Got any jokes?

[missy]

 

[kenny]

Hahahah!

 

[jaysonsmom]

 

[Garnetgirl]

I’ll never look at the car thermometer the same way again!

 

[canuk-gal]

I’ll never look at the car thermometer the same way again!

no kidding!

 

[kenny]

Hahaha!

 

[Rockdiamond]

"My grandma fell down the stairs!"
"oh no! cellar?"
"Nah, we just fixed her up a bit"

 

[kenny]

 

[stracci2000]

 

[Garnetgirl]

Woah, looks like a pretty wicked adversary! Wouldn’t want to tangle with him....

 

[stracci2000]

 

[Garnetgirl]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"
He replied, "They had avocados."

 

[kenny]

Hahahaha!

 

[missy]

 

[Rockdiamond]

Another for the musicians....


C, E-Flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry,
but we don’t serve minors.” So E-Flat leaves, and C
and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the
fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to
augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and
heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll
just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is
not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices B-Flat hiding at the end of the bar
and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor
I’ve found in this bar tonight.” E-Flat comes back
the next night in a 3 piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The
bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come
on in, this could be a major development.”
Sure enough, E-Flat soon takes off his suit and everything else,
and is au naturel. Eventually, C sobers up and realizes in horror
that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found
guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is
sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale
correctional facility.

 

[kenny]

When the Marine fighter jet was shot down, the pilot ejected just in time.
After weeks in the ICU, hooked up to half the equipment in the hospital, the pilot regained consciousness.

The nurse, spoke to him softly and slowly, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
He replied, "Can I feel your boobs then?"

 

[kenny]

 

[missy]

When the Marine fighter jet was shot down, the pilot ejected just in time.
After weeks in the ICU, hooked up to half the equipment in the hospital, the pilot regained consciousness.

The nurse, spoke to him softly and slowly, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
He replied, "Can I feel your boobs then?"

Here are some chuckles for this Saturday morning.

1. Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
2. There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!
3. How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.
4. What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
5. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
6. How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
“Pleased to eat you.”
7. What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
8. How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
9. Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
10. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
11. A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
12. What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?
Shear madness.
13. What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?
Itenticle.
14. Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store!
15. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
16. Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honey comb!
17. Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
Because they have lots of scales.
18. What animal has more lives than a cat?
Frogs, they croak every night!
19. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
20. What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
Mice krispies
21. Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.
22. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try and try and try-ceratops!
23. What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.
24. What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
25. Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because his feet stink!
26. Why don’t bears wear shoes?
What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!
27. What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin sea.
28. How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
29. What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Glass flippers.
30. What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A woolen jumper!

 

[missy]

Animated GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Discover & share this Animated GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

giphy.com

 

[Rockdiamond]

A really old Jewish joke- sorry if it's a repeat....

A little old Jewish man is hit by a car, he survives- and he's laying on the side of the road.
The medic asks- "Are you comfortable?"
"Well.....I make a living" he replies.....

 

[kenny]

 

[stracci2000]

Hey! I have that photo, too!
My awesome neighbor placed a big spring next to our downspout and took this photo a few years ago.

 

[kenny]

LOL.

 

[kenny]

 

[alleyquit]

Love everything.

 

[kenny]

I took a poll and learned: fully 100% of people are unhappy when a tent falls on them.

 

[Rockdiamond]

'nother one for the musicians.

My goldfish are named Dorian, Minor, Major, Lydian and Diminished. They really look exactly alike- the only way to tell them apart is by their scales.....

 

[alleyquit]

Awesome, love it..

 

[kenny]

 

[kenny]