do you think it is inappropriate for guys to...

[AGBF]

I find this discussion interesting. The range of opinion is so wide.

Deb

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I can curse with the best of them! My grandparents made it clear that I should always be able to express myself, however I want. They have always had no barrier with any of us, so us having a barrier would just be silly. We are a 'say what we feel' kind of family and I honestly don't understand how people live other than this! Now my Mother..well she has never appreciated my creative curse words lol..I do try to tone down the swearing in front of her, but I don't make an exception for anyone else.

 

[justginger]

I can curse with the best of them! My grandparents made it clear that I should always be able to express myself, however I want. They have always had no barrier with any of us, so us having a barrier would just be silly. We are a 'say what we feel' kind of family and I honestly don't understand how people live other than this! Now my Mother..well she has never appreciated my creative curse words lol..I do try to tone down the swearing in front of her, but I don't make an exception for anyone else.

My family is the same, only it is my father that I make an effort to tone down for. My mother is the opposite - she is probably where I got my free attitude towards cursing. The words just don't hold much meaning for me, I suppose.

DH's family? Ultra religious, ultra conservative. His swearing turns into, "Oh my heavens!" in the blink of an eye if his parents are around. I can't turn it on and off like that - he grew up living as two different people, one person with his parents, the other with the rest of the world. I did not, I am the same person to my parents as I am to the greater world.

I still remember when we first started dating, he and I were playing Monopoly with his brother (who is a grown adult as well), and I landed on Park Place with a hotel on it. Before I even realized what I said, "Oh fuuuuuu..." had slipped out of my mouth. His mother was in the next room over and I KNOW she heard me.

 

[monarch64]

I think it's inappropriate for people of any gender to swear in front of someone who is not familiar. It's simply common courtesy to avoid offending someone you don't know well. This idea that women are delicate, sensitive flowers who might faint upon hearing a man swear is awfully outdated, although I have had plenty of men apologize for their language either before or after saying a swear word. It seems more like they're being polite, not treating me with kid gloves.

The guys I work with don't swear in front of me. The owner of the company actually does, but I only deal with him about once a month and he's an imbecile so I let it roll off.

My husband barely swears. If I ever hear him say the F word, I usually drop whatever I'm doing and check to make sure he's ok. I swear a lot more than he does.

 

[isaku5]

I may be an old fogey, but I'm an old fogey that doesn't swear....unless it's an emergency

I can usually find a way around using the F-bomb, but I there was one night when NSDH was giving me big grief and he got it with both barrels. The look on his face was priceless!

 

[chrono]

I think it is inappropriate for anyone to swear at any time in front of anybody. It has become socially accepted in some circles because more and more are doing so. Just because some are doing it doesn't make it right or acceptable. Why isn't huffing and puffing without actual words sufficient? Is it that difficult to control one's emotions? Why is it wrong for a child but not an adult? So a child must always be polite but the adult can be rude and crass? Why the double standard?

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I've worked in an industry that is in a "mans world". If, on occasion, they curse I just carry on. My problem is with anyone who use that language constantly. I usually think that they have a limited vocabulary, and thus I never think they are awfully smart.
I think some cursing is effective when you don't use it often, and it can show your meaning better. I'm for it when it explains something you feel more accurately. If someone is cursing constantly, I'll probably say something like , please tone that down, but other wise I don't mind.

I agree this is 2013 not 1956. I'm really surprised that some PSer's think its so awful.

Annette

 

[amc80]

I don't swear at all. Never have. As in I've never said one "bad word." I have never seen the point.

But DH was in the Marines and is now a cop. So yeah, saying he swears puts it mildly. He says he has to get it all out now before our baby starts talking, ha.

 

[purplesparklies]

I curse occasionally but never in front of my children or any other children. Adults? Depends. It is a huge pet peeve of mine to be out with my children and have clueless or careless adults acting foolish nearby and swearing within earshot of children. It is rude and inappropriate. I have been known to speak up and say so. Like so many things, there is a time and a place. In general, I do not understand the need to use vulgar language or curse words constantly. If someone is using inappropriate language in front of my children, I use it as a teachable moment. I explain that it is unfortunate but some people don't have the intellectual ability, sufficient vocabulary base and/or knowledge of appropriate social behavior to be able to come up with a more appropriate word. My kids will typically say "well, that's disappointing". I agree. Sometimes people are disappointing. I'm fully aware that my children may choose to use these words in the future but I hope they are cognizant that they are not always acceptable or appropriate. I also am proud that my children are able to intelligently express their opinions, both positive and negative, with appropriate language.

 

[kenny]

I do not see myself as vulgar or intellectually deficient, thank you very much.
I won't assert my imagined superiority by insulting those who don't curse.

People just vary.
How bout teaching your kids that.

 

[Malbec54]

I think there's a time and place for everything. While I don't curse in front of children, my parents, or people who are older than me ---I do curse quite freely around people I know, so I definitely can't fault men for cursing.
What I find rude are people who are in a public place, speaking loudly, and cursing.
I can think of several words that are more derogatory and hurtful than curse words ---those are the words that I find most offensive.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I do not see myself as vulgar or intellectually deficient, thank you very much.
I won't assert my imagined superiority by insulting those who don't curse.

People just vary.
How bout teaching your kids that.

Agreed. I personally think it's worse for someone to be plain old mean without using curse words than to hear a nice and sweet F-bomb walking down the street.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I do not see myself as vulgar or intellectually deficient, thank you very much.
I won't assert my imagined superiority by insulting those who don't curse.

People just vary.
How bout teaching your kids that.

I don't find people that swear vulgar. Only people that swear for no reason what so ever in front of children or strangers.

I recently sat next to a man and his friend at a restaurant. He was talking very very loudly about how he f-word this b-word and that it was f-ing awesome and a bunch of other words I won't continue with. I find that to be vulgar. In a family environment restaurant. Swearing isn't what I find vulgar at all. It's the when, where and why.

 

[chrono]

There is no imagined superiority. I am asking a valid question. What happened to treating others with respect?

 

[Dancing Fire]

i am too much of a gentleman to curse in front of women...

 

[kenny]

Like I've already posted I LOVE how useful those words are.
For me and many on this side of the line there's no replacement to express certain things.

Like I've already posted I never swear if I think the person(s) with would not like it.
I didn't specifically state it since I assumed it went without saying but I would never swear around kids.

I'm totally at peace with people who do not swear.
People vary, so I respect diversity for my own peace.

It would be nice if others did too, but hey, people vary.

 

[kenny]

There is no imagined superiority. I am asking a valid question. What happened to treating others with respect?

Pointing out intolerance is not intolerance.

Should intolerance be tolerated unchallenged?

This thread has lots of criticism of those who swear.
If you don't want to swear, great.
Each of us calls the shots for only one person, ourselves.

 

[Tuckins1]

I think it is inappropriate for anyone to swear at any time in front of anybody. It has become socially accepted in some circles because more and more are doing so. Just because some are doing it doesn't make it right or acceptable. Why isn't huffing and puffing without actual words sufficient? Is it that difficult to control one's emotions? Why is it wrong for a child but not an adult? So a child must always be polite but the adult can be rude and crass? Why the double standard?

Agreed. I swear like a truck driver when in the company of friends, family, etc... only when we are at home or in a somewhat private setting. At work , in public, around children, or around strangers- NO WAY! Not ok, it makes you look like you're too stupid to think of the appropriate word to say.

 

[Tuckins1]

i am too much of a gentleman to curse in front of women...

How very gentlemanly of you DH!

 

[kenny]

i am too much of a gentleman to curse in front of women...

You, and a group of women, are free to think that about yourself.

I swear in front of anyone of either gender who I feel is comfortable with it and consider myself a full gentleman too.
Plenty of women think of me as the consummate gentleman too.
In fact plenty of woman would think of me as less of a gentleman and more of a sexist if I treated them "special" just because they were a women, excuse me, a lady.

The times are changing.
Some people will be in the vanguard of change and some will long for the times of old.

Besides, gentlemen-ness, vulgarity, beauty, and snobbery are all in the eye of the beholder.

 

[chrono]

When will adjusting an undergarment in public no longer be considered inappropriate?
When will butt or private scratching in public no longer be considered inappropriate?
What about finger flipping? Some consider it self expression as they are unable to express their emotions in a different manner.

I do not treat men or women differently and do not need nor expect special treatment or coddling. I hold doors open for men without thinking twice.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

There is no imagined superiority. I am asking a valid question. What happened to treating others with respect?

I'm going to give my own answer on this one. If I can't be my 100% real self when I'm around you (or anyone) I am not only disrespecting you by presenting a false person, but I'm also disrespecting myself. I don't have friends or people around me that I can't be me with.

 

[sonnyjane]

There is no imagined superiority. I am asking a valid question. What happened to treating others with respect?

I'm going to give my own answer on this one. If I can't be my 100% real self when I'm around you (or anyone) I am not only disrespecting you by presenting a false person, but I'm also disrespecting myself. I don't have friends or people around me that I can't be me with.

I like that!

I'll also question who is deciding what words are offensive or disrespectful? Just because they are offensive to some doesn't mean they aren't widely acceptable, even embraced, among others. And who determines which side is "wrong"? When my husband does something amazing for me, I have been known to say " I effing love you!!!" I certainly don't mean him disrespect in that moment.

 

[chrono]

Sonnyjane,
I hope you won't be offended if I start my question with your comment as it seems (to me, anyway), a good basis to help me understand swearing/cursing better. My question is open to everyone, not just SJ.

Why use the F-word in that situation? It has nothing to do with the act of F-ing. Why are other words insufficient to express how much you love him? Why is saying "I love you" not strong enough?

 

[sonnyjane]

Sonnyjane,
I hope you won't be offended if I start my question with your comment as it seems (to me, anyway), a good basis to help me understand swearing/cursing better. My question is open to everyone, not just SJ.

Why use the F-word in that situation? It has nothing to do with the act of F-ing. Why are other words insufficient to express how much you love him? Why is saying "I love you" not strong enough?

For me, it's kind of like a unit of measure, and as Kenny said, no other word replaces it. For example, I can be:

Upset
Mad
So mad
Really mad
and heaven forbid... REALLY EFFING MAD

Lol. I don't sprinkle f words around like pepper (I know some do), because for me that waters down their meaning. But when I use it, it has a purpose.

For the "effing love you" example specifically, I (luckily) get to tell DH that I love him often, so when he does something really over-the-top, I want to express that BEYOND the simple "I love you" .

 

[ForteKitty]

When I dropped a hot pot of water last week, the first thing out of my mouth of was "F'kity, fk fk fk!" I don't think calling myself a klutz would have felt the same.

My friend uses "fudge" and "shoot"... well, she did until her 8 year old niece told her she was swearing wrong and proceeded to tell her what she should have used. Kids aren't dumb.

 

[chrono]

Fudge and sugar do not have a "bad" meaning unlike the F-word, which is really what bothers me most. Just like why many will not use the C or N word, I have issues accepting the F word for that reason.

SJ,
How about "I love you so much" or "I love you x infinity"? You know I'm just kidding around, right?

 

[kenny]

When will adjusting an undergarment in public no longer be considered inappropriate?
When will butt or private scratching in public no longer be considered inappropriate?
What about finger flipping? Some consider it self expression as they are unable to express their emotions in a different manner.

I do not treat men or women differently and do not need nor expect special treatment or coddling. I hold doors open for men without thinking twice.

Appropriate is made up and agreed with.
Do you still cover up your arms and legs to the ankles as women did in the Victorian period?

Times change.
Some people cling to yesterday; others rush towards tomorrow.
That's okay that people vary in this way.

 

[ForteKitty]

Do you really consider the N word a swear word?!? Like Ame said, it's hate speech, which is way beyond the realms of swear words. I don't personally know of anyone who uses that word and if anyone I know uses it, they would no longer be a friend.

F has the same meaning as screw, bone, tap (which are all acceptable for some reason), but most people use it as an adjective these days, not as the verb tense.

 

[sonnyjane]

Fudge and sugar do not have a "bad" meaning unlike the F-word, which is really what bothers me most. Just like why many will not use the C or N word, I have issues accepting the F word for that reason.

SJ,
How about "I love you so much" or "I love you x infinity"? You know I'm just kidding around, right?

Valid question to which my answer is the when communicating, one must also consider their target audience. My husband has been in the military for the last 10 years, surrounded by cursing and therefore is quite comfortable cursing himself. If I were to say "oh my darling, I love you ever so much!" (I'm thinking of Downton Abbey lol), all he hears is "blah blah blah" like Charlie Brown's mom. If put it in terms that he will understand to be significant, then I know he'll get that I mean it "a little extra" today.