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Wrong Whiteflash bracelet....now what do I do??? :(

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MonkeyDog

Rough_Rock
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Sep 4, 2007
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Ok, at the risk of sounding like a totally ungrateful brat, I need a bit of help. This Christmas my husband got me a beautiful line bracelet from Whiteflash. The three-prong in WG. The problem is, I wanted the half-bezel and not the three-prong. I know many of you have posted that you got the three-prong, and I''m sure it is beautiful, it''s just not the one I wanted. My husband doesn''t know that I know he got it yet - I found out pretty much by accident. So, what do I do when he gives it to me? Do I just keep the three-prong and maybe see about getting it reset in a couple of years? Or do I make up something to tell him so he won''t feel bad??? Something like "the prongs will catch on my sleeves" (which, I am *sure* they won''t do, lol) and then send it back to exchange for the half-bezel? ::sigh::: IDK....maybe tell him it is a little too small (which it might be since it is 7" and I like bracelets a bit looser and longer?

I mean, it''s not that he picked this out himself...I think he didn''t understand that I really wanted the half-bezel and not the prong-set. I know he didn''t put his heart and soul into searching for this for me, but I don''t want to hurt his feelings either. The thing is, this is a fairly extravagant gift for me and I don''t want him spending this kind of money on something that I''m not 100% happy with. He kind of has a history of missing the mark a bit when trying to buy something big for me so I *really* don''t want to hurt him. I also don''t really want to look down at the four grand on my wrist every day, though, and think "I wish it was the other one."
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What to do???

PS.....Hey, Whiteflash people....can I exchange this without my husband knowing about it, LOL?!?!?!?
 
Do you mean the tennis bracelet? I was trying to look it up, but I''m not sure which one you''re talking about. I''d definitely prefer half-bezel myself.
 
I think you definitely need to exchange it for what you really want. You''re right when you say that for that amount of $, you don''t want to be looking at it in disappointment or saying "i wish..."
That being said, the tricky part is how to do it without hurting your husband''s feelings. If it is a little small, I think that would be the best *excuse* to use, and then send it back for the right size and the right style. Is it possible he would even notice that the new size is a different style from the original? If it were my FI, I doubt he would notice the difference.
 
Hmm, a touchy situation indeed. I think your idea with "the prongs will catch on stuff" is workable since you plan to wear it every day. You may have to create a few snags and rips as proof
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This is the one he got, in four carats:
http://whiteflash.com/golden-wardrobe/Gold_Details.aspx?ItemCode=WF-TBB-133&CategID=3

And this is the one I wanted, in any carat:
http://whiteflash.com/golden-wardrobe/Gold_Details.aspx?ItemCode=WF-TBB-209&CategID=3

Both in white gold.

Thank you for the nice responses! I was afraid I was being too picky! I guess I am going to have to gush over it (which I don't think will be hard to do) and then mention something about "I hope the prongs don't catch on anything." Hmmm....yessss....I could manage a snag or two on something!
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You know BriBee, he may not notice the change in style. I could say it's a little more snug than I thought and then tell him that oh, IDK, they were out of the other style if he does notice? Hmm.

I just *really* don't want him to feel bad about it.
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I know he still might a bit though but I hope not.
 
Would your husband feel bad? I just asked my husband (who NEVER gets me jewelry, so it'd be a huge deal if he purchased a 4 ct. bracelet) and he said he'd be upset if I asked to exchange it.

Maybe you could enjoy it as is for a few years and then have the stones reset in the bezel style?
 
I definitely prefer the half bezel as well. It''s funny you mention saying that they were out of the other style, I was going to suggest that too, but you never know if he might say something like "why don''t you wait for more to come in?" If it were me, because I really don''t think my FI would notice, I would send it back using one of the above excuses mentioned, and then get the half bezel, and if he mentions something then you can come clean and just say that you were browsing the website and decided you liked the look of the half bezel a little better, so you changed it out. Or you could say that someone recommended switching to the other style due to your "snag" issues, or that the other style is more comfortable to wear...?
 
Just be honest. Tell him you prefer the bezel setting. I'm sure he'd rather you love what he spend $4000 on, rather than not liking it. Tell him you love the thought, but you just want a different style. I don't think he'll mind.

I definitely would not be sneaky about it though.

eta: if you want, tell him that a bezel setting is more secure and protects the diamonds more than a prong setting...especially for a bracelet for everyday wear.
 
Date: 12/23/2007 5:41:27 PM
Author: orbaya
Just be honest. Tell him you prefer the bezel setting. I''m sure he''d rather you love what he spend $4000 on, rather than not liking it. Tell him you love the thought, but you just want a different style. I don''t think he''ll mind.

I definitely would not be sneaky about it though.

eta: if you want, tell him that a bezel setting is more secure and protects the diamonds more than a prong setting...especially for a bracelet for everyday wear.
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Ditto.
 
You ungrateful whinny selfish lowlife brat!! Not to mention a sneaky snooping brat! Ha. Ha.
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Just kidding. Look it it has to be said, I happen to be the dedicated speaker. Not sure how I will pull myself out of this one...yet. Maybe if I use alot of these...
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?
I realize what a quandry you are in. All and all, I believe husbands wish is to keep us happy. No matter to what extent. There is scripture that says it is better to live on a corner of the roof top than inside a house shared with a contentious woman. Moral is...keep us happy at all costs, because it is cold on the roof, and a fall can really sting...or you can say that fall is gonna leave a mark!
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His gift is a most generous one and I am sure he wants you to have the exact model you were pinning for. He got the bracelet part right...so it isn't like you really wanted a blender.

I say THRITTO...to honesty. Honesty with a dramatic flair...let me explain:

I would say immediately "HOLY MOLEE!!! I can't believe you spent so much on this bracelet. The carat weight is so much more than I ever could have dreamed of. I want to wear this everyday...I am so worried about these delicate prongs! I wonder if the half bezel set is going to make it much more durable? HOLY COW!! 4 carats! This is unbelievable. Would you be offended if I exchanged it for the tougher more durable one? As I never expected this extravagant of a gift.

I think you hubby is incredible. And it is possible he knows about the roof thing. He may even have it playing in his minds eye when he hears your response!! Yes...Yes the half bezel is fine!! Just as long as you are happy!

What ever you choose to do...you are going to have a great Christmas!! You brat!!
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PS...does your house by chance have a really steep roof top?
 
If you had told him you wanted the half bezel, but you really aren''t happy with the 3-prong, I would just tell him THANK YOU and that maybe you didn''t explain clearly that you aesthetically like the bezels better but in THIS carat size he got you, the bezels are practically better as well. Personally, I wouldn''t feel comfortable making up an excuse... if it wasn''t going to hurt his feelings I would rather honestly tell him my preference and explain the benefit of my preference (protection of the bezels)... the truth with a cherry on top lol.
 
Well, I agree that you should have what you really want, given that you'll have to wear it. I expect that he wants you to be happy with it! I also agree with Door Knob Solitaire's post above; If I was in the situation, I'd sound delighted and excited... then maybe think it over for a while, then (maybe the next day or so) suggest that maybe it could be exchanged ('You know, I was thinking about the setting of that bracelet...' etc). Anyway, when I give my parner any jewelery (or most things, in fact) I always give with the proviso that she can exchange them for anything else if she really wants to. In fact, it annoys me slightly sometimes that I can tell that she really would have liked a slightly different one, and I have to try very hard sometimes to get her to change it rather than live with it through worrying about upsetting me! So basically, I reckon you should change it, but suggest it with sensitivity.

My 2c :)
 
Date: 12/23/2007 5:47:30 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 12/23/2007 5:41:27 PM
Author: orbaya
Just be honest. Tell him you prefer the bezel setting. I''m sure he''d rather you love what he spend $4000 on, rather than not liking it. Tell him you love the thought, but you just want a different style. I don''t think he''ll mind.

I definitely would not be sneaky about it though.

eta: if you want, tell him that a bezel setting is more secure and protects the diamonds more than a prong setting...especially for a bracelet for everyday wear.
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Ditto.
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Thritto, I don''t think you should feel bad. Let him know now because I think you have only something like 7 days to send it back. You should be happy and get what you want; I love the look of the bezel!
 
I agree about being honest- but I think you could be sensitive and totally downplay the change in bracelets - I wouldn''t say that you don''t like the "style" but that you prefer the other type of "setting" as in bezel vs. prong.
Yes- it''s a matter of semantics- but there is something about saying- you got the wrong "style" which to me is the same as saying you have bad taste and bought the wrong bracelet. Vs. saying I prefer this type of "setting" which makes it seem like a technical issue- the bracelets are pretty much the same, it''s just that you prefer the bezel set stones- like it''s a technical thing and I think men get tech talk more.

I look at it this way- hypothetical example: if I bought my husband a flat screen TV and bought an LCD one and not a plasma and he was like- oh I love this flat screen, but I would prefer a plasma over and LCD, I would not be upset by it, because I really don''t know the difference between the 2.
 
Date: 12/23/2007 8:22:46 PM
Author: dtnyc
I agree about being honest- but I think you could be sensitive and totally downplay the change in bracelets - I wouldn''t say that you don''t like the ''style'' but that you prefer the other type of ''setting'' as in bezel vs. prong.

Yes- it''s a matter of semantics- but there is something about saying- you got the wrong ''style'' which to me is the same as saying you have bad taste and bought the wrong bracelet. Vs. saying I prefer this type of ''setting'' which makes it seem like a technical issue- the bracelets are pretty much the same, it''s just that you prefer the bezel set stones- like it''s a technical thing and I think men get tech talk more.

I look at it this way- hypothetical example: if I bought my husband a flat screen TV and bought an LCD one and not a plasma and he was like- oh I love this flat screen, but I would prefer a plasma over and LCD, I would not be upset by it, because I really don''t know the difference between the 2.
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Good idea! I agree with everyone else that you definitely need to exchange it. That''s way too much money for something you''re not totally happy with. I would use the above line or just make up an excuse about it catching. And let us see pics when you get the one you want, please!
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I''m with everyone else here. Besides, I like the look of the bezel more too.
Do share pictures when you get your exchange!
 
I''m definitely in the "be honest" camp, MonkeyDog...but I''m all for sugar-coating it when it comes to getting what you really wanted in the first place. Obviously I don''t know your hubby, but he has made a great effort in getting something for you (in time for christmas, no less) that he thought would make you the happiest wife on the planet. So you are going to have to play that role, gush, cry, love, love, love it, and then turn it into WF''s fault that they even make a bracelet that could possibly catch on your sweater sleeves. (Sorry WhiteFlash, but you''re going to have to be the bad guy here so hubby can save face and keep MonkeyDog''s marriage a happy one!)
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So....the day after you receive this 3-prong bracelet, make sure to wear a sweater with some sort of open weave that might catch on the prongs. Whether you have to pull a thread yourself to show him, or just show him how the prongs and the sweater could potentially not be a good match, or whatever, let him know gently that you know there''s a half-bezel style that would allow you to wear the bracelet without worry no matter what your choice of apparel is. Tell him again how much you love it and how happy he''s made you, and just ask him would it be a huge problem or would he take it the wrong way if you exchanged it for the half-bezel set bracelet? Maybe he doesn''t need to know about the length...I would stick with one issue (that being the setting of the stones) and deal with the length on your own if possible.

I just have to say also that although it seems like the initial process of getting the "right" bracelet will be difficult, it''s better to do it now than wait and try to get what you originally wanted later. When my DH proposed with a plain 2.5mm diamond solitaire, I wasn''t 100% happy with the setting but I didn''t want to hurt his feelings since it was a total surprise. Shortly after we were married, I mentioned one night (after a few cocktails) that I would like to have my diamond reset into a different solitaire because I didn''t like the way the head was set in the shank, and my DH said "why didn''t you ever tell me that? I feel like I could''ve done better...." etc. I hurt his feelings even more by NOT telling him from the start and just keeping it to myself that I didn''t completely love my e-ring setting. We''ve been married for over 4 years now and I still have not had my diamond reset, when I could''ve just bit the bullet and taken care of it from the beginning. Looking back, I think I should''ve told my DH how much I loved the ring and blamed it on the jeweler for not reading my mind (LOL) and making it perfectly the way I wanted it, and gotten it reset before we even got married.

Sugar, sugar, sugar...my grandmother always said you catch more flies with honey....a truer statement there never was. Good luck MonkeyDog, I''m sure you''ll be able to iron out the situation and get your half-bezel set bracelet soon. Can''t wait to see pics! Merry Christmas!!!
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Date: 12/23/2007 8:22:46 PM
Author: dtnyc
I agree about being honest- but I think you could be sensitive and totally downplay the change in bracelets - I wouldn''t say that you don''t like the ''style'' but that you prefer the other type of ''setting'' as in bezel vs. prong.
Yes- it''s a matter of semantics- but there is something about saying- you got the wrong ''style'' which to me is the same as saying you have bad taste and bought the wrong bracelet. Vs. saying I prefer this type of ''setting'' which makes it seem like a technical issue- the bracelets are pretty much the same, it''s just that you prefer the bezel set stones- like it''s a technical thing and I think men get tech talk more.

I look at it this way- hypothetical example: if I bought my husband a flat screen TV and bought an LCD one and not a plasma and he was like- oh I love this flat screen, but I would prefer a plasma over and LCD, I would not be upset by it, because I really don''t know the difference between the 2.
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I agree with this approach and also with Monarch''s wise words. Playing off the setting as a technical detail (but one that matters to you) is a way that you can be honest, spare his feelings, and get the bracelet you want all at the same time. :)
 
Couldn't have said it better myself if I tried, Monarch!

In the long run, I do think your DH would prefer having been told. I made the same mistake once, and vowed to myself that I would always try to tell him (in a very subtle manner, of course!) as he would want me to be 100% over the moon with what he gives me anyway.

Good luck....
 
Monnie''s idea is great but it also depends on your husband. My husband would prefer the direct, honest approach and would probably see right through my attempts to find a problem with the bracelet and ask me what was really wrong. Go with your gut feelings of what to do and when to tell or ask him. Good luck.
 
Eagerly awaiting an update...how did it go? §
 
Hello MonkeyDog,

Wow what a wondeful gift.

Plant a whopping big kissy on your man for that one!

I am all for honesty but I have learned a lot about my husband in the time we have been together (almost our 10th year). If this were my dilema, I would thank DH most heartily and it would be genuine. The next day or two, I would voice my concerns that the bezel setting looks more secure and how I was going to swap them out at whiteflash. Just mention it in passing, no big whoop de doo. If he raised any concerns I would say I thought I prefered the bezel set and how it has more secure and as it was in the 10 days I was going to swap.

Both bracelets are pretty, but I too prefer the bezel.

What do you think you will do?
 
I agree re: being honest but doing it in a kind way, but like marcy posted, my husband would see through any attempts to cover it up as well. So I have no choice to be honest and say that the thought is a lovely idea but that the wrong one was chosen or something. It is a sticky situation though because you don't want him to not want to buy anything for you in the future anymore. I don't think you should fake liking it or have WF exchange it on the sly. Not quite sure though how you would go about it. Is there any chance you can say that you saw the conf email or something and that you weren't sure he got the right one.
 
I'm with Monarch and Mara...be sweet but be honest. All you have to do is GUSH GUSH GUSH about it, then say "I absolutely love it, but I've heard that bezel settings are much more secure and I am such a klutz I'm worried about it. Would you mind if I exchanged it for the bezel one?"

That way you're not lying about it, because the bezel one IS more secure, and as long as you gush enough your hubby will be proud that he did well and look at it as a technicality...

At least that is what works with my DH!
 
please be honest...alot of money and time has been invested on this gift so make sure it will be worn and enjoyed for a long time!Commlement him on his desire to pick a gift that will make you happy for a long time and let him know you want to wear it often but you think it best to get the same style bracelet, but with differant prong work so it wont snag your clothing...good luck and happy holidays!
 
After being married a very, very long time, I have finally made my husband understand that he is NOT to buy me any jewelry unless it is on my pre-approved wish list. That way I avoid this scenario fairly successfully. Our anniversary is actually tomorrow, and he is very concerned that I haven''t picked out anything, but I truly would rather have nothing that something that will sit in a dark jewelry box and never worn. It would be crazy to pay to have those stones reset, so I would absolutely exchange it now. I think I would approach it from the wanting it a 1/4 inch longer first, and then add, "You know, I really think I''d like to see their bezel setting as long as I have to send this one back anyway." Good luck!
 
Thank you all soooo much for the comments and advice. :)

Ok...the run down. He gave it to me on Christmas Eve before we made the rounds. And, truly, it is spectacular. Anyone wanting a bracelet like this should put Whiteflash at the top of their list! It didn''t take a bit of work to gush over that bracelet, let me tell you! I went with the "this isn''t the two carat one, is it??? It is *huge*!!! Extravagant!!! Spectacular!!! (All of which were true!) Then as the evening went on I worked in about the prongs. Hmm...A few of these feel rough, don''t they? (They didn''t.) Oops! Did that catch on something??? (Well, no it didn''t, lol, but he didn''t know that.)
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Annnywaaaay....we talked about it a few times and he told me that the reason he got the three-prong is because WF couldn''t gaurantee delivery by Christmas for the half-bezel bracelet, lol! Perhaps it was out of stock at WF? Sooo, whether true or whether he was telling a little white Christmas lie to save face, IDK, but I don''t care either, lol. The bottom line is that he wants me to get the one "that won''t catch on anything" and that "I won''t lose a diamond out of." I think it also helps that he hadn''t invested a lot of energy and emotion into picking this out for me - he knew what I wanted and where to get it from - so he wasn''t crushed that I might want to change it.

I also pointed out to him that he actually gets to give me *two* killer bracelets this Christmas...ok, one is going back, but he still gets the joy of giving twice and I still get the thrill of opening up a new one all over again! Yaaay!!!
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Thank you all again for taking the time to respond and for offering such great advice!
 
I love a story with a happy ending. We''ll be anxious to see pictures of your new bracelet when you get it.
 
Yay!!
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Please post pics when you get the permanent one!
 
MD,
It''s great that the conversation went very well and that you are getting exactly what you want and hubby feels like he did great in getting you what you love. A win-win all around with a happy ending.
 
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