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The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

ladyciel

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Mar 24, 2007
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Laila619 said:
I went through the same thing back when I was dealing with infertility. I'm really sorry.

Maybe you could say something like, "Oh, that's such a personal question! I don't like to discuss my private life" or something like that. People are so inappropriate sometimes.
Thanks, Laila. I wish I could use this kind of line with these folks, but I think with my personality and general level of openness, I might as well just tell them since they'd be able to figure out the truth pretty quickly (that I was upset and deflecting). Me saying something was too personal, or I don't like to discuss my private life, would be akin to me saying I think the earth is flat. It just wouldn't sound right coming out of my mouth. This kind of line would be great for strangers, though!

Different question - for those of you who have dealt with this while working full time, how open have you been with your boss/co-workers about the reason you're having to repeatedly take time out of work for appointments/tests/procedures? So far I've managed to schedule things outside of my work hours or on days I won't be missed much, but depending on the route things take I can see it getting more difficult to keep under the radar. I think my boss would be understanding if I was vague about it (medical stuff...don't worry, I'm not dying), but he's also the type that would be genuinely concerned and wanting to help if he could. He'd also be sympathetic if I told him the truth, but I don't want a cloud hanging over everything with him wondering if/when I might get pregnant and need to take maternity leave.
 

Loves Vintage

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ladyciel - Everyone is different for sure. For some reason, I was really able to laugh off some of the work questions I received about having kids. Thinking about it now, I realize it's because the questions were always sort of joke-y, like asked in a really light-hearted sort of way, almost like the person knew how inappropriate it was, but still asked. If people genuinely asked in a straight-forward way, I would probably just say, you know, that's a really sensitive topic for me right now, and then I think most people would get the hint to stop asking. In a way, you are telling them you are having a hard time, but without disclosing details. For my second, I think people just gave up on asking because so much time had passed!

As far as appointments, I never told work. I was always able to go for monitoring appointments and iuis before work. Whenever I had a simple procedure done, like testing, it was just an appointment. When I had IVF, I told my boss that I would have a procedure, that I wouldn't know scheduling until a few days in advance, and sort of like you said, nothing to worry about medically. It's tricky because you don't always know the timing in advance. Otherwise, I would have just taken a few vacation days and not disclosed at all.

I wish you lots of luck LC. It's so hard when you are in it, the constant wondering when it will finally happen. I really hope you get your BFP soon!
 

aviastar

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With strangers, I just said, nope! No kids! And changed the subject.

But with the middle ground people, like more than work acquaintances, but not close friends, I went with some variation of ' whenever God/the universe sees fit!' It's a little more open, but doesn't get into how much intervention you're in the middle of, it's more positive than I was feeling most of the time, but it's not a dishonest upbeat answer either. It worked for me.
 

monkeyprincess

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Ladyciel, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this has been a struggle. I'm still hoping you will get pregnant soon with minimal intervention, but the not knowing how and when or what the hold up is is so frustrating. Hang in there! I was fortunate not to get the intrusive questions too often, and I was always very vague about our struggle and about my appointments. I just wasn't comfortable sharing with anyone other than close friends and family. It just felt too personal to discuss with anyone at work, but overall, I'd say you should trust their gut and do what feels right for you and your situation.
 

ladyciel

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Thanks, ladies, I really appreciate your replies. Thinking back, I think I've used "no, but we hope to" a couple times, which seems like it could be a good middle ground and worth using more. I think what makes it hard at work is it's usually in the middle of somebody telling me about THEIR kids. It's like they ask if we have kids as a way to check if their story is falling on the ears of a fellow parent - another member of "the club" who can fully appreciate the story and maybe share one of their own. I hate saying "no", because in that scenario it really highlights that I'm not in the club. It ignores how badly I want to be, all my good intention. It can leave the impression I don't want kids, or don't like them, or can't possibly relate to their story or love for their child.

Monkeyprincess and LV, you're so right - the not knowing if/when, what is going on, how far we might have to go, if even that will be enough, or if we've just had awful luck and nothing is "wrong" - is so, so, frustrating. We haven't hit a year yet, but we've got 9 months of confirmed ovulation with good timing. At least 7 of them I'd call great timing. Lots of EWCM, but also lots of spotting before AF. Progresterone helped 1 month, not at all the next, this month seems like it's helping again (but today is 12dpo and BFN frer). At least it looks like my cycle has finally played nice and I won't have to reschedule my US again. They want to do it just after AF before my lining thickens so they can better see any abnormalities, polyps, fibroids, etc. We decided to do it 3 cycles ago, but first the timing conflicted with my travel schedule and the US techs' schedules, then for the second cycle I ovulated way off my normal and they couldn't reschedule it in time, so thankfully it seems we'll finally be able to do it this 3rd attempt. Is it awful that I'm hoping for something obvious and easy to fix, like a big old polyp blocking everything up that can be removed without much trouble? Physical things seem so much less daunting to me right now than poor egg quality or low ovarian reserve or them finding nothing and it being "unexplained".

ETA: My 34th birthday is sneaking up (Nov), and I think that is weighing on me more and more the closer it gets. Also, my SIL is due with #2 around the same time (big brother turned 1 in March) and one of my best friends is due the first week of Dec (she's older than me and got preg within 3 months of trying). So, I'm really afraid that my birthday present this year is going to be another BFN and two babies I should love yet can't help but be horribly jealous of. :(
 

JGator

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Hi, Lady, I think you definitely have age on your side from someeone who is much older. It's great that you are going for testing as you will know if there are any issues that have held you back so far. I bet timing/travel is one of them for sure as someone whose DH travelled a lot. I fielded those questions for years. I usually just said "not yet" and/or "no, but I have nieces/nephews" on the relatable front. I would not share anything with work on your treatment. You can go to monitoring appts early before work so no one will know and other appts, just say you have a doctor/dentist appt. They really should not press you for details. Good luck to you. I know this is hard, but you will get there. Just take it one day at a time.
 

baby monster

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Hi LC, hang in there! You still have time to get a BFP by your bday. Hopefully testing will give you some helpful answers and let you know how to go forward. As far as coworkers go, almost everyone I work with has multiple children so these questions come up. Most of the time people just want to relate on a personal level so they don't understand how much these questions hurt. Sometimes, they've been through infertility themselves and want to help in some way. How much to share obviously depends on your relationship with coworkers and is such a case-by-case thing. But I actually recently connected 2 of my coworkers who have confided in me - a younger woman just starting to consider her option and an older woman who has had 2 kids through IVF. You never know where support can come from.
 

ladyciel

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Thanks, ladies. I really appreciate all your support. JGator - thanks, I needed the reminder that I'm not "that" old in the grand scheme of things, and while having trouble at any age is certainly far from ideal, we still should have time on our side if we're in this struggle for a long haul. BabyM - I think that's exactly it - people want to relate on a personal level, but they just don't expect/realize that maybe it's a painful topic for the person in front of them. I'm fully guilty of it, too. Gosh, I can think of a time just in the past few weeks that I was guilty of asking somebody if they had kids. To be fair, I only asked because I had a hint of a memory of them mentioning a son in passing (and it turned out I was right), but I really don't blame people for asking. I think the only time I'd really be upset with the person directly would be if they were rude/insensitive enough to make a comment about "better hurry up - you aren't getting any younger" or something like that. Thankfully, knock on wood, I haven't had that happen (though there have been a couple of facial expressions reflecting internal dialogue moving in that direction).

Today's frustration is the fact that AF took her sweet sweet time starting after my last progesterone dose, and now I'll more likely than not still be on AF come Wed morning when my sonohysterogram is scheduled. The scheduling nurse said if I was at the end of my period they could possibly still do it, though it wouldn't be ideal. This is the 3rd cycle attempting to schedule this, so I don't have much hope that if I call tomorrow morning they'll be able to push it back a couple of days. The last couple of cycles, AF broke through the progesterone and started immediately after I stopped. This time, after a BFN on 14dpo and spotting starting 13dpo, I skipped the last dose to give AF extra time to show up and be done by Wed. So, my last dose was Thurs night, and she didn't show until midday today (Sun). It's like the world/AF is wagging a giant middle finger in my face. :wall:
 

GliderPoss

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Hey everyone, just checking in to say hi! :wavey: Hope everyone is well. It's taken a few weeks after the M/C but I'm starting to feel back to my normal self again. It's been a month and no period yet :confused: but I was suprised to discover I ovulated over the weekend and we just happened to DTD a few times so fingers crossed for me! :naughty: Looking forward to testing in a few weeks. A few people have told me that strangely they also got pregnant immediately after a M/C so hopefully this will be the case for me too. :pray:
 

ladyciel

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Hi HP! Fingers crossed for you!

I'm sitting in the waiting room for my scan. By some miracle, or maybe from working out a lot this weekend to try and speed things up, AF finished last night. Might be the first time on record my uterus cooperated with me on something. Definitely nervous about what they might/might not find. Hope they don't take my BP, it is through the roof atm...
 

ladyciel

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Well, I'm back, but we're officially back to TTA until after I have surgery + however much recovery time it takes until the docs clear me to try again. :(sad Also, just realized how much I wrote - please forgive the novel.

The US this morning showed two large fibroids sandwiching my tilted uterus front and back, and the sonohysterogram showed something small inside the uterine cavity (possibly a polyp or another fibroid, but could just be a blood clot - they couldn't tell for sure). There's no way to know if any of these things are actually affecting my fertility, but the exterior fibroids are located in such a way, and of large enough size (one is 4-5cm, the other 6cm), that my doc fears if I did get pregnant it would be very bad news for me/baby. A tilted uterus needs to be able to straighten up as the baby grows, and the fibroids (which would only grow faster in pregnancy) are placed in a way that they would likely prevent this and cause uterine incarceration (meaning it gets trapped low in the pelvis and can't move up/out). She and the US tech were shocked I'm not already having bladder problems from the bigger fibroid in front. I'm realizing some of the pain I've had around my periods, which I chalked up to being constipated + bloated/crampy, might actually be from the fibroid in back, which is sandwiched between my descending colon and uterus.

Even if we weren't TTC, she said these things need to come out for all the other issues they're likely to be causing/cause as they continue to grow. She's hopeful she might be able to complete the removal laparoscopically, but she can't say for sure until she's in there and can see exactly what she's dealing with. If she can't, and she has to do the full laparotomy (with a c-section type incision), then it goes from 1-2wk recovery to 4-6weeks. I didn't even bother to ask how long after surgery we might be able to TTC, because until she gets in there and sees what she's dealing with I don't think she can give me a real answer. While I'm under she'll also do the hysteroscopy to check out and hopefuly remove the small interior mass, and she'll also check my tubes.


Sooooo, yeah, I got more than I bargained for, but I'm obviously glad I went and got checked. I think my doc was incredibly relieved we caught it now vs me showing up pregnant with these fibroids where they are. The look on her face was pretty telling, like she didn't want to go into detail on how grim it might have been but wanted me to have some understanding that it would have been bad so I could feel an upside to me coming in looking for help TTC and being told I need surgery. I looked it up, and very very few incarcerated uterus pregnancies ever reach full term.

I'm trying to see the brightside the best I can. The positives from today are 1) at least I didn't get pregnant only to have horrible complications, 2) there's a possibility the interior mass is what is causing my spotting issues and lack of BFP (though she said it could also just be a blood clot not yet cleared after AF...it wasn't showing clearly enough to be sure), 3) they said my ovaries look normal, and 4) since she'll check my tubes in surgery, I can be pretty sure I won't need an HSG down the road.

For all my worrying about how to handle TTC news/appts down the line, I talked to my boss about needing the surgery as soon as I got back to work after my appt. The approach of keeping it vague ("abdominal surgery") went out the window by the end of the convo, though. I assured him it's nothing that's going to kill me, but docs want it taken care of sooner rather than later. A few minutes later, I said that how long I'd be out depended on whether they could reach everything they needed to laparoscopically or not - no way to know until they got inside, so I'm afraid I can't give him/anybody firm answers on my recovery until after it's done. Well, he immediately asked, very sincerely/kindly, if it was endometriosis. Apparently his wife has it badly and has had surgery, so this was sounding very familiar. It surprisingly didn't feel invasive or weird when he asked, so I answered honestly and told him no, not endo as far as I know (though it could be an extra surprise on surgery day), but big fibroids in bad places. It was about as not-weird as that kind of conversation can be, so I'm yet again assured that I have an amazing boss. He's encouraging me to skip a conference I'm booked for in Nov, if there is an opportunity to book the surgery for Oct. I was hesitant to even consider the idea, since I do want to go to the conference, but he was pushing for me to seriously consider it if it's an option, if getting it done sooner would be better in any way for me. So, he's definitely caring, more concerned about my well-being/happiness than anything work related, and not at all going to give me issues even if this TTC thing gets more complicated after all this fibroid mess is sorted out.

Finally, a note of warning - tilited uterus = seriously no fun sonohysterogram. She had to use a clamp thing to coax my cervix into a workable position to insert the catheter. Let's just say that feels about as good as it sounds and leave it at that. :sick:
 

hippi_pixi

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At least this is progress! It's lucky you didn't get pregnant straight away and find out about these fibroids when they started harming you and your baby. Even if they are not the cause of the problems, they'll be able to have a good look around while they are in there.

It's always better to have some answers than to just have no idea
 

baby monster

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Hugs LC. This is a lot of issues to deal with but I'm glad you're looking on the bright side for all the reasons you listed. Your boss sounds very understanding so I'd go with his suggestion and get the procedure scheduled asap. The fibroids aren't going to get resolved on their own so best to fix right away and skip the conference this year.
 

random_thought

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Jul 5, 2010
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Just popping in to see if anyone is around. Sort of started trying again this month and of course, BFN. And of course, I feel like complete $%&# :(( That's all.
 

ladyciel

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Hi RT. I'm sort of here, but won't be actually TTC for a while now. See post above - I need to have a myomectomy and hysteroscopy before doc wants us trying any more. Surgery is scheduled for Nov 16. I wish it was next week so I could just get it over with.
 

Bella_mezzo

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I am still in the game, just not posting often and not DTD often either:( Work is super busy for me and DH has a lot going on as well with starting a new job and applying to med school...plus, until this weekend our 20 month old was sleeping in our room.

He is moved into big brother's room, DH's new job should be straightened out this week, I have an appt with a new OBGYN in Nov to have my annual visit and ask for a Clomid prescription since that's what worked for us before, and hopefully we will welcome a new little one in 2016...but, who knows what will happen on this crazy journey!
 

random_thought

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Stoppin in to say hi everyone! I noticed a lot of us aren't dtd very often, maybe we should hold a contest next month to see who can get it in the most lol!!

We skipped this month because we're in the middle of moving but will start up in November once we're all settled in :wacko:
 

monkeyprincess

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Just wanted to say I am thinking of you ladies, and I am always hoping I'll read good news from this thread.

Anyone have contact with LC? She seems to have disappeared. I hope she is doing okay and finally got good news after having a couple losses.

SB, same to you. I hope you finally got good news.

Lady C, good to have some answers, but I'm really sorry to hear what you're dealing with. Glad you sought help.

Random and Bella, best wishes as always!
 

royalasscherlover

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MP, I came to PS today to get some diamond info for a friend who is soon to be engaged, and decided to quickly check this thread. Thanks for thinking of me - unfortunately I have not much good news, just continued disappointment. We have spent all of 2015 trying to get my lining to cooperate for a transfer without success. We're currently in the middle of trying our very last option, which isn't going quite as we expected (nothing ever does), so I'm not sure whether we'll be able to transfer or not. If this cycle doesn't work out, we're moving on to a gestational carrier or adoption, even though the thought of having to figure out a whole new process sounds daunting. I'm depressed, frustrated, and so, so tired of this whole process. Working so hard to not even get a chance with a transfer has been incredibly difficult and feels a lot like :wall:. Anyway, I am appreciative of your continued thoughts and prayers, I need all the help I can get.


rt and bella, good luck to you.
lc, I hope your surgery goes smoothly and is the ticket to success after your recovery.
 

ladyciel

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SB, I'm sorry to hear the road has continued to be so bumpy. Hang in there the best you can, and have a good cry when you need it. Thanks for the good wishes for surgery and after.

RT, I'll take you up on your DTD contest just as soon as I'm cleared to BD again!

Countdown to surgery is 17 days (and one extra hour -thanks, DST). I had my pre-op appt with my doc to go over the surgery plans today. I found out a bit more about the fibroids. Both are subserosal, which I knew already. The one on the back (4-5cm) is pedunculated, with the base of the stalk ~2cm. She's confident that one shouldn't cause issues and will come out laparoscopically pretty easily. The larger one (6cm) in front, however, is essentially draped over the uterus, so there is a large surface area she will have to dissect out. She'll try to do it laparoscopically, but since the point of surgery is to preserve/improve my fertility and restore my ability to carry a child to term safely, she won't take any chances. If she isn't 100% confident about doing it laparoscopically, she'll do a c-section type incision, however small she can make it, to get in there and do it right. It will mostly come down to how cleanly it dissects and what sort of suturing she needs to do to patch the uterus back up. At this point I really don't care what the recovery is - I'm covered at work, will deal with things as they come, and have a husband able and willing to take care of me while I mend - I just want an intact baby factory when all is said and done!
 

amc80

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monkeyprincess|1445544132|3941156 said:
Anyone have contact with LC? She seems to have disappeared. I hope she is doing okay and finally got good news after having a couple losses.
I was just reading over some old threads and realized I hadn't seen her on here in a while. Hope all is okay.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Hi ladies,
Just popping in for a quick update. We finally managed to conceive in September, on a clomid-only cycle (at Disney World no less!), but unfortunately we learned last week that it was ectopic. So now I'm in the process of resolving that and it's going to take 2-4 months to get back to a place where we can start TTC again. So now, after almost 12 months of trying, 3 cycles of clomid, 4 IUIs and now this, we're debating whether we want to just skip ahead to IVF or go back to clomid and timed intercourse. I'm doing OK at this point, I have moments where I'm a little emotionally fragile but for the most part I'm processing well and holding it together. DH is just devastated, though. I hope you're all having better luck than we are!
 

Queenie60

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Hi Ladies: I just want to say there is hope. I am probably 20 years older than most of you however, took me forever to conceive. We had numerous problems, tried IVF, and anything else in between that you can think of. Took five years to get the first one, and four years later BINGO, we got our second. It will happen in time and I feel for your frustration. Sending good thoughts to all of you. God Bless and keep trying!
 

kama_s

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Hudson_Hawk|1446587894|3945290 said:
Hi ladies,
Just popping in for a quick update. We finally managed to conceive in September, on a clomid-only cycle (at Disney World no less!), but unfortunately we learned last week that it was ectopic. So now I'm in the process of resolving that and it's going to take 2-4 months to get back to a place where we can start TTC again. So now, after almost 12 months of trying, 3 cycles of clomid, 4 IUIs and now this, we're debating whether we want to just skip ahead to IVF or go back to clomid and timed intercourse. I'm doing OK at this point, I have moments where I'm a little emotionally fragile but for the most part I'm processing well and holding it together. DH is just devastated, though. I hope you're all having better luck than we are!
HH, your post brought me to tears. Sending you a virtual hug. You know where to find me if you need an ear.
 

JGator

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HH, so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. I would try the IUI again as you were successful with just Clomid. It worked for us on our 3rd try when I thought it wouldn't so you never know. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
 

monkeyprincess

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SB, I'm so sorry to hear that things continue to be a struggle. I wish I had something helpful to offer, but just know I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Even though it's not the route you want to take, I'm glad to hear you're considering all your options. I truly believe you will be a mommy one way or another. I'm just so sorry it's been so hard. Just not fair.

HH, so very sorry for your loss.

RT, I had my babies in July. Baby boy doing great, but baby girl had heart surgery at 5 days old, and she had some additional health issues, which have caused her to spend half her life in the hospital. It's been hard, but I'm very thankful to have the twins. And hopefully baby girl will grow out of her current health problems over the next year or so. Best wishes to you in the coming year!
 

NewEnglandLady

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amc80|1446501827|3944901 said:
monkeyprincess|1445544132|3941156 said:
Anyone have contact with LC? She seems to have disappeared. I hope she is doing okay and finally got good news after having a couple losses.
I was just reading over some old threads and realized I hadn't seen her on here in a while. Hope all is okay.
I was hoping LC would see this and reply, but not sure if she comes here anymore. She gave birth to a little girl last week (November 3rd), so she most certainly has her hands full these days. I thought about messaging her to ask her to update you all, but I hated to do that when she has a brand new baby on her hands. So I hope she doesn't mind me sharing the good news.

HH, so sorry for your loss. Thinking about you tons these days! Does your insurance cover any IVF treatment? Not sure if that would factor into your decision making.
 

JGator

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Congratulations to LC!!!! :appl:

SB, keep us updated on this cycle. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
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