Who was involved in the selection and purchase of your Engagement Ring?

[Scandinavian]

Another car proposal, but no ring . My DH had started to look at houses, and just said that he thought I might want to move in with him, as a g/f or wife, whatever I wanted. Who says romance is dead! 39 years for us.

OMG kind of sweet, sounds like he was so scared that you might say "no"

 

[cmd2014]

We shopped together, and talked a lot about what we liked/didn't like, both in terms of the setting and in terms of diamond qualities. I tried on a lot of rings and realized that simple just looked better on me, and we both came to a strong preference on the setting. He went back on his own to make the final purchase because I didn't want to influence how much he felt comfortable spending on the diamond. I knew he would overspend to make me happy so I was careful to let him know where I thought a reasonable maximum budget was (which was about half of what his friends were spending) so he would know I didn't expect the kind of diamond that would cost more than he could comfortably spend, but ultimately said that he should make the final decision about what he was comfortable with. I love my ring. It's classic and has held up beautifully over time (it's a cathedral platinum solitaire with sides that taper into the stone).

 

[partgypsy]

The actual proposal was us lying in bed in the morning and him rolling over and saying, so do you wanna get married? I'm not complaining, we had been "living in sin" for 5 years before that. We knew we wanted to be together, just weren't sure if we were officially going to get married. At first I didn't want to get married, and then he didn't feel it was necessary, so it was a little bit of a surprise.
He didn't necessarily see the need for an engagement ring because we were going to elope, but I insisted. We picked it out together.

 

[partgypsy]

Another car proposal, but no ring . My DH had started to look at houses, and just said that he thought I might want to move in with him, as a g/f or wife, whatever I wanted. Who says romance is dead! 39 years for us.

I actually think that is sweet!

 

[missy]

Another car proposal, but no ring . My DH had started to look at houses, and just said that he thought I might want to move in with him, as a g/f or wife, whatever I wanted. Who says romance is dead! 39 years for us.

That's similar to the way my dad proposed to my mom. In the car while they were driving over the Brooklyn Bridge (and no ring) and their marriage is one of the best I have ever seen. 54 years later still happily married. Hmmm maybe those car proposals are magical...

And they had only been dating 3 weeks when he proposed and married 6 months from their first date. I guess some people just know faster than others (since it took me 5 years from our first date lol).

 

[Austina]

My DH said the moment he saw me he knew he wanted to marry me I, on the other hand took longer to realise he was the one - a whole 3 weeks He asked me to marry him (in his roundabout way) 3 months after our first date, and we got married 4 months later. I suppose when you know, you know. Surprising really, because I had no intention of getting married, ever, and ended up being married at 19

 

[Akalahab]

When my SO started asking me about settings and showing me photos of ones he liked, I had to take over. He and I have completely different asthetics - if he had picked it out, I'd have ended up with a chunky channel set ring. Plus, he works sometimes 70 hrs a week so not a lot of time to research things...we'd probably still be looking for one now if I left it to him. Also, he would have walked into a store and spent thousands more for the convenience. I would have been sad to see my violin fund (great ones can cost more than 4 carat diamonds) allotted to a ring, so I set a limit of 2k (we went a little over that).

 

[girlyglam]

When we started seriously talking about marriage and engagement rings, DH mentioned that he planned to get me a natural alexandrite because he knew I always wanted one. That was about as much input he had on the ring.

I'm the researcher in the partnership. I love love love researching things, and when making purchases, I love cross-checking and making sure we're getting the best deal possible. When he said he wanted to get me a natural alex, I was all on board, but I also knew how easy it is to be duped by alex, so my research-inclined self took over. It initially just started in researching alex and finding reputable sellers so when the time came, he knew who to trust. But, then I started identifying the stones I liked and showing them to him, and he told me to just pick out the one I liked best and order it. I already had a pretty good idea of what kind of setting I wanted, so I just kept going with the process from there. Basically, I picked out the stone and designed the setting, within his budget, and he paid for it. I did check in with him every step of the way, but he knows how I am and trusts me, so he knew that whatever I was doing was allowing us to get the best bang for the buck AND that we weren't being duped into buying a synthetic or overpaying for the quality we were receiving, etc. He also liked that I would be getting exactly what I want. I do think that there was a tiny part of him that felt like it should have been a surprise or that he should have been the one to make the decisions. But on the other hand, he knows that I love this stuff and he does not, so overall, he was fine with me taking the reigns.

The proposal itself was a complete surprise. I knew he got the ring in late June since I had been the one communicating the with jeweler, and thus, I knew when it was sent out. I had an idea of when I thought he might do it, but that day came and went. Then weeks went by with no proposal, which turned into months, and I because convinced he was waiting until Thanksgiving or Christmas. He actually did it on a random Wednesday in September and completely caught me off guard. I learned later that he had tried to propose 2-3 times before he actually did, but I inadvertently ended up ruining it every time. (My words, not his!)

 

[doberman]

My husband proposed on a ski weekend without a ring after 6 months of dating. He was too nervous to spend a substantial amount of money on something I might not like. We went the following week to Kwiat in NYC with his sister. I knew nothing about diamonds. When asked by the sales assistant what kind I wanted, I drew a blank "Uh..round?" The SA started small and kept bringing out progressively larger stones until my husband piped up "I think that's big enough" lol. He still says the parking cost in NYC scared him more than the ring price.

Ah, good times, 1985.

 

[LadyMCh]

I'm in the "I gave him ideas, he did the rest." camp.
I wish we would have picked out a ring together, but we were living half the U.S. apart at the time, so that would have been more difficult. We've been married less than 10 years, and, in that time, my engagement stone went through 2 ring resets. After getting a whole new wedding set last year when I inherited a family stone, it's now set in an earring (we bought a match for it). The new set it quite large, so most of the time, I just wear my 5 stone anniversary band on my left hand. If I wear the new set, the 5 stone moves to my right hand. I don't even remember the last time I wore my original wedding band, a plain white gold knife-edge band. Sometimes I wear it for travel abroad or to the beach/pool. I had initially wanted a 5 stone 2cttw band as my engagement ring, but we had a lot of friends getting engaged and, I think, DH didn't think that was traditional enough compared to what his friends were picking. He promised I would get one for our 5th anniversary and kept that promise!
Humorously, the 5 stone 2cttw band as an e-ring would have been cheaper than the e-ring he bought me and, unlike my original e-ring, would be something I'm still wearing. I'm not sore about it though, as it worked out that I know have a large, blingy pair of studs!
I do 100% believe that couples should pick out/shop for e-rings together as it is something that, typically, you are intended to wear for the rest. of. your. LIFE. That is a BIG commitment to a piece of jewelry. Most men don't seem to "get" that or just how much attention it will receive during a woman's lifetime. Still now, all these years later, I get asked about my jewelry pretty regularly by other women. If you're going to be expected to wear it, love it, talk about, receive attention for it, etc. for the rest of your life, shouldn't you REALLY LOVE IT?! I have seen so many men claim they know their woman's taste and buy them a ring they're convinced they would like only to hear their finance/wife later discuss in private how it's not what she would've picked/is disappointed with it!

 

[Matthews1127]

I'm in the "I gave him ideas, he did the rest." camp.
I wish we would have picked out a ring together, but we were living half the U.S. apart at the time, so that would have been more difficult. We've been married less than 10 years, and, in that time, my engagement stone went through 2 ring resets. After getting a whole new wedding set last year when I inherited a family stone, it's now set in an earring (we bought a match for it). The new set it quite large, so most of the time, I just wear my 5 stone anniversary band on my left hand. If I wear the new set, the 5 stone moves to my right hand. I don't even remember the last time I wore my original wedding band, a plain white gold knife-edge band. Sometimes I wear it for travel abroad or to the beach/pool. I had initially wanted a 5 stone 2cttw band as my engagement ring, but we had a lot of friends getting engaged and, I think, DH didn't think that was traditional enough compared to what his friends were picking. He promised I would get one for our 5th anniversary and kept that promise!
Humorously, the 5 stone 2cttw band as an e-ring would have been cheaper than the e-ring he bought me and, unlike my original e-ring, would be something I'm still wearing. I'm not sore about it though, as it worked out that I know have a large, blingy pair of studs!
I do 100% believe that couples should pick out/shop for e-rings together as it is something that, typically, you are intended to wear for the rest. of. your. LIFE. That is a BIG commitment to a piece of jewelry. Most men don't seem to "get" that or just how much attention it will receive during a woman's lifetime. Still now, all these years later, I get asked about my jewelry pretty regularly by other women. If you're going to be expected to wear it, love it, talk about, receive attention for it, etc. for the rest of your life, shouldn't you REALLY LOVE IT?! I have seen so many men claim they know their woman's taste and buy them a ring they're convinced they would like only to hear their finance/wife later discuss in private how it's not what she would've picked/is disappointed with it!

I agree with you, LadyMCh!
At least, to some degree. I believe the element of surprise is the ultimate excitement, other than the proposal, itself. However, as you pointed out, this piece of jewelry is something that is worn FOREVER. I was instrumental in my DH's choice, but I tried to give him space to purchase what he was comfortable with. He had never purchased any GOOD jewelry before meeting me, so he was completely blind. His first wife did it all for him...he never even had the opportunity to propose. I wanted to stay as far removed from his process as possible, because of his past experience, but when he asked me for help, I didn't hesitate to step in. He wanted to get me my heart's desire; we both wanted it to be my favorite piece of jewelry I have ever worn, and we both wanted to be beaming with pride, every single day it was on my hand.
I dream BIG...but I'm practical. We started out with a blended family of 8 (2 adults & 6 children). A 5ct honker (unfortunately) just wasn't going to happen! He knew the only Cut for me was an EC. The question was the size. That's when he enlisted my help in researching EC's at a price he/we could afford. We didn't want debt, so using a credit card was not an option. This was a cash only transaction. We hunted, together, for the "right" EC for me. I left a trail of bread crumbs for him, pertaining to settings, and he hit the jackpot!
It was a couple effort, so to speak, and a successful one. I LOVE my rings, and I am proud EVERY SINGLE DAY to wear them on my hand.
I love her so much, that an "upgrade" is not an option. I honestly cannot imagine life without her. However, she loves having friends...and she wants MORE friends...lol! So, for now, she has company with my WR. There is a delicate anniversary present coming (I hope) in November (I have seen a black box I didn't purchase). I just began the sourcing process for diamonds I intend to use to create a bespoke Anniversary Band that represents our blended family to join my ER and WR...so she will soon have more company!
I recently fell in love with chunky faceted Antique Cushions. I would love to have a fat, chunky, and heavy AVC on my right hand...
Ring goals *sigh*....

 

[t-c]

I selected the setting (it needed to fill some practical considerations because I was in and out of gloves at work). He picked the diamond.

 

[737liz]

I had no idea he was going to propose. He had heard me talking to a recently engaged friend about how a low set ring is practical, that I love platinum, and wasn't keen on the institution of marriage. Armed with all that info, he took it upon himself to buy a ring with those parameters-blithely ignoring my comments about marriage.

He got me drunk on lunchtime champagne, and when I was taking a post prandial nap, woke me up with the ring about an inch from my eye, waving it back and forth, saying 'try it on'. In my bleary confused state I tried it on...which he took to mean 'yes'. He was so happy and proud I didn't have the heart to tell him I absolutely hated the ring. Even after a rework, I still hate it, years later.

Someday he'll upgrade me. But alas, he is reluctant to break into the tower of London, steal the crown jewels, and go to jail for the rest of his life for some lumps of carbon . So we're working on a plan B.

I think the perfect balance is the 'proposer' find out what shape the 'proposee' wants, if color or clarity or size is Important, and then to propose with only the stone in a temporary cheap setting. Maybe a good online seller with a Good return policy. Or a temporary inexpensive ring.

But everybody is different. Some people love whatever is chosen for them. I'm not sentimental enough for that; if I have to see it every day, it better be aesthetically pleasing. I feel guilty on the days when I swap my engagement ring out for a 'better' ring... but do it all the time.

My disappointment with my engagement ring actually spurred me to get back into gemstones after a 10 year hiatus. (I had reservations about the ethics of mining in developing countries... long story short; I changed my mind.)

 

[Matata]

He paid for it. I sourced the stone and worked with a jeweler on a custom setting.

 

[pearaffair]

I love these stories!

When DH and I decided to get married one day, he asked if I wanted to be surprised by the ring or pick it together. I told him that he could pick it but that I would send him some ideas.

100+ emails of ring ideas later , he requested a top 5 list (he was so sick of ring emails!). I Obliged.

Then we ended up picking together because he was nervous about choosing one I would like. We also spent only $175 (silver and labradorite) because he had $80k in student loans owing.

Now we are debt free and I picked a beautiful pavé band for our third year anniversary! I will post pics once I have it

DH and I were making so many major life decisions together, that it felt natural to choose the ring together too

 

[FinleysMom]

AFTER the proposal....I told him that I wanted a solitaire pear...with a smaller round on each side. Well...I recieved a beautiful 1 ct. solitaire pear on a slim band (love it!). I was shocked thar the solitaire was a carat! MY usually frugal guy surpised himself too! He bought it online in 2002. I added my trillian ring wrap on our tenth anny. He was concerned that i had compromised the original set. (Plain slim wedding band soldered to the ERing. ). Nope..I was not going to do that because i know that he is sentimental. I enjoy my added bling when not with him. Or if we are going someplace dressy.

FinleysMom

 

[Matthews1127]

AFTER the proposal....I told him that I wanted a solitaire pear...with a smaller round on each side. Well...I recieved a beautiful 1 ct. solitaire pear on a slim band (love it!). I was shocked thar the solitaire was a carat! MY usually frugal guy surpised himself too! He bought it online in 2002. I added my trillian ring wrap on our tenth anny. He was concerned that i had compromised the original set. (Plain slim wedding band soldered to the ERing. ). Nope..I was not going to do that because i know that he is sentimental. I enjoy my added bling when not with him. Or if we are going someplace dressy.

FinleysMom

Beautiful! Do you have any photos? The soli, and the wrap sound stunning!!!

 

[FinleysMom]

Here ya go! Knuckles are soooo attractive! Lol!

 

[Matthews1127]

Here ya go! Knuckles are soooo attractive! Lol!

That is soooo beautiful!! Love them together, and on its own!! Thank you for sharing!!!

 

[FinleysMom]

Thank you! I love it and I enjoy the reactions to it.

The first jeweler I approached told me that he would not make it for me because it would not look good. He was in his early 80's...a fixture in the community. A couple of years later he closed the biz and soon after he passed away. I was sad for him.

 

[Matthews1127]

Thank you! I love it and I enjoy the reactions to it.

The first jeweler I approached told me that he would not make it for me because it would not look good. He was in his early 80's...a fixture in the community. A couple of years later he closed the biz and soon after he passed away. I was sad for him.

That is terribly sad. So happy you found someone willing to create that wrap for you!! It’s so beautiful!

 

[december-fire]

Another no-ring'er here.

As an aside, I don't scare easily, but the thought of a guy surprising me with a ring is frightening!

 

[LJsapphire]

I dropped hints, we started looking in shop windows. I told him that I'd prefer a CS because my first ER was a diamond solitaire and I wanted something completely different. We had already looked at pre-loved rings and he'd started looking at antique/vintage auctions as well. I was pinning potential rings on Pinterest and showing him when I came across something I liked, so he had a idea of what I would love.

His Mum was visiting from the North of England and we were going to go to Stratford-upon-Avon, we ended up going to Worcester and had a wander to the cathedral. Right next to the cathedral is a lovely antique shop and I saw some beautiful rings in the window.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/25/8d/5e/258d5eee575f8b2f4115f58ee10688cf.jpg - is a pic of the ring in the window I didn't think I was going to get it.
I went in and cooed at it, tried it on and he said it was a bit out of his budget .

3 weeks later he popped the question with breakfast in bed and the ring in my tea mug (it was one of those that's like a travel mug with a lid on, but made of ceramic). I picked up the mug and it felt light - I was like "there's no tea in this!?!" and my ring was in there attached to a piece of paper he had written a poem on.

 

[KristyDarling]

After we had some discussions about getting engaged, we selected the diamond together and had it put in a temporary solitaire setting. Then he proposed officially (without the ring). We picked up the ring shortly after that. Then I went to the jewelers' district with a close girlfriend, and she spotted a lovely little Tacori setting, which I ordered and had my diamond set in it.

I guess my ring process was a multi-step group effort and not particularly romantic, but it worked for us!

 

[LJsapphire]

Oh I forgot to add to mine, I was impatient (after 5 and a bit years together) and proposed to him on February 29th. He wasn’t happy that I did it before him. I bought him a silly ring, it’s a silver Lego brick ring handmade by a man in Scotland. My FI won’t wear it though - he’s not sure he’ll wear a wedding ring yet.

 

[Matthews1127]

I dropped hints, we started looking in shop windows. I told him that I'd prefer a CS because my first ER was a diamond solitaire and I wanted something completely different. We had already looked at pre-loved rings and he'd started looking at antique/vintage auctions as well. I was pinning potential rings on Pinterest and showing him when I came across something I liked, so he had a idea of what I would love.

His Mum was visiting from the North of England and we were going to go to Stratford-upon-Avon, we ended up going to Worcester and had a wander to the cathedral. Right next to the cathedral is a lovely antique shop and I saw some beautiful rings in the window.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/25/8d/5e/258d5eee575f8b2f4115f58ee10688cf.jpg - is a pic of the ring in the window I didn't think I was going to get it.
I went in and cooed at it, tried it on and he said it was a bit out of his budget .

3 weeks later he popped the question with breakfast in bed and the ring in my tea mug (it was one of those that's like a travel mug with a lid on, but made of ceramic). I picked up the mug and it felt light - I was like "there's no tea in this!?!" and my ring was in there attached to a piece of paper he had written a poem on.

Beautiful ring & such a sweet, sentimental story!!! Thank you for sharing!!!

 

[arkieb1]

My mother in law (who I completely have different taste too) sourced and gave him a ruby and he designed the ring which is a 3 stone with two diamond pears as sides. I've never particularly liked the centre ruby as it is too dark for my taste and the style of ring isn't my taste either. I've had a number of upgrades since then all of which I have bought myself.

He also bought me a car once without asking which is wonderful in theory except again I hated it. It's not that I don't like surprises, or that I'm ungrateful, it's simply we actually have polar opposite tastes and I go with the theory when you are spending a decent chunk of money on something it should be something the other person at least likes. We are polar opposites generally as well. So now he has given up and doesn't buy me anything.

 

[Matthews1127]

My mother in law (who I completely have different taste too) sourced and gave him a ruby and he designed the ring which is a 3 stone with two diamond pears as sides. I've never particularly liked the centre ruby as it is too dark for my taste and the style of ring isn't my taste either. I've had a number of upgrades since then all of which I have bought myself.

He also bought me a car once without asking which is wonderful in theory except again I hated it. It's not that I don't like surprises, or that I'm ungrateful, it's simply we actually have polar opposite tastes and I go with the theory when you are spending a decent chunk of money on something it should be something the other person at least likes. We are polar opposites generally as well. So now he has given up and doesn't buy me anything.

 

[arkieb1]

This is why over on RT you frequently see me asking aggressively independent guys have you asked her friends, are you sure that is what she would like. Men who assume they know their partners tastes without actually bothering to find out what they are, are setting themselves up to fail. And those that are too arrogant to care - the crying icon doesn't even begin to cover it.

Surprises are fine as long as they are good surprises, not bad ones.

 

[Matthews1127]

This is why over on RT you frequently see me asking aggressively independent guys have you asked her friends, are you sure that is what she would like. Men who assume they know their partners tastes without actually bothering to find out what they are, are setting themselves up to fail. And those that are too arrogant to care - the crying icon doesn't even begin to cover it.

Surprises are fine as long as they are good surprises, not bad ones.

I couldn’t agree more!!!