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chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Hi Ladies,
Just wondering, when did the wait really become TOO much for you? I''m trying to remember how long I''ve been on this site now, and on the list, and it is well over a year (maybe a lot more?) When I joined the site I was already fed up waiting and was expecting the proposal soon- and here I am STILL waiting! It was my birthday on monday and although I wasn''t really expecting a proposal I still hoped there would be one. I know my SO is short of money at the moment but I am just soooo fed up! He had a bit of a rant last week and said that I am obsessive about getting married- and he is right- but is that my fault?? Our 8 year anniversary is in April and I can''t see us being engaged before then. I''ve noticed there isn''t much movement in the top part of the list so know I''m not the only one waiting but it is getting more than a little frustrating now. What''s taking so long??
 

Still_Waiting

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
612
I''m sorry to hear that you''re feeling so (rightfully!) frustrated right now. It''s only been about six months since we first talked about getting engaged and there are days when I think I''m going to go insane, so I can only imagine how you feel!
Do you have a hobby or something you can use as a distraction when you start thinking about it too much? Unfortunately, there''s probably little that you can do, and since there''s a money issue too, well, just try to distract yourself somehow! Know that we''re all here for you! Vent as much as you''d like to us. It''s probably a better choice than venting to your BF at this point. Don''t forget that it will eventually happen and it will be SO VERY special when it does. It''ll all be worth the wait. (At least, that''s what I keep telling myself!) Good luck!
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Thanks
I think the worst part is that although he does have money issues now, he didn''t a few months ago, yet he didn''t ask! Now he''s saying he wasn''t ready then and he is now, it''s just very convenient.... I shouldn''t say that, it sounds awful but I am beginning to feel a bit bitter about it all. Some days I feel fine about it and think that it''ll happen when the time is right, but other days I feel like I''m going mad!!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Date: 2/5/2009 11:38:53 AM
Author: chocolatefudge
Thanks
I think the worst part is that although he does have money issues now, he didn''t a few months ago, yet he didn''t ask! Now he''s saying he wasn''t ready then and he is now, it''s just very convenient.... I shouldn''t say that, it sounds awful but I am beginning to feel a bit bitter about it all. Some days I feel fine about it and think that it''ll happen when the time is right, but other days I feel like I''m going mad!!
chocolatefudge, I feel like we hadn''t heard from you in a while so I''m glad you''re back to update us! I''m sorry. I get how you''re feeling. Yes, it''s not a nice thing to say, but you can''t help but feeling that it''s not your darn fault that the economy turned sour now that he''s finally "ready." It''s just so frustrating. Would you/he consider getting engaged without a ring and waiting till SO''s finances are in better shape to get it?

PS - My SO and I are also coming up on our 8th year.
 

xoxo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
185
(((big hugs))) to you chocolatefudge, pls hang in there. I do feel the same in somedays and maybe if you get to vent it out here hopefully that will help a bit. For me when Im in the forum it gets me distracted. I would like to Congratulate you tho for being with your SO for 8yrs. that is such a great milestone for the both of you and advance happy anniversary. And just imagine when it comes it will all so be worth it
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Alright. I''ve got 3 couples that have 3 totally different tales, and 3 different endings.

1) 7 years, guy blamed money strung girl along, and dumped her because he felt she was a golddigger. Not the case. The dude was seriously broke.

2) 10 years, at year 8 girl tired of waiting, dumps guy, moved 2 states away - dates others (for almost 2 years), he calls says he misses her, they want to work it out... she moves back. 6 months after she moves back, they are engaged and married the following year.

3) 3 years (Me. I am a hot commodity I tell myself. I can replace you, easily, so I will not wait around while you make up your mind.) Man ran into some financial issues, dog got WAY sick, he used the ring fund to make pup better, I got PO''d told him to move it or lose it. We lived together for 3 years... and I told him, if he didnt provide a ring (it wasnt a question of wanting to get married, it was my supposedly high standards, whatever...) I''d not leave, I''d bring dudes over and soil his sheets... he didn''t like that... but that was one of my MANY playful threats for him to do it. But I was serious. I knew in my head, if it reached the end of the year (which was 4 months away - we thought we''d be engaged 6 months before then- but well the dog.) and I was not engaged, I was not going to be with him any longer.

You want to talk about feeling bitter? I WOULD PAY FOR OUR DATE NIGHTS, DINNERS, EVERYTHING so he could save for the ring fund, I made more than him at the time... then dog gets sick, and he uses the RING MONEY. Now, I love animals, but damn. I began to get really angry, and sometimes I still resent the dog. But that is probably because the treatment changed the dog, and he is really aggressive now, and I feel like we''ll have to put him down anyway.

So I am not sure what you are looking for? Just the need to vent? Is the money issue, necessary? Do you feel backburnered now, until this is resolved? I have my reading glasses on, and am here if you need anything else.... I sometimes at the very least have some funny stories of what I loon I WAS during my LIW period. ((HUGS))
 

katica

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
113
He called you obsessed? Well after 8 years I can't blame you for getting antsy. I'm sorry I don't know much about your story but have you discussed marriage in the past and are you sure you're on the same page? If this is something you'd consider, tell him you can get engaged without a ring or with an inexpensive one and see what he says. I don't know your SO and I'm sure he's a nice guy but I get upset when I hear about guys in really long term relationships getting angry with their girlfriends on this subject.
In my case I got upset with my SO not because we've been together too long (it will be 2 years in May) but because last July he said it was supposed to be SOON which I stupidly thought meant 1-2 months or 3 MAX. And in September we went on a romantic trip so I thought that would be it but it wasn't. So it FEELS like a long time. I'm feeling better now because things are moving along. I think the ring is ready but now he's dragging his feet when it comes to talking to my dad. Uggh
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Suppose I was just venting more than anything. I feel like I''m in a situation of my own making. As many of you remember, the house we rented was being put up for sale, our dream house came up for sale and we got a MASSIVE chunk knocked off the price. We were very lucky in that literally a week after we moved in all mortgages were withdrawn and are still looking dodgy so we would not have got another mortgage for a long time. Therefore, I now live in a gorgeous house in an ideal location with my boyfriend whom I love to bits, BUT I always said I wanted to be at least engaged before we bought a house together, but I felt like the option was taken away and I would have been mad to turn down this house.

However, now we have a large mortgage to pay my SO is struggling at the moment (fair enough) but I feel like the proposal is being pushed further and further away. We have had numerous talks/ arguments (that''s what they usually turn into) and the outcome is ALWAYS the same. He says he does want to marry me and it will happen soon- this has been ongoing for AGES! However, recently he admitted he had not been ready before but is now- but now he has no money!

I just feel like if I hadn''t bought the hosue with him then we would be engaged by now. He argues that we are going to be together forever and the house is a major achievement and a fantastic start for us.
 

misskitty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
1,691
I''m sorry it''s so frustrating
Happy belated birthday!

I think for me, the most difficult times are when I''m upset about something else. Like if things are going well, I''m okay with being a LIW, but when I''m having a really bad day, it''s just one more thing, ya know?
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 2/5/2009 12:45:44 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Suppose I was just venting more than anything. I feel like I''m in a situation of my own making. As many of you remember, the house we rented was being put up for sale, our dream house came up for sale and we got a MASSIVE chunk knocked off the price. We were very lucky in that literally a week after we moved in all mortgages were withdrawn and are still looking dodgy so we would not have got another mortgage for a long time. Therefore, I now live in a gorgeous house in an ideal location with my boyfriend whom I love to bits, BUT I always said I wanted to be at least engaged before we bought a house together, but I felt like the option was taken away and I would have been mad to turn down this house.

However, now we have a large mortgage to pay my SO is struggling at the moment (fair enough) but I feel like the proposal is being pushed further and further away. We have had numerous talks/ arguments (that''s what they usually turn into) and the outcome is ALWAYS the same. He says he does want to marry me and it will happen soon- this has been ongoing for AGES! However, recently he admitted he had not been ready before but is now- but now he has no money!

I just feel like if I hadn''t bought the hosue with him then we would be engaged by now. He argues that we are going to be together forever and the house is a major achievement and a fantastic start for us.
Chocolatefudge: How important is it to you to have your dream e-ring when he proposes? If it''s not that important to you, might he not consider proposing with a temp ring (like a band or something?). It seems that you have been waiting a long, long time and aren''t doing too well with the whole idea of waiting until x, y, z are in order. Just something to consider...
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
katica: We have discussed it NUMEROUS times and whereas I THINK we''re on the same page, we obviously aren''t actually in the same chapter. he same book maybe. He is just making is drage and so slow.....

MissKitty: I know what you mean. I''ve not been well this week, started with an ear infection and have felt really sick and sorry for myself so maybe that is making it worse.



I was 25 on Monday and all I keep remembering is how excited I was on my 21st birthday- convinced that he was going to propose! So 4 years later I feel exactly the same and we''re still not there!!
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
I''ve told him i don''t need a really expensive ring but he''s adament that he wants to do it properly after all this time. The thing is the ring really isn''t important to me, never has been!! I know that may shock some of you on a website like this
The thing is, I always drool over your rings but I know mine would never be as fancy or expensive- it''s just not the way things are done where I live! The most I''ve known anyone to spend on a ring is approx £1000. Just want to say I am not judging any of you though!!!!!

He knows that I want a Solitaire on a gold band and about 1/2 carat. My fingers are tiny so that will look massive. It won''t cost a fortune so is realistic. It just feels sometimes like he musn''t want to enough or surely he would find a way to do it?
 

ringless

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
481
Chocolatefudge, I really am able to relate to you. As you know, I've been with my bf for 7 years and I am also pretty frustrated. You have a point where you're waiting, and you're fine with waiting, then you're so fed up it's insane, then you are back at square 1. I have come to terms with everything pretty ok, but at least once a day I daydream or wonder.. and it eats at me a little more. I keep telling myself that when it happens I know it will be because we are both ready, can afford it, etc. It will be for all the right reasons. And I know you understand that too, but it's really hard. Big hugs to you... hang in there.
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Thanks ringless. It is getting so hard. I convince myself that he has a secret plan and it''s going to happen on my birthday/ V day/ Cristmas etc, but every single time I am disappointed. I look for clues in EVERYTHING that he says, but have come to realise that I''m looking for things that aren''t there!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
Hi chocolatefudge! You know how I feel about things so I won''t bother repeating my past posts but please think of yourself. Sending hugs.
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Thanks bee
I feel like I am posting the same things every time! People must be getting sick of me!!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
Date: 2/5/2009 1:16:24 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Thanks bee
I feel like I am posting the same things every time! People must be getting sick of me!!
I''m not getting sick of you! I just wish that your bf would get his ass in gear and propose
To me it just seems like someones expectations have to change, for the moment anyway-either he starts listening and realises that he wants to be engaged or he proposes anyway now even if he''s not 100% into it, or you will have to wait another while and maybe stop the engagement talk. The reason I say this is that he just doesn''t seem to be moving closer (obviously I only have this info from what you post and I would love it to be wrong). I would just hate to see you get totally to the end of your tether before he realises what he''s losing. Reading back what I''ve said didn''t seem to come out right but I hope that you know what I''m trying to say!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Sweetie, I hope you don''t get upset (we love you here!), but it sort of bothers me that you''ve been in a serious relationship with your BF for almost 8 years and you''ve been waiting/expecting a proposal since 2004! I don''t want to judge you, that''s not where my heart is. I just worry that you''re holding out for something that might not happen for a long, long time. Is that ridiculous for me to say?

My FI and I discussed marriage this time last year. Had he not proposed when he did (I was prepared to give him until mid-2009 at the latest) I wouldn''t have been able to stick around much longer. I have plans of my own and marriage and family are in those plans. I''m not old (just turned 27) but I am also not a youngin'' either. I wouldn''t have had much time to "wait and see..." Do you know what I mean?

I really hope that your man has every intention to marry you, if he says he does, but I also hope that you have the foresight (based on experience) to know when enough is enough. Your wants and needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as his are. If you didn''t care to get engaged, than it wouldn''t be a big deal...but I don''t think that''s the case.

I hope I don''t upset you. Tell me if you think it''s inappropriate for me to say what I did, I can take it!!!
I just really hate to see friends hurting, that''s all.
 

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
690
Date: 2/5/2009 12:57:43 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
katica: We have discussed it NUMEROUS times and whereas I THINK we''re on the same page, we obviously aren''t actually in the same chapter. he same book maybe. He is just making is drage and so slow.....

MissKitty: I know what you mean. I''ve not been well this week, started with an ear infection and have felt really sick and sorry for myself so maybe that is making it worse.



I was 25 on Monday and all I keep remembering is how excited I was on my 21st birthday- convinced that he was going to propose! So 4 years later I feel exactly the same and we''re still not there!!
Chocolate- lol i use to do the same thing. Like our anniversary would roll by, and nothing. And I would think "wow....last year I was totally sure it was happening then too....and now its a year later"


To be honest, if I didnt know that the diamond was purchased and ring was in production, I would be going crazy too. We are on 8 1/2 with our 9 years being in June (as you saw in my previous post, started dating at 15, wow so long ago! lol). I think if we had hit our 9 years with no proposal, I would have lost it. Honestly, everyone has their own breaking point. Only you know when that is....no one else can tell you when "too" long is. As you saw in my post about annoying comments, everyone can tell you when you should have or when you should be calling it quits, but they arent you. If you honestly feel in your heart that he will propose, then hang in there. If you dont, then you need to decide what you want. HUGS
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Bee and bia, I know exactly what you are both saying, and don''t worry nothing offended me I know you are right, I just don''t know what to do about it. I would hate to push him into proposing if he wasn''t 100% ready, however, it worried me that he''s not ready after so long together. But then he is telling me that he IS ready, he''s just not doing anything about it!! This probably isn''t making sense now at all but hopefully you get what I mean.

Since I graduated I have been expecting a proposal (2006). I always wanted it before then too but realistically knew it wasn''t time yet. However since 2006 I have constantly been expecting it and it is so tiring! He did say things which made me believe it would happen but it was Christmas 2007 when he promised it would happen the following year. Obviously I''m still waiting.
I know many of you will say that you would have left him, but it was my choice to buy the house together and so I take some responsibilty for the time line moving back. However, what upset me the most was that he had promised it would happen by the end of 2008, we moved into the hosue in Novemeber 2008. I asked him about the engagement and he said it couldn''t happen now and would have to be put back BUT when I asked if he had looked at rings he said no. So he had waited until November and still hadn''t thought about it! So he couldn''t have wanted to propose could he?
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Thanks nakedfinger, just read your post. That''s exciting about your ring! I suppose in my head I know when enough is enough, it''s just so scary to know what to do about it when the time comes!
 

PrincessLily2009

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
96
My BF started talking about getting engaged about a year and a half ago, and recently I found out that he''s completely against getting engaged until he''s reached a certain age (a few years from now). When I asked him why he started talking about it if he wasn''t interested in doing it, he responded with "I didn''t know you were so ''crazy'' about weddings." So apparently, I''ve now reached "crazy" status.

Some days I''m fine, some days I cry, and some days, I''m mad as hell. That just seems to be part of being an LIW.

When I''m feeling frusterated, I try to think about how awesome it will feel when he does finally propose. I try to remember that once I am engaged, I know I''ll be saying that it was worth the wait.
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Just out of interest, what is the age? I used to feel like my SO felt that we were too young to get engaged although he''d never admit that.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I know I''ve said it before but I think that you need to sit down and talk about it properly and don''t let him away with saying he''s ready and then him not doing anything. If he''s ready then he should do it, all the more reason as you guys have a house now and if he''s happy to live together as basically husband and wife, then he should go ahead and cement things. I would love for nothing more than to see an I''m engaged post from you!!!
 

PrincessLily2009

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
96
I think he wants to wait to hit 25, or at least around there. He just has it in his head that a man should be a certain age. Even if his finances were in great shape, he wouldn''t propose until he''s older.
 

Miscka

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2007
Messages
1,938
Hi CF! I am definitely not sick of this, but I urge you again to please consider yourself, and realize that you deserve happiness. It seems as if this issue is never ending, and your sadness is evident through your posts.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
You know... I''m torn. Pretty please, DONT HATE ME!!!

1) You have your dream home. A place the two of you can build together. You love it and it is something you both wanted. By making this purchase, I think you told him in a - dude reading the wrong signals way, that you are ok with waiting a bit longer... even if this isn''t the case.

So... plant the seed.... water frequently. Pop, sparkly plant!


Ok... HOW?... This is pretty easy. You know how as girls we''ll randomly bring up stuff, and what not. Well do that. That is planting the seed.

"You know, I love this house. I love it. It is strange. I always thought we''d be engaged before buying a house together. I think it is still important to me... and blah blah blah."

water....
" I know I may not get the biggest diamond, I just want a symbol of our engagement. I love you and want to move forward with our lives...."
water..
"We can always get the wedding band, and upgrade later..."
water...
water...
water....

My DH bought me the ring that he could afford at the time. Dog ate up A LOT MORE $$$ than he anticipated. But, I had to wait because, well the ring was HE FELT a measurement of his worth. Like a man''s penis... on my hand. SERIOUSLY. It was sooo important for him to get me this visual WEENIE (yup, think about it, OMG it is sooo BIG, OMG it is sooo BEAUTIFUL, OMG HOW BIG IS THAT... OMG, I THINK THAT IS TOO BIG TO BE FUNCTIONAL!) Ok... I digress. But it didnt matter to me. We actually had silver bands that were engraved that we wore on our right hands and everyone thought we eloped on our vegas trip... hahah! I would have gladly worn that on my left finger. But it ended up having nothing to do w/ me and everything to do with me. Guys are silly. But, sometimes, it is MORE than about what you WANT and more about what they can GIVE YOU.

2) You have your dream home. Really, that is something to keep you distracted. Decorate it, paint it... it is a home you are building together. Sorry it is just taking you longer than planned for the eye candy!
 

ms.kitty

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 5, 2009
Messages
5
NEW to Pricescope!

I''ve been reading these forum on this site for awhile and never had the urge to register until now... lol
I haven''t been with my bf for all that long... be 3 years this summer... however, because we''ve known each other forever and moved in as soon as we started dating... it feels much longer. Our relationship had always been serious from the get-go and even discuss marriage 6 months into the relationship... now 2 years later.. I am still ringless. I guess because we''ve talked about getting married and looked at rings and even tried them on... I''m getting restless! I told one of my friends... he has til 1/1/10 to do something or i just might have to do something drastic!
 
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