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A Courting Story

AGBF said:
Good golly I was glad for some translation. I've been married for 41 years, so it's not as if I am a blushing young girl who has never been kissed. I know what goes where. So why did I have so much trouble understanding this thread?

And I got the car metaphor immediately, but I had no idea that the string purse wasn't a handbag or what the hell you were doing with grocery bags. Only when I saw an allusion to accidental pregnancy did I understand that something was going on, but I still didn't know what the hell those grocery bags were!!! I must have read the description three times before I figured it out!

Deb
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Oh!! THE GROCERY BAGS! I missed that too I guess....I did get the chassis waxed..Oh boy..I’m glad I’m married..Things are pretty simple now! :lol:
 
Mamabean said:
Oh!! THE GROCERY BAGS! I missed that too I guess....I did get the chassis waxed..Oh boy..I’m glad I’m married..Things are pretty simple now! :lol:
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Big huge ditto to this @Mamabean!!! Thank goodness. Wow, dating is complicated. :P2
 
:lol::dance: I'm not sure if it's because I'm an Aussie or I just have a smutty mind but I got all the references immediately. :shifty:

You should start your next date by saying, hey did you leave sexually frustrated last time..... good guarantee if he did it won't happen again.
 
Matata said:
My Mr. Paddle Hands has his heart set on giving me a lube job before we head home from vacation tomorrow. So I have to make a choice between sleeping in or getting up early when the garage opens. I'm leaning toward sleeping in. Maybe my Mr. Paddle Hands will have to change his own oil :sleep:
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:lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
monarch64 said:
Mr. can change his own oil while you sleep in, and when you're ready for service he can get your motor running without wanting to participate in a drag race.
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Hahahaaahaaaaaa!
 
arkieb1 said:
:lol::dance: I'm not sure if it's because I'm an Aussie or I just have a smutty mind but I got all the references immediately. :shifty:

You should start your next date by saying, hey did you leave sexually frustrated last time..... good guarantee if he did it won't happen again.
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I think it was me who was left frustrated...he was jetlagged.

I do not recommend doing the weekly shop in such a state.
 
We are scheduled to take tea with our chaperones 11/29.

:appl:
 
Jambalaya said:
I think it was me who was left frustrated...he was jetlagged.

I do not recommend doing the weekly shop in such a state.
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I've got a vision of your cart piled high with champagne and chocolates and bubble bath... Perhaps a nice zucchini... :cheeky:
 
Zucchini or eggplant! :lol-2:

ETA: @Jambalaya, if you think you might have to carry an eggplant just make sure to have the proper size "bag". You know the small bags won't work for that job!
 
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Omg, you both are too funny!!

Last time, the supermarket was all out of zucchini - and eggplant, too, as it happens - so I'm not going to get my hopes up this time. I probably won't need any of those plastic bags. At least, I'm not going to buy any specially. I can borrow some from him if I need to, and if he doesn't have any either, I won't even bother going to the supermarket.
 
Jambalaya said:
We are scheduled to take tea with our chaperones 11/29.

:appl:
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Does that mean you will be in the company of other people when you first meet? Or am I still not getting it?

I applaud the Aussies and others who can read between the lines. Why do I need things to be explicit? I do not like coarse language, but I do like things spelled out! I never read the Fifty Shades of Grey series because it just sounded like a ripoff of The Story of O by Pauline Réage. In that things were clear. :))
 
We will be alone, but I'm trying to keep it clean! That's why you need a decoder. :twisted:
 
Definitely make sure it's clean before you put it in the bag! You might want to give it a good feel too, squishy eggplant is no bueno.
 
OMG this thread is hysterical.
 
Eggplants and cucumbers are okay, but have you considered a taco night? Way easy and more fun!
 
JPie, I don't think he likes taco. That's been my experience with him. Which is fine by me because I don't really enjoy taco, either. Weird, I know.
 
:eek2: :confused2::-o:oops::lol:
 
No love for the taco?! Most guys love Mexican, the spicier the better :twisted2:

Maybe you just need to sprinkle some spices on it or something, dress it up pretty and present it on lace doilie, hell put a bow around it and tell him it's a present, its rude to deny a gift :lol-2:

Maybe he will do the same with an eggplant dinner :twisted2:

On a total tangent, does anyone realize how many different acceptable spellings there are for doilie?
 
Oh, I did present him with a smooth taco, and he said "It's pretty." But he didn't eat it, which I was fine with. I think it's difficult to get your mouth round it properly and I think it's best to use strong, manly fingers to deal with the taco. But I might put some glitter on the food next time, just for effect.
 
^
Screen Shot 2018-11-18 at 4.46.37 PM.png
 
What? We're only talking about tacos! Do you have a filthy mind or what? :lol:
 
Jambalaya said:
What? We're only talking about tacos!
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HA! I know a double entendre when I read one. I wasn't born yesterday ya know.

Wanton eyes glistening over the table
Your only thought i must have it
I look at you knowing the same thought reverberates around your mind
You lick your lips with anticipation, glittering streaks of red wetness
That look between us, and finally the battle ends in truce
The ménage à trois begins
We share the final slice together.

(https://allpoetry.com/poem/13385065-double-double-entendre-by-Sudget6)
 
Well, well, well....Paddle Hands is in town one night next week.

I'll get my grocery list ready.
 
No lie this thread popped into my head in the shower yesterday.

Maybe there will be something steamy to report.
 
This is all very exciting. I hope that everyone is ready to translate for me once Jambalaya starts to post about her adventures. ;)).

Deb :wavey:
 
<------ is lost.
 
Karl_K said:
<------ is lost.
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Just for jollies, I will try to summarize this with British slang. Jambalaya's looking to pull a tidy one with a bloke she almost had it off with a few months ago. Unfortunately, she didn't get any of the meat and two veg she wanted, and he wouldn't give her an Aussie kiss either. Maybe she'll have better luck this time.
 
I guess I dont grep British slang cuz i'm still lost!
Is he a chef and Jambalaya wants to cook and do laundry?
Is an Aussie kiss a kind of chocolate like a Hershey kiss?
 
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