Advice on DH protocol before newborn arrives

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 2/22/2010 11:42:08 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/22/2010 11:35:02 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/22/2010 11:24:52 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/22/2010 11:20:56 AM
Author: meresal
Just an update...

I sent DH an email explaining all of my qualms about him going. He just called me at work and said that he now sees ''why'' it was a bad idea. Sometimes he reacts better to things that are written out, as opposed to being spoken.

To be honest, my mom is going to be here for a month after the baby is born, and if the baby happens to come before the party, then I could care less if he goes. It''s only one night and my mom will be there to help... but before teh baby arrives is just so much different to me. DH agreed that if the baby has not arrived by then, he will stay at home with me.

I''m honestly pretty surprised that he backed down already. I thought this was going to need a mediator

Thank you again for all of your input. I appreciate the advice!

No meresal, NO. Baby comes early, he does not get to go to the party, even though your mom and you have things under control. Life must change for him too. That means sacrifices. Caretaking does not mean only when it is CONVENIENT. Best not to set that example early, especially since your DH even thought that going to a party at 39 weeks was OK.

I totally get this. However, what about when I want to get away and do something with my friends? I can''t keep DH from doing things he likes, because then he will resent me when I want to take a night off.

Life is going to change drastically for both of us, and we definitely understand that... but to us, it doesn''t mean that our lives outside of a child have to come to a complete hault. DH has his moments of stupidity, and moments of clarity, but I would be a horrible person if I told him he couldn''t do anything now that a baby is here.

C definitely understands sacrifices and has already made many just to prepare for our baby. We are both changing, but I definitely can''t take away everything that he likes doing, just because we have a child. I would hate if he did that to me, and I can''t do that to him.

Yes, but not in the first couple of weeks, IMHO.

And I can pretty much assure you that your taking a NIGHT off won''t happen for awhile.

Listen to TGal, she knows!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Mere, by all means, you SHOULD have nights out after the baby comes - every mom will agree with you on that. But in the first few weeks, I really don''t think that''s something either one of you will want to/should be doing. After the first month of course, both of you will need your time away and get some space, but I can''t imagine even WANTING to when my baby is only a week or two old!

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m going to be totally honest with you.

I get what you are saying re: your mom being in town and helping out.

Same situation with us. My mom was in town and she took care of me while I took care of DD. She cooked (literally would walk into my room while I was asleep with food), cleaned, and would take DD when I needed a nap and she was awake.

I didn''t need FI there so I never put my foot down when he wanted to hang out with friends. He would go out on a Friday evening for an hour or two. No big deal. I felt eventually things would get easier and I''d be able to go out on a Friday evening like he is doing. And besides, mom was taking care of me so it was all good.

Until my mom left.

FI had no idea what to do to help me. He was used to doing his own thing and "playing" with DD (as much as you can play with a newborn) but didn''t concern himself with the feeding, changing diapers, putting back to sleep because he didn''t do any of it. That was me and my mom. He didn''t get that I needed someone to help me with food because when he got home from work the food was on the table already. He didn''t get that I needed an hour or two to take a nap when DD was wide awake because he didn''t have to worry about that, my mom did. He didn''t get why I was depressed and felt so alone because life for him remained the same.

What did that lead to? Resentment. Tears. Anger. Screams. Fighting. A couple of "you don''t love me, our relationship is awful" conversations. More resentment. Breaking the engagement. Almost moving out all together.

And it wasn''t just the helping out factor because honestly, my mom was fabulous and he really didn''t need to do any more than what she was doing. It was about emotional support. The blues hit me hard and as soon as night would hit, I would cry. I needed a hug and he was at a friend''s house watching a movie

to him and

to me.

It took a long time for things to get into a routine (about 4 months) where he was actually helping me and for me to realize that we are the parents not just me or when my mom would visit. It is taken even longer for us to get passed the crap we went through in the beginning (DD will be 8 months old and we still are no where near talking about getting married at this point).

My unsolicited advice is to make him realize that life changes for the both of you. If you are home, he has to expect to be home especially in those first few months. He doesn''t get to have a night out with the buddies just because your mom is there.

 

[vespergirl]

Meresal, I''m glad that he''s come to his senses. Sounds like he''s having the typical "new dad panic" that has happened to several people I know within a month or two before the birth, when the new child became a reality. I remember my older brother calling me up crying 3 weeks before his son was born, lamenting the fact that he wouldn''t have as much time to go to bars, or snowboarding and mountain biking (I know, what an ass). Of course, he totally stopped caring about those things as soon as he held his son, but pre-baby jitters are almost like pre-wedding jitters - people know they''re being selfish, but they are mourning what they see as the loss of their independence.

But, it sounds like your husband understands what you need, now, and I''m glad that you guys worked it out.

I also wanted to throw in that I delivered my first baby at 39 weeks, 3 days after my OB said that he didn''t expect me to deliver for AT LEAST another 2 weeks, so it just goes to show that babies will come when they want, not when we want. I think that he should plan to stay as close as possible from around 37 weeks on ...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/22/2010 11:54:02 AM
Author: fiery
I''m going to be totally honest with you.

I get what you are saying re: your mom being in town and helping out.

Same situation with us. My mom was in town and she took care of me while I took care of DD. She cooked (literally would walk into my room while I was asleep with food), cleaned, and would take DD when I needed a nap and she was awake.

I didn''t need FI there so I never put my foot down when he wanted to hang out with friends. He would go out on a Friday evening for an hour or two. No big deal. I felt eventually things would get easier and I''d be able to go out on a Friday evening like he is doing. And besides, mom was taking care of me so it was all good.

Until my mom left.

FI had no idea what to do to help me. He was used to doing his own thing and ''playing'' with DD (as much as you can play with a newborn) but didn''t concern himself with the feeding, changing diapers, putting back to sleep because he didn''t do any of it. That was me and my mom. He didn''t get that I needed someone to help me with food because when he got home from work the food was on the table already. He didn''t get that I needed an hour or two to take a nap when DD was wide awake because he didn''t have to worry about that, my mom did. He didn''t get why I was depressed and felt so alone because life for him remained the same.

What did that lead to? Resentment. Tears. Anger. Screams. Fighting. A couple of ''you don''t love me, our relationship is awful'' conversations. More resentment. Breaking the engagement. Almost moving out all together.

And it wasn''t just the helping out factor because honestly, my mom was fabulous and he really didn''t need to do any more than what she was doing. It was about emotional support. The blues hit me hard and as soon as night would hit, I would cry. I needed a hug and he was at a friend''s house watching a movie

to him and

to me.

It took a long time for things to get into a routine (about 4 months) where he was actually helping me and for me to realize that we are the parents not just me or when my mom would visit. It is taken even longer for us to get passed the crap we went through in the beginning (DD will be 8 months old and we still are no where near talking about getting married at this point).

My unsolicited advice is to make him realize that life changes for the both of you. If you are home, he has to expect to be home especially in those first few months. He doesn''t get to have a night out with the buddies just because your mom is there.

Yes. This.

Do you really think you''d think very well of a guy who chooses a night out with his buddies over you in such a PIVOTAL time in your life? Yes, he''d probably be sitting there twiddling his thumbs a bit, but he would be there. You may think you may not be bugged by a guy who runs off to do his thing so early in the game, but ask any mom who has blown up at her husband...resentment BUILDS.

I couldn''t respect it. And I''m a believer that men need respect more than love. It''s planting the seed for some really tough times.

 

[meresal]

Tgal- I totally agree. C and I will talk more about it. I just don''t want to sound like I am turning into the "nagging" wife/mother already

MP- I can''t imagine that he will want to actually leave once the baby is here. I think he just wants to feel like it is his decision to stay or not. If that makes sense?

Fiery- I apprecitae your honesty. I never realized how hard it got for you. I am so sorry.
Actually one of my biggest worries, is that C will not feel comfortable around the baby or around me, and I have already let him know, that I will hand the baby to him ALL the time and he will need to figure out for himself that he can take care of our LO as well.
I hadn''t thought about all the other "details" that need to be done when DH likes to sit and watch tv, or play on the computer. I will be sure to remember to have him help my mom out when she is doing laundry or cleaning things up around the house.
I actually think about one of your posts often, where your SO came home late went to kiss the baby and ended up waking her up, and then handed her to you to "take care of". I think this is when I realized that DH needs to be able to handle our LO on his own and not always think that I am the only parent.
We have actually discussed the going out thing, and he knows that for the first 2 months there will be hardly anything at night, other than taking over for me, so that I can rest. We have agreed, and this whole college party thing would be completely abnormal. I *think* it will also help that our new house is away from where we live now. He doesn''t go out during the week, and rarely on the weekends. I will be sure to let him know that it is not indicative of things changing in our day to day lives, like going to the bar or a buddies house to play games or have a beer.

Vesper- I think you might have hit the nail on the head. DH is so focused on his life changing AFTER the baby gets here, that he thinks he has to cram all of his fun things in BEFORE the baby arrives. I have a feeling that was his rationalization when he brought up going to this party.
He doesn''t go out now, so I don''t by any means want him going out every night, but I still want him to be a happy person (outisde of being a Father) and want him to do a few things he enjoys.

 

[havernell]

Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/22/2010 11:20:56 AM

Author: meresal
We are both changing, but I definitely can't take away everything that he likes doing, just because we have a child. I would hate if he did that to me, and I can't do that to him.

Yes, but not in the first couple of weeks, IMHO.


And I can pretty much assure you that your taking a NIGHT off won't happen for awhile.




ETA: Somehow I screwed up the quote boxes. The words right above are Tgals. Also, I see you've responded to this since I started typing, so it's kind of a dead horse now... sorry!


Exactly. I totally understand the idea of both of you not needing to give up your former lives completely because of the baby. BUT, him having to miss one year of an annual event that he can attend for the next 50 years of his life due to the impending birth of your first child *that week* does NOT equate you telling him he can never see his friends again post-baby.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/22/2010 12:18:11 PM
Author: meresal

Vesper- I think you might have hit the nail on the head. DH is so focused on his life changing AFTER the baby gets here, that he thinks he has to cram all of his fun things in BEFORE the baby arrives. I have a feeling that was his rationalization when he brought up going to this party.

LOL my DH has said this exact thing SO many times. He brought over a friend Saturday night to watch the UFC fights, and he mentioned that once the baby comes it won''t be happening unless it is during daylight hours, which UFC usually never does. So he plans to record it instead. But the look on his face when said it, I could see the sadness lol. Here''s hoping our LO is a good sleeper!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 2/22/2010 12:18:11 PM
Author: meresal

Fiery- I apprecitae your honesty. I never realized how hard it got for you. I am so sorry.
Actually one of my biggest worries, is that C will not feel comfortable around the baby or around me, and I have already let him know, that I will hand the baby to him ALL the time and he will need to figure out for himself that he can take care of our LO as well.
I hadn''t thought about all the other ''details'' that need to be done when DH likes to sit and watch tv, or play on the computer. I will be sure to remember to have him help my mom out when she is doing laundry or cleaning things up around the house.
I actually think about one of your posts often, where your SO came home late went to kiss the baby and ended up waking her up, and then handed her to you to ''take care of''. I think this is when I realized that DH needs to be able to handle our LO on his own and not always think that I am the only parent.
We have actually discussed the going out thing, and he knows that for the first 2 months there will be hardly anything at night, other than taking over for me, so that I can rest. We have agreed, and this whole college party thing would be completely abnormal. I *think* it will also help that our new house is away from where we live now. He doesn''t go out during the week, and rarely on the weekends. I will be sure to let him know that it is not indicative of things changing in our day to day lives, like going to the bar or a buddies house to play games or have a beer.

OMG don''t remind me

Sounds like you guys are having good conversations before DS arrives.

What we went through is not something that anyone has to or should go through. Things are much better now. He''s mastered his own techniques with her and has his own routine. Things he should have understood from the very beginning he now understands.

 

[NovemberBride]

Mer,

I totally get your point about wanting to have nights out. DH and I have always enjoyed going out together, as well as our separate girls and boys nights out together. However, we both just had our first nights out after baby was born and she is 3 months old. And we they weren''t nearly as crazy of nights as we are used to - we both were out from about 7-12. And I couldn''t have imagined going out any sooner. You never know when baby is going to decide to wake up, and I can''t imagine dealing with a baby crying while hungover. And I wouldn''t be too happy to be dealing with a crying baby while DH nursed a hangover either!

I think sometimes DH''s have a hard time understanding how different life will be with a baby, especially if they are one of the first of their friends to have one. We are slowly starting to socialize again, but it''s a lot different. We used to go to a local bar/restaurant with our friends on Friday nights. This past weekend, we went for the first time since Olivia was born. The difference was we went at 6:30 after I fed her, sat at a table instead of the bar, and left at 9 to get her ready for bedtime, while our friends stayed to hear the live music that was just starting when we left. It''s different, but I wouldn''t change it for the world.

One of DH''s close friends was getting married in the city we live in a week before my due date. DH was convinced that we were going to make it to the wedding, whether the baby was here or not. I just looked at him like he was crazy, knowing that if she was born there was no way we''d be able to go. As it turned out, she was born a week early and we came home from the hospital the day of the wedding. At that point, there wasn''t even a mention of the wedding - DH''s priorities changed the second she was born. We were exhausted and trying to figure out life with a newborn. For what it''s worth, my parents were here then as well, and there''s still no way I would have wanted DH to go to that wedding - it''s our baby, not mine and my parents and we needed to focus on figuring our what the heck we were doing those first few weeks.

 

[drk]

Not a cool wish on his part!
DH traveled transatlantic for 3 days when I was 36.5 weeks. I was a little nervous about it, but told him he could go as long as he booked a fully refundable and rebookable ticket. My Mom was going to be my backup.
Then he flew to another city that''s a 5 hour drive away when I was 37.5 weeks. He''s now forbidden to go out of town. I have no problem with him going out to a concert as long as he''s reachable, but traveling 3.5 hours away for a big frat party 1 week before the due date would not be cool!
He''s about to become a Dad - time to grow up and put wife and child first!

 

[swingirl]

I think the question for me would be, "How would you feel if I took a cab to the hospital and gave birth without you there?"

Is that something he would feel good about? And would he feel good when people asked him why was he out partying with his buddies when you were delivering? Hopefully he realizes this is a once-in-a-lifetime event and a boxing party is not.

 

[meresal]

MP- C has been so good about saying how things are going to be totally different after tha baby comes, and has all but promised to give up his life completely, pretty much. I think our DH's have a similar mind set. I worry that because he has become so focused on how thigns are going to change after, that he is obsessed with getting everything possible fit in before April 29 arrives. Until today, it was not even a blip on his radar that our LO might arrive before then.

Fiery- Sorry, didn't mean to remind you.

Just wanted to let you know that at least one reader followed all of your posts and was learning from them even before becoming pregnant. I'm so glad to hear that you all are finding your "groove".

November- Thank you for sharing your time table. I think it is great to hear actual stories about how long it really takes people. DH and I have 2 weddings (I am in both) within the first 2 months of our LO being born, so we wil be pushing it... but luckily I have 20 weeks of maternity leave, so I can take alot of it in stride.
- We actually have 4 weddings, but since 2 of them are on May 1, we never even fathomed trying to attend either of those!!!

I also have a feeling that once the baby is here, C is going to forget about this party and *having* to be there. Right now neither of us have any idea of how our thoughts and such are going to change, so I think we both have some pretty unexpected realizations coming.

Drk- I think you are like me. 38 weeks would have been about as close as I was going to come to *comfortable*. 39... not so much!

Swingirl- That was part of my email. I actually used the phrase ... "What if I do go into labor. What am I supposed to do... drive MYSELF to the hospital?" I really think these things just didn't cross his mind at all.

 

[Kay]

I''m glad your DH came to his senses, Meresal. My personal guideline would be no travel after 37 weeks unless it is required travel for work. When I was in my 3rd trimester, DH received an invitation for a friend''s bachelor party in Vegas. I would have been 38 weeks PG at the time of the party. He told me he was invited, but would let the guys know he couldn''t make it. He knew without asking that that date was too close for comfort. (He learned to be more mature after a few stupid decisions and subsequent battles early in our relationship.)

 

[waxing lyrical]

After 38 weeks DH would need to stay close to home, very close. I have extremely precipitous births (last was 15 minutes). He won''t have much of a job to do since we''d make sure to have everything out and prepped, but I would definitely want him home.

This is assuming he''s not deployed.

 

[Mara]

popping in late here but most of the other gals covered it all. i can totally see him being worried about ''after'' and how different it is...newsflash, that''s your new life buddy!! we are incredibly lucky to have my mom and sister closeby and just DYING to watch the baby, but even then it is really you and the hub that make the world go round for the baby. i can''t tell you how much i have depended and relied on my husband in these first few weeks. sure my mom has been around to help and she prob would have been around more if i wanted, but i wanted US to have to deal with it because we are the parents and it''s our responsibility and we have to figure out how to make it work FOREVER.

you definitely will have fun times out after the kid comes, together and separate with your friends, but it might be a while before you even feel like going out, forget being able to. and i have to say also that ''knowing'' what is coming and actually ''living'' it when it comes, it''s hard and it''s different than you would think. if your hub is already having ''doh'' moments like this, he might have a really hard time when it''s reality and it''s HERE. not to worry you but definitely i think you guys should make sure to have it be clear on what is expected from each of you so there aren''t any surprises.

my hub went on a trip with the symphony he plays with when i was 34 weeks but after that no travel. and i knew how to get myself to the hospital in case he wasn''t nearby immediately, but he wasn''t doing any travel after that, no way no how, esp to leave me alone in the house at that advanced stage. i was like what if we have an intruder? i won''t be scaling any fences to escape in my condition!!

 

[neatfreak]

As someone who admittedly has a well trained husband, those first weeks are CRUCIAL for setting a foundation for making sure he''s confident in caring for the baby by himself. He needs to take time to watch the baby BY HIMSELF. And don''t bail him out by coming home. He''ll figure it out and if you rescue him he will NEVER learn to do it on his own. Let him make his mistakes, don''t criticize unless he''s putting the baby in danger, and let him figure it out.

TGal and Fiery are very smart. Listen to them. There is plenty of time later for hanging out with friends, but the first few weeks just isn''t that time.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 2/23/2010 12:02:38 AM
Author: neatfreak
As someone who admittedly has a well trained husband, those first weeks are CRUCIAL for setting a foundation for making sure he''s confident in caring for the baby by himself. He needs to take time to watch the baby BY HIMSELF. And don''t bail him out by coming home. He''ll figure it out and if you rescue him he will NEVER learn to do it on his own. Let him make his mistakes, don''t criticize unless he''s putting the baby in danger, and let him figure it out.

This is the best advice you could get. Don''t correct DH for doing things "wrong" or different from the way you do them. It will be a real turn-off as men don''t start off with a lot of confidence when it comes to infant care. Babies won''t be harmed by loose diapers, backwards clothes, etc.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/22/2010 11:59:01 PM
Author: Mara
popping in late here but most of the other gals covered it all. i can totally see him being worried about ''after'' and how different it is...newsflash, that''s your new life buddy!! we are incredibly lucky to have my mom and sister closeby and just DYING to watch the baby, but even then it is really you and the hub that make the world go round for the baby. i can''t tell you how much i have depended and relied on my husband in these first few weeks. sure my mom has been around to help and she prob would have been around more if i wanted, but i wanted US to have to deal with it because we are the parents and it''s our responsibility and we have to figure out how to make it work FOREVER.

you definitely will have fun times out after the kid comes, together and separate with your friends, but it might be a while before you even feel like going out, forget being able to. and i have to say also that ''knowing'' what is coming and actually ''living'' it when it comes, it''s hard and it''s different than you would think. if your hub is already having ''doh'' moments like this, he might have a really hard time when it''s reality and it''s HERE. not to worry you but definitely i think you guys should make sure to have it be clear on what is expected from each of you so there aren''t any surprises.

my hub went on a trip with the symphony he plays with when i was 34 weeks but after that no travel. and i knew how to get myself to the hospital in case he wasn''t nearby immediately, but he wasn''t doing any travel after that, no way no how, esp to leave me alone in the house at that advanced stage. i was like what if we have an intruder? i won''t be scaling any fences to escape in my condition!!

Mara- Thanks for your input! I just want to clarify that C is in no way "worried" about how things are going to be. He is very excited. Also, neither DH nor I have any idea of how things are going to be. Everything is going to be new and we will conquer our new life together. I feel like, as new parents, we are all allowed to have "doh" moments. We will survive as long as we have open lines of communication, which we do. It''s not the "doh" moments that will get us, it''s the inability to see a different perspective when those moments are pointed out to us.

NF- I posted earlier that leaving DH alone with the baby, from the beginning, is very important to me. That has been a priority of mine from before I became pregnant actually. This has already been understood by DH, and we have talked about it quite a few times.

I agree that Tgal and Fiery are a wealth of information and I have learned alot from each of them!

 

[Mara]

mere, no worries...i think you guys will do fine, but you might be surprised to find that you guys do have some expectations mentally even if you don''t realize it at the time now.

it is a steep learning curve for sure.

oh and FWIW..we went out 2 weeks after birth for our first ''date'' night and let my mom and sis watch the baby. honestly the first few weeks seemed like the best time because all he did was sleep and eat for the first 2 weeks. and since we did a combo of bottle and breast we were able to go out for a few hours. so you guys can def have alone time and date time if you are lucky enough to have family nearby or helping out!!

 

[lovelylulu]

mere, just popping in to say that I''m glad your hubby realized that he need not be attending fight night

and just to say with all this talk about training husbands, who is going to train me

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 2/23/2010 12:02:38 AM
Author: neatfreak
As someone who admittedly has a well trained husband, those first weeks are CRUCIAL for setting a foundation for making sure he''s confident in caring for the baby by himself. He needs to take time to watch the baby BY HIMSELF. And don''t bail him out by coming home. He''ll figure it out and if you rescue him he will NEVER learn to do it on his own. Let him make his mistakes, don''t criticize unless he''s putting the baby in danger, and let him figure it out.

TGal and Fiery are very smart. Listen to them. There is plenty of time later for hanging out with friends, but the first few weeks just isn''t that time.

I agree with Neatfreak 100%. With our first child, DH stayed with me all 4 days in the hospital, and then stayed home with me & the baby for 10 days after that, no parents, no in-laws. He changed diapers, bathed him, prepared bottles & fed him. So, we learned how to take care of the baby together. By the time my mom came to help when DS was 3 weeks old, we had our schedule down pat, and DH did a lot of the parenting when he was home from work. To this day, he is a great & very competent dad.

NF especially hits the nail on the head with the highlighted bit. DH is the type of man who WILL NOT be told what to do, and resents it if I try to help him. So, if I ever saw him do something differently than I would, as long as it didn''t put the baby in danger, I bit my tongue. Because of the fact that I wasn''t being critical, he jumped right into fatherhood.

I have a couple of friends who are total control freaks, and I constantly saw them berating their husbands for "doing it wrong" whenever they asked their husbands to change or feed the baby. As you can imagine, within a few weeks, those dads lost interest in being constantly criticized, and now they never take care of their kids (both just over a year old). When my girlfriends complain to me about it now, I told them straight up that if they didn''t nitpick & criticize every little thing that their husbands did, they probably would have been more encouraged to be more involved, but now they''re just afraid of getting screeched at. It''s better to just let them do things their way, that way they can form their own special bond with the baby.

 

[steph72276]

Mere, maybe your hubby was just trying to think something along the lines of "I better go out and do things with my buddies before the baby is here and won't have time for them for a while". I know I was still kind of in this mode of thinking before baby number 2 was born and I still had a couple of hours of free time with A in school. The last few weeks, I was always running around getting my hair done, getting my nails done, going out for lunch with my friends, etc because I knew when the baby came, I was going to be focused so much on him I wouldn't have much "me time". Glad he saw that it wouldn't be a good idea SO close to the end though to be that far away.

Oh and I second Mara's suggestion about going out on a date with the hubby in the first few weeks if you have help from family....we did this on Valentine's since my aunt offered to babysit and it was great, and the baby just slept the entire time for her!

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/23/2010 12:23:03 PM
Author: steph72276
Mere, maybe your hubby was just trying to think something along the lines of ''I better go out and do things with my buddies before the baby is here and won''t have time for them for a while''. I know I was still kind of in this mode of thinking before baby number 2 was born and I still had a couple of hours of free time with A in school. The last few weeks, I was always running around getting my hair done, getting my nails done, going out for lunch with my friends, etc because I knew when the baby came, I was going to be focused so much on him I wouldn''t have much ''me time''. Glad he saw that it wouldn''t be a good idea SO close to the end though to be that far away.

Oh and I second Mara''s suggestion about going out on a date with the hubby in the first few weeks if you have help from family....we did this on Valentine''s since my aunt offered to babysit and it was great, and the baby just slept the entire time for her!

Steph- This is exactly what he was thinking. MP and I were talking about that above. I will be getting my hair and nails done before the baby arrives as well!

My mom will be staying with us, as our mentor

, for the first 4 weeks, so hopefully we will have a few nights to get away for dinner.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/23/2010 12:35:12 PM
Author: meresal

Steph- This is exactly what he was thinking. MP and I were talking about that above. I will be getting my hair and nails done before the baby arrives as well!

Everybody keeps telling me to get my hair and nails done, too lol. Apparently I will never have time to do it after baby arrives, hah! I think I will be planning to get them done during week 39.

 

[appletini]

In addition to no travel, make sure he doesn''t drink much between now and then. We have friends whose first baby came 3 weeks early and in the middle of the night. The husband had been out drinking and was passed out so she had to have a friend drive her to the hospital.

 

[Mara]

thritto hair and nails...the funniest thing is that i got all this stuff done in the last 2 weeks before birth and then i remember after birth i was hobbling to the bath in the hospital and thinking, gee my pretty pedicured toes don''t really HELP ME NOW do they ... lol.

but it makes you feel better before anyway. and once you get home and are healing up, not having shrek feet and having your hair feel normal or like it typically would, does kind of make you feel a little bit better. the vain girl in me admits that if i hadn''t had time to get that stuff done beforehand i would have felt even worse afterwards feeling like ''not only am i beyond bloated with a blobby jello belly and stitches in sensitive places but my toenails could also cut glass''...

 

[divergrrl]

Shrek feet ... lol

 

[Winks_Elf]

My ex never traveled within the last six weeks of my pregnancies because I never made it to any of my due dates! Baby #1 was 5 weeks early, and the rest of them came 12 days early.

I''ve been a parent for over 12 years now, and I can tell you that while those of you who are expecting may talk about still wanting to go out after the baby is born, doing things that you enjoy, etc., much of that will go right out the door. You can plan for the baby, take classes on care, talk about what its going to be like, so on and so forth, but the reality is that once that tiny little one emerges life as you know it will cease to exist. Life BC (before children) will become a distant memory, and so many little things that you think are important now will be laughed off, and by the time your child is a year old you really won''t remember what life was like without that precious little one. We are constantly evolving as people. We start out single women, and we become a couple when we meet our man. We become a family once we say I do, and we become mothers once we see those two lines. There will be moments when you are unable to breathe because you miss that little one so much that first night away from the baby. You''ll find yourself missing the sound of the baby''s breathing and that delicious baby scent so much it hurts. Good luck making it through that first dinner out of the house...you''ll be fighting the urge to call and check on the baby every 20 minutes. If you nurse, you''ll be worried about timing a single glass of wine with how many hours til the next feeding. If the baby is on formula, you''ll find yourself hoping the baby wakes up hungry when you get home just so you can hold him or her.

Motherhood has been the most amazing rollercoaster ride I''ve ever been on in my life. When I saw those two lines for the first time, I couldn''t imagine how much my life was about to change. Now I can barely remember what I did with my time before I had children.

 

[steph72276]

Winks, sorry but I have to kindly disagree with you. I am so in love with my little boys (5 and 4 weeks) and am a dedicated mom, but I have already been out on a date with my DH at 2 weeks and didn''t feel any sort of guilt/need to call to check in at all. Granted, we were only gone for a hour and a half or so, 2 miles down the road and with my aunt watching them. But I feel like while the baby''s needs come first, you should still find time to spend as a couple and make your spouse feel important too. Too many women focus ONLY on the baby b/c it is stressful in the beginning, but then the husband starts to feel left out. I make an effort to show affection to my hubby too and we make time for each other...after all, I don''t want to raise this baby as a single mom, ya know?