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For those of us with setting commitment issues...

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Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 8, 2005
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40,198
My name is gypsy, and I''m unable to commit to a setting.

Let''s see if we can help each other out with our commitment issues.

Okay... here''s my problem in a nutshell.

I haven''t seen anything in a store-- already there in person-- in a price range I can afford that I LOVE that is made for my ring, or can be made for my ring without going custom. Actually, even OUT of my price range I don''t think I have found "it."

I''m afraid of going custom unless its with Mark Morrel or Leon Mage... but can''t afford either of those right now. And even if I COULD afford either right now... I wouldn''t be able to choose between Mark''s incredible fluid style and heart prongs or Leon''s pave brilliance and double claw prongs.

I could go custom... but both settings I''ve "loved" I didn''t like for MY stone. The baguette halo I didn''t like with a white center... loved it for color centers. And the ''Contender" from Joe Escrobar would ahve made my very square asscher (1.00 ratio) look rectangular because of the halo to stone ratio once the setting was scaled down for my asscher...(thank you Irina for your photoshop magic that made me able to avoid an EXPENSIVE mistake). So now I''m afraid that anything that I have to scale to size and can''t see in person is going to dissapoint me.

AND this has to be my ''forever'' setting. This is it folks. And well... I want it to be perfect.

SO... that''s my problem.

What''s yours... IN DETAIL ladies...

And lets see if we can help each other out.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
I don''t know if you want input from folks w/o committment issues too ... so, feel free to ignore this if ya don''t.


1. I think you''re putting too much pressure on yourself with words like "perfect" and "forever"

2. Is it the setting, or the stone? Really.

Throttle me if you will -- but I think you need to "get real" w/yourself & admit that Asschers are just too tricky to set for you to ever feel like it''s "perfect" and big enough & that will make you love it "forever". It''s too much to ask of a setting to make you love a stone you don''t.

And I don''t mean that you don''t love your e-ring stone ... I mean you don''t love Asschers. Not in that size. Not for your e-ring. You love the gift & the thought & the heart & everything else but "the look" ... and no setting is gonna fix that IMO.

What would you get if you could start over?
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,749
I''ll bite...I have an e-ring and a wedding ring I really did not pick out. At the time of my impending engagement, I just told my DH to put his budget entirely into the center stone, and we knew we''d go choose WBs later. He proposed with my 1.5 RB set in a plain plat. 2 mm setting, which is obviously the jeweler''s stock setting as it has a head that is just set into this weird notch in the shank of the ring. It''s totally utilitarian and I''ve always disliked it, but I have the toughest time looking at settings and making a decision as far as what I would want to wear the rest of my life. My WB I kind of got talked into by our jeweler
, don''t get me wrong, I like the guy and he has really been knowledgeable and given us very fair prices by PS standards on every purchase (including the e-ring) DH has made there. However, when we shopped for WBs I told him I was looking for something vintage-looking and since he didn''t have anything in the case that was even close, he talked me into a band comprised of two rows of invisible set princess stones. It''s beautiful and I receive many compliments on it, and it''s great to wear alone sometimes, but I just don''t love it.

So I''ve been back to that jeweler with DH and seen some options for my e-ring that might make it at least go better with my WB (such as invisible set princesses on the shank of my e-ring), but a big part of me would rather just have my rings totally re-done in such a way that would make me really, really love them. There are a few other things on my must-have jewelry list, though, so the rings re-do project is kind of on the back burner for now. But I''m always getting great ideas from browsing PS!

Gyspy, I don''t know what to tell you about your commitment issue with the ring...it seems like you''re the kind of person who has to test drive quite a few things to find the one that''s right for you, and there is nothing wrong with that. I''m not a test driver, but definitely an obsessive researcher, so I somewhat understand. It does sound like you really would rather have a designer setting (mege, morrell)...is it possible you could wait a few years until you could afford your dream setting?
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 27, 2005
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3,858
Wow, Deco, you took the words right out of my, uh....brain! You articulated what I''ve been thinking for awhile but haven''t found the right words to say. Thanks!

Gypsy, sorry you''re dealing with the frustration of these commitment issues. But I really do believe that if you love a stone enough, finding the right setting for it should not be *that* hard. I actually really like the setting it''s currently in. It''s simple, elegant, and timeless. It''s the best possible type of setting to have if you haven''t yet found one that you''re in love with. I agree with Deco, you''re putting too much pressure on yourself to make this e-ring something it may not ever be, in YOUR eyes. In your past posts and in person, you''ve said that the size of your stone is a sticking point. Unless it''s in some type of halo, I think the look and size of your stone will always be what it is. You say you would love a MM or Mege setting....they ARE within your reach, just perhaps not right now. And that''s OK. I would advise saving your pennies and leaving your stone in it''s current classic setting until you can afford a custom setting. Don''t pressure yourself into getting something "perfect" and "forever" right now. Keep in mind that many people wait years before they get a ring that they are finally happy with.

That said, though, I think I know how you''re feeling. There''s that pressing urge to get married with a ring that you absolutely adore...that''s a natural feeling of course. That''s the reason why I switched out my original stone from its simple solitaire into its current Tacori setting, 7 months before we got married. But in your case, my hunch is telling me that it''s not the ring, it''s the stone that is really bothering you. Remember that you have many, many anniversaries in your future and well...that''s what "honkin'' anniversary rings" are for!
 

movie zombie

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Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
oh, geez, it was hell....and more. what if i made the wrong decision? this was/is to be my forever e-ring. nothing quite worked as ''me'' and then when i got the spess it was just as bad even worse. it took from april of 2005 until december of 2005 to commit and even then i wasn''t sure i made the right decision. i finally just had to let go and hope for the best. buyers'' remorse just like with real estate.

during that time i had at least defined my style, what i was looking for even if i couldn''t find it or a vendor/jeweler who shared my vision much less could bring it into reality. i could only describe in words what i was looking for and point out in another ring what it was that i liked about that particular ring and what i wouldn''t want as an e-ring.

i got lucky and FINALLY found someone who immediately understood what i was saying and was able to sketch out the design based on my ideas. and i was still nervous! what if i''d made a mistake about what i wanted? that''s why i just had to let go.

i decided immediately when i saw the spess that i wanted it...and that was taken care of within days of seeing it. but setting it?! i don''t want to go through that again. however, having done it, i''m contemplating something else and i think i''ve learned that the right answer isn''t always obvious but working with the right person who can ''see'' what i''m saying is. trust your gut when checking out people to make a custom setting...you''ll know if they share your vision or not.

in hindsight i''m glad i took as long as i did to commit because i think it helped to make sure i got what i really wanted. i''d have liked to have been wearing the ring sooner but not at the expense of not loving my ring.

good luck!

movie zombie

ps in reading this over i find i''ve rambled a bit....the mere idea of reliving those months of indecision appears to have rattled me a bit.
 

Cehrabehra

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11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 12:17:58 AM
Author: decodelighted
I don''t know if you want input from folks w/o committment issues too ... so, feel free to ignore this if ya don''t.


1. I think you''re putting too much pressure on yourself with words like ''perfect'' and ''forever''

2. Is it the setting, or the stone? Really.

Throttle me if you will -- but I think you need to ''get real'' w/yourself & admit that Asschers are just too tricky to set for you to ever feel like it''s ''perfect'' and big enough & that will make you love it ''forever''. It''s too much to ask of a setting to make you love a stone you don''t.

And I don''t mean that you don''t love your e-ring stone ... I mean you don''t love Asschers. Not in that size. Not for your e-ring. You love the gift & the thought & the heart & everything else but ''the look'' ... and no setting is gonna fix that IMO.

What would you get if you could start over?
I disagree with all of this... but I value you so take it with salt LOL
s
First, it doesn''t matter if she could start over because she can''t so why entertain it?
Second, perfect is out there, she just hasn''t found it.... perfect isn''t "perfect" but perfect for her.... once it all *clicks* then the ring will be her forever "engagement ring" whether she gets other rings in the future or not.... and once all of it clicks then it is easy to accept something is forever.

Actually she and I are in quite the same boat here... I have a forever stone that needs a forever setting and yes it is a big decision, but that doesn''t mean we want to cut corners to get out of it even if it does occasaionally stress us out LOL I can''t speak for gypsy but the pressure is a combination of excitement and fear - not really dread... of course I know what I want I''m just afraid to trust anyone with it lol
 

Cehrabehra

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Joined
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11,071
hey gypsy :)

Let''s break it down a bit..... that''s what I''ve done with my design and it has helped me soooo much. I''ve looked at so many rings both online and in person and I know TONS about what I don''t want and really that''s a big step! I''ve found some rings I can refer to but mostly I''ve been thinking in my head - okay..... what is my dream shank? Does it have diamonds or is it a plain band? Where would the diamonds be? Is it shiny or matte? Does it have a cathedral or semi-cath? Is it set high or low to the finger? Does it have a halo of some sort?

I mean... rather than just looking for a whole ring that you love, can you break it down? Is there anything that you''re certain of? Like for my ring I''m *certain* I want a reflective bowl.... I''m certain I want 8 prongs at the UGF junctions..... I''m certain I want a three part band, two with 45* angle melee and the middle one with matte finish.... what I''m not certain about is how the shank and head will connect... or how the prongs will come into the head.... I love the original design the other woman was doing but because of the issues of connecting shank/head I also have come up with other ideas (same basic ring) and really want to discuss it with a jeweler to come up with the final plan.

Can you break down the ring to anything you''re *certain* about? Are you *certain* you want a 2mm band for example? Are you certain you want melee? Let''s start with what you DO know and work into what you don''t :)
 

Cehrabehra

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Joined
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Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 12:49:10 AM
Author: movie zombie
oh, geez, it was hell....and more. what if i made the wrong decision? this was/is to be my forever e-ring. nothing quite worked as ''me'' and then when i got the spess it was just as bad even worse. it took from april of 2005 until december of 2005 to commit and even then i wasn''t sure i made the right decision. i finally just had to let go and hope for the best. buyers'' remorse just like with real estate.

during that time i had at least defined my style, what i was looking for even if i couldn''t find it or a vendor/jeweler who shared my vision much less could bring it into reality. i could only describe in words what i was looking for and point out in another ring what it was that i liked about that particular ring and what i wouldn''t want as an e-ring.

i got lucky and FINALLY found someone who immediately understood what i was saying and was able to sketch out the design based on my ideas. and i was still nervous! what if i''d made a mistake about what i wanted? that''s why i just had to let go.

i decided immediately when i saw the spess that i wanted it...and that was taken care of within days of seeing it. but setting it?! i don''t want to go through that again. however, having done it, i''m contemplating something else and i think i''ve learned that the right answer isn''t always obvious but working with the right person who can ''see'' what i''m saying is. trust your gut when checking out people to make a custom setting...you''ll know if they share your vision or not.

in hindsight i''m glad i took as long as i did to commit because i think it helped to make sure i got what i really wanted. i''d have liked to have been wearing the ring sooner but not at the expense of not loving my ring.

good luck!

movie zombie

ps in reading this over i find i''ve rambled a bit....the mere idea of reliving those months of indecision appears to have rattled me a bit.
ramble shmamble LOL you are awesome!!! you have articulated so well what I''ve been feeling!!!! What else does your magic 8 ball say??? LOL!!!
 

Mara

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Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
deco you hit the nail on the head with encapsulating what i think about having setting committment issues. we sometimes see people on here take months to figure out what they want in a setting...it's often more agonizing than finding the stone! and at times mentally painful for more than just the buyer sometimes...haha.

honestly i do recall how hard it was for me to choose a setting, thankfully greg stepped in and was like 'okay we like this right?' okay we're getting this...he was like you will drive yourself crazy if you keep up with trying to put such pressure on yourself, it's time to make a decision that we both feel okay with.

i totally agree re the perfect forever setting, what pressure...!!! what really IS the perfect setting? who knows what you will think is perfect in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years! i can almost guarantee that this setting i have now is not my perfect setting and probably not my forever setting, but you can't really know that when you are buying...and there are all these things you might find AFTER you end up with your setting. it's unfortunate but tastes change and a few years after you get something you might not like it as much OR think about what you might want to do differently if you did it again. it might even just be minor changes. what will happen then? the world doesn't end. you still wear it. and you probably still love it, most of the time. i think if you got past the whole 'has to be the perfect forever setting' then it might be a little easier. what about the perfect for right now setting? it might turn out to be a long-term perfect. or not.
 

galeteia

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,794
Date: 1/31/2007 1:44:23 AM
Author: Mara

i can almost guarantee that this setting i have now is not my perfect setting and probably not my forever setting, but you can''t really know that when you are buying...and there are all these things you might find AFTER you end up with your setting. it''s unfortunate but tastes change and a few years after you get something you might not like it as much OR think about what you might want to do differently if you did it again. it might even just be minor changes. what will happen then? the world doesn''t end. you still wear it. and you probably still love it, most of the time. i think if you got past the whole ''has to be the perfect forever setting'' then it might be a little easier. what about the perfect for right now setting? it might turn out to be a long-term perfect. or not.
However, for some of us it will be the ''forever'' setting, with no option to upgrade or change the setting in the future. I am assuming that if I get mugged, my ring needs to be cut off my finger, or it becomes irreparably damaged somehow, FF would be willing to get a new setting. Barring that, I will be wearing my original wedding set. He has made it clear that this ring will be The Ring. (I get to pick it out, and he gets to pay for it. I suppose it''s only fair that he be allowed some choice in the matter!)

It makes sense as the women in his family all wear/wore their original weddings sets, regardless of their financial ability to upgrade. (I imagine his mother could have nabbed herself a truly blingy 25th or 30th anniversary set, but that''s not in their belief structure.)

And I''m fine with that. I''m very sentimental by nature and wouldn''t attach the same meaning to my e-ring''s ''replacement''. In our case, that means we will be married (legally) without The Ring and waiting until we can afford to get The Ring. That''s okay with me too; I''d rather have what I really wanted than ''settle'' for something that I was always vaguely dissatisfied with. But that''s just me.

Now I just have to figure out *what* exactly it is that I want, so I feel your pain, Gypsy!

P.S. I don''t have any kind of opinion on what other people do with their e-rings, so I emphatically don''t want to imply that just because I personally plan to wear my original e-ring that I therefore think everyone else should do the same!
 

sunshine14

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 2, 2005
Messages
247
Prior to now, I flipped back and forth over MANY settings, to the point where my bf almost went berzerk! He wanted me to settle on on for good and just tell him. But I definitely felt this pressure to pick the illusive ''forever'' setting and it was making me mental!

Eventually the solution we came to was that I was going to pay for the setting. My bf couldn''t imagine him picking everything and then me ''upgrading'' it, and I couldn''t imagine picking something forEVER...it was just too stressful! So now, I can pick something comfortably that I love without the stress!

Definitely not for everyone...but it certainly helped me get through this!

Good luck!!
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 1/31/2007 1:44:23 AM
Author: Mara
i totally agree re the perfect forever setting, what pressure...!!! what really IS the perfect setting? who knows what you will think is perfect in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years!
I know exactly what will be the perfect setting in 5, 10, 50 years - because it will be the one I have. I am not into being trendy about my wedding rings, and whatever I choose will only get MORE perfect in time, not less. Because what is perfect to me isn''t based on what is popular or what I think is pretty right *now*, it is because there is an ongoing love affair with these rings that builds with time. Maybe it will take me 6 months instead of one to figure out exactly how to get what I want, but in return I won''t be wondering how I can change it out for something newer better more perfect in a few years.
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 1/31/2007 2:44:43 AM
Author: Galateia

However, for some of us it will be the ''forever'' setting, with no option to upgrade or change the setting in the future. I am assuming that if I get mugged, my ring needs to be cut off my finger, or it becomes irreparably damaged somehow, FF would be willing to get a new setting. Barring that, I will be wearing my original wedding set. He has made it clear that this ring will be The Ring. (I get to pick it out, and he gets to pay for it. I suppose it''s only fair that he be allowed some choice in the matter!)

It makes sense as the women in his family all wear/wore their original weddings sets, regardless of their financial ability to upgrade. (I imagine his mother could have nabbed herself a truly blingy 25th or 30th anniversary set, but that''s not in their belief structure.)

And I''m fine with that. I''m very sentimental by nature and wouldn''t attach the same meaning to my e-ring''s ''replacement''. In our case, that means we will be married (legally) without The Ring and waiting until we can afford to get The Ring. That''s okay with me too; I''d rather have what I really wanted than ''settle'' for something that I was always vaguely dissatisfied with. But that''s just me.

Now I just have to figure out *what* exactly it is that I want, so I feel your pain, Gypsy!

P.S. I don''t have any kind of opinion on what other people do with their e-rings, so I emphatically don''t want to imply that just because I personally plan to wear my original e-ring that I therefore think everyone else should do the same!
I feel the way your ff''s family does but not because of pressure..... I''m just so dang sappy!! This ring means a lot and when my husband gives it to me all of the emotions of waiting for 15 years (by then 16 lol) will be infused into the ring and that moment in time, that culmination of years, will be part of that ring forever. I might want *another* ring for something else to commemerate different emotions or whatever, but this just simply is what it is and I don''t WANT to change it out for fashion!!

I think the best way to encourage this thread is to talk about what we *want* rather than yet another butt kicking session where we''re told to get off the pot and make a choice already. If we just wanted something - anything - we''d have it by now!! Most of the rings I see are gorgeous... so it isn''t a matter of not being able to find a pretty ring... it''s a matter of what do *I* want this to be? Well I''m ahead of the game since I do know what I want, and as for maybe I''m nervous because it''s too complicated.... it isn''t complicated... it''s just unusual.

I think that when you''re choosing a ring that will last for 30 years you have three choices.... one is you go with something extremely classic like a tiffany replica. Those will never go out of style and your ring will never be dated. Two is you go with something trendy and accept that wearing it will date you and take that on with *pride* because in 20 years you''ll look like you''ve been married 20 years! Three is choosing something unique that doesn''t date you but isn''t classic. But no matter which way you go - if you go with something you love now - really really love - you are likely to continue that love affair for a lifetime :) I''ve not tired of my plain gold band in 15 years and I''ve not grown out of my channel set gold anniversary band in 13 either.
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 1/31/2007 10:13:13 AM
Author: sunshine14
Prior to now, I flipped back and forth over MANY settings, to the point where my bf almost went berzerk! He wanted me to settle on on for good and just tell him. But I definitely felt this pressure to pick the illusive ''forever'' setting and it was making me mental!

Eventually the solution we came to was that I was going to pay for the setting. My bf couldn''t imagine him picking everything and then me ''upgrading'' it, and I couldn''t imagine picking something forEVER...it was just too stressful! So now, I can pick something comfortably that I love without the stress!

Definitely not for everyone...but it certainly helped me get through this!

Good luck!!
in all honesty I tried this... I tried to get my husband to agree to a $150 temp setting but he won''t go for it LOL Having a $4000 temp setting he would REALLY not go for LOL He wants it done but not at the expense of a do-over lol
 

Mara

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haha cehra well honestly if you are soooo sappy and sentimental then why are you even getting a new ring in the first place?
just curious!

gala, i can totally understand wanting to find the one right off the bat rather than wondering a few years or 10 years later if you made the right choice. i am just saying that having been there and done that with setting agony for a month...i surely wasn't thinking i'd change my setting out as we were buying it. it was going to be the one. but honestly stuff just changes just like people can change. greg doesn't like the idea of me switching it out...and i can totally respect that so i probably won't for a while (and i'm kind of too lazy mentally...) , but maybe on year 10 he might go 'hey lets get you a new setting (to go with your new honking 5c rock? HAH)'...who knows. people change through life and honestly i just don't like to put that kind of intense pressure on anything in my life...forever, perfect, whatever. how about 'i like it a whole darn lot and it looks good on my paw' and sometimes that's enough.
i also realized i liked so many different elements in rings and also periods and making a hodgepodge collection into one ring probably wouldn't have looked right 'for me' at the time. so what i got was a great classic in our opinion and it was unique yet not too showy and it looks nice on my hand.

i also think for some people the search is more fun than the actual realization and i think we have a few of those types on here too. so taking 6 months or a year or whatever while talking about it all the time a huge part of the draw and it occupies a space in their life. i think it also gives them a mental justification for hanging out on PS so much!! not like one is needed of course, i mean gosh look at me... year 4 and i have no projects planned right now. whatever floats everyone's boats. i just like seeing the finished eye candy. and bottom line of course is if it's NOT fun then it shouldn't be done. so as long as it's fun, have at it!

OH...and come on, would a butt kicking really even help? No!
 

sumbride

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Feb 17, 2006
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You know... I can''t see any setting as "permanent" in my mind because would I still wear the same shoes in 10 years? carry the same purse? cut my hair the same? Then why should my ring be the same?

Styles change, tastes change, incomes change... why put all this pressure on yourself to decide now what you''ll still love in 40 years?

Of course... my mom is on her 6th ring, but her 1st husband! The jeweler tells her she''s unique in that respect in the town... everyone else just gets a new husband to get a new ring. I think I like my mom''s strategy better.
 

diamondfan

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Gypsy, what if you just say to yourself that you will do the best you can, you will find something you love, but not worry about forever? Like Sum said, tastes and styles and what we like changes, maybe you will still love it in 10 years, or maybe you will want to refresh it, but as long as you take a bit of the pressure off of yourself right now, maybe more options will open up to you...
 

KristyDarling

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When I got married with my Tacori e-ring, it didn''t even occur to me that I might someday be wearing a completely different diamond and setting on my left hand. It wasn''t even a remote possibility. At that point, I was positive that I would die with that ring on my hand. But a short 5 years later, I was aching for something different. Surprised the heck outta me! I do like my original e-ring, but I don''t love the aesthetics of it anymore. My tastes changed A LOT. I''m lucky in that neither I nor my DH had put pressure on ourselves to stick with the original e-ring forever and ever. A lot of people don''t share this viewpoint but I see the ring as "just" a piece of jewelry that symbolizes *the fact* that I''m married, I''m taken....I don''t think the ring itself represents the marriage itself. I could be wearing a $10 silver band on my ring finger and that would be fine, too. (but it just so happens that I like the pricier stuff, poor bank account!)

Everyone attaches varying levels of importance to their rings, and each one''s reasons are totally valid. If Gypsy''s priority is to be married in the ring she will have forever, and if she''s not willing to postpone the wedding until the forever ring is found, then I would suggest is getting married in her current solitaire setting. One thing she could consider is melting down the platinum and having it cast into a custom ring later down the line. It''s not frequently done because of worries about porosity, but I bet that if she found an understanding and talented jeweler, it could be done.
 

movie zombie

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well, not to stir the pot but right now she wants a forever ring. there are those that never wanted a forever ring. then there are those that thought they had a forever ring and then changed their mind. i meet women all the time that never think of upgrading/changing....and they do have nice unusual rings. i think upgrading/changing is a very pricescope thing....nothing wrong with that either.

i also think that those of us that went color and spent a bunch of time and $ to get that forever ring will stick with it. i know i will. how do i know? i know. i''m older than the average pricescoper, i spent the time and agony of getting exactly what i wanted. it reflects my style [or lack thereof] and taste. the underlying core of my taste hasn''t changed in years when i think about it. and i absolutely love this ring.

i guess my point is while it is good to point out that taste in style may change, it may not. and for some the sentimental is more important than more bling.

however, its a good excuse to buy more rings for other fingers!

movie zombie
 

diamondfan

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True, she could always just wear it and keep looking, but I also think it stresses some people out to not have things nailed down. For me, I tend to decide quickly, but then I also do change my mind occasionally. If I can take a bit of time, not too much, but a bit, I usually feel good about choice number one, and I am happy. I love my current ring but love the split shank halo Ivanka had on in the celeb ring thread, I almost got that exact thing, but decided it might be too gaudy and so I went with the more classic setting. I am also loving bullets, traps and shields, but doubt I will change my setting. I go in cycles, wanting to redo things, and sometimes I just have to take a breath and let it pass. For Gyspy, I just think taking some of that pressure off will be helpful, maybe not, but it just might, and then the perfect thing might fall into her lap!
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Date: 1/31/2007 11:23:20 AM
Author: sumbride
Of course... my mom is on her 6th ring, but her 1st husband! The jeweler tells her she''s unique in that respect in the town... everyone else just gets a new husband to get a new ring. I think I like my mom''s strategy better.
''

HA!!! I *love* that! HILARIOUS. I mean *seriously* people -- almost 60% of people don''t even keep the MAN they made their vows too ... I guess our committment-phobes are gonna be more loyal to a teensy chunk of metal than MOST of America is to their HUMAN spouse! Takes all kinds!

All I''m saying is ANXIETY isn''t healthy. I should know - I''m riddled with it and try very hard to reduce it in any way possible. I *don''t* understand why some folks are so hesitant to change their situations to REDUCE their anxiety. I guess we all have different priorities.

Oh and Ceha -- you say Gypsy doesn''t have the choice to start over. I say she does. She doesn''t CHOOSE to based on her fiance''s feelings about it but perhaps he doesn''t even realize how torn up SHE is about it. MAYBE the problem isn''t picking the perfect setting but *communicating* each others needs and compromising. I''m not saying that''s the case -- I''m just throwing it out there as a possible interpretation of the issue.

Another idea: set the asscher in a pendent after saving up for a co-purchased new Oval stone for the future forever e-ring. See? I''m full of ideas. Ideas that''ll no doubt be dismissed in lieu of continued "agonizing".
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:14:45 AM
Author: Mara
haha cehra well honestly if you are soooo sappy and sentimental then why are you even getting a new ring in the first place?
just curious!
cause damnit he OWES ME!!! bahahahahahah ;-) Seriously - I never got my diamond.... and I wanted one! I just didn''t think I''d have to wait this long LOL

I admit that when I first got here I wanted an e-ring that went with my other two rings... I wanted a 3/4 carat oval set in a yellow gold channel set ring to go with the other two bands I have. But then I went of the deep end for the OMC and quadrupled my budget (or more) and the stone I ended up with not only wouldn''t look good IMO in a channel set band, I feel like it has pretty much dictated the design of the ring from the prongs on down.

Besides, I''m still planning to wear my other rings.... just on my other hand. And for the record I''m not opposed to having multiple rings, I just don''t personally believe in trading in so much as acquiring more hehehe ;-)
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:14:45 AM
Author: Mara
greg doesn''t like the idea of me switching it out...and i can totally respect that so i probably won''t for a while (and i''m kind of too lazy mentally...) , but maybe on year 10 he might go ''hey lets get you a new setting (to go with your new honking 5c rock? HAH)''...who knows.
you know what I would do in your situation? heehe not that you asked LOL I would upgrade the center stone, get the new setting and eventually put a diamond in your current setting the same size as it was the *day* he proposed and have TWO SETS - one strictly sentimental and one for size and whim!! :) And the whim one I wouldn''t worry about changing over the years... but the first one I couldn''t part with LOL
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I htink the difference here is the expectation. If you get your ring, love it but are not focusing on forever or never changing, and find as the years pass you would never want to, great. BUT, if you do find that you love other styles etc, and you can afford it and hubby supports it, then great too...I do not think there are100% right or wrong answers...
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Date: 1/31/2007 12:09:35 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I would upgrade the center stone, get the new setting and eventually put a diamond in your current setting the same size as it was the *day* he proposed
*spitting coffee across the room*

Two words: AS IF!
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:23:20 AM
Author: sumbride
You know... I can''t see any setting as ''permanent'' in my mind because would I still wear the same shoes in 10 years? carry the same purse? cut my hair the same? Then why should my ring be the same?

Styles change, tastes change, incomes change... why put all this pressure on yourself to decide now what you''ll still love in 40 years?

Of course... my mom is on her 6th ring, but her 1st husband! The jeweler tells her she''s unique in that respect in the town... everyone else just gets a new husband to get a new ring. I think I like my mom''s strategy better.
I don''t have a problem with others feeling like this, but to explain how it can be different in the first paragraph - because I don''t believe *wedding* rings should be a fashion statement that changes with the trends. To me they are an eternal statement that goes far deeper than what metal is in style etc. Of course I still have shoes that are 10 years old and my hair is exactly the same as it was in high school other than I grew out my bangs LOL (shoulder length bob)

My anniversary band is NOT something I would choose now.... I don''t even really like channel set anymore... but the ring stands for a moment in time, a renewal with all of our family on the spot he proposed.... it isn''t a fashion statement, it is a symbol of a moment, of a love. It doesn''t *matter* what it looks like. And that''s where the pressure of picking something actually EASES because no matter what it looks like, that''s what will be perfect. Just gotta get to that point.
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:35:57 AM
Author: KristyDarling
Everyone attaches varying levels of importance to their rings, and each one''s reasons are totally valid.
I TOTALLY agree with this!!!
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:47:00 AM
Author: movie zombie
well, not to stir the pot but right now she wants a forever ring. there are those that never wanted a forever ring. then there are those that thought they had a forever ring and then changed their mind. i meet women all the time that never think of upgrading/changing....and they do have nice unusual rings. i think upgrading/changing is a very pricescope thing....nothing wrong with that either.

i also think that those of us that went color and spent a bunch of time and $ to get that forever ring will stick with it. i know i will. how do i know? i know. i''m older than the average pricescoper, i spent the time and agony of getting exactly what i wanted. it reflects my style [or lack thereof] and taste. the underlying core of my taste hasn''t changed in years when i think about it. and i absolutely love this ring.

i guess my point is while it is good to point out that taste in style may change, it may not. and for some the sentimental is more important than more bling.

however, its a good excuse to buy more rings for other fingers!

movie zombie
Very well said!! And yeah I''m definitely a fan of *more* rings LOL I''m already planning my next one LOL OKay my next *few* hahahaha ;-)
 

mrssalvo

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 3, 2005
Messages
19,132
I''m mrssalvo and I have setting commitment issues


Honestly, for me there were several factors involved which has lead to a seemingly endless search. i started out wanting to upgrade to a round, then found the daniel K setting which I fell in love with. If money was no object, I would have bought it last year and this would be over. Then I thought about finding a cushion and having something close made but realized I wouldn''t be happy with something close so I''d just wait and save for the real thing. Last summer I got anxious not having any ring and also starting thinking if I really wanted to spend the kind of $ to buy the Daniel K when there are so many other things in life I want to do. I decided to hunt for another round and found my stone at the end of last summer. Then came the setting hunt. Honestly, I do enjoy it and the hunt is fun for me so procrastinating the final product hasn''t been a big deal, although I know I''ve driven the rest of you nutso. By mid fall with no decision having been made I decided I would find something in Chicago that I loved, and did. But then had the whole resizing issue and it had to go back. At that point the hunt wasn''t fun anymore and I decided to just take a break for a while b/c my mind was spinning with so many options that I was honestly just confused as to what I really wanted. I started looking again after Christmas and then my uncle passed away which delayed things again because I was out of town and just didn''t care about jewelry. We''ve got our house up for sale as well as hubby changing jobs so I feel like once things settle down a bit I will be able to focus on what I want and commit with no pressure of making it my forever setting b/c we all know that just won''t happen
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 1/31/2007 11:56:20 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 1/31/2007 11:23:20 AM
Author: sumbride
Of course... my mom is on her 6th ring, but her 1st husband! The jeweler tells her she''s unique in that respect in the town... everyone else just gets a new husband to get a new ring. I think I like my mom''s strategy better.
''

HA!!! I *love* that! HILARIOUS. I mean *seriously* people -- almost 60% of people don''t even keep the MAN they made their vows too ... I guess our committment-phobes are gonna be more loyal to a teensy chunk of metal than MOST of America is to their HUMAN spouse! Takes all kinds!

All I''m saying is ANXIETY isn''t healthy. I should know - I''m riddled with it and try very hard to reduce it in any way possible. I *don''t* understand why some folks are so hesitant to change their situations to REDUCE their anxiety. I guess we all have different priorities.

Oh and Ceha -- you say Gypsy doesn''t have the choice to start over. I say she does. She doesn''t CHOOSE to based on her fiance''s feelings about it but perhaps he doesn''t even realize how torn up SHE is about it. MAYBE the problem isn''t picking the perfect setting but *communicating* each others needs and compromising. I''m not saying that''s the case -- I''m just throwing it out there as a possible interpretation of the issue.

Another idea: set the asscher in a pendent after saving up for a co-purchased new Oval stone for the future forever e-ring. See? I''m full of ideas. Ideas that''ll no doubt be dismissed in lieu of continued ''agonizing''.
You''re so funny and you have great taste so I love you anyway even if you''re a PITA ;-) hehehe And since I have managed to keep the MAN for 15.5years I think I can be loyal to a ring as well :razz:

As for gypsy, she''s already made it very clear she isn''t 100% thrilled with the stone, but she''s also made it clear that she wishes to honor her fiance''s feelings about the stone. I think that''s the starting point - not to be chipped away at to find some greater meaning to her lack of decisiveness. If the door to trading in her stone is open, she''d let us know I''m sure!
 
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