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Waiting, waiting, waiting...

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ms.kitty

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I just realize there is another MISSkitty... how ironic
 

Winks_Elf

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Personally, I would take him to the county office for Valentine's day where you get the marriage license. You are already financially tied to him, you've been living together, and you have been in the relationship for 8 years now. It's time. At this point, you don't need a big expensive wedding and the whole engagement thing. You need the paperwork to backup all that you've committed to already.

Why wait for HIM to make the first move? Take him to the township/city hall, get the license, wait for the cooling off time period to be over, and say I do! It's really not that difficult. If he hems and haws, tell him he has 90 days to figure out how he's going to buy out your interest in the house.
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sammyj

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Date: 2/5/2009 1:53:01 PM
Author: bee*
I know I''ve said it before but I think that you need to sit down and talk about it properly and don''t let him away with saying he''s ready and then him not doing anything. If he''s ready then he should do it, all the more reason as you guys have a house now and if he''s happy to live together as basically husband and wife, then he should go ahead and cement things. I would love for nothing more than to see an I''m engaged post from you!!!
I agree with bee* and Bia (and I think I''ve said it before too), but you need to put YOU first! I really think you need to lay out all of your feelings...something along the lines of, "I''m not obsessed with getting married, I just love you a lot and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have been together for 8 years and I am ready for us to take the next step. I know you can''t afford a ring right now but that''s the least of my worries. I just need to know where we are heading and what we can do as a couple so I don''t go crazy (or something like that
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)."

Notice all the "I" statements? These are your genuine feelings and NO, it is NOT YOUR FAULT that you feel this way and you can''t just make these feelings go away on your own.

***hugs***

And happy belated birthday and happy early anniversary!!!
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oh, one more thing....my BF''s age to get married was 30. I told him "NO WAY am I waiting till I''m 30 (I will be 27 in May)!!!"
 

tlh

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Date: 2/5/2009 4:03:32 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
Personally, I would take him to the county office for Valentine''s day where you get the marriage license. You are already financially tied to him, you''ve been living together, and you have been in the relationship for 8 years now. It''s time. At this point, you don''t need a big expensive wedding and the whole engagement thing. You need the paperwork to backup all that you''ve committed to already.

Why wait for HIM to make the first move? Take him to the township/city hall, get the license, wait for the cooling off time period to be over, and say I do! It''s really not that difficult. If he hems and haws, tell him he has 90 days to figure out how he''s going to buy out your interest in the house.
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You know... that ISSSS True... not a lot of pomp and circumstance though.
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But that is always an option, if you both are open to it.
 

misskitty

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Date: 2/5/2009 3:55:24 PM
Author: ms.kitty
I just realize there is another MISSkitty... how ironic


Hi there :) You have good taste in screennames!
 

Winks_Elf

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You can always do a nice big celebration in the summer, or for your first anniversary you do a church blessing ceremony. That''s just like a wedding, except the wording is a little different.
 

brooklyngirl

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I''ve posted about your situation before, and I know what it feels like to wait. My breaking point was at 4 years. I had a plan and a date when I would get my stuff and leave DH. Luckily he proposed before I had to do that.

For your particular situation, I think someone needs to be put in his place. Your SO really has no business being annoyed at you. He is the one who caused this to go on for 8 years. He bears responsibility for this. I think he should be set straight on that fact.
 

mrscushion

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Date: 2/5/2009 4:03:32 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
Personally, I would take him to the county office for Valentine''s day where you get the marriage license. You are already financially tied to him, you''ve been living together, and you have been in the relationship for 8 years now. It''s time. At this point, you don''t need a big expensive wedding and the whole engagement thing. You need the paperwork to backup all that you''ve committed to already.

Why wait for HIM to make the first move? Take him to the township/city hall, get the license, wait for the cooling off time period to be over, and say I do! It''s really not that difficult. If he hems and haws, tell him he has 90 days to figure out how he''s going to buy out your interest in the house.
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At this point, this would sound like a very viable strategy to me.
 

chocolatefudge

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This might sound stupid when I am feeling so down about it all BUT I really want him to do it, and I do want a wedding. I feel like I''ve waited so long it would devastate me to just make him marry me on the spot with noone there. Plus there is the issue that I really don''t want to force him into anything, I just want him to want to marry me.
He has said many times that if I was to propose then he would say no! He wants to do it himself, therefore I''m just waiting.

Ladies, we have had the conversations sooooo many times about how I feel but it just goes nowhere! I know I sound so weak, and I''m not weak person I promise. Most people would say that I get my own way with a lot of things in the relationship. Whenever I bring it up he just gets annoyed and says things like, "Why are we talking about this again? You know it will happen soon!" And when I say that he promised this ages ago he just says, "I''ve told you I didn''t mean it before but I really do now! Why do you only believe the negative things I say? You don''t want to believe me when I tell the truth!"

And so we go on.... I cry, he gets annoyed, then sometimes he will be really nice and tell me he doesn''t want me to get upset and he promises he wants it to happen and it will. Sometimes he just stays mad.

What would you do differently?? I can''t make him do it
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princesss

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Date: 2/6/2009 12:42:28 PM
Author: chocolatefudge

What would you do differently?? I can''t make him do it
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I''d leave. I''d focus on loving myself, because no matter what he says about wanting to marry you, his actions say otherwise.

Sorry to be blunt, but he''s torturing you, and it''s miserable to watch. And what''s harder is you keep going back for more. So leaving is what I would do differently. Leaving and never going back.
 

mrscushion

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I''m sure you know your SO''s finances very well. Do you think, honestly, that there is a way that he could be buying you a ring right now or by April -- or does all his money have to go to the mortgage / whatever other expenses he may have? I guess what I''m asking is, do you think he''s using his financial situation as an excuse, or is he really totally unable right now to make that purchase?
 

Bia

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Chocolatefudge, I don''t know your bf, I''m sure he''s a good guy. BUT--

If a man I''d been with for so long kept promising an engagement, after I had been ready for 5 years, and never came through, I think I would be able to see for myself that he did not want to marry me. I''m positive he loves you...Maybe its timing or money or whatever, but the point is, you can''t wait forever...unless you can. I couldn''t.

Why does he get to dictate when this happens? What if in 6 months he says he has the money but has decided to focus on a new job or a new hobby and can''t concentrate on a proposal. There will always be plenty of excuses available if he''s looking for them.

You deserve to have everything you want in life. Your BF/FI/Husband should share those dreams and desires, and if he doesn''t he should support them. He sees how important this is to you, believe me...that''s why he gets annoyed when you talk about it.

If you''re willing to give him another chance, because he''s adamant that it will happen "soon," then give him a bit more time to do it. But don''t wait forever...you''re going to drive yourself mad and spend time waiting when you could be finding the person that does want to give you everything you deserve.


((HUGS))
 

Dreamgirl

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Mar 25, 2008
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awwwwwww chocolate! I''m so sorry for your frustration. I can relate. A part of me wants to get engaged RIGHT NOW and another part of me feels like I''m not ready yet. Who knows, maybe I am ready but I''m afraid to admit it?? Either way, it''s hard knowing you''ve been together that long but it just still isn''t the right time yet........I feel for you
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Lauren8211

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CF, this post makes me sad. It makes me sad that he''s making you wait for an undetermined amount of time, and it makes me sad that when you try and talk about it, he makes everything your fault.

He lied to you once about "being ready" and now that he suddenly is "really ready" you''re just supposed to trust that? Just because he says so? I don''t think so.

You deserve someone who WANTS to marry you. He''s already let you down for nearly 3 years, and that breaks my heart.

I don''t want to say "leave" but his actions are speaking volumes right now. He''s all talk and no walk. If there''s ONE thing I''ve learned about guys, it''s that they don''t let anything stop them when they want something, so watch their actions.

I''d leave. You shouldn''t have to fight tooth and nail for this. If you don''t trust he''s being honest about his timing, then you don''t trust him, and that is reason enough.

(((((HUGS))))))
 

chocolatefudge

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Thank you for all of the replies.

I''ve written and rewritten my reply about five times now and none of them are coming out properly. The truth is, I really can''t imagine leaving him and I don''t want to. However, I realise this means that I am complaining on here for no reason as I am not prepared to take action against what is happening. My SO gets annoyed when I try and ask for a timeline and wants to know whay I want to spoil the surprise by knowing exactly when it''s going to happen. This then makes me feel guilty and I try not to talk about it incase the following day is THE day and I almost spoil it. Of course THE day never comes and I relalise that I am very silly and ridiculous and posting these things makes me sound worse
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My SO is sooooo kind to me and I know he loves me. Getting engaged is the only thing we ever seem to argue about. I do feel like we are growing a bit distant lately and this is mostly down to me. I find myself resenting him some days and just feel really angry with him. When I tell him these things he says, "Why would I want to marry someone who feels like that about me?" I''ve also had the, "You would leave me just because I don''t want to get married? You can''t love me much then. You tell me what difference getting married will make?"

I just really hope that he is telling the truth and it will happen soon.
 

Lauren8211

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CF: I know it''s unlikely you''ll leave him. I know how much you love him! And it''s easier to say "LEAVE HIM" when you''re not in the relationship.. it always seems like a good answer when feelings aren''t involved.
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That''s why the LIW board is here. We are a bit easier on complainers here than the other forums. We ALL complain here. I think its part of being an LIW!
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One thing that bugs me about your most recent post is this:


Date: 2/6/2009 3:51:16 PM
Author: chocolatefudge


I''ve also had the, ''You would leave me just because I don''t want to get married? You can''t love me much then. You tell me what difference getting married will make?''
Well, on the contrary, if he won''t marry you, how much does he love YOU? Works both ways. If marriage is important to you, he should take that into consideration, since he claims to love you so much.

The difference is marriage is a firm (ahem, legal) commitment. You''re legally protected and you reap the benefits and comforts of marriage. He honestly can''t understand that? He may not agree, but he HAS to know the benefits and comforts are the reasons why people want marriage. Seems like he is pulling things out of his @$$!

(((((HUGS))))))

I hope something happens for you soon, lady!
 

tlh

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Choc.

I am an EVIL woman.
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Last night I was in the shower singing "I always get what I want, I always get what I want, you may try sometimes, but you might find.... YOU''RE NOT ME!" I didn''t know my DH was in there listening to me. (I''m not modest and don''t close the bathroom door when I shower because it gets too steamy.) I get out of the shower and there he is grinning, HUGE at me and says, were you just singing that you always get what you want? and I said, well I do always get what I want. and he laughed, said he couldn''t argue with that.

Now that you have a little background. HOW do I always get what I want? I make sure that EVERYONE KNOWS what I want. (So I can''t be mad if they don''t know.) I make them WANT to GIVE ME what I want. (Sometimes I make it seem like it is their idea...)

To end my story, as a LIW, it is all a state of mind. When I got to the end of my rope, I played coy and cute. But when it came down to business, I made it known, I wouldn''t wait forever. Now I have VERY UNCONVENTIONAL methods. They just happened to work for me. There is a fine line between everything that is cute, and obnoxious, cute and mean. I walked it like a tightrope, and tested some boundries. I think it was when another guy asked me out, and my BF found out about it, he knew he was getting to the end of my tether. He didn''t HAVE to know... but I MADE him find out. Come on.. I''m not stupid. When he got mad at me, I said, as I held up my left hand. Where''s the visual que that I''m taken... hmm, I dont see one. Last time I checked, my w-2 said SINGLE. Yeah, I was engaged shortly after.

Like I said. I''m EVIL.
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Aloros

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I do think it''s easy for someone on the outside to say "Leave!" - they''re not the ones in the relationship with the feelings.

I had an issue like this with my ex. He was a nice guy, but we clashed over his graduating college. I finished in four years, and he waffled back and forth between majors, as well as got kicked out and reaccepted a couple of times. He finally settled on a major, had to go to a different nearby college since the other one wouldn''t let him back in, and I kept asking him when he would graduate. He didn''t know. So he said he had to talk to one of the guidance counselors to go over that with him. It was just so "complicated". He set up an appointment and didn''t go, had some excuse. Said he would walk-in. Missed the walk-in times, twice. It just went on - I think for over six months. I agonized over each time he said he would do it and didn''t. Frustrated, I finally grabbed him, the course catalog, and went through the courses he would have to take in order to graduate, when they happened, and calculated his graduation date. Two years from then (plus a year of post-graduate work for his chosen profession). He really could have figured it out himself had he really wanted to.

Then he had the nerve to tell me that he didn''t want me to find out because he didn''t want me to dump him. GAH! I stayed with him for a little while after that, and finally ended up breaking up with him. I''m 99% sure he still hasn''t gotten that degree...

Point is, you''re the only one who can decide when enough is enough. You''re still young, and you''ve got the time. There''s a possibility (always a possibility) that he is telling the truth about not being ready then and being ready now. You know him the best - you''re the one most likely to know if he is merely stalling or if he is telling the truth.

He''s probably got a very good thing with you, and I hope he knows that he only gets so many chances. There comes a point when resentment outweighs the good in the relationship. As elledizzy says, these things go both ways.

Until you decide enough is enough though, or he pops out that ring, feel free to vent!
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sammyj

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Date: 2/6/2009 3:51:16 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Thank you for all of the replies.

I''ve written and rewritten my reply about five times now and none of them are coming out properly. The truth is, I really can''t imagine leaving him and I don''t want to. However, I realise this means that I am complaining on here for no reason as I am not prepared to take action against what is happening. My SO gets annoyed when I try and ask for a timeline and wants to know whay I want to spoil the surprise by knowing exactly when it''s going to happen. This then makes me feel guilty and I try not to talk about it incase the following day is THE day and I almost spoil it. Of course THE day never comes and I relalise that I am very silly and ridiculous and posting these things makes me sound worse
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My SO is sooooo kind to me and I know he loves me. Getting engaged is the only thing we ever seem to argue about. I do feel like we are growing a bit distant lately and this is mostly down to me. I find myself resenting him some days and just feel really angry with him. When I tell him these things he says, ''Why would I want to marry someone who feels like that about me?'' I''ve also had the, ''You would leave me just because I don''t want to get married? You can''t love me much then. You tell me what difference getting married will make?''

I just really hope that he is telling the truth and it will happen soon.
I''m really sorry you''re dealing with this, but I just wanted to say that it''s not fair of him to turn your feelings about marriage and engagement into convoluted feelings about him so that the conversation becomes about how much you love him and you having to apologize for bringing up marriage in the first place. He''s sweeping your feelings under the rug and it''s not fair.
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brooklyngirl

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Chocolate,

I think it really boils down to how sure you are of yourself, and your feelings. He's able to make you feel guilty about YOUR NEEDS because you're unsure of yourself, and have some skepticism about whether you are absolutely right in your expectations of him.

Once you stop doubting yourself, he won't be able to make you feel guilty. He should feel guilty, not you.

Marriage changes a lot of things for you. Aside from legalilties, you have a different status in the family once you're married. I'm not sure what your relationship is like with his family, but even if they currently treat you like family, when you get married, it does change. Once you're really part of the family, people will see you, and your relationship as more solid, and treat you accordingly.

You deserve to have your needs met. You met his need, and bought the house with him, where, exactly, is his end of the bargain?

Dammit, I'm really frustrated for you
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princesss

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 4:59:53 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
Chocolate,

I think it really boils down to how sure you are of yourself, and your feelings. He''s able to make you feel guilty about YOUR NEEDS because you''re unsure of yourself, and have some skepticism about whether you are absolutely right in your expectations of him.

Once you stop doubting yourself, he won''t be able to make you feel guilty. He should feel guilty, not you.

Marriage changes a lot of things for you. Aside from legalilties, you have a different status in the family once you''re married. I''m not sure what your relationship is like with his family, but even if they currently treat you like family, when you get married, it does change. Once you''re really part of the family, people will see you, and your relationship as more solid, and treat you accordingly.

You deserve to have your needs met. You met his need, and bought the house with him, where, exactly, is his end of the bargain?

Dammit, I''m really frustrated for you
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Ditto.

He''s making you feel guilty about asking for something you need. It''s okay to need marriage. It really is. It doesn''t make you a bad person. It''s also okay to need him more than you need marriage, as long as you make the concious choice and are truly, 100% okay with it, which it doesn''t sound like you are.

You bought a house with him, for Pete''s sake, and he won''t discuss marriage without making you feel badly about it! That''s ridiculous. You deserve open communication without guilt.

Seriously, turn it around the next time he pulls the "Well, you can''t really love me that much" cr*p. "Well, how much can you honestly love me if you''re willing to sleep with me but not marry me?" It sounds like he''s counting on you to fold every time, and he''s getting exactly what he wants.

I''m so steamed up about this. I just hate to see such a sweet person in pain, and to know that it''s somebody you love doing it to you. Sammyj is right, he''s sweeping your feelings under the rug and that''s just not fair.
 

brooklyngirl

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Messages
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Forgot to comment on the surprise factor. Getting a timeline doesnt' spoil the surprise, period. At this point, if having the exact day and time he will be proposing will help you have less anxiety then he should tell you, no questions asked.

When you make someone wait 8 years for a proposal, sometimes you can't have everything like it is in a story book. If he wanted to surprise you, he should have done it 4 years ago. The time for surprise has passed.

Even if you have a fight with him the day of the proposal it won't change the surprise, and the feeling behind it.

The day my husband proposed, we had a big crying fight about engagement. It was the day of my internal deadline, and I was very upset, and we had it out. He told me that he was planning to propose the day before (PI day, lol), but the right moment wasn't there. That was the only thing that calmed me down that afternoon, and if he hadn't told me that, I would have probably started packing my things that evening. Instead, I got a proposal, and the earlier fight didn't take away from it one bit. In fact, I think it added more emotion to the proposal, and DH apologized for the wait, and all the pain it caused me.

After all was said and done, did I feel silly for fighting with him? NO! It is how I felt, and I was right to feel it. It wasn't because I was engagement obsessed, it was because DH made me wait too long!

You can't rely on what might be to make your decisions, you have to rely on what IS. And what IS right now, is that you have bought a house with a man who hasn't asked you to marry him. What will he do to fix this situation, and mend your feelings?

*Edited for spelling errors.
 

MrsHToBe

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
266
Happy belated birthday!

The wait is just really starting to get to me right now, and we've just passed the 8-year mark. We had discussed the timeline of December '08, so when that didn't happen, something sort of clicked, y'know? In no way would I ever leave him for not meeting the deadline, as it was a financial glitch that caused it, but now I'm just like, "Please don't make me wait THAT much longer!" LOL.
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
582

I do not think this situation is fair at all to you. After 8 years AND buying a house together I do not think it is up to him to give you a timeline. I used to really believe that having the engagement story, the ring, FF planning something “special” was exactly what I wanted and it would show that he wanted it too. However, I now think of marriage as two people. Two people who know that want to marry each other and decide together they want to marry each other, nothing more.



Why should you have to continue to wait for him to propose? I know you don’t like the idea of dragging him to the courthouse and it doesn’t have to be that way. If he is *finally* serious about wanting to marry you then why do you have to wait for a ring? I know you said that it is the way that *he* wants, but again it is being put on his wants and his needs. Your needs are just as important as his and he needs to realize that.



The talk you need to have with him is not about when he is going to propose it needs to be more along the lines of when you are going to get married. It needs to be a mutual decision and if he can’t say he is ready right now after buying a home with you and being with you for 8 years then please, please think of yourself and really reevaluate everything.



Best of luck with you and FF. You really need to have this final talk with him and get the ball rolling. Your happiness is of the utmost importance now. Sorry if I am off in my posting, please feel free to tell me. I just really hate to see you upset.

 

mryan

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2008
Messages
91
first off.. want to apologize for 2 things in advance:
1) i'm male... i dont know if posting in this section is allowed! lol
2) sorry if it's a threadjack but..

i read this forum time to time to see what is going on in the heads of the other sex ;-) and reading this one kinda makes me wonder if it is odd that i'm soon to pop the question in the coming months (just paid for the ring this week and will have it before end of next week)...that we've only been together almost 2 years. I guess when you know you know though eh. i think age has something to do with it also.. we are both early 30ish. maybe both of our clocks are ticking? lol i don't know! but i figure I know i would if it was next month or 10 years from now it would only be w/her...so why not make her happy. I know i'd regret it if i never got the chance to give her the big sparkly thing all girls dream of lol
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
I will have to talk to him again. I just hate the way it is, I hate that we have to argue about it and that I feel like I''m pressuring him. I want him to want to do it so much and for it to just happen and be like I always imagined it would be.

MrRyan, your post has made me cry now (not in a bad way!!) The way you talk about feeling about your girlfriend is the way I want my SO to feel about me! Thank you for posting, it is nice to get a man''s perspective for a change.
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
6,770
Date: 2/6/2009 3:51:16 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Thank you for all of the replies.


I've written and rewritten my reply about five times now and none of them are coming out properly. The truth is, I really can't imagine leaving him and I don't want to. However, I realise this means that I am complaining on here for no reason as I am not prepared to take action against what is happening. My SO gets annoyed when I try and ask for a timeline and wants to know whay I want to spoil the surprise by knowing exactly when it's going to happen. This then makes me feel guilty and I try not to talk about it incase the following day is THE day and I almost spoil it. Of course THE day never comes and I relalise that I am very silly and ridiculous and posting these things makes me sound worse
15.gif



My SO is sooooo kind to me and I know he loves me. Getting engaged is the only thing we ever seem to argue about. I do feel like we are growing a bit distant lately and this is mostly down to me. I find myself resenting him some days and just feel really angry with him. When I tell him these things he says, 'Why would I want to marry someone who feels like that about me?' I've also had the, 'You would leave me just because I don't want to get married? You can't love me much then. You tell me what difference getting married will make?'


I just really hope that he is telling the truth and it will happen soon.
Hey sweetie, sorry to hear that you are feeling frustrated again. What I think would help is if you were able to slightly alter your perspective on this. What I basically hear you saying is that your feelings over the years you have expected a proposal have progressed something akin to this (although this will be exaggerated to make a point):

"Is it Christmas today? ....no. Hmm, ok..."
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"Ok, is it Christmas now?!! ....no? Hmph."
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"Well, what about now?! Is it Christmas NOW?!! ...NO?!! What do you mean, 'no?!' Grr."
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The more you wait, the more agitated and impatient you become. Understandable, but because you're waiting for *one* day out of your whole life so far (not just one day out of the year like my Christmas example), you're obviously going to have many, many, MANY more days that aren't the day you're waiting for than are. Kind of a 'duh' thing to say to someone I know, so please don't take offense or anything, but if you wake up every morning thinking, "Oooh ooh, is it today?!!" chances are you'll be disappointed because the odds are against you if you consider how many days you've been alive (9,130 since we know your birthday was Monday--happy belated birthday, by the way!
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). Similarly, if you think that it might be another 3 months, or 8 months or maybe 4 years--who knows?--do you really want to spend all of THOSE days hoping in the morning and being disappointed at night that it didn't come?

If you truly want to stay with him no matter how long it takes, then I think you need to adjust your outlook on this, let go of your expectations that it's coming any day now, and essentially forget about it. What's the point in stressing both of yourselves out (yourself and your boyfriend) if you are going to stay with him regardless anyway? There is no point, so try to let go, enjoy your dream house with the love of your life, and trust him that it'll come. I know it's an amazing sort of thing, but it is only one day out of the rest of your lives--seems silly to spend so many other days miserable worrying about it if you're going to be together forever anyway, you know?

Easier said than done, no doubt. I don't actually expect you to *forget* that you want to get engaged, but really, in the scheme of things, it's a technicality if you have the man you want and are happy. And it's one day of the thousands you've already spent together. Maybe try to focus on those instead?

Wishing you nothing but the best, hon.
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tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,508
Date: 2/7/2009 12:24:47 AM
Author: mryan
first off.. want to apologize for 2 things in advance:
1) i''m male... i dont know if posting in this section is allowed! lol
2) sorry if it''s a threadjack but..

i read this forum time to time to see what is going on in the heads of the other sex ;-) and reading this one kinda makes me wonder if it is odd that i''m soon to pop the question in the coming months (just paid for the ring this week and will have it before end of next week)...that we''ve only been together almost 2 years. I guess when you know you know though eh. i think age has something to do with it also.. we are both early 30ish. maybe both of our clocks are ticking? lol i don''t know! but i figure I know i would if it was next month or 10 years from now it would only be w/her...so why not make her happy. I know i''d regret it if i never got the chance to give her the big sparkly thing all girls dream of lol
Sorry to continue threadjack....
Mr Ryan, if you were my man, I''d be irritated you hadn''t proposed sooner. Like you know based on age and other factors i"d say we know who we are and what we want when we''re in our 30''s, so after we''d been together a year, I''d suspect/EXPECT a ring like 3-6 months later. Maybe your lady is on this board... thefuturemrsryan???/ you here complaing that your man hasn''t asked yet????
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Actually I am just kidding with you, congrats and I am sure it will be special, and some ladies don''t mind waiting longer.
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Choc - ((HUGS!))
 

katica

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
113
chocolatefudge,
I can really feel your sadness through your posts and I don''t think it''s fair of your boyfriend to be stringing you along. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if I was in your shoes I would think he was stringing me along. Don''t get upset with me, but I agree with you when you said it was "convenient" for him to say that he''s ready now.. except that now the economy is stopping him? And I don''t like the fact that he has already lied to you in the past by saying he was ready when he wasn''t. How do you know he''s not lying to you NOW?

Another thing.. have you discussed children? I don''t know whether you want any, but if you do, how do you know he''s not going to do the foot dragging then as well? Or in any other number of situations?

I don''t like the way he gets mad at YOU during your discussions. My suggestion would be to pull back a little and see if it changes things. If you see each other 3 times a week, pull it back to 2. Concentrate on yourself and spend more time with your friends. Make him miss you. And if he doesn''t, well unfortunately you have your answer.

I hope I wasn''t too harsh. But I''ve been through the foot dragging thing before. I was with someone for 8.5 years. We got engaged after 4 years but then we both went to graduate school so postponed actually getting married. Then I wanted to wait to get married until he did a CFA or got a good job and he was just lazy in doing that. That might sound materialistic but he couldn''t pay all of his share of the rent and how could I marry someone who can''t pay rent? So I broke up with him. Yes it was hard but now I''m with someone wonderful who I don''t have to hound for rent money :) Think of yourself first, you only have one life!!
 
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