Unusual e-ring - Need advice, please!

[larussel03]

Hey there!

First off, congratulations on the engagement!!

To address your concern--maybe you can get a traditional setting and re-set your diamond into it as your e-ring, then get a sapphire for the ring your fiance had hand crafted and wear it as a right hand ring? Just a thought, so that he wouldnt feel like he made this ring that you''ll never wear.

 

[selma]

Thanks so much to everyone!! Sorry I didn’t post earlier, I had a bit of an accident this weekend – I was rushing around at home, getting ready to go out, and I bumped my foot really hard into a piece of furniture - so hard that I broke a bone in my foot – so now I’m hobbling around on crutches…

I have read and re-read each of your posts so many times!!! Thank you so much for the advice and the support – especially to those who have been in similar situations.

I took a deep breath and decided that I HAD to say something to him about the ring. I’ve been so unhappy about it, and I finally acknowledged that despite the sentimental value of the ring, I will never grow to love it.

So, last night, I talked to him about it. I have to admit that although I had planned to be very calm during the discussion, when I actually started talking to him about it, all the emotion of the past month and a half came to the surface and I cried.

I think he was surprised how upset I was and how much the ring matters to me. His reaction was, basically, “If you don’t like it, change it”. He said that he is not at all sentimental about the ring. I guess that to him, the ring just doesn’t carry all the emotion that it does to me, so I don''t think he quite understands why I feel the way I do and why this has been so hard for me. He said just wants to me to have something I like.

I asked him to tell me a little more about how he decided on the ring – how involved was he in the design? He said that he had lots of input – the designer gave him books to page though and he pointed out what he liked as a starting point, and they went from there. The designer did mention to him that I would not be able to wear a traditional wedding band with the ring, but he thought it wouldn’t matter. He did say that he loves the design of the ring, but that he had started to suspect that I might not feel the same way about it.

It was a hard conversation for me to have, but I’m glad we talked about it. Thanks to everyone who encouraged and supported me!

I think that as a first step I will contact the designer and see what the options are. (I asked my FI if he had enquired about the options when he was having it made, but he said that he didn’t ask about that at all.)

I’ll let you all know how it goes and what the designer says. Thanks again!

 

[widget]

Oh, Selma! Sorry about your foot...but I''m SO GLAD you talked to him and now it''s all out in the open!!!

You must feel a thousand times lighter!

Thanks for checking in, and keep us posted on what you decide to do about the ring.

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[BrownEyes]

Selma:

I can honestly say that I'm breathing a HUGE sigh of relief along with you ... I'm so glad to know (A) that you talked to your FI, and (B) that it apparently went well. I'm not surprised about all of the pent-up emotion you felt - can you imagine if you had waited years to say anything, or even worse, if you had NEVER spoken-up about it?

I hope you will keep us posted about your search for your 'dream ring' - Given that your tastes don't run to the angular or modern, and since your FI apparently just wants you to be happy, I suspect the best case scenario might for the designer to take your ring back on consignment, so that you can start-out fresh with a different jeweler (or better yet - with an on-line vendor such as WhiteFlash or Good Old Gold)!

Best of luck to you! I'm so glad to have helped in even a small way.

BrownEyes

 

[anchor31]

Oh, I''m so sorry about your foot... I hope it gets better soon!!

I followed your story and I''m glad you talked to him. I can imagine how hard it must have been to tell him! I''m impressed with his reaction too, he took it very well. Good luck with finding your dream ring!! I''m picking out my own ring too, and I think it''s a wonderful thing to do and share with the man you love.

Congrats on your engagement!

 

[mrssalvo]

i''m so sorry you hurt your foot but I too am so very glad you talked to him. Please keep us posted on how it goes with the jeweler and we''ll be more than happy to help you with idea''s for your new setting

 

[portoar]

Selma, so relieved that you talked this over with your bf. That must be a huge weight off your shoulders. I agree, your best option might be to just ask the designer to put the ring on consignment for you and start fresh. Now that we know you will be able to choose something you like, please keep us posted on your search and let us know what you finally choose.

 

[glitterata]

Yay! He sounds like a dreamboat--and the pair of you sound like an excellent, loving, understanding couple.

I hope your foot heals well and quickly and you get the ring of your dreams as well as the man of your dreams.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Sorry about your foot. Sounds painful! You must feel SOOO much better that you talked to him. I am glad to hear he was so supportive. I am sure he just wants you happy.

Now the real fun begins!

 

[mepearl53]

This is a situation I have seen over and over again for years. The man goes out in search of the perfect ring for the perfect love of his life. Some are able to pick the perfect ring most fail and the woman is put into the situation that Ms S is in. It is not the way either would want to start the martial process. Some people say it''s the thought that counts. Some pretend to love it and it becomes a point of disappointment for the woman. Being a man I can relate to the situation with the males. Most are fish out of water when it comes to this area of design. How can a designer ever hope to know someones taste that they have never met? Nearly impossible!

Should be a good lesson for the future brides visiting this forum. From the male point of view I don''t think we are offended if suggestions happen ahead of time. I believe most women know that the question will be popped sooner or later. I don''t think a male would find it out of line if you just came out, in a special way (this I don''t understand but my wife is very good at it and said, "If you are ever planning to get me a ring this is what I would love" And I would highly suggest, if possible, that you go shopping together. If you do this you should have the trail mapped out well for most men can only take 3 stores and they become totally confused. Tear out pictures from fashion magazines and leave them in places he will see is also effective so he gets the hint. Refrigerator doors are excellent advertising boards also for men like to eat. Having wish list at stores or websites also is good. If your personality is strong just come out and say " if you were ever to get me a ring THIS is my dream ring that I would love forever. (We know forever is probably 5 years until shrinkage sets in and a larger diamond is needed Good luck Ms S

 

[Patty]

Whew! I''m so glad that you talked to him and I''m thrilled that he took it so well! Maybe the crying was good, lol. He saw how important it is to you to have a ring that you love and that you felt so bad about not liking what he had chosen.

Good luck in picking out a ring that you will LOVE for a long time!

 

[AndyRosse]

Selma, I am so glad everything went okay! Although I''m sorry to hear about your foot!

Please let us know what the designer says, etc. I''m very interested to know what the next step will be

 

[Kaleigh]

I am so sorry about your foot too, ouch!! But am thrilled to hear that you had a good talk about your ring with your FI. Now you can get something that YOU love and will be happy with. That''s great. Let us know how it goes and good luck!!!

 

[windowshopper]

as the cynic of the group i will not feel better for you (re the ring) unless the designer is cooperative (though i am happy that you had a meeting of the minds with your fiance)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Whew! I am so glad to hear you were able to tell him and that he took it as well as could be hoped!

I think we should take up a collection and send that designer a subscription to a bridal magazine so he can get a clue as to what e-rings are SUPPOSED to look like!!!

It would be a wonderful miracle if the designer would remake the ring altogether, but if not, the right hand ring idea is a great solution! Please let us know what happens, and do post what you hope to get as your REAL e-ring setting!

 

[Jelly]

Selma,

Good for you for talking to your Fiance about the ring! I''m relieved that he is willing to change it and now it''s time to get creative and search for your dream ring!

 

[lumpkin]

Oh, YAY! I am so glad it went well. I am so happy for you that he was not offended. I hope the designer will work with you as well.

Hope your foot heals quickly! It actually may have helped you get a little sympathy from your fiance, LOL! This will all become part of the rich tapestry of your history and marriage, and later on the two of you will laugh about all of this.

We are all going to be watching for updates, so please let us in on the process!

 

[Dee Jay]

Selma - What a relief! I''ve been following this this thread to see what would happen and I''m so glad things are working out so that you can move on to a ring that you like. Please keep us updated and post pics when you get your new design.

P.S. - You might want to work out a deal with your fiance that he only buys you jewelry in the future that you''ve had some input in. Wouldn''t want you to go through something like this (although on a smaller scale) every time your birthday or a major anniversary rolls around. Almost every year for Christmas I scout out some piece of jewelry that I want, my husband actually buys it (but without the stress of having to pick it), and then on Christmas morning we''re both happy!

P.P.S. - So sorry to hear about your foot!!!

 

[selma]

Yesterday I spoke with the designer and explained that the ring was not my style in terms of what I would like in an enagagement ring and also that it was far too big for me. I was very diplomatic in my approach. I just heard back from the designer and I am in tears. Please, please let me know what you think.

Basically, they told me that were not willing to take back the ring as a return or a consignment, as it was custom work. The diamond is also not returnable to the original vendor. I told them what sort of setting I would ideally prefer (delicate band, some sort of halo around the diamond, basically something more traditional and feminine) but they said that they were not able execute it as they did only very simple settings in a certain style.

This is what they offered to do:

Option 1
They will take the ring back in exchange for making two platinum wedding bands for us - a simple men''s wedding band in platinum (5mm wide, 1.75mm thick, flat surface, size 10) and a simple woman''s band in platinum (3mm wide, 2mm thick, curved surface, size 5). There will also be an additional credit of just $100 available if we wanted to use it towards embellishing the bands. And THAT’S IT! So basically we give them the e-ring back, including the diamond, and in exchange we get two plain platinum bands and an $100 credit. I think this is crazy, don’t you think so? I looked at platinum wedding bands on the internet (Signed Pieces, which I have seen recommended around here) and they offer the exact same platinum bands for $730 for the men’s and $324 for the women’s. So this seems crazy to me given what the original cost of the ring was!

Option 2
The designer also said that as another option, they can put the diamond into a simple prong setting for me (they didn’t say how much they would charge for this or whether there would be any credit for the platinum in the existing ring). They told me that the diamond is not certified in any way (I asked about GIA or EGL, etc) but that it is from a reputable dealer. They offered that they could obtain a certification for me for an additional $50. I didn’t know how to react to that - what do you all think about this? They also told me that we could change/ upgrade the diamond if we decided to have them re-set it into the simple prong setting, but we could not deal directly with the company that they had sourced the diamond from as they do not deal with the public. They will not take the diamond back. If we decide not to have the designer re-set it, then we cannot change or upgrade the diamond.

I am in tears over this - please, please give me any advice on how to approach this. I will wait until I hear from you to reply to the designer and I also need to take a deep breath myself. I have had so many tears over this that I am just not sure if I want this designer to make an engagement ring or a wedding ring that will mean so much to me. Since my fiance has said that he is not sentimental about the ring at all, I am at the point where I just want to start over rather than try to modify the e-ring or wear it as a RHR, as I just don''t feel good about it. I am shaking right now. I''m sorry for being so emotional - it''s only that I have just heard back from the designer so it is all just so fresh. I''ll take a deep breath now and wait for your replies and advice. Thank you so much!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Selma, I am very sorry. I will defer to the experts in the business as I have no clue what you should do. His offer seems far from fair. I''m sure you will get lots of good ideas about how to handle this situation. HUGS!!!

 

[Caribou]

I''m so sorry selma. I don''t have any advice for you. That really sucks.

 

[Jelly]

I have a feeling the designer was offended that you didn''t like their ring. It hardly seems worth it to melt the platinum to make the bands when your fiance spent 6K on this custom design.

Others have suggested wearing it as a RHR and replacing the diamond with a sapphire or colored stone.

My vote would be to go with option #2 and keep the ring intact.

If they are a big name designer, maybe you could sell it and get back some of the money.

Would you be willing to share the name of this designer? I''m curious to look at his/her other works.

 

[FireGoddess]

I definitely think an expert needs to chime in here, but what I will say is that Option 1 is absolutely, positively NOT acceptable. What can be done with Option 2 may be another story, but to return your current ring with diamond and only get 2 plat bands back is ridiculous.

I can completely understand you not wanting this jeweler to make ANYthing for you. The question is, how can you extract yourself from this transaction and lose as little as possible? I''m hoping an expert will have a good answer.

 

[pebbles]

Geez! That stinks!

If it were me, I would probably not want to deal with this designer/jeweler any more and just have someone else take the diamond out of the setting, keep the eyeball setting and have a gemstone put in it, and start from scratch elsewhere.

Before you contact the designer, does your fiance have any receipts? Is there anything on there about returns? I understand most custom settings are not refundable but I can''t believe they aren''t giving you some sort of deal? Two platinum bands for a $6K ring is an insult.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Option 1 sounds like a rip-off! Don''t do it!!

The fact that the diamond didn''t have a certificate really worries me as well. I would get that baby checked out and appraised ASAP. After what they charged for the whole ring, the options they are giving you, etc., I would be very suspicious.

I''m so sad for you AND your fiance to be in this situation. I''m sure he feels terrible about everything. I just really wished he had researched more before purchasing this ring. It sounds to me like he got taken....

Hope your foot is feeling better and keep us updated!

 

[Dee Jay]

Did they give your fiance ANY sort of specs on the diamond? Maybe if the diamond turns to be substantially different than how it was represented you could get SOME sort of refund on the stone? (I''m not wishing a vastly different diamond reality on you than any representation, but just trying to think of a way to get some $ back.) Also, I wouldn''t let them provide a "certificate" on the stone, I would take it to an independent appraiser.

And Option #1 is simply ridiculous. Don''t even consider it for a second.

This scenario is just terrible and I really fell for you. Yuck!!!

Hope your foot is getting better, by the way.

 

[WTNLVR]

Sorry to hear you''re having such a hard time with this. I don''t think there is anyway to salvage your relationship with this designer. I wouldn''t have anymore dealings with them. I''d find another designer, have them use your diamond to create the ring you really want. You could try selling the setting on e-bay or find another jeweler that takes consignments. The only other option is to set it with a colored stone and wear it as a RHR. I think it would make a cool RHR.

 

[mrssalvo]

i would check the receipt for any return info. if there is nothing there you can do I''d find another jeweler to remove the stone and pick a setting you like. See if they will consign the old setting. You also might find a jeweler who will give you a credit for the setting towards the new setting. honestly, Your fiance will probably lose some $ but being able to recoupe something more the the insulting 1st offer would be great. The first jeweler has to go down as to having some very poor customer service in my book. I understand that most custom projects are not refundable but under the circumstances, that you had no knowledge of a ring you are supposed to wear for the rest of your life, you''d think they would be a little more co-operative. Which state do you live in? There very well may be a highly regarded PS vendor nearby who''d be more than willing to help. Also, please try and not be upset. There is hope for you, it''s just finding out who it''s going to be

 

[ChooChoo]

Selma,

First of all, I''m so sorry that you''re stuck in this situation. This is exactly why I''m so happy that I was involved in the selection of my ring - I think a lot of people believe that, if a man loves you, he''ll know what you like in jewelry, but that''s complete nonsense - people don''t become mindreaders after being with someone! It goes the other way, too - I love my fiance, but I would NEVER buy him a piece of jewelry (say, a wedding band) without making sure he loves it first. He actually really surprised me by picking out a ring for himself which I love, but which is much more modern and edgy than I would have thought he''d like (he''s pretty traditional).

Second, I''m really shocked at the way this designer is treating its customers. I understand why they won''t take the custom-made platinum setting back, but not taking back the diamond is just plain bad service - there is no reason why they can''t resell it. Considering how much they ripped you off on the ring in the first place, I don''t understand why they won''t take the whole thing back minus some sort of "restocking" fee to cover their labor. I would definitely publicize how disreputable they are, and make sure that they know that you''re doing it. The Knot''s local board for your area is a great place to start - there are a lot of girls on there who will notice a bad review and spread the word. Also, how long has it been since your fiance''s paid for the ring? You might be able to argue that, under your local laws, the buyer has some time to return a purchase, as long as he covers the seller''s losses from resale.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I wish I could give you a hug!

I agree with the others...this guy must be some kind of royal jerk, to put it nicely. I would have felt better about him if he had said no deal period than to offer #1. What an idiot! I would call him back and very calmly tell him that his options are totally unacceptable and that you will seek other rings elsewhere after you call the better business bureau.

I can understand your wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. I think you should take the diamond out and set it in a pendant or sell it for whatever you can get. Have someone else make a wedding ring for your FIANCE out of that platinum, and start OVER for your ring! You could have a beautiful 1 ct. certified stone for what he paid for that thing. I am sorry to say, I just don''t think the ring will sell. Hopefully your fiance will learn an important lesson from this...never, ever spend that kind of money ( or any amount) on a gift for you unless you have specifically approved it in advance. But I am like you...after this experience I would want nothing to do with that ring for myself, not even a RHR.