How honest is this forum?

[MP]

I've been looking at almost every diamond ring picture new topic post for the last several months and one thing that has been a common theme is nothing but praise. Generally when someone posts up a bunch of pictures about their ring they are asking for opinions as to how it looks. Now obviously one doesn't want to be negative to someone who is excited about thier ring, but I wonder how honest people are being. Every ring posted up here can't be, "Oh my God it's gorgeous!".

My point of view is that you can give constructive criticism without being overly negative to someone and maintain your honest opinion. So I ask it again, how honest is this forum?

Simply from a helping others out in their ring purchase you can point out how doing this differently or that differently for this particular ring would have achieved a great look. Obviously, I'm not asking for people to come on here and rip someone a new one, but I would like to see more of critical assesment of each ring.

 

[Maisie]

Well I can only speak for myself. I am honest. If I see a ring that I find beautiful, I say so. If I see a ring which isn''t really to my taste I might either keep going and not leave a comment, or say ''congratulations on your engagement''. I mostly do love everything I see though.

Most people who buy their ring from a PS vendor are educated in the run up to their purchse. So it makes sense that the ring is beautiful!

I would never tell someone that their new piece is ugly. How cruel would that be? I doubt there is anyone on PS with a mean streak like that.

 

[Ellen]

When they post in HERE, usually the ring is bought, the proposal over, and it''s time to admire, not be critical.

Post it in Rocky Talk, and that''s where you''ll get more of a critque, as that''s usually where people ask, what do you think? Once in awhile they''ll ask for honest opinions in here, and then they''ll get them.

 

[dani13]

I am honest too. I only respond, "Its gorgeous"or whatever if I truly love it. If not, I will always just say congrats and move on.

 

[MP]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not trying to be overly critical of this forum in any respect. I think it's great that people can show off their rings here. I'm just thinking of those people who do have a return policy and ask for honest opinions. Likewise, a lot of people do get ideas for their rings from what people post up and based on others reactions so I just thought I'd get you guys thinking about this in those terms.

In any case, it's a good reference for others in interpreting some of the responses that are given out for each topic on this part of the forum. I totally agree that one should not simply post up to tell someone that their ring is awful by any means.

 

[allycat0303]

Ditto what Ellen said. If I love a ring, it needs to be mentioned. If it''s engagement with a ring that is not my taste, congrats are in order. If the poster is asking for help, advice or opinons then honest and POLITE. That''s key, we want to help not attack, and aways to keep in mind that everyone has different tastes.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 2/26/2008 9:55:12 AM
Author: Ellen
When they post in HERE, usually the ring is bought, the proposal over, and it's time to admire, not be critical.

Post it in Rocky Talk, and that's where you'll get more of a critque, as that's usually where people ask, what do you think? Once in awhile they'll ask for honest opinions in here, and then they'll get them.

Ditto Maisie and Ellen. Also what I find beautiful other people may not and vice versa. If I see what I think is a hideous ring posted ( rare thankfully) then I won't say anything, but I would rather find something positive to say if pressed and I am sure I could find something, such as how white the diamond looks, how sparkly etc, if the setting is dire and if the ring is a done deal. If it isn't and the person is asking for an opinion prior to purchase, then I am more likely to say I don't like it. But I would rather say nothing at all than hurt someone's feelings if they are excitedly showing off their new ring.

 

[777_LDY]

Date: 2/26/2008 9:55:12 AM
Author: Ellen
When they post in HERE, usually the ring is bought, the proposal over, and it''s time to admire, not be critical.

Post it in Rocky Talk, and that''s where you''ll get more of a critque, as that''s usually where people ask, what do you think? Once in awhile they''ll ask for honest opinions in here, and then they''ll get them.

Ditto. Ellen you always make a great point!

I can appreciate most of the pieces that are posted even if they aren''t my particular taste because it is for someone else and what matters is that they love it. There are so many different pieces that I see too that I think, "wow, I would never have thought about that design." But I love how unique some of the pieces are, even if I would never choose them for me.

 

[777_LDY]

Lorelei, when do we get to gush over YOUR new sparkly??!! I know I''m going to love THAT!!

 

[MP]

You guys all make very valid points. I've seen a lot of rings that are very well done, but simply not my taste. I can completley see how they are beautiful though due to the quality of the diamond(s) and the workmanship of the setting. My topic comes from more of a discussion standpoint.

I can't wait to put my own MP ERD custom ring up here when I get it. Sometime next week.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/26/2008 9:55:12 AM
Author: Ellen
When they post in HERE, usually the ring is bought, the proposal over, and it's time to admire, not be critical.


Post it in Rocky Talk, and that's where you'll get more of a critque, as that's usually where people ask, what do you think? Once in awhile they'll ask for honest opinions in here, and then they'll get them.

Totally agree with Ellen. In SMTR, generally people have bought it already and are thrilled with it and I'm not going to rain on their parade and say I think it's awful.
On the other hand, if they say, honest opinions about this ring as I'm not sure if I want to return it or not, then they'll get what they asked for, an honest opinion. As Ellen said, on Rocky Talk, there is a lot more critiquing done.

 

[777_LDY]

Date: 2/26/2008 10:17:11 AM
Author: MP

I can''t wait to put my own MP ERD custom ring up here when I get it. Sometime next week.

Oooo! That already sounds wonderful!

 

[Ninama]

Criticizing a finished e-ring just isn''t constructive. How would a freshly engaged woman benefit from knowing that I would prefer white metal, smaller side stones or no halo for her ring? She should change or replace it because of what I like? I think that to plant a seed of doubt or discontent into such a symbolic thing would be selfish and mean.

By the time someone posts images of there jewelry here, they''r almost always very happy and excited about it. Like Maisie, I don''t gush over rings that I really don''t find gush-over-able, but even a ring that''s not what I would choose can be ''elegant'', ''feminine'' or ''wow''.

If someone is in the process of building a ring (or any piece of jewelry) and asks for opinions or suggestions, that''s completely different...

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 2/26/2008 10:15:09 AM
Author: 777_LDY
Lorelei, when do we get to gush over YOUR new sparkly??!! I know I''m going to love THAT!!

SOON hopefully!! I will let you know when it arrives and Hubby has promised to help me with pics for my inaugural thread!

We have some fun ideas for interesting pics....

 

[gwendolyn]

I find plenty of rings to be absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous without being something I'd wear myself. They look AMAZING on their owners, but they aren't my style. Doesn't make me say, "Wow, don't you think that ring is way too honkin' fugly? And that setting, what the bleep were you thinking, it's hideous!" It's not MY ring, it's theirs. Different strokes, y'know?

Hang out in RockyTalky for 15 minutes and you'll see PLENTY of constructive criticism, mostly centered around what the person shopping is looking for and how to get the best quality for the money, NOT how to get what *I* think is the perfect stone or the ideal setting. That'd only be helpful if the posters were all planning on buying *me* rings, which, alas, they are not.

 

[diamondfan]

I feel, as I am not an expert at all with numbers, I do not comment if someone asks, how are these specs? I simply cannot give a fair response.

And when someone has bought their ring, and cannot return it, I just do not see the point in being negative. On those threads, I just do not weigh in or I find something to say like congratulations or what a sweet story, because that is sincere on my part. Everyone cannot love everything. My taste could be radically different than someone else''s, but at the end of the day, it is their ring, if they are happy, great. Does it matter that I would not like that particular setting? No. Is it productive to be churlish about it? No. Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors for a reason. Some people might think my taste is ghastly, but if I am loving something, that is the most important thing to me.

 

[777_LDY]

Yay!

I can''t wait to see fun and interesting pics, now I''m really curious!

What a sweet hubby for offering to help! My hubby looked at me like I had several heads when I was standing on a chair the other day taking pics of my loose stones. He didn''t even bother to ask!

 

[tberube]

Jewelry is made to be beautiful...even if it's not of-the-moment in fashion, it's always beautiful to some people.

But to speak for myself, I am pretty darn honest. Remember that saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Well...if I don't like a piece of jewelry that's shown on this site, I won't comment at all...or just post to congratulate them for getting it or for their engagement.

I also want to comment on your thoughts about giving critical assessments to jewelry. Certainly you'll see a lot of that in the Rocky Talky forum, where people are still in the decision-making process. but once the jewelry is chosen, and the owner is there to show it off, then there would be nothing positive about giving criticism.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/26/2008 9:55:12 AM
Author: Ellen
When they post in HERE, usually the ring is bought, the proposal over, and it''s time to admire, not be critical.


Post it in Rocky Talk, and that''s where you''ll get more of a critque, as that''s usually where people ask, what do you think? Once in awhile they''ll ask for honest opinions in here, and then they''ll get them.

Agreed! But if it is posted in SMTR and I don''t care for it, I usually won''t respond. Unless I can say something nice about it!

 

[MP]

I think the general consensus is that when you post on the SMTR forum that it''s too little too late to ask for an opinion. Once it''s bought and paid for people are hesitant to make any negative comments. I for one wouldn''t want to be the one that takes the wind out of somebody''s sail. I think a good lesson learned here is that if you want an opinion on a ring then you should post some pics before you have purchased it to get that critical assesment of it. Otherwise, you won''t get the critical eye that you want.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 2/26/2008 10:54:04 AM
Author: MP
I think the general consensus is that when you post on the SMTR forum that it''s too little too late to ask for an opinion. Once it''s bought and paid for people are hesitant to make any negative comments. I for one wouldn''t want to be the one that takes the wind out of somebody''s sail. I think a good lesson learned here is that if you want an opinion on a ring then you should post some pics before you have purchased it to get that critical assesment of it. Otherwise, you won''t get the critical eye that you want.

Absolutely.

 

[Lane]

Hee hee Everyone is reminding me of my Grandma, who always used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!!" So true, so true

Sure, they're not all drop dead gorgeous, but that's not the point. They're gorgeous to the owner, and that makes us happy!

I haven't been on here for too long, but I have noticed that one common theme in the advice that PS'ers give to soon-to-be fiances shopping for rings is, "Get her what SHE wants" (not "get her what _I_ want"). If you wander into a jewellery store, you'll notice that everything is pretty and beautiful to some degree, but that when it comes to details, everyone ranges tremendously on the details/setting/etc. It's a very subjective purchase. So, when someone happily posts a ring and we gush over it, it's often because we're so happy that she loves it and she got what she felt (subjectively) was the most beautiful. And, we're happy to be part of the story, and to have helped.

Criticism in SMTR would be gratuitous, and would certainly only be appropriate if specifically requested, (e.g. how should I reset this stone,etc.). I do agree though, that we are very honest and helpful in the RT forum -- I've found the honest comments useful myself!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

MP, I find this very interesting. Did you start this thread to make sure everyone is *honest* when it comes on commenting YOUR new ring? Becareful what you ask for. I KNOW my engagement ring is not everyone''s style but I would be hurt if someone flat out called it ugly or criticized it. Then again I would NEVER ask "how did I do?" I simply posted photos b/c that''s what we DO here. PS members like to see diamonds of every shape, size, style, b/c we LOVE jewelry.

Would I wear many of the jewelry posted. No. It''s not all my taste. But like everyone said people deserve to be congratulated. Buying an engagement ring is an emotional, huge step in anyone''s life. What is the point saying "well it''s not MY style"

Besides I think most of us can look past the obvious style choices and see the beautiful pieces, the diamond, the metalwork, the details. And for the record there are hundreds of rings I do find very drool worthy on here. I think it is rude for you to question people''s intentions.

 

[MP]

Tacori, I started this thread because all I seem to see is how beautiful this ring is, or how gorgeous this one is in response to someone's ring, to me it seems a bit insincere at times so I wanted to spark some debate on the issue and get peoples opinions on it. I think a lot of first time pricescopers have had similar thoughts on the subject. In my opinion, this is a good way to gain some perspective on why you see the responses to what people post up on SMTR.

Maybe this should by a sticky topic in this forum as a reference point for people.

I for one have found peoples explanation of how the respond to others rings enlightening.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 2/26/2008 11:11:22 AM
Author: MP
Tacori, I honestly started this thread because all I seem to see is how beautiful this ring is, or how gorgeous this one is in response to someone's ring, to me it seems a bit insincere at times so I wanted to spark some debate on the issue and get peoples opinions on it. I think a lot of first time pricescopers have had similar thoughts on the subject. In my opinion, this is a good way to gain some perspective on why you see the responses to what people post up on SMTR.

Maybe this should by a sticky topic in this forum as a reference point for people.

I for one have found peoples explanation of how the respond to others rings enlightening.

Ditto what everyone has replied thus far. Why would you want to mention that after the piece is done that it doesn’t measure up to your standards? I don't think that insincerity is a problem. We are on this forum because we love jewelry of all types – gemstones, diamonds, etc. - and how they are put together. It’s an art form. I think that we all can appreciate the work that goes into finding your “perfect” piece - even if that piece is not someone else's personal style.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 2/26/2008 11:11:22 AM
Author: MP
Tacori, I started this thread because all I seem to see is how beautiful this ring is, or how gorgeous this one is in response to someone's ring, to me it seems a bit insincere at times so I wanted to spark some debate on the issue and get peoples opinions on it. I think a lot of first time pricescopers have had similar thoughts on the subject. In my opinion, this is a good way to gain some perspective on why you see the responses to what people post up on SMTR.


Maybe this should by a sticky topic in this forum as a reference point for people.


I for one have found peoples explanation of how the respond to others rings enlightening.

I honestly don't think that many people would find it strange to find various stones to be gorgeous, no matter how they're set, how big they are, etc. As everyone else has said, once the whole process is done (as it is in this forum), it's common courtesy to say something nice or move on to the next thread. And honestly, it's not hard to find nice things to say about the pieces around here.

Out of curiosity, how would you have felt if you'd posted a ring here in SMRT (not RockyTalk) and were met with lots of posts of "eh, it's ok, but it's not my style" instead of, "wow, great job, beautiful stone/setting/ring" ?

 

[decodelighted]

MP,

If you want a *critical* assessment of the ER you selected ... just ASK for it when you post. There are MANY posters who are just DYING to tell you what they "really" think!

I''ll also offer this: go back over some of those threads with rave after rave with a more critical eye yourself. Do a little reading between the lines. See some posts with comments like this:

Unusual!
That''s a lotta ring!

or simply:

Congrats!

Sometimes people communicate a certain "meh"-ness about a ring with faint praise or by concentrating on the EVENT of engagement rather than the *particular* bling. And that''s not to say the ring isn''t AMAZING ... just that *that* particular poster didn''t LOVE LOVE LOVE it *personally*.

 

[mrssalvo]

i''ll give a critical assessment when asked if the post is in Rocky talky. I would never critize or say anything negative about someone''s ring who is just sharing pictures of something they find special. Many times i personally just won''t comment or find something I do like or is special about the ring to comment on. for me, it all just depends on where the question is asked. there are even times when someone will post a "what do you think of this ring I bought" and my first question is always, "do you have a return policy" but if they don''t then there is no use *beating them up* over their purchase they are probably already second guessing if there is absolutely nothing they can do about it. it''s best just to say, you saw the ring and loved it, not worry about the numbers and what the paper says and enjoy your ring..

 

[Catmom]

Ditto to almost all of the responses! If I say a ring is gorgeous then I find it to be gorgeous. I can usually find something that I like about something posted and if not, then I just do not post anything at all or I just might congratulate someone soley on the engagement. This is why I love PS so much. We do not have rude people here like on other boards and that makes me SO happy. There is no point in being mean or rude to someone. If someone does ask specifically for an opinion then I will give it to them but again not in a rude way. I will say something like it is not my style or for ME it doesn''t work because, etc. I always tell them though, to go with what they like because that is what is important. Not everybody likes the same things.

 

[Lorelei]

Also we are very often seeing the results of our labours in Rocky Talk being posted in SMTR. These diamonds have often had a lot of work and research put into their purchase by their proud new owners, sometimes along with our help, and are often diamonds with the best cut money can buy - and resulting light performance. So we are seeing many stones of great beauty which you don't see elsewhere, so the praise we give is heartfelt and justified.