What would PSer do? Don''t want JTV colored stone e-ring offer...

[velogrrrrl]

oops. here''s the picture

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/21/2008 10:12:15 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 10/21/2008 8:04:52 PM
Author: l0v3lif3

I just decided to make my own piece of jewelry. Probably not a ring, becasue it would be a little passive-aggressive. But I can pick out a pretty stone and set it in a pendent. I''ll just end up checking myself out in the mirror instead of looking at my hand.

l0v3, I''m so sorry. Is there any way you can negotiate with him? An engagement ring is an important piece of jewelry (the second most important piece you can receive!), and it should be something YOU should love.

The spinel is not going to be the biggest cost...a nice, well-cut spinel can be pretty affordable, many under $200. The setting is going to be the majority of the cost, which you''re going to have to purchase anyway.

I hope he changes his mind.

Oh, no, she has settings too. I feel like I''m giving him so many affordable options. I''m not insisting on/expecting a diamond. Even though I love the Vatche settings, I''d be totally happy with a 200 dollar stone in a 300 dollar T+Co style prong setting.

I really don''t think I''m asking for a lot here. For something I''m going to be wearing everyday for the next 6 months or so, for 5-600 dollars he should be all over it. Seriously, my BFF''s e-ring was 10 grand.

I even told him a super plain white gold 2-3 mm band would be fine with me. The more I think about it the more this bothers me.

 

[decodelighted]

Its about respect. Its about listening to your wishes too. Maybe you can explain it that way. It sounds like he''s trying to please his mom at your expense. This sets the tone for your LIFE. Will he always put your desires 2nd?

It *is* bothering you & I would talk it out in a non-confrontational way. "Maybe it seems silly or wasteful to you but ..."

If your father had a large shopping channel watch collection -- would he want to wear one everyday? A collection of beat-up cars? Would he want to drive one everyday, just because its frugal?

 

[l0v3lif3]

^^ ahaha. He doesn''t normally do stuff like this. I don''t know why it''s so important to him. He really doesn''t think the stones are low quality. He says other stones look better b/c they have better lighting.

$%&*&!!!

 

[velogrrrrl]

wow. what a tough spot you are in. it''s too bad that this should be a reallly happy and exciting event... and it seems like you are just going through the motions. if you are not going to love wearing this ring, then why bother? skip it and get yourself what you want later on.

however, it does sound like a warning bell is ringing.... isn''t your happiness worth $600 to him? it doesn''t sound like you are being materialistic or greedy. you just want something special that is uniquely selected to suit your tastes.

 

[Kelli]

I agree that you are not asking for a lot. Does he know how much thought goes into a girl''s engagement ring, or what people usually spend? It doesn''t matter EVEN IF your MIL had great stones, it shouldn''t be a gift from her anyway. It should be something form him, or something you two pick out together. I hope he can understand why it is so important to you. $500-$600 is really not asking too much, and you should be loving this process.

 

[E B]

Date: 10/22/2008 3:02:53 PM
Author: decodelighted

It *is* bothering you & I would talk it out in a non-confrontational way. 'Maybe it seems silly or wasteful to you but ...'

I agree with Deco. Let him know that it's important to you to pick what you're going to love, not what looks the best from Mom's bin of JTV jewels. And if he's afraid of the cost, let him know you'll stick to the budget- you won't go over $_____, and you're hoping to come in under!

He's going to want to choose his wedding band, right? What if your Dad had some gold rings that he used to wear in college, and your FF was free to choose from those? I bet he wouldn't be too thrilled with that idea.

It doesn't have to be a battle, just a calm, rational discussion. You can always choose one of FMIL's blue stones to wear as your "something blue" on your wedding day.

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/22/2008 3:29:15 PM
Author: velogrrrrl

wow. what a tough spot you are in. it''s too bad that this should be a reallly happy and exciting event... and it seems like you are just going through the motions. if you are not going to love wearing this ring, then why bother? skip it and get yourself what you want later on.

however, it does sound like a warning bell is ringing.... isn''t your happiness worth $600 to him? it doesn''t sound like you are being materialistic or greedy. you just want something special that is uniquely selected to suit your tastes.

I know. It''s souring me on the whole process. I''m not exactly in the mood to plan a wedding after all of this either. I should be stoked and I just want to get it over with.

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/22/2008 3:39:11 PM
Author: Kelli
I agree that you are not asking for a lot. Does he know how much thought goes into a girl''s engagement ring, or what people usually spend? It doesn''t matter EVEN IF your MIL had great stones, it shouldn''t be a gift from her anyway. It should be something form him, or something you two pick out together. I hope he can understand why it is so important to you. $500-$600 is really not asking too much, and you should be loving this process.

I think at 500 dollars he''s getting off really easily.
I asked my mom if she had anything we could use. She has a ruby, it was my grandmother''s. It would need to be repolished. Then I could say that stone is important to me b/c it is an heirloom, etc.

But my mom shouldn''t be financing the e-ring either for crying out loud. If it were just about money, I''d buy it myself.

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/22/2008 3:45:31 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 10/22/2008 3:02:53 PM
Author: decodelighted

It *is* bothering you & I would talk it out in a non-confrontational way. ''Maybe it seems silly or wasteful to you but ...''

I agree with Deco. Let him know that it''s important to you to pick what you''re going to love, not what looks the best from Mom''s bin of JTV jewels. And if he''s afraid of the cost, let him know you''ll stick to the budget- you won''t go over $_____, and you''re hoping to come in under!

He''s going to want to choose his wedding band, right? What if your Dad had some gold rings that he used to wear in college, and your FF was free to choose from those? I bet he wouldn''t be too thrilled with that idea.

It doesn''t have to be a battle, just a calm, rational discussion. You can always choose one of FMIL''s blue stones to wear as your ''something blue'' on your wedding day.

What really frosts my cookies is he like this two-tone designer band that costs over a grand. I''d have to get it on layaway, but I''m willing to save up for it if it''s really what he wants.

Maybe I can grab Dad''s old rings and say, "pick anything you want."

It''s funny you mentioned something blue, I was thinking of blue zircon earings. People won''t be looking at those up close, so it doesn''t have to even be eye clean.

 

[Kismet]

Date: 10/22/2008 3:13:32 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
^^ ahaha. He doesn''t normally do stuff like this. I don''t know why it''s so important to him. He really doesn''t think the stones are low quality. He says other stones look better b/c they have better lighting.


$%&*&!!!

If he doesn''t think the stones are low quality then bring a few of the best looking of them to an appraiser and see what an independent 3rd party has to say about them.

What kind of stones are we talking about here anyway? If they''re something like Tanzanite you could say that a stone that soft just won''t hold up to everyday wear.

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/22/2008 4:13:31 PM
Author: Kismet

Date: 10/22/2008 3:13:32 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
^^ ahaha. He doesn''t normally do stuff like this. I don''t know why it''s so important to him. He really doesn''t think the stones are low quality. He says other stones look better b/c they have better lighting.


$%&*&!!!

If he doesn''t think the stones are low quality then bring a few of the best looking of them to an appraiser and see what an independent 3rd party has to say about them.

What kind of stones are we talking about here anyway? If they''re something like Tanzanite you could say that a stone that soft just won''t hold up to everyday wear.

She has just about everything. I know very little about stones and I can see how badly most of the are cut, or the color is poor.
Or milky/included. I''d have to weed though thousands of stones to find an acceptable one, and even that wouldn''t be as good as what I''ve seen online.
I know I''ll be embarrassed to wear it.

 

[l0v3lif3]

The settings are awful too, from what I''ve seen. They look like they came out of vending machines.

 

[l0v3lif3]

I just talked to him. He says he just wants me to look at her stones. If I don''t find one that suits me, we can get a different one. He doesn''t care if we use a JTV setting or not.

 

[E B]

l0v3, what are your favorite colors? Maybe if you find you THE gem, you can show him you''ve fallen in love with it, and it can go in _______ setting, and together it only costs $_________. Perhaps that way he''ll be a bit more open since it''s a ring you''ve fallen in love with, not just the idea of searching for it. Does that make sense?

 

[E B]

Date: 10/22/2008 4:28:39 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
I just talked to him. He says he just wants me to look at her stones. If I don''t find one that suits me, we can get a different one. He doesn''t care if we use a JTV setting or not.

Oops! I was replying before I saw your update.

Well, that''s good news! Though I still think that puts a lot of pressure on you. Do you think MIL will be upset if you don''t find one you like?

 

[l0v3lif3]

^^Ebree, I think spinel is the best choice for a ring, since it''s fairly hard. I''m thinking of asking Dan Stair to cut something for me.
Red, pink, and blue are my faves.

I like green and orange garnets, too.

 

[l0v3lif3]

Date: 10/22/2008 4:33:06 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 10/22/2008 4:28:39 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
I just talked to him. He says he just wants me to look at her stones. If I don''t find one that suits me, we can get a different one. He doesn''t care if we use a JTV setting or not.

Oops! I was replying before I saw your update.

Well, that''s good news! Though I still think that puts a lot of pressure on you. Do you think MIL will be upset if you don''t find one you like?

Maybe, but that''s just too bad. She doesn''t have to wear it. I feel so bad with all this griping, she''s lovely. We just have different tastes.

 

[E B]

Date: 10/22/2008 4:36:30 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
^^Ebree, I think spinel is the best choice for a ring, since it''s fairly hard. I''m thinking of asking Dan Stair to cut something for me.

Excellent choice! That way, you''ll get exactly what you want. Plus, he''s very nice and has always replied to me within 48 hours.

Good luck, and keep us updated on what you decide to do!

 

[FrekeChild]

Since I just finished reading through this thread and all...
I have a couple of questions:

Do you know how they are kept? In gem boxes or just in a big pile?
Has she done anything with them, like setting or wearing?

I''d look through her stones, and see if any are of decent enough quality or a big enough size that they can be recut. Dan is not really into recuts, and might do one as a last resort (at least it was like that for my stone(s)). I think I''d really try to stay away from her stones as much as possible, and unless one speaks to you, start looking elsewhere.

Also, I''d buy a 10x loupe, and use that to look at her stones-because if your BF can also look through the loupe and see whats inside of the stones, he might start thinking along the lines of getting a stone elsewhere.

I have two stones that are my potential engagement ring stones-one from Dan Stair, and one from Barry Bridgestock. It''s up to FF which one he picks. We''re on a budget too--preferably under $1k, but FF has loosened the purse strings to $2k--and both of my stones were under $200 each.

I can''t tell you how lovely Dan is. He answers all of my silly questions I have about cutting stones, and he''s responded to all of my emails in a timely manner. And I have emailed him A LOT. I also own 4 of the stones he''s cut, and they are amazing. He has custom cut a couple of stones for me (a gray spinel cushion that I LOVE, and a blue oval spinel that was intended for my ering, but was exchanged for a pink spinel he cut to sell publicly) and I can''t say enough about how beautiful the stones he cuts are.

I actually spent about 2 months looking for a spinel for my ering, and it was quite the task. So if you have any questions about Dan''s stones or where to find other vendors, please feel free to ask. Or if you''d like real life pictures, I can do that as well.

Good luck!

 

[partgypsy]

two other vendors I enjoy browsing are: "simplysapphires"
and "mineralminers.com"


They both have both loose gemstones and set jewelry.

 

[partgypsy]

ooh look a this one, and on sale for $950 (don''t know if it''s sizeable).



http://www.simplysapphires.com/html/imagesjewelry2006/678spr-sm.html

 

[Rhea]

I like the idea of buying an eternity band to wear now, a plain band for the wedding, and then getting a large diamond ring if and when you can. A lot of people seem to like the stacked look, and several on here buy an eternity ring at some point. Failing that I like the idea of the large coloured stone in a setting that could be reused for a diamond later if you wanted.

 

[mercoledi]

Date: 10/22/2008 4:28:39 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
I just talked to him. He says he just wants me to look at her stones. If I don''t find one that suits me, we can get a different one. He doesn''t care if we use a JTV setting or not.

Oh good! I think that that is very reasonable. If you do see a blue that will work, you could still offer to wear it for the wedding, but it sounds like you two are back on the same page.

Have fun with stone shopping!

 

[Kelli]

I''m glad he''s willing to get something else if you don''t find something you like!

 

[l0v3lif3]

Oh, boy am I obssessed. I have a few emails out to vendors, and I''m checking my email every 15 minutes to see if there is a response.

 

[E B]

Date: 10/23/2008 12:12:52 PM
Author: l0v3lif3
Oh, boy am I obssessed. I have a few emails out to vendors, and I'm checking my email every 15 minutes to see if there is a response.

Welcome to the dark (sparkly?) side.

 

[Kelli]

Any updates for us?

 

[l0v3lif3]

^^nothing too report. I''m waiting for someone to get back to me.

tick tock

 

[l0v3lif3]

I feel really hot-and-cold about the whole process of ring scouting and wedding planning. I''ll definately cruise over to thhe LIW/BWW sections.
One minute it''s is exciting and the next it seems like a horrible chore.

Went to look at spess, tsav, and spinel. The spess was awesome, but I don''t know if I''d like to wear it every day. The tsav in my price range was microscopic. The red spinels were pushing the budget too, but there were some great pink ones.