MT, I''m sending you one big long *hug*.
As the others have mentioned, this is SO not about the ring (which, if my husband had given it to me, it would be sitting in the bank, as is yours). And having been married for 32 years, I can tell you, only love (on both parts) will get you through this. There are some ways that I am materialistic (in that I want to own my own home, drive a car that does not have engine lights on and bald tires, I like to keep the plumbing functioning, and I love both shoes and jewelry. My husband does not have a materialistic bone in his body. He doesn''t care about a home or a car, and lets things explode before he does anything about them. After 25 years he finally understood how much I wanted a diamond, now that our kids were grown. As I said we''ve been married 32 years now, and though I have a lovely anniversary band... still no diamond. We talk about it a lot. We''ve been to Europe and travelled across the country (these are things we BOTH could enjoy). So the ring... I''ve mostly given up wanting... and that''s OK, because he doesn''t mind if I don''t have a ''real'' job, and he pays for my art studio without complaint and is incredibly supportive.
Long winded - I think generosity of spirit on BOTH sides will get you through this. Tell him it''s very hurtful when he brings up the big expensive wedding - not fair and sounds kind of whiney - you did not choose this. Tell him how much you love him. How important he is to you. How you want to make him happy, and you KNOW he wants to make you happy. Get to a good place with him. Then, then bring up the ring. For an anniversary, or other important event. Maybe start with a smaller-than-2-ct to start, at a place with an upgrade policy. Emphasize that this is your dream ring. And you know your relationship is the most important thing, but you would be SO HAPPY wearing it. And then continue kindness, generosity, and humor. He must have a lot of good points or you never would have wanted to marry him, right? Good luck, sweetie. Let us know how it goes....
As the others have mentioned, this is SO not about the ring (which, if my husband had given it to me, it would be sitting in the bank, as is yours). And having been married for 32 years, I can tell you, only love (on both parts) will get you through this. There are some ways that I am materialistic (in that I want to own my own home, drive a car that does not have engine lights on and bald tires, I like to keep the plumbing functioning, and I love both shoes and jewelry. My husband does not have a materialistic bone in his body. He doesn''t care about a home or a car, and lets things explode before he does anything about them. After 25 years he finally understood how much I wanted a diamond, now that our kids were grown. As I said we''ve been married 32 years now, and though I have a lovely anniversary band... still no diamond. We talk about it a lot. We''ve been to Europe and travelled across the country (these are things we BOTH could enjoy). So the ring... I''ve mostly given up wanting... and that''s OK, because he doesn''t mind if I don''t have a ''real'' job, and he pays for my art studio without complaint and is incredibly supportive.
Long winded - I think generosity of spirit on BOTH sides will get you through this. Tell him it''s very hurtful when he brings up the big expensive wedding - not fair and sounds kind of whiney - you did not choose this. Tell him how much you love him. How important he is to you. How you want to make him happy, and you KNOW he wants to make you happy. Get to a good place with him. Then, then bring up the ring. For an anniversary, or other important event. Maybe start with a smaller-than-2-ct to start, at a place with an upgrade policy. Emphasize that this is your dream ring. And you know your relationship is the most important thing, but you would be SO HAPPY wearing it. And then continue kindness, generosity, and humor. He must have a lot of good points or you never would have wanted to marry him, right? Good luck, sweetie. Let us know how it goes....