A hard decision

[iheartscience]

Over, but just by a smidge.

ETA OOPS-I meant to say the honeymoon for sure-you deserve it!

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/8/2010 6:27:06 PM
Author: monarch64

Meresal, my ex-husband had similar spending habits to your brother. It was awful. And you know what? He has lost the house we lived in, and is filing for bankruptcy now. Because he pi**ed away every single cent he ever earned. He out-earned me times 4 and still ''borrowed'' money from me constantly. But you know what else? WE TOOK REALLY AWESOME VACATIONS. Totally worth it.

I actually made a really dumb comment to my dad about two months ago.

Me: "I don''t understand why people don''t spend money on taking vacations to get away from life for a while. They really raise your spirits."
Dad: "You''d be surprised how quickly that vacation doesn''t matter when you return home and there still isn''t food in your pantry."

I couldn''t even believe the words left my mouth. My dad gave me a swat to the back of the head after that one.

Ohh, I bet you look back at pictures of those vacations and they give you the fondest memories.

 

[Prana]

Oh I don''t really doubt that she''ll be back, but I definitely wouldn''t want to come back.

Smurfy. Just a suggestion, as you seem hellbent on taking a honeymoon this year. You live in Colorado. I would take a honeymoon to Colorado in a heartbeat! There is so much to see and do in that state. Also, your sister is getting married in a state park? I think I heard you say in another thread that you and your DH were wanting to start biking this new year? Get in shape? Spend your honeymoon making good on this resolution. Stay in your home state, drive to those mountains, and hike/mountain bike your asses off! Or if you go to Iowa for your sisters'' wedding, bring your bikes and your legs and do the same. Could be fun...

On another note, since I am now in the "save your $$" camp, I think that you need to start living as an adult. You are now married. No longer single. Now accountable and responsible for planning for 2 people. It sounds like you are unwilling to sacrifice your ''fun'' because you think that you ''deserve'' certain things because you work and pay bills. We all work and pay bills. Some of us have better jobs than others, therefore, can AFFORD fun and luxuries. Others do not live in circumstances that offer opportunities to splurge. On anything. I''m sorry to say this, but $1,000 dollars is not a lot of money these days. For anything. I think I might have just spent that on tires for my car. So let''s assume that you have, between your emergency fund and your honeymmoon fund, $2,000. How long is that going to last you? Honestly??? 2 months rent? A few months of groceries? A few months of bills? I''d say that you are actually in serious trouble here, considering your current circumstances.

If I were you, I''d be freaking out right now. I''d be shutting off the cable, getting rid of house phones, internet, anything that wasn''t essential for me to just live. Quite frankly, I''d be looking around for things to sell, anything to get more money in case I couldn''t find another job WITHIN the next 3 months, let alone AFTER I was going to get laid off.

This is not a time for you to be focused on taking care of yourself and having a little fun. This is a time for you to be freaking out like crazy and saving every cent that enters your hand.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I hope you make a whatever decision you & FI are comfortable with & happy with, but I thought I''d share a personal anecdote from my own H-moon:

We planned our H-moon in advance and had money set aside for it, but the mere cost of airfare, gas, food, etc took an edge off of the fun because we knew, in the back of our minds, our $$ could be going toward something else (in our case, FI''s student loans, our future home, or my tuition). We both felt deserving of a vaycay, but we couldn''t let loose 100% and enjoy it, despite having saved for the event. I guess it is a personality thing, though. Deep down, we both desired a home and low student loan payments more than a trip. When people ask how the H-moon was, we just say, "Ehhh... you know... fine..." because we''d be *that* much closer to achieving our goals. But- we opted to save for & go on a vacation instead.

It all depends on your priorities, but since 1k isn''t chump change, make sure there''s absolutely nothing else in the whole, whole, whole wide world you''d rather use that money on. It sucks to be X-number of dollars short & all you have in exchange is a so-so trip. Just be sure of your choice. If you''re planning some getaway hell or high water, then out of the 3 things you named... I''d personally go to the wedding!

 

[Kim N]

Date: 1/8/2010 5:04:34 PM
Author: decodelighted
Monday huh? Is that further than four hours from now? Am bad w/math. Can we bet on new names? 'SmurfyDisproved' has a nice ring about it.

Deco, LMAO! I love your posts, they always make me laugh. And for the record, I was musing about how the current name didn't quite apply when I read this.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 1/8/2010 7:17:50 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 1/8/2010 6:27:06 PM

Author: monarch64


Meresal, my ex-husband had similar spending habits to your brother. It was awful. And you know what? He has lost the house we lived in, and is filing for bankruptcy now. Because he pi**ed away every single cent he ever earned. He out-earned me times 4 and still ''borrowed'' money from me constantly. But you know what else? WE TOOK REALLY AWESOME VACATIONS. Totally worth it.

I actually made a really dumb comment to my dad about two months ago.


Me: ''I don''t understand why people don''t spend money on taking vacations to get away from life for a while. They really raise your spirits.''

Dad: ''You''d be surprised how quickly that vacation doesn''t matter when you return home and there still isn''t food in your pantry.''


I couldn''t even believe the words left my mouth. My dad gave me a swat to the back of the head after that one.


Ohh, I bet you look back at pictures of those vacations and they give you the fondest memories.

Hmm... yes... this is what I was getting at. But the thing is, even if there IS food in your pantry, there''s probably something else lacking, generally, that you want/need. 9k shy of a house down payment, 1k shy of a car repair, etc. It''s hard to have fun when there are other things looming over one''s head. Unfortunately, I personally didn''t realize this until I was ON my honeymoon- just a biiit too late to get a refund for the trip. It''s difficult to have all ducks in a row before taking a vacation, but I''ve learned that doing so is essential to my having fun & relaxing. But this is me. And Hawaii wasn''t a priority of mine. And even though we saved for it, I still felt crappy!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Wow! I got swamped at work and missed EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know I can''t even control myself, I kept trying to respond 4 pages back! Here I go:

Smurfy - I internet-love you. I actually feel like I "know you" know you and one time you were in one of my wedding dreams (or at least your green scrabble photoshop cake was). That said, I feel like I know you. EVERYTHING that everyone here has said is completely valid, even if you don''t want to hear it.

I was fortunate enough that I found a financially stable man that makes my knees weak when he pulls his car into our garage. He didn''t become financially stable by making dumb decisions. I had the absolute wedding of my dreams with all of my loved ones in paradise. We had a budget and we stuck to it. He offered to take a weekend trip and a "real" honeymoon this summer. Then the economy tanked. I used to travel with DH on EVERY single international trip (Japan, Germany, Belgium, England, you name it, I was there) because we could afford it. After the economy went south for everyone and our 401k statements started looking quite pitiful...all the accompanying trips stopped, too. There is a VERY STRONG possibility that my job will be eliminated by the end of Q1. We only have about 8 months of living expenses in savings and that doesn''t include my expensive shoe habit or ANY travel. I am not traveling with him AT ALL because we are not only hoarding money, but I am hoarding all accrued vacation. Our honeymoon account is separate and already fully funded. We had actually booked our HM until we realized it would be winter where we were going and cancelled to regroup.

If I don''t get another job before this one is gone, we are going to have to put our HM off so that we can add that to our emergency fund. Our biggest fear is that DH might lose his job if people don''t start buying soon. We have to put EVERYTHING on hold. That means no shoe-shopping for me, no travel except when it''s for business and no bikes for DH. Too bad.

No one is being mean to you, we are all trying to tell you that you are a grown up now. Grown ups have mortgages, cars, kids with asthma, and REAL problems. What would happen if you DO find a job quickly? More money for your HM fund!

Lastly, I would be DEVASTATED if my sister didn''t come to my wedding. BIL and his wife missed ours when we offered to pay for it and I can''t help but feel like we are almost never going to come back from that. My sister came and almost made me wish she hadn''t come, but we can (and I think we have, because I never told her how upset I was) recover from all the things that went wrong at our wedding. We would be in a totally different situation if she had not even come.

On topic, I would go to my sister''s wedding and the HM isn''t even a close second because I can take my HM to Myrtle Beach or Orlando anytime (preferably not when I will melt and look a literal hot mess), but my sister''s second wedding will only be that one time. Family is first in my book, no matter how much I want to shake them until their teeth rattle.

I hope you don''t really leave, because I think you are so much fun. But, you asked what we would do and all of us would choose to not make ANY trips. That''s what we would do and that is what we are advising you to do.

I am off to research LucyandRoger''s idea of a hometown honeymoon, it just dawned on me that I have never been to the Dallas World Aquarium or the Ft. Worth Water Gardens.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I agree with what everyone says...

And over.

And WannaBeMrsH, the Dallas World Aquarium is AWESOME! You should absolutely go! Also if you haven''t been, the JFK museum is neat-o and so is the Kimball Art Museum!

 

[packrat]

I wish we had cool stuff here to see.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:55:54 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Yeah, I''m on hiatus from PS for awhile

bye

Honestly, Smurfy, I''ve read so many of your posts in the last year and half, and you ONLY want our advice when it agrees with what you want to do. So you really want PSers to be your Yesmen/Yeswomen. Um...right...like that''s going to happen? Go ahead, take your vacation, take your hiatus, whatever. I''m sure that 3 months from now, 6 months, a year, we''ll see another thread just like this.

Over, please.

 

[yssie]

I want a staycation!!!!



Minus the cleaning the apt bit, because cleaning will lead to rearranging which will lead to redecorating... right?

Smurfy, I fear that there's an unpleasant reality check in your future. Your last thread about car failures presented a dire situation. Unfortunately sometimes we all just need to bite the bullet and do things we'd rather not do, and that includes taking vacations to de-stress. It's a tough economy, and it remains tough even as it improves - you may or may not get a new job in the next three months, and if you dont... what then? Honeymoons, weddings, and and graduations really should be the last things on your mind. If your financial counsellor agreed that putting equal amounts of savings into your emergency and fun accounts was clever, and that taking a not-dirt-cheap vacation in your financial situation was safe, you need to fire him.

 

[Blair138]

Who knows if you will read this (though Meresal I vote for over)...

I rarely respond to posts like these (especially yours), because I don''t want to get in the middle and half the time most PSer''s say what I''m thinking anyways. I have been around for a bit and have read most of your posts. I agree with everyone here. I know it may not be what you want to hear but it is the logical and ADULT decision (like wannaBmrsH said).

You need to be realistic. I feel as though you come here and post as a way to get attention or to rationalize your own wants. If you want to go on the honeymoon, GO, but when you post about your financial problems, like H_H and NUMEROUS others said, WE REMEMBER. It is not wise to spend money on frivolous things when you are losing your job and don''t know what you are going to do after.

I also firmly believe that when you are married you need to stand on your own 2 feet, and that means NO hand outs from family unless the world is caving in and it is a necessity. If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be an adult about finances.

I hope that you are not angry, but if you are going to continually come back and leave because people on the board pi$$ you off with truthful comments then maybe you should not come back.

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:42:08 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''m sorry if you feel that way Smurfy, I''m a call it like I see it kinda gal.

Haha...amen to that! Its why we love ya, hh!

 

[LostSapphire]

*sigh* here we go again. Go to SmurfySmiles. Same poster, different questions, same reactions. Posters here have tried very hard to help you (for over 2 years, that I can see) but your reactions always tell me that you don't really want to hear what advice you are given. Temper tantrums and leaving in a huff don't get you anywhere.

Smurfy: I sense a free, loving spirit who is having difficulty growing up.

Well girl, it's time.

No $$ + no job = people out on the street. Pocket every penny you can now. All it takes is a car breakdown, illness, job loss, and people are in dire straits.
LS

ETA I'm sorry to sound snarky. It usually goes against my nature. But this is so deja vu........again.

 

[Kaleigh]

The hard decision could be you can't afford a honeymoon right now. Being married and grown up means being responsible. You asked for our thoughts, they were given to you as always. It fell on deaf ears, as usual. Not being mean Smurf. Just telling you like it is. I am old enough to be your Mom, most likely. So would tell you the same thing that the many many wise PS'ers did.
When people give their honest opinions, you don't want to hear them.


This thread is like many of your older threads.


Here people are taking time out of their day to give you their advice, and you run away....


Something to think about as an adult.

 

[megumic]

I think the title of your post says it all Smurfy - it IS a hard decision because sometimes (most of the time!) the hardest thing and the right thing are the SAME!

 

[charbie]

I'm going for the under on this one...it could be a big payout!

I'm PO'ed I got busy with stuff this afternoon and missed out on all the action. But I've been dying as I've read thru these posts!

Smurphy, as I mentioned before, my husband found out two days before our wedding he was going to be losing his job in six months...and that was 3 months ago. This christmas didn't involve the typical spending, and the only reason we didn't cut anything away from our wedding was because it was so close and couldn't! We waited to order our album and such until he got offered a new job, which took three months exactly from when he began looking. We have a house, my student loans, dogs, cars, etc...so even with savings we knew a few weeks without him having a job was big big trouble. Only now are we finally able to go out to eat without using a gift card and not feel guilty.

You have said that you and your husband have takencare of your financial situation, but until you are in the black, id suggest taking a real look at your priorities, take the money and spend down on your debt. The faster you get out of debt, the faster you can begin using your money and not wasting it on interest. You obviously wasted money on the advisor, bc of they were worth the money and any good, they would have told you exactly what people here have. You seem to be thinking that you deserve this vacation, but honestly, wait until the time and situation is right! Then enjoy it!

Eta: its about needs and wants deary. We all want things, but adults get the things they actually need. And I'm sorry, but going out, spending $ on skeeball at d&b new years eve??? I mean, think about what that money can do later on...it may seem like just a little bit here and there...but it all adds up so fast!

 

[packrat]

I just want to echo the unexpected things, like LS said..We have insurance, and it''s pretty good-but JD ended up having an U/S, EGD, HIDA Scan and finally had his gallbladder removed, in the span of 2 months. We thought he had a hiatal hernia or an ulcer-neither of which would''ve been that big of a deal but yikes.

So yeah, now we magically have a few thousand dollars to pay off that we didn''t before, and we were actually sitting pretty good for the first time in..8 years. Hospital doesn''t charge interest, and won''t send us to collections if we''re paying a token amount, so that''s the only thing that saves us right now. I don''t like having the bill there, but it was one of those things that just *happens*.

Just something to consider. I would think your sister/niece would understand if you were unable to attend the graduation or the wedding b/c of uncertain finances.

 

[CellarDoor]

I thought that Smurfy really needed to splurge on a fancy new washer and dryer even though her husband didn''t have health insurance... Wow, things really haved taken a turn for the worse.

 

[noelwr]

is smurfy gone?

well, smurfy, if you by any chance are still reading, I would have chosen your sister''s wedding.

a honeymoon is just a really nice vacation. you have the rest of your married life to go on many honeymoons with your husband, and lots of time to save up for a really special vacation. your sister only gets married once (for the 2nd time

), but you know what I mean...

 

[dragonfly411]

I highly doubt Smurfy is gone, but I do hope she is getting the reality check on finances that she seems to need.

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/8/2010 4:27:42 PM
Author: lucyandroger
I have a suggestion. My BF and I have been short on TIME recently so occasionally we do a vacation at home. We clean the apartment (now house) until it's spotless beforehand and then act as if we're on vacation. For us that means we get to eat out at fancy restaurants, go shopping in the fancy boutique stores, enjoy a walk around the monuments (we live right outside DC), go ice skating or bowling or catch a movie. Basically, we vacation in our hometown but really relax and recreate how we would be on vacation. It's great because there's no travel time and you feel like you can splurge on things because it's never anywhere near as expensive as actually travelling and paying for airfare/hotel. Just a thought...

This is an amazing idea. I think DH and I will plan to do just this.

Smurfy--I hope you don't disappear from PS. I know it's hard to realize right now, but you have a large community of intelligent women here who care enough to put themselves out there and give it to you straight, even though we know you don't want to hear it. I know this thread took an ugly turn, and I don't condone that bit of it, but I do believe that everyone here generally offers their advice and opinions in the spirit of community.

As for the financial advice, sometimes being a good friend means saving someone from herself.

Your reasons for wanting to take this vacation are completely valid--you've suffered through many losses of young friends, life has been stressful lately and you'd love to have a break, and you've worked really hard to save this money and you intended to use it for your honeymoon. From an emotional standpoint, I completely understand why you feel that taking the honeymoon is the right choice.

Unfortunately, making decisions based on emotions rarely leads to what is truly best for you. We all have our own ideas about what it means to be financially secure, and you and I were both raised in a country that glorifies owning things and living beyond one's means, so it is only natural that you would feel entitled to take a vacation even though you are facing imminent unemployment and carrying debt.

However, if you were able to look at your situation without the cloud of emotion, I think you would see very clearly why so many people here are advising you against spending *any* money on any luxuries at this time.
- Would a vacation possibly ease your stress right now? Yes. But in the long run, I can tell you from personal experience that the security you feel knowing that you are living debt free makes for a very relaxed life. On the other hand, prolonging your debt in order to enjoy luxuries right now only makes for more stress.
- A vacation is one way to live your life to the fullest, and to not take your time for granted. Especially after losing people so young, I can imagine that this is a huge priority for you. However, if by living each day to the fullest you jeopardize the future you *may* have, then you are only throwing away the security and enjoyment you *could* enjoy in the future for a few pricey experiences right now. You can make each day count without spending a lot of money or leaving your own hometown if you really want to. Forfeiting the good life later on just so you can take a honeymoon you can't afford right now seems like the opposite of honoring the time you have, if you ask me.
- You saved this money for the purpose of taking a honeymoon, so it does feel like you *deserve* to use it for that purpose. However, if you are carrying debt, then as far as I see it, that money isn't even yours. You owe that money to lenders, and as long as you continue to use the money you do have for luxury items or experiences, then these lenders have a stake in your life. It's hard to sacrifice things like nice clothes, meals out, and vacations so you can pay off your debts, but that really is the best course of action for anyone to take so you can become debt free and truly live your life for yourself.

I totally get it that you want to take this vacation, and that you feel you deserve it. I understand wanting something so badly that you feel it's okay to sacrifice other things in order to make it happen. When you realize that the right choice to make is the one that is in your family's best interest for the long run, *that* is when you really grow up, in my opinion.

It's hard, I know, especially when you have friends who are living it up and you want to do the same. I spent many years living in my parent's house, working a full-time job and a bunch of side jobs, declining plans with friends and skipping out on girls' weekends because I got myself into a serious rut of debt. However, that didn't mean that I wasn't enjoying my life. I learned to relish the simple pleasures, and I found a network of friends who knew how to have fun without spending a ton of money. I went to the library instead of Barnes and Noble, the $1 movie theatre instead of the shiny new $10 one.

And guess what? If my current calculations are correct, and if my husband is blessed to continue doing as well in his business as he's been doing, we'll be completely debt free by the time I'm 39. That means in ten years from now, we will own our home outright, and our financial obligations will be limited to the bills we pay monthly for things like heat and cable. We'll be able to live exactly as we want to, to work as much or as little as we'd like, because we will not owe a thing to anyone.

I hope you come back Smurfy, and see the info in this thread for what it really is: friendly, supportive advice. We don't want to see you sacrificing your financial security for a vacation because we care.

 

[chibride10]

Wow---I am DEFINITELY coming to you ladies next time I''m about to do something silly with my money...I''m pretty capable of making bad financial decisions and this is EXACTLY what I''d need to bring me back to reality.

Smurfy, I hope you realize this too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/9/2010 1:47:18 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 1/8/2010 4:27:42 PM

Author: lucyandroger

I have a suggestion. My BF and I have been short on TIME recently so occasionally we do a vacation at home. We clean the apartment (now house) until it''s spotless beforehand and then act as if we''re on vacation. For us that means we get to eat out at fancy restaurants, go shopping in the fancy boutique stores, enjoy a walk around the monuments (we live right outside DC), go ice skating or bowling or catch a movie. Basically, we vacation in our hometown but really relax and recreate how we would be on vacation. It''s great because there''s no travel time and you feel like you can splurge on things because it''s never anywhere near as expensive as actually travelling and paying for airfare/hotel. Just a thought...

This is an amazing idea. I think DH and I will plan to do just this.


Smurfy--I hope you don''t disappear from PS. I know it''s hard to realize right now, but you have a large community of intelligent women here who care enough to put themselves out there and give it to you straight, even though we know you don''t want to hear it. I know this thread took an ugly turn, and I don''t condone that bit of it, but I do believe that everyone here generally offers their advice and opinions in the spirit of community.


As for the financial advice, sometimes being a good friend means saving someone from herself.


Your reasons for wanting to take this vacation are completely valid--you''ve suffered through many losses of young friends, life has been stressful lately and you''d love to have a break, and you''ve worked really hard to save this money and you intended to use it for your honeymoon. From an emotional standpoint, I completely understand why you feel that taking the honeymoon is the right choice.


Unfortunately, making decisions based on emotions rarely leads to what is truly best for you. We all have our own ideas about what it means to be financially secure, and you and I were both raised in a country that glorifies owning things and living beyond one''s means, so it is only natural that you would feel entitled to take a vacation even though you are facing imminent unemployment and carrying debt.


However, if you were able to look at your situation without the cloud of emotion, I think you would see very clearly why so many people here are advising you against spending *any* money on any luxuries at this time.

- Would a vacation possibly ease your stress right now? Yes. But in the long run, I can tell you from personal experience that the security you feel knowing that you are living debt free makes for a very relaxed life. On the other hand, prolonging your debt in order to enjoy luxuries right now only makes for more stress.

- A vacation is one way to live your life to the fullest, and to not take your time for granted. Especially after losing people so young, I can imagine that this is a huge priority for you. However, if by living each day to the fullest you jeopardize the future you *may* have, then you are only throwing away the security and enjoyment you *could* enjoy in the future for a few pricey experiences right now. You can make each day count without spending a lot of money or leaving your own hometown if you really want to. Forfeiting the good life later on just so you can take a honeymoon you can''t afford right now seems like the opposite of honoring the time you have, if you ask me.

- You saved this money for the purpose of taking a honeymoon, so it does feel like you *deserve* to use it for that purpose. However, if you are carrying debt, then as far as I see it, that money isn''t even yours. You owe that money to lenders, and as long as you continue to use the money you do have for luxury items or experiences, then these lenders have a stake in your life. It''s hard to sacrifice things like nice clothes, meals out, and vacations so you can pay off your debts, but that really is the best course of action for anyone to take so you can become debt free and truly live your life for yourself.


I totally get it that you want to take this vacation, and that you feel you deserve it. I understand wanting something so badly that you feel it''s okay to sacrifice other things in order to make it happen. When you realize that the right choice to make is the one that is in your family''s best interest for the long run, *that* is when you really grow up, in my opinion.


It''s hard, I know, especially when you have friends who are living it up and you want to do the same. I spent many years living in my parent''s house, working a full-time job and a bunch of side jobs, declining plans with friends and skipping out on girls'' weekends because I got myself into a serious rut of debt. However, that didn''t mean that I wasn''t enjoying my life. I learned to relish the simple pleasures, and I found a network of friends who knew how to have fun without spending a ton of money. I went to the library instead of Barnes and Noble, the $1 movie theatre instead of the shiny new $10 one.


And guess what? If my current calculations are correct, and if my husband is blessed to continue doing as well in his business as he''s been doing, we''ll be completely debt free by the time I''m 39. That means in ten years from now, we will own our home outright, and our financial obligations will be limited to the bills we pay monthly for things like heat and cable. We''ll be able to live exactly as we want to, to work as much or as little as we''d like, because we will not owe a thing to anyone.


I hope you come back Smurfy, and see the info in this thread for what it really is: friendly, supportive advice. We don''t want to see you sacrificing your financial security for a vacation because we care.

THIS is what should have been said in the first place with tact and poise. It seems I am not the only immature person on these forums. Go ahead with your silly little f-ing bet because that is REALLY mature.

I only wanted to post this to thank haven for HER insight. I am seriously amazed at the snarkiness most you have chosen to post. I usually believe there is good in everyone but in this case I may be mistaken. And as for the person who posted about us buying some expensive washers and dryers?? Yeah, we never did that. Get your facts straight.

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:14:17 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved


THIS is what should have been said in the first place with tact and poise. It seems I am not the only immature person on these forums. Go ahead with your silly little f-ing bet because that is REALLY mature.

I only wanted to post this to thank haven for HER insight. I am seriously amazed at the snarkiness most you have chosen to post. I usually believe there is good in everyone but in this case I may be mistaken. And as for the person who posted about us buying some expensive washers and dryers?? Yeah, we never did that. Get your facts straight.

Smurfy... sersiously? If you re-read the posts with an open mind and no emotion, like Haven said to do when looking at your situation, you will see that originally most of us did say things with tact and poise, trying to explain our opinion, but you are the one that didn't want to hear it... and replied with very rude posts as well.

Ya, the bet isn't mature, but neither is running away and making it widely known that you are running away, everytime someone posts on one of your threads with an opinion you don't want to hear.

FWIW, I'm glad you chose to read Haven's post, becuase it is exactly what we were all trying to say.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:21:30 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 1/9/2010 2:14:17 PM

Author: Smurfyimproved



THIS is what should have been said in the first place with tact and poise. It seems I am not the only immature person on these forums. Go ahead with your silly little f-ing bet because that is REALLY mature.

I only wanted to post this to thank haven for HER insight. I am seriously amazed at the snarkiness most you have chosen to post. I usually believe there is good in everyone but in this case I may be mistaken. And as for the person who posted about us buying some expensive washers and dryers?? Yeah, we never did that. Get your facts straight.

Sumrfy... sersiously, most of us did say things with tact and poise, trying to explain our opinion, but you are the one that didn't want to hear it... and replied with very rude posts as well.


Ya, the bet isn't mature, but neither is running away and making it widely known that you are running away, everytime someone posts on one of your threads with an opinion you don't want to hear.


FWIW, I'm glad you chose to read Haven's post, becuase it is exactly what we were all trying to say.

Well it certainly didn't come off that way and the only reason I reacted the way I did was I felt I had to defend myself. And I KNOW I have personal issues to work on, hence why I wrote " I am not the only immature one here". Please read more carefully.

 

[meresal]

Smurfy- Please go back and read my post where I was trying to explain my view to you, and tell me where I was rude?

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I know you don''t want to read this, so skip over if you wish, but I just want to touch on what other people have been saying about saving.
Many poeple on this board, myself included, think that being debt free should be the first priority... and in doing so many of us have all given up something along the way in order to make sure we are at least trying to be financially stable. Personally, I have never carried debt, but as soon as we sign our lives over to the house we are building, you can bet nothing will come before making sure that my husband and our son have a roof over their head.
If I were in your shoes I would be putting everything possible into paying off your debt and saving up a down payment for a reliable mode of transportation, to make sure you can get to where ever you work next. However, you all can and will do whatever you want.

I just want you to see that people aren''t trying to be catty, they are just trying to help. Everyone here has consoled and/or congratulated you at one point or another. You were hired a year ago, only to be fired 2 months later. You then got a new job and your car has broken down twice since, and now you are wholly aware that you are going to be without a job in 3 months, but are more worried about where to travel this summer.

We all want to be there for you and help in any way, but it is extremely hard when many of us "see" the things happening in a different light than yourself. It seems, to us, that you aren''t trying to better your own situation. To be honest, if I were in your sister''s shoes and knew about you and your hubby''s financial troubles, I would have already told you not to worry about paying to come to either family event.

I hope that doesn''t come off wrong, I''m just trying to give a little insight, since this is the second time in a month that a thread you posted has gone this way.

I''m also glad to hear that your meeting went well with the financial advisor. I am a former financial advisor, and just so you know, you really can call them ANYTIME you think you need help making a decision that involves money.
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This is when you replied about seeing people die young and not wanting to waste the time you have. At the time, you just didn''t want to hear what any of us had to say. Simple as that.

Like I said, I''m glad that you came back to at least read Haven''s post. It sums up everything that everyone here was trying to say.

I apologize for the bet, that was my emotions getting the better of me as well.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I can admit when I was wrong but really, there is no need for personal attacks. I was overwhelmed by everything everyone said. Understandably so because I felt it wasn''t even related to the topic. To me it came off as an opportunity to get out your personal vendettas against me that you''ve been holding back and now since everyone was being snarky, you all could. I really enjoy posting on here but sometimes things get too intense and that is why I will be considering not posting anymore. All it does is get me worked up. I guess I don''t understand the need for the attacks, that really hurt me. I KNOW I have things to work on but there is no need to rub it in my face.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:28:14 PM
Author: meresal
Smurfy- Please go back and read my post where I was trying to explain my view to you, and tell me where I was rude?

The reason I said what Haven said is what SHOULD have been said was because she took other issues into account and didn''t try to present it as just a plain black and white issue. Does that make sense? I never said EVERYTHING was rude. I was complimenting haven.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:23:35 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Get your facts straight! Please read more carefully.

Tactful? Written with poise? The hypocrisy between what you expect (DEMAND!) from others & what you dish out is staggering. But thanks for letting us all know what we SHOULD have said. Are you paying for this advice by the way? Because you act like you can return it for a refund or send it back like overdone steak. Maybe in the future you should hand out grades in your responses! D- FOR LACK OF COMPREHENSION.