What is considered the rule for how much to spend on an engagement ring now?

[MamaBee]

It’s a silly outdated rule..Buy what you can afford or are willing to spend. There are people that will have to stretch to get the biggest diamond they can afford because it will make them happy..and that’s what they should do...On the other spectrum there are people who can afford pretty much anything because they have a large salary...but that doesn’t mean they should buy the Hope Diamond!

 

[LinSF]

Lol @Ereeg . My Ff's ex is one of "those" exes, who is awful and miserable and self-absorbed and abusive. Legend has it ( Ff's bf told me)the day before the wedding), ex wifey could not sit down in her gown ( how she had NO idea this was the case is beyond me), Grandma sprung another 2K for a new/different dress the day before their wedding. Also found out FF spent 15K on her bling. I silently swore he'd spend 15,001. As it turns out, he will... ( sounds petty but he was adamant about me getting the ring I want, AND although I do not engage her in ANY sort of warfare, it'll be fun seeing her face when she notices my ROCK). She has been a horrible human to FF, and he's handled it like a gentleman. Again, I know I sound immature but I've never retaliated in any way the last 4 years. Feels like a tiny comeuppance for all of the grief she has caused our relationship.

Are you sure your fiance's ex wasn't also married to mine? His ex told him her ring had to be better than the previous 4 engagement rings she had from four broken engagements.... and that's not the worst of it. Her ring was wayyyy over what he could afford then at just over 20k. My ring will be a joint effort and over that number (which is also over what I wore the first time around as well).

A lot of women (especially here in a high priced area) are judged by their rings. That's not a concern of mine, but my first set was gorgeous. And he did a gorgeous ring the first time. So why not make sure that we do better this time? He has a daughter with his ex, and I'm more worried about her mother instilling in her the "worthiness" of "look how much I was worth to your dad in comparison". Shes crazy, but it still makes me miffed to think about. If we went by the two-three month rule I'd be wearing a honker but reality is that there are so many different considerations and no one right answer.

 

[Dancing Fire]

And I think one is happier when not always comparing what they have to what others

Missy, I would be a lot happier if my rock was bigger than yours!

 

[stalpa]

I plan to spend as much as the "engagement watch"* I want.


*that's a politically correct tradition I'm trying to start

 

[kb1gra]

I plan to spend as much as the "engagement watch"* I want.


*that's a politically correct tradition I'm trying to start

My husband bought me an engagement horse. I bought him an engagement dirt bike. I still have a lovely ring as well, he doesn't wear a ring at all.

In retrospect the ring would have been a lot less costly than the horse.

 

[DJ_Roch]

I’m a dude who just went through this and I’m coming in at less than 2 months. That said, really what drove price was deciding against a 2+ carat stone as I thought in person they would not work with her more conservative style and petit figure. I went with a higher end 1.83 carat diamond instead.

 

[barbie86]

My husband bought me an engagement horse. I bought him an engagement dirt bike. I still have a lovely ring as well, he doesn't wear a ring at all.

In retrospect the ring would have been a lot less costly than the horse.

I love this. I don't get the whole percentage thing. Or the ring thing if that isn't what you want.

My ring is coming in at around 1 months salary for my OH (£3.7k). I can't imagine spending 3 months salary on a ring personally; cost of living is so high where we are, so there are other priorities. That and maximum I would have gone to for my ring would be like £7k, which would have been a large solitaire without a halo...

Basically if we had like £10k I would want my same ring, maybe a fraction bigger, plus a Givenchy bag, plus a couple pairs MiuMiu kitten heels (so damn comfy), and Nicholas Kirkwood Beyas (likewise), and this antique marquise diamond cluster ring I have wanted for ages.

We can dream, hey?!

 

[Big Fat Facets]

I feel that one could consider spending what one can comfortably and responsibly afford for an engagement ring.

 

[barbie86]

I’m a dude who just went through this and I’m coming in at less than 2 months. That said, really what drove price was deciding against a 2+ carat stone as I thought in person they would not work with her more conservative style and petit figure. I went with a higher end 1.83 carat diamond instead.

Do you have a pic? Would love to see it.

Also, a girl I know has a fabulous 1.35ct ring (pear solitaire; D colour; F clarity; excellent proportions; minimal bowtie). And yet she was pissed, because, and I quote, 'for the same money he could have gone down in colour and clarity and got a much bigger stone'. At first I thought she was being spoilt; now I realise, not so much. If I were her, I would probably go to H/VS1, and up to 2ct ish (which I think was what she wanted).

(As an aside, I wish I had smaller fingers. Mine are weirdly large for my size (even at 116lbs and 5'7" my ring finger is a 5.25). It makes stones look so much smaller)

 

[barbie86]

I feel that one could consider spending what one can comfortably and responsibly afford for an engagement ring.

I agree.

The whole salary thing is irrelevant, as it doesn't take into account outgoings .

I know people who can comfortably afford to spend 3 months salary; I know others who couldn't afford 1 weeks salary.

It's all relative.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

This is quite an amusing thread to look back on from before i joined up here on PS

I thought it was two months - says me with no ring, no dress, no flowers, no cake and no wedding !

I confess i don't think its fare when people are on 3rd and 4th marriages and i havnt had one but my other half of over 20 years got burned amd hurt when his marrage fell apart and what we have works so i live without any kind of ring from him

My grandparent's generation got married in the depression, my grandad was lucky to be employed, he was a taradesman in a factory

I love having their ER and also of grandma's sister who never had kids - that great uncle was a civil servent and the diamond is bigger and an imported British ring according to the valuation i had done

I think they both went down the 2 month rule - but honestly how would i know ?
Before they got married my grandma worked on the lace counter at a local institution of a now gone dept store but her and grandad got a new house built in the 30's all the same

My mother's ER is much bigger - my dad was also a tradesmen in a factory when he brought that ring - they also somehow mamaged to buy a house together (that they rented out before getting married) my dad was not on good money as a young man and mum had a much better paying job than him working for the same firm but in the office

Anyway i do not beleave for one minute her ring was 2 months wages !

Anyway it doesn't matter, but all 3 marrages represented by these rings were all happy ones

Buy what you want but only what you can afford

I always thought if we got engaged id have been happy to throw in my (pitiful) 2 months to help get a bigger ring but right now id be happy with a $200 silver diamond promise ring

Edited to add i still have hurt feelings from someone around here calling my Grandma's ER sweet (meaning small) because my grandad would have worked really hard to buy her ring

 

[maryjane04]

This is quite an amusing thread to look back on from before i joined up here on PS

I thought it was two months - says me with no ring, no dress, no flowers, no cake and no wedding !

I confess i don't think its fare when people are on 3rd and 4th marriages and i havnt had one but my other half of over 20 years got burned amd hurt when his marrage fell apart and what we have works so i live without any kind of ring from him

My grandparent's generation got married in the depression, my grandad was lucky to be employed, he was a taradesman in a factory

I love having their ER and also of grandma's sister who never had kids - that great uncle was a civil servent and the diamond is bigger and an imported British ring according to the valuation i had done

I think they both went down the 2 month rule - but honestly how would i know ?
Before they got married my grandma worked on the lace counter at a local institution of a now gone dept store but her and grandad got a new house built in the 30's all the same

My mother's ER is much bigger - my dad was also a tradesmen in a factory when he brought that ring - they also somehow mamaged to buy a house together (that they rented out before getting married) my dad was not on good money as a young man and mum had a much better paying job than him working for the same firm but in the office

Anyway i do not beleave for one minute her ring was 2 months wages !

Anyway it doesn't matter, but all 3 marrages represented by these rings were all happy ones

Buy what you want but only what you can afford

I always thought if we got engaged id have been happy to throw in my (pitiful) 2 months to help get a bigger ring but right now id be happy with a $200 silver diamond promise ring

Edited to add i still have hurt feelings from someone around here calling my Grandma's ER sweet (meaning small) because my grandad would have worked really hard to buy her ring

I love the sentiment behind your grandmother's ring.

If I could do it again I'd probably look for a preloved ring to reduce the costs but also communicated with my partner now husband what I wanted. The first ring he got me was a $10 costume jewellery ring from Ebay. I was hurt for years and we settled on a colored gemstone ring as a compromise as we were saving for our first house. I remember many of my friends telling me that a colored stone is not an engagement ring and that also hurt my feelings. Why does society view this symbolic ring as something so rigid?

Anyway lol 10 years on and we're better off financially and I'm finally getting a diamond ring that's close to 4 months of his salary. But we can afford or now so I think it's up to the couple what they can afford.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I love the sentiment behind your grandmother's ring.

If I could do it again I'd probably look for a preloved ring to reduce the costs but also communicated with my partner now husband what I wanted. The first ring he got me was a $10 costume jewellery ring from Ebay. I was hurt for years and we settled on a colored gemstone ring as a compromise as we were saving for our first house. I remember many of my friends telling me that a colored stone is not an engagement ring and that also hurt my feelings. Why does society view this symbolic ring as something so rigid?

Anyway lol 10 years on and we're better off financially and I'm finally getting a diamond ring that's close to 4 months of his salary. But we can afford or now so I think it's up to the couple what they can afford.

That's so excitting !

Arnt people just so rude sometimes
Princess Diana had a coloured gemstone ER and that was the wedding of the century !

 

[maryjane04]

That's so excitting !

Arnt people just so rude sometimes
Princess Diana had a coloured gemstone ER and that was the wedding of the century !

I know right! Whatever happened to if you if don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. I just feel that from a young age we're instilled this fairytale proposal with a lovely diamond ring (3 months salary) and anything that doesn't fit that is somehow seen as inferior.

 

[MissyBeaucoup]

We were practical and got matching gold bands and put a down payment on a house. 25 years later I have a nice variety of colored gemstones, our marriage stuck and we’ve been happy together. Do what’s right for you and definitely don’t look around comparing. The best way to find happiness is to count your blessings!

 

[WinkHPD]

I bought Resa's engagement ring in 1972 when I was a Marine Sergeant stationed in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.

She and I went shopping in Copacabana and found a ring she liked. I think I was making about $350 to $400 per month then and I spent about $275 to $300 on the ring. The jeweler sized it for us while we waited and she got to wear it home.

I was so excited for her as we had found a ring she really liked. Then I noticed tears running down her cheeks.

I asked her if I should ask the taxi driver to turn around and take us back to the store. I told her if she did not like this one I would get her another one.

She told me she was not sure we should be getting married, she was having second thoughts.

I told her she had promised to marry me and I knew her to be an honorable lady, so the marriage was already settled and she would soon get over her nerves about it. (I am sure that is wrong on so many levels today, but this was 1973 and I WAS desperate not to let the best thing in my life get away.)

Last month on the 11th of August, we celebrated 47 years of marriage and have been together almost 50 years since our first date. We have walked hand in hand through life, except for a few hard years when I made a bad investment that put us in the hurt locker. Then we stood back to back and fought off the dragons.

She is still the best thing in my life and I am so blessed to have these years together with her. I can honestly say that the size or cost of the ring had not one iota of meaning to either of us. It was a symbol of the love we have for one another.

Rules, smules.

Wink

 

[Big Fat Facets]

Edited to add i still have hurt feelings from someone around here calling my Grandma's ER sweet (meaning small) because my grandad would have worked really hard to buy her ring

I think your grandmother's ring is super special and very sentimental. When tokens of love are presented such as a ring, the ring, it is meant to represent intent...
intent in creating a life together...
intent in honoring and cherishiing one another...
intent in commitment and devotion to one another...
intenet to be with one another in good times and bad times...

thats why something of value is selected for the representation... such as commonly a diamond and less commonly a colored gemstone or even a pearl. because it is a symbol of the true and real value which is the intent

And your grandmother's ring represents that. Im sorry that you feel hurt because of what someone said. perhaps, possibly they didn't mean it??
nonetheless, i can see why you would feel hurt.

My grandparents just wore matching platinum bands....very humble yet an enduring love affair.

I've seen really sizeable diamond rings and sadly very bitter endings to marital unions...

 

[monipod]

Not to get on the 'woke' brigade' but I can't justify spending X amount of one partner's salary to buy a ring for the other partner's enjoyment. Yes, it's a beautiful gesture of love and commitment but I don't think the amount paid for it should matter these days. I'd hate for a young guy to overextend and shell out $10+K for a ring when something half that price or less but with as much thought and care put into it would be cherished just as much.

Having said that, I think this is very much a personal choice for each couple to decide. I know some brides-to-be have social/cultural expectations to meet.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I don’t think there’s a rule per se on how much money you should be spending on an engagement ring (Or at least there shouldn’t be). That’s a pretty personal decision and it depends on your priorities as a couple.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

@maryjane04

i find a gemstone of any color is a beautiful way to be engaged or representative of betrothed/marital status!!

im sorry you were subjected to such insensitive and tactless comments. I'd like to think they did not mean anything by it...just ignorance...

Many of the aristocracy and nobility chose gemstones rather than diamonds.

I feel it is a far more unique choice. Its only in the 20th century did diamonds become prevalent engagment stones. Thanks to marketing.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@maryjane04

i find a gemstone of any color is a beautiful way to be engaged or representative of betrothed/marital status!!

im sorry you were subjected to such insensitive and tactless comments. I'd like to think they did not mean anything by it...just ignorance...

Many of the aristocracy and nobility in choose gemstones rather than diamonds.

I feel it is a far more unique choice. Its only in the 20th century did diamonds become prevalent engagment stones. Thanks to marketing.

Queen Victoria's ER

 

[Big Fat Facets]

Queen Victoria's ER

Yes!! Exactly! She was Queen of England. And by all accounts devoted to her albert, prince consort. A beautiful emerald snake ring as her engagement ring.

 

[maryjane04]

Queen Victoria's ER

Yes!! Exactly! She was Queen of England. And by all accounts devoted to her albert, prince consort. A beautiful emerald snake ring as her engagement ring.

Aww thanks ladies. I guess it's all about comparisons right. If most people get a brand new diamond for their engagement then an heirloom or colored stone doesn't seem adequate enough. But if anything I think my pale blue sapphire gets the most attention when strangers comment because it is different.

I just wished we could all appreciate the meaning behind it instead of what it actually is.

Thank you both for your kind words, it means a lot ❤

 

[dk168]

Just because the ring is big and blingy does not mean the person who bought it is nice or thoughtful.

I would rather have something small and meaningful than something that is big, expensive and bought without any consideration of the wearer.

DK

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I can see among my circle (mid-30's) that it's ALL over the board! No hard and fast rules. Some are relatively wealthy and spent less than 2k on labradorite and recycled gold, others have spent much more. The biggest thing I see is much more involvement in what the receiver of the ring actually wants which is nice.

 

[Dancing Fire]

The biggest thing I see is much more involvement in what the receiver of the ring actually wants which is nice.

But what if she wanted a 4ct?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

But what if she wanted a 4ct?

Then they better talk about finances

 

[partgypsy]

I don't think there is any rule anymore, other than yes what the two people agree on. I do feel the woman should have input on the ring (I guess I'm not a fan of surprise proposals), unless she really has no preference, if that could be a rule. I think the engagement horse motorbike is romantic. The guy I am seeing, while we have no plans to get married or even live together (and has already declared he's never going to buy me a piece of jewelry!), at the same time has helped me with so many things in my house including replacing both doors to be safer, entire kitchen remodel, and a master bedroom and bath remodel which has made my life nicer and easier, and was harder for him, and more thoughtful than a piece of jewelry. I still have jewelry that has been gifted with memories plus some beautiful pieces I have picked out myself I have my wedding ring I kept and will pass onto one of my daughters. Honestly I think only at this time in my life can I appreciate the things I do have than compare myself to others and care what other people do and think.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I bought Resa's engagement ring in 1972 when I was a Marine Sergeant stationed in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.

She and I went shopping in Copacabana and found a ring she liked. I think I was making about $350 to $400 per month then and I spent about $275 to $300 on the ring. The jeweler sized it for us while we waited and she got to wear it home.

I was so excited for her as we had found a ring she really liked. Then I noticed tears running down her cheeks.

I asked her if I should ask the taxi driver to turn around and take us back to the store. I told her if she did not like this one I would get her another one.

She told me she was not sure we should be getting married, she was having second thoughts.

I told her she had promised to marry me and I knew her to be an honorable lady, so the marriage was already settled and she would soon get over her nerves about it. (I am sure that is wrong on so many levels today, but this was 1973 and I WAS desperate not to let the best thing in my life get away.)

Last month on the 11th of August, we celebrated 47 years of marriage and have been together almost 50 years since our first date. We have walked hand in hand through life, except for a few hard years when I made a bad investment that put us in the hurt locker. Then we stood back to back and fought off the dragons.

She is still the best thing in my life and I am so blessed to have these years together with her. I can honestly say that the size or cost of the ring had not one iota of meaning to either of us. It was a symbol of the love we have for one another.

Rules, smules.

Wink

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