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I Think People Without Kids Have Empty Lives and I'm Not Sorry

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
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Oh those poor unfortunate souls without kids. It must be difficult to deal with more money (no college fund), a more flexible schedule, better sleep, and no one calling you at 5am on the day of a chemistry test to say that your son has been arrested for smoking pot. And then you have to deal with the extra money you saved because you didnt have to retain a lawyer. What an empty life!

Seriously, this might be the stupidest thing I've ever read (after Trump's tweets)
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Do you guys notice most of the PS mommies aren't replying to this thread? :bigsmile:
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Do you guys notice most of the PS mommies aren't replying to this thread? :bigsmile:
No. Who are you referring to? I noticed that a lot of us mothers have been replying to it. Who are you giving the name "P S mommies" to? It sounds pejorative since you obviously don't mean to use it to refer to Pricescope mothers.
 

jordyonbass

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Actually this sounds like a text book description of postpartum depression.
I would agree with this assessment @chemgirl , my mother had it and she had trouble bonding with my sister and I. Actually come to think of it, I haven't really seen my mother have genuine and unconditional love for anyone except my little boy. I just hope that it doesn't go unchecked, my father tried to help my mother but she was resistant. The result was quite a few stressful events that eventually culminated in the end of their marriage and my mother abandoning us.

It's something that I am very much wary of for my wife but I think she has bonded with our son and is more happier than I am.
 

Jimmianne

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As far as I’m concerned, the world needs all kinds of people… People without children and people who have raise children through the teen years and now have a permanent psychiatrist on call. :lol:
 

chemgirl

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I would agree with this assessment @chemgirl , my mother had it and she had trouble bonding with my sister and I. Actually come to think of it, I haven't really seen my mother have genuine and unconditional love for anyone except my little boy. I just hope that it doesn't go unchecked, my father tried to help my mother but she was resistant. The result was quite a few stressful events that eventually culminated in the end of their marriage and my mother abandoning us.

It's something that I am very much wary of for my wife but I think she has bonded with our son and is more happier than I am.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ll mention it to her if I see an opportunity.

Why I’m not so sure though is she was incredibly depressed while pregnant. She told me she wished for a car accident so she wouldn’t have to be pregnant anymore. Lots of comments about how much she dreaded the baby getting here. She was just completely miserable from day one. It wasn’t a good choice.
 

mellowyellowgirl

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May 17, 2014
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My mother was someone who should have never had kids.

She's infatuated with the idea of being a mother and has the gall to say she wished she had more.

One of the few times I stood up to them was when I was 13 and they wanted another child. I told them under no circumstances was I going to raise it. Oh the meltdown. My little sister is the only good thing (beyond good, she's everything wonderful in this world) to have come from that unfortunate family of mine but I was in no position to juggle a kid with a learning disability, an insane mother and a baby.

I think she would have had a much better life being an insane narcissistic fruit loop instead of having us around to cramp her style. However one of her very specific delusions was that she was a wonderful mother who raised successful kids so she needed us as props. Unfortunately for her we were actual people she had to deal with.
 

TheGarnetGirl

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I particularly liked how the whole first part of the piece was her explaining how she doesn't judge other people, before going on to spend the rest of it judging other people. Like the people who start a sentence with, I'm not a racist, but... Of course, you know right away what's coming.

As someone who loves being a parent, I think the whole piece is an entitled, smug, navel gazing, steaming pile of crap. In fact, I think being a parent is, in some ways, a very self-centered experience--it fundamentally reduces all larger issues to really being abut a few specific people important to you.

During the Ebola outbreak, I worried for my kids if it were to spread more widely. My childless epidemiologist sister-in-law went to set up testing facilities in Guinea. Which of us was leading a more meaningful life? Am I worried about climate change? Extremely. But if I'm brutally honest, the reason I'm so worried is because of the effect it will have on my children's lives. But, while I've made as many personal changes as I can, I'm not out there campaigning and working to combat it (don't have time because of parenting :lol:). So once again, parenthood has taken a societal problem and given it an inward focus for me. How does that make me, my life, or my experience in any way superior?

I wouldn't trade my kids or my experience for anything, but when I think about it, many of the people I know who have done truly amazing things in the world--or even just been the happiest--have been childless.
While I definetely dont think that your experience (with children) is superior in ANY way to your sister, dont down play your role in society or forget how important a role it is.

Mothers and fathers that are present and truly do their best to raise intelligent and compassionate children are so damn important because you're raising the next generation. We are bringing about the next line that will be the caretakers for this world and while society as a whole and the community at large (those with children and without) also bring up our children your role as their mother to protect them is so important. Your position as their mother (or father) is the one and only main crucial teacher and caretaker that guides them in this crazy life.
I see you and your sisters efforts during the crisis as both equally existentially important.
❤
 

bludiva

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My mother was someone who should have never had kids.

She's infatuated with the idea of being a mother and has the gall to say she wished she had more.

One of the few times I stood up to them was when I was 13 and they wanted another child. I told them under no circumstances was I going to raise it. Oh the meltdown. My little sister is the only good thing (beyond good, she's everything wonderful in this world) to have come from that unfortunate family of mine but I was in no position to juggle a kid with a learning disability, an insane mother and a baby.

I think she would have had a much better life being an insane narcissistic fruit loop instead of having us around to cramp her style. However one of her very specific delusions was that she was a wonderful mother who raised successful kids so she needed us as props. Unfortunately for her we were actual people she had to deal with.
my mm also should not have had kids. thought we would be little dolls she could dress up. abusive and uneven as a parent. makes a good grandma though ironically.
 

mellowyellowgirl

Ideal_Rock
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my mm also should not have had kids. thought we would be little dolls she could dress up. abusive and uneven as a parent. makes a good grandma though ironically.
Nice to hear that yours has redeemed herself as a grandma. Do you think she genuinely loves and enjoys the grandkids?

Mine can't be abusive since she doesn't have access to him (she's more interested in talking selfies than spending time with him) but the more I interact with her objectively the more I think she's got severe mental issues.

Everytime she sees me she appeals for me to send mine to swim lessons and for me to take him out in the school holidays and not lock him away.

He does go to weekly swim lessons and regularly gets taken to workshops and play dates. Yet she works herself up like he doesn't no matter what he says or what I say. It's like she lives in a different reality.

Now as an adult I really wonder if she's nuts and that's why her parenting was off the charts awful or whether she's just a horrible person.
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
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she does genuinely enjoy and love the grandkids. i think she's poisoned her relationships with everyone else except my dad, who has always put up with it/enabled it but she does dote on them.

i'm very glad for that but it's also a little galling honestly to see that she is capable of treating a child kindly knowing how she treated her own.

when i was a little kid i used to wish i'd never been born or pray to wake up dead because i was convinced by her constant yelling and throwing things and other terrible behavior that i didn't deserve to live.

so. awful. articles like the one that kicked of this thread don't help by promoting the idea that of course everyone should have kids. nope, some people really should not.
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
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Nice to hear that yours has redeemed herself as a grandma. Do you think she genuinely loves and enjoys the grandkids?

Mine can't be abusive since she doesn't have access to him (she's more interested in talking selfies than spending time with him) but the more I interact with her objectively the more I think she's got severe mental issues.

Everytime she sees me she appeals for me to send mine to swim lessons and for me to take him out in the school holidays and not lock him away.

He does go to weekly swim lessons and regularly gets taken to workshops and play dates. Yet she works herself up like he doesn't no matter what he says or what I say. It's like she lives in a different reality.

Now as an adult I really wonder if she's nuts and that's why her parenting was off the charts awful or whether she's just a horrible person.
btw i'm no expert but that does sound like some undiagnosed mental issues to me... my mom certainly had that too - totally warped sense of reality and she has calmed down now in her older age. (i think she always had mental health issues but wouldn't face them, a physical health issue forced her on to some pills that helped).
 

Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
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Lots of people in religious orders never had children, and I believe that they lead fulfilling lives.
 

Logan Sapphire

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Sep 5, 2003
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2,384
Hi,

I think, we as a society do think motherhood is not for everyone. This is just a woman who is giving her opinion on a facet of life. I notice that Missy has a quote that says something like,anyone who has not loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains unawakened. This is her opinion on a facet of life that is important to her. The feelings are just expressions of the opinions of those persons writing them.

Jambalya, I think you may be feeing a bit perhaps lonely, or out of sorts and these words are hitting a vulnerable spot. Believe me, children are no walk in the park. They look lovely when sleeping. I went thru a bad time years ago and I found thta children made me feel better. So when I was feeling doWN I used to borrow children. (not teens) ages 4-7. They make me feel good, especially knowing I can return them.
If you want to do a bit of family time, borrow a child alone without the parents. They should make you smile. Children belong to everybody. They too are separate from their parents. I have in the past developed nice relationships with children. If you have those, you are not missing anything. Enjoy what you have. I hope you feel better. Get a hug from a kid.

Annette
This made me laugh because I used to say the best part of the day was when the kids are asleep. Still true, sometimes, now that they're tweens.

My children are my world, but they're not my universe. No hard feelings towards anyone who feels differently but I don't like it when a child-free/less person is devalued solely because they haven't procreated.
 

Lilith112

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
599
My mother was someone who should have never had kids.

She's infatuated with the idea of being a mother and has the gall to say she wished she had more.

One of the few times I stood up to them was when I was 13 and they wanted another child. I told them under no circumstances was I going to raise it. Oh the meltdown. My little sister is the only good thing (beyond good, she's everything wonderful in this world) to have come from that unfortunate family of mine but I was in no position to juggle a kid with a learning disability, an insane mother and a baby.

I think she would have had a much better life being an insane narcissistic fruit loop instead of having us around to cramp her style. However one of her very specific delusions was that she was a wonderful mother who raised successful kids so she needed us as props. Unfortunately for her we were actual people she had to deal with.
I sometimes still struggle w/my mom's parenting-- namely the way she screwed up my eating habits/body image. To date, the only people that have said to my face that I need to lose weight, are the women in my family, including my mom and aunt.

As a result, I've developed a bucketful of mental health issues & control issues which...yeah, I don't think I'd be a good mom at all. For example, I'm terrified of accidentally modeling disordered eating habits to a hypothetical kid. Throw in my general anxiety around kids and my lovely student loans...I just don't see myself as being ready for a looooong time, if ever.
 

mellowyellowgirl

Ideal_Rock
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May 17, 2014
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I sometimes still struggle w/my mom's parenting-- namely the way she screwed up my eating habits/body image. To date, the only people that have said to my face that I need to lose weight, are the women in my family, including my mom and aunt.

As a result, I've developed a bucketful of mental health issues & control issues which...yeah, I don't think I'd be a good mom at all. For example, I'm terrified of accidentally modeling disordered eating habits to a hypothetical kid. Throw in my general anxiety around kids and my lovely student loans...I just don't see myself as being ready for a looooong time, if ever.
Aww honey *hugs*

I won't convince you to have or not have kids because you need to be at peace with that yourself. And you'll get there no matter what you decide.

However do not think for a minute you will be a crappy parent just because you've had bad parenting.

I've always had this clarity when it comes to my son. I really think it comes from knowing what the "crazy" reaction would be and then not taking that action. I've really learnt what not to do and go to great pains to make sure I don't do it!
 

Lilith112

Brilliant_Rock
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Jun 27, 2019
Messages
599
Aww honey *hugs*

I won't convince you to have or not have kids because you need to be at peace with that yourself. And you'll get there no matter what you decide.

However do not think for a minute you will be a crappy parent just because you've had bad parenting.

I've always had this clarity when it comes to my son. I really think it comes from knowing what the "crazy" reaction would be and then not taking that action. I've really learnt what not to do and go to great pains to make sure I don't do it!
Thank you for your kind words <3 I'd like to think I would know what not to do...but then again, I kinda second guess myself a lot I guess. Idk, I just feel like I need to work through my issues first before I feel comfortable about taking responsibility for someone else.

Luckily, my parents have never pestered me about having kids, but both my bf and my extended families have been pestering us about them. We were actually asked that question once within 5 minutes of meeting them!
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 2, 2014
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I really appreciate everyone's input, and sorry I disappeared. Work called (care sector).
 

Begonia

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Feb 2, 2011
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I sometimes still struggle w/my mom's parenting-- namely the way she screwed up my eating habits/body image. To date, the only people that have said to my face that I need to lose weight, are the women in my family, including my mom and aunt.

As a result, I've developed a bucketful of mental health issues & control issues which...yeah, I don't think I'd be a good mom at all. For example, I'm terrified of accidentally modeling disordered eating habits to a hypothetical kid. Throw in my general anxiety around kids and my lovely student loans...I just don't see myself as being ready for a looooong time, if ever.
I agree with mellow on this one. I had a horrible father, and my Mom was pretty abusive at times, as she was an abused wife. I went on to have 2 sons, and have done a pretty dang good job. They aren’t perfect, and have their share of issues, but we live, love and laugh our way through it together.

Wanna know what I did? I talked, and when they needed to talk, I listen(ed). If I was wretched to them, I apologized and explained what I was going through. Then I did better.

I don’t believe we were put on this earth solely to procreate, but I want you to keep an open mind and not let your upbringing stop you. I didn’t have my sh*t all together before I had kids, and went ahead. Kids tend to bring up stuff as you raise them anyway. Shine a light on sh*t, and it loses its power.

Hope that wasn’t too preachy Lilith. You’re a lovely gal.
 
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