Not true that a diamond can never be too big. There are a few threads on here from people who have opted to go smaller or have a 2nd, daintier ring for times they are uncomfortable wearing their larger ER. I agree that over 2ct gets to a size that is more likely to get stares/comments and it's a good bet that she'll be delighted with the ring you chose once she gets used to it. Awaiting updates!!!
Thanks Sledge,
I have decided to let IDJ proceed with the setting as is. They already cast the ring and are now doing the polishing and setting of the stones. It is the same design as the one she selected and showed her friend from Brilliant Earth, and have no doubt IDJ will deliver one that is even better. Only issue is I have been making minor changes to the design such as diamonds on the side of the Halo. She also verbally told the friend she wants the stone set as low as possible, yet this specific design is not the lowest it could go, eg if we added a donut and basket sacrificing the wedding band sitting completely flush. Those are the types of decisions I'd love her to be involved in. Anyway, I am going with the design as is, and when I propose, will talk through the other options we could have done and make it clear that we can get the setting re-done and re-set if she chooses. I have the wiggle room in my budget to do so - just won't tell her the cost . If she absolutely loves it as is, then I will treat myself to a Porterhouse from Peter Lugar
I just deleted my initial message 'cause I thought it was too harsh.
I didn't think it was too harsh, it's important to keep in mind larger stones really aren't to everyone's taste...and there is a chance the lady in question here would prefer something smaller. The extent to which the OP wants to make everything beyond his SO's expectations, however, I would assume he would also be ready to accommodate her wishes if she decides it is too much. At the same time, there's also the possibility that she just doesn't feel comfortable asking for something so large, or feels it is unnecessary, but would still be very happy with it. He would know best what her thinking is likely to be. If she's said stones over 1 CT are gaudy etc., that would be something to pay attention to.
My personal 2 cents is if having the bands sit flush is important and you have modified the design to do that, then you have indeed made it as low as reasonably possible within the required constraints.
My concern with giving her an option to modify had less to do with money and more to do with the oddity of putting her in a situation where she has to "reject" the ring you chose for her to get what she truly wants. Many women will live with it as is to avoid an uncomfortable situation.
Also you may ask IDJ the cost if she wants additional changes or hates it. DK had a policy they'd make a new ring (for free) to ensure her happiness.
Maybe a good steak, regardless.
For me personally, an ideal size is between 6.5-7mm. Anything over that feels gaudy on me. I enjoy looking at larger diamonds on other people, and don't see "gaudy" on them (well, maybe the really huge doorknob sized ones!). I suffer from a shameful and rare disease here on PS, AHDD--Anti-Honker Diamond Disease!
I just deleted my initial message 'cause I thought it was too harsh.
ha! 6.5-7mm is still pretty big - at least it used to be considered so, right? that's 1ct+
i think petite rings look so classy. i think larger ones can as well, it all depends on the design.
sorry OP we are taking your thread away from its intent...i'm still on team surprise
Always ALWAYS include the recipient. I am someone who would immediately decline, and actually rethink our relationship entirely if I am surprised. If my partner didn't know by that point that a surprise is an automatic death sentence, we shouldn't be together.
So make sure she wants a surprise ring. You can always surprise her with the proposal, but I think it's asking for trouble to not involve the wearer in the process.
The different opinions are so interesting. I'm actually very surprised at how polarizing these topics are (surprise versus involvement in the process) and (big versus small diamond). At the start of the process I always thought it was a no-brainer that a surprise was better (and more romantic) and that bigger (with quality) was always better. Its definitely an eye-opener, and I'm realizing how different it is to different people. Ultimately, I feel confident the route I took is the correct one. Remember, the ring itself is not going to be a total surprise as I have stayed true to the design she picked out and sent to her friend. I guess if she felt very strongly about wanting to be involved in the design process then she would have given her friend instructions to make me involve her when I reached out. The doubt I am having now is the whether the diamond will actually to be too big (not in a million years did I ever think this would be the issue). My gut tells me she will love it and it ends up being everything she wanted and more, but it could also go sideways. Guess I will just have to close my eyes, roll the dice and see where it lands. Oy vey!!!!
It’s a funny thing though that you men seem to want bigger stones for your gf’s than they want for themselves. I’m not criticizing at all, but I am quite curious about what that’s about?
Can't speak for other men, but I believe its because a) we think that women prefer bigger and that bigger is always better; b) we want your ring to be the biggest and best when comparing with your friends; c) we want you to have something that you can show off; d) deep down we want the diamonds we get you to be better that the ones our friends get their SOs; e) we want the stones to be a reflection of how much you mean to us ect ect; f) we want to get you something that EXCEEDS your expectations; g) we want to score points with your friends and mom through the ring; h) we are just stupid and really don't know anything about what women want.
All I want is to get my SO the ring of her dreams that is everything she wants and more.
My poor DH then. I stopped him from buying bigger (I halved his budget) because it seemed like a ridiculous amount of money at the time and I thought we'd be better off spending it on something practical, like a down payment for a house. I've since come to regret it because it doesn't seem like that much money now and DH is incredibly sentimental about the ring, so upgrading is problematic. But I do remember there being some competitiveness among women that I knew (not friends of mine, but among the gf's of his friends) and now that I think about it, DH was quite aware of what his friends had all spent and he thought he should match that. Oops.
The funny thing is that even with the smaller ring, I got some shade from my mother and sister. Not because it was small...but because it's bigger than both of theirs. There were some not so subtle hints dropped that I had manipulated DH into getting me a bigger stone than was appropriate. E-rings tend to be well under half a carat where I am, with my mother's ring being about .25 ct and my sister's is about .3 ct, so even though my stone is a hair under a half carat (0.44 or something like that) it's visibly bigger than theirs. And whiter. And better cut (I suspect theirs are steep and deep, and mine is more spready). Imagine what they would have said if I had let him spend what he had wanted to!
I’m usually team get her involved because in my example, I had no idea whatsoever and had my DH had to try and guess, it would have been no fun for anyone. However she knows exactly what she wants so I think you’re fairly safe.
And I must admit, I would have enjoyed a bit of a surprise proposal since mine wasn’t really a proposal at all. Which turns out to bug me a bit in hindsight (who knew it would?!)
Also @whitewave ugh at the social conditioning in the line “love is in the details” with the implication that bigger and dripping with diamonds is the detail that matters..
The social signaling/peer pressure side of it can get awkwaaaaaard.