What is considered the rule for how much to spend on an engagement ring now?

[autumngems]

Just wondering. I know the old rule was 3 months. I was listening to the radio this week and they said now it is 2 weeks salary. Your thoughts?

 

[rockysalamander]

I never bought into the old rule and don't think there are valid new ones. I usually advise they spend what they can afford without debt and impacting future goals (house, car, paying off student debt).

 

[the_mother_thing]

Ditto @rockysalamander There is no one-size-fits-all rule when it comes to spending money ... on anything. Everyone’s situation, tastes, budgets, lives, etc. is different and only the buyer can prescribe what is/is not right for him/her.

 

[SimoneDi]

Whatever people are comfortable spending I don't think there is a hard rule, especially not nowadays, when priorities and wants are so different for much of the younger generation.

 

[missy]

Rules regarding what one *should* spend are nonsense IMO.
It’s an individual decision and IMO what one can easily afford and what one wants to spend.

 

[quaddio]

I wouldn't be comfortable spending so much, when you're a high earner, 2-3 months salary add up fast, even after tax. Even one month. It's more about what works for the couple.

 

[bludiva]

There is no rule. If there was one, imho, it should be to spend an amount of money the couple can comfortably part with.

 

[Ereeg]

I bought a ring at 20 years old the first time. Put it on a credit card and could not afford it. 11 years later, second time, paying up front and within budget (twice as much) -and much nicer!

Rule 1: if you have been divorced do NOT tell your new girlfriend much you spent on the ring the first time

Rule 2: If you broke rule 1, spend more this time than the first!

 

[pinklemonadegurl]

Lol @Ereeg . My Ff's ex is one of "those" exes, who is awful and miserable and self-absorbed and abusive. Legend has it ( Ff's bf told me)the day before the wedding), ex wifey could not sit down in her gown ( how she had NO idea this was the case is beyond me), Grandma sprung another 2K for a new/different dress the day before their wedding. Also found out FF spent 15K on her bling. I silently swore he'd spend 15,001. As it turns out, he will... ( sounds petty but he was adamant about me getting the ring I want, AND although I do not engage her in ANY sort of warfare, it'll be fun seeing her face when she notices my ROCK). She has been a horrible human to FF, and he's handled it like a gentleman. Again, I know I sound immature but I've never retaliated in any way the last 4 years. Feels like a tiny comeuppance for all of the grief she has caused our relationship.

 

[ccuheartnurse]

I never understood the rule. It was a genius De Beers marketing campaign. I've never heard of the 2 week rule.
My thought, buy what you want & are comfortable spending.

 

[TreeScientist]

I bought a ring at 20 years old the first time. Put it on a credit card and could not afford it. 11 years later, second time, paying up front and within budget (twice as much) -and much nicer!

Rule 1: if you have been divorced do NOT tell your new girlfriend much you spent on the ring the first time

Rule 2: If you broke rule 1, spend more this time than the first!

Hahaha I think these are the only hard and fast rules.

Seriously though, you should never buy something because it's what society expects you to buy. That is sheep consumerism at it's finest. Get her the ring that she wants, as long as it is within your budget and you can easily purchase it without going into debt over it. As my dad always said, "If you cannot buy two, don't buy one."

Whatever amount one actually spends, within the confines of the "Don't go into significant debt over it" rule, should depend on the couple's priorities. Among my (millennial) friends, some have spent a signifiant sum on an E-ring/wedding jewelry, some didn't do any jewelry at all (not even rings), and there is a continuum of spending between those two extremes. The most important thing is 1.) That the woman gets the ring she wants, because she is the one that is going to be wearing it, and 2.) That both parties in the relationship agree on the amount that said ring should cost. That's why I think it's so important for a couple to have a serious discussion about the expectations for the engagement ring prior to the guy going out and purchasing it. IMO both parties should be on relatively the same page when it comes to spending on big-ticket items like this. If the woman wants XXX type of ring that costs $10k and the man was thinking of spending around $6-7k, then I'm sure that compromises can be made and an agreement can be reached. But if the woman wants a $50k ring that she knows that her and her partner can in no way reasonably afford, and the man wants to spend $500 because he thinks engagement rings are B.S., then the large dichotomy in their views on budgeting and money is probably a big "red flag" and a sign of many future problems in the relationship.

 

[MeowMeow]

I agree with the others. There is no rule. It's more like what can you afford to spend and still have money for your needs. Telling someone they have to spend 1 to 3 months of their paycheck that they work hard to earn is crappy. Especially if they live hand to mouth already. I was in a relationship like that once and bought my own ring.

 

[MissGotRocks]

This has always been the silliest thing ever. Who cares what the 'rule' is? Spend what you want or can.

 

[tyty333]

Ditto, no rule. Spend what you can afford or what you can be happy with (the lesser of the two).

 

[WinkHPD]

I bought a ring at 20 years old the first time. Put it on a credit card and could not afford it. 11 years later, second time, paying up front and within budget (twice as much) -and much nicer!

Rule 1: if you have been divorced do NOT tell your new girlfriend much you spent on the ring the first time

Rule 2: If you broke rule 1, spend more this time than the first!

I remember back when I came back to Boise with my brand new Graduate Gemologist Degree after being gone in the Marines for a little over eight years. The store I went to work with had a wealthy client who at the time was on marriage number three. A few years later I had one of the ex wives in my store telling me about the party for bride to be number five or six.

Seems that each time the ladies heard about a new engagement, they got together with the new bride to be to share wedding ring stories. It seems he had not read rule #1 with wife to be number two and ex wife number one made sure she knew about it. He corrected that error and by the time I heard the story for bride to be number five or six he was up to a four carat diamond.

Wink

P.S. Rule #1 makes sense to me. However, any rule about how much you should spend on an engagement ring is totally bogus to me. Buy only what you can afford and what you are comfortable with. Anyone trying to tell you to spend more is thinking about their commission, not your needs!

 

[whitewave]

I think it’s not a set number— whatever you want to spend and whatever you can afford along with what size ring she realistically wants.

 

[LJsapphire]

My ex spent about 1 month's salary in 2004. We were in our mid 20s.
My now-fiancé spent about 2 months in 2016 but we were both in our late 30s.

 

[autumngems]

I agree it should be what you can afford comfortably, I just have seen and heard many things in the past.

 

[Swirl68]

 

[Dancing Fire]

The new rule is to buy her a bigger rock than her closest friends.
I was expecting a $10k ring (in 1986) from my then GF now wife...

 

[missy]

The new rule is to buy her a bigger rock than her closest friends.

@Dancing Fire for those who like following such rules that was always in play...ever hear of "keeping up with the Joneses"?
One will never be happy if they play life by those rules.

 

[Dancing Fire]

@Dancing Fire for those who like following such rules that was always in play...ever hear of "keeping up with the Joneses"?
One will never be happy if they play life by those rules.

I would rather be happy with a bigger rock than be happy with a smaller rock.

 

[Wewechew]

When DH and I were watching the episode I turned towards him and made a comment about wanting to marry Michael Scott lol

But in reality... I think it all depends where you are in life and what your priorities are. When DH and I were talking about getting engaged I told him I would rather have a house over a big diamond (I ended up getting both because we used a family ring, but if we hadn't I would have been fine with a ~.5ct nice diamond and using the rest of our money for a down payment on a house).

 

[missy]

I would rather be happy with a bigger rock than be happy with a smaller rock.

Agreed but for the right reasons. Because we want (and can afford) a big rock and not because our friend/neighbor/frenemy has a big rock. YMMV.

 

[the_mother_thing]

How about just doing away with e-rings entirely?





Said no PSer ever!

 

[Wewechew]

How about just doing away with e-rings entirely?





Said no PSer ever!

Going with "The Office" theme...

 

[KKJohnson]

Spend what you are comfortable with, that said my husband makes a very healthy salary and only spent 1k on my engagement ring I love him and still married his butt. Now I wear a family heirloom piece but at the time of the engagement that was not the plan. So moral of the story is spend only what you can afford, you can upgrade later

 

[Johnbt]

Never spend more than half of what you have. You're getting married for crying out loud. There will be other bills to be paid... and many of them sooner than you think.



Hmm. Maybe a quarter of what you have.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Agreed but for the right reasons. Because we want (and can afford) a big rock and not because our friend/neighbor/frenemy has a big rock. YMMV.

Do we need a good reason to sport a bigger rock?

 

[missy]

Do we need a good reason to sport a bigger rock?

I was referring to your comment:

The new rule is to buy her a bigger rock than her closest friends.

I don't care what others are wearing I wear what I want and love.




And I think one is happier when not always comparing what they have to what others (Comparison is the thief of joy and all that jazz) have but as I wrote before to you @Dancing Fire YMMV. Whatever works for you.