I Think People Without Kids Have Empty Lives and I'm Not Sorry

[GliderPoss]

True, but big friggin whoop.
Being a parent doesn't make one superior.
By the same defective reasoning, the following could be claimed ...

there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a cancer victim".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a US president".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become an astronaut in space".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a scuba diver".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a sky diver".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a Olympic gold medal winner".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a heroin addict".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve had an abortion".
...
there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a discriminated-against minority".

there are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve been an innocent person convicted of a felony".


The list is endless.

This is just another example of that rampant ugly human disease, Belikemeitis.

I agree with you completely... you do realise my italics are where I'm just quoting from the article linked right?

 

[kenny]

I'm addressing just what was written, not the person who wrote or quoted it.
Not personal.

 

[kenny]

Daisy and Diamonds wrote, "Do people even say these kinds of things to blokes ?

Actually yes, my father said it to me when I told him I was gay.

At age 23 I told my father that I was gay.
He said something like, "I accept that you're gay but my heart bleeds for you because you'll never have children, and having children is the only reason for living", or some such crap.

Again, he didn't get that people vary.
Few do.

FWIW, my parents had 4 kids, but only one of them had one single child, well only one (an opps baby) that was not the result of incest.
I'm pretty sure it's because our childhoods were torture, and we didn't want to inflict anything near that on another child.

Some people should not have kids.
My father should not have.
It caused untold pain and suffering.

 

[jordyonbass]

@Jambalaya as someone that has recently become a parent for the first time, I might be able to give my perspective a bit here as I do remember what life was like before Finn came along.

I have always been a very motivated person, I was a bit rudderless for a while there but put myself back on course and have been on an upwards momentum. I learned how to juggle responsibility with reward and was quite enjoying myself while still moving in a positive direction. When I learned that Finn was on the way I was already saving money for our first home and I felt some extra motivation to keep going as I was.

But when Finn actually came along, everything got turned upside down for me and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I will do whatever I have to do to ensure that he is safe, a roof stays over his little head, he's warm and well fed (this includes my wife, she gave him life and is the most amazing mother to him). I've not had to do anything drastic by any means, but may someone have mercy on anyone who tries to hurt that little boy because I will not.

I thought I had a good work ethic and was motivated to achieve both quality and quantity for my jobs before Finn came along - I discovered that I can hit an even higher gear in all of those jobs while balancing my life at home too. I don't know how I managed to find more time to achieve more but I have and it's working for me.

I've also seen the difference that the little guy has brought in all our families. My father used to be quite hard on me, he's now the biggest pile of mush ever. My mother has become the quintessential Greek granny, her voice raises at least an octave when she sees her grandson. Even my sister who never really spoke to me much when we were interstate from each other now calls and messages me to ask for updates.

I don't think it's impossible for people to live a life that is as rich and fulfilling without kids as those with kids, as Kenny said people vary. It's that my life has become more enriched since Finn came along, along with everyone around us.

 

[Batgirl76]

Hugs to you, kenny. And kudos for not risking repeating history.
I understand where you are coming from.

 

[MeowMeow]

I am a parent and I feel like that article is BS. Children are not right for everybody and I hate that women and men feel forced into having them by guilt tripping crap like this. I no longer have an actual mother. She's been gone many years now but I am so appreciative of my wonderful aunt who never had children and I consider her my other mother. She is as valued to me as my blood family and I know that she and my uncle's lives are just as fulfilling as mine and I am so glad she chooses to have me in it and treat me as her own.

 

[bludiva]

I've heard this from friends, I think it is an extremely presumptuous thing to say, not to mention incredibly rude to people who want to have kids but can't.

I've seen parenthood totally change a few people but to be frank those folks were on the self centered side before. most people i know didn't find hidden depths as parents, just new priorities.

Based on the quotes (bc I'm not gonna read the article) I'm guessing this person was not so self aware before parenthood, and still has some room to go.... :/

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

What total rubbish BS and how incredibly offensive.

I say this as someone who has a child and loves being a full time mummy. I've been told by my son that I'm pretty much what he imagines mummies should be like so in pretty darn good at it.

Honestly I find parenting a bit like pet ownership. It's a choice (if you're lucky to be able to make it) and it's wonderfully fulfilling in its own way but there is nothing superior or profound about it.

Yes there is a lot of love, adventure and joy but I'm sure you can get that elsewhere too.

In fact I see plenty of people who live very fulfilling lives without children. I can't fathom thinking that they're missing out on something when in reality they are having an entirely different adventure to me.

 

[hedgehog93]

I’m not reading it, but I want to punch this person.

I am worried about my fertility, and going through an ectopic last year made me so irrationally angry at myself and my body. I’m sure I’m not alone in this regard. The fact that someone would even think to write about this is cruel at best.

 

[dk168]

Each to their own.

One person's medicine is another's poison.

My life, my choices.

If anyone had issues with this, it is his/her problem, not mine.

DK
Childless/free by choice, and my choice entirely with no regrets.

And I won't read the article.

 

[Austina]

I‘m not reading that drivel either. As a mother, I absolutely don’t think having a child is the be all and end all, if we hadn’t had a child, would I think my life had been a waste, of course not.

 

[dk168]

Years ago, I babysat a family friend's first born for 2 weeks when he was 2 weeks old, and thought if this is what having kids is all about then I don't want to know.

I did not offer to babysit his brother when he was born a couple of years later.

He will be later 37 this year, and I have no regret for making that decision all those years ago.

DK

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Daisy and Diamonds wrote, "Do people even say these kinds of things to blokes ?

Actually yes, my father said it to me when I told him I was gay.

At age 23 I told my father that I was gay.
He said something like, "I accept that you're gay but my heart bleeds for you because you'll never have children, and having children is the only reason for living", or some such crap.

Again, he didn't get that people vary.
Few do.

FWIW, my parents had 4 kids, but only one of them had one single child, well only one (an opps baby) that was not the result of incest.
I'm pretty sure it's because our childhoods were torture, and we didn't want to inflict anything near that on another child.

Some people should not have kids.
My father should not have.
It caused untold pain and suffering.

There aren't many adequate words and I've tried to word this answer several times, as it's not my place to feel proud of you and you certainly don't need my sympathy either.

You've come a long way and it's impressive how you have overcome this.

Enjoy the bling : you deserve it!!

 

[JPie]

Years ago, I babysat a family friend's first born for 2 weeks when he was 2 weeks old, and thought if this is what having kids is all about then I don't want to know.

I did not offer to babysit his brother when he was born a couple of years later.

He will be later 37 this year, and I have no regret for making that decision all those years ago.

DK

For me, it was pet sitting my sister’s two cats while she was on vacation. One had giardia and didn’t always make it to the litter box. I had to keep the other one isolated, but he developed an eye infection, so I had to take him to the vet and give him meds. After one eye cleared up, the other one got infected. I was in my early 20s and pretty stressed out from the experience.

At the end of it I realized that if it was this hard with just cats, then I don’t want the responsibility for another human being for 18+ years of its life. A recent week spent with my friends and their three-year-old kid reaffirmed my decision over a decade later.

Funnily enough, I still love cats.

 

[jaaron]

I particularly liked how the whole first part of the piece was her explaining how she doesn't judge other people, before going on to spend the rest of it judging other people. Like the people who start a sentence with, I'm not a racist, but... Of course, you know right away what's coming.

As someone who loves being a parent, I think the whole piece is an entitled, smug, navel gazing, steaming pile of crap. In fact, I think being a parent is, in some ways, a very self-centered experience--it fundamentally reduces all larger issues to really being abut a few specific people important to you.

During the Ebola outbreak, I worried for my kids if it were to spread more widely. My childless epidemiologist sister-in-law went to set up testing facilities in Guinea. Which of us was leading a more meaningful life? Am I worried about climate change? Extremely. But if I'm brutally honest, the reason I'm so worried is because of the effect it will have on my children's lives. But, while I've made as many personal changes as I can, I'm not out there campaigning and working to combat it (don't have time because of parenting ). So once again, parenthood has taken a societal problem and given it an inward focus for me. How does that make me, my life, or my experience in any way superior?

I wouldn't trade my kids or my experience for anything, but when I think about it, many of the people I know who have done truly amazing things in the world--or even just been the happiest--have been childless.

 

[missy]

As for that author

 

[missy]

Ridiculous. We are all different in what gives us purpose and satisfaction in life. Personally speaking not having kids was one of the best decisions I could have made for me. Period. No apologies and no regrets. Just secure in the knowledge I am so happy not to have had kids of my own. Nothing is missing from my life. Everyone is different. For some kids are their greatest purpose in life and I do not judge. Whatever makes you happy. You do you.

 

[MamaBee]

All I can say is that I have a couple, and if any child-frees feel the burning need to learn some deep lesson about essential truths I am willing to loan them out for a weekend.
Seriously.
*And it has to be for the whole weekend.

 

[missy]

Maybe that author is angry that those who are childfree are:

Expressing autonomy of choice.

Making the decision best for them. Something women aren't traditionally supposed to do. #bestinterest

Making a choice. That some people want taken away from yes. #prochoice

Not all parents make good parents and in fact all we have to do is see how many abused and unloved children there are to know that is sadly too true

Selfishness and generosity are not relegated to particular life choices and if generosity is a worthy life goal--and I believe it is--perhaps our task is to choose the path that for us creates its best opportunity.”

 

[Jambalaya]

I appologize on behalf of her idiocy and want to tell all of you women or men that have meaningfully chosen not to have kids that you are valued and loved. You are an integral part of our society and our childrens lives as well.

Awww, thanks GarnetGirl. Not many parents acknowledge the role that non-parents play in society.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I am not going to read the article. I usually find that when people set out to criticize other people it is usually a narcissistic type and that bores me. So I am going to spare myself. With that said, the news is full of stories of people who never should have had children and have been sent to prison for abusing them so there's that.

 

[Jambalaya]

All I can say is that I have a couple, and if any child-frees feel the burning need to learn some deep lesson about essential truths I am willing to loan them out for a weekend.
Seriously.
*And it has to be for the whole weekend.

 

[Jambalaya]

I know several people who have lost a child and they are the saddest people I have ever met. No thanks.

Right?? My friend got divorced last year and her husband is a chronic alcoholic. Last weekend he was diagnosed with terminal pancratic cancer at age 47, so she's about to witness the heartbreak of her kids, age 8 and 12. My childhood was less than ideal, and I just want peace in my adult life. When you have kids, there's so much you can't control.

 

[Jambalaya]

This is just another example of that rampant ugly human disease, Belikemeitis.

Belikemeitis, LOL! Yeah, what's that all about??? When I get near a case of that, I take a huge spoonful of a great new medicine I found named Fukitol.

 

[missy]

And just as showing we are all different (as if we need proof ) my sister's main goal in life was to have children. Nothing suited her more than raising beautiful kids who as beautiful on the inside as outside. And they are. From when she was a little girl she knew she wanted to be a mother. More than anything. And for her that is what drives her life with purpose and meaning. And of course she finds purpose in many things (saving animals and making their lives better as but one example) but for her having children was the ultimate. And it does not disappoint for her. Just goes to show there is no one way for everyone.

 

[Jambalaya]

I'm trying not to re-quote too much as it makes the thread messy. But:

Hugs to Kenny

Congratulations to Jordy on a lovely baby and on being a great dad!

Hugs and best wishes to Hedgehog on her journey xxx

MellowYellow - having kids is a bit like pet ownership, LOL!

Jaaron and everyone else who replied with such wisdom, humour and insight, thank you so much! These are responses I know I'll re-read.

Nala - in a nutshell, part of me knows I'm missing out on something with not having kids, and I really feel it at Christmas. Mostly, I'm happy being kidfree, but there are some lingering doubts that are easily brought to the surface.

Got to get ready for work, but I want to keep reading PS!

 

[kenny]

Ridiculous. We are all different in what gives us purpose and satisfaction in life. Personally speaking not having kids was one of the best decisions I could have made for me. Period. No apologies and no regrets. Just secure in the knowledge I am so happy not to have had kids of my own. Nothing is missing from my life. Everyone is different. For some kids are their greatest purpose in life and I do not judge. Whatever makes you happy. You do you.

Didn't Ayn Rand point out that altruism is (basically) bullsh!t?

FF to 4:45 in this interview by Mike Wallance:

 

[missy]

Didn't Ayn Rand point out that altruism is (basically) bullsh!t?

FF to 4:45 in this interview by Mike Wallance:

Yup she sure did. I agree. There is no such thing as pure altruism. There is always a selfish reason behind it. I volunteer with rescue animals and also do TNR of ferals and feed the ferals etc. However I do it because it makes me feel good to do what I can for them. So not truly altruistic. Still doing good but doing good for both me and the animals. As an example.

 

[partgypsy]

Omg. I have kids and I got angry reading that article. Please get off your freaking pedestal. Not all people but some people have kids because they have something missing from their lives, or haven't done enough in their own life. Please don't have kids to justify your existence.
There are so many ways to feel love, share love with others, sacrifice for others, and contribute to something outside yourself. Having a child is a super easy way to feel all that, so deeply. It is embedded in our genes, and yes it doesn't feel like anything else. But it may be more difficult and ultimately a greater sacrifice for those who can love and feel and give in a larger sense, rather than to just one's kids. This person misses this. She took the EASY route, because hey it is easy to love and sacrifice for your bio kids. It takes a bigger person to love everyone, to realize everyone and everything on this planet is dependent and affected by others actions.

Here is a person who is inspiring, sans kids.

‘Chef’s Table’ Recap: Jeong Kwan

A gorgeous look at the life of a nun in South Korea who cooks temple cuisine

www.eater.com

 

[partgypsy]

Missy, I think that is interesting about your sister. I have two girls. My oldest (who is beautiful, smart, compassionate, actually worked as a babysitter and was wonderful at it) has told me already starting around age 15 that she most likely will not have kids. For environmental reasons. It makes me a little sad because I think she would be a wonderful mother, but it is her choice, and I do agree that the number of people on this planet is preventing other creatures from living. I realize that my wish for her to have kids, is a selfish one for me.

My youngest is the opposite. From a pretty young age she has always been interested in babies. She is only 13 but has been telling me for the last couple years she knows what she wants to do, and that is to have at least 2 kids. She has been bugging me so she can take the course so she can babysit very young kids. She wants to learn how to clean. How to cook and make meals, and that is often followed by, "so when I have a house, or when I have a family I can take care of them." I was so NOT like this when I was that age it's rather eerie.