Anyone else out there dealing with infertility?

[drk]

The pregnant PSers thread seems to be getting a lot of traffic, and pregnancy seems to be coming easily or unexpectedly to many in the pricescope community. DH and I have been trying for 23 months now without success, and I wondered if anyone else is out there dealing with a similar situation and wants to commiserate.
I''m nearly 33, DH is 40. He passed his SA except for low volume (which he claimed was due to "technical difficulties" during collection) which neither the RE or my family doctor seem to worried about. I''ve had the pleasure of a sonohysterogram (though not a HSG) and a prolonged course of bloodwork for a hormonal profile a few months back, as well as frequent doctor''s appointments that don''t work all that well with my work schedule.
Apparently I''ve got PCOS (despite being very thin), so I''ve been on metformin since October, and then did a few months of lovely progesterone suppositories because my RE said a decent progesterone level in the luteal phase would help my pituitary behave better and might kickstart things into action. That didn''t really seem to work that well, and now she thinks I don''t ovulate based on bloodwork (decent progesterone on HCG support, but crummy estradiol that supposedly indicates the follicle didn''t rupture). I did 3 days of 25mg clomid last month with no improvement in the situation, and this month took clomid 25mg for 5 days and have been on low dose naltrexone as well. She said she''s had good results (whatever that means) with naltrexone in skinny PCOS in the past, so I''m waiting to see if that will hold true for me as well. I have to go do bloodwork for estradiol/progesterone Monday and see her again on Thursday, so I''ll find out then. Another 8-9 days before I find out if we''ve hit the jackpot this time round or not.
This whole thing is darn frustrating, though luckily I''m busy enough with the rest of my life that it doesn''t seem like the end of the world that things are taking way longer than expected. I''m a little sad that my brother is already expecting his second within the same timeframe that we''ve been trying, though of course I''m happy for them as well. And my cousin''s wife just conceived 2 weeks after going off the pill. Since she''s had a lot of other problems with her health, I''m truly delighted that she didn''t have any trouble conceiving, but having things work so quickly was a bit of a shock for me. On one of the other forums I''m on, it seems like so many join, and are pregnant and gone one or two months later, and others are complaining bitterly after only 4-5months of trying without success.
Well hopefully one of these days we''ll get our BFP as well. Since there are so many nice people in this community, it would be nice to have a bit of support here too. Hope to hear from others who are dealing with or have dealt with this issue too!
Kate

 

[Mara]

drk i don't have any experience with what you are mentioning, buut i just wanted to say that my coworker was just telling me that she was diagnosed with PCOS before she had her baby...she is very thin as well...and she mentioned that she really never thought she actually had it...that she felt like a lot of doctors just diagnosed you with PCOS if they weren't actually sure what was wrong with you. she ended up getting pregnant with her son even though her periods were really spotty and inconsistent, and they weren't even sure they could have kids (baby was a total surprise) and then after she had the baby, her 'PCOS' was gone and she was totally fine after years and years of having various issues.

anyway i just wanted to chime in about this because i noticed you mentioned the PCOS yet being skinny and it made me think of her saying she never thought she actually had it. and she and i were talking about how we felt like in general sometimes your body does wacky hormonal things and i have heard from others that they feel like sometimes getting pregnant and those hormones helps your body 'reset' itself.

i am sure you have already done this, but i'd get a 2nd and/or 3rd opinion if you have not already. also, sometimes when i hear these stories about tinkering with all these diff body things to try to conceive, i wonder if people shouldn't just continue to try naturally after a certain point again. i wonder if really doing all that stuff to your body is really the right way to go. i recently read a book about this subject actually....i am trying to remember what it's called but it's fiction about a couple trying to conceive and all the things they try over the course of 2 years, all sorts of medicine type things but also like eating various things that supposedly help fertility, it gives insight into how frustrating it can be, etc. i'll have to dig it out if you are interested.

anyway...good luck with everything!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Two of my friends who are pregnant now were trying for well over a year before it happened. I don''t know much about any of the specifics, but I think starting a thread about it for support is a good idea.

 

[snlee]

I don''t have any experience with this but not being able to conceive is one of my biggest fears. I know I want to become a mother sometime soon. With that being said, I can''t imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you. I think it''s a great idea to start this thread for support.

 

[Independent Gal]

It''s one of my biggest fears too. We aren''t married yet, and haven''t started trying yet. But for some reason, I just have this feeling that something won''t work. I have no reason to think that other than my age (early 30s) and the trouble my friends have had.

But I''m definitely scared about it.

You have our support!

But hopefully some people who are already dealing with it will chime in?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi Kate,

Have you been to a nutritionist or have you adjusted your diet? If not, you may find benefit in researching the Glycemic Index. Certain carbs, like carrots, potatoes, and corn will all spike your sugar levels, so if you''re having any insulin resisitance due to your PCOS, you will need to reduce those foods and other items, like milk and you may find that along with the metformin, you''ll be more within target levels. Are you testing your sugar levels?

 

[Mara]

IG/sn...i was thinking recently that since we are starting to talk about a family, i should visit the doctor and have them run whatever tests they might have to see if there are any red flags for us as well. have you gals done this? not sure what it entails, or what they are able to tell beforehand, but figure before we keep talking about it, might as well check it out.

my initial thoughts are also (but this is now, who knows what i'll feel like later, i might change my mind) that if we end up not being able to conceive that we would probably not try any sort of additional special ways or extra fertility things, because maybe it just wasn't meant to be. i have never felt like i was SUPPOSED to have kids like many people have...so sometimes i wonder if we will really be blessed or not. guess we'll know eventually...we do want to be parents but we aren't quite sure when. i am a little worried that as i get older each year we might have problems...and things like autism do concern me esp as we are both in our 30's (greg just turned 39)...so i know the clock is ticking. oh the pressure.

good luck kate!! i hope your efforts yield positive results soon!

 

[snlee]

Date: 8/13/2007 1:55:38 AM
Author: Mara
IG/sn...i was thinking recently that since we are starting to talk about a family, i should visit the doctor and have them run whatever tests they might have to see if there are any red flags for us as well. have you gals done this? not sure what it entails, or what they are able to tell beforehand, but figure before we keep talking about it, might as well check it out.

Mara, here''s a helpful link on what to do preconception.

 

[chrono]

I''m so sorry to read about how hard it is to conceive. It must be even harder when everyone around you seems to have no problems getting pregnant. My only experience with difficulty is once when we were trying for 9 months without success. It became such a chore (and I also miscarried at 12 weeks). Then, I was supposed to let one cycle pass before trying again, but I became pregnant accidently just like that!

It wasn''t supposed to happen and we weren''t even trying.
So, maybe sometimes, its best to just take the presssure out of it and let it happen. Then again, maybe I don''t know what I''m talking about and am just spewing out BS.

 

[lyra]

I''m so sorry for what you''re going through. I had some trouble conceiving the first time, and just like you, I watched my brother''s wife (who had been told she would never get pregnant) get pregnant "accidentally" and deliver before I could conceive. I admit I was a tad bitter at that situation, and at seeing others around me have seemingly no trouble at all. All I can say was that when we''d just about given up completely, it happened. I was using the basal thermometer thing for months since there was no other physical identifiable problem we could find.

Good luck. I hope it all works out soon. I know telling you to relax is not helpful.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/13/2007 1:55:38 AM
Author: Mara
IG/sn...i was thinking recently that since we are starting to talk about a family, i should visit the doctor and have them run whatever tests they might have to see if there are any red flags for us as well. have you gals done this? not sure what it entails, or what they are able to tell beforehand, but figure before we keep talking about it, might as well check it out.

Mara - have you checked to see what your insurance covers? My friend has infertility problems and her insurance didn''t cover all the costs and she ended taking out a loan for all the treatments.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Have you checked out Fertility Friend yet? It is a whole network of women trying to get pregnant and a fantastic support resource. Best of luck to you.

 

[divergrrl]

Hey there...

Hang in there...its hard. I''m on the preg. ps''er board but I''ve had a few miscarriages & had to have 2 surgeries to remove fibroids before I could get pregnant, so I''m not immune to the difficulites with fertilty. (had to do the progesterone thing this pregnancy....on it until week 13) Plus my best friend is gearing up for round #7 of IVF. She has one daughter (got pg with her on round #3) who is 2.5 years old & I''ve been watching her fight this fight for so many years now. (Prior to the IVF she did the Clomid, IUI, etc..her dh''s sperm isn''t viable & her eggs have to undergo "assisted hatching" because of a too hard outer shell?)

Infertility breaks my heart & I wish you nothing but luck, success & a healthy pregnancy.

 

[drk]

Well thanks for the support everyone. It''s nice to hear of success stories. I wonder if anyone else currently dealing with this issue will chime in... But if not, it was nice to hear from all of you!

Mara - one of my friend''s has a sister who also has PCOS (but is obese). She went to injectibles to conceive her first, after many months of trying naturally and with clomid without success. She, like your coworker, ended up totally fine after her pregnancy. In fact, she ended up getting pregnant with her second naturally within a few months of delivery. I''m just hoping my problems will clear up after 9 months on a progesterone high to reset my hypothalamus and pituitary. I had one ObGyn I really trusted (did an elective with him during med school, so I saw him in action a lot) diagnose me with PCOS a few years ago when I asked him about my crazy incessant spotting, but since we weren''t married or living in the same country or trying to get pregnant back then, his recommendation was to try birth control pills. Not that they worked. So I wasn''t surprised to have the dignosis confirmed again. My RE now is pretty slow to move on to each new step, and tries to work with your body as naturally as possible to get things working the way they should. Too bad that didn''t work in my case!
In terms of getting checked out ahead of time to rule out problems, I don''t know how many would be into that. I tried to get my family doctor to check my progesterone level well before I found my RE, but she didn''t think it would be useful and refused to do it. She did do an ultrasound, but just a regular one. With the spotting history, my RE ended up getting me to do the sonohysterogram (where they put in saline to look at the uterine lining better) later on. It seems like most of the time, unless you had something in your history to raise a red flag (DH having mumps or groin injury or relatives with cystic fibrosis, or you having a history of pelvic inflammatory disease or irregular periods), they probably don''t see much point in investigating until you''ve been trying for 6mo (after age 35) or 1y (before 35). I think the big thing is to get started with a prenatal/multivitamin containing folic acid (my RE even got me on 5mg a day of folic acid, which is way more than in a multivit, as she said the Canadian guidelines will be changing) so that you reduce your risk of neural tube defects, which I think are the main preventable congenital anomaly.

Snlee and Independent Gal - I know the feeling of fear of infertility. It''s sort of why I went of the pill as soon as I did after we got married, even though I was only 30 at the time. I just KNEW that with the crazy spotting all the time and long irregular cycles, something had to be wrong wtih my hormones.

MC - I have to admit, I''ve been too lazy to this point to change my diet. I did hear about the glycemic index initially and I think read a book about it a couple years ago, but my RE has never stressed looking into it. I don''t check my glucose, but so far my fasting level was fine, I just had an abnormally high insulin level compared to what a normal person would show.

Chrono - I''ve been on the babycentre.com bulletin board as well, and I''ve seen my share of stress cases who relax and suddenly get pregnant. To me, 9 months of trying is a long time too. I''m glad to hear things worked out well for you in the end!

Lyra - I''m also happy that you were able to conceive as well. Who knows, maybe the clomid will kickstart me into action, and just when I''ve given up on treatments, I''ll end up with the BFP. I''m sure stranger things have happened.

Allison - I love fertility friend. I chart there, but I didn''t bother to pay for the VIP membership that gives you access to the boards. Thanks for the tip!

Diver - I''ve been following your story on the preg ps''er board (Hey, I''ve got to live vicariously for now!

). How exciting to be nearly there after going through the pain of the miscarriages and the surgeries. I don''t know if I''d be able to persevere like your best friend to the tune of 7 IVF cycles, but I''m sure I''d go there if necessary. I don''t know if I could talk DH into it though. I sure hope this round brings her her second child.

Kate

 

[Miranda]

I didn''t have fertility issues, but, so many of my friends have. I only have 2 friends (out of 15 recent pregnancies) that have conceived without any medical intervention. I know how hard it can be on your body and mind. I''ll be keeping you in my thoughts, Kate. Hang in there!

 

[TravelingGal]

I just came back from telling a friend of mine who has been trying for 4 years that I am pregnant. I had told her the funny story leading up to the pregnancy BEFORE I thought it could actually happen, so she knows what a "fluke" this pregnancy is. It was hard to tell her and hormones must be all out of whack because after we talked a bit, I teared up and just simply said it didn''t seem fair.

She was very supportive and excited for me. But it is just so hard to be preggo when there are others who want it so much more than you and have been trying for so much longer. I really wish all the women who have had trouble with pregnancy the best with it and hope for many happy babies.

 

[phoenixgirl]

TravelingGal, what a supportive friend you have! We've got a thread in here about people who are too jealous to be happy for somebody's condo, let alone pregnancy. You're lucky to have her, and I'm sure you're a great support to her as well.

DRK, I'm sorry to be yet another, "I don't have problems but I know someone who does . . ." poster, but as I haven't tried to get pregnant yet, I don't really know my status. My mom never had any problems except for an early miscarriage, but my sister and my brother's wife both did clomid. My brother's wife didn't menstruate at all, and I'm not sure the extent of what they did other than clomid, but I know it worked quickly both times.

My sister had a very difficult time . . . took two years to get pregnant, then miscarried around 8 weeks. Then it took another year to get pregnant with my neice. She conceived by surprise while still breastfeeding when my neice was about 7 months old, then miscarried around 15 weeks. That one took the greatest toll on her. She just had her second child last month (conceived maybe nine months after the miscarriage), but refused to accept she was pregnant for some time (what I mean is, she knew she was pregnant but was afraid to count on it working out). She's very happy with the two children she now has after five years of trying and often says she is done having children naturally but is open to adoption should the fates so conspire.

Honestly, the clomid never seemed to work very well for her. What did work seemed to be:
*not thinking about getting pregnant at that time (3 of the 4 occured when she was traveling or otherwise busy so that they weren't treating that month as an opportunity to get pregnant)
*acupuncture
*gaining a little weight (for whatever reason, her body was more apt to menstruate with a BMI around 24 rather than 22)

It really seemed like my sister just needed her body to get in the zone, or that she needed to relax. I don't mean to dismiss or belittle her trouble, but every time she just let loose and rode a rollercoaster or went to a party in a "what the hey," kind of way, it seemed to happen. Of course, this could be confirmation bias.

Her ob/gyn suggested she may have a protein S deficiency and a MTHFR mutation, but she needs to get specific tests done now that she's delivered to be sure. This could help explain her miscarriages, trouble getting pregnant, and the low-birth weight of my neice.

 

[AGBF]

Hi, drk-

I am no longer dealing with infertility, but I did when I was younger. I now no longer have to worry about fertility or birth control or menstrual periods or any such things.

I have heard every variation on pregnancy and adoption that you can possibly imagine, probably because I was active in a a group called LAPA, the Latin American Parents Association, through which we adopted our daughter. One story I saw unfold while I was involved in that:

A woman who had terrible endometriosis and was considering a hysterectomy for the pain and who was about to travel to Latin America to pick up her second adopted child suddenly get pregnant after 16 years of marriage. No one knows why. She was devastated that she was too far along in her pregnancy to be able to travel to pick up the baby she had planned to adopt. She would have been delighted to have the two infants at once! She was so heavily invested in the baby she was going to adopt by then (even though she had never seen him).

A woman who had struggled with infertility throughout her first 11 year marriage remarried and continued to have fertility issues. She adopted a baby boy with her husband. They had enough money to adopt another child or to try in vitro once. She had in vitro, got pregnant with twin girls, and has since gone around saying she is the only woman she knows who has three children but has had only one pregnacy.

There have been so many advances in fertility medicine recently that it seems that there is hope for almost everyone!

Deborah

 

[AGBF]

I just reread the thread, drk. You detailed your entire history and no one else seems to have responded in kind. My recollection of my own struggles is quite dim at this point, but I can give you back a story in return for yours. Sisterhood is powerful!

We started trying to get pregnant "naturally". When that didn't work, I started to chart my temperatures to see when I was ovulating. (I don't think there were kits for that back then!) We tried to have intercourse on schedule.

My husband refused to have a sperm count done. However, I had a post-coital cervical mucous test done to see if my mucous was adequate and that showed that there were only two sperm and one was dead. That scared my husband enough to see a urologist. He and I were both put on antibiotics-his were for a month because white cells could be stored in the prostate.

Meanwhile I had to have one endometrial biopsy to rule out cancer because when we stated to try to conceive I started to bleed vaginally for six weeks. It was my period. Nerves. Your body can play such tricks on you!

Then I had another endometrial biopsy to make sure I was ovulating. That had to be on a certain day of my cycle.

As with you, luteal phase defect was suspected. I was put on Clomid. I had a hysterosalpingogram. I don't remember the order anymore. All I know was that I was in the GYN's office several times a week and I actually got comfortable going and getting into the stirrups! (That has since gone away!) I was as used to the GYN being "down there" (albeit just doing medical things) as my husband.

Finally, while still on Clomid I had artificial insemination with my husband's washed sperm. (The seminal fluid was removed so that the pure sperm could be squirted directly up higher through some tubing.)

After that I had had enough. I really didn't want a lapyroscopy and Pergonal shots. (Later I did have a lapyroscopy because I had to have an ovary removed. I was told the other ovary was fine and I had no endometriosis. I was warned I could get pregnant if I didn't use birth control...but it didn't happen!)

So...been there and it is a lot of work and a lot of worry! The whole time this is going on, you wonder if you will have your baby!!!!

I got mine. I as very glad that I hadn't gotten pregnant because she was such a soft, precious, and beautiful peach. I may try to post a link to a baby photo of her. I know there is at least one on Pricescope somewhere!

Don't lose heart!

PS-We did this for years, like you, and so did most of the women I knew through LAPA. There is (or was) a support group for people dealing with infertility called RESOLVE and some of the women who came to LAPA had been in that before they decided to adopt...including the woman who got pregnant after one adopted child and 16 years of marriage! We should see if Resolve still exists. People with fertility issues don't deal in months, they deal in years. One year of trying is considered normal!!!

Deb

 

[bar01]

Another site to check out.

 

[AGBF]

drk,

It just occurred to me when I saw that Resolve has quite an on-line presence that it may be one of the groups to which you already post. (There was no Internet when I was trying to get pregnant! I had just remembered Resolve as a resource from my community!) If Resolve on-line is not helpful, perhaps you should try one of the groups. As I said, some of the women who adopted babies when I did had been to Resolve and gotten support from it. Here is a
a link to the RESOLVE infertilty resources.

PS-I misspelled "laparoscopy" in all my postings above and it is too late to go back and correct them. Please excuse that!

Deborah

 

[AGBF]

Date: 8/14/2007 8:39:05 AM
Author: AGBF
I may try to post a link to a baby photo of her. I know there is at least one on Pricescope somewhere!

This page contains a baby picture of my daughter (at seven weeks).

Deb

 

[Pandora II]

Just a rather odd suggestion...

Have you tried acupuncture?

My dad, who is a very orthodox GP and has no time for homeopathy etc is very keen on acupuncture. He did it for around 20 of his patients who were having a lot of trouble conceiving and 19 were pregnant within 2 months.

He calls it his ''witchcraft''.

No idea how it works, but with zero side effects it might be worth a try.

 

[ivanadiamond]

hi there-

well i am 32 and we have been trying for 9 months with no luck...it has been really tough to say the least. I feel like I am living in two week intervals- trying and waiting and then sadly failing...all our friends have children, most are on their second kids and can''t help but feel envious at times and wanting to throw a pity party every time i get my period.

I only have one friend that had a tough time too, but she now has a one year old, so I can talk to her, but she isn''t in the same boat as me.

I finally went to a infertility specialist with my husband on Monday and we are going to try artificial insemination on my next ovulation date...I am really scared, but also excited...at least we are trying something different, but I am also scared to get my hopes up.

I have hyperprolacticnemia...which basically means I have high prolactin levels like women do when they are breastfeeding- I take medication to regulate my levels but I have still be unsuccessful and achieving pregnancy.

I read today that geritol complete is supposed to help women get fertile and supposed to be some kind of miracle pill that woman started taking from the 60''s to help get pregnant, so I bought it today to replace my pre-natal pills and am taking folic acid in addition...

I would totally recommend checking your prolactin levels, checking to see if you are producing enough cervical mucus and lastly having your husband go through an extensive sperm analysis...

good luck to you, i hope you get pregnant soon!!! I hope we both do

 

[drk]

TGal - it''s great that you and your friend are so close, and I''m sure the fact that you were considerate of her situation when telling her went a long way to help her feel excited for you. Hopefully she''ll join you soon!

Miranda - those are some crazy stats among your friends. Thanks for the thoughts...

Phoenixgirl - thanks for the story about your sister''s troubles. She has gone through a heck of a lot to get to where she is now. I hope that doesn''t end up being me, but if it does, I''ll deal with it as it comes and hope for a reward at the end of the journey. I''m trying to eat higher fat stuff to get my BMI up from the 18.5-18.6 it hangs at now, but it hasn''t seemed to work too well so far. It''s not like I don''t eat or am an exercise fanatic, so it''s a little frustrating. I could swear I weighed about 67kg a few years back, and I''m down to about 62.5kg now, without intending to lose any of that weight. At 6''0", it''s not quite enough.

AGBF - thanks so much for sharing your story (and the beautiful photos of your little girl - though I guess she isn''t so little any more), and the stories of some of the other women you met through the LAPA. My brother''s friend and his wife had been struggling for a long time to get pregnant and had moved on to adoption last year. After all the arrangements were in place and they were waiting to be chosen for adoption, they finally conceived, and then at about 4 months into the pregnancy, they ended up being selected by a birth mother to adopt a newborn. Now they have two beautiful kids who are only 5 months apart in age. You and your DH obviously went through a lot to get to where you are now, but life or God (or whatever you believe in) works in strange ways, and you must have been meant to end up with your daughter. At least that''s what I try to tell myself when things are dragging on - that there must be a plan for me somewhere. If things don''t work this time around, I may have to look into Resolve, though I have found good support online in other forums too. I can''t imagine how people handled things before the internet!

Bertrand - thanks for the link. I''ve been way too obsessive about bulletin boards, but another one to check out is always welcome

Pandora - That''s incredible about your father''s experience with acupuncture. I audited a weekend course in it once during med school, and thought it was pretty cool. I wonder what points your Dad stimulates when he does his treatment? I might have to check it out if I can find a reputable place here.

Hi Ivanadiamond! How nice to see someone else who''s actively dealing with these issues too (though of course I wouldn''t wish them on you or anyone else). I sooo hear you about the 2 week partioning in my life. It''s hard not to obsess, and these days I''m even sleeping poorly. I''m not sure if it''s the naltrexone my RE put me on, or just me being anxious, or what. I usually wake up once a night and have to pop out to the bathroom anyhow, so it doesn''t seem that much more awful to wake up briefly 3-4 times a night. As long as I can fall back asleep easily, I''m not too bothered. How exciting that you and your DH are going to be moving on to something new this cycle. Does your DH have any issues? Do you ovulate normally when you''re taking your meds to control the prolactin?

I have been checking cervical mucus (my RE is bigtime into Creighton method charting, which couldn''t care less about temperature charting but is all about the mucus), and that doesn''t seem to be much of a problem even on my low-dose clomid. If things don''t work this cycle, DH will be getting another semen analysis next month to see if the various supplements he''s been put on are having any beneficial effect. I hadn''t heard about Geritrol at all. The latest thing my RE is going to put me on is Calcium + Magnesium twice daily and Vitamin D 2000U a day. She was at some conference recently and it''s supposed to be not only good for your bones, but good for helping your immune system function properly. At least I think that''s what she said.

I think I may finally have ovulated this time around, since I haven''t had any spotting in the luteal phase for the first time (aside from my first month on progesterone supplements earlier this year) in more years than I can remember. It''s been so great, and darn obvious that things just haven''t been working right till now. I''m 15dpo now and still no spotting, but I''m not sure when a HPT will be reliable with the HCG injections to support the luteal phase possibly still circulating. I''ve got a req for a betaHCG on Thurs if I still haven''t gotten my period by then, so we''ll see. 15d seems to be my max for a luteal phase on HCG support, so I''m getting pretty curious to see if things finally worked this time around.

Well, time for bed as I''ve another early day at work tomorrow as usual. I have to say (since this is pricescope) that I love your rings - that''s a stunning photo you''ve got for your atvar! I hope I''ll have some good news to report sometime soon, and that you will as well! Good luck with your IUI this month...

Kate

 

[Independent Gal]

One of my friends I mentioned above who was trying for over a year before she got pregnant just lost her baby.

She says she''s not as traumatized as she would have expected, but knowing her, she''s trying to do the stiff-upper-lip thing. My heart goes out to her.

Diver: having been through it yourself, do you have any suggestions for what I might be able to say or do to help my friend?

 

[AGBF]

Date: 8/14/2007 8:39:05 AM
Author: AGBF
Finally (snip) I had artificial insemination with my husband's washed sperm. (The seminal fluid was removed so that the pure sperm could be squirted directly up higher through some tubing.)

Ahh...you went to medical school, Kate. To you, this is IUI. I vaguely remember that! If I hang around this thread long enough, the terminology may come back to me. Maybe even the spelling (e.g. "laparoscopy"). It's a shame for a grown woman to have to describe intra-uterine insemination as "washing sperm" and squirting it "through some some tubing". I cannot even claim to be wholly uneducated, although I missed out on med school .

Deb

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 8/21/2007 9:30:32 AM
Author: Independent Gal
One of my friends I mentioned above who was trying for over a year before she got pregnant just lost her baby.

She says she's not as traumatized as she would have expected, but knowing her, she's trying to do the stiff-upper-lip thing. My heart goes out to her.

Diver: having been through it yourself, do you have any suggestions for what I might be able to say or do to help my friend?

There really isn't much you can say....just listen. Try to avoid telling her things like "well its good it happened early" (no, it sucks even when its early), or "its your body's way of doing quality control" (maybe, or it could be that I don't produce enough progesterone or any other myriad of things)....the best thing to say is "I'm so sorry this happened to you. Is there anything I can do for you?".

One thing I noticed, is, that its a weird loss folks have a hard time understanding. Its not 'real' to some people because you aren't showing or pregnant enough.

You are a good friend for asking. She's lucky to have you & I wish her peace and happiness in the future.

ETA: I distinctly remember an emotional rollercoaster. At first I was fine, strong, looking on the bright side. Then I would become very sorrowful. Anger usually showed up & I was ticked at the world & snapping at everyone. Then it would repeat....she's got crashing hormones too, so its sort of a post-partum dip (not unlike baby blues) that messes with your emotions. Just be there for her & listen....offer gentle condolences, not advice.

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks Diver! That sounds like excellent advice. I''m going to send her a note reminding her I''m here for her if she needs me. We''ve been friends for more than 20 years and in that whole time, I''ve only known her to come out and say ''I''m having trouble and I need help'' twice without any coaxing. She''ll open up if you make sure she knows she can, but she''s not a natural talker. And she''s pretty inward looking, not social, and only has a couple of close friends. So I''ve learned to remind her more than once when she''s going through something that I''ve got strong, absorbent shoulders if she needs a pillow / somewhere to dab her eyes.

I will do my best to listen to her and console her if I can!

 

[ivanadiamond]

Date: 8/20/2007 10:31:31 PM
Author: drk
TGal - it''s great that you and your friend are so close, and I''m sure the fact that you were considerate of her situation when telling her went a long way to help her feel excited for you. Hopefully she''ll join you soon!

Miranda - those are some crazy stats among your friends. Thanks for the thoughts...

Phoenixgirl - thanks for the story about your sister''s troubles. She has gone through a heck of a lot to get to where she is now. I hope that doesn''t end up being me, but if it does, I''ll deal with it as it comes and hope for a reward at the end of the journey. I''m trying to eat higher fat stuff to get my BMI up from the 18.5-18.6 it hangs at now, but it hasn''t seemed to work too well so far. It''s not like I don''t eat or am an exercise fanatic, so it''s a little frustrating. I could swear I weighed about 67kg a few years back, and I''m down to about 62.5kg now, without intending to lose any of that weight. At 6''0'', it''s not quite enough.

AGBF - thanks so much for sharing your story (and the beautiful photos of your little girl - though I guess she isn''t so little any more), and the stories of some of the other women you met through the LAPA. My brother''s friend and his wife had been struggling for a long time to get pregnant and had moved on to adoption last year. After all the arrangements were in place and they were waiting to be chosen for adoption, they finally conceived, and then at about 4 months into the pregnancy, they ended up being selected by a birth mother to adopt a newborn. Now they have two beautiful kids who are only 5 months apart in age. You and your DH obviously went through a lot to get to where you are now, but life or God (or whatever you believe in) works in strange ways, and you must have been meant to end up with your daughter. At least that''s what I try to tell myself when things are dragging on - that there must be a plan for me somewhere. If things don''t work this time around, I may have to look into Resolve, though I have found good support online in other forums too. I can''t imagine how people handled things before the internet!

Bertrand - thanks for the link. I''ve been way too obsessive about bulletin boards, but another one to check out is always welcome

Pandora - That''s incredible about your father''s experience with acupuncture. I audited a weekend course in it once during med school, and thought it was pretty cool. I wonder what points your Dad stimulates when he does his treatment? I might have to check it out if I can find a reputable place here.

Hi Ivanadiamond! How nice to see someone else who''s actively dealing with these issues too (though of course I wouldn''t wish them on you or anyone else). I sooo hear you about the 2 week partioning in my life. It''s hard not to obsess, and these days I''m even sleeping poorly. I''m not sure if it''s the naltrexone my RE put me on, or just me being anxious, or what. I usually wake up once a night and have to pop out to the bathroom anyhow, so it doesn''t seem that much more awful to wake up briefly 3-4 times a night. As long as I can fall back asleep easily, I''m not too bothered. How exciting that you and your DH are going to be moving on to something new this cycle. Does your DH have any issues? Do you ovulate normally when you''re taking your meds to control the prolactin?

I have been checking cervical mucus (my RE is bigtime into Creighton method charting, which couldn''t care less about temperature charting but is all about the mucus), and that doesn''t seem to be much of a problem even on my low-dose clomid. If things don''t work this cycle, DH will be getting another semen analysis next month to see if the various supplements he''s been put on are having any beneficial effect. I hadn''t heard about Geritrol at all. The latest thing my RE is going to put me on is Calcium + Magnesium twice daily and Vitamin D 2000U a day. She was at some conference recently and it''s supposed to be not only good for your bones, but good for helping your immune system function properly. At least I think that''s what she said.

I think I may finally have ovulated this time around, since I haven''t had any spotting in the luteal phase for the first time (aside from my first month on progesterone supplements earlier this year) in more years than I can remember. It''s been so great, and darn obvious that things just haven''t been working right till now. I''m 15dpo now and still no spotting, but I''m not sure when a HPT will be reliable with the HCG injections to support the luteal phase possibly still circulating. I''ve got a req for a betaHCG on Thurs if I still haven''t gotten my period by then, so we''ll see. 15d seems to be my max for a luteal phase on HCG support, so I''m getting pretty curious to see if things finally worked this time around.

Well, time for bed as I''ve another early day at work tomorrow as usual. I have to say (since this is pricescope) that I love your rings - that''s a stunning photo you''ve got for your atvar! I hope I''ll have some good news to report sometime soon, and that you will as well! Good luck with your IUI this month...

Kate

Hi Kate- I really hope it works out for you!! Please let us know how things are coming a long and if you ever need to vent I am totally here I do ovulate, so that hasn''t been an issue for me, but there have been a few months where my prolactin levels were too high for me to conceive. My hubby went in on Monday to get a sperm analysis...they are going to see what kind of swimmers he''s got and if everything checks then we will do the the artificial insemination on my next cycle. I am really nervous to give myself the shots and also think i have the wrong mindset right now- I am too scared to get my hopes up so instead i have felt more defeated and hopeless lately- both things that probably aren''t helping things- I don''t know how to snap out of it, but I know i need to

Thanks for the bling compliments! That''s my baby for now

!!