How much did you spend / would you spend on an e-ring?

[auktalent3]

Hi everyone,

I have been a silent reader but decided to get more involved with my first post today! I have to admit that reading this forum and the various resources provided on the website has been a tremendous help in my journey to source an engagement ring, so thank you all for that.

As I embarked on my engagement ring hunting journey, one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd. This feeling only gets amplified when I stop to think about the actual origin of the diamond engagement ring and the brilliant marketing efforts that went into essentially creating demand for this product where there was limited demand before (to put it lightly).

So finally, the purpose of this post, how much did you spend? Instead of absolute $ figures, if possible, can you please state as a % of your total annual compensation? If you didn't buy it but it was purchased for you, please state that % for your partner who bought it. I don't think looking at this in absolute $ is a relevant comparison as everyone obviously has a different purchasing power.

Thanks guys!

 

[dk168]

About one month's salary of my other halves (married once and a long term partner after the divorce), and I believe that was about right.

For my right hand ring that I bought for my 40th birthday, it was about 20% of my salary, and I saved 5 years for that.

DK

 

[heididdl]

Really this is a very difficult question as it is a gift to the woman to which you will spend the rest of your life. Both of you have to agree on what is important. Some girls wait their entire life for that perfect 1 carat diamond and others are just happy to have a token of their love from their SO, still others feel that they want to fit into the community and have a ring similar to their peer group and others are more financially cautious and choose a simple solitaire. You have to determine where you and your GF fit in.

We can each tell you what we spent on our Ering but it really has to be determined on what you want to spend and maybe any hints that your GF might have. Have the two of you ever discussed her expectations or even if she cares.

When we were dating 28 years ago we were just starting out and my husband gave me a stone from his family and we spent $700 setting it. Five years later we bought a ring together that was more my style and my taste.

So again % of salary is not as important as the importance of a symbol that you give to show that you belong together whether it be a $1,500 .40 carat ring or a $45,000 4 carat honker it is your call and your call only.

 

[vsp08]

My boyfriend and I split the cost of my ring. If I combine both our salaries, the cost of my ring was about 15%. I feel good about the amount we spent, and we saved for a year to make it happen.

 

[auktalent3]

We have discussed expectations so I think we're both 100% on the same page. Guess I am more just curious as to how much people generally spend. For me, it's hard to put a value on an ering because it's not something I honestly understand (maybe I am a typical guy, but jewelry has generally never interested me at all). That's precisely why I'm finding it difficult to figure out what amount is right, but I take your point that it's really an individual decision.

I also work in finance, so I am relatively well versed in money management/investing. This probably is the reason this decision is awkward for me, because it goes against most of my basic knowledge about spending money wisely (as this expense is a very unwise one from a strictly rational perspective). I feel similarly about many things that cost a lot of money but provide limited value (i.e. expensive cars, expensive watches, expensive clothes etc.). I approach all of those things practically: if you need a watch, why buy a Rolex? I can tell time with a $100 watch just as good as with the Rolex. If you need a suit, why spend $2,000 on a Prada when you can get a decent suit for $300-$500 and chances are no one will really be able to tell. To be quite honest with you guys, a lot of people make horrible financial decisions which are often fostered through a culture of excess consumerism - this goes well beyond diamonds, but they are a very good example. In the end though, smart business people know all of this and make a killing selling this stuff (trust me) to the people who actually shouldn't be buying in the first place! It's funny how that works, but it happens all the time. Anyways, just food for thought!

 

[bgray]

Hi everyone,

I have been a silent reader but decided to get more involved with my first post today! I have to admit that reading this forum and the various resources provided on the website has been a tremendous help in my journey to source an engagement ring, so thank you all for that.

As I embarked on my engagement ring hunting journey, one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd. This feeling only gets amplified when I stop to think about the actual origin of the diamond engagement ring and the brilliant marketing efforts that went into essentially creating demand for this product where there was limited demand before (to put it lightly).

So finally, the purpose of this post, how much did you spend? Instead of absolute $ figures, if possible, can you please state as a % of your total annual compensation? If you didn't buy it but it was purchased for you, please state that % for your partner who bought it. I don't think looking at this in absolute $ is a relevant comparison as everyone obviously has a different purchasing power.

Thanks guys!

I must be candid and say that your post comes across as rather judgmental. "one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive." this is your opinion. people have been buying and fighting over pearls, precious gems and important jewelry long before DeBeers started the 3 months salary campaign. my husband is in finance and agrees , academically, that nothing is worth what it costs. yes, you never need a rolex when you can buy a timex, or a chevy verses an audi and so forth. the wealthy have been adorning themselves for 100's of years and the not-wealthy want the same. michelle obama started out in j crew and now wears couture. its what you can afford and what you feel comfortable with. i hope your attitude doesnt taint your engagement.

 

[heididdl]

Love is an emotion hence rational thought is not involved. I truly hope your GF is on the same page as when the closet is filling up with shoes over the years black , brown, spectator pumps, boots, you get the idea. I hope this doesn't become a problem.

If she is truly on the same page then an ideal cut one carat solitaire would fit the bill. A lot of us here in PS are obsessed with the beauty and the sparkle of diamonds and you can't put a price on that.

Everytime I look at my ring I gasp literally at its beauty aas well as the fact that I wear it as a symbol of my 27 year marriage and committment to one man.

Food for thought on the emotional side lol.

 

[AprilBaby]

When you buy a car why a nice car when you can get a second hand junker? After all, a diamond lasts longer than your car.

 

[auktalent3]

I think as long as the ring makes you happy, that's all that matters so I couldn't agree more with you. I'm not sure I would relate my level of love to an engagement ring, maybe it's my more practical side speaking again but I would prioritize a lot of other things before it. I also appreciate the symbolic nature of a ring, just am having a hard time putting a price on that symbolism

Second hand cars are a great deal! You won't get hit with 30% depreciation off the bat and you'll for the most part still get a great ride! If for whatever reason you need that Audi, go for it but a Honda will get you there just as fast and just as comfortably

 

[marymm]

[deleted]

 

[heididdl]

This is really not about the ring anymore. Marriage is a lot of work give and take ups and down etc. Life is not black or white or practical. I will say sometihing she is a lucky girl as I am sure that the financial side of you will plan and prepare for the future. Retirement, cemetery plots, bonds for kids college education. A good job with benes for insurance etc. But when that is all set life is also about fun being frivious , creative fun ......

Life can't all be practical and getting engaged is such an amazing time to have selected your partner for life. So celebrate relax about the money and just buy her a symbol of wanting to be together size doesn't matter. But if you do buy a diamond just remember cut is king when wanting to enjoy the brillance of what has become a symbol of engagement the diamond . The hardest carbon created by millions of years in the earth

Nighttt and good look For curiosity sake please share your process and your proposal as we all thrive on the excitement of how people enjoy this part of their life

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Since you are both "agreed/ on the same page in regard to expectation"; then get her little or nothing at all. Let us know how that goes over.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Gypsy]

I don't think it is relevant what any of us spent. Either as a hard number or as a percentage income.

You need to speak with your significant other and see what her expectations are. Hers are the ones that matter.

"Excessive" as some of these rings seem to you, everyone has different priorities. And NO ONE's priorities matter in this decision as much as your partner's do.

Marriage is about facing difficult issues and finding a way through them together. This is your chance to start practicing that.

I suggest you speak to your partner frankly and find out what as sensible budget is for the two of you, and go from there.

 

[Circe]

Hi everyone,

.... one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd ....

Thanks guys!

Dude, you're asking a bunch of obsessive hobbyists why their weird thing is important. Do finance guys have forums? Given Rule 34, I'm guessing yes ... So just imagine someone going onto one of those to question the central premise of your passion. WHY is having a lot of money so important? (See also this week's NYT op-Ed piece on wealth addiction.). Sure, there are some practical reasons, but past a certain point ... nope, it's about cultural standards and the metrics of success.

I have no close friends of Canadian extraction, so I have no idea what your general standard for symbolic relationship jewelry might be. My spouse, on the other hand, is a Swede: his people get engaged with simple gold bands and maybe bling it up with a diamond band on the day of the wedding or a significant anniversary. Nevertheless, I have what could be termed an excess of diamonds, quite simply because I think of them as portable miniature art, they make me happy, and he likes making me happy. (This is the same reason why we have Swedish flags in every room and a plethora of elk-themed paraphernalia: marriage is all about compromise, y'all.)

So the first big piece he got me, the engagement ring? I believe it was the equivalent of one month's net salary. He thought it was a weird cultural quirk, too. But given how many happy hours that thing has given me ... I'd say it amortized pretty fast. It made me feel cherished, not in spite but I think because of his beliefs. It might not have made sense to him, but he did it knowing it would please me. Symbolically, that's not a bad way to start a union, I think.

All that said, jewelry is a luxury purchase that comes way after we max out our retirement savings, kid's college fund, emergency cushion, etc., and I tend to buy estate piece that I am pretty sure I won't lose money on, should I need to resell them. A *modicum* of practicality won't hurt, I suppose.

 

[Gypsy]

So the first big piece he got me, the engagement ring? I believe it was the equivalent of one month's net salary. He thought it was a weird cultural quirk, too. But given how many happy hours that thing has given me ... I'd say it amortized pretty fast. It made me feel cherished, not in spite but I think because of his beliefs. It might not have made sense to him, but he did it knowing it would please me. Symbolically, that's not a bad way to start a union, I think.

Absolutely. This is the heart of it.

 

[CharmyPoo]

Does your future fiance share your views? If she does then you are set and you can stop debating over spending something you aren't comfortable spending. If she doesn't, you have to evaluate what the right balance is. It really doesn't matter what we have done or what we feel is right / appropriate.

I work probably in financial services and have lots of "finance" friends. Many of my Investment Broker friends wear a Rolex and enjoys a nice German car. So I don't really think your views translate to having rational thinking through your financial background. It is just how you are - spending money on brand name / material goods just doesn't make sense to you.

 

[AN0NYM0US]

Hi everyone,

.... one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd ....

Thanks guys!

Dude, you're asking a bunch of obsessive hobbyists why their weird thing is important. Do finance guys have forums? Given Rule 34, I'm guessing yes ... So just imagine someone going onto one of those to question the central premise of your passion. WHY is having a lot of money so important? (See also this week's NYT op-Ed piece on wealth addiction.). Sure, there are some practical reasons, but past a certain point ... nope, it's about cultural standards and the metrics of success.

I have no close friends of Canadian extraction, so I have no idea what your general standard for symbolic relationship jewelry might be. My spouse, on the other hand, is a Swede: his people get engaged with simple gold bands and maybe bling it up with a diamond band on the day of the wedding or a significant anniversary. Nevertheless, I have what could be termed an excess of diamonds, quite simply because I think of them as portable miniature art, they make me happy, and he likes making me happy. (This is the same reason why we have Swedish flags in every room and a plethora of elk-themed paraphernalia: marriage is all about compromise, y'all.)

So the first big piece he got me, the engagement ring? I believe it was the equivalent of one month's net salary. He thought it was a weird cultural quirk, too. But given how many happy hours that thing has given me ... I'd say it amortized pretty fast. It made me feel cherished, not in spite but I think because of his beliefs. It might not have made sense to him, but he did it knowing it would please me. Symbolically, that's not a bad way to start a union, I think.

All that said, jewelry is a luxury purchase that comes way after we max out our retirement savings, kid's college fund, emergency cushion, etc., and I tend to buy estate piece that I am pretty sure I won't lose money on, should I need to resell them. A *modicum* of practicality won't hurt, I suppose.

Very well said.

But I'm not sure what **** has to do with it

 

[justginger]

For my actual engagement ring, my husband and I split the cost. I wanted a ring more expensive than he wanted to buy, so instead of bicker or get bitter, we decided to split the bill. It cost each of us about 10% of our yearly net income.

The next ring was more expensive, and I paid for it entirely on my own. It was a present for me, from me. It cost 40-50% of my yearly net income, but the more accurate way of looking at it was that it cost 2 years' of my overtime income. My overtime is, to a large degree, voluntary. I chose to do that work (and there was a lot of it!) because it saves other people from being forced into doing it and it helps the health of the community -- and in reward, I bought myself an awesome ring. I haven't regretted making such a large purchase for even a millisecond. It brings me much happiness. Even my husband says it's the best money I've ever spent, in terms of happiness ROI.

I understand jewelry appearing to be a frivolous, irrational purchase. But life is full of those purchases. It's silly to ever go out to eat. It's silly to own a second car -- or if you live in a major city, even one car. It's silly to go to the movies. It's silly to buy anything but secondhand clothes. It's silly to go on vacation. It's silly to buy a new car. It's silly to own pets, or even have children. It's silly to have the thermostat set at the same temperature, year round. It's silly to buy electronics. It's silly to have a professional cut your hair. It's silly to have more than one pair of shoes... And so on, and so forth. The list is limitless. Everyone spends money on things that are not necessary. It's your own personal values that guide those purchases. I have yet to buy a single cup of coffee -- in my entire life. I'll pretend like I buy one from Starbucks every day, and allocate that money to jewelry instead.

 

[LaraOnline]

You don't have to buy her something.
But do it anyway.
And spend three times as much as you think you 'should'.

 

[slksapphire]

here is something for you to think about. when we got married, about 12 years ago, the value of my engagement ring was about 13% of annual salary. now, it is less than 0.1% of annual salary.

my husband bought me a ring that i love, that is consistent with the way we both think about giving one another gifts. that is frankly all that matters. and no, i have never considered upgrading (though i certainly don't think there is anything wrong with it -- my mother did).

 

[JulieN]

Talking about money is not polite.

 

[MarionC]

Talking about money is not polite.

Money talk is so taboo that there are workshops, groups & seminars for people who have it in spades. It is a very loaded subject. Probably one reason why people come here to show off their big stones. Can't do that politely in the real world, and thank goodness there are safe places where you can!

Anyway, my two cents in this discussion is that we could have afforded much more than we spent and yet I still ended up with beautiful diamonds that give me joy. Of course, we don't live in a "hot spot". We used to live in South Florida where flaunting money was the local pastime. Not much peer pressure here in rural NC.

I'm with Warren Buffet on this, folks. I like having $$ in the bank earning $$.

 

[recordaras]

I have to start out by saying that I'm not a fan of judgment in this matter and I think that both "Diamonds are just a product of DeBeers marketing that only suckers fall for" and "If he truly loves you he'll spend X amount on your ring" somewhat unhealthy extremes. In reality it all comes down to each individual couple and there aren't and can't be any fixed rules.

Our situation is probably different from most PSers, since we spent very little on my engagement ring. Our initial budget was roughly two weeks' of my fiance's net pay, but then I found a stone that I fell in love with and the ring came to a little over one week's net pay. We agreed that we'd eventually reset it into a three stone setting, and when we are ready I will transfer the three stone to my right hand and get a larger solitaire (if that remains a priority of course).

We were 28 and 26 when we got engaged, and while we are both working professionals and solidly (upperish) middle class, we are by no means rich and at this point splurging in one category would mean having to take away from one of the others. So a $10K ring would mean $10K less into the "move into a pricey Boston suburb with good schools when we are ready to have children" fund. For us personally that is a priority right now, and for that very same reason we are having a small Sunday wedding for just 25 of our closest friends and family instead of a huge $30K affair for hundreds of guests.

Do I sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy when I see my peers with beautiful blingy rings? You bet - I'm only human after all, and since we're in the Boston area most of the stones are much larger than mine. However, if we had to do it all over again, I'd go the exact same way about it. I'm sure I will have my large stone at some point, but not until all of our other bases are covered.
Luckily, we are both on the same page about this. For many this might be too practical of an approach, but in our case it works out very well.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

My first ER was about %15 of my Husband's annual income, but we were teenagers so it wasn't a ton of money. I broke that ring and paid to upgrade it myself so I would add another %15 of my salary to the upgrade. So the ring I still have now would have been %15 of our combined income. That same ring would be much less of a percent of our income now so it's all relative. For me it was worth it because it's been over 7 years and I'm still happy with my ring. I have added more to my jewelry since then but no actual upgrades to my ER.

 

[Circe]

Very well said.

But I'm not sure what **** has to do with it

Call it Rule 34, Clause ii - if something exists on the internet, there WILL be a forum for it. Not such a dissimilar impulse, after all ... What is it they call it in SMTR, after all? Ring ****?

 

[Niel]

Hi everyone,


As I embarked on my engagement ring hunting journey, one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd. This feeling only gets amplified when I stop to think about the actual origin of the diamond engagement ring and the brilliant marketing efforts that went into essentially creating demand for this product where there was limited demand before (to put it lightly).

if this is how you feel why buy one? If you think they are a marketing ploy then why not forgo one? Or but a colored stone ring, if those make your heart sing more than silly ol' diamonds

Or buy a small antique one, those can be found for under 1000 dollars and very lovely.

I say this in an empowering way, not a negative one. .. what we pay doesnt matter to you. What the world thinks an engagement ring should look like doesnt matter. Frankly what the world thinks an engagement should look like doesnt matter either. If the traditional path doesnt sound like a road you want to take dont take it. Its your money, whatever % you decide to pay.

 

[tyty333]

Have you considered going the second hand route? You can get a much better deal on a stone, put it in a new setting and
you are good to go. It may take longer to find what you are looking for but it may be easier for you to swallow.

 

[dk168]

Diamonds are forever, and they (usually) last longer than marriages and relationships.

DK

 

[Laila619]

Spend whatever you feel comfortable spending. I know the ring was much more important to me when I was 26 and getting engaged. Now that I've been married for 5 years and have two kids, my priorities have changed and I would spend much less on a ring today.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Hi everyone,

.... one thing that struck me as odd is the sheer number of individuals with diamond rings that seem excessive. I am Canadian (with a European background) and the idea of an engagement ring costing me tens of thousands of dollars actually seems absurd ....

Thanks guys!

All that said, jewelry is a luxury purchase that comes way after we max out our retirement savings, kid's college fund, emergency cushion, etc.,

Nahhh... nothing is more important than diamonds..