Guys still spending $$$ on rings why not women?

[Haven]

I''m shocked to hear that, Mr. Eric, and I''m sorry to hear you''re having a hard time finding a job. We need good teachers! Schools should employ good teachers!

Okay, rant over.

And I thought getting a high school job was hard, we get an average of 800 applicants within the first week for every one job we post. We end up getting close to 1500 resumes by the time we narrow down the pool. I wonder if elementary ed is even more competitive.

I have two advanced degrees, MA and MEd, and I was worried that would make it hard for me, too. I ended up getting a job where I knew the people, they knew me, I had student taught there and taught summer school for two years, so it really came down to "who you know". If you don''t have a job by the fall, substitute, substitute, substitute--we always hire our best subs, and we make notes to not hire the bad ones. It''s the easiest way to get in the door. I''m sure you know all of this, sorry to threadjack! Can you tell I love my job? (Well, this last week of summer vacation is kinda bittersweet, but still . . . )

Good luck on getting something!

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 8/2/2007 9:28:47 PM
Author: Mr. Eric
I live abut 50miles west of Chicago. With a masters degree in el ed. and 4 years of classroom experience. Think my Master''s degree is killing me!

I think it''s your spelling...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I just wanted to chime in on this post. The only other time that I''ve posted on this forum was because I was obsessed with the price of the e-ring and making sure my fiancee got a good deal. I think tha men feel a great deal of pressure to buy a nice e-ring, which is unfortunate. When we first started looking at rings, I was insistant about getting a band that we could use as an e-ring and a wedding band, but my fiancee wasn''t exactly keen on the idea. He said that he planned to spend the typical 2-months salary, which I felt was completely unfair to him. We have lived together for about 7 years and have ALWAYS split things 50/50 because it is important to me that things are equal and the whole idea that he needs to spend 2 months worth of his salary on a ring upset me, so he scaled back the amount he''d originally planned to spend.

Still, I carry around a great deal of guilt and I hate feeling that way about my own e-ring. We''ve been saving our money for a long time and we are both comfortable, but I also know how hard we''ve worked to save what we''ve accumulated and spending even a small chunk of that on a ring and a wedding goes against what I personally feel. My parents have never been wealthy in the least and have worn the 2mm bands they exchanged in the living room of their house for 30 years now and THAT is beautiful to me.

I really appreciate the ring that my fiancee bought me. The proposal was beautiful, the ring is beautiful and the very small wedding we are planning (and paying for ourselves, 50/50) will be beautiful (and not force us to dig into savings), but I still think that for some women we aren''t necessarily in love with the idea of dropping a large chunk of cash on a diamond.

I understand that the tradition of the e-ring was that in exchange for the ring, the man received a dowry. The brides parents paid for everything in the home, which I''m sure at the time was fair. It''s just that I feel there is a lot of unecessary pressure put on men today to buy the huge ring, foot the bill for the grand wedding AND buy a house. No wonder men don''t want to get married until they are well into their thirties, they can''t afford it!

 

[Sassee]

Well, I am waiting for my engagement ring at the moment (apparently its been finished but I''m not sure when my man is picking it up nor when he will "present" it to me).

I put the 10% deposit down (just because I had the readily available cash at the time) but I won''t be expecting him to pay it back!

If I could convince him to wear a beautiful watch, I''d happily spend a few thousand dollars, but he works outdoors a lot and is too practical

I think he has said he wants a platinum or titanium wedding band. Not sure how much $$ is in one of those, but I have no issue in paying!

 

[musey]

Date: 8/2/2007 9:37:25 PM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 8/2/2007 9:28:47 PM

Author: Mr. Eric

I live abut 50miles west of Chicago. With a masters degree in el ed. and 4 years of classroom experience. Think my Master's degree is killing me!

I think it's your spelling...

lol surfgirl...

NewEnglandLady, I find it really unfortunate if men really do feel so much pressure over a RING that they'd put off marriage. FI and I had many "ring slash engagement" talks, many of which revolved around his concern at being able to finance the "ring of my dreams." I, like most of the other women I've talked to on this forum, told him I would go without a ring happily--all I wanted was to be married to him.

I think that if all these men actually bothered to speak with their ladies frankly about it, the vast majority of them would voice the same sentiment. I highly doubt I'm in the minority in this respect.

 

[cara]

Cause he wanted a band with no stones! The most expensive band we found for him was this $6k Memoire plain platinum wedding band that was nice, but it seemed pretty ridiculous to pay so much for a simple band. It wasn''t even his favorite - he did want a little more detail on the band.

Guys are also still wanting to spend $$$ on rings for the engagement ritual. Or at least some of my guy''s preferences for my ring raised the end price. Given that I wanted to get married and wanted a ring (both of which he was willing to postpone/skip), he wanted to give a traditional diamond solitaire (where I was willing to entertain different, less expensive options). And he ended up choosing a more expensive setting of the options I had liked.

He did get a nice road bike as an engagement present. Not nearly as much dough as my engagement ring, but it is a pretty nice bike and I wasn''t sure it would be worth it to throw lots more money into a bike just to raise the price for parity reasons, given that we are recreational bikers and bikes don''t last lifetimes.

I would also emphasize that our money is shared. So, yes, he did physically pay for my engagement ring. But its now money that is not in "our" savings.

So the imbalance, as I see it now, is not in who spent the money but it the value of goods received from the communal pot. And as long as he is happy with his engagement present and wedding ring, I''m leaving the deficit as something going forward, probably to be remedied after we have recovered from wedding expenses. I see cars and TVs as "ring" equalizers in our future...

 

[monarch64]

Well here''s my scenario, and I''m in the midwest, about 13 miles west of Chicago, Mr. Eric: I moved here from Indy to be with my love, we always split the rent, bills, etc. when we lived in an apt. He started talking marriage well before we moved in together, probably about two months into dating, and made it very clear he wanted to buy me an e-ring with a large diamond in it. I was very demure and told him I''d just as soon he tie a piece of twine round my finger rather than breaking the bank to get me a large sparkly, and he wasn''t hearing any of it. (My own mother got engaged with a cigar band!) While I loved jewelry and still do, getting engaged with a diamond whether it was big or small by anyone''s standards was not part of my M.O. All I wanted was to marry the man I''d come to fall in love with and spend the rest of our days together. I never went on a ring-choosing shopping trip with him. He had it in his head that he wanted to get me a "gorgeous ring set in platinum" much to my amazement, I had always assumed I''d get engaged with a simple 14k yg setting with maybe a carat for a center stone. he finally asked me one day what shape stone I really liked and what size my finger was...I just told him I wanted a RB and my finger size. I didn''t think he was really serious. He completely surprised me with a gorgeous 1.5 c RB in a platinum Tiffany style setting and I was floored. Of course i said yes.

My parents paid for our wedding, which was held here in chicagoland and not in my hometown as is traditional. We did not exchange wedding gifts, he makes a lot more than I do and we were both contributing to other aspects of the wedding so we skipped that part. Never has he said to me that he felt like he got the raw end of the deal when I got him an 18k designer wedding band and I received so much more. I do ask for equality in our marriage, i.e., he''s expected to at least pick up after himself and I do the scrubbing as far as cleaning, or if he cooks I will clean up afterwards and vice versa...but we''ve never had a squabble or difference of opinion even over what the price of my ring was as opposed to his. He WANTED to spend a certain amount, and whether that was to feed his own ego or just make me very happy or a combo of both, who knows, the subject has never come up since we are both happy with our lot in life.

 

[dtnyc]

Ok- I am late to this party, but I wanted to share my story- which I think is one of some equality.
My husband proposed w/ a ring that used a stone from his family. He had the ring made by an old family jeweler (no fancy designer)- he did not have the ring appraised or insured before proposing, so while I do not know what he paid, obviously the stone was free, I do know the value of the setting and it too crazy.

Since he was in grad school I bought both of our wedding bands. His is platinum, mine is an antique diamond eternity band- yes mine was more expensive, but if not for my shopping prowess (thanks pricescope!) we would have spent a lot more. Also I had his hand-engraved and gave him a Concorde watch and engraved cuff-links as a wedding gift. He gave me antique pearl earrings w/ small diamond accents & a coffee table w/ the basketball court of our alma mater on it- I love both of them!

My parents paid for the overwhelming majority of our wedding, I paid for somethings and his parents made a minimal contribution. It was a Saturday night, black-tie, wedding w/ the invited guest list was split 50/50 between my friends and family and his. My parents never got into a power play w/ his family about guest list, them chipping in a little more , etc. Meanwhile I could not attend a family function of his w/o his mother GRABBING my hand to show people the ring and announcing that it was stone from her mother-in-law.

We got married while he was in grad school- so he was then put on my medical & dental coverage, which was excellent at my old job. Post-wedding he went to the dentist and it turns out he needed a root canal. Yes at that point we were married and our finances were pooled but who do you think really "paid" for that root canal?- me- of course. And yes between my coverage and the flex spending much of it was covered, but I still could have bought myself some nice studs w/ what we paid out of pocket for his root canal and crown!

 

[phoenixgirl]

As I already said, my parents paid for my wedding. My parents have always been very generous and try to do things equitably. They paid for my brother and sister''s grad school and I know they''ll pay if I ever go (not sure why they chose to pay for grad school too because I think most parents don''t, but college wasn''t too bad for us because part of my dad''s compensation is tuition money for his kids'' undergrad). My sister''s wedding preceded mine and was in a very expensive area, so it cost a lot of money without really trying. So then my parents had it in their head that this was a reasonable amount to spend on a wedding, and well, I can''t complain, it was a lovely affair.

Again, it''s the whole equitable thing. My brother went to grad school right out of college, so I can see how they felt he was still a dependent and since he didn''t have an income and they wanted him to pursue the career of his choice, they paid for it. Then my sister waited 5 years after college to go back to school and was married at that point, so you can see why they might decide she should pay for it, but since they''d already paid for my brother''s grad school they wanted to be fair.

 

[Haven]

Too funny, Surfgirl.

I think it''s great that so many of you have parents who could afford (and were willing) to help pay for the wedding, and in some cases, grad school!

I''m going to stick to my guns and say any man who allows himself to be bullied into spending more on an e-ring than he feels comfortable needs to man up and have an honest conversation with his girlfriend. Period.

NewEnglandLady--it''s unfortunate that you feel this way about your e-ring, have you talked to your FI about this?

Cara--I love the road bike idea! My BF needs a new bike and all this time I''ve been focused on getting him a Breitling watch! Thanks for the tip.

The more we talk about this issue, the more moot is seems. If you''re going to enter a marriage keeping tally about who paid for what, sounds like you''re focused on the wrong things. If you''re a man and you don''t feel you should have to buy an e-ring for your future fiancee, then don''t! If that''s how you really feel, then I imagine you''re dating someone who loves you for who you are and will accept (and possibly expect) that you feel this way.

Great topic, Mr. E!

 

[baby monster]

I don''t think the ring situation is going to change anytime soon. Women who have done well for themselves still look for a husband who earns at least as much as them or more. It''s this whole idea of ''provider'' that has been drilled into our heads. Men, on the other hand, like to think that they ''bring home the bacon'' even though the earning power has been slowly shifting in women''s favor and some women make more than their SOs. The ering is not only a symbol of commitment but also of your purchasing power, so the more money the man makes the bigger ring he can buy (i.e. 2 month''s salary thing) and show it off to his friends.

As far as pressuring a guy into an expensive ring. A lot of my friends expect a large ring because they worked hard to get to a certain point in their career and have high paying jobs. They spend quite a bit on their clothes, bags and jewelry and a small ering might not match their lifestyle.

I personally agree with other posters about contributing to a ring budget if the price of the ring you like exceeds your SO''s budget but I did a quick poll among my friends and they would see that as an insult.

 

[Miranda]

This thread is cracking me up!

I think the issue is simple. Women like jewelry...Men like cars and surround sound and huge TVs. I don''t find a double standard.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I agree, Haven, about men being bullied around. It doesn''t matter if they are being bullied by a salesperson at a jewelry store or a girlfriend who wants more than what they can afford. I really feel like the more educated they become (by using resources like this forum) the less likely they are to get screwed over. And while i know men don''t like to talk about the cost of the ring, I think it''s perfectly reasonable for a couple to discuss the ring budget--I feel it''s just as essential as discussing the type of ring she likes. When we started ring shopping we had very different budgets in mind. I thought an eternity band that cost less than 3k would be ideal and he wanted to spend two months salary, which made me uncomfortable. In the end we agreed that he would spend less and we''d take two honeymoons instead of one, which made us both happy.

BTW, I did recently speak with FI about how I feel. After I posted here I felt much, much better about the purchase because i do feel like he got a great deal and for some reason that is relieving to me. I do love the ring, I think it''s stunning and I very much appreciate that my FI bought it for me. He said that when he was writing the check he couldn''t believe how excited he was about spending money (we''re both cheap! and that he''s really glad he chose this ring and we agreed that we would never reset it or change it at all. So I love it, he loves it, I''m letting it go and am just really appreciating it and taking care of it.

He ordered the wedding band last week, which is an eternity band since that''s what I orginally told him I wanted and I''m ordering his band today, which is just a simple patinum band and I''m also ordering one for myself so that we can have matching bands--I''ll probably wear the band more than the e-ring and eternity ring, haha.

 

[JL720]

I''ve lurked on this forum for a loong time. As a male, I don''t think it will change ever and that''s ok. If you look at the current trend in men''s rings you''ll see titanium, tungsten and stainless steel, all which are a fraction of the cost of even 14kt gold. The only way things will change is if the diamond market is flooded with diamonds and the market hits rock bottom which I don''t see happening anytime soon.

Personally, I am a very detailed oriented person, engineer type, and I enjoyed the process of learning all about diamonds and metalurgy. I wanted to but the best e-ring I could afford. My FI at the time didn''t care all that much as to what I got her because she trusted me knowing how I am about certain things. One thing I did do was ask her what style settings she liked and what cut she preferred but that was all. She was extremely happy with my choice and I have a titanium band that cost 90 bucks, 1/10th the cost of her e-ring but I don''t care because to me, it''s not the issue. I wanted her to be happy but also there is something to be said about me being happy as well with the purchase.

So do men really care? I don''t think they do, it''s a mochismo thing I guess, having your FI/wife showing off that ring and getting ohhhs and ahhhhs. That makes me feel good too.

 

[Fly Girl]

Date: 8/3/2007 11:26:27 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I agree, Haven, about men being bullied around. It doesn''t matter if they are being bullied by a salesperson at a jewelry store or a girlfriend who wants more than what they can afford. I really feel like the more educated they become (by using resources like this forum) the less likely they are to get screwed over. And while i know men don''t like to talk about the cost of the ring, I think it''s perfectly reasonable for a couple to discuss the ring budget--I feel it''s just as essential as discussing the type of ring she likes. When we started ring shopping we had very different budgets in mind. I thought an eternity band that cost less than 3k would be ideal and he wanted to spend two months salary, which made me uncomfortable. In the end we agreed that he would spend less and we''d take two honeymoons instead of one, which made us both happy.

BTW, I did recently speak with FI about how I feel. After I posted here I felt much, much better about the purchase because i do feel like he got a great deal and for some reason that is relieving to me. I do love the ring, I think it''s stunning and I very much appreciate that my FI bought it for me. He said that when he was writing the check he couldn''t believe how excited he was about spending money (we''re both cheap! and that he''s really glad he chose this ring and we agreed that we would never reset it or change it at all. So I love it, he loves it, I''m letting it go and am just really appreciating it and taking care of it.

He ordered the wedding band last week, which is an eternity band since that''s what I orginally told him I wanted and I''m ordering his band today, which is just a simple patinum band and I''m also ordering one for myself so that we can have matching bands--I''ll probably wear the band more than the e-ring and eternity ring, haha.

Bless you and your FI, New England Lady! You sound like a wonderful couple. I love your beautiful LK ring, and you will so enjoy it every day. Getting matching plat bands is a great idea, as well. You will be wearing them at lot!

I got a 0.21 ct diamond ring when we got engaged. Size wasn''t important to me.

It''s about the love, not the money!

 

[gwendolyn]

I've been making more money than my boyfriend for a few years now, so if/when we get engaged, I'm anticipating that I will be paying the majority of the price of my engagement ring, assuming there's money for one at all. I certainly hope so, but you never know what's ahead, and there have been some expensive surprises that have popped up this past year.

Then we'll have to figure out how we're going to get married with my family and friends in the U.S. and his family and friends in the U.K....

 

[BigDiamonds]

All I have to say is this: we all know what a $20,$30,$50k ring looks like (there are plenty around here.) Now - who wants to see a dude walking around with one of those on his finger???

 

[kellyfish]

I have not read the responses, but personally think "fancy" jewelry looks cheesy on men. Maybe a nice watch, or something understated in a platinum band. For some reason, gold nuggets and pinky rings come to mind.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 8/7/2007 8:57:55 PM
Author: kellyfish
I have not read the responses, but personally think ''fancy'' jewelry looks cheesy on men. Maybe a nice watch, or something understated in a platinum band. For some reason, gold nuggets and pinky rings come to mind.

And several necklaces worn at once getting caught in dark chest hair!