mufiin_top
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2009
- Messages
- 133
My husband is from India but met me after living in the USA for about 4 years. I''m American. We got engaged and it was eventually agreed that we would exchange rings during the wedding ceremony. ALmost every aspect of our wedding was adapted as per his own family traditions and customs; instead of a white dress, I wore a heavy red dress and lots of uncomfortable jewelry, for example. But the only custom I wanted followed more along my own customs as opposed to his country''s was the ring, which I conveyed on enough occasions as to leave no doubt. I spent countless days planning a traditional hindu wedding ceremony and catering as per exactly what would make his own family happy.
Many discussions took place about our expectations for the rings, and as per his request, I supplied him with detailed written explanations about what kind of ring I''d be happy with, along with several pictures of rings. Here were my requirements:
1. Two tone preferred
2. No diamonds
3. A low setting that will not snag.
4. If there are stones, at least a two carat center stone either as a solitaire or with two accent stones.
I even offered to put him in touch with some local jewelers who could produce what I''d like. But as is often the case with him, he thought he knew better.
We had MANY discussions about the ring. I too spent many hours looking at rings for him, and asked him repeatedly as much as I could about his preferences.
Anyway, Here is a pretty good example the ring he gave me during our wedding:
http://product-image.tradeindia.com/00283557/b/0/Diamond-Ring.jpg
In case you didn''t already notice, this ring is quite literally about as far opposite my requests as you can possibly get. And I will also say that the actual ring didn''t even have a white gold setting; it was all yellow gold.
Not only that, but I later found out his MOTHER chose the ring with no input from him at all. He claims he did go to a few jewelers and showed them thr pictures of what I liked but that none could make it (in fact, he chose one of several pictures of a ring HE liked for me that was custom engraved with a cad design).
I did find this upsetting enough that I couldn''t hold myself on our wedding night from asking why this ring was chosen after all our discussions and him knowing its importance to me. I was upset that he was so blatantly careless . This was a 50,000 wedding (which I admit he paid for most of).
It has been two years. My ring now sits in a bank. It makes me angry when I look at it. For me it represents his inability to listen and be considerate, and most of all that he expects me to meet him on his own side in most ways, rather than him trying to meet me half way in our cultural divide. Finally, I question if he got this ring because he was angry that he had to pay for the wedding, because he mentions the fact that I owe him for the wedding sometimes.
I don''t discuss this with anyone except my husband, and I think I will feel better by posting about it here, where a few people might understand and learn something from it.
ANyway, thanks for reading. COmments are welcome, but please do appreciate that this is a VERY emotional and touchy subject for me. Thanks
Many discussions took place about our expectations for the rings, and as per his request, I supplied him with detailed written explanations about what kind of ring I''d be happy with, along with several pictures of rings. Here were my requirements:
1. Two tone preferred
2. No diamonds
3. A low setting that will not snag.
4. If there are stones, at least a two carat center stone either as a solitaire or with two accent stones.
I even offered to put him in touch with some local jewelers who could produce what I''d like. But as is often the case with him, he thought he knew better.
We had MANY discussions about the ring. I too spent many hours looking at rings for him, and asked him repeatedly as much as I could about his preferences.
Anyway, Here is a pretty good example the ring he gave me during our wedding:
http://product-image.tradeindia.com/00283557/b/0/Diamond-Ring.jpg
In case you didn''t already notice, this ring is quite literally about as far opposite my requests as you can possibly get. And I will also say that the actual ring didn''t even have a white gold setting; it was all yellow gold.
Not only that, but I later found out his MOTHER chose the ring with no input from him at all. He claims he did go to a few jewelers and showed them thr pictures of what I liked but that none could make it (in fact, he chose one of several pictures of a ring HE liked for me that was custom engraved with a cad design).
I did find this upsetting enough that I couldn''t hold myself on our wedding night from asking why this ring was chosen after all our discussions and him knowing its importance to me. I was upset that he was so blatantly careless . This was a 50,000 wedding (which I admit he paid for most of).
It has been two years. My ring now sits in a bank. It makes me angry when I look at it. For me it represents his inability to listen and be considerate, and most of all that he expects me to meet him on his own side in most ways, rather than him trying to meet me half way in our cultural divide. Finally, I question if he got this ring because he was angry that he had to pay for the wedding, because he mentions the fact that I owe him for the wedding sometimes.
I don''t discuss this with anyone except my husband, and I think I will feel better by posting about it here, where a few people might understand and learn something from it.
ANyway, thanks for reading. COmments are welcome, but please do appreciate that this is a VERY emotional and touchy subject for me. Thanks