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Engagement ring - keep the element of surprise or involve her in ring design?

peacechick

Brilliant_Rock
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In the end, you know your relationship with her best, so if you know she would like a surprise, please do that. I typically buy all my own jewelry but I definitely insisted on a surprise with my engagement ring. I only set two criteria for my DH, I wanted a colored stone e-ring and the budget was not to exceed $1,500 (he didn’t make much at the time). What I valued most then and now was all the effort he had to put in to buy what he thought was the very best ring that was “me”.

My sister was the opposite who had very specific ideas of what she wanted so her DH proposed with the stone and they designed it together.
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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Ok, a few things:

- you know what she likes, so the ring design is going to be totally ok! Sound like she is going to LOVE IT.
- I think a lot of women like having to get used to a bigger diamond than they ever could've dreamed of ;-) Obviously not ALL women, but I know a lot of gals who would feel greedy or entitled etc if they were like "Hmm I really want a 2ct!" but they certainly wouldn't turn their nose up at one, if they HAD to wear it! :lol:

It's one thing to ASK for a big diamond, and it's totally different to receive one that was picked out with love. As my DH told me, "Even if it just sits in your jewellery box, I want you to have something beautiful." Well, that might sound crazy, but it's still very sweet!

I love that you're doing a surprise and I wouldn't consult your beloved about the design, before OR after. Me and my bff, we are the same, and the second someone says, "Would you rather if it was...." then we start thinking, "Oh, would I? Hmmm..." And then we go crazy thinking about it. How many women on here have had multiple ring resets? Or multiple engagement rings? People can be fickle. And we can second-guess ourselves. But if a gift is given, it carries with it the love from the giver. If she is at all sentimental, she will likely love that you did this for her. But if she changed the ring design after you gave it, and then had second thoughts... she might regret messing with it. OP, you're sweet to want to give her the world, but if I were you, I'd stay mum on the specifics and maybe just say: "I want you to know, it won't hurt my feelings at all if you'd ever like to change anything about this ring. My goal in life is to make you as happy as you can be, and that includes every aspect of building a life together, including this ring! I value honesty between us and I will vow to you to respect that honesty with openness and acceptance. I'm here for you." :kiss2:

Or, what I tell my husband, "It's ok to change the ring, as long as you don't change the husband!" haha. :lol:

Or something like that ;-)

That way, if she has any concerns about the ring, she feels comfortable bringing them up with you. But if you say, "Hmm is it a little high? Or should it have had a diamond donut thingy?" Then maybe it plants a seed of doubt where there was none.

Anyways that's my $0.02 (ok more like $2!! LOL) but I think this is going to go over VERY well and I hope you know that we would love love love to see pics. It's kind of mandatory ;-)

Best wishes!
 

ringo865

Ideal_Rock
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Mandatory. And pronto. When is the proposal? I’m getting psyched!!!
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2018
Messages
100
Ok, a few things:

- you know what she likes, so the ring design is going to be totally ok! Sound like she is going to LOVE IT.
- I think a lot of women like having to get used to a bigger diamond than they ever could've dreamed of ;-) Obviously not ALL women, but I know a lot of gals who would feel greedy or entitled etc if they were like "Hmm I really want a 2ct!" but they certainly wouldn't turn their nose up at one, if they HAD to wear it! :lol:

It's one thing to ASK for a big diamond, and it's totally different to receive one that was picked out with love. As my DH told me, "Even if it just sits in your jewellery box, I want you to have something beautiful." Well, that might sound crazy, but it's still very sweet!

I love that you're doing a surprise and I wouldn't consult your beloved about the design, before OR after. Me and my bff, we are the same, and the second someone says, "Would you rather if it was...." then we start thinking, "Oh, would I? Hmmm..." And then we go crazy thinking about it. How many women on here have had multiple ring resets? Or multiple engagement rings? People can be fickle. And we can second-guess ourselves. But if a gift is given, it carries with it the love from the giver. If she is at all sentimental, she will likely love that you did this for her. But if she changed the ring design after you gave it, and then had second thoughts... she might regret messing with it. OP, you're sweet to want to give her the world, but if I were you, I'd stay mum on the specifics and maybe just say: "I want you to know, it won't hurt my feelings at all if you'd ever like to change anything about this ring. My goal in life is to make you as happy as you can be, and that includes every aspect of building a life together, including this ring! I value honesty between us and I will vow to you to respect that honesty with openness and acceptance. I'm here for you." :kiss2:

Or, what I tell my husband, "It's ok to change the ring, as long as you don't change the husband!" haha. :lol:

Or something like that ;-)

That way, if she has any concerns about the ring, she feels comfortable bringing them up with you. But if you say, "Hmm is it a little high? Or should it have had a diamond donut thingy?" Then maybe it plants a seed of doubt where there was none.

Anyways that's my $0.02 (ok more like $2!! LOL) but I think this is going to go over VERY well and I hope you know that we would love love love to see pics. It's kind of mandatory ;-)

Best wishes!

What a wonderful post, thank you very much. Good to know that there are others who appreciate the surprise and find it romantic. This approach just feels right to me in so many ways. I promise I will post pics of the ring once it is completed and report on the proposal when it happens.
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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100
Mandatory. And pronto. When is the proposal? I’m getting psyched!!!

Unfortunately you have a wait on your hands. Ring is still a few weeks away due to the Jewish holidays shutting down the diamond district. We are leaving on our trip to South Africa in Mid Oct, and will be targeting around the 25th of October for the actual proposal, give or take. I can barely contain the excitement myself and this wait is killing me.
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Jul 27, 2018
Messages
100
As a preview, here are some pics of the actual diamond in one of the IDJ display halos. IDJ insist that my setting will be much better, and without the airline. 5D979E6A-46DB-4487-93EB-6BBB0CFF0CA6.png 9DB7D70A-5430-418B-BE41-F7875E7E9B1A.png 16C32209-4951-4C5F-A0C9-1370BDC7F0DF.png D4E72AF6-A2A2-4515-B9E2-E837977E73BE.jpeg
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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Exciting!!!!!!! We will wait with baited breath.
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Jul 27, 2018
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All, IDJ just finished the ring and pictures are attached below. Too my eyes I think it looks incredible and am over the moon with what they delivered.

A1B1D29E-568D-4CCE-8298-68C71A958478.jpeg E79E8468-032E-4D37-92D5-574388A972F8.jpeg ACAC5685-919D-4BEE-A3A8-D58775EF3676.jpeg 0A15B305-6291-44A5-9915-D7D21AEA8496.jpeg
 

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BlingDreams

Ideal_Rock
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All, IDJ just finished the ring and pictures are attached below. Too my eyes I think it looks incredible and am over the moon with what they delivered.

A1B1D29E-568D-4CCE-8298-68C71A958478.jpeg E79E8468-032E-4D37-92D5-574388A972F8.jpeg ACAC5685-919D-4BEE-A3A8-D58775EF3676.jpeg 0A15B305-6291-44A5-9915-D7D21AEA8496.jpeg
Stig, it looks GREAT!!! Congratulations on a beautiful piece and I’m so happy that YOU are over the moon with it, as that’s what matters most (well, that and your FF’s opinion :lol-2:).

Can’t wait for hand shots!
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
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18,033
I love it--I think IDJ knocked it out of the park!
 

ac117

Ideal_Rock
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All, IDJ just finished the ring and pictures are attached below. Too my eyes I think it looks incredible and am over the moon with what they delivered.

A1B1D29E-568D-4CCE-8298-68C71A958478.jpeg E79E8468-032E-4D37-92D5-574388A972F8.jpeg ACAC5685-919D-4BEE-A3A8-D58775EF3676.jpeg 0A15B305-6291-44A5-9915-D7D21AEA8496.jpeg

It looks gorgeous! She's going to be thrilled!
 

SimoneDi

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 19, 2014
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Gorgeous ring! :love: Please post pics after the proposal!
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
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WOW. I'm in awe.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Beautiful!:love:
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Jul 27, 2018
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100
Thank you guys, I’m soooo excited. Looks even better in person as pictures just don’t do it justice. I am shocked at how excited I am over a purchase of an item that’s not even mine - who would’ve thought
 

holeydonut

Shiny_Rock
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Aug 20, 2018
Messages
263
Lol yeah, I think it's funny how once the SO is involved in the design of the ring, the ring buyer just becomes an intermediary trying to balance and explain either side of the transaction.

The people producing the ring think "your" requests are actually your own, when you're really the proxy to get to the SO since you're trying to make sure she's ultimately the one who comes away beaming.

And you have to funnel all the thrash from dealing with vendors/sales-people so your SO feels the transaction is going super smoothly / easy and doesn't stress out.

In spite of me having people like @sledge judging me as the biggest sh!thead in the world, my SO actually said she thinks the ring-buying process was pretty smooth. The only major hiccup so far was seeing some ugly VS clarity stones when I said they should be eye-clean.
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Jul 27, 2018
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Lol yeah, I think it's funny how once the SO is involved in the design of the ring, the ring buyer just becomes an intermediary trying to balance and explain either side of the transaction.

The people producing the ring think "your" requests are actually your own, when you're really the proxy to get to the SO since you're trying to make sure she's ultimately the one who comes away beaming.

And you have to funnel all the thrash from dealing with vendors/sales-people so your SO feels the transaction is going super smoothly / easy and doesn't stress out.

In spite of me having people like @sledge judging me as the biggest sh!thead in the world, my SO actually said she thinks the ring-buying process was pretty smooth. The only major hiccup so far was seeing some ugly VS clarity stones when I said they should be eye-clean.

Was actually going to comment on your packaging thread but it got locked. I think you are absolutely 100% correct to have high expectations from BG, especially with the amount of money you paid. Customer is always right, especially when they are aren’t. That’s how I treat my own clients, and you have every right to be nit picky.
 

Acinom

Super_Ideal_Rock
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10,535
It’s stunning! IDJ did an amazingng job to create this ring. She will be thrilled
 

jwcjewelry

Rough_Rock
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It’s beautiful!!!! She’s going to be blown away!!!
 

sledge

Ideal_Rock
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The ring looks great @The Stig. Your hard work and communication paid off. Very glad to hear IDJ made your dreams a reality. :cool2:

Hey @holeydonut if you want to talk with me about your issues and my opinion of you please start a new thread in Hangout and don't thread bomb.

So @The Stig, have you finalized your proposal plan? Care to share?
 

LetLoveRule

Shiny_Rock
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Jul 14, 2018
Messages
267
Amazing ring, it's gorgeous and she's very lucky!

I think it's wonderful that you had the ring made. While I enjoy reading about guys going through the custom ring process, in my case I think it suited us better that he picked a simple ring to propose with (most people still think it's a diamond ring while it's a zirconia :lol:) and I designed the actual ER myself. Of course he helped but designing is more my thing :mrgreen2: I love that everyone is different, that makes life interesting and reading other's stories entertaining :D

Can't wait to read about your proposal :kiss2:
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
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27,198
Turned out beautiful! The prongs are sweeet!:love:
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Messages
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The ring looks great @The Stig. Your hard work and communication paid off. Very glad to hear IDJ made your dreams a reality. :cool2:

So @The Stig, have you finalized your proposal plan? Care to share?


Thanks Sledge. Sure, so here is the proposal plan. This weekend I am meeting with my SO’s mother to get her blessing. I already received her Dad’s blessing a few months ago on his death bead before he sadly passed away. This may the biggest hurdle as her mother is already unhappy with me for making her have to keep a secret from her daughter. Then in 2 weeks’ time her BFF will call up my SO and tell her that I just reached out to her to go ring shopping when we return from our South Africa trip. She is going to spin it that she feels awful because she won’t be able have time to go ring shopping with me until into late November, and I mentioned that the timing is tight because I plan to propose in Dec when we go on another trip (the fake trip). We leave for South Africa towards the end of October. I have close family that still live there (I am originally from there). We are spending a few days in Jo-burg with the family, and then will be going down to Cape Town for a few days and then drive along the Garden Route to Plettenburg Bay. I am still deciding whether to propose in Cape Town or Plettenburg Bay. If I go with Cape Town, then it will either be on top of Table Mountain or along Chapman Peak. I am heavily leaning towards to Plettenburg Bay though at one of my favorite restaurants of all time called Enricos.

https://enricorestaurant.co.za/

It is directly on the beach with incredible views. Will go for sunset drinks, propose, and then stay for dinner. Nothing too elaborate, but I do need to work on organizing a photographer to take pictures/film the proposal.
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
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May 11, 2012
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9,786
Beautiful ring goodluck with everything, I hope it all goes well for you!!!
 

holeydonut

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Aug 20, 2018
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Thanks Sledge. Sure, so here is the proposal plan. This weekend I am meeting with my SO’s mother to get her blessing. I already received her Dad’s blessing a few months ago on his death bead before he sadly passed away. This may the biggest hurdle as her mother is already unhappy with me for making her have to keep a secret from her daughter. Then in 2 weeks’ time her BFF will call up my SO and tell her that I just reached out to her to go ring shopping when we return from our South Africa trip. She is going to spin it that she feels awful because she won’t be able have time to go ring shopping with me until into late November, and I mentioned that the timing is tight because I plan to propose in Dec when we go on another trip (the fake trip). We leave for South Africa towards the end of October. I have close family that still live there (I am originally from there). We are spending a few days in Jo-burg with the family, and then will be going down to Cape Town for a few days and then drive along the Garden Route to Plettenburg Bay. I am still deciding whether to propose in Cape Town or Plettenburg Bay. If I go with Cape Town, then it will either be on top of Table Mountain or along Chapman Peak. I am heavily leaning towards to Plettenburg Bay though at one of my favorite restaurants of all time called Enricos.

https://enricorestaurant.co.za/

It is directly on the beach with incredible views. Will go for sunset drinks, propose, and then stay for dinner. Nothing too elaborate, but I do need to work on organizing a photographer to take pictures/film the proposal.

Wow sounds amazing Stig. Congrats to you both and the ring she’ll get looks awesome!
 

vintageloves

Shiny_Rock
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May 30, 2013
Messages
473
That ring is absolutely stunning. Your girlfriend (soon to be fiancee!) is going to be so excited when she sees it!
 

kah42

Shiny_Rock
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Aug 17, 2018
Messages
174
The ring is stunning, and your proposal sounds like it will be perfect! Congrats on your upcoming engagement.
 

The Stig

Rough_Rock
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Jul 27, 2018
Messages
100
Update: So we are leaving for SA on the direct flight out of JFK tomorrow in the am. The ring is bubble wrapped and safety stored in my carry-on hand held bag which I am not letting out of my sights or my hands. Hopefully I can make it through security without being searched, and I am hardly worried about customs in SA. The SO’s BFF has assured me that my SO thinks the proposal is coming on a planned weekend trip to the Caribbean in December. To further throw her off the scent, it’s the same resort where we first exchanged the “I love you” words. I do think the coast of SA will more than override any dissapointing she may feel that the proposal won’t come at that same beach in the Caribbean. I am hoping though that that specific location will be where we actually get married, and we are still going to take that December weekend trip. The BFF also asked my SO the other day to confirm what diamond shape she wants, so that just adds another seed of doubt. Fingers crossed that I don’t blow it before now and next Tuesday, or that she does not follow Pricescope. I absolutely can’t wait to show the ring to my family this coming weekend in SA (they don’t know yet), and the planned proposal dates are either next Sunday in Cape Town or Tues in the Garden Route. Will keep y’all updated. Should I keep posting here or create a new thread?


:appl::appl::appl:
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
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18,033
Update: So we are leaving for SA on the direct flight out of JFK tomorrow in the am. The ring is bubble wrapped and safety stored in my carry-on hand held bag which I am not letting out of my sights or my hands. Hopefully I can make it through security without being searched, and I am hardly worried about customs in SA. The SO’s BFF has assured me that my SO thinks the proposal is coming on a planned weekend trip to the Caribbean in December. To further throw her off the scent, it’s the same resort where we first exchanged the “I love you” words. I do think the coast of SA will more than override any dissapointing she may feel that the proposal won’t come at that same beach in the Caribbean. I am hoping though that that specific location will be where we actually get married, and we are still going to take that December weekend trip. The BFF also asked my SO the other day to confirm what diamond shape she wants, so that just adds another seed of doubt. Fingers crossed that I don’t blow it before now and next Tuesday, or that she does not follow Pricescope. I absolutely can’t wait to show the ring to my family this coming weekend in SA (they don’t know yet), and the planned proposal dates are either next Sunday in Cape Town or Tues in the Garden Route. Will keep y’all updated. Should I keep posting here or create a new thread?


:appl::appl::appl:

I think start a new thread in "show me the bling", and DEFINITELY update here! I CAN'T WAIT!
 

sledge

Ideal_Rock
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5,791
Words of advice for any high pressure situation -- relax!

Things like the pitch of your voice, stammering words, sweaty palms, nervous twitches, changing normal habits, acting over protective of a bag, getting caught excessively staring at an important object (use peripheral vision instead), not being fully engaged in conversation or maybe squeezing her hand too hard as most men don't know their strength are all tell tale signs.

She may not be a ninja of people reading but generally women are better than men and any situation where perfection is required for proper execution, you must control yourself and relax so you don't create anxiety and doubt which could lead to mission failure.
 
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