Unusual e-ring - Need advice, please!

[windowshopper]

i am not surprised. your fiance did not handle this very well. who buys a stone that there is NO information on and then has it set in a several thousand dollar setting worth about 1/6th of the total........?

perhaps the deisgner/jeweler is being a jerk but perhaps we dont know the whole story. he did a custom job--ugly or not . wy should he do anything about it?

 

[selma]

Thanks everyone.

I thought Option 1 was crazy, because the ring must be worth so much more than 2 platinum bands. And since under that option the designer will get the ring back, they can also re-sell it or re-sell the setting and use the diamond for something else. They would not be using the current setting to make the wedding bands, they just offered to make the bands in exchange for the ring.

I''m worried about the diamond and the lack of certification too. I will try to take it somewhere else for a second opinion. All the designer was able to tell me is that it is 0.6 carats, E color, VS2 clarity. I asked about the cut (I''m learning a lot from PS!) and the designer was not able to tell me anything other than that it was "very good" or "excellent" (they said they would have to check their records) and that they did not have any of the specific specs/ measurements regarding cut (depth, table, etc).

The designer is not a big name - it''s a small shop, so I understand that they also have constraints over what they can do. But after reading Option 1, and hearing your reactions to it, I really do think they are trying to take advantage of us. I feel very lucky that I have all of you to help me!!

I''ll try to answer some of your questions:
- My finance bought the ring about two months ago. I haven''t read any of the paperwork - I''ll look at it with him tonight - but the designer was really firm on the no returns, no refund, no money-back. But it''s a great suggestion - maybe there''s something about returns on the receipt.
- I didn''t get the sense that the designer was angry that I didn''t love the ring. I really tried to approach the designer about it in the nicest way possible, saying that while many people would love the style of the ring, it''s just not the style that I am looking for in an e-ring. I think they could tell how much it means to me.
- I know that some of you have suggested it as a RHR. At first I thought this could be a good option but I think as this process is going on, I''m getting more reluctant to wear it period, just because I''ve started to associate it with all this turmoil and with a designer that I don''t trust. But maybe it''s just that my emotions are close to the surface right now.
- Some of you have asked about the name of the designer/ website. If it''s ok, I think I''d rather wait to see how this gets sorted out. I hope you understand.
- I think it''s a great suggestion to try to work with someone else from this point forward, because I am just not at all comfortable with the designer.

I just want to deal with this in the best way possible, so that all the $$ is not lost. Thanks to your input, I have a much better idea of how to reply to the designer. I''ll let them know that the bands are just not an option and see if they come up with something else. And I''ll also check with some other places.

Thanks again so, so much for all your help, advice, and support. I''ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

 

[ChooChoo]

Selma,

I''ve been thinking about your situation a lot - I really feel for you! I admire you for handling it as well as you did at first - believe me, there''s no way my fiance would not have immediately seen my reaction to the ring if I opened the box and saw that. I would have cried a river, and clearly not from joy.

Here''s another idea that just came to me - I really dislike that ring for a woman, but it would actually be a very attractive ring for a man. What about taking out the diamond and putting it into a pretty setting for you (you deserve a whopper of a setting for walking around with that ring as long as you did), and then taking the platinum setting, putting in a cheaper diamond or sapphire or onyx in there, and making it a wedding ring for your fiance? Mens'' platinum wedding rings are really expensive right now, and you wouldn''t be wasting the craftsmanship in that ring, which is admittedly well made, if wildly inappropriate for a woman''s engagement ring. =

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 2/8/2006 7:07:20 PM
Author: ChooChoo
Here''s another idea that just came to me - I really dislike that ring for a woman, but it would actually be a very attractive ring for a man. What about taking out the diamond and putting it into a pretty setting for you (you deserve a whopper of a setting for walking around with that ring as long as you did), and then taking the platinum setting, putting in a cheaper diamond or sapphire or onyx in there, and making it a wedding ring for your fiance?

That''s a good idea from ChooChoo. Or if your husband doesn''t like it for his own wedding band, a RHR or something. It seems like your best recourse could be to walk away from this jeweler ASAP and deal with someone else. Are you going to have the diamond independently appraised? I definitely would not spend any more money with this jeweler and his offer to put it in another setting (which I''m sure he''ll charge you for).

Start with the stone. Get it independently appraised. Are you okay with what comes back? Go from there.

 

[ChooChoo]

Actually, if you got the stone appraised and it turned out to be something VERY different from an E VS2 (like an H, say), you might be able to threaten the jeweler with fraud for misrepresenting the stone. So that $100 on the appraiser could be a good investment!

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 2/8/2006 7:27:01 PM
Author: ChooChoo
Actually, if you got the stone appraised and it turned out to be something VERY different from an E VS2 (like an H, say), you might be able to threaten the jeweler with fraud for misrepresenting the stone. So that $100 on the appraiser could be a good investment!

true............

another suggestion: James Allen has some lovely settings along the lines of what you appear to want. Have the stone appraised, buy a mountinng from James Allen (or someone) have them mount it and then take this ring and put it away. Its worth an awful lot just as platinum........maybe down the road you can put a black south sea pearl or lovely sapphire or birthstone into and it wont be such a biiter feeling--its a cool ring as a cool chunky fun ring............

 

[SparkleAngel]

I was reading the whole thread and feel so bad for your situation. I guess the thought that came to me was, first of all, do not deal with the original designer. I think your stress level will only continue to increase. I think they ripped off your BF in the first place. But just wondering it was possible for your fiance to have the ring redone for himself as a wedding band and then you get to pick out a brand new e-ring, just what you want. Since it has to be redone anyway and it is more masculine looking and he obviously likes it, maybe this could be a possibility. The diamond could be taken out for your ring and replaced with a gem stone or even your birthstone in his ring. Just trying to give you some ideas to think about.

 

[sydneycasandra]

I would contact your local Better Business Bureau, explain the situation to them, and then casually "mention" to the raving lun- I mean, "designer" who made your ring that although he is unable to present you with any certification or reasonable exchange options, you have contacted your local BBB and they are looking into what your best option would be. Mention it very nicely, casually, and then change the subject. This has worked well for me, as businesspeople often don''t like to get involved in transactions with the BBB; sometimes, the BBB can also convince the business to rectify the situation more to your liking.

You sound like a very diplomatic and reasonable person and I think you can carry this off well. It may not get you anywhere, but it certainly can''t make the situation any worse.

Any chance of selling it on eBay or in classifieds for a loss, sucking it up to naivete on your fiance''s part, and starting over from scratch (perhaps with a more inexpensive setting now and an upgrade in a couple anniversaries?)

Good luck!

 

[BrownEyes]

Selma:

I''m so sorry this is happening to you. For your sake, I really hoped the designer would take the ring back on consignment so you could start fresh with a different jeweler.

In addition to looking for a "published" refund policy on the receipts and other paperwork, it''s important to check for refund policies posted on the designer''s website, and also, for any posted in-store policies. I also agree that you should review any paperwork that was provided to your fiance, and have the ring independently appraised to determine if there were substantial misrepresentations.

Still, it doesn''t surprise me that the designer won''t take a return on a custom ring, and your prospects for any type of cash refund look grim - - I question, however, whether your fiance was made aware of the designer''s "no return" policy at any point in the process. At the very least, it seems the jeweler should have insisted that your ring size be confirmed given the apparent ''no refund'' policy!

In the meantime, while the style of your custom e-ring is not what most girls would envision for an engagement ring, the quality of the platinum mounting is evident from the photo you posted. (I can''t speak to the issue of the diamond ... ). I''ve noticed that Pearlman''s Jewelers offers some modern, different pre-owned pieces (www.pearlmansjewelers.com - follow the links for great deals/pre-owned jewelry). Perhaps, Pearlman''s or another quality jeweler would take the ring on consignment?

If you decide to sell the ring on consignment with a reputable jeweler, I would suggest getting an independent appraisal first.

How you proceed from there will depend largely on your and your fiance''s budget ... From an emotional standpoint, I think it would be wonderful if you and your fiance could start fresh ... visit some jewelry stores together, do some on-line shopping, so that together you find your ''dream ring''. I realize, however, that with no prospect for an immediate refund on the e-ring that was custom-created, your and your fiance''s finances may be limited. Unfortunately, he spent a great deal of money on that ring ... If it were me, I would be more than willing to contribute to the cost of a new e-ring - - after all, marriage is a partnership!

For the time being, you may want to forego the e-ring (I lived without one for nearly 20 years!), and focus on selecting beautiful wedding bands (possibly custom-engraved on the inside) that you can both wear with pride as a symbol of your love and commitment, and as a testament to the strength of your relationship.

Given the facts you describe, however, I would not, under any circumstances, work with the original designer to create your new wedding bands or any replacement e-ring. I find both of his offers to be heartless and offensive - -

I would also hesitate to keep the original e-ring as a RHR, or as a pinky ring or wedding band for your fiance. At this point, the ring seems so tainted it would be hard to associate it with anything but the turmoil it has created for you.

I really hope some true "experts" jump-in on this thread to offer advice in response to the designer''s "no refund" policy, and for the best way to proceed in light of that policy.

Again, I''m so sorry this happened to you (and to your fiance). Your fiance certainly seemed well-intentioned, and you sound like a lovely girl. I''m glad you''ve found PriceScope as a place to vent (and to hopefully find some helpful advice)!.

I also hope your foot is feeling better ...

BrownEyes

 

[gailrmv]

Selma,
So sorry this is happening to you.
Would your fiance enjoy it as a wedding band (a la Choo Choo''s suggestion)?
Have you looked into the price of the platinum as a metal? I know it''s very expensive right now, but maybe you could sell it to a jeweler or whomever simply for the value of the metal.
So sorry, and I hope this gets resolved soon and to your satisfaction!
Gail

 

[AndyRosse]

Oh Selma, what a mess, I''m so sorry!

I think your best bet is to just walk away from this designer and go elsewhere. Have your stone taken out of this setting and set it into the setting of your dreams. Then either see if anyone will buy the setting or just put it in your jewelry box for now.

 

[portoar]

Selma, **hugs** to you, I can just imagine how distressed you must be over this situation. The thought that your FI paid such a large sum for a ring that you find so unappealing must make you feel sick to your stomach (we are all aching for you, too).

However, I suspected the designer would not work with you on this. Without a cert, the diamond isn''t worth nearly what your FI paid for it (and it probably wasn''t worth as much as he paid for it in the first place). And as unattractive as the ring is, it is custom work and he feels he earned the fee. From his perspective, he put the work in, and gave a beautifully finished product -- not his fault you don''t like it. (I am not saying I like the ring -- I think it''s ghastly).

I do think you have some good options to salvage the situation, though! Let''s try to think positive and figure out a way out of this mess!

Option One: If FI loves the design of the ring so much, can it be re-sized enough to be HIS wedding band?

Option Two: a) Take the diamond out. Save it to be set as a simple pendant either now or down the road.
b) Have another jeweler re-make the platinum into a band for your FI.
c) Then YOU start over. Use the wonderful resources on this board to find a gorgeous diamond from GOG, James Allen, WF, or Wink.
Believe me, all the experts will band together and hunt until they find you a sparkling stunner!
And truthfully, a gorgeous, certed diamond the size of the one in the ring your FI gave you won''t be too expensive!

If money is an issue now that FI is out $6K+ on the original ring, just get a simple but elegant setting for now! Then, down the road, you can get the setting of your dreams.

This situation IS salvageable! I suggest you DON''T go back to the original designer. I don''t see any good coming out of that. You are too upset about the ring, and the designer is not going to be able to accomodate either your taste or your wishes for a resolution. Walk away from that, and just move forward!

Keep us posted! Keep your chin up! There is a solution! We just have to help you find it!

 

[Scintillating]

Please talk to Bill Pearlman about consigning the ring.
(have the stone certed too, that should help.)
I mentioned it before, pscope members like butterfly__(Kayla), have had success with the Diamondtalk.com sale board.
You could try ebay too.
Craigslist in your town? (be careful with how you accept funds. I suggest paypal.)

Talk to your Fiance. What does he make of this?
Everything is going to be okay. You''re going to find a solution.

Scintillating...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/8/2006 7:27:01 PM
Author: ChooChoo
Actually, if you got the stone appraised and it turned out to be something VERY different from an E VS2 (like an H, say), you might be able to threaten the jeweler with fraud for misrepresenting the stone. So that $100 on the appraiser could be a good investment!

yep....and make sure the diamond is real.

 

[kaylagee]

just a note hoping that you get the ring you really want soon!

 

[valeria101]

Don't like the deal either... (option #1).

If the ring is good indication, the shop will probably not do pave, but it doesn't sound right that they could not source semi-finished settings from somewhere as anyone else does

If worse comes to worse, perhaps they would accept to make in return a piece of jewelry that you like and comes close to the value they assigned to this ring in the first place. I fully understand that with this move the overpricing comes right back to hit the seller, but... $1500 return for 6k doesn't sound great either - they must understand that.

When writing this, I am mostly thinking of an eternity band - the shop seems capable to set diamonds in prongs made by someone else, as it is the case with eternity bands. And they can source small, high quality, uncertified diamonds too - so the project should be well within their capabilities. They should not be loosing cash on this, well, maybe it isn't such a good proposition as making the ring was in the first place. The question remains... would you like such a ring at all? The diamond in the existing ring may be easier to resell loose (either by you or the jeweler) than set as is.
Just a random idea... from an eternity band fan. The prospect of a 2-3 cts shared prong band (6k sounds like that) feels rather appealing overall.

IMO, aside offering a bad return option - which is not quite so unusual for custom work...

,they don't seem to have been much in the wrong. For what it is, the ring was well made, and uncerified diamonds are sold all the time - it may not be the best option out there, but it isn't a fault. In fact, I hope they will try harder to meet your request - so some wishful thinking regarding their customer service must go with that.

 

[LuvThatBling]

If I were in your shoes, I think I''d take the diamond and put it into a new setting, assuming that you want the diamond after you had it appraised. Even beyond the official appraisal specs, I''d take a good look at it and decide if it is something that you would really enjoy in a new setting. Do you like the cut, clarity, color, and size? If you don''t want the diamond, and can suffer the financial loss, I would take option 1. I hope everything works out well for you!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/9/2006 4:33:27 AM
Author: LuvThatBling
If I were in your shoes, I think I''d take the diamond and put it into a new setting, assuming that you want the diamond after you had it appraised. Even beyond the official appraisal specs, I''d take a good look at it and decide if it is something that you would really enjoy in a new setting. Do you like the cut, clarity, color, and size? If you don''t want the diamond, and can suffer the financial loss, I would take option 1. I hope everything works out well for you!

i rather flush the ring down the toilet,then to take option #1. no way!!!

 

[blodthecat]

If I was a designer, making a custom piece for someone, I think I would stress that the item would not be returnable. Especially when the design was very 'different' and wouldn't fit with a normal wedding band. I would have asked your BF to take a little time, and maybe quiz you on what styles appeal to you. As the designer, it would be so important to me that my customer was over the moon with my work. Obviously, he didn't discuss any of this at length with your BF.

For the size of the stone (quality not established) your BF has definitely been taken for a ride!

However this ends up....your BF is going to lose money. But worse than that, you have been cheated of the wonderful experience of getting engaged and spending the following month constantly looking at the ring on your finger. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Part of me would have been furious that he had spent a great deal of money, without having the slightest idea as to what you might like

Whatever the fate of this ring...sort it out TOGETHER. He's made a mistake...but putting it right is all that matters now.

Sending you lots of hugs....and please keep us posted on how this turned out.

Best wishes Blod

 

[lumpkin]

I have to agree with Blod. And I must say that I''m surprised you are the one being left to handle this with the designer. Your fiance is the one who designed the ring, why isn''t he taking care of this? I am shocked that he had so much input and that he spent this much money on such a unusual design without making sure that A) it would be something you would like and B) that he could return it if you didn''t and C) that he was not totally over paying for it. I really had the impression that he simply got in over his head without being able to get out. Seems that''s not the case.

On the other hand, maybe $6000 is not a significant sum in your fiance''s circumstances. If that''s the case, the solution is pretty simple. Have him wear the ring. He loves it, he designed it, let him wear it. Have him take you shopping and go pick something out together that you will love and enjoy wearing.

I don''t mean to be overly direct but really think this is important -- you should not be the one cleaning up this mess. This is not something you need to be agonizing over and I''m feeling quite indignant on your behalf.

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 2/9/2006 7:04:57 AM
Author: lumpkin
I have to agree with Blod. And I must say that I''m surprised you are the one being left to handle this with the designer. Your fiance is the one who designed the ring, why isn''t he taking care of this? I am shocked that he had so much input and that he spent this much money on such a unusual design without making sure that A) it would be something you would like and B) that he could return it if you didn''t and C) that he was not totally over paying for it. I really had the impression that he simply got in over his head without being able to get out. Seems that''s not the case.

On the other hand, maybe $6000 is not a significant sum in your fiance''s circumstances. If that''s the case, the solution is pretty simple. Have him wear the ring. He loves it, he designed it, let him wear it. Have him take you shopping and go pick something out together that you will love and enjoy wearing.

I don''t mean to be overly direct but really think this is important -- you should not be the one cleaning up this mess. This is not something you need to be agonizing over and I''m feeling quite indignant on your behalf.

well said

 

[BrownEyes]

Selma:

I just noticed that Bill Pearlman from Pearlman''s Jewelers posted in response to this thread - I believe on page 3.

Perhaps you should contact him directly as suggested above, not just about consigning your custom e-ring, but as a starting point to locate your dream ring. If finances are an issue given the $$ already spent, perhaps Bill can keep his eye out for a beautiful, quality ring that suits your taste and is available for a reasonable price???

I really hope this helps you out ... We are all rooting for you, here on PriceScope!

BrownEyes

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, I think the FI knows that the designer sure isn''t going to do him any favors. The sweet young woman who is hoping for her dream ring would likely get farther with some sort of compromise. However, that apparently isn''t going to work.

I agree with everyone who says there are almost never refunds on custom work. This definitely is the BF''s fault for not asking her for some specific pictures of what she likes and also not educating himself as to what a ring should cost! That setting probably isn''t worth more than $1500 and the diamond...what? maybe $1500? So basically he paid twice as much as he should have on a terrible design (for a girl) and uncertified diamond. Uncertified diamonds are common. But $6000???? I think he just didn''t price any half carat diamond rings before he got into this.

I''d try to keep the diamond and get them or someone to remake the ring into a w-band for your husband. Then sell that diamond or put it into a pendant. Start from scratch on your diamond and setting. There''s no way Pearlman''s would be able to sell that ring for anything near what it cost. How much would any of you pay for it?

 

[partgypsy]

I hope any guy thinking of proposing soon will see this as a lesson learned, to either involve the lady in the process so you truly know what she likes, or make it your responsibility you get it from a vendor even in writing, that the piece can be returned or exchanged.

 

[Odilia]

Ditto to what Blod, windowshopper, kaylagee, lumpkin, and especially part gypsy said! And I hope it''s not bad of me, but I laughed when I read, "i rather flush the ring down the toilet" by dancing fire, and I wouldn''t blame selma for doing just that.

(This has more to do with the "would you want a previous fiancee''s ring" than this, but that toilet comment reminded me: my brother''s coworker said he gave a previous fiancee''s ring to his (now) wife, and she could tell it looked used. (I guess he proposed on a boat.) When she realized it was a previous fiancee''s ring, she tossed it into the Atlantic Ocean. And hey, they''re married now. Oh well, probably too late to do that with this ring....)

In any case, selma, I truly do feel for you and hope very much that you wind up getting the ring of your dreams after all this!!!!

 

[SparkleAngel]

Selma, Would your fiance be responsive to joing us on this thread? I would like to hear from him and what he thinks should be done and how we can help you BOTH out of this unfortunate situation. With his direct input, it might be so much easier to find a great solution.

 

[ChooChoo]

I agree, Sparkle! It would also be great to have him explain, well, what he was thinking?!

 

[Hest88]

This is a difficult situation but I can''t fault the designer for not wanting his custom ring design destroyed, especially two months after the sale. I do agree you should see if you can sell it on consignment to recoup some of the money.

 

[BrownEyes]

In my posts above, I didn''t mean to suggest that Pearlman''s could get even close to what Selma''s FI paid for the ring (or if they would even agree to take it - - it was just a suggestion) ... I agree, Selma''s poor FI seems to have paid WAY too much for the ring.

I just thought Selma might recoup SOMETHING for the ring on consignment, since it does appear to have some value, and it might be appealing to someone. $6,200 is a lot to lose ...

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hey Selma - I pretty much agree with most of the advice that has already been given, especially in regards to getting it appraised, contacting the BBB, and exploring options for selling the ring to recoup the costs somewhat.

Let me also say that I feel for you and how upsetting this is, but I think that standing up for yourself with this designer will make you feel better. What happened between him and your FI that your FI ended up overpaying so much is hard to know, but the way he is treating you seems like an insult and I think it''s entirely reasonable for you to take it as one. Threatening the BBB will help, also putting out the word on your bad experience - especially if its a small shop, they will rely on word-of-mouth and good customer feedback, and won''t want you telling people about your poor customer service experience. In retail the customer always has power, you just have to exercise it to the best of your ability - I know it might feel like you are being aggressive and mean, but in the end this is a way bigger deal for you to try to fix than it would be in the long run for the designer to try to accommodate your (entirely reasonable) concerns.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult situation and encourage you to try not to get too down - remember that your FI loves you, even though he made a mistake, and you love him and are going to be married, and try to keep reminding yourself that in 20 years you will be able to look back on this and laugh - it will make a wonderful story to tell your children if you have them.