is no hierarchy. Of course you are talking and there is a pecking order here. In fact, there is a clear example of it right here, taken from a FB conversation (I have removed the avatars and names references in the hopes that I do not reveal people’s real identities so I have deleted the avatars and the FB user names, as well as references to user or real names):

Pricescope1: I love this! It's like a high school reunion, but only with the people that are actually nice and fun to be around
September 6 at 5:53am • View Feedback (7)Hide Feedback (7)
• 4 people like this.
Pricescope2: You may never post of PS again
September 6 at 7:05am
Pricesope3: LOL I agree with Pricescope1 - once I found everyone here I got really lax on the boards.
September 6 at 7:08am
Pricescope1: I think I'm feeling that already
September 6 at 1:41pm

Clearly, those of you who say FB isn’t impacting things here are not being truthful because based on the above exchange, people do not want to engage with anyone other that those they find “nice and fun to be around”. So much for honesty in this thread. As for never talking about PS, please:

Pricescope4 :Tired of being irritating. Perhaps an internet break is in order.
Pricescope5: You are not irritating! What is wrong?
June 23 at 4:37pm
Pricescope4: Just seems like everything I have been doing on a number of websites does not come out like I mean it to.
June 23 at 5:20pm
Pricescope6: i totally get how you feel. hugs to you, Pricescope4!
June 23 at 6:09pm
Pricescope5: I don't know if you are referring to PS, but that wasn't fair to you. Such a big deal made about a simple comment.
June 23 at 8:44pm
Pricescope7: You aren't irritating. I think people picked your thread apart and that was mean.
June 24 at 8:13am
Pricescope6: Pricescope4, i don't know the thread because I'm not on PS anymore. but in my experience, when you're only associating with people via the written word, you need to cut them all KINDS of slack. anyone who doesn't do that isn't being realistic a...bout how little they know you. i find on PS that some people say the most outrageous things and they're ignored or even agreed with because people are intimidated by them. whereas some people say the mildest things with the best of intentions - and people are all *over* them! add in the moderators who have favorites and relational issues of their own, and you have a slow-cooker of relational disaster! Pricescope5 - can you give me the link to the thread?See More
June 24 at 8:24am
Pricescope6: that thread has been deleted Pricescope6.

So yes, FB is indeed impacting the tone and traffic and content over here. But in my opinion, it’s not because people cannot have access to PMs here. It is because there is a bias towards only wanting to hang out with like-minded people now. And that is a sad situation to me. It leans too much towards intolerance of anyone who is not exactly in line with how another person thinks. The “old” PS had many more differing personalities and it was refreshing for sure. But please don’t think that this nastiness was not already going on behind the scenes then, it was always here once enough different people became members. And ironically, the ring leaders and instigators are still here, trying to get people to fall in line with their way of thinking, once again commandeering this forum and trying to make it only what they want it to be. I have to agree with the posters who have said that this place is what you make it, and it will always be changing and shifting. Like a shark, it dies if you try to force it to live in a restricted space of your making.

People on this thread have also argued about not making new members feel welcomed. Just look at the threads about giving one particular poster their very own special 1k gift because they deserve it and have been here so long (To be clear, I like the poster in question, it's not about the poster, it's about the action of the post). How do you suppose new members feel reading that type of post? To me it does not sound as ‘giving’ as some make it out to be. Instead, it serves to further isolate and separate those who are with the “in” group, and those who are not. How is that fostering a community? Why do people even feel the need to be rewarded for posting their personal thoughts on an internet forum? When did what is essentially gossiping become a sport one should receive a gift for?

Someone said respect is lacking, which it is. But to me, the lack of trust amongst members is the saddest fall out of all of this, and yet, I know firsthand that mistrust is warranted from what I have seen with my own eyes. To those who have not been a party to the madness, and there are very few of you, good luck getting things to a more engaging level. And to those who pretend to be the saviors of this site, shame on you for not being honest about your participation in driving good people away.

 

[Steel]

Sad: I don’t quite understand. But I think you are trying to be helpful. I just don't understand social networking so this whole FB 'drama' is over my head.

Deleted - I was wrong (again today )

 

[Upgradable]

I am SOOOO tired of all of these conspiracy theories!!! The more energy spent on trying to ferret out the culprits or reasons for the slowdown in posting, the less energy there is to make an individual effort to make it better!!!

Each of us can do no more than improve our own approach to the board. Do it, or not. Just quit talking!!! It's time to WALK THE WALK!

 

[perry]

Thanks for posting that - and I understand your need to be unanimous.

You are correct that the same behaviors (and gaining up on people) was the reason the PMs were ended on PS. I have always known that some of this continued (even before Facebook) because many of these people had exchanged email addresses via the PM system.

I also agree that many thoughtful posters have left. I don't post as much anymore without much to think about and debate.

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[perry]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40197408/ns/us_news-life/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40072867/ns/us_news-giving/

About time.... TGal - thanks for posting that.

And now the link to the PS discussion on this issue (and I took a side a usual).

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-love-boobies-the-controversy.149764/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-love-boobies-the-controversy.149764/[/URL]


Have a great day,

Perry

 

[vintagelover229]

Sad:
I'm not sure who you are, but it really doesn't matter either. I have stayed away from *most* of the threads that have taken place over the last few days, and to be honest, I'm not sure what to make of them.

I won't say that FB hasn't affected the PS group, because it has. I am friends with MANY of the members here, and quite frankly, I love it. I still post on PS (actually, more so now than before) but find that I can talk to these people about personal things in my life (if I choose to) quicker than I can on PS. I do know of the group your referring to, because I am apart of that group. However, during that part of my life I was going though so much crap (planning a wedding, and just as quickly, a divorce) that I didn't have time to keep up, let alone realize what was happening on the board. I vaguely recall what happened with Itala (it was discussed on the board) but it was only the aftermath that I read, and I had no clue that it was planned (if it was, I haven't back tracked, nor do I care to, to find out). I am really sad that she decided to leave, and I will be honest, I am horrified that this has taken place (but not surprised).

This is an internet forum first and foremost. The friendships that people have developed with each other on or off the board is a wonderful extra that many of us take for granted, but we need to keep in mind, whenever it's a public forum, there is going to be petty drama and hurt feelings. Intentional or not, it's going to happen. People go though crap in their "real" lives, and take it out on people that they don't know IRL on the internet, for a number of reasons. Not saying its right, because it's not. But the fact of the matter is, we only know what these people tell us. I'd like to say that I trust each of my FB PS friends, but that isn't the case. I still have allowed them into that part of my life because I still care about them, even if they don't feel good enough about themselves (or whatever reason they have) to state the truth or let their guard down back to me.

I know I have matured since I have joined PS (man, looking back on my first posts...horrifies me...I can't even believe my ex married me (not that he was great either) let alone not get flamed by the regulars who were helping me pick out a ring. I was selfish, a brat, defensive, and wouldn't listen to save my life. However this board helped me get though a lot of those things (not by attacking anyone thankfully) but with the mindset that I had, I'm ashamed to admit, that if it had been the right person, where I was in my life, I may have joined in (although I'm thankful that I was to busy to even notice let alone participate). With a lot of maturing and hard work I've become a lot more healthy person and have had to look at hard truths about myself that have helped me grow and deal with things in a mature manner, but that doesn't happen for everyone (prez hilton anyone) until later in life, sometimes, never at all. While I dont agree we should allow it to happen, I can't help but think about WHY they are doing it.

There are people on PS that I consider "friends" although some closer than others. I'm also still friends with (who I think) was apart of the "bully" group, and even though they did what they did, I still care about them. Do I hold them in as high of regard...I'm not sure. Each person changes and handles things differently, right or wrong, I am not here to judge. I am also not condoning internet bulling, because that is wrong as well. I hope those who were hurt by it will eventually come back, but I am asking myself if PS is a place I want to participate on any longer (as well as the sub groups of it). At min I am planning on keeping the friends I have on FB, but with the events that have happened, and the reactions, and everything...I'm considering taking a PS break. This place has it's good and it's bad, and for the most part, I notice the good (heck I hardly know what the drama is anymore, let alone be apart of it).

I'm not sure why I posted this, or if my post will even be clear at all. However I do know that PS was a great place at one point, and it still is even with all the drama. However, things have been pretty crazy around here, and in light of new(ish) information it's making me rethink my part here. I've always laid pretty low (and haven't felt noticed) but never really minded or cared. I love helping people, and getting others view on things, which is why I stayed around after everything is all said and done (not to mention BLING). I hope that after I do some reflecting I'll be able to make a better decision on what lies ahead for me regarding this forum. I know I'll at least lurk for a while

 

[AGBF]

Thanks for posting that - and I understand your need to be unanimous.

Like Mrs. Slocum.

Deb

 

[natalina]

Gosh, where to begin. I've been around here for a few years, either lurking or as a member. As my life has changed, so has where I post on the boards. Isn't that natural? LIW, RT, SMTR/B, BWW, FHH (TTC, preggo, newborn, now 1+). I have always thought it was cool that you are able to kinda 'grow' through the forum, and that you naturally develop ties to those that are 'growing' along with you. When I have time, I post more. When life is crazy, not so much. And I will admit, I am part of a FB PS group. But it must not be "the" group you all are talking about, because ours is just a bunch of moms with babies around the same age discussing naps, babyfood, and sometimes baby poop . Nothing malicious there.
Am I really an irresponsible PS'er because I can't commit hours to posting across the boards on topics I may not have much interest in or relevant info to contribute? I hope not.
As far as all the direct/snarky/disrespectful/offensive stuff goes, I will say that when I started here a few years back I noticed that a few of the very direct posters seemed to be the most 'popular' (sounds so lame, like we are in 5th grade). However, I honestly felt that they were (and still are) just that, direct. Meaning no disrespect whatsoever. It seems that some posters that have come along since have decided that being snarky is cool and clever, and that has kinda morphed to disrespect. I find this very unfortunate. However, I kinda take the approach that I will conduct myself here as I would if I were in a room with you all, and if these aggressive posters wish to present themselves this way, so be it. They are the ones that look immature/ignorant. Everyone has the right to their own opinions.

Sad- I enjoyed reading your response and respect your feelings. At the same time, I have to say (and I will probably get flamed for saying this, and maybe should just keep my nose out of it because it really has nothing to do with me) that I find it a bit disconcerting that you have taken what was clearly perceived to be a 'private' conversation amongst friends on FB and posted it here. I understand that you deleted names, etc. but the fact is that you made the decision to be part of that private group where each member should have reason to believe that what she says there would stay there. It is a private group that you have to be invited to/accept membership, correct? If so, it just seems like if you no longer agreed with the ongoings of the group, opt out and don't be a part of it any longer. Or speak up in the group and say that you didn't think the discussion was appropriate. Now, I understand that people should realize anything they post on the internet is public knowledge, but if it's in a private group it just seems kinda dirty to post it elsewhere. Sorry if that seems harsh, but it's just my opinion. And as a member of the group, you know I am being honest when I say I am NOT a member, so it really has nothing to do with me.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I am SOOOO tired of all of these conspiracy theories!!! The more energy spent on trying to ferret out the culprits or reasons for the slowdown in posting, the less energy there is to make an individual effort to make it better!!!

Each of us can do no more than improve our own approach to the board. Do it, or not. Just quit talking!!! It's time to WALK THE WALK!

Agreed. Let's stop pointing fingers and move forward. Beating a dead horse is not helping the problems on the board at all. Those that want to change will, and no long diatribe will force someone who doesn't want to change to act any differently. I think there have been many excellent points made but give it a rest!!