FSIL troubles...again

[Niel]

Niel. It really stinks that you are dealing with this; I'm so sorry.

When I read things like your post here, I always wonder if anyone involved considers how this will affect everything involving family later on. Like, if you have children, and she's the aunt, will you even remember or care (or will she?) about the bachelorette party? I understand that she's probably hurt you deeply with her behavior. But how will you deal with her later in life?

Do you think she will really muck up your wedding? Does she have a good relationship with your brother? I haven't read your other threads about her, sorry to say. It sounds like they have an ok relationship, but she is maybe upset to be "losing" her brother? Are they very close?

i only have one other sibling, my brother, who is 4 years older. We were quite close growing up, until he turned 16 and started driving and dating. I really hated every girl he went out with. I was very angry because he wasn't "mine" anymore. (This subsided when I turned 16 myself and started dating, of course!) I wonder if she is stuck in the mindset I was... while it isn't healthy, it is a point to ponder.

You said her family has never done anything to make her stop her bad behavior. What do you think they should do? You know, you really can't control what's already happened. You can only control your own behavior towards her.

I guess what I'm saying is you're going to HAVE to be the bigger/better person here. It sucks, but that just seems to be the way it is.

Someone else said either give her her way aka back down, or tell her she has to do it your way. I'm not sure that's the best thing to do. I wonder if you can't hang out with her soon and have it out, if you have to have words, so be it. Maybe you could come to some sort of compromise? You're going to be her sister-in-law, too. You'll have a lot of family holidays/occasions when you have to deal with her, and she, you. You know?

We already have a DD, which is why I have been saying this gets a little hairy. (Back when we announced the baby, first think the sister said was "how stupid can you be! I can't believe you'd do this to me."

If you were to ask her if her and her brother were close, she would say yes. He would not. As he would say he loves her but does not like her.

And what I mean by the fact that her parents and family do nothing is they feed into her selfish and narcissistic behaviors. She still lives at home. Her car and phone and any bills are paid by her mom...... this dramatic situation is pretty normal for her. Has them often. And every time her mother just tells her how right she is and everyone else is in the wrong. Amazing how that is.

Their mother called last night and talked to my FI.

She essentially took her side. Telling essentially my FI he's whipped because he is taking my side on it. Of course he has actually seen every correspondence she and I have had. His mother just hearing her side.

 

[monarch64]

Niel, I'm really sorry. I'm not sure I have the right advice to offer in light of everything!

Do you really want to marry into this family? That's a horrible thing to ask, but a realistic question. His mom and sister seem awfully difficult, and that won't ever change.

You're young. You can still change your mind.

 

[missy]

Niel, I'm really sorry. I'm not sure I have the right advice to offer in light of everything!

Do you really want to marry into this family? That's a horrible thing to ask, but a realistic question. His mom and sister seem awfully difficult, and that won't ever change.

You're young. You can still change your mind.

I admit I haven't read through this thread I don't agree with this on the face of it. My dh has a very difficult family (though I will say they are so much better now 15 years later but that's because of how we handled it all) and if I went by the above advice I would have missed out on being with my soul mate. The love of my life.

It's all how you deal with the family as a team. You and your dh are the 2 most important people in your relationship. In fact the only people who really matter in your relationship. Don't give haters any power over you and your dh. Be strong and just be polite but firm. Do what you want to do, what you feel is the right/best thing to do and carry on. You cannot control other people but you can control your reaction to them. If family members are acting hateful,childish or with maliciousness no need to cater to them. As I wrote only 2 people truly matter in your marriage and what consideration you give to others is entirely within your control as the team unit you are.

When my dh proposed my father asked me if I really wanted to marry into his family as they were a bit hateful towards me, especially my dh's SIL-no exaggeration. And I knew in my heart that it just didn't matter. My dh had always shown me that I came first and that is the critical point. Make sure your FI/dh understands that and feels that in his heart and then the 2 of you will be OK. However if he doesn't "get" that then and only then would I truly caution you.

Good luck Niel. While I know couples cannot operate in a vacuum there is more in your control than you realize if you take that power. Don't give it to others and don't allow others to affect your well being and health as a couple. No matter the tradition families do not have the right to control your life and happiness. That is up to you and your dh.

 

[Niel]

Niel, I'm really sorry. I'm not sure I have the right advice to offer in light of everything!

Do you really want to marry into this family? That's a horrible thing to ask, but a realistic question. His mom and sister seem awfully difficult, and that won't ever change.

You're young. You can still change your mind.

I admit I haven't read through this thread I don't agree with this on the face of it. My dh has a very difficult family (though I will say they are so much better now 15 years later but that's because of how we handled it all) and if I went by the above advice I would have missed out on being with my soul mate. The love of my life.

It's all how you deal with the family as a team. You and your dh are the 2 most important people in your relationship. In fact the only people who really matter in your relationship. Don't give haters any power over you and your dh. Be strong and just be polite but firm. Do what you want to do, what you feel is the right/best thing to do and carry on. You cannot control other people but you can control your reaction to them. If family members are acting hateful,childish or with maliciousness no need to cater to them. As I wrote only 2 people truly matter in your marriage and what consideration you give to others is entirely within your control as the team unit you are.

When my dh proposed my father asked me if I really wanted to marry into his family as they were a bit hateful towards me, especially my dh's SIL-no exaggeration. And I knew in my heart that it just didn't matter. My dh had always shown me that I came first and that is the critical point. Make sure your FI/dh understands that and feels that in his heart and then the 2 of you will be OK. However if he doesn't "get" that then and only then would I truly caution you.

Good luck Niel. While I know couples cannot operate in a vacuum there is more in your control than you realize if you take that power. Don't give it to others and don't allow others to affect your well being and health as a couple. No matter the tradition families do not have the right to control your life and happiness. That is up to you and your dh.

Oh yes I'm quite sure I want to marry him. I love him. I love our little family. I love a few people in his famil; his brother, uncle, dad....my family also loves him.

When we were first dating I about left him because his sister tried to break us up and was even more outwardly mean than she is now. But I decided to take the really feast with the really terrible.

I think if it continues this way my FI wouldn't hesitate to just ignore her. The only real reason he doesn't now is she lives with her mom. She always talk about moving cross country. I'm just hoping one day she does it.

 

[JewelFreak]

My twin sister Missy is right on the mark, Niel! You seem to have it together too. If you know what you want to do & calmly do it, with your FI's support, without anguishing yourself, it'll work out. She won't change, but as long as you have her number, you can deal together with her drama. My SIL isn't so self-centered but does dislike & disapprove of me & has even before she met me at our wedding. DH thinks she's cracked & ignores her. I'm pleasant when we see her (rarely) & forget about her the rest of the time.

Have your wedding your way, with confidence. You will remember the good parts in years to come & her "contributions" will fade in importance.

--- Laurie

 

[momhappy]

Niel, I'm really sorry. I'm not sure I have the right advice to offer in light of everything!

Do you really want to marry into this family? That's a horrible thing to ask, but a realistic question. His mom and sister seem awfully difficult, and that won't ever change.

You're young. You can still change your mind.

I admit I haven't read through this thread I don't agree with this on the face of it. My dh has a very difficult family (though I will say they are so much better now 15 years later but that's because of how we handled it all) and if I went by the above advice I would have missed out on being with my soul mate. The love of my life.

It's all how you deal with the family as a team. You and your dh are the 2 most important people in your relationship. In fact the only people who really matter in your relationship. Don't give haters any power over you and your dh. Be strong and just be polite but firm. Do what you want to do, what you feel is the right/best thing to do and carry on. You cannot control other people but you can control your reaction to them. If family members are acting hateful,childish or with maliciousness no need to cater to them. As I wrote only 2 people truly matter in your marriage and what consideration you give to others is entirely within your control as the team unit you are.

When my dh proposed my father asked me if I really wanted to marry into his family as they were a bit hateful towards me, especially my dh's SIL-no exaggeration. And I knew in my heart that it just didn't matter. My dh had always shown me that I came first and that is the critical point. Make sure your FI/dh understands that and feels that in his heart and then the 2 of you will be OK. However if he doesn't "get" that then and only then would I truly caution you.

Good luck Niel. While I know couples cannot operate in a vacuum there is more in your control than you realize if you take that power. Don't give it to others and don't allow others to affect your well being and health as a couple. No matter the tradition families do not have the right to control your life and happiness. That is up to you and your dh.

Oh yes I'm quite sure I want to marry him. I love him. I love our little family. I love a few people in his famil; his brother, uncle, dad....my family also loves him.

When we were first dating I about left him because his sister tried to break us up and was even more outwardly mean than she is now. But I decided to take the really feast with the really terrible.

I think if it continues this way my FI wouldn't hesitate to just ignore her. The only real reason he doesn't now is she lives with her mom. She always talk about moving cross country. I'm just hoping one day she does it.

I agree Niel. I was really shocked by some of the responses in this thread (in regards to reconsidering marrying the man you love). This situation, although irritating, certainly does not seem like grounds to reconsider your entire relationship/marriage It left me wondering if people expect perfection when it comes to relationships/marriage? Every relationship has issues of one sort or another and yours just happens to come in the form of a SIL. I suspect that you may always have issues with her and that's okay as long as you and fiancé can find ways to deal with them effectively. It seems that you coming here to vent about SIL has maybe given some people the wrong impression - or maybe it's just that I can relate to having a hideous SIL

 

[Smith1942]

Niel, I'm so sorry that your MIL sides with her. However, she surely can't be completely blind to her daughter's behaviour. I do wonder if she sides with your SIL outwardly due to her natural maternal loyalty, but knows underneath that her daughter can be a really spoilt so-and-so.

I'm curious to know how she interacts with your daughter, who is, after all, her niece. I think what she said when you announced your pregnancy was unforgiveable.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my own SIL horror story, in order to distract you from your troubles! Lots of people have bad SILs, but ours has cost the family at least half a million dollars.

I'm only 38, but my SIL is almost 60. My husband is the youngest child of the last marriage of a STRING of marriages on my late FIL's part, resulting in half-siblings who are much older.

SIL received an inheritance well into six figures, and blew the entire lot. Every single penny. When she was 38, she decided that she wanted a child, so she went out and shagged a married man. The family then had to bring up the child, a daughter who is now 22 and delightful. However, SIL refused to work, so my husband's brother had to buy her a flat in a nice town in Massachusetts, where she still lives. They pay the bills, and bought the flat for cash. The reason they did this is for the sake of the child.

They then said they were not doing anything else - understandably! So, my husband and I put our niece through college, and also paid for her to go away to a private military boarding school age 14-18. Totally her choice - she is in the Air Force now, has always wanted to be in the military, and was desperate to get away from her toxic mother.

So, with the wasted inheritance, the cost of the flat, the schooling for SIL's daughter and ALL the other related expenses - I've just paid for some dental surgery for my niece and some new tyres for her car, which is fine as she has only JUST graduated and it takes a bit of time to get on your feet, in her new job in the Air Force - but all told, my SIL has cost our family a minimum of half a million dollars, probably more like 750k. I have no idea what we've spent due to her.

I have always felt desperately sorry for my niece. She has no father, no siblings, and a crazy toxic mother whose latest trick is ripping up her daughter's baby photos. I am so happy that we could help her. But, the fact remains that her mother abdicated all responsibility, meaning that huge sums of family money were spent, that really shouldn't have had to be spent.

We rarely see my SIL and she is not a problem day-to-day. But she's made her presence felt in our wallets, hell yes.

So you see, at least your SIL isn't doing you out of huge sums of money! That's always something to be grateful for!!!

(Some would say the family should have let my SIL sink, which much of me agrees with, but the reason we couldn't do that is because her child would have suffered terribly. We helped because of the child, so please no replies saying "You should have let her live on the street!" etc etc. We protected the innocent in all this!)

I do feel for you, though, Niel. At my age, with years of earning power left ahead of me, I have quite a laid-back attitude to money, that it can always be replaced and there's plenty more where that came from (unlike wasted time which you can't get back) so really, I actually don't mind very much about the money spent due to my SIL's refusal to work or bring up her daughter. There's enough to go round. But if I had someone living close by and sniping at me whenever I saw them, I would find the stress of that really difficult to deal with. I wish I had a solution for you. The only thing I can think of is to let your FI handle it all as much as possible.

 

[House Cat]

Looking into this situation (and the others you've described before) a little deeper, I see that the FSIL is controlling everyone around her with her histrionics, including you. Each time she gets a rise out of you or her brother, she gets exactly what she wants/needs.


I do believe that if you respond to her next drama in a calm and cool manner and remain calm, she will explode elsewhere. If the others choose to engage, that is THEIR problem. Don't engage with them either. Allow all of THEM to orbit around her and create your own universe.

Eventually, she will no longer see you as a target, but it will take some time.

 

[movie zombie]

Looking into this situation (and the others you've described before) a little deeper, I see that the FSIL is controlling everyone around her with her histrionics, including you. Each time she gets a rise out of you or her brother, she gets exactly what she wants/needs.


I do believe that if you respond to her next drama in a calm and cool manner and remain calm, she will explode elsewhere. If the others choose to engage, that is THEIR problem. Don't engage with them either. Allow all of THEM to orbit around her and create your own universe.

Eventually, she will no longer see you as a target, but it will take some time.

QFT.
engaging her means she's still getting the attention/is the center of the universe.
so what if the family thinks Niel is rude?! they already think that.
nothing to lose and everything to gain with a "nice to hear from you, let's chat another day" and hanging up on conversations. let the fiancé handle the conversations that have to be addressed. a simple " [insert name] is handling all the details on that so you'll need to contact him. nice chatting. bye.".

 

[minousbijoux]

Looking into this situation (and the others you've described before) a little deeper, I see that the FSIL is controlling everyone around her with her histrionics, including you. Each time she gets a rise out of you or her brother, she gets exactly what she wants/needs.


I do believe that if you respond to her next drama in a calm and cool manner and remain calm, she will explode elsewhere. If the others choose to engage, that is THEIR problem. Don't engage with them either. Allow all of THEM to orbit around her and create your own universe.

Eventually, she will no longer see you as a target, but it will take some time.

QFT.
engaging her means she's still getting the attention/is the center of the universe.
so what if the family thinks Niel is rude?! they already think that.
nothing to lose and everything to gain with a "nice to hear from you, let's chat another day" and hanging up on conversations. let the fiancé handle the conversations that have to be addressed. a simple " [insert name] is handling all the details on that so you'll need to contact him. nice chatting. bye.".

Perfect. Could not agree more!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Looking into this situation (and the others you've described before) a little deeper, I see that the FSIL is controlling everyone around her with her histrionics, including you. Each time she gets a rise out of you or her brother, she gets exactly what she wants/needs.


I do believe that if you respond to her next drama in a calm and cool manner and remain calm, she will explode elsewhere. If the others choose to engage, that is THEIR problem. Don't engage with them either. Allow all of THEM to orbit around her and create your own universe.

Eventually, she will no longer see you as a target, but it will take some time.

QFT.
engaging her means she's still getting the attention/is the center of the universe.
so what if the family thinks Niel is rude?! they already think that.
nothing to lose and everything to gain with a "nice to hear from you, let's chat another day" and hanging up on conversations. let the fiancé handle the conversations that have to be addressed. a simple " [insert name] is handling all the details on that so you'll need to contact him. nice chatting. bye.".

Perfect. Could not agree more!

Ditto. FI can decide how he wants to handle being called "whipped" by his mother

 

[KaeKae]

Agreeing with the last few posts. FSiL is what we call an Attention W&*^%. She hates when any one beside her is the center of attention, so she creates drama that makes her the center. She hated that you were dating her brother, getting his attention. She hated when you announced your pregnancy, more attention for you, then the baby. She hates that your are getting married, because the bride gets all the attention. So, she fights you all the way.

If I remember correctly, when she didn't like the BM dress, you did a good job dealing, by just getting the dress for her (and in an appropriate size, which was just another call for attention.) Now there is this party. You'll be the center again, she hates that, so she's fighting it, down to the date chosen. Tell her the date, location and time, then tell her you 'understand' she has a previous commitment (even if it really isn't a commitment,) so you understand if she just cannot go to both. If you are really nice, tell her she'll be missed, but again, you understand. (but I don't know if I would be able to choke that one out.)

I'll keep my fingers crossed that she really does move across the country, sooner, rather than later.

 

[distracts]

Looking into this situation (and the others you've described before) a little deeper, I see that the FSIL is controlling everyone around her with her histrionics, including you. Each time she gets a rise out of you or her brother, she gets exactly what she wants/needs.


I do believe that if you respond to her next drama in a calm and cool manner and remain calm, she will explode elsewhere. If the others choose to engage, that is THEIR problem. Don't engage with them either. Allow all of THEM to orbit around her and create your own universe.

Eventually, she will no longer see you as a target, but it will take some time.

QFT.
engaging her means she's still getting the attention/is the center of the universe.
so what if the family thinks Niel is rude?! they already think that.
nothing to lose and everything to gain with a "nice to hear from you, let's chat another day" and hanging up on conversations. let the fiancé handle the conversations that have to be addressed. a simple " [insert name] is handling all the details on that so you'll need to contact him. nice chatting. bye.".

Yep. And all relationship guides/counselors I have EVER seen or heard of say that most of the time, and especially when there is trouble, the partner whose family it is needs to be the sole one dealing with that family. It is EASY for them to hate you, since you are not related, and much less easy for them to hate him. Everything you guys ever decide needs to come from him, presented as his decision, with you only vaguely in the picture.

I understand. I have a difficult set of inlaws. Whenever they come to me for anything, my answer, one hundred percent of the time, is "I don't know, you'll have to talk to Husband." Now, that's easier for me since they live across the country. It's easier for them to understand that they can't piss off husband or he'll cut them off, since he went much of his adult life so far without talking to them because they were so toxic. (Honestly, I'm not sure why he talks to them now, even. They don't seem considerably worse than your SIL - I hear they have SIGNIFICANTLY mellowed over time, but I wouldn't be able to put up with the guilt trips and nonsense they spew.) They know that if they upset him too much, it's easy for him to go six months without talking to them. Because, like someone upthread said, when you're dealing with someone who acts like a child, you have to treat them like a child and put them in time-out when they won't behave like a normal person. But your fiance has to do that - it means nothing coming from you.

If MIL keeps telling your fiance he's getting in the middle of things and he's whipped, he needs to tell her that SHE and SIL need to stop getting in the middle of YOUR marriage, and that for the next month she and SIL are unwelcome at your house and not welcome to visit with your daughter. If she protests, add more time. If she throws a fit, add more time. You've got to train the crazies. You can't treat them like normal people with normal social skills because they're not.

 

[movie zombie]

[quote="distracts|1379376511|3521985].............. You've got to train the crazies. You can't treat them like normal people with normal social skills because they're not.[/quote]


and this is signature worthy!!!!

 

[msop04]

You've got to train the crazies. You can't treat them like normal people with normal social skills because they're not.

and this is signature worthy!!!![/quote][/quote]

+1

Can't wait to use this IRL!!!

 

[iLander]

Why do people even fret about this stuff?

Tell her tough shit, it's your wedding, and that's the day is event is scheduled.

End of story, no more discussion. If she says she can't attend the wedding, just say "that's your decision" and leave it at that.

It's like trying to talk to a two-year-old having a tantrum. Why bother?

I feel sorry for whatever fool she talks into marrying her . . .

 

[movie zombie]

love you, iLander: so practical and my style exactly!

 

[Smith1942]

You've got to train the crazies. You can't treat them like normal people with normal social skills because they're not.

and this is signature worthy!!!!

[/quote]

+1

Can't wait to use this IRL!!! [/quote]


Absolutely brilliant!

 

[House Cat]

I didn't know the FMIL was also treating you poorly. This is a very sad to see that these major feminine roles in his life behave in this manner. His mother calls him "whipped" as a means to regain control over him. The two of these women are trying to reestablish the status quo.

I was in a situation rather similar to this one. I didn't handle it well. Each time the fire was lit, I jumped into the pan. I got burned every.single.time. Looking back, I wish I would have handled myself with dignity and respect. I didn't know how. I wish I would have asked wise people for help and advice. I didn't realize how formidable my opponent was! If I had, I would have bowed out of that fight and gained many years of peace and happiness.

Bowing out isn't giving up, it is just regaining balance in your own life. Fighting people like your MIL and SIL means an incredible loss of self. Your FH will handle all of this best. You, on the other hand, will always lose if you choose to fight.

 

[movie zombie]

some lessons are only learned over time, House. I think it was good of you to share your experience. I hope things are better for you now.

 

[momma2boys]

Why do people even fret about this stuff?

Tell her tough shit, it's your wedding, and that's the day is event is scheduled.

End of story, no more discussion. If she says she can't attend the wedding, just say "that's your decision" and leave it at that.

It's like trying to talk to a two-year-old having a tantrum. Why bother?

I feel sorry for whatever fool she talks into marrying her . . .

I think it's a very gray area. Regardless of how immature and awful her FSIL is and has been acting toward her, and with the way the mom can be as well, the last thing you want to do is ruffle any feathers with your FH's family. But at the same time, you're dealing with very unreasonable and selfish people, so I can imagine how tough it would be to find that balance - the balance of being happy yourself, in your relationship, and within the family despite the negative impact that they can have on you.

 

[rainwood]

House Cat's posts (all of them) are absolutely spot on. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your FSIL is going to act like a drama queen because that's what she always does. Your FMIL is going to take her side because that's what she always does. There's no point trying to change that dynamic because it's been solidly entrenched for years.

The one other thing I'd add is don't kick her out of the wedding party. That would be like handling a gallon of gas and a blow torch to an arsonist. She would spend all of her time at every wedding-related event telling anyone who would listen about how her evil SIL kicked her out of the wedding party. Don't give her the satisfaction.

 

[Niel]

House Cat's posts (all of them) are absolutely spot on. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your FSIL is going to act like a drama queen because that's what she always does. Your FMIL is going to take her side because that's what she always does. There's no point trying to change that dynamic because it's been solidly entrenched for years.

The one other thing I'd add is don't kick her out of the wedding party. That would be like handling a gallon of gas and a blow torch to an arsonist. She would spend all of her time at every wedding-related event telling anyone who would listen about how her evil SIL kicked her out of the wedding party. Don't give her the satisfaction.

this is specifically why we didnt kick her out. We told her basically she needs to be loving and supportive and if she cant SHE needs to decide what role she wants to play in this wedding. My FI told her that

She responded with. "of course i want to be in your wedding your my brother, but youve changed and i feel like i dont even know you anymore

he just told her he wasnt taking her guilt drip.

but anywho... I appreciate all the responses but as she is annoying the heck out of me, i was just tired of talking about it. I got an apology, but only because fi told his mother that if she expects to stay in the wedding she need to play ball, starting with an apology to me.

my apology went about like this "sorry for the way i reacted about your B party. I could and should have and could have handled it better. i let my frustration and hurt get the best of me "

Well i would have wanted an apology for all the names and hurtful things she said. Didnt get one. Didnt expect one. Also her apology turned into a remark about how i hurt her.... I can only assume by picking out my own bridesmaid dresses, deciding on color of shoe, and picking my own bachelorette party.

oh well. I said thanks I appreciate it, and left it at that.

 

[House Cat]

some lessons are only learned over time, House. I think it was good of you to share your experience. I hope things are better for you now.

Thanks MZ. Your words help to reinforce what I tell myself. Time really does heal.

 

[pregcurious]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have an in-law who is so selfish and who I find quite disgusting. For example, she thinks nothing of making fun of how a deaf person signs. Luckily, my husband feels the same as your FI. Unlike your FI, however, he feels he is unable to do anything about it as it will just make the person more crazy.

My advice is to just keep her away from you and your family as much as you can. Just know that she is annoying to everyone and that sooner or later, she will get into it with someone who will lay the smack down (assuming you don't want too. I don't recommend it as you'll feel bad because you're actually a nice person.)

 

[autumngems]

If she isn't dressed as you asked then she doesn't go down the aisle, simple as that, if your off by a bridesmaid, oh well your day will be what YOU want it to be, not what SHE wanted to make it.

 

[Niel]

Now I think she's just toying with me. She bought "gold shoes " I asked her to show me them. She kept declining to send me pics. She waited until I was with her and her mother to show me. They are bronze of course. But what do I care. I told her they were perfect. I can't micro manage crazy, so let her wear her old lady bronze shoes. fuuuuuuudge i m over this wedding.

 

[House Cat]

Now I think she's just toying with me. She bought "gold shoes " I asked her to show me them. She kept declining to send me pics. She waited until I was with her and her mother to show me. They are bronze of course. But what do I care. I told her they were perfect. I can't micro manage crazy, so let her wear her old lady bronze shoes. fuuuuuuudge i m over this wedding.

Just remember, they will continually change the rules on you to their little game.


As long as you refuse to play, you win.

You're doing a great job. Besides, no one is prettier than the bride!

 

[nowicanseethemoon]

Boo. I am continually amazed by the sheer number of crazy people in the world (and I know I shouldn't be). I think you're doing all you can do by rising above and not engaging her. You don't want to give her more power or let her know she gets to you - it makes her entirely too important and she just isn't. And don't forget, at the end of all of this you'll be married to your wonderful fiancé and she'll still be a raving lunatic. There's poetry and satisfaction in that.

 

[junebug17]

Now I think she's just toying with me. She bought "gold shoes " I asked her to show me them. She kept declining to send me pics. She waited until I was with her and her mother to show me. They are bronze of course. But what do I care. I told her they were perfect. I can't micro manage crazy, so let her wear her old lady bronze shoes. fuuuuuuudge i m over this wedding.

Good for you Niel, I think you handled it really well. Everyone will be looking at you anyway, so nobody is going to even notice her old lady shoes!