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- Aug 5, 2010
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HopeDream|1358657165|3360124 said:Hi Phoenix,
I must say I am in awe of your collection – it’s truly an inspiration! I’m sorry you’re feeling discontent –
Here are a couple of different ways of looking at your problem:
The Illusion of Choice
If I have one black t-shirt it’s my favorite black t-shirt and I wear it all the time. If I have 3 slightly different black t-shirts then I will usually still only end up wearing my favorite one, even though there are 3 options available. Multiple versions of the same type of item represent fake abundance because there is usually one that is the best and the others are superfluous. Keeping rarely-used pieces because of sentimentality or out of obligation to the gifter just doesn’t make sense – either it’s your favorite or it’s not – if it’s not, it goes. (unless your definition of a forever piece includes 1 or 2 items that are kept for special occasions).
Seeing so many different pieces on PS can cause confusion between what you “like the look of” and what actually feels comfortable to wear and fits your lifestyle (“Forever” pieces are comfortable). Keep a jewellery diary of what you actually wear everyday for a year, and then try and figure out what it is about those pieces that makes them appealing – you might surprise yourself.
Can you settle on a signature style or do you crave novelty all the time?
Sufficientist vs Maximalist
Gretchen Ruben talked about different shopping habits in her book The Happiness Project:
The sufficientist shopper looking for a blue teapot will buy the first blue teapot they come across and be happy – because it fits both of their criteria: 1) it’s a teapot, 2) it’s blue. Once an object is found that meets the criteria sufficiently, the shopping stops because the Sufficientist’s needs are met.
Sufficientist PSers are easy to please (eg. 1.75 ct, signature triple ex D, IF, in a classic platinum tiffany style setting. Done.)
The Maximalist shopper must visit every shop that sells teapots and see all the blue teapots available before weighing the different price vs value options ( bigger, bluer teapot for more $$$, smaller less blue teapot, but a great bargain, medium very blue teapot at a reasonable price etc.). Once the maximalist has all the possible information, only then are they comfortable enough to make a purchase and stop shopping around.
I’m pretty sure that almost all PSers are maximalist when it comes to diamonds.
A maximalist PSer can quickly find a “forever stone” among the immediately available options given their preferred criteria. However, as time goes by and lovely new stones and potential amazing deals become available, the hunt subconsciously continues. If a new stone has a better price to value ratio for the maximalist the old “forever stone” will be traded in again and again until the maximalist has the best possible stone for the best possible deal. What a PSer values may change over time with fashion and broadening tastes, or may become fixed by sentimental value and a sense of appreciation and fondness for the piece.
Lifetime Willingness To Pay
Every PSer has a maximum “lifetime willingness to pay” (LWTP) for bling, beyond which they can’t justify spending another dollar, no matter how fabulous (eg. “This rock cost more than my car.”).
For many PSers LWTP will max out at 10-20k or so. They upgrade until they hit their max LWTP and then they have a “forever” piece. They are content because they have found the best bling for their budget.
Some lucky PSers have quite high LWTPs or a LWTP that just continues to increase over time. These folks can just upgrade and upgrade and upgrade, or try a completely different look every few years. It takes longer to find a forever piece, because with more money comes far more options.
Sometimes folks will unwittingly overshoot their LTWP and then downgrade later (eg. Amethyst and Lemony and I’m sure many others). Other folks will try to undershoot their LWTP but will be unhappy until they end up getting what they want eventually (eg. DreamerD and others).
Phoenix, in your case I think you are a maximalist shopper with an abundant LWTP that allows you to have more than one of each basic piece (e-ring, wedding band, rhr, earrings, necklace, bracelet etc.). So it could take you a while until you figure out exactly what your perfect “forever piece” is.
I hope you find contentment soon!
HopeDream: I wish I was aware of all of this when I first started my colored stone hunt! I would agree with everything you wrote and think that all of these things are equally at play - LWTP and the Illusion of Choice are huge factors. And, btw, I LOVED The Happiness Project!