Aging parents and money

[MissGotRocks]

To all the wonderful responders/responses--MissGotRocks, tyty333, missy, missoph, Sky56, monarch64, movie zombie, arkieb1, texaskj, VRBeauty, iLander, Lady Disdain, ruby59, distracts, boerumbiddy, Tekate---thank you!

There are a lot of good heads on PS/Diamond Hangout which is why I came here to see what the experiences had been.

1. I am going to go see my parents tomorrow with a listing of Daily Money Management firms for them to choose from. I will provide oversight twice yearly to 'the books' (2) IF my parents agree to meet with an eldercare lawyer to ensure everything is in place (healthcare POAs naming each other that are current, a will/trust or some legal tool thereof, etc., discussion re Daily Money Management firms). If they won't go see the eldercare lawyer, I'm done.

I agree with all of you. My husband particularly agrees with those who pointed out that "embezzler!" will be the first word out of their mouth if they forgot a withdrawal or forgot really ANYTHING. (They're not wrong, ever, so I'd be the embezzler rather they forgot they took out money from the account/s.) And if someone in my mom's bridge group or book club has sued their child, my mom will take that and run with it.

Its best for all concerned to hire a Daily Money Management firm (DMM). Yes, they do exist now not just for celebs and the uber wealthy but particularly for seniors who can't or don't want the hassle and whose children don't have TIME for the hassle. They very diplomatically did not comment on families where lack of trust and failure to disclose information re finances is a problem too.

A DMM will put their taxes together. A DMM will ensure the monthly payment to the CCRC gets made. Etc. Best thing ever, the DMM will take on the medical statements which I was particularly dreading. I can hardly comprehend my own insurance statements!

For anyone who might need this not because their parents are frightening and risky sorts but because they themselves are busy, here is a great article from The Chicago Trib online regarding DMMs.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/special/primetime/chi-primetime-bills-060811,0,274969.story

This is from Nolo.com, the legal website:

What Is a DMM?
Daily money management (DMM) programs help people who cannot handle their own financial affairs. Essentially, a daily money manager acts as a personal financial assistant. According to a survey conducted by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), the kinds of services that DMMs provide most often are:
paying bills
maintaining financial records
preparing budgets
balancing checkbooks, and
negotiating with creditors.
DMMs can also prepare checks for clients to sign, help older people organize bank and financial records, prepare and deliver bank deposits, gather documents for tax returns, help decipher medical bills, and review bank statements in order to detect potential financial abuse or fraud.

Thank you for this azstonie - I had never heard of this before.

I have elderly parents too so this thread is of special interest to me.

If you can/it's OK with you, would you mind expanding on your step #2:

(2) IF my parents agree to meet with an eldercare lawyer to ensure everything is in place (healthcare POAs naming each other that are current, a will/trust or some legal tool thereof, etc

What other things do you think they need to have in place or that they should talk to a lawyer about?
Why the healthcare POAs naming each other (in case something happens to one of them they can make decisions for the other?)

Yes, it is important that someone be able to speak on their behalf if they are unable to do so for themselves. There should be an alternate as well. They would also be strongly encouraged to do a living will - making end of life decisions now while they are capable of deciding what they would want. CPR, ventilators, hydration, tube feeding - any kind of life support. Some people want some of it, others want none of it due to pre-existing health conditions. Most hospitals offer these forms to help facilitate the decision making. It is much easier on the family if they have discussed and know what their loved ones want at the end stages of their lives. It is also important to have a will - particularly if they have special bequests for certain monies or objects that they want to leave to specific people.

 

[azstonie]

Hi CJ, just posted over on your thread.

Generally speaking, adults need advanced directives for healthcare decisions and that includes naming their health care powers of attorney (typically each other unless one has dementia). This must include HIPPA language to be fully functional. And, even when adult children aren't the health care POA, the parents must specify that medical personnel and providers are allowed to speak with you and inform you.

They also need a will or a trust. From what you've shared, a trust might be best as it is never made public, while a will has to be filed with the court and creditors can come forward.

They also need to specify and hopefully prepay their funerals.

 

[azstonie]

You also need to copy their SSN cards and listing of income sources and debt/payments.

 

[movie zombie]

all the above re trusts, wills, etc. is true.
and last year my mother informed me that she and my dad had been to a funeral home and prepaid for everything....which means they also chose their own caskets [opposed to cremation].
I must admit that my parents have done it right re having the $ for their end of life care, etc.

 

[momhappy]

If they live in a retirement community, there must be others living there who have/need help with their finances. Does the community have a staff member you could speak to that might have the ability to advise you about financial management services?
Based on what you've posted, I wouldn't touch their request with a 10-foot pole…. You owe them nothing. Say no, offer them a list of professional money management services, and move on with your life.

 

[Sky56]

momhappy - great advice. They are toxic people and helping them or even contact with them is playing with fire.