What have you hated at other weddings?

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/20/2007 12:26:45 AM
Author: Neveah

Date: 11/20/2007 12:13:13 AM

Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/20/2007 12:06:05 AM

Author: Neveah

Let me play devils advocate............ How would you feel if you were at a wedding and there were a plated dinner being served with a potatoe and vegetable..... And if you wanted chicken or beef you had to purchase it?

Hahaha-Neveah, I almost asked EXACTLY the same thing, but I refrained because I didn''t want to fuel the fire! And Deelight, of course you can''t make 100% of your guests happy 100% of the time...but free alcohol sure helps!

Well great minds think alike!!!

Very true!

And Haven, I was also under the impression that etiquette dictates that you don''t bring gifts to the wedding. I love that you''re the BWW etiquette expert-you always know what''s proper!

 

[galeteia]

Screaming spawn running around like an infestation of cockroaches.






Pleasant children who are neither seen or heard by anyone save for those in their immediate proximity never seem to be species found at weddings.

 

[Neveah]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:09:19 AM
Author: Galateia

Screaming spawn running around like an infestation of cockroaches.






Pleasant children who are neither seen or heard by anyone save for those in their immediate proximity never seem to be species found at weddings.

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I''m so with you on the kid thing....and what drives me just as crazy as children at a wedding are the people who "adore" when there are children because they just make it so much more "festive" My Aunt actually said to me that "I can''t believe there will be no children at your wedding! You should really reconsider. They just add so much happiness to the day" Um, HELL. NO.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 11/20/2007 12:26:45 AM
Author: Neveah

Date: 11/20/2007 12:13:13 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/20/2007 12:06:05 AM
Author: Neveah

Let me play devils advocate............ How would you feel if you were at a wedding and there were a plated dinner being served with a potatoe and vegetable..... And if you wanted chicken or beef you had to purchase it?

Hahaha-Neveah, I almost asked EXACTLY the same thing, but I refrained because I didn''t want to fuel the fire! And Deelight, of course you can''t make 100% of your guests happy 100% of the time...but free alcohol sure helps!

Well great minds think alike!!!

My problem with this is
1) It assumes that you''re somehow getting shortchanged by not being offered liquor. Last I checked, wine and beer got the job done too. If you don''t like beer or wine, drink water.
2) You don''t "have" to purchase anything you don''t want to.

I''m hoping that what you guys are TRYING to say is that if a liquor isn''t being offered for free at a wedding, it shouldn''t be out on the shelf.
Because what I''m HEARING is that its unacceptable to have anything less that a full (open) bar at a wedding. Which I think is just ridiculous.
I''m not having a cash bar, but I''m only offering beer and wine (and possibly one signature cocktail). I figure if people get offended that liquor isn''t there when there is other alcohol available, then they are there for the wrong reasons.


With that being said, I find it facinating in the wedding world that cash bars are considered tacky, but it''s perfectly acceptable to pick out your own gifts via a registry. Anyone else see the irony?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:21:52 AM
Author: luckystar112

My problem with this is
1) It assumes that you''re somehow getting shortchanged by not being offered liquor. Last I checked, wine and beer got the job done too. If you don''t like beer or wine, drink water.
2) You don''t ''have'' to purchase anything you don''t want to.

I''m hoping that what you guys are TRYING to say is that if a liquor isn''t being offered for free at a wedding, it shouldn''t be out on the shelf.
Because what I''m HEARING is that its unacceptable to have anything less that a full (open) bar at a wedding. Which I think is just ridiculous.
I''m not having a cash bar, but I''m only offering beer and wine (and possibly one signature cocktail). I figure if people get offended that liquor isn''t there when there is other alcohol available, then they are there for the wrong reasons.


With that being said, I find it facinating in the wedding world that cash bars are considered tacky, but it''s perfectly acceptable to pick out your own gifts via a registry. Anyone else see the irony?

I haven''t contributed to this thread because as long as the bride or groom are happy, and the guests are treated with some sort of dignity, I could care less.

But I do agree...beer and wine should be fine. If you are served rib eye and you want filet mignon, that''s your problem. I was a big believer in a full bar but that''s just me. To each their own. It''s been discussed on this forum ad nauseum.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:21:52 AM
Author: luckystar112

My problem with this is

1) It assumes that you're somehow getting shortchanged by not being offered liquor. Last I checked, wine and beer got the job done too. If you don't like beer or wine, drink water.

2) You don't 'have' to purchase anything you don't want to.

I'm hoping that what you guys are TRYING to say is that if a liquor isn't being offered for free at a wedding, it shouldn't be out on the shelf.
Because what I'm HEARING is that its unacceptable to have anything less that a full (open) bar at a wedding. Which I think is just ridiculous.
I'm not having a cash bar, but I'm only offering beer and wine (and possibly one signature cocktail). I figure if people get offended that liquor isn't there when there is other alcohol available, then they are there for the wrong reasons.
With that being said, I find it facinating in the wedding world that cash bars are considered tacky, but it's perfectly acceptable to pick out your own gifts via a registry. Anyone else see the irony?

Well, lucky, if that's what you're hearing, then I don't think you're listening!

I'm not TRYING to say that if liquor isn't offered for free at a wedding, it shouldn't be out on the shelf. What I am actually saying is that I have no problem with a limited bar/beer and wine only and I've stated that more than once. I think there shouldn't be a cash bar, period. Whoever hosts an event should pick up the expenses, in my opinion. If the host can't afford a full bar, that's totally fine with me-do beer/wine/champagne/punch/whatevs!

ETA: I'm not even really much of a drinker, myself...a drink or two and I'm good to go! But I just don't like cash bars!

 

[TravelingGal]

BTW, I forgot to add why that whole "guests treated with dignity" thing is the only issue for me...

I once went to a wedding where there was definitely an A list and a B list. The A list guests attended the reception at a nice venue. The B listers were sent to "Lucky Chinese restaurant" in Garden Grove (some of you may know it). Obviously the couple never made an appearance. To add insult to injury, as we were leaving, the restaurant staff stopped us and asked who was going to pick up the bill. We had to call someone who was close with the couple so we could get out of the restaurant without them calling the police.

My brother made the A list, but then I found out there was an A minus list as well. The A listers were in the ballroom. The A minus folks were in tables out in the hallway where they could not even see what was going on.

The whole thing was really rather...disgusting.

 

[VRBeauty]

Generally I''m honored when I''m invited to share something as significant as someone''s marriage... and doubly so that they''d want to entertain and feed me on top of wanting me at the ceremony! And I''m baffled at the casual coexistence of lengthy lists of pet peeves and the "it''s your day, do what feels right to you" ethic. I''ve been to real wide variety of weddings, which helps with the expectations. I once attended a wedding in a bar -- it was the bride''s sixth or seventh marriage, and she wore green for the occasion, but I believe this was the marriage that actually "stuck"! I''ve attended receptions in church basements where it was expected that gifts would be opened as part of the festivities. I went to a Chinatown wedding where I was introduced to sea cucumber as part of the 8-course meal. I''ll pass on that next time it''s passed around, thank you very much.

Having said that, there are a few bad wedding moments that stand out in my mind:

The officiant who didn''t bother with the bride and groom''s names for most of the ceremony but referred to them as "you guys".

The officiant who forgot to seat the congregation after an opening prayer, so we stood for the entire (long, dual culture) ceremony. I was glad I was wearing comfortable shoes!





.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/20/2007 12:13:13 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/20/2007 12:06:05 AM

Author: Neveah


Let me play devils advocate............ How would you feel if you were at a wedding and there were a plated dinner being served with a potatoe and vegetable..... And if you wanted chicken or beef you had to purchase it?

Hahaha-Neveah, I almost asked EXACTLY the same thing, but I refrained because I didn''t want to fuel the fire! And Deelight, of course you can''t make 100% of your guests happy 100% of the time...but free alcohol sure helps!

On I fully agree 110%

I have only actually been to one wedding where if you did not want wine or beer you paid and to me that was fine with me.

On a different note before I logged onto this topic I had never heard of A and B list guests let alone two different venues where you send one party to and the real wedding WTH??? That without a doubt is seriously pathetic

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am not saying this to put anyone down but I really hate buffet receptions. You have to be standing in line forever, every one else is touching your food and breathing on it. The worst is standing next to people you don''t know/don''t want to know which would not happen as much as a sit down dinner with assigned seats.
I hate weddings where they spend so much on the dress, the venue, etc and had too many people and ran out of hor d-orves (sp) in the first twenty minutes with nothing else to eat.
I hate it when the gifts are very prominently displayed and you can see who brought the biggest gift, the most expensively wrapped, etc.

 

[janinegirly]

for this topic, we should try to not take it so personally. obviously everyone does things differently especially with everyone being from different parts of the country / world. however i think it''s a useful topic, b/c like it or not, the reception portion is a party being hosted by the bride and groom or parents, so it is part of the process to hope the guests enjoy themselves since a wedding is also a reflection on the couple. of course some people may say they don''t care, it''s the brides'' day, but then that message will come through loud and clear as well.

things that i haven''t enjoyed at weddings (or at one wedding in particular, for the most part, I enjoy them all):

*cash bar. sorry girls, but I think it makes a guest feel like they''re at pay-event. HOWEVER, the wedding I went to with the cash bar did not have wine and beer, so it was a true cash bar. Meaning if you want a drink of any sort, go to the bar and BUY it. So that''s really what I mean by cash bar.

*horrendous entertainment. Again it sends message that bride and groom could care less about the guests..just want them to show up and give a gift. In my case, this wedding had an tortuous Irish polka band as the entertainment. So not only was it bad music, we were forced to get up and learn the dance.

*demanding brides: same wedding--the bride who is normally a good friend, told us (my friends and I) were not to bring any guests since we weren''t "married yet". Turned out the bf I was with is my now-husband, but nevermind! She also reminded us that we hadn''t yet bought a gift..and this was before the wedding!

But I''ve seen it from both sides..for example, at my own wedding I tried very hard to make it a lovely and enjoyable event (and invited a small # of guests in order to do it the way I wanted), but still there were a few guests who showed up like it was their party and didn''t even bring a gift or card. So the "not so great" stuff can happen on both sides!

 

[tberube]

Date: 11/20/2007 12:06:05 AM
Author: Neveah

Date: 11/19/2007 11:59:33 PM

Author: Deelight

Date: 11/19/2007 7:57:30 PM

Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/19/2007 6:11:25 PM


Author: sunnyd

Date: 11/19/2007 1:05:34 PM


Author: tberube

Date: 11/18/2007 11:03:08 PM


Author: thing2of2


Well most of mine have been mentioned already, but I''ll list ''em anyways.



1. Cash bar-I know, not everyone can afford a full bar, but I''d honestly rather them just not have a bar at all than have a cash bar...it just seems tacky to me.

If it''s all the same to you then, don''t drink at the cash bar and it will be like no bar for you! Sheeesh...

that''s what i''m thinkin... if the couple couldn''t afford a bar, they are giving the option to drink to those who may want to. i''d say that''s considerate!

Hey, I wasn''t trying to start another big PS debate...the OP asked what people disliked, and that''s one thing I dislike! I have no problem with a limited/wine and beer only bar, but I do have a problem with being invited to a party and having to pay for my drinks! That''s my opinion...you ladies can have whatever opinion you want, too!

Cash bars don''t bother me at the least weddings even small ones are expensive PERIOD. It is your choice whether you choose to pay for your drinks or not. At the end of the day you go to a wedding it may not be all your taste but when it is your turn to do it you can do it your way and I guarantee there will be things others will hate at yours .


You will never ever make 100% of the people 100% happy anytime .

Let me play devils advocate............ How would you feel if you were at a wedding and there were a plated dinner being served with a potatoe and vegetable..... And if you wanted chicken or beef you had to purchase it?

Then I would say that would be weird, because it''s way different than a bar, but I guess, still a fair choice. Honestly. I''m there to share the bride and groom''s day, not be served like a queen.

It is customary to offer food to your guests for free. Not get them wasted. That''s all...

 

[HollyS]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:09:19 AM
Author: Galateia

Screaming spawn running around like an infestation of cockroaches.






Pleasant children who are neither seen or heard by anyone save for those in their immediate proximity never seem to be species found at weddings.

I think I like you! We think alike.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:42:37 AM
Author: TravelingGal
BTW, I forgot to add why that whole ''guests treated with dignity'' thing is the only issue for me...

I once went to a wedding where there was definitely an A list and a B list. The A list guests attended the reception at a nice venue. The B listers were sent to ''Lucky Chinese restaurant'' in Garden Grove (some of you may know it). Obviously the couple never made an appearance. To add insult to injury, as we were leaving, the restaurant staff stopped us and asked who was going to pick up the bill. We had to call someone who was close with the couple so we could get out of the restaurant without them calling the police.

My brother made the A list, but then I found out there was an A minus list as well. The A listers were in the ballroom. The A minus folks were in tables out in the hallway where they could not even see what was going on.

The whole thing was really rather...disgusting.

I''m stunned. That''s . . . beyond my comprehension. Whoever the idiot was, I hope you are no longer on so much as a Christmas Card list with them. Unbelievable. Just f''ing unbelievable.

 

[MoonWater]

Wow, people are getting touchy in this thread. I didn't think it was meant to be taken so seriously. I thought we were all suppose to be honest about what we don't like, regardless of whether it's considerate to the bride and groom or what have you. If you don't like it, you don't like it. No one is dictating how anyone should do their own wedding obviously.

And on that note, I also hate cash bars. When I dress up for a wedding, I have no pockets, sometimes no purse, so it's annoying.

Interesting to find out proper etiquette is not to bring gifts. I know a couple that actually had most of their gifts stolen at their wedding. It does seem to be a huge inconvenience for the couple to have to monitor their gifts and then drag all that stuff home.

 

[Elmorton]

I think the open bar/cash bar is a regional/cultural/life situation thing. To my parents and extended family=open bar is flaunting your money. DH's family=open bar is the norm. Then there's socio-economics of it: DH and I are young, paying off school debt, and most people we know are in the same situation, so an open bar is definitely not the norm. When I attend friends' weddings, I have at least enough for 3 drinks in my purse. I expect the bar to be cash. I understand why people are touchy about it, because we're talking about a wedding detail that can cost somewhere between 1-10k - not exactly the same as making the decision to have or not have a ring bearer in your wedding party. Even one of my girlfriends who comes from a very well-to-do family felt very hurt when people would ask her what the bar situation would be. When she said that they were doing drink tickets for their 50-person wedding in Mexico (that her family pretty much did all-expense paid), she felt that guests' responses were that her family was being "cheap."

Maybe this thread would have been better placed in Hangout. When I was wedding planning, I'd get really freaked out by the (much shorter) list of guests' pet peeves on theknot.com. Instead of throwing a happy event for the people I love, sometimes I felt like I was planning a trial so that my family, my beloved, and I could be judged based on what we could afford to spend. While I love the funny stories in this thread, I think that it's not a stretch for some of the posts to be interpreted as a list of demands geared toward the brides on this board.

But you know, in the end, we did all sorts of things that are on the list of pet peeves here. We had a buffet, hosted beer and wine and soda, didn't pull our wedding inside when it was 95 degrees, had a gift table, our friends got trashed, we didn't invite children (and then made exceptions when parents asked), played old school rap for the last hour of our reception, and we had a sweetheart table. Would I change a thing? Um, no.

 

[Maria D]

luckystar112 wrote: "With that being said, I find it facinating in the wedding world that cash bars are considered tacky, but it''s perfectly acceptable to pick out your own gifts via a registry. Anyone else see the irony?"

Yep, I totally see the irony luckystar! Really, what could be tackier than asking for specific gifts?

But yet that''s the way it''s pretty much always done these days (at least in the U.S.).

When I was growing up in a Boston area Italian-American family, all weddings had full open bars, tons of food and tons of children running around. I must have eaten prime rib and lasagna at Lombardo''s of East Boston at least a dozen times in my elementary school years. Registries were unheard of. So were babysitters for that matter -- the only babysitters you ever had were relatives and they were all going to be at the wedding! When my brother married a woman from NY in 1983 and her mother casually mentioned to my mother where the bride was registering (so that my mother could inform guests on our side), my mother was mortified. "Is she trying to tell us where we have to shop?" There was no need to know about the registry anyway because our side was going to be giving cash for gifts . While that might be considered totally tacky to others, our family considered anything else ''cheap.''

So I think: tacky = not our custom.

I can''t think of anything I hate about weddings. I love weddings, all kinds! I absolutely ABHOR showers though...

 

[mimzy]

i agree maria d!

i will appreciate a few good dry spits on my wedding day, but i'd expect that many other brides would probably be mortified! it's all about customs and the expectations that your social circle sets.

it isn't a matter of taste (tacky or classy), it's a matter of preference.

 

[MoonWater]

I must be in a catagory all my own which is why I don''t understand why this is such a touchy subject. Quite frankly I don''t care what guests think of my wedding as long as me and my future husband are happy with the arrangements that''s all that matters. If you are invited to see me get married, it is because you are loved by us and love us in return. What you care about, if you are invited, is that we are getting married. Not about the food, not about the bar, not about the decorations. You are there to support me and him.

I suppose that''s what I hate the most about weddings, the fact that so many couples feel pressured to please everyone but themselves. Maybe that''s why I''ve seen so few smiling brides/grooms when I''ve catered. So, speaking of tacky, assuming I were to have a wedding where guests were invited to see the ceremony (and that''s still up in the air, I''m thinking more of a celebration after the fact), it would be potluck. I absolutely refuse to spend or have anyone offer to spend money on one day. If they really want to help us out, they can cut us a check to go toward a downpayment on a house. The same goes for gifts, don''t want those either.

I think if people geniunely care about us, they won''t mind making us the fabulous food they have made for us during family gatherings. We will spend our money on the alcohol (yup, open bar) and it will be a big party. No formal crap, no etiquitte to follow. Just close friends and family enjoying each other''s company. If you have a complaint, feel free to leave, or not come at all.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/20/2007 1:44:30 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 11/20/2007 1:42:37 AM
Author: TravelingGal
BTW, I forgot to add why that whole ''guests treated with dignity'' thing is the only issue for me...

I once went to a wedding where there was definitely an A list and a B list. The A list guests attended the reception at a nice venue. The B listers were sent to ''Lucky Chinese restaurant'' in Garden Grove (some of you may know it). Obviously the couple never made an appearance. To add insult to injury, as we were leaving, the restaurant staff stopped us and asked who was going to pick up the bill. We had to call someone who was close with the couple so we could get out of the restaurant without them calling the police.

My brother made the A list, but then I found out there was an A minus list as well. The A listers were in the ballroom. The A minus folks were in tables out in the hallway where they could not even see what was going on.

The whole thing was really rather...disgusting.

I''m stunned. That''s . . . beyond my comprehension. Whoever the idiot was, I hope you are no longer on so much as a Christmas Card list with them. Unbelievable. Just f''ing unbelievable.

This was back in the day when I attended church regularly (don''t everyone fall over now). Lots of couples felt obligated to invite almost everyone from the church (about 100 people). So to be fair, I didn''t know the couple all that well, and certainly would not have been offended if I weren''t invited.

However, if they were going to go through the process, it would have been nice to at least have paid for the dinner at the restaurant. I really didn''t even care if I was B-list...I felt bad that they had to invite everyone. One of my closest friends was told by the pastor''s wife when she had her wedding that she SHOULD invite EVERYBODY. It was a huge stress on her. She managed to have a 250 person wedding, where most church folks were invited and still have a lovely reception where everyone got to be in the same place.

Needless to say, none of my friends and I attend that church anymore.

 

[MoonWater]

Reason #376 for me not to attend church. Geez!!!

 

[janinegirly]

weddings are traditional occassions that are typically guided by social norms and etiquette. Been going on for thousands of years. These days there are variations, but etiquette still plays a role in most traditonal weddings. We all spend hours sweating over the details..invitations, addressing of guests, favors, order of events...things we probably pay no attention to in our normal lives!

so anyway, i guess we can''t pick and choose what''s considered socially acceptable or not. We either embrace the traditions which might be full of ironies and hypocricies, or do our own thing and go non-traditonal! And like it or not, everyone has an opionion on weddings (since it''s something everyone can relate to--been to one or had one), so while certain "traditional/etiquette driven" aspects of a wedding might not be a couple''s thing, doesn''t mean their guests won''t notice. Obviously if all of us posted lists of things we "hated" at wedddings, we''re all guility of it too! So I guess it''s up to each couple, how much that matters to them. I just know the weddings i''ve been to where the couple just invited the max # of people with the least amount of frills and didn''t take too much interest in the guests'' experience..have been the least enjoyable. And I guess it''s just me, but if you''re the "host" then there is a natural desire to hope guests enjoy themselves. I agree it''s ultimately a day for the bride and groom, but not to the point where the couple could care less about the guest''s experience..especially if they''re your closest friends and family.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/20/2007 4:33:16 PM
Author: janinegirly
I agree it's ultimately a day for the bride and groom, but not to the point where the couple could care less about the guest's experience..especially if they're your closest friends and family.

Was this directed at me? If so, let me clarify. If you are OUR close friends and family you know EXACTLY who we are and what we would want. You hang out with us during Thanksgiving, Christmas, baby showers, birthdays, Sunday dinners, random-lets-get-together-just-because events. We enjoy being around each other period. Add to it that two people are getting married and it's a bonus. So it has nothing to do with caring less about the guests as much as caring more about US because it is about US. What makes this day different from every other event is that we are getting married.

I do not relate to people who stress out about pleasing other people. If you have to work that hard to please people, maybe they shouldn't be there. But hey, some people aren't fortunate to have family that won't force their choices on the couple. Luckily I'm not in that position (nor would I tolerate it to be honest). As I said before, those that would have a problem wouldn't even be invited, and if they are by accident (not likely), they can leave/not come.

 

[janinegirly]

moonwater, take it easy..it was not directed at you--it''s a general post after reading handful of recent posts. if your friends and family are all completely in tune with you and you have a set idea of how to do your wedding, that''s great! and i''m sure it''s going to turn out fantastic.

but doesn''t mean people who do things differently are miserable (or "stressed out") just b/c you can''t relate to them.

 

[HollyS]

Okay, this has gotten a little out of whack. This thread was never an attack on anybody here; it was an opinion forum (as are all the threads here) to tell what we personally don''t like at weddings. Everybody is entitled to his or her opinion, no matter what that opinion is. We don''t need to take issue with each other over our likes and dislikes. We need to lighten up already and agree that it''s okay to disagree.

Okay? Everybody friends again?

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/20/2007 4:56:19 PM
Author: janinegirly
moonwater, take it easy..it was not directed at you--it''s a general post after reading handful of recent posts. if your friends and family are all completely in tune with you and you have a set idea of how to do your wedding, that''s great! and i''m sure it''s going to turn out fantastic.

but doesn''t mean people who do things differently are miserable (or ''stressed out'') just b/c you can''t relate to them.

The miserable and stressed out comments came from the horses mouth. I''m not sure how many soon to be brides I''ve seen talk about how stressful the whole process is. I can''t figure out why they allow it to be stressful. The same goes for recent brides. And the miserable comment was based on the looks of people''s faces I''ve seen. But maybe that''s their normal expression. There was always a lot of tension when the wedding was obviously more for their parents/families than it was for them. I''ve always found that sad and think that no couple should subject themselves to it.

 

[Linda W]

Having to see family members that we never see otherwise and that we don''t care for!!!

Linda

 

[Independent Gal]

Cheers to that Linda W! The thing I hate most about other weddings, at least family weddings, is CRAZY AUNT F!!!

And Moonwater, you''re lucky that everyone you love is so in tune with you. The friend who expected me to share a bed with a total stranger at her overnight wedding has been my friend for 24 years. We grew up together. We know each other WELL. But we also know that we''re different in lots of ways. Maybe she would have been cool with bedding down next to a total stranger, but I just wasn''t.

It''s the inconsideration that gets me. Of course a couple should have the wedding they want. WE intend to. But not to the point where they make their guests SUFFER. So, it''s one thing to say to your mom ''NO, I don''t want roses!'' or ''I don''t want a receiving line'' and another to say ''If the guests cared about us, it wouldn''t matter that it will cost them $5000 to come to our wedding in Fiji'' or ''So, let them be cold, why should I have to spend money on heaters. It''s MY wedding and if they love me, they won''t mind being cold'' or ''I want everyone here for the whole weekend, even if it means you have to share a bed with a stranger.'' Guests are just that, guests. So while a homey shindig with fried chicken instead of filet mignon is perfectly great, expecting everyone to eat deep fried intestine with liver sauce because it just happens to be your favourite food just really is not cool. See ? Costly doesn''t matter. Considerate does.

You should be happy and do things your way, yes, but the bottom line is that you have invited people to a celebration where they are your guests, and if you love THEM as much as they love YOU, you should be eager to make them comfortable.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/20/2007 4:33:16 PM
Author: janinegirly
weddings are traditional occassions that are typically guided by social norms and etiquette. Been going on for thousands of years. These days there are variations, but etiquette still plays a role in most traditonal weddings. We all spend hours sweating over the details..invitations, addressing of guests, favors, order of events...things we probably pay no attention to in our normal lives!


so anyway, i guess we can't pick and choose what's considered socially acceptable or not. We either embrace the traditions which might be full of ironies and hypocricies, or do our own thing and go non-traditonal! And like it or not, everyone has an opionion on weddings (since it's something everyone can relate to--been to one or had one), so while certain 'traditional/etiquette driven' aspects of a wedding might not be a couple's thing, doesn't mean their guests won't notice. Obviously if all of us posted lists of things we 'hated' at wedddings, we're all guility of it too! So I guess it's up to each couple, how much that matters to them. I just know the weddings i've been to where the couple just invited the max # of people with the least amount of frills and didn't take too much interest in the guests' experience..have been the least enjoyable. And I guess it's just me, but if you're the 'host' then there is a natural desire to hope guests enjoy themselves. I agree it's ultimately a day for the bride and groom, but not to the point where the couple could care less about the guest's experience..especially if they're your closest friends and family.

DITTO, DITTO, DITTO. I could not have said it better myself.

I also ditto all of the "Please settle down and stop being so touchy" posts. Ladies, the beauty of this forum is that we have access to several different opinions, so let's keep it safe and open to those opinions.

MoonWater--You said "I do not relate to people who stress out about pleasing other people. If you have to work that hard to please people, maybe they shouldn't be there." I think you are misunderstanding the sentiment here--entertaining for loved ones and hosting a social occassion is a way of showing others how much you care about them (for me, at least, and I certainly believe others feel the same.) If this isn't the case, then why host the event at all? Why not simply get married on your own without fanfare? Believe it or not, being a gracious host and having the opportunity to see your loved ones enjoying all of the plans and preparations you have made (i.e. pleasing others) brings great joy to some people. I dearly value my relationships with friends and family, and I relish the opportunity to show them how much I care by planning a lovely evening or large party for them.

When we entertain we show our love through the careful preparations we make, the attention to details that we hope will please and entertain our family and friends, and the manner with which we consider each and every guest as we approach all of the decisions about the event. Any kind of entertainment, from a small dinner party to a large, formal wedding is a form of expressing your love and gratitude for having your guests in your life.

I anticipate that you might be of the mindset that the wedding and all related events should be all about the couple and what the couple wants. This is fine if you don't plan on inviting others to share a meal and perhaps dancing with you after the ceremony. If you want anything to be all about you, then don't host an event to which you invite other people. Hosting social events is not for everyone, as some of our PS friends' experiences have shown (e.g. A and B list guests at separate venues--oh dear!) but the good thing is that you do not have to host an event at all. You can simply have a marriage ceremony and run off to your honeymoon with your new husband without fanfare. Hosting a wedding is a choice, and if a couple does not care about the happiness of their potential guests, then they certainly shouldn't put themselves in the terrible imposition of hosting a wedding. It is OKAY to NOT have a wedding celebration, but it certainly is not okay to invite people to an event if you truly don't care about your guests' experience.

(I write in a straightforward manner, but I am certainly not challenging you, Moonwater. I'm just trying to provide you with some information regarding why it is that so many of us DO care about our guests and their experience in our weddings.)

On another note, I think this thread is extremely useful, as it's given me great insight about things I should consider while planning my own wedding.

 

[KimberlyH]

I think what Moonwater was attempting to say is that a nice wedding can be had sans bridal madness and stress; that doesn't have to mean not having a wedding at all and not treating guests well, it just doesn't have to be a production and the people invited should know you well enough to have an idea of what to expect because they know your personalities (whether it be a backyard BBQ or an all out formal affair, either of which can be amazingly fun).