Caring for the elderly.

[Linda W]

Oh No Lisa, I am so sorry to hear this. Please know I am thinking of you and sending prayers for your father.

If you feel like talking, you know we are here for you.

Lots of love to you,
Linda

 

[diamondsrock]

Lisa, I''m sorry to hear this. My mil''s mom had stomach cancer, and she was quite the trooper through it all. Maybe it will turn out to be something less serioius, you never know.
Keep us updated and hang in there. Sending prayers your way.

 

[Ellen]

Lisa, I''m so sorry to hear this. Please keep us updated when you can.

Prayers for you all.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:02:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Lisa, I''m so sorry to hear this. Please keep us updated when you can.

Prayers for you all.

Ditto.

 

[justjulia]

I''m sorry to hear this, too. I hope you get some better news, soon.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/17/2008 11:49:14 AM
Author: diamondsrock
Lisa, I''m sorry to hear this. My mil''s mom had stomach cancer, and she was quite the trooper through it all. Maybe it will turn out to be something less serioius, you never know.
Keep us updated and hang in there. Sending prayers your way.

Good to know diamondsrock. Thanks for the prayers, they are greatly appreciated.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:02:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Lisa, I''m so sorry to hear this. Please keep us updated when you can.

Prayers for you all.

Thanks sweetie, you know how it goes... Hanging in for now, and appreciate your great advice, and your prayers.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:10:31 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/17/2008 12:02:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please keep us updated when you can.

Prayers for you all.

Ditto.

Thanks miss Lorelie,
Gosh you have been through a lot, and have always been there for me. I am hoping you don't have a summer full of pants weather, give Jasmine a kiss from me.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 5/16/2008 9:41:09 PM

Author: Kaleigh

I haven''t checked in for a while. Things are rough here, my Dad is ill. Tests are pointing to stomach cancer.

I haven''t been able to keep up with this thread, but when I saw people talking to you about stomach cancer, I had to go find the posting that started the discussion, Lisa.

Has the diagnosis been confirmed? I do not want to jump the gun. If it can be something else, I certainly hope it turns out to be! My mother-in-law had stomach cancer, but it was at least ten years ago. I am sure that treatments have advanced greatly since then. I will be hoping that if it is cancer that your father''s cancer is quickly sent into remission.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/17/2008 3:02:28 PM
Author: justjulia
I'm sorry to hear this, too. I hope you get some better news, soon.

THanks JJ. I am sad too, but will know more next week. He lost a ton of weight so rapidly, and is so very weak. It's all complicated, as you add depression into the mix.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 5/17/2008 8:30:16 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/17/2008 3:02:28 PM

Author: justjulia

I''m sorry to hear this, too. I hope you get some better news, soon.

THanks JJ. I am sad too, but will know more next week. He lost a ton of weight so rapidly, and is so very weak. It''s all complicated, as you add depression into the mix.

Ugh is right. If she is wheezing, I''m willing to bet that by now it is COPD, and you will not be able to stop using the nebulizer completely. I don''t have a lot of faith in the patch. It totally did not work with my mother. Albeit, she enjoyed smoking and did not really want to contribute to stopping herself. We tried the patch several times and each time it made her very nauseous. (I think she enjoyed the act of holding the cig and breathing it in...I don''t know...but she''d done it since age 13, so there you go.) At any rate, our dr advised us to go with the flow because it was something pleasurable for her when not a whole lot else was. (I''ve read that the antidepressant Wellbutrin helps curb cigarette cravings...) (My mother was already on zoloft-which had little effect.) She was terminally ill at that point, though--so a much different story from your mother. Does your mother want to quit? (Cause you can''t stay on the patch indefinitely.)
Is your dad taking a liquid supplement? Does he like milkshakes? Sometimes cold thick liquids are better tolerated. (Try a "drive thru" real milkshake, or put drinks like Boost in the refrigerator before serving.) I hope it''s not cancer. He''s been through so much already.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/17/2008 10:30:27 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 5/17/2008 8:30:16 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/17/2008 3:02:28 PM

Author: justjulia

I'm sorry to hear this, too. I hope you get some better news, soon.

THanks JJ. I am sad too, but will know more next week. He lost a ton of weight so rapidly, and is so very weak. It's all complicated, as you add depression into the mix.

Ugh is right. If she is wheezing, I'm willing to bet that by now it is COPD, and you will not be able to stop using the nebulizer completely. I don't have a lot of faith in the patch. It totally did not work with my mother. Albeit, she enjoyed smoking and did not really want to contribute to stopping herself. We tried the patch several times and each time it made her very nauseous. (I think she enjoyed the act of holding the cig and breathing it in...I don't know...but she'd done it since age 13, so there you go.) At any rate, our dr advised us to go with the flow because it was something pleasurable for her when not a whole lot else was. (I've read that the antidepressant Wellbutrin helps curb cigarette cravings...) (My mother was already on zoloft-which had little effect.) She was terminally ill at that point, though--so a much different story from your mother. Does your mother want to quit? (Cause you can't stay on the patch indefinitely.)
Is your dad taking a liquid supplement? Does he like milkshakes? Sometimes cold thick liquids are better tolerated. (Try a 'drive thru' real milkshake, or put drinks like Boost in the refrigerator before serving.) I hope it's not cancer. He's been through so much already.

He's drinking ensure chocolate flavor, and mixes it with some ice cream. He's loving that.

Thanks JJ!!!

 

[justjulia]

Date: 5/17/2008 11:00:32 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/17/2008 10:30:27 PM

Author: justjulia

Date: 5/17/2008 8:30:16 PM

Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/17/2008 3:02:28 PM


Author: justjulia


I''m sorry to hear this, too. I hope you get some better news, soon.

THanks JJ. I am sad too, but will know more next week. He lost a ton of weight so rapidly, and is so very weak. It''s all complicated, as you add depression into the mix.

Ugh is right. If she is wheezing, I''m willing to bet that by now it is COPD, and you will not be able to stop using the nebulizer completely. I don''t have a lot of faith in the patch. It totally did not work with my mother. Albeit, she enjoyed smoking and did not really want to contribute to stopping herself. We tried the patch several times and each time it made her very nauseous. (I think she enjoyed the act of holding the cig and breathing it in...I don''t know...but she''d done it since age 13, so there you go.) At any rate, our dr advised us to go with the flow because it was something pleasurable for her when not a whole lot else was. (I''ve read that the antidepressant Wellbutrin helps curb cigarette cravings...) (My mother was already on zoloft-which had little effect.) She was terminally ill at that point, though--so a much different story from your mother. Does your mother want to quit? (Cause you can''t stay on the patch indefinitely.)

Is your dad taking a liquid supplement? Does he like milkshakes? Sometimes cold thick liquids are better tolerated. (Try a ''drive thru'' real milkshake, or put drinks like Boost in the refrigerator before serving.) I hope it''s not cancer. He''s been through so much already.

He''s drinking ensure chocolate flavor, and mixes it with some ice cream. He''s loving that.


Thanks JJ!!!

It''s okay. I''ve been there. The total of what you said came in my in box-(before edit?). Don''t sweat it because there is nothing you can do, really. It''s hard to watch people do things when you know that you are the one trying to follow behind cleaning it all up, over and over. And it hurts to see them do it.

 

[Kaleigh]

We got the test results back, Dad will be annoying me for many years to come.

No cancer, woohoo.

My Aunt had him dying of colon cancer, I thought it was pancreatic cancer. He''s severly anemic, had a sudden weight loss, and was in pain. So we were all bracing ourselves, but all is fine. The depression we can deal with. His prostate is fine too, took him today for an exam. so a big sigh of relief. He''s got a great psychiatrist, thanks to my friend, who made a call for me. He''s going to have to work with him, getting his mind in a better place. I am working on a volunteer job, so that he can get his mind off of him, and give back, it''s a charity that is near and dear to me. And he get''s to get out of the house and let Mom fend for herself, which is a good thing. She''s very capable, but lazy. He has been doing eveything for her....

I have gotten many emails of prayers, and support. I swear, this has really been a roller coaster, but my mindset is one of gratitude. We doged a big bullet here, and did so 2 weeks ago with my cousin who had a lemon sized tumor in her throat, mother of 3. So I am thanking god, our family is ok. Phew. Knocking on wood now, don''t want to jinx anything.

 

[Ellen]

Lisa, this really is terrific news!

I hope your dad begins to improve soon, and I also hope he appreciates what a great daughter he has.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/20/2008 8:37:26 PM
Author: Ellen
Lisa, this really is terrific news!

I hope your dad begins to improve soon, and I also hope he appreciates what a great daughter he has.

Ditto, I am so happy!!!

 

[diamondfan]

Lisa, I am so glad about your dad. I really did not think he had cancer, somehow, my sixth sense was operating. You have a challenge ahead but are a wonderful daughter and they are blessed you are able and willing to be there for them!]

 

[Linda W]

Oh Lisa, I am SO happy to hear this wonderful news.

You are such a wonderful and loving daughter to be taking care of your parents.

Lots of love to you.

Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks Ellen, Skippy, DF and Linda. Huge sigh of relief here.

He reminds me of Nanny. I spent so much time with Nanny in the waiting rooms of Doctors. He had complained to me in the car that he''s bored. I said well you could... He cut me off, I am not there yet. He knew I was going to bring up the volunteer thing. So while waiting for the Doc , we were going over what he should buy for dinner at this little Italian place I love, all prepared foods, a no brainer. He says but how do I cook it. I said put the chicken with the sauce in a sauce pot, and heat it up. He said, but then I would have to sit there and stir it.

I said, well yeah, that''s what people do!!

I said look you are bored, this will give you something to do.

He grumbled something about how he has to watch FOX news. I said fine, let Mom stir the pot ( double meaning, hehe). His reponse was that would be great but she has to watch Brian Williams. I nodded my head, like ok, have nothing to say to that.

But the people in the waiting room smiled at me, knowing glances, of yeah, I know where you are in all of this...


Being abused and parenting the abuser is never easy. But forgiveness has made the road a less bumpy one. I had to let go, did it a while ago, just never shared that with myself.

 

[diamondfan]

Lisa, it is wonderful you could forgive and help them. Shows what a special person you are. When he starts in and is not going to be pleased no matter what you say in response, you could just shrug and say, Oh well, Dad, guess you will figure it out. I have faith in your ability to do that. Or day, Dad, I am sure you can think of something, I am fresh out of ideas since you just nixed them all...and smile a big smile at him.

That kind of nay saying no matter your answer is tough...you come up with plan B and it is shot down as is plan C and plan D...eventually you run out of ideas.

Sometimes when Greg''s mom starts in I shrug and say, Oh, gosh, don''t know what to tell you. THIS is the selection of cereals I have right now. I am sure you can find one you like. If she keeps saying she can''t, I say, have some toast then. And then I leave the room!

 

[Kaleigh]

I know DF. I am all about getting him to make decisions for himself. Have been doing that since they moved back. I am not getting into the mode of doing all for them. They are able and capable. So it may be a bit of tough love for a while. But will be infused with humor, he loves my jokes and comebacks. He''s too slow to compete now, but it keeps him on his toes.

I take one day at a time. If I could schedule a week free of problems, well let me know how to do that... Or a month?? A year?? It''s crazy for all of us, we do our level best.

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

It is so hard to get them to make their own decisions isn''t it? You are such a wonderful daughter and have taken on so much.

Wish I lived closer to you because I would certainly give you a big hug.

Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/21/2008 12:58:32 AM
Author: Linda W
Lisa,

It is so hard to get them to make their own decisions isn''t it? You are such a wonderful daughter and have taken on so much.

Wish I lived closer to you because I would certainly give you a big hug.

Linda

Awww, thanks Linda, you are a dear one. I wish I could hug you back.

 

[Ellen]

Lisa, just remember, he didn''t get this way overnight, and it won''t go away overnight. But he will get there, with your help!

And here, just for you --->

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/17/2008 8:11:00 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/17/2008 12:10:31 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/17/2008 12:02:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please keep us updated when you can.

Prayers for you all.

Ditto.

Thanks miss Lorelie,
Gosh you have been through a lot, and have always been there for me. I am hoping you don't have a summer full of pants weather, give Jasmine a kiss from me.

I am glad to help in any way I can, I will definitely give Jasmine a big kiss from Aunty Lisa! The weather isn't looking too promising by the way, pants weather still threatens!

 

[Linda W]

Lorelie,

I will GLADLY, give you my hot California weather for your pants weather anytime you want. Especially July, August and September. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TAKE IT.

Love,
Linda

 

[diamondsrock]

Yay Lisa! What great news! So glad to hear that and was wondering how he made out.

Gotta say it''s been a rough week. Nana has been not so good this week, with really bad anxiety. She had an injection in her eye on Monday (she has macular degeneration) and was very nervous about it. This is her one good eye so I understand her anxiety, but it went well, she can see a bit better already, but she''s still a nervous wreck. Her niece is visiting from Canada and is trying to be good company for her, but it''s tough. She is very depressed, talks about how she wishes she could just go to sleep and not wake up

Very upsetting to hear hear talk about that. Her family dr. put her on zoloft last Friday so I''m hoping that will help, although it''s not an immediate fix. It takes a while and her patience is not so good these days. She wants to feel better today. This morning she thought she was having a heart attack so called the ambulance, but at the hospital the dr. said it was a panic attack, which is better news of course.
She has been very emotional lately, crying, asking me to sell my home and buy one with an in-law apartment for her, then saying she wants to go to assisted living, etc....To be honest I''m pretty burned out right about now. I don''t feel she would be happy anywhere at this point. Her best friend is in the nursing home and doesn''t look like she''ll be leaving so that has been hard. Also, she gave up driving and being as fiercely independent as she is that has been very, very difficult for her. I always hear how she used to drive, used to do things, etc....I don''t think she can accept the fact that she is 86 and her activities are limited. I know she has valid reasons to be depressed, but she is beyond that. Also, she enjoys getting sympathy, attention, etc....like many older people. I"m not saying that''s a bad thing, but it can become problematic. She was telling her physical therapist last week about her woes trying to get sympathy and I just had to put my head down and read my book and keep quiet! She will tell pretty much anyone who will listen, and believe me, I listen A LOT.
Just venting....sorry for the rant!

 

[Ellen]

dr, I''m really sorry to her your nana is not doing so well. But you''re right, she has a lot to deal with all of a sudden. Her friends gone, her driving is gone (and therefore much independence), and her sight is partially gone. I can just imagine how bleak life must look. And my mom went through the same thing, as she has MD also, and had to quit driving a few years ago. It really hits them hard. Hopefully the med will kick in soon. Does she get talking books? that has helped a little with my mom.

Hang in there, and when you need a break, just take it. You need "your" time to energize. It''s tough.


Also, what is this injection she got, if you don''t mind my asking.

 

[diamondsrock]

Sure, it's called Lucentis and it's for her type of macular. Without this shot I know she would have been completely blind by now. She had 2 shots last year, had one the other day, and is scheduled for another in 6 weeks. I'm not sure how they work exactly, but so glad they came up with this. There has been an improvement for sure with her vision, not 100% of course, but better. She will just have to get them every so often as needed I guess. Her macular is pretty advanced so any help she can get is really good.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, by the way. It's pretty rough to get old and I never realized the magnitude of issues they deal with until now.
By the way, in case anyone is interested, there is a documentary out there called Andrew Jenks Room 335. It's about this young college student who spends time in a nursing home. It is amazing. He gets to know the patients and sees what life is like for them. I saw a lot of what my grandmother goes through in some of those folks. It'll bring tears to your eyes for sure. It's a movie anyone dealing with the elderly can relate to. Here's the website
http://www.andrewjenksroom335.com/

 

[Ellen]

Thanks for the link, I''ll check into that.


Funny, I''ll have to ask my mom about these injections, I''ve never heard her mention them. And she has been all over the states, and talked to I don''t know who about treatments. She has it pretty bad, and one eye is wet, one is dry, and one has a cataract. Not good.

Thanks for the info!