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Guys still spending $$$ on rings why not women?

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Mr. Eric

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I thought that this would be a hot topic. Maybe it has already been discussed, but is there ever going to be a time when women pay the same as men for rings? I always hear all this talk on equality, but guys are still going out there spending lots of money on e-rings and it seems like most women in my area (the midwest) are buying fairly cheap wedding rings for their men. Is it because most guys don''t want rings with diamonds? I would not mind it. I just think back in the day when men made all of the money of course women should expect a heck of a ring, as well as they should now, but why not get the guy an expensive ring? Heck my gf makes twice what I make, but I am probably going to be spending at least 3x what she will on me for my ring, and I still have a wedding ring to buy!! Thought it would be fun to see what people think about this. Seems like we all talk about eqaulity, but in certain areas things remain the same (like guys shelling out huge amount on rings).
 
hmm, well my family and I paid for the wedding which was quite a bit more than my hubby paid from my e-ring, so maybe the traditions should be switched
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seriously though, there are plenty of couples who do make the purchase together or where gals will contribute in order to get the size and or setting she really wants. Tradition is what it is but I think most couples will do what works best for them.
 
As you can see I have too much time on my hands. I love this site though. Lost of great people have helped me out choosing my e-ring. Thanks to all that did! If I had the money I would covered in bling!
 
Date: 8/2/2007 3:07:09 PM
Author:Mr. Eric
I thought that this would be a hot topic. Maybe it has already been discussed, but is there ever going to be a time when women pay the same as men for rings? I always hear all this talk on equality, but guys are still going out there spending lots of money on e-rings and it seems like most women in my area (the midwest) are buying fairly cheap wedding rings for their men. Is it because most guys don''t want rings with diamonds? I would not mind it. I just think back in the day when men made all of the money of course women should expect a heck of a ring, as well as they should now, but why not get the guy an expensive ring? Heck my gf makes twice what I make, but I am probably going to be spending at least 3x what she will on me for my ring, and I still have a wedding ring to buy!! Thought it would be fun to see what people think about this. Seems like we all talk about eqaulity, but in certain areas things remain the same (like guys shelling out huge amount on rings).
LOL!! I was about to respond to your comment in the other thread and then deleted it... but since you started a thread I will respond...

The point of rings and marriage is not how much you spend on them, its the symbol and commitment. We all know this.

Lets take my situation for example... (with fake dollars amounts). My ering cost 5k. I want a wedding band that costs about 2k... I am planning on spending about 3k on my FIs wedding band (he wants diamonds). By pure numbers on rings he is spending over twice what I am spending. But... I did just buy him a truck.. could this be considered and engagement present? If so, then I spent more... LOL!

In the end, marriage is not about money spent on rings. I am going to and already do a lot for my FI.... things that you cannot put a monetary value on (no dirty minds please). Should that be factored in to how much he should spend for my engagement ring???

Funny topic... interesting to see "the guy''s point of view".
 
I just feel bad if my gf does not get a ring that is similar to her friends. I almost feel that if I don''t spend a good amount that I will look like a jerk. If the tradition of brides families paying for the wedding was still going then big bucks on rings would be alright....
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I think buying a truck for your man balances everything out and then some!! Too bad he got to you first!
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I think that time is now, depending on if it works for the couple.

Often times though, it is the MAN who is traditional and wants to buy the ring and wants no assistance (both in design or financially) from the woman.

My husband was traditional and wanted to get me a ring. I did not want one, BUT if he did get me one I had definitive ideas of what I wanted that I knew were out of his budget. I figured if I have to wear a ring everyday, I have to like it. I wanted a stone of about a carat, plus a specific setting.

I asked him if he minded if I pitched in. He didn''t mind at all. He put it everything he could, and I paid the rest. It came out to be about a 65/35 split with him putting in the majority. I then put in more money and bought him a set of very nice golf clubs because I wanted him to have something nice. He was delighted.

So our engagement ended up costing us both about the same amount.
 
Sorry guys, and gals. I did not see that there is an open forum. If I would have known I would have posted this there.
 
WOW! There are some great woman on this site!
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A lot of girls on this board buy their own diamonds! Maybe not their own e-rings, but a lot of their own jewelry...
 
Hmmm . . . well, my husband got me a ring with my own family's diamond in it, then I spent 3.5x what he spent on my ring paying off his credit card debt from college. And then my family paid for a black tie wedding at country club. And I gave him an engagement watch. And I got him an $800 platinum band and he got me a $100 gold band. So I won't have anybody say I made out like a bandit in this exchange!

I think that how a couple pays for an engagement ring is up to them and whether they both want diamond bands or just the woman. In some cases the man secretly spends as much as he can to surprise the woman, but in many others they plan ahead and decide together how to pay for it. The diamong engagement ring and wedding set is definitely a cultural thing, but we do many other things because we've all decided . . . hey, I must wear this shiny piece of cloth hanging from my neck or else I'm not dressed up, or hey, I must shave off this hair that grows naturally on my body because it's "gross."
 
Date: 8/2/2007 3:30:38 PM
Author: kristy_lyn
A lot of girls on this board buy their own diamonds! Maybe not their own e-rings, but a lot of their own jewelry...
Yup, I''m one of them, hehe. RHR''s, diamond studs, etc.... I would gladly buy Mr. Kaleigh a diamond band but he doesn''t wear any jewelry. Just a watch. Still mad he won''t wear a wedding ring, but after 20 years of marriage, I''m ok with it...
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Date: 8/2/2007 3:23:13 PM
Author: Mr. Eric
I just feel bad if my gf does not get a ring that is similar to her friends. I almost feel that if I don''t spend a good amount that I will look like a jerk. If the tradition of brides families paying for the wedding was still going then big bucks on rings would be alright....
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I don''t think anyone should buy a ring that satisfies their SO''s desires because they don''t want to "feel bad" or "look like a jerk."

My engagement ring cost about 30 times what FI''s current wedding band selection cost. Not because I''m unwilling to invest as much money in him as he is in me, but because that''s where our preferences led us. Believe me, if he wanted a wedding band with a big center stone that would be fine--well, I guess he''d sort of be a different man than the one I know, so we probably wouldn''t end up having that conversation
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I offered, repeatedly, to split the cost of my e-ring with my FI--nearly insisted. He refused. I have never let him "spend" on me before, and he wanted this to be his gift to me. We are, however, splitting the cost of our wedding bands, since his will cost less than mine. Not all couples feel comfortable with this. In a lot of cases, the guy buys it all. There''s nothing wrong with that... it''s all about what''s right for THAT couple.

It''s all "our money" if we''re getting married, anyway, so what does it matter?
 
I will have to admit. My gf has not clue about diamonds. I could have bought her a ring for 2k, but I chose to get her a tacori because a beautiful girl deserves a beautiful ring! It was totally up to me to spend a lot, but I did not want to be 70 years old and look down at her wrinkly but beautiful hands and say "Damn I wish I would have spent the money and got her the ring I wanted." I just thought that this would be a fun topic to talk about.
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Date: 8/2/2007 3:12:14 PM
Author: mrssalvo
hmm, well my family and I paid for the wedding which was quite a bit more than my hubby paid from my e-ring, so maybe the traditions should be switched
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seriously though, there are plenty of couples who do make the purchase together or where gals will contribute in order to get the size and or setting she really wants. Tradition is what it is but I think most couples will do what works best for them.
I hadn''t thought about it like this. My family did pay alot more for our wedding than my husband did for my rings. So no it didn''t work out equally! I never have thought about this before. What''s this about the bride or her family no longer paying for the wedding?!

My husband made alot more money than I did and he didn''t want any diamonds. Still doesn''t. I got a very nice Anniversary ring and tried to get him a diamond but he picked electronics again.
 
welp what it boils down to is if ya want to play ya has to pay.
only other option is too get out of the game.
Which many are....
But thats another story.....
 
I saw the post of the guy saying he would spend 25-30k on a ring and I started thinking WOW! Things have gotten crazy with rings and wedding these days! By the way I am under 30 not some old man saying this.
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I'll try again, more concisely this time: life and marriage are not about tit-for-tat. I wouldn't want to marry a man who tried to even up the score constantly. I don't expect him to buy me a present for his birthday, just because I'm buying him one
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Luckily, my partnership is about equal contributions--emotionally, supportively--and consideration for the other person. Money is just a number.


If you're happy with having spent $XXX amount on her e-ring, then what does it matter? Guys should not be expected to drop a certain amount of cash on their ladies, "just because." Many want to, just like you did. I have yet to see a bitter poster on here complaining about how much his girlfriend "made him spend," so to me, it seems like the topic is moot, you know?

Date: 8/2/2007 3:43:53 PM
Author: Mr. Eric
I saw the post of the guy saying he would spend 25-30k on a ring and I started thinking WOW! Things have gotten crazy with rings and wedding these days! By the way I am under 30 not some old man saying this.
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I think it's because you're not "some old man" that you're saying this. A lot of the posters on here are over 35 and well settled in their careers, therefore with more money to throw around, when they get engaged--or when they buy an upgrade
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. Besides, taking inflation into account, there were plenty of people 30, 40, 50 years ago spending the equivalent of over $20k on their rings, and if you heard about them or met them ANYWHERE--it would have been on a diamond forum (or in the case of pre-1990s, jewelery stores, conventions, etc, etc.)

Just because that one person on this board was presenting a $25-30k price range doesn't mean times are a' changin'. Most people spend a very modest amount on their ring, just like in the days of yore!
 
Makes me feel bad for they great guys out there who are dating and could only afford a simple gold band for their lady.
 
Date: 8/2/2007 3:46:38 PM
Author: Mr. Eric
Makes me feel bad for they great guys out there who are dating and could only afford a simple gold band for their lady.
I''m sure those ladies wear their gold bands with pride! FI could have given me a sterling ring that he bought off eBay for $2.95 and I''d still have said yes
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Date: 8/2/2007 3:44:19 PM
Author: musey
If you''re happy with having spent $XXX amount on her e-ring, then what does it matter? Guys should not be expected to drop a certain amount of cash on their ladies, ''just because.'' Many want to, just like you did. I have yet to see a bitter poster on here complaining about how much his girlfriend ''made him spend,'' so to me, it seems like the topic is moot, you know?
Ah not true,,,
How many people have we seen post waaahhh I wanted bigger? Truth is guys are expected to drop cash.
And I have heard the she made me spend $$$ on a ring from guys millions of times.
They just don''t want to get hit so they don''t say it around anyone that might tell there old lady.
Face it the truth is 99% of guys would never buy jewelery without pressure.

Spend the cash, spin the wheel, take your chances :}
 
Date: 8/2/2007 3:07:09 PM
Author:Mr. Eric
I thought that this would be a hot topic. Maybe it has already been discussed, but is there ever going to be a time when women pay the same as men for rings? I always hear all this talk on equality, but guys are still going out there spending lots of money on e-rings and it seems like most women in my area (the midwest) are buying fairly cheap wedding rings for their men. Is it because most guys don't want rings with diamonds? I would not mind it. I just think back in the day when men made all of the money of course women should expect a heck of a ring, as well as they should now, but why not get the guy an expensive ring? Heck my gf makes twice what I make, but I am probably going to be spending at least 3x what she will on me for my ring, and I still have a wedding ring to buy!! Thought it would be fun to see what people think about this. Seems like we all talk about eqaulity, but in certain areas things remain the same (like guys shelling out huge amount on rings).

I don't know about you, but as a heterosexual guy, I am not interested in jewelery at all. Me for example, I want to show prestige by having a good career, nice clothes, nice watch, nice car, and fancy gadgets and such. A modern woman on the other hand, might have similar career interests, like wearing clothes, but might appreciate wearing jewelery instead of going after fancy gadgets.

I know that for my girlfriend, she would rather spend a few hundred dollars on a fancy coach handbag that in my opinion, is no different than a good quality knock off you can get in the streets of NYC for 10$. But for her, she appreciates the coach bag and wants it and there is no logical thing I can tell her to change her minid. For me, I crave for gadgets like a 500$ dSLR camera with a 500$ sigma 18-250 lens but for my girlfriend, she doesn't understand why I *need* a camera and lens combination for 1000$ when a regular point and click 200$ canon does the same thing.

Men and women can have equality, but that doesn't mean our desires and wants are the same. At the end of the day, what most guys want is different than what most women want. And as a guy, if you don't realize that and start accepting that difference, you will grow up and become one of those old men/women who sit around complaining to other old men/women about your wives and how you never understand them. I for one, understand my significant other perfectly =) she lets me have my gadgets, I let her have her coach bags.

Of course, the $6.5K E-ring I am going to get her is probably the most expensive thing I will ever buy other than a house or a car, but hey who is counting anyways? =)
 
After you are married, in most cases, your finances are pooled as well. So it is hard to say who paid for what. Still, I definitely paid for my own 25 year e-ring upgrade to a 1.5 ct F VS2 platinum diamond ring, because the money came from a payout when the company I worked for was sold.

Last Christmas I bought him a RHR with a raw, uncut brown octahedron diamond tension set in stainless steel. It looks very cool and very masculine. That diamond is 2 ct.
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So, he actually has the largest diamond ring in the family right now.
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I am biding my time.
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I''m thinking that I will be needing
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an upgrade at some point. But, we have two kids in college this year, and what I would like costs about two semester''s tuition.
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Date: 8/2/2007 3:52:08 PM
Author: strmrdr
Date: 8/2/2007 3:44:19 PM

Author: musey

If you're happy with having spent $XXX amount on her e-ring, then what does it matter? Guys should not be expected to drop a certain amount of cash on their ladies, 'just because.' Many want to, just like you did. I have yet to see a bitter poster on here complaining about how much his girlfriend 'made him spend,' so to me, it seems like the topic is moot, you know?
Ah not true,,,

How many people have we seen post waaahhh I wanted bigger? Truth is guys are expected to drop cash.

And I have heard the she made me spend $$$ on a ring from guys millions of times.[/b]

They just don't want to get hit so they don't say it around anyone that might tell there old lady.

Face it the truth is 99% of guys would never buy jewelery without pressure.


Spend the cash, spin the wheel, take your chances :}
You've also been here for how many more years than I?
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I said that ***I*** (not no one) have seen none.

I honestly feel that women who pressure their guys to spend _____ dollar amount are very much the exception, not the rule. They're more prevalent on diamond forums--obviously.

If a woman is pressuring you (the proverbial "you"--not YOU) to buy her a ring and you don't want to, DON'T. Besides, why would you want to marry someone who forces you to do anything, especially spending exorbitant amounts of money on HER? Can we say--setting the standard for future patterns of behavior?
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If you feel pressured by SOCIETY to drop cash on a big ring, that's your problem--not hers. It's just like any other expectation that we place on ourselves and blame society or, in poor judgment, our significant others. If I feel pressure from society to be thin, am I going to blame my FI? "Waah why do *I* have to be skinny and wear makeup, and *HE* doesn't?"

Give me a break.
 
Well, we are one couple that did do things somewhat equally. He paid for my e-ring stone, I paid for the settiing. I paid for my wedding band. I also paid for his wedding band. I even offered if he wanted diamonds in his wedding band. He didn't, but if he had I would have still paid for his wedding band and it would have been more expensive.

All in all, I spent *more* money on the wedding jewelry than he did. Most of this is because I wanted an expensive wedding band, but either way I definitely spent a couple of thousand more than he did.
 
You pose an interesting question, Mr. Eric. I read an interesting article in Slate, I believe, about how the whole diamond engagement ring standard was started in the U.S. after a substantial DeBeers marketing campaign, but I''m not sure if this is actually true.

As for the question of why men are still spending thousands on engagement rings while you "always hear all this talk on equality" I think it just comes down to plain old peer pressure--if all of your guy friends have spent $15,000 on an engagement ring, and your new fiancee shows up with a $200 plain gold band on her left hand, how will you feel? I''m not validating those feelings, nor am I validating peer pressure for that matter, but it must have something to do with the societal expectation that a man will purchase his betrothed a nice diamond ring, and the individual''s sense of obligation to adhere to this expectation. It sounds like you yourself feel this pressure, Mr. E.

Regardless of why men are still expected to purchase an expensive ring, I have to say that any man who truly feels that this is an unfair ritual and still goes ahead and purchases the ring anyway is clearly a wimp and needs to stop living according to other people''s standards! :) I''m just kidding, but I do have a difficult time understanding why people choose to do things, and then complain about those choices later.

I do think MrsSalvo''s example is important to note--men are expected to buy the ring, but the bride''s family is expected to pay for the wedding, which is a much larger expense.

And the ladies are so right--a lot of women are pitching in for their rings or purchasing engagement gifts for the FIs. My BF is traditional in that he won''t allow me to help pay for the ering, but I''m currently scheming with our jeweler to make sure he gets information about which Breitling watch my BF loves most, and then I''m going to surprise him with one after he proposes. Sure, the watch is only going to cost $3,000, while the ring will be closer to $15,000, so it is not equal. However, as Musey said, it''s not about tit-for-tat. My BF has been drooling over watches for the last three years, I know he will love it, and I''m getting it for him NOT because he''s buying me a ring, but because I want to make him happy.

Anyway, I''ve rambled enough about this. Oooh, I found that article I referenced in the beginning of the post:

Diamond''s Are A Girl''s Worst Friend
 
To be honest ... we''re kinda "equal"-izers too, my DH & I. As a 38 year old bride I kinda wanted more of an e-ring that I thought was really "reasonable" so we basically split the cost of what I wanted. And our w-bands were just about an equal amount. I''d say between my family''s contribution & his family''s and mine & his -- the wedding costs ended up almost even as well.

If I was at a different time in my life I would probably be more "romantic" about the e-ring as "surprise gift" but ... I''m not and he''s not and I''m super 100% thrilled with the solution we came up with and he says that he is too. In a way it was our first big project together & it will always represent *that*
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Amen, Musey. You said exactly what I was trying to say but with concision and clarity!
 
Date: 8/2/2007 4:16:53 PM
Author: decodelighted
To be honest ... we''re kinda ''equal''-izers too, my DH & I. As a 38 year old bride I kinda wanted more of an e-ring that I thought was really ''reasonable'' so we basically split the cost of what I wanted. And our w-bands were just about an equal amount. I''d say between my family''s contribution & his family''s and mine & his -- the wedding costs ended up almost even as well.

If I was at a different time in my life I would probably be more ''romantic'' about the e-ring as ''surprise gift'' but ... I''m not and he''s not and I''m super 100% thrilled with the solution we came up with and he says that he is too. In a way it was our first big project together & it will always represent *that*
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I think that''s it Deco...if I had been younger, I may have romanticized it a little more. Or maybe not. Do you think with personalities like ours, that age really matters?
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I like the fact that we came to an agreement about our "project" too. It felt right because I was more focused on our partnership, not a "wedding."

BTW Deco, we are in double digits for months now for our anniversay this month!
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Happy early 10 month anniversary!
 
I don''t think that they brides parents are paying for weddings like they used to? Are they? I am not really complaining, I was just posing a question, that''s all.
 
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