somethingshiny
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2007
- Messages
- 6,746
Well, first I must admit that I didn''t read the entire thread before posting. (THANK GOD! My toddler keeps me going!)
My husband and I tried to conceive since the day we were married. I was 19, he was 21. We endured many miscarriages and procedures for six years. Then, by the grace of God, we got our miracle. Our son is eighteen months old. I don''t know how I got through one day without him! The way he tugs on my sleeve and says "MAMA, daaaa!" Which means, "Mom, dance with me!"
For those still interested in the story with a happy ending, here''s the rest.
As I said, my husband and I were both quite young and healthy. We got married so we could start our family. We wanted 4-5 children by the time I was thirty. (Now, 30 is just around the bend)
I first found out I was pregnant on our one year anniversary. The doctor did an US and showed my the embryo. (I had been seeing the doc because we thought after nine months, I should get checked out.) First conception, natural. The dr sent me for work immediately. The work showed problems, and I was told that I would abort in the next few weeks (BTW- I d that they used the term abort!) I didn''t understand and was so confused. I was YOUNG and HEALTHY. 20 year olds don''t have this problem.
Anyway, we continued to go to the doc. I had a hystosalpingogram (Mine didn''t hurt at all. My tubes weren''t blocked. However, as I was lying spread eagle facing an open door, I asked ever so kindly for someone to shut it before I rammed someone''s head through it.) I took Clomid off and on for nearly a year. I got pregnant a couple times. I never told anyone when I was, though. I miscarried within the first few weeks each time. Then, I quit the Clomid because it was making me miserable.
Another couple miscarriages. Then, I switched docs. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS. I had laproscopic surgery to remove all the gunk. Then, I had to have lupron injections to stop all the hormones, and was put on a couple to lessen the side effects. However, my estrogen level was lower than a menopausal woman. SO, in there I was in my twenties, going through hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings. I finally told the doctor that I couldn''t do it anymore. He deemed the treatment successful and I was told I would get pregnant soon.
Well, over a year later. I conceived and miscarried again. We were told that IVF wasn''t really an option for us because I could conceive, just not carry.
I saw 14 babies born in my family during this time. And, I saw my brother''s friend get pregnant and have an abortion. My husband and I went to my brother and his friend together and separately to tell them that we would take the baby. They decided to abort instead.
Now, the personal part. (like the above wasn''t personal enough!) I would pray literally a hundred times a day for God to let me get pregnant, carry full term, and give birth to a perfectly healthy child that would never have to endure the things I did growing up. (almost verbatim.) (I did this since the first miscarriage) It began to consume me so entirely, I couldn''t concentrate at work (not good when you''re messing with people''s eyes!) I would be completely lost during a conversation because I was constantly counting days and reviewing temps. I was miserable. Finally, one night, I sat down on my bed and prayed all night long. (my husband worked third shift) I just started telling God that I couldn''t continue like that. I needed to be able to enjoy all of the blessings and opportunities that He''d given me and I was unable to while I was obsessing. I asked God to take the burden, and if He found it time to give us a child, that would be great, but I wasn''t going to continue to ask. I cried and prayed for seven straight hours. I finally fell asleep after the sun rose. I slept for about an hour and woke up completely happy and feeling like I had slept a full night. I went to work that day with a smile on my face and never obsessed again. I was given many opportunities over the following months. We took vacations, met new friends, my husband and I fell in love all over again. We also had some hard times follow. (with our extended families and finances.) Eventually everything worked itself out.
Then, my husband got a great job, we moved to a new town, and that month, we got pregnant. I knew that it was different. I felt happy and excited and could actually picture myself holding this baby. I was a high risk pregnancy. I had countless tests, samples, and ultrasounds. Everything always looked great. Especially when I saw my little baby''s heart beat for the first time. That "woosh woosh" sound, and seeing the little guy pumping! It''s a feeling I''ll never forget!
Then, when I FINALLY had him...it was like in the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy first sees Munchkinland and it''s in color. that''s exactly how I felt when I looked in our son''s eyes. It was like for the first time, the world was in color. It was so bright and beautiful! And, it still is!
Good Luck to anyone struggling with infertility. I know at times it seems like it''s just around the corner, then it seems like a losing battle. One day you imagine yourself holding that baby, the next you''re wondering if you''ve done something wrong. Please know, that if you want to be a mother, you will be. It may be a long haul but you''ll raise a child someday.
Sorry for such a long thread. As you can tell, this is something I feel passionately about.
My husband and I tried to conceive since the day we were married. I was 19, he was 21. We endured many miscarriages and procedures for six years. Then, by the grace of God, we got our miracle. Our son is eighteen months old. I don''t know how I got through one day without him! The way he tugs on my sleeve and says "MAMA, daaaa!" Which means, "Mom, dance with me!"
For those still interested in the story with a happy ending, here''s the rest.
As I said, my husband and I were both quite young and healthy. We got married so we could start our family. We wanted 4-5 children by the time I was thirty. (Now, 30 is just around the bend)
I first found out I was pregnant on our one year anniversary. The doctor did an US and showed my the embryo. (I had been seeing the doc because we thought after nine months, I should get checked out.) First conception, natural. The dr sent me for work immediately. The work showed problems, and I was told that I would abort in the next few weeks (BTW- I d that they used the term abort!) I didn''t understand and was so confused. I was YOUNG and HEALTHY. 20 year olds don''t have this problem.
Anyway, we continued to go to the doc. I had a hystosalpingogram (Mine didn''t hurt at all. My tubes weren''t blocked. However, as I was lying spread eagle facing an open door, I asked ever so kindly for someone to shut it before I rammed someone''s head through it.) I took Clomid off and on for nearly a year. I got pregnant a couple times. I never told anyone when I was, though. I miscarried within the first few weeks each time. Then, I quit the Clomid because it was making me miserable.
Another couple miscarriages. Then, I switched docs. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS. I had laproscopic surgery to remove all the gunk. Then, I had to have lupron injections to stop all the hormones, and was put on a couple to lessen the side effects. However, my estrogen level was lower than a menopausal woman. SO, in there I was in my twenties, going through hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings. I finally told the doctor that I couldn''t do it anymore. He deemed the treatment successful and I was told I would get pregnant soon.
Well, over a year later. I conceived and miscarried again. We were told that IVF wasn''t really an option for us because I could conceive, just not carry.
I saw 14 babies born in my family during this time. And, I saw my brother''s friend get pregnant and have an abortion. My husband and I went to my brother and his friend together and separately to tell them that we would take the baby. They decided to abort instead.
Now, the personal part. (like the above wasn''t personal enough!) I would pray literally a hundred times a day for God to let me get pregnant, carry full term, and give birth to a perfectly healthy child that would never have to endure the things I did growing up. (almost verbatim.) (I did this since the first miscarriage) It began to consume me so entirely, I couldn''t concentrate at work (not good when you''re messing with people''s eyes!) I would be completely lost during a conversation because I was constantly counting days and reviewing temps. I was miserable. Finally, one night, I sat down on my bed and prayed all night long. (my husband worked third shift) I just started telling God that I couldn''t continue like that. I needed to be able to enjoy all of the blessings and opportunities that He''d given me and I was unable to while I was obsessing. I asked God to take the burden, and if He found it time to give us a child, that would be great, but I wasn''t going to continue to ask. I cried and prayed for seven straight hours. I finally fell asleep after the sun rose. I slept for about an hour and woke up completely happy and feeling like I had slept a full night. I went to work that day with a smile on my face and never obsessed again. I was given many opportunities over the following months. We took vacations, met new friends, my husband and I fell in love all over again. We also had some hard times follow. (with our extended families and finances.) Eventually everything worked itself out.
Then, my husband got a great job, we moved to a new town, and that month, we got pregnant. I knew that it was different. I felt happy and excited and could actually picture myself holding this baby. I was a high risk pregnancy. I had countless tests, samples, and ultrasounds. Everything always looked great. Especially when I saw my little baby''s heart beat for the first time. That "woosh woosh" sound, and seeing the little guy pumping! It''s a feeling I''ll never forget!
Then, when I FINALLY had him...it was like in the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy first sees Munchkinland and it''s in color. that''s exactly how I felt when I looked in our son''s eyes. It was like for the first time, the world was in color. It was so bright and beautiful! And, it still is!
Good Luck to anyone struggling with infertility. I know at times it seems like it''s just around the corner, then it seems like a losing battle. One day you imagine yourself holding that baby, the next you''re wondering if you''ve done something wrong. Please know, that if you want to be a mother, you will be. It may be a long haul but you''ll raise a child someday.
Sorry for such a long thread. As you can tell, this is something I feel passionately about.
