What if a girl wore white to your wedding?

[allycat0303]

I was thinking about this today. I''ve been to a wedding where one of the guests (a young lady, maybe 24-25 years old) wore an all-white LACE dress to my friend''s wedding. It was short and tight, but white lace none the less. I thought it was the most tacky thing to do at the wedding.

I have a particular guest (i.e My fiance''s best friends girlfriend) who I have had NUMEROUS issues with. i.e I''m excluded from events, and she ended up all over my fiance. Incidently, fiance''s best friend''s birthday is around the corner (bets on whether it will be a repeat of last year?) and she REALLY is the type to do this. She''s actually done it in the past.

My fiance pretty much forced me to invite her. I addressed her by name on the envelope and everything, eventhough I wanted to put *and guest* to be mean.

So ladies, what is the proper etiquette if a young woman shows up in complete white dress? Would anyone be offended? And what would you do? (if anything).

 

[mrscushion]

I''m not sure there''s anything you can do. But think about it this way: you saw a woman wearing white at your friend''s wedding and you were appalled. I bet many other guests were, too. In the end, it really hurts the person wearing white more than the bride. I don''t really think it''s possible to take attention away from the bride on her wedding day, no matter how hard you try. Everyone WANTS to keep their eyes on you.

 

[princesss]

Cool, detatched, not planning a wedding me says, "Laugh. She''s that desperate for attention that she needs to try to steal the spotlight on your wedding day? Pathetic."

The kid in me that was picked on and purposely excluded from things is pitching a fit in my head, though.

But really, it just publicly shows her true colours. Some people might give her the benefit of the doubt, but most people will look at her and say, "Tacky, tacky, tacky." She''ll just be showing it publicly instead of hiding it like she usually does.

 

[allycat0303]

I'm pretty intrested in what bride's think of this. I read on several etiquette websites that white is acceptable as long as it is not bridal. However, FSIL actually suggested that FMIL wear a complete ivory long dress (flowy with bridal-material) I think she was being spiteful though (for xyz reasons which I won't get into). My dress is ivory, and I casually mentioned it, though I wondered if I was being unfair.

Princess: Yeah. I've taken so many freaking slights from this girl, I just feel like being really rude ya know? I just saw on facebook that she created an event for Fiance's best friend's birthday. And I wasn't sent an invitation. AGAIN. Like last year. Yet I'm paying $180 dollars for this girl to eat and probably wear a white lacy dress to my wedding. Just annoys me, and I'm pitching a mental fit. But I guess I'm overreacting. I just want to be able to make a little snide comment. But I guess that is stooping to her level.

 

[fieryred33143]

Is this "E''s" girl? I remember those posts from a while back.

It depends on the venue. When I went to my friend''s wedding at the Spanish Monastery (where Mandarine had her beautiful reception), a guest wore an all white long dress. I thought it was incredibly tacky because not only was it December (so she could have choosen winter colors) but this was a formal wedding.

However, at my ex-friend''s wedding in Key West a lot of people wore white outfits (some men wore a white guayabera with khacki pants and a few women had white short dresses with some sort of design on it). It was very appropriate for a Key West wedding, especially since it was outside, it was hot, and this was a morning/afternoon wedding.

 

[iluvcarats]

The dress wouldn''t bother me so much, but she sounds like a B***h!
Try to ignore her. Be sweet and pretend you don''t even notice. That will drive her crazy! She sounds insecure.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Ugh, her again

Someone else wearing white at your wedding would be an issue *in theory* only. Everyone will be looking at you in your GORGEOUS dress. If they notice her, it will be because she''s very obviously tacky. Ew.

As a side note, I don''t remember if she is the type to cause scenes or be disruptive in other ways, but I would appoint someone to throw her out if she does disrupt the wedding. If you don''t have anyone in the family who would be able to do this, ask your event coordinator.

 

[btrflygrl23]

WOW ally when I read your post it was like you were talking about my life except I''m even more unlucky b/c the ''girl'' I have issues with in my life is FSIL she''s a real piece of work and yes she often communicates only with FI and not with me and I do get excluded.
As for your FI''s best friend''s girl wearing white I agree that you probably can''t do anything about it but it really is your day and you are going to be so happy it won''t bug you as much as you think it will now just roll your eyes internally at her lack of etiquette and think how pathetic.
She sounds like she likes attention my FSIL does too and will do just about anything to get it.
Actually she was invited to a mutual friend''s wedding last year and she doesn''t like the bride, the bride and I are close friends and she wore black and told some people that she wore black b/c she was in mourning for the groom whose life was now over

see what I mean there are always these kinds of people around nothing can be really done about it.

Believe me though I feel your pain and I totally get why you get pissed I struggle with it all the time...
Just remember you''re better raised and it''s your wedding day who cares a lick about miss thing...

 

[annadragon]

I''ve heard the rationale behind this and can comprehend it. I, personally, probably wouldn''t notice and if it were pointed out to me, wouldn''t manage to rise above apathy.
However, if it does offend you then I would be an adult and let other people make the snide/offensive remarks. If anyone mentions it to you then say calmly without a biting a tone, "Some people have no common sense." If you prefer not to be an adult I hear red wine and white fabric don''t mix

*Disclaimer: Not encouraging the ruination of an outfit, just having evil fun in my head*

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 5/14/2009 3:35:13 PM
Author: allycat0303
I''m pretty intrested in what bride''s think of this. I read on several etiquette websites that white is acceptable as long as it is not bridal. However, FSIL actually suggested that FMIL wear a complete ivory long dress (flowy with bridal-material) I think she was being spiteful though (for xyz reasons which I won''t get into). My dress is ivory, and I casually mentioned it, though I wondered if I was being unfair.


Princess: Yeah. I''ve taken so many freaking slights from this girl, I just feel like being really rude ya know? I just saw on facebook that she created an event for Fiance''s best friend''s birthday. And I wasn''t sent an invitation. AGAIN. Like last year. Yet I''m paying $180 dollars for this girl to eat and probably wear a white lacy dress to my wedding. Just annoys me, and I''m pitching a mental fit. But I guess I''m overreacting. I just want to be able to make a little snide comment. But I guess that is stooping to her level.

Ally, you are not overreacting or being unfair. This is your wedding, and it''s very understandable that you don''t want your FMIL looking like a BRIDE

As far as this b***h, just ignore her completely at the wedding. Pretend she''s not there.

 

[KimberlyH]

My mom wore cream to my wedding, she looked gorgeous and that was all that mattered.

 

[meresal]

Honestly, if we''re talking about "her"... I would be surprised if she wore white. I could see her showing up in all black and a black veil. Just like a witch

 

[Italiahaircolor]

So...

I you''re worrying about something that hasn''t happened yet (i.e: the fact that she may wear a white dress)? Girl...don''t stress over things that are really slim chances...

 

[tlh]

well you could pay a waiter to trip while bringing out the red wine tray.....ooooooops!

Just kidding, most guests would probably give her the stink eye anyway.. and if she does, she does, trust me... you'll be soo consumed with everything day of you won't notice...

 

[sunnyd]

It could be worse...at my friend''s wedding someone wore a white dress with serious boob spillage.

You''re not overreacting, especially with this wench. And your FI better bring you to the b-day party this time!!!

 

[allycat0303]

It is *E*`s girl again. My fiance made it a point to ask her, because I told him a while ago I would be annoyed, so he was trying to prove me wrong. She told him *a long white dress with lace* She continually manages to live up to my worst expectations. And I'm hurt that I was left off the birthday guest list AGAIN. My fiance told me to keep my mouth shut at the wedding (which I will) but looking for some validation that I'm not being *bridzilla* his words. I think I'm just frustrated at a whole 3-4 page list of things about this stupid wedding, and focusing on the wrong thing. And I love it that I'm being accused of being a BRIDEZILLA.

No I'm not going to the B-day party. My fiance is already trying to cover his butt by saying, 'Oh I'm sure they forgot, or you are invited by extension.' Yeah right. 2 years in a row. After I sent then an invitation with HER NAME on it.

 

[Haven]

I was so deliriously happy on our wedding day that I probably wouldn''t have noticed if someone wore a clown suit to the whole affair.

Seriously, I hope you''re just as swept up in the moment as I was that you don''t even think about it.

To answer your question--It wouldn''t bother me unless she was wearing a white wedding gown, and a veil.

 

[sunnyd]

Your FI has to know that he''s just reinforcing her idiotic behavior, right? Why is he even defending her?!?!

 

[House Cat]

I wouldn''t care one bit. Let her make a fool of herself, if she wants to.

Float above the drama. This is the day you get married. There''s no need to allow someone like that to ruin or even put the slightest damper on your day!

 

[meresal]

Date: 5/14/2009 4:08:09 PM
Author: allycat0303
It is *E*`s girl again. My fiance made it a point to ask her, because I told him a while ago I would be annoyed, so he was trying to prove me wrong. She told him *a long white dress with lace* She continually manages to live up to my worst expectations. And I'm hurt that I was left off the birthday guest list AGAIN. My fiance told me to keep my mouth shut at the wedding (which I will) but looking for some validation that I'm not being *bridzilla* his words. I think I'm just frustrated at a whole 3-4 page list of things about this stupid wedding, and focusing on the wrong thing. And I love it that I'm being accused of being a BRIDEZILLA.

No I'm not going to the B-day party. My fiance is already trying to cover his butt by saying, 'Oh I'm sure they forgot, or you are invited by extension.' Yeah right. 2 years in a row. After I sent then an invitation with HER NAME on it.

I think a short white dress is fine for a summer wedding. However, long white... I'm sorry but that is pushing it I think. But like other's have said, she is only doing it to get under your skin, so let all of your other guests laugh at her behind her back.

Here's my issue. Why is your FI going alone again this year, if you were AGAIN not invited?? Why can't he just ask?? And just a question, but who makes birthday guest lists anymore, unless they are purposely trying to indicate that someone is left off, ie YOU? Did they send invitations? Where is this so called list?

I'm so sorry ally.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Personally I wouldn't really mind, I'm not a traditionalist (in fact, I thought about having a "white and black" reception where everyone wore white or black). My flower girls may be wearing white, hehe.

That being said, if it was somebody that has always caused me grief in the past, and I suspected she was doing this on purpose to be hurtful, I'd be very tempted to have one of my friends pretend to be drunk, and go up to her all giggly and intoxicated and shout "Oh my god, I can't believe you're wearing white to a wedding! It's so tacky I love it!" and then walk away.

Haha, that's just a funny hypothetical though. In reality, I wouldn't do anything, just ignore it. Nobody will mistake her for the bride, no worries.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

one of the guests (a young lady, maybe 24-25 years old) wore an all-white LACE dress to my friend''s wedding. It was short and tight, but white lace none the less.


I''d kill her.


Not really, I''d be horrified and then I''d laugh about it for the rest of my life.

 

[grapegravity]

In my culture, the bridesmaids suppose to wear all-white evening gowns...

So it does not bother me if a girl wears a white dress to my wedding

 

[allycat0303]

The list is on facebook. They established an event thing and then sent out invitations via that. I know because I check my fiance's facebook account (he checks mine too, before anyone jumps on me.) Why doesn't he ask? Because he doesn't think this is a slight. I KNOW IT IS, because, my gosh, no one has ever accused me of being stupid. Just like I KNOW the whole long-white-dress-with-lace thing is a dig. He just DOESN'T see it. Or he pretends it's nothing so I start questioning myself and don't do anything about it. I think he just wants to keep the peace, and if he admits she's a total witch, then I can then FORCE him to do something. Which he wants to avoid at all costs.

Ok. I'm going to stop thinking about this. I'm getting really upset about it, and it's not worth it. We'll make the thread general.

Does it bother you if a girl wears a white dress to your wedding? And would you do anything?

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Allycat, I know it sucks when someone tries to just stick it to you, but is there any way to preemptively strike?

My FMIL found "the perfect dress" for our wedding and it''s Ivory.

Since we are getting married in the Caribbean and I knew she was doing it to spite me, I purposely asked my mom and bridal party to wear very light colors (ivory, tan, khaki and white). I was super sweet about it and told her that she inspired our decision to have all of our "honored" guests in cream and light colors. She told FI that she found another dress (in a different color) but is afraid of hurting my feelings if she wears it.

FI told her that it sounded strange that she kept looking after finding the "perfect dress". Now she''s stuck with her choice and if she changes it everyone will see that she is doing it to be contrarian. In the meantime, she is going to look just like the rest of the bridal party and my mom found the most gorgeous Ivory summer suit and loves it.

I send hugs! Hope this witch doesn''t set out to ruin your day...

 

[bee*]

I don''t think that it would bother me as everyone knows who the bride is. That girl that you''re talking about however would p*ss me off-definitely get the waiter to spill wine on dress if she wears white.

 

[loverocks]

Ally, I remember you writing about her before, and she is a real piece of work. A friend of mine wore an ivory short dress to my wedding. I love her, so I didn''t mind, although I don''t find it appropriate. Of course, others noticed as well.
Do you have any interaction with her at all (sorry, I can''t recall). If you are likely to see her before the wedding and you are doing small talk - why not bring this up as a hypothetical. As you are talking about your wedding preparation you can mention how a "friend" of yours was telling you about dress shopping for your wedding and said she loved a white dress that she found. You can go on to say how you explained to said "friend" that you felt this would be very inappropriate and hurt your feeling because it is against tradition. Hopefully the fabricated story will hit home with her and she will get the hint. Then, if she stills shows up in said white lace dress, I totally think you should spill the red wine on her

 

[Porridge]

It happened at FSIL''s wedding last year, but it was her mum''s friend who''s a nice lady but a tad brash. People just kind of rolled their eyes but nobody really cared.

THIS particular bee-with-an-itch however...I love the suggestions of 1)drunk friend exclaiming how charmingly tacky she is being, 2) RED WINE

and 3) having someone on guard to put her in her place or simply put her out if she acts up.

Some people

 

[sammyj]

Date: 5/14/2009 4:31:29 PM
Author: allycat0303

Ok. I''m going to stop thinking about this. I''m getting really upset about it, and it''s not worth it. We''ll make the thread general.

Does it bother you if a girl wears a white dress to your wedding? And would you do anything?

Well, ally, I don''t think you should make this thread general because the history you have with this girl (along with her history of having a witchy personality) validates your concerns and helps us discern whether or not you''re overreacting (which, in this case, I don''t think you are).

For me, if it was someone that I didn''t even want at my wedding in the first place and she showed up in a lacy white dress (short or long), I would be livid and annoyed to hell.

 

[Tuckins1]

There was a woman who wore a white, tea length dress to my wedding. It didn''t bother me personally, but it is bad etiquette. I would not wear white to someone else''s wedding. Period.