Your FOREVER bling pieces - how do you do it?

[minousbijoux]

Hi Phoenix,
I must say I am in awe of your collection – it’s truly an inspiration! I’m sorry you’re feeling discontent –
Here are a couple of different ways of looking at your problem:

The Illusion of Choice

If I have one black t-shirt it’s my favorite black t-shirt and I wear it all the time. If I have 3 slightly different black t-shirts then I will usually still only end up wearing my favorite one, even though there are 3 options available. Multiple versions of the same type of item represent fake abundance because there is usually one that is the best and the others are superfluous. Keeping rarely-used pieces because of sentimentality or out of obligation to the gifter just doesn’t make sense – either it’s your favorite or it’s not – if it’s not, it goes. (unless your definition of a forever piece includes 1 or 2 items that are kept for special occasions).

Seeing so many different pieces on PS can cause confusion between what you “like the look of” and what actually feels comfortable to wear and fits your lifestyle (“Forever” pieces are comfortable). Keep a jewellery diary of what you actually wear everyday for a year, and then try and figure out what it is about those pieces that makes them appealing – you might surprise yourself.

Can you settle on a signature style or do you crave novelty all the time?

Sufficientist vs Maximalist

Gretchen Ruben talked about different shopping habits in her book The Happiness Project:

The sufficientist shopper looking for a blue teapot will buy the first blue teapot they come across and be happy – because it fits both of their criteria: 1) it’s a teapot, 2) it’s blue. Once an object is found that meets the criteria sufficiently, the shopping stops because the Sufficientist’s needs are met.

Sufficientist PSers are easy to please (eg. 1.75 ct, signature triple ex D, IF, in a classic platinum tiffany style setting. Done.)

The Maximalist shopper must visit every shop that sells teapots and see all the blue teapots available before weighing the different price vs value options ( bigger, bluer teapot for more $$$, smaller less blue teapot, but a great bargain, medium very blue teapot at a reasonable price etc.). Once the maximalist has all the possible information, only then are they comfortable enough to make a purchase and stop shopping around.

I’m pretty sure that almost all PSers are maximalist when it comes to diamonds.

A maximalist PSer can quickly find a “forever stone” among the immediately available options given their preferred criteria. However, as time goes by and lovely new stones and potential amazing deals become available, the hunt subconsciously continues. If a new stone has a better price to value ratio for the maximalist the old “forever stone” will be traded in again and again until the maximalist has the best possible stone for the best possible deal. What a PSer values may change over time with fashion and broadening tastes, or may become fixed by sentimental value and a sense of appreciation and fondness for the piece.

Lifetime Willingness To Pay

Every PSer has a maximum “lifetime willingness to pay” (LWTP) for bling, beyond which they can’t justify spending another dollar, no matter how fabulous (eg. “This rock cost more than my car.”).

For many PSers LWTP will max out at 10-20k or so. They upgrade until they hit their max LWTP and then they have a “forever” piece. They are content because they have found the best bling for their budget.

Some lucky PSers have quite high LWTPs or a LWTP that just continues to increase over time. These folks can just upgrade and upgrade and upgrade, or try a completely different look every few years. It takes longer to find a forever piece, because with more money comes far more options.

Sometimes folks will unwittingly overshoot their LTWP and then downgrade later (eg. Amethyst and Lemony and I’m sure many others). Other folks will try to undershoot their LWTP but will be unhappy until they end up getting what they want eventually (eg. DreamerD and others).

Phoenix, in your case I think you are a maximalist shopper with an abundant LWTP that allows you to have more than one of each basic piece (e-ring, wedding band, rhr, earrings, necklace, bracelet etc.). So it could take you a while until you figure out exactly what your perfect “forever piece” is.

I hope you find contentment soon!

HopeDream: I wish I was aware of all of this when I first started my colored stone hunt! I would agree with everything you wrote and think that all of these things are equally at play - LWTP and the Illusion of Choice are huge factors. And, btw, I LOVED The Happiness Project!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Phoenix, I missed this when you first posted it, obviously, because you know I probably would have responded!

While on a smaller scale than you, I am finding myself in the same position! Do you realize I wore my original wedding set for almost 30 years???!!! And then I came here and now am on my second diamond e-ring and still want to change it! The first one was too big and now this one is too small! Yes, I am crazy!!! Do you know that I have had THREE pair of studs from WF??? I gave the first pair to my daughter, couldn't manage without some so bought a temp pair that was too small and then changed to a larger pair this year! Have I mentioned that I love vendors with good upgrade policies???

Like you and mom2boys, I really just desire a few classic, elegant pieces with ideal cut diamonds (but on a smaller scale, obviously). The thing that I have been consistent on is buying G-H VS+ and that has been good because I know I would have had regrets for settling for lower. And of course, it isn't so hard to do G VS1 at the sizes I am looking at! But we all have to balance out those factors and sometimes it takes having a stone for awhile to decide it is too small, too tinted, clarity not 100% mind clean, or whatever! I have also been totally happy with my Tiffany Legacy wedding band and intend to continue using it as well as the Vatche U-113 Tiffany replica setting (but that was a road of trial and error getting to that setting!).

Like you said, we do occasionally see some new things that tempt us like the antique rings. I love them and hope maybe I can have one someday, but I know that I couldn't do it unless the diamond was really excellent. And that's why I was looking at AVR's, since they are pretty much perfect.

But there is one more factor. I really enjoy buying diamonds and jewelry. I don't desire quantity really at all. My wedding set and studs are what I wear the most so I want those to be right. I really have most of the basics that I want. But I guess I have to keep working on something all the time because it is my hobby and I enjoy it! My main problem is patience, and I do have to work on that!

 

[JaneSmith]

It sounds like you have worked out a lot of this for yourself already. Bravo! You know you want a core collection, and have sold the smaller items that do not make the cut. You know you want your core collection to be comprised of large, quality stones, and you have some of those already. Plus you have the knowledge to buy the right stones, so you shouldn't have the problem that many have here with their 'pre-PS' diamonds.
For me, I know that I will never sell any jewelry. I just can't. I usually attach some meaning to each piece, or its something I've wanted for a long time, so I just can't part with it. Also, the thought of losing money at resale is sickening. I also like the idea of being able to pass my collection on to my daughter one day. Far, far in the future hopefully. So, knowing that helps me be a little more discerning. That and lack of cash.
As for my list of things I want, yes, it is a bit long. But I have been over and over it, and I am very sure I want everything. It gets revised from time to time but the things I have earmarked for big occasions never change. I am (relatively) young so I can wait a few years for my most coveted items.
I find being on PS to be more helpful than not. Granted, it certainly fuels my acquisitive fire. Especially the big delicious solitaires like Holly, Poppy, and Venice. But it has also helped seeing such great diversity. I'm now pretty damn sure of my taste and realistic about what I would wear, hence my jewelry list being pretty solid and not having much change.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, because I have no plans to stop buying jewelry in my lifetime. I will always want more, and I have no guilt about spending money on myself. I've spent enough of my life feeling like I don't deserve nice things, or that I'm not worth the value of a beautiful piece of jewelry. I finally realise that some of my disposable income can be spent on me, on things I like.
I hope you can just relax a bit, accept that you love diamonds, and be very glad that you can afford them. This works for me.
Good luck!

Awww, you are too sweet! You've certainly put a positive spin on things. That's really nice!
You're welcome! I try to see the positive in a situation, without becoming a Pollyanna.

I'd love to hear what you're hankering after. Sounds divine!
I think my whole list is somewhere here in the hangout, under realistic wish list. I should go and update it. My immediate wants are a pink sapphire RHR, and cartier trinity. The big things I want eventually are a big blue sapphire e-ring a la Princess Diana's, a yellow diamond with a double halo, a larger oval for my current e-ring, and a 3ct or more AVC solitaire.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty about spending money on onself. I think if truth be known, I'd say this is the EXACT problem I've been having. Just to share a little bit, I came originally from a middle-class family (if you wanted to talk about classes, that is), we lost it all and then were very very poor. We struggled, I struggled and have worked very hard to get to where we/I am. For the longest time, my biggest fear in life was to be poor. Throughout my twenties and even in my thirties (when I was already established professionally and earning a good salary as an expat in Hong Kong), I was very stingy and would always think twice about spending money on myself. Mind you, I wasn't stingy with other people, just wt myself.
I can relate a bit. We were poorish. I say 'ish' because we never went without food, my mum grew a vege garden. As an adult with a good job I was generous with friends and family, yet stingy with myself for a long time.

Then my mom got really sick for a long period of time and eventually she died. After she passed away, we discovered a bunch of things that she'd bought but never ever used - she was saving them for the right moments, I guess. She was into diamonds but she only bought small things (she did have large diamonds loooooong ago - when my dad was earning good money, and before we lost it all), preferring to not wear them daily but only for special occassions. So all these beautiful diamonds never really got fully used and worn and shown off to others like she would have or should've wanted.
This is just so damn sad. I'm sorry you lost your mum. I'm very sorry she had lovely things hidden away that she never got to enjoy. Like a life imagined but never lived. One of my reasons for a list of life goals (aka bucket list, but I don't like calling it that).
I don't mean to imply that jewelry is the be-all end-all.

THAT was the turning point in my life. From the time she got terminally ill and esp when she passed away, I began to think that I needed to enjoy the hard fruits of my lavour - why save and scrimp when you could pop off any moment?
Fatalistic, but also realistic. I understand this.

But then recently (like this past year or so), I realised that this was silly thinking and silly behaviour, that some of that money could be better utilised towards DH's and my retirement, that I could cut down on my spending on bling and put our resources to better usage. Hence this thread.
Don't swing the other way. It is not silly thinking to enjoy your life whist being aware of your own mortality. It is also not silly to slow down the spending a bit now and then and make sure you are going to have a comfy retirement because chances are you're not going to pop off at any moment. Finding your own balance in this is takes some introspection.

I'm happy to hear that you don't rack yourself with guilt when it comes to spending money on yourself, to buy nice blingy things; and I wil learn to relax and enjoy my collection.
This is a recent development for me. It took a long time to get here, but I can be dense. You'll find a happy medium and/or just accept yourself as a bling lover.

Thank you, sweetie.

You're welcome! I am happily surprised that I could help.

 

[minousbijoux]

It sounds like you have worked out a lot of this for yourself already. Bravo! You know you want a core collection, and have sold the smaller items that do not make the cut. You know you want your core collection to be comprised of large, quality stones, and you have some of those already. Plus you have the knowledge to buy the right stones, so you shouldn't have the problem that many have here with their 'pre-PS' diamonds.
For me, I know that I will never sell any jewelry. I just can't. I usually attach some meaning to each piece, or its something I've wanted for a long time, so I just can't part with it. Also, the thought of losing money at resale is sickening. I also like the idea of being able to pass my collection on to my daughter one day. Far, far in the future hopefully. So, knowing that helps me be a little more discerning. That and lack of cash.
As for my list of things I want, yes, it is a bit long. But I have been over and over it, and I am very sure I want everything. It gets revised from time to time but the things I have earmarked for big occasions never change. I am (relatively) young so I can wait a few years for my most coveted items.
I find being on PS to be more helpful than not. Granted, it certainly fuels my acquisitive fire. Especially the big delicious solitaires like Holly, Poppy, and Venice. But it has also helped seeing such great diversity. I'm now pretty damn sure of my taste and realistic about what I would wear, hence my jewelry list being pretty solid and not having much change.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, because I have no plans to stop buying jewelry in my lifetime. I will always want more, and I have no guilt about spending money on myself. I've spent enough of my life feeling like I don't deserve nice things, or that I'm not worth the value of a beautiful piece of jewelry. I finally realise that some of my disposable income can be spent on me, on things I like.
I hope you can just relax a bit, accept that you love diamonds, and be very glad that you can afford them. This works for me.
Good luck!

Awww, you are too sweet! You've certainly put a positive spin on things. That's really nice!
You're welcome! I try to see the positive in a situation, without becoming a Pollyanna.

I'd love to hear what you're hankering after. Sounds divine!
I think my whole list is somewhere here in the hangout, under realistic wish list. I should go and update it. My immediate wants are a pink sapphire RHR, and cartier trinity. The big things I want eventually are a big blue sapphire e-ring a la Princess Diana's, a yellow diamond with a double halo, a larger oval for my current e-ring, and a 3ct or more AVC solitaire.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty about spending money on onself. I think if truth be known, I'd say this is the EXACT problem I've been having. Just to share a little bit, I came originally from a middle-class family (if you wanted to talk about classes, that is), we lost it all and then were very very poor. We struggled, I struggled and have worked very hard to get to where we/I am. For the longest time, my biggest fear in life was to be poor. Throughout my twenties and even in my thirties (when I was already established professionally and earning a good salary as an expat in Hong Kong), I was very stingy and would always think twice about spending money on myself. Mind you, I wasn't stingy with other people, just wt myself.
I can relate a bit. We were poorish. I say 'ish' because we never went without food, my mum grew a vege garden. As an adult with a good job I was generous with friends and family, yet stingy with myself for a long time.

Then my mom got really sick for a long period of time and eventually she died. After she passed away, we discovered a bunch of things that she'd bought but never ever used - she was saving them for the right moments, I guess. She was into diamonds but she only bought small things (she did have large diamonds loooooong ago - when my dad was earning good money, and before we lost it all), preferring to not wear them daily but only for special occassions. So all these beautiful diamonds never really got fully used and worn and shown off to others like she would have or should've wanted.
This is just so damn sad. I'm sorry you lost your mum. I'm very sorry she had lovely things hidden away that she never got to enjoy. Like a life imagined but never lived. One of my reasons for a list of life goals (aka bucket list, but I don't like calling it that).
I don't mean to imply that jewelry is the be-all end-all.

THAT was the turning point in my life. From the time she got terminally ill and esp when she passed away, I began to think that I needed to enjoy the hard fruits of my lavour - why save and scrimp when you could pop off any moment?
Fatalistic, but also realistic. I understand this.

But then recently (like this past year or so), I realised that this was silly thinking and silly behaviour, that some of that money could be better utilised towards DH's and my retirement, that I could cut down on my spending on bling and put our resources to better usage. Hence this thread.
Don't swing the other way. It is not silly thinking to enjoy your life whist being aware of your own mortality. It is also not silly to slow down the spending a bit now and then and make sure you are going to have a comfy retirement because chances are you're not going to pop off at any moment. Finding your own balance in this is takes some introspection.

I'm happy to hear that you don't rack yourself with guilt when it comes to spending money on yourself, to buy nice blingy things; and I wil learn to relax and enjoy my collection.
This is a recent development for me. It took a long time to get here, but I can be dense. You'll find a happy medium and/or just accept yourself as a bling lover.

Thank you, sweetie.

You're welcome! I am happily surprised that I could help.

I love all of this - I love how you trusted enough to come here and say this and how genuine and supporting you are to each other!

 

[Phoenix]

Sorry I've been MIA - was travelling.

I'll try to respond to at least some of the posts. Thank you all for posting.

I just wanna set the record straigth and say that I am not unhappy. I hope that's not the impression I've conveyed. Just don't wanna make the mistake of buying bling items only to turn around after a few years and sell them/ not keeping them. It's just a lot of hassle, not to mention the shipping and insurance charges involved as well as losses on re-selling. I see, as mentioned above, very PS'ers who seem to "get it right" the first time, or at least the second or third time around; and I'd like that do that, to buy bling that I can keep for a least a few decades. I'd like to learn from those PS'ers their "secret", if any.

 

[Phoenix]

I think you have a magnificent collection and as you grow and evolve, it does too. Seems perfectly reasonable to me!

Personally, my jewelry budget is so limited that I cannot afford to make many changes. I also tend to be fairly sentimental about pieces that are connected to life events. I find that I am most drawn to pieces that seem like art to me. If the setting reflects exceptional craftsmanship or inspired creativity, I love it so much more. I also get such delight out of dreaming up pieces. A favorite game I play as I'm falling asleep is to ponder "what would I do with a 1.25 carat marquise?" or whatever random stone I pick. I have so much fun thinking of just the right piece for me. Keeps me endlessly entertained and doesn't cost a thing!

Far better to be loyal to people than things. Don't spend another second fretting over it, I say.

Thank you, Rosebloom. You are a sweetie.

I think that's the key: to make sure pieces I buy are tied to certain significant life events or milestones. Agreed also about art pieces - am still dreaming about all the magnificent pieces you posted on my "reset Holly" thread... I really really want to...just need to decide what setting and what details I'd love the most for Holly.

I will enjoy what I have and will try not to fret over things.

Thank you.

XX

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Phoenix, most of the girls here that have larger diamonds have upgraded while I have been here! So I think it is a process for almost everyone! And it is easier to make changes to settings and upgrade diamonds when you have the money to do so! Bliss, mom2boys, Frankie, etc. have all been on upgrading and/or setting changing journeys! There probably aren't any people here who have had 3 ct.+ diamonds for 20 or more years since most that size are going to be upgrades!

I think the people here who do not upgrade (diamond or setting) either are too attached to their original ring for sentimental reasons, they got the perfect ring at the beginning and there is no reason to upgrade, their husbands won't let them upgrade their original ring, or they cannot afford to upgrade. And some maybe haven't been married long enough to even think about upgrades!

 

[TravelingGal]

For me it's simple.

- I usually attach my pieces to a life event so it's sentimental (e-ring, birth of child, 40th birthday), and *I* am sentimental.
- I research to death in the planning stage, but I don't fret the execution stage
- I'm not a picky person and am pretty easily satisfied
- I have neither the time, patience, or endless funds (or resources to buy/sell/make more bling money) to buy heaps of bling, so what I've got, I've got.

For example, my Amelia ring - I rarely wear it since I got my 3 stone. But that ring was always meant for her (whether she wears it or pawns it isn't my problem), so I have no problem holding onto it and look forward to giving it to her someday. I never plan on selling it - I spent the money on an object to mark the occasion. It stays.

The ONLY ring I ever considered selling (tried to, actually), was my Beaudry ring. I still love it but don't wear it. And the top two bullets definitely don't pertain to that ring (I bought on ebay on a sort of whim). So if I bought more in that manner (and I don't), I can see why I'd buy/sell/wouldn't consider it a forever piece.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Sorry I've been MIA - was travelling.

I'll try to respond to at least some of the posts. Thank you all for posting.

I just wanna set the record straigth and say that I am not unhappy. I hope that's not the impression I've conveyed. Just don't wanna make the mistake of buying bling items only to turn around after a few years and sell them/ not keeping them. It's just a lot of hassle, not to mention the shipping and insurance charges involved as well as losses on re-selling. I see, as mentioned above, very PS'ers who seem to "get it right" the first time, or at least the second or third time around; and I'd like that do that, to buy bling that I can keep for a least a few decades. I'd like to learn from those PS'ers their "secret", if any.

no secret Phoenix,if you were poor like me you wouldn't have that problem... ...but then i wish i had your problem...

 

[04diamond<3]

Phoenix, most of the girls here that have larger diamonds have upgraded while I have been here! So I think it is a process for almost everyone! And it is easier to make changes to settings and upgrade diamonds when you have the money to do so! Bliss, mom2boys, Frankie, etc. have all been on upgrading and/or setting changing journeys! There probably aren't any people here who have had 3 ct.+ diamonds for 20 or more years since most that size are going to be upgrades!

I think the people here who do not upgrade (diamond or setting) either are too attached to their original ring for sentimental reasons, they got the perfect ring at the beginning and there is no reason to upgrade, their husbands won't let them upgrade their original ring, or they cannot afford to upgrade. And some maybe haven't been married long enough to even think about upgrades!

Bolded = ME!! Well, we're going on 5 years being married and this year in 6 months will be 9 of being together. I joined PS before we got engaged about 6 months before but I've been obsessed with glitter since I was a child. DH knew before ever giving me diamonds that they wouldn't be the only ones and that I'd get bigger ones over time. We're at about that point that we're talking about my first ever real upgrade within the next year. DH is very very attached to my engagement ring and because of this I've become more attached to it. We've compromised on this. We're keeping my first engagement ring and giving it to our first born for when they get engaged and getting a brand new ring next year.

Phoenix - from what I know of you you love your bling and that is nothing to be ashamed of! You have the means to get what you want and that's not a bad thing! Personally, if I had your collection I'd keep them to pass down to kids later on. If that's not the case with you then maybe selling some of your things on the preloved section would at least help with selling them meaning that you'd be selling it to someone on here and that'd make you feel better? Either way, don't feel bad! Life is way too short not to appreciate these treasures.