Caring for the elderly.

[Ellen]

Date: 9/7/2008 1:57:35 PM
Author: Linda W
Lisa and Caroline: Thank you so much. I talked to my mom this morning and told her we are bringing the boys over next Saturday. She was really happy. So...... we will see how it goes. They won''t be wearing little polo shirts with shorts, HA!! I hope she acts better this time.

The looks on their faces when she insults them, is enough to break my heart in heart.


Lisa: Funny thing is, I have always been intimidated by my mother. Even at my age HA!!! She always taught us to respect her and never talk back. I still have a hard time being firm with her. She gets really upset.

Now my brother has an easier time, more so then I do.


Love to you both,

Linda

I know exactly what you mean. I was/am in the same boat, and I still let a lot of things go. But I have a limit now, and when that''s up, I let her know. Depending on what it is, I either do it nicely, or not so, though I''m never rude. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. They are partly the way they are, because we haven''t stood up for ourselves.

The reason I thought it would be good to tell her what the boys said, is because they said it, not you. You are not attacking her in the least, and neither are they. They''re just being honest, and I think she''d get that.

 

[Linda W]

Ellen,


I know what you mean. I have only stood up to her a handful of times in my life and she went ballistic. The last time I think, was at my grandfather''s funeral in 1990 when she told me to stop crying. Or in her words to "knock it off". I was so mad I told her to knock it off. oops, wrong to thing to say.

We will see how it goes next weekend. If she says anything to them again, I will have another talk with her. I''ll make it clear that they won''t want to come over and will she want them to be remembered like that.

 

[diamondfan]

I have noticed that a lot of older people get so cranky and demanding. The sad thing is they do not even realize it and if you point it out they tend to get defensive and deny it. I think, Linda, if you say, Mom, you pick on the boys and they do not want to come to visit you, it MIGHT hit her and she might think twice. However, some of her criticisms she might not think are nit picking. But if she hears how the boys feel about seeing her, it may give her pause.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/7/2008 4:07:33 PM
Author: Linda W
Ellen,


I know what you mean. I have only stood up to her a handful of times in my life and she went ballistic. The last time I think, was at my grandfather''s funeral in 1990 when she told me to stop crying. Or in her words to ''knock it off''. I was so mad I told her to knock it off. oops, wrong to thing to say.

We will see how it goes next weekend. If she says anything to them again, I will have another talk with her. I''ll make it clear that they won''t want to come over and will she want them to be remembered like that.

Good for you. I can''t believe she said that.

I just said to Lorelei not that long ago, it''s strange to be the age I am, and still be intimidated by my mother. It''s just so ingrained in me that she is to be treated with "respect", which in reality, isn''t really even respect so much as just not standing up for myself. Because she would view it as "talking back".

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/8/2008 9:45:34 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/7/2008 4:07:33 PM

Author: Linda W

Ellen,



I know what you mean. I have only stood up to her a handful of times in my life and she went ballistic. The last time I think, was at my grandfather''s funeral in 1990 when she told me to stop crying. Or in her words to ''knock it off''. I was so mad I told her to knock it off. oops, wrong to thing to say.

We will see how it goes next weekend. If she says anything to them again, I will have another talk with her. I''ll make it clear that they won''t want to come over and will she want them to be remembered like that.

Good for you. I can''t believe she said that.

I just said to Lorelei not that long ago, it''s strange to be the age I am, and still be intimidated by my mother. It''s just so ingrained in me that she is to be treated with ''respect'', which in reality, isn''t really even respect so much as just not standing up for myself. Because she would view it as ''talking back''.

OH yes, she told me I was grieving too much. Told me the same thing when my dad died too.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/8/2008 7:58:11 AM
Author: diamondfan
I have noticed that a lot of older people get so cranky and demanding. The sad thing is they do not even realize it and if you point it out they tend to get defensive and deny it. I think, Linda, if you say, Mom, you pick on the boys and they do not want to come to visit you, it MIGHT hit her and she might think twice. However, some of her criticisms she might not think are nit picking. But if she hears how the boys feel about seeing her, it may give her pause.

That is so to Caroline. She doesn''t see it is nitpicking. She just blurts things out. It is ironic. She hated it when my grandmother did it to my daughter, yet she is doing the very same thing.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/8/2008 1:22:33 PM
Author: Linda W




OH yes, she told me I was grieving too much. Told me the same thing when my dad died too.

How rediculous, there''s no such thing.

 

[diamondsrock]

Hi everyone!

Haven''t posted in a while although I do lurk frequently. Been following Linda''s story with much compassion. Often, older people really do not realize how they are acting and hurting other''s feelings. Diamondfan is right in that often they get defensive if you point it out. I''ve gone through this and it''s frustrating! It''s like everyone else can see it but they can''t.

I''ve got a question for you all. To make a long story short, my DH works weekends and nights (I work days), so the only day off we have together is today, Thurs., which I am often able to take off from work so we can have one day together. I have stayed at a job I dislike way too long for this convenience of being able to take this day off, as my current job is flexible. (I am job hunting right now hoping to find another job with flexible hours.)

Nana will often ask me on Wed. night, are you working tomorrow? When I say no, I can hear the wheels turning and she comes up with all of these things she wants me to do for her, usually accounting for a couple of hours and travling around doing errrands, going through her paperwork or checkbook, etc... Keep in mind I take her to her friend''s on Sundays and am always asking her on Saturdays if she needs anything, plus she has another friend who I take her to visit as well in another nursing home. Yet, she still asks me on Thursdays to help her out. I know she relies on me, and I feel bad, but honeslty, it bothers me that she chooses this one day as she knows I take it off to spend with my husband, whom I don''t see a lot of the week otherwise. When I''m not overly enthusiastic about doing things on Thursdays, I get the, well, excuse me for bothering you routine, and she tries to make me feel bad and sulks. Sigh. If I tell her Thursdays are off, she will get mad and probably not talk to me for three days. I''m at a loss here and don''t know what to do. I try to help her out, I really do, but I can''t hide my feelings from her very well and when she senses I''m not all happy to do it, she gets angry.

Keep in mind I have a father (with his own health problems), whom she refuses to ask, even though he has a car and is not working, because she knows I will do it and doesn''t want to deal with him complaining. He isn''t the most helpful person when it comes to her errands and needs. She would prefer to ask a stranger (senior bus) honestly than her own son, which is pretty sad.

Any advice would be appreciated!

 

[Ellen]

Hey dr, I''ve been wondering how you''re doing.

Honestly, while I hate to lie, in this case I would. Just tell her your schedule has changed, and you aren''t available on Thurs. anymore (this isn''t a TOTAL lie

). That you are available on *fill in* days, so for her to plan accordingly. You have every right to spend the day with your hubby.

And if she balks, well, she''ll get over it.





I just had a fun time at moms. Long story short, she spilled a whole bunch of liquid dish soap on the carpet in her laundry room. Kinda shag like carpet. Had to drag the wet vac over, pour on water, scrub, suck, repeat. I finally quit, I could have done that until the end of the week and not gotten it all out. And it''s red, so it stained. The carpet needs to go anyway, but that will be left for whoever buys the house.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 9/11/2008 1:53:52 PM
Author: Ellen
Hey dr, I''ve been wondering how you''re doing.

Honestly, while I hate to lie, in this case I would. Just tell her your schedule has changed, and you aren''t available on Thurs. anymore (this isn''t a TOTAL lie

). That you are available on *fill in* days, so for her to plan accordingly. You have every right to spend the day with your hubby.

And if she balks, well, she''ll get over it.





I just had a fun time at moms. Long story short, she spilled a whole bunch of liquid dish soap on the carpet in her laundry room. Kinda shag like carpet. Had to drag the wet vac over, pour on water, scrub, suck, repeat. I finally quit, I could have done that until the end of the week and not gotten it all out. And it''s red, so it stained. The carpet needs to go anyway, but that will be left for whoever buys the house.

Ditto what Ellen said. If you don''t look after yourself, no one will.

 

[Ellen]

Well, I "think" maybe, just maybe my mother is going to cut down on her supplements. My brother was in town this weekend, and apparently was shocked at how thin my mom is. Not sure why it hit him now, she's been painfully thin for a long time. But he decided she could possibly be doing more harm than good with all this stuff, and needed a good multi vit instead of half this stuff. Which I agree, but the woman needs food, she's down to 107. Now, it dawned on me part of that could be because she has very few teeth to chew with, she has been in the process of getting a lower partial, so few teeth for several weeks. I hope that's all it is.

So he took her to the health food store, and the gal that works there has known mom forever. She said she wouldn't sell her one thing without mom first bringing in everything she was taking.

So I took her out there today and the lady and her daughter went through everything. They took a few out permanently, she was doubling up. The rest she'll take, though when 3 of them are gone, she can take one that combines all three. And she will get them all there, no more ordering

It was really funny, at one point the lady had a bottle of something and said, Who told you to take this? Mom said, Doug Kaufmann. The lady said, Is that a doctor? And I said, No, it's some guy on TV. The lady just rolled her eyes and said, This guy doesn't even know you, quit listening to him.

Mom didn't like that much.

So we get home, discuss how things will go. I'm thinking, finally, maybe some resolve to this madness. So I go to the spare bedroom to get the extra stuff she had that my brother put aside, plus crap that's been there for who knows how long. I was going to get rid of it so it doesn't confuse her and/or she starts taking something she shouldn't. OH NO, she's going to take that stuff when this other runs out.

At this point, I'm like this --->

I said Mom, you can't do that, you'll mess up this whole plan we have. So then she says, Well I'm not going to just throw it away, I'll find someone who can take it. I said, First of all, you won't find anyone to take this stuff, and second of all, you've wasted so much money, it doesn't even matter. I put it all back.

I'm going over when she's gone and getting rid of it. Now, if I can just keep her from ordering anything else.....




Now, how is everyone else doing? I want to hear from you!

 

[diamondsrock]

Yikes Ellen! She had better be careful because people can get sick from too many supplements mixed together. I would be surprised if she doesn''t already have stomach aches. I am getting one just thinking about all those pills. Funny how some older people are so against taking pills and then others, like your mom, will hold onto them for dear life. It''s like she thinks she needs them. If you go over and throw them out without her permission, would she get overly upset with you and go out and buy more???

Hope you are all doing well! My grandmother''s niece is down visiting from Canada so she is taking over duties this week so to speak, which is good company for her. She has another eye injection next week so is already nervous about that. Her eyesight is really failing. She keeps thinking my air freshener in the car is a person in the road and it makes her nervous when we are in the car together.

She is just going to have to keep having the injections every so often to keep from going blind I guess.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/22/2008 9:38:09 PM
Author: diamondsrock
Yikes Ellen! She had better be careful because people can get sick from too many supplements mixed together. I would be surprised if she doesn't already have stomach aches. I am getting one just thinking about all those pills. Funny how some older people are so against taking pills and then others, like your mom, will hold onto them for dear life. It's like she thinks she needs them. If you go over and throw them out without her permission, would she get overly upset with you and go out and buy more???

Hope you are all doing well! My grandmother's niece is down visiting from Canada so she is taking over duties this week so to speak, which is good company for her. She has another eye injection next week so is already nervous about that. Her eyesight is really failing. She keeps thinking my air freshener in the car is a person in the road and it makes her nervous when we are in the car together.

She is just going to have to keep having the injections every so often to keep from going blind I guess.

lol If she gets them, she's never said. Honestly, she's been taking a boat load of stuff since I was a little kid, and probably longer.

I don't know if she'll even realize that stuff is gone. They are extras, and things that have sat on that shelf for years without her touching. (and it's not like she can clearly see what she has) I won't take them all at once. And there are a few Homeopathic things for specific ailments I will leave in case she ever needs them.

Talking about her thinking she needs them and holding onto them for dear life, you're not kidding. As I mentioned, when 3 of these things she is still taking run out, they will be replaced with one supplement. It dawned on her they will not all run out at the same time. For a brief moment she got kinda frantic and asked what we would do. I explained to her that nothing will happen (the lady at the health food store said the same thing, but she'd already forgotten that). I said, in fact, you could stop taking all these and I bet nothing would happen. She didn't like that of course, or believe it. We decided when two of these things ran out, we'd get the replacement. But yeah, it's like she thinks something drastic is going to happen if she doesn't take all this stuff. My hubby said last night, it's like she's addicted, it's just not to drugs.

I'm so glad to hear you are getting a slight reprieve, and that will be nice for her as well! Sorry to hear about her eyesight, I can surely sympathize. Maybe you could take the freshener down when she's in the car.

Thanks for checking in, and take care!

 

[justjulia]

Date: 9/22/2008 8:14:04 PM
Author: Ellen
Well, I ''think'' maybe, just maybe my mother is going to cut down on her supplements. My brother was in town this weekend, and apparently was shocked at how thin my mom is. Not sure why it hit him now, she''s been painfully thin for a long time. But he decided she could possibly be doing more harm than good with all this stuff, and needed a good multi vit instead of half this stuff. Which I agree, but the woman needs food, she''s down to 107. Now, it dawned on me part of that could be because she has very few teeth to chew with, she has been in the process of getting a lower partial, so few teeth for several weeks. I hope that''s all it is.

So he took her to the health food store, and the gal that works there has known mom forever. She said she wouldn''t sell her one thing without mom first bringing in everything she was taking.

So I took her out there today and the lady and her daughter went through everything. They took a few out permanently, she was doubling up. The rest she''ll take, though when 3 of them are gone, she can take one that combines all three. And she will get them all there, no more ordering

It was really funny, at one point the lady had a bottle of something and said, Who told you to take this? Mom said, Doug Kaufmann. The lady said, Is that a doctor? And I said, No, it''s some guy on TV. The lady just rolled her eyes and said, This guy doesn''t even know you, quit listening to him.

Mom didn''t like that much.

So we get home, discuss how things will go. I''m thinking, finally, maybe some resolve to this madness. So I go to the spare bedroom to get the extra stuff she had that my brother put aside, plus crap that''s been there for who knows how long. I was going to get rid of it so it doesn''t confuse her and/or she starts taking something she shouldn''t. OH NO, she''s going to take that stuff when this other runs out.

At this point, I''m like this --->

I said Mom, you can''t do that, you''ll mess up this whole plan we have. So then she says, Well I''m not going to just throw it away, I''ll find someone who can take it. I said, First of all, you won''t find anyone to take this stuff, and second of all, you''ve wasted so much money, it doesn''t even matter. I put it all back.

I''m going over when she''s gone and getting rid of it. Now, if I can just keep her from ordering anything else.....




Now, how is everyone else doing? I want to hear from you!

Yeah, I know what you are going through. You need to go ahead and quietly move it to your house. Tell her you are storing it at your home. Out of sight, out of mind.

Is there any way to get her physician to stop the supplements altogether and issue a prescription mega vitamin? The idea being he is putting all that "good stuff" into "one easy to take pill." Maybe if the dr says the supps are no longer needed she will believe it? ...Tell her the dr is asking her to turn in all her bottles to him at the visit. And maybe this visit can be accompanied by required blood work, and then he can tell her that "based on the results of the bloodwork this is what you need to do..." Just a thought.

Can you hide her credit card?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/23/2008 6:45:52 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 9/22/2008 8:14:04 PM
Author: Ellen
Well, I 'think' maybe, just maybe my mother is going to cut down on her supplements. My brother was in town this weekend, and apparently was shocked at how thin my mom is. Not sure why it hit him now, she's been painfully thin for a long time. But he decided she could possibly be doing more harm than good with all this stuff, and needed a good multi vit instead of half this stuff. Which I agree, but the woman needs food, she's down to 107. Now, it dawned on me part of that could be because she has very few teeth to chew with, she has been in the process of getting a lower partial, so few teeth for several weeks. I hope that's all it is.

So he took her to the health food store, and the gal that works there has known mom forever. She said she wouldn't sell her one thing without mom first bringing in everything she was taking.

So I took her out there today and the lady and her daughter went through everything. They took a few out permanently, she was doubling up. The rest she'll take, though when 3 of them are gone, she can take one that combines all three. And she will get them all there, no more ordering

It was really funny, at one point the lady had a bottle of something and said, Who told you to take this? Mom said, Doug Kaufmann. The lady said, Is that a doctor? And I said, No, it's some guy on TV. The lady just rolled her eyes and said, This guy doesn't even know you, quit listening to him.

Mom didn't like that much.

So we get home, discuss how things will go. I'm thinking, finally, maybe some resolve to this madness. So I go to the spare bedroom to get the extra stuff she had that my brother put aside, plus crap that's been there for who knows how long. I was going to get rid of it so it doesn't confuse her and/or she starts taking something she shouldn't. OH NO, she's going to take that stuff when this other runs out.

At this point, I'm like this --->

I said Mom, you can't do that, you'll mess up this whole plan we have. So then she says, Well I'm not going to just throw it away, I'll find someone who can take it. I said, First of all, you won't find anyone to take this stuff, and second of all, you've wasted so much money, it doesn't even matter. I put it all back.

I'm going over when she's gone and getting rid of it. Now, if I can just keep her from ordering anything else.....




Now, how is everyone else doing? I want to hear from you!

Yeah, I know what you are going through. You need to go ahead and quietly move it to your house. Tell her you are storing it at your home. Out of sight, out of mind.

Is there any way to get her physician to stop the supplements altogether and issue a prescription mega vitamin? The idea being he is putting all that 'good stuff' into 'one easy to take pill.' Maybe if the dr says the supps are no longer needed she will believe it? ...Tell her the dr is asking her to turn in all her bottles to him at the visit. And maybe this visit can be accompanied by required blood work, and then he can tell her that 'based on the results of the bloodwork this is what you need to do...' Just a thought.

Can you hide her credit card?

JJ,. great suggestions as usual. I think you should bag the stuff up and take it to the next doctors appointment. Show him/her what all she is taking. Or take her to the doc, and then hand him the bag afterwards and say what is this doing to her??
My Father is a huge supplelement fan. I see jars and jars of meds in the kitchen.

Dad and I are going through a very rough time. I had to get off the phone with him. He's miserable, and is taking it out on me in a very passive aggressive way. I was abused by him since I was little. That's why taking care of him at this stage in the game is a killer.

Luckily, I found my voice ages ago. So I am not buying into his tirades. It's a shame for all involved. Luckily, my family is behind me 100%

This thread makes me sane. I do have friends who are going through this, but some things, I just have to keep private.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 9/24/2008 12:03:42 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 9/23/2008 6:45:52 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 9/22/2008 8:14:04 PM
Author: Ellen
Well, I ''think'' maybe, just maybe my mother is going to cut down on her supplements. My brother was in town this weekend, and apparently was shocked at how thin my mom is. Not sure why it hit him now, she''s been painfully thin for a long time. But he decided she could possibly be doing more harm than good with all this stuff, and needed a good multi vit instead of half this stuff. Which I agree, but the woman needs food, she''s down to 107. Now, it dawned on me part of that could be because she has very few teeth to chew with, she has been in the process of getting a lower partial, so few teeth for several weeks. I hope that''s all it is.

So he took her to the health food store, and the gal that works there has known mom forever. She said she wouldn''t sell her one thing without mom first bringing in everything she was taking.

So I took her out there today and the lady and her daughter went through everything. They took a few out permanently, she was doubling up. The rest she''ll take, though when 3 of them are gone, she can take one that combines all three. And she will get them all there, no more ordering

It was really funny, at one point the lady had a bottle of something and said, Who told you to take this? Mom said, Doug Kaufmann. The lady said, Is that a doctor? And I said, No, it''s some guy on TV. The lady just rolled her eyes and said, This guy doesn''t even know you, quit listening to him.

Mom didn''t like that much.

So we get home, discuss how things will go. I''m thinking, finally, maybe some resolve to this madness. So I go to the spare bedroom to get the extra stuff she had that my brother put aside, plus crap that''s been there for who knows how long. I was going to get rid of it so it doesn''t confuse her and/or she starts taking something she shouldn''t. OH NO, she''s going to take that stuff when this other runs out.

At this point, I''m like this --->

I said Mom, you can''t do that, you''ll mess up this whole plan we have. So then she says, Well I''m not going to just throw it away, I''ll find someone who can take it. I said, First of all, you won''t find anyone to take this stuff, and second of all, you''ve wasted so much money, it doesn''t even matter. I put it all back.

I''m going over when she''s gone and getting rid of it. Now, if I can just keep her from ordering anything else.....




Now, how is everyone else doing? I want to hear from you!

Yeah, I know what you are going through. You need to go ahead and quietly move it to your house. Tell her you are storing it at your home. Out of sight, out of mind.

Is there any way to get her physician to stop the supplements altogether and issue a prescription mega vitamin? The idea being he is putting all that ''good stuff'' into ''one easy to take pill.'' Maybe if the dr says the supps are no longer needed she will believe it? ...Tell her the dr is asking her to turn in all her bottles to him at the visit. And maybe this visit can be accompanied by required blood work, and then he can tell her that ''based on the results of the bloodwork this is what you need to do...'' Just a thought.

Can you hide her credit card?

JJ,. great suggestions as usual. I think you should bag the stuff up and take it to the next doctors appointment. Show him/her what all she is taking. Or take her to the doc, and then hand him the bag afterwards and say what is this doing to her??
My Father is a huge supplelement fan. I see jars and jars of meds in the kitchen.

Dad and I are going through a very rough time. I had to get off the phone with him. He''s miserable, and is taking it out on me in a very passive aggressive way. I was abused by him since I was little. That''s why taking care of him at this stage in the game is a killer.

Luckily, I found my voice ages ago. So I am not buying into his tirades. It''s a shame for all involved. Luckily, my family is behind me 100%

This thread makes me sane. I do have friends who are going through this, but some things, I just have to keep private.

Oh the joys of passive aggressiveness. The gift that keeps on giving..
It''s a shame that people just keep using those old strategies when really they make them their own worst enemy.
You are earning your angel wings.
I found that stopping in my tracks and saying, "That isn''t nice," "You are saying mean things right now," "It hurts me when you say...." was my only recourse. I''m glad you found your voice and can stand up for yourself. --there isn''t any excuse for blatant abuse; I don''t care how old, tired, or ill.

I vowed to myself (and outloud to my daughter) that I will not become a mean old fart. (and that''s the other piece of the puzzle...where the double hockey sticks did my sense of humor go in all this care taking???? I''m only now finding it again...) It''s like in the movie Moonstruck when the grandfather says, "Somebody tell a joke." I mean really.

I know something that helped in those rough moments was to also say, "I know you are scared, but you are going to get through this. This is today. It''s going to pass" to my mother. (Even when I felt like screaming at her instead.) I think the fear of the unknown, of losing control, of giving in--it''s all too much for them. Death is scary stuff.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/23/2008 6:45:52 PM
Author: justjulia
Yeah, I know what you are going through. You need to go ahead and quietly move it to your house. Tell her you are storing it at your home. Out of sight, out of mind.

Is there any way to get her physician to stop the supplements altogether and issue a prescription mega vitamin? The idea being he is putting all that 'good stuff' into 'one easy to take pill.' Maybe if the dr says the supps are no longer needed she will believe it? ...Tell her the dr is asking her to turn in all her bottles to him at the visit. And maybe this visit can be accompanied by required blood work, and then he can tell her that 'based on the results of the bloodwork this is what you need to do...' Just a thought.

Can you hide her credit card?

Don't I wish! However, a thought has occurred to me.

All her mail comes to me. So, should a new package arrive, I'm simply going to write Retun To Sender on it and mail it right back. Problem solved.

And about showing the doc the supplements, and her listening to him? Please, we're talking my mother here. She doesn't listen to anybody but herself most of the time. And, it's already been done a long time ago. They told her they weren't going to harm her, but they probaby weren't doing anything FOR her either. Which she ignored of course. She also had a heart attack back in 2000. They put her on two meds, she didn't like the way they made her feel, and quit taking them. She didn't care of the possible repercussions, but luckily hasn't had another one.

Good to hear from you miss! And I'm really glad to hear your sense of humor is coming back.

Lisa, thanks for updating us. I'm sorry things aren't going well, but yes, angel wings indeed are being earned. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Linda W]

Hi Ellen,

You poor thing dealing with all those supplements UGH!!! I wish they would take those dang commercials off of TV, I see them all the time. What a great idea about writing Return to Sender HA!!! Smart idea Miss Ellen!!! Your mother is about as stubborn as mine is. At 59, my mom treats me like I am still 3 years old, drives me insane.


Lisa: I can''t begin to tell you how sorry I am, you are going through a hard time with your father. I am sending you a lot of hugs my friend. You know we are always here for you sweetheart.

love, Linda
xoxoxoxoxoxox

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/24/2008 12:51:27 PM
Author: Linda W
Hi Ellen,

You poor thing dealing with all those supplements UGH!!! I wish they would take those dang commercials off of TV, I see them all the time. What a great idea about writing Return to Sender HA!!! Smart idea Miss Ellen!!! Your mother is about as stubborn as mine is. At 59, my mom treats me like I am still 3 years old, drives me insane.


Lisa: I can''t begin to tell you how sorry I am, you are going through a hard time with your father. I am sending you a lot of hugs my friend. You know we are always here for you sweetheart.

love, Linda
xoxoxoxoxoxox

No kidding. The lady at the health food store threatened to cut moms cable TV off.

And yes, nobody listens to me either cuz I''m the baby, at 48.

Which makes me being in charge incredibly ironic....

Thanks you, good to hear from you!

 

[Linda W]

I know what you mean Ellen. My mom listens more to my brother then me.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/24/2008 3:31:15 PM
Author: Linda W
I know what you mean Ellen. My mom listens more to my brother then me.

Well that's because men are smarter don'tcha know.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 9/24/2008 3:32:22 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/24/2008 3:31:15 PM
Author: Linda W
I know what you mean Ellen. My mom listens more to my brother then me.

Well that''s because men are smarter don''tcha know.

...spewing my sweet tea everywhere...

It''s because men back down faster than women. I''d like to have seen my brother try to get my mother to take a bath, or tell her she couldn''t take her 21 meds 2 hours after she just took them.

Men are trained to say what women want to hear.

 

[Kaleigh]

Things are getting worse with my Dad. He''s very manic. Making poor decisions, is now involved in a huge scam. My Aunt, my husband tried talking sense into him. I sent a nice email saying why it''s a scam. Now he''s furious with everyone. He''s using language he wouldn''t normally use. He even called my husband today, out of a meeting saying it was urgent. It wasn''t urgent, he just wanted a reply to an email he sent to my husband about this windfall investment that is a scam.


I want to use my POA, and am documenting all the emails in the mean time.

Has anyone else been through this??

I could use some help.

My husband owns an investment firm, and has limited time to help. He''s been a saint to him, very patient, but wants no part of him right now. I can''t blame him, I gave up ages ago.

Any advice?

Yes I should call the doc, but don''t know who is he using, he fired the last one....

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/24/2008 6:18:31 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 9/24/2008 3:32:22 PM

Author: Ellen

Date: 9/24/2008 3:31:15 PM

Author: Linda W

I know what you mean Ellen. My mom listens more to my brother then me.

Well that''s because men are smarter don''tcha know.

...spewing my sweet tea everywhere...


It''s because men back down faster than women. I''d like to have seen my brother try to get my mother to take a bath, or tell her she couldn''t take her 21 meds 2 hours after she just took them.


Men are trained to say what women want to hear.

I wish that was the case Julia. My bro is very bossy ha ha ha ha ha

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/24/2008 8:49:22 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Things are getting worse with my Dad. He''s very manic. Making poor decisions, is now involved in a huge scam. My Aunt, my husband tried talking sense into him. I sent a nice email saying why it''s a scam. Now he''s furious with everyone. He''s using language he wouldn''t normally use. He even called my husband today, out of a meeting saying it was urgent. It wasn''t urgent, he just wanted a reply to an email he sent to my husband about this windfall investment that is a scam.



I want to use my POA, and am documenting all the emails in the mean time.


Has anyone else been through this??


I could use some help.


My husband owns an investment firm, and has limited time to help. He''s been a saint to him, very patient, but wants no part of him right now. I can''t blame him, I gave up ages ago.


Any advice?


Yes I should call the doc, but don''t know who is he using, he fired the last one....

Oh no Lisa, this is awful. Can you take full control of his money, so he isn''t making any investments at all? Sounds like he isn''t making wise decisions. I hope you can find out, who is doctor is. Will your mom tell you?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/24/2008 8:56:41 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 9/24/2008 8:49:22 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Things are getting worse with my Dad. He's very manic. Making poor decisions, is now involved in a huge scam. My Aunt, my husband tried talking sense into him. I sent a nice email saying why it's a scam. Now he's furious with everyone. He's using language he wouldn't normally use. He even called my husband today, out of a meeting saying it was urgent. It wasn't urgent, he just wanted a reply to an email he sent to my husband about this windfall investment that is a scam.



I want to use my POA, and am documenting all the emails in the mean time.


Has anyone else been through this??


I could use some help.


My husband owns an investment firm, and has limited time to help. He's been a saint to him, very patient, but wants no part of him right now. I can't blame him, I gave up ages ago.


Any advice?


Yes I should call the doc, but don't know who is he using, he fired the last one....

Oh no Lisa, this is awful. Can you take full control of his money, so he isn't making any investments at all? Sounds like he isn't making wise decisions. I hope you can find out, who is doctor is. Will your mom tell you?

Linda,
Thanks!! Mom is out of the loop, and heavily medicated. He does what he wants , when he wants. I am tired of picking up all the pieces in the aftermath. I guess my next step is to talk with the lawyer. I am backed by all my family members. Makes me feel a tad better, knowing I have their support. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What a way to end a relationship. Not that we ever had one, but I had forgiven him... His loss. Life goes on. I'll be ok.

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

Yes, that is the best way to go, to talk to a lawyer before he looses all of his money through more scams. That way you will be in charge of it. I am so sorry, you have to go through this crapola.

I am sending you a great big hug.

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks Linda, will let you know how it goes, not wanting to jump into the pool tomorrow, but in a few days I will take that leap.

JJ, and Ellen, thanks!!! I meant to respond to you earlier. HUGS.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/24/2008 9:25:23 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Linda,
Thanks!! Mom is out of the loop, and heavily medicated. He does what he wants , when he wants. I am tired of picking up all the pieces in the aftermath. I guess my next step is to talk with the lawyer. I am backed by all my family members. Makes me feel a tad better, knowing I have their support. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What a way to end a relationship. Not that we ever had one, but I had forgiven him... His loss. Life goes on. I'll be ok.

That was going to be my suggestion.

I was POA for dad, exclusively acting on everything, and am POA w/my brother for my mom. The difference is, they both were in agreement that I do it, as they couldn't/can't. Mom is not really aware that I'm now making decisions with her portfolio. I just told the firm she has ALZ and does not think rationally enough, nor comprehend enough to do it herself. All I had to do was send them a copy of my POA. (and we had been in together before)

But your situation is different, and you may need to go to court to have him declared incompetent. Glad to hear your documenting all emails. I would also have a copy of any records from the doctors you do know about sent to the lawyer. The more you have, the better the case for this.


I really feel for you Lisa, I can only imagine how hard this is. Like I said, my situation is different, but I do wonder if at some point I won't have to assert my authority (like taking away charge card, etc.) where it might get ugly, and I do not look forward to it.

Please keep us updated when you can, I think of you often.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/24/2008 6:18:31 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 9/24/2008 3:32:22 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/24/2008 3:31:15 PM
Author: Linda W
I know what you mean Ellen. My mom listens more to my brother then me.

Well that''s because men are smarter don''tcha know.

...spewing my sweet tea everywhere...

It''s because men back down faster than women. I''d like to have seen my brother try to get my mother to take a bath, or tell her she couldn''t take her 21 meds 2 hours after she just took them.

Men are trained to say what women want to hear.

julia, I forgot to respond to this earler! You may have something there, but with my mom, it would be a mix of both at best. She''s always thought he was the smartest of us kids. And ya know what, book wise he is, but the man doesn''t have a lot of common sense.