Anyone else out there dealing with infertility?

[ivanadiamond]

Thank you lili and travelinggal! Today is better, i actually just got back from the Maria Shriver''s 2007 Women''s Conference and it was incredible. The speakers ranged from Tony Blair, Deborah Norville, Jamie Lee Curtis, Elizabeth Edwards, Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain, Ann Romney, Queen Rania Al-Abdullah from Jordan and so many more people. It was beyond inspirational and humbling and a year''s worth of Oprah rolled into 1 day. The theme of the day was about Legacy and what each of our legacies are. Boy it touched my soul and about 14000 other women''s today.

Thanks again! Big hugs back to you!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/23/2007 9:20:45 PM
Author: ivanadiamond
Thank you lili and travelinggal! Today is better, i actually just got back from the Maria Shriver''s 2007 Women''s Conference and it was incredible. The speakers ranged from Tony Blair, Deborah Norville, Jamie Lee Curtis, Elizabeth Edwards, Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain, Ann Romney, Queen Rania Al-Abdullah from Jordan and so many more people. It was beyond inspirational and humbling and a year''s worth of Oprah rolled into 1 day. The theme of the day was about Legacy and what each of our legacies are. Boy it touched my soul and about 14000 other women''s today.

Thanks again! Big hugs back to you!

Glad you are feeling better. Is that the California first lady''s women conference in Long Beach? I went to it when Grey Davis was still in office with my female colleagues. Not a bad conference. Although our year, we had Shirley MacLaine, and she is NOT a great public speaker. Not to mention she was going off on some seriously weird (to me) tangents about her former life. People walked out while she was talking...it was pretty bad.

But overall, I think it''s a good conference. I bet it''s much better now that Ms. Arnie is doing it...a lot more star power for sure.

 

[somethingshiny]

Ivanadiamond~ I just wanted to send *hugs* to you. The hard times for me were the one year mark (because "people don''t TRY for a year, do they?") and the four year mark ("okay, nobody tries for four years!") But, we were blessed with our son six years into the TTC. If you want to be a mom, you WILL be! Your baby is just not here yet!

I like the "baby dust" so I''m sending lots of it to all of you!

update on myself: accepting the fact that the second time can even take a while. trying to realize that not changing two sets of diapers is a GOOD thing.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Ivanadiamond- I''m so sorry to hear about these trying times for you. I can''t imagine how frustrated you must be. My friend used to be a moderator at the iVillage miscarriage board and she said that the infertility board is a pretty good place. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[ivanadiamond]

Thanks again! It is so nice to find refuge here. It''s funny how strangers can give you more comfort than your close friends at certain times.

LS- How did it go? did you do the IUI just once or several times?

Has anyone tried or hear of success with Preseed?

I am going to continue with the accupuncture and just started taking some chinese herbs from my doctor as well. Hopefully the third cycle of IUI will be a charm

 

[ivanadiamond]

TG- Yes this was the Women''s Conference in Long Beach. That is funny about Shirley Mclaine...I really enjoyed most of the speakers but def. some more than others~

 

[Kaleigh]

Just wanted to wish you best of luck ivanadimaond. Hoping the the thrid time is the charm for you!! My SIL had similar problems. It's rough, just know I am sending best wishes your way.

 

[ivanadiamond]

thanks lisa! did you SIL end of having children? Was it hard for her each time?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 10/24/2007 10:36:58 PM
Author: ivanadiamond
Thanks again! It is so nice to find refuge here. It''s funny how strangers can give you more comfort than your close friends at certain times.


LS- How did it go? did you do the IUI just once or several times?


Has anyone tried or hear of success with Preseed?


I am going to continue with the accupuncture and just started taking some chinese herbs from my doctor as well. Hopefully the third cycle of IUI will be a charm

The IUI went well- I guess how well will be determined in 2 weeks!

It was less than 5 minutes and painless. We just did one IUI but if we have to do others, I might see about doing them twice, back to back. I just don''t know how much that will cost, since our insurance doesn''t cover it, and if with our problems, that would really even be beneficial.

What sort of effect does accupuncture have on fertility?

 

[somethingshiny]

Just letting you all know that a TTC thread has been started. Not just for those of us who are "fertility challenged", but for all those TTC. Hope to see you there.

 

[drk]

Aussiegem, how nice to meet another anesthesiologist-in-training on here. I''m sorry to hear you''re in the same sort of shoes as me. I started trying earlier than I would normally have because i knew things would take a long time for me. Here we are over 2 years later, and we''re still trying. At least the crazy spotting has gotten way better, but the night shifts really put a crimp in trying to time things properly, and the doc visits for ultrasound monitoring etc are a real pain. At least I can do my own bloodwork and drop it off at the lab - that saves a ton of time. And because I''m a doctor, my RE is willing to give me results over the phone.

Deb, your daughter is a real cutie!

LoganSapphire - I''ve done a ton of HCG injections. Luckily I''m not needle phobic, and don''t mind them much, but sometimes that needle seems just a little dull and really hurts going through the skin. I get to do all mine (including the trigger shot this last cycle) subcutaneously, not intramuscularly, so they hurt less. I''m glad the IUI was painless, but I hope you don''t need any more! I hope you get good news soon...

Ivanadiamond - I''ve also been avoiding the thread a bit, hoping that denial would let me destress a little. I''m glad you had such an inspirational experience at the conference to lift you out of your funk. I''ve tried preseed (no success yet), but I''ve seen others on the one board I''m on at babycenter.com have success with it.

Travelinggal - thanks for the encouragement and support!

So my last cycle was a bust. I continued the clomid this cycle, and gave the HCG trigger the day after my estradiol peaked (day of the LH surge). The one little follicle I had wasn''t growning much at the end, so I''m not holding out much hope, but it did collapse. Of course my DH was gone on a business trip O-1 and O. Very romatically, I had to jump him when I got home from call the morning he left (O-2). Not much cervical mucus again, so I think next week I''ll be discussing femara or injectibles with my RE. I''m changing hospitals in Jan to one away from downtown, so I won''t be able to do the ultrasound monitoring then. Hopefully I won''t need much, or maybe I can arrange to do it up there. We''ll see how it goes.

Good luck to the rest of you, and I''d better get back to work now!
Kate

 

[Logan Sapphire]

drk- good luck with everything. I know how frustrating it is when travel gets in the way. I got a BFN on the first IUI cycle but am back on track for hopefully IUI #2 on Nov. 19. I''ll keep you updated on what happens. Hang in there!

 

[ivanadiamond]

Hi there

DRK- so sorry to hear about your last cycle

Have you tried femara before or injectibles before? If this next cycle is a bust, i would like to ask about adding clomid or additional alternatives to help us. I am trying the preseed this month, i read a lot that it helps women who don't have a lot of cervical mucus. At this point I will try anything

LS-Sorry about the BFN. I was really sad after my first try didn't work with IUI. For what it's worth it is very rare for it to work on the first try. We are going in tomorrow for our third IUI cycle though last month doesn't really count because my husband was really sick and missed the first IUI day. I am a little more hopeful this month, the acupuncture has really been helping me, at least with my emotions. I feel more calm this cycle. The Chinese herbs taste gross, but I drink them twice a day and I am trying my best to think positively.

I realized yesterday that I couldn't say out loud that I think I will get pregnant, and I realized that I needed to change my inner mantra to "I will get pregnant, I will get pregnant, I will get pregnant". And I need to believe it. We all do!

My best girlfriend, just started trying last month, did bd once and she just told me she is preggo last Saturday...I am beyond thrilled for her but it made me sad for me and especially for my DH. I saw the pain in his face, how he felt helpless in getting us out of this predicament (you know how men always want to fix things), and how he felt bad about his sperm perhaps being the source of our problems with fertility. And in that moment, my heart filled up with so much love for him. I realized I wasn't in this alone, it wasn't just my pain and my battle, he too was hurting. And a wave came over me as did the realization that this cannot define me, define him or define us. We are so much more than a couple that can't conceive. I have too many blessings and too many things to be grateful for to live every day so sad. In the midst of all my fears, I stopped and said ENOUGH! I can't control people, situations, pregnancies and no life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you deserve and bad things can happen to good people.

God isn't punishing me or not listening to my prayers, he has already answered more prayers and given us more blessings than 99% of people in the world. This can't define me, this can't control me, it just can't. So I need to keep trusting and stay open to every possibility and know that the future is ahead and I have no idea what is in store for me or any of us. I can only control my outlook on life, my gratitude and how I treat the people in my life and especially how I treat my own fragile soul.

So after the news last Saturday, I quickly went to our local store and picked up a bunch of yummy tidbits; cheeses, hummus, prosciutto, and little salads, opened up a bottle of ridiculously expensive champagne, turned on some music and lit a bunch of candles and surprised my husband. And we laughed and kissed and rediscovered ourselves again a little bit. It wasn't a life changing moment, it was just a time where we both took a deep breath and just loved and laughed, and then loved and laughed some more.

Lot's of baby dust to all!

 

[somethingshiny]

Ivanadiamond~ Beautiful sentiment. I had a bit of an "aha" moment with my DH like that too. Sometimes we start hurting so much or obsessing about getting pregnant, we don''t realize we''re not the only one. Although it saddened me to know DH was hurting too, it was quite a comfort to know we were in it together.

You''re not a "couple who can''t conceive", you''re a "couple who haven''t conceived yet".
THINK POSITIVE!!!

BTW- The day after I found out I was pregnant (tried for 6 years), I drove past the church where we were married. The sign said, "God''s delay is not His denial." That has become my mantra.

baby dust all around!!

 

[AGSHF]

Hello ivanadiamond,

I hope you don''t mind my posting here, but your last post moved me tremendousely. I''m not TTC now or ever again and I''m blessed with a child already. But, what you expressed is the essence of why people stay together--the sharing of a burden and the desire of one to ease the sadness of the other. Some couples who have little or no diffculty conceiving and having children may never fully experience or understand the type of bond you share with your husband, the strength of which is strengthened and reinforced by your experiences now.

Yes, absolutely, continue to celebrate what you have with your loving husband. It''s neither his nor your "fault" that you are struggling with infertility now. You are together and that is where the hopes and happiness will continue to come.

I wish you the very best.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Ivanadiamond- that was a really nice post that you wrote about you and your husband supporting each other during this time. I''m going to save those words for the rough times ahead.

I''ve read here about people having IUI success with Clomid, but does anyone else have male factor infertility issues too? Someone here (DRK? Ivana?) had said their husband had 40% morphology; my husband''s is between 1 and 2%, which is probably the main reason we won''t be able to conceive. Anyone have success stories with both male AND female issues?

 

[somethingshiny]

Here''s a SUCCESS story for ya! (don''t know about fertility factors such as counts, but) I have a family member who has one ovary (the other was lost during an ectopic pregnancy). Her husband has one testicle (the other was removed due to testicular cancer). Both of them recovered well and their FIFTH child will be a year old in a few days!

 

[ivanadiamond]

SomethingsShiny: I love your mantra, I will have to use it as well. You give me hope! Thank you!!

AGSHF: You can post any place you like and I so appreciate that you replied to my post. I wish that feeling lasted all the time. But yes you are so right about the essence of marriage. For better and for worse is pretty difficult when you are dealing with the for worse part, but if you can make it to the other side, it strengthens your relationship and builds a stronger foundation for the future-

Logan Sapphire, my husband too has v. low morphology about 2 percent, but has good mobility and sperm count. They also said that last time the volume was low even though the count was high (94 million/.5 volume). They put him on Conceptionxr to improve the morphology. It has a high dosage of anti-oxidants that could improve his morphology. I am doing research to if there is anything you can take to improve sperm volume. How are you doing? Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you!

DRK- How are you? Just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going?

 

[drk]

Hi everyone.

Ivanadiamond - thanks for asking about me. I''ll be interested to see if you get a repeat semen analysis whether the conceptionrx has made a difference. My RE put my DH on zinc, selenium, multivit, vit C, vit E etc. I suspect it''s the same idea as what your DH is on, just more pills to swallow (and I can''t for the life of me get him to take them regularly). I was so crushed on your behalf to hear about your friend who tried once and got pregnant. It really is so hard to see others conceive at the drop of a hat. Not that I''m not happy for them too in a way, but it''s very bittersweet when I just keep wondering why it isn''t happening for us. I''m glad to hear the acupuncture is helping and that you and your DH are growing closer because of this. Your celebration food sounds fantastic!

LS - I haven''t moved on to IUI yet, nor was I successful with clomid, but I''d definitely heard of successes going that route. We still suspect some ovulatory problem with me. My DH had the borderline morphology at 40% - we''ve had the req to get retested for the last 2 months, but haven''t managed to hit a day where I can be home at the right time to help him out (we''ve been given a condom-like "collection device" by my RE to get a more "natural" sample by collecting the old-fashioned way). Maybe next Friday before we leave on vacation? Of course AF will probably be here in full force by then, and it''ll just have to wait till I get home. Good luck with IUI #2!

If you guys have male factor to deal with too, are you thinking of moving on to IVF + ICSI if the IUIs don''t work at some point? I wonder how long it will take me to get there too.

So my latest update is that we saw the RE yesterday. I had done the bloodwork and U/S (ultrasound) series this cycle again to see what was going on and if the HCG trigger would make any difference. Last cycle my LH surge was supposedly a bit drawn out and my follicle had suddenly grown more than was normal before partly collapsing. My bloodwork numbers looked sort of ok, except my luteal E2 (estradiol) was low. This time (I was on clomid CD3-7 again), my cervical mucus was worse than ever, my lining was supposedly ok, but the follicle growth just dropped off once it hit 19mm. She thinks my LH may be causing a bit of a problem too, since it was creeping up for quite a while before the surge (may be affecting my egg quality?). We''ve decided to switch to femara this cycle since I''ll be out of town on vacation when I''d be needing to do the U/S and bloodwork if we were to move straight to injectibles instead. I''m hoping we''ll only persist with that for 1-2 cycles and then move on to injectibles if I''ve had no luck by then. I finally managed to get DH in for the appointment for the first time in over a year, so that he''d at least be able to put a face to a name when I talk about the RE. Seemed to like her, which was good. And she''s had to stop taking referrals because she''s so crazy busy at the moment. Glad I got in before that! I said she just had to get more of us pregnant to get us off her books

Well, must clean some more TV shows off my PVR in preparation for the 2-week vacation. Must have enough room to tape all my shows while I''m gone!

Hope the rest of you are doing ok...
Kate

 

[dani13]

Hi all!

Ivana- I just wanted to check in to say hello and best of luck with everything....I also wanted to let you know that your last post about your dh brought me to tears (in a good way). It was very moving, and you guys are very lucky that you have a strong marriage and share a love that is larger than life. I truly believe that love conquers all, and you two can get through anything as long as you have eachother and the love you share.

Being a nurse and coming into contact with people from all walks of life, different backgrounds, situations, etc......it really makes you become so grateful for simple things in life that people take for granted....I'm not even talking about money, a home, etc.....I'm talking about a family, people that love you, the ability to breathe on your own/walk on your own...the list goes on and on....All of us need to stop on a daily basis and be thankful for all the things we have...because there are SO many people that dont have these basic things- its so sad. It doesnt mean that we can't mourn for the things we dont have, or deny that pain we are feeling, but just when you think things are horrible, just remember there are so many out there that are so much more unfortunate.....

Keep your faith and stay positive....I will keep you and all the others here in my thoughts and prayers!!!

 

[ivanadiamond]

Ahhh Dani,

Now your post is bringing me to tears. What you wrote is so true. Tough to not throw a pity party every now and then, but you are so right in having to be grateful and not taking things for granted. Thank you for your kind words, they really hit a chord within me.

all the best to you ladies! ID

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I was supposed to have my 2nd IUI tomorrow but it looks like it won''t happen until at least Tuesday. If it doesn''t happen on Tuesday, we won''t be able to do the actual procedure, since we leave for Thanksgiving that night. It would have to happen the, uh, old-fashioned way

which doesn''t thrill me since we''ll be at my brother-in-law''s house, with my MIL right next door. Eeks!!!!

If IUI doesn''t work out, we''re not doing IVF. We would adopt, so that''s exciting!

Good luck to everyone! I''m thinking of you all.

 

[drk]

Well, LS, I hope the timing''s ok for Tuesday! If not, who cares, just go for it anyhow! Last cycle was Canadian Thanksgiving and my Mom was visiting us since I couldn''t leave town due to the ultrasound series and bloodwork I was doing. It was the peak weekend, and Mum knew that. She made a point of saying she was planning to sleep with her earplugs in and her fan on (since we live downtown and she thinks it''s noisy anyhow, and everywhere is too hot with not enough airflow for her), so we shouldn''t worry about her overhearing anything.
Next cycle we''ll be visiting DHs Dad, and I think the bedframe creaks a little. At least it''s on another floor and FIL is hard-of-hearing

Good luck!
Kate

 

[drk]

I figured it''s time for a little bump....

LS, did you end up squeezing the IUI in?

How are the rest of you doing?

Nothing much new here. I''ve been bad this vacation and forgot to take my naltrexone a couple nights. I was a good girl and did wake up at 5am the first two nights we were away to take the femara at the same time as I would have taken it back home. Still waiting for it to do something though, since it''s now CD16 and I think I saw the first CM change today. The last few months on the clomid when I was being monitored by U/S, I was supposedly ovulating about now. Hope it''s a good one, even if it shows up late!

Kate