Tearing my hair out

[purrfectpear]

Date: 7/16/2008 8:46:02 PM
Author: mystiqkal

I think the difference here is that she is making a judgement on her own life and on a person that she knows and understands....what right do you have to make a judgement about her?

I don''t know about you, but I make evaluations of people every day. Based on their actions, and their words. You call it judgement, I call it discernment.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:57:55 PM
Author: mystiqkal

why do you think that being older means that you ''deserve'' something more than a younger person? if a young couple can afford to buy a 20k ring and want to do it, does this mean that they dont ''deserve'' it? I dont understand this old fashioned way of thinking...just because when you were young, you couldnt afford it, that means that its not right for another young couples to get it? obviously, times have changed , people are getting paid more than they used to, young professionals are making more..i dont think it should be frowned upon if they wan to splurge on an engagement ring (the key being if THEY can afford it). granted i can see where you''re coming from if all cases were like missy''s, but honestly, being a young professional myself, I feel that judgemental comments that group everyone together are really uneccessary

that don''t mean S**T !!. the more they make the more they spent.....

i know a few of those so call "young professionals"

whom are up to their A$$ in debt with a big mortgage,car loans,student loans,CC debts, etc,etc....

remember, it isn''t how much they make, it is how much they spent.

 

[tberube]

I realize I'm answering sorta late, and I hope I'm not just rehashing what everyone else said. But I have to chime in.

While I don't think you're wrong at all...you should be totally happy with this ring that you're going to wear for the rest of your life. But on the other hand, it's not everyone's view that "lower" colors are "poor," some actually embrace the look of a warmer diamond...and I'm beginning to think I may be one of them.

Not everyone feels that way, and that's fine. But the other argument I have is on the value you place on this ring. You seem to believe that his going for a lower color to get a larger size (I'm guessing because he knew you wanted a 2ct.) means that he doesn't value you or your relationship. But in all honesty, how much value do you have for him if you judge his love based on the objects he gives you?

It's a cyclical argument, I do realize. But perhaps you could put yourself in his shoes before being so devastated about this diamond.

Besides...you said you loved it before you found out what color it was. And now you don't love it so much, and have expressed animosity at your FI because of this knowledge. If you never found out about the color of that diamond, chances are you'd have always loved it.

I dunno. You've got this big, gorgeous cushion cut diamond and a man who listened to your wishes for size and shape of the diamond you want. I'd say you're doing pretty well for yourself and you have a guy who loves you. Why challenge that over a couple of color grades?

 

[customcushion]

The OP mentioned a Jeweler said it was a K-L
Just curious (not that this changes anything...) but what does the cert say ?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/16/2008 9:20:24 PM
Author: tberube
I realize I''m answering sorta late, and I hope I''m not just rehashing what everyone else said. But I have to chime in.

While I don''t think you''re wrong at all...you should be totally happy with this ring that you''re going to wear for the rest of your life. But on the other hand, it''s not everyone''s view that ''lower'' colors are ''poor,'' some actually embrace the look of a warmer diamond...and I''m beginning to think I may be one of them.

Not everyone feels that way, and that''s fine. But the other argument I have is on the value you place on this ring. You seem to believe that his going for a lower color to get a larger size (I''m guessing because he knew you wanted a 2ct.) means that he doesn''t value you or your relationship. But in all honesty, how much value do you have for him if you judge his love based on the objects he gives you?

It''s a cyclical argument, I do realize. But perhaps you could put yourself in his shoes before being so devastated about this diamond.

Besides...you said you loved it before you found out what color it was. And now you don''t love it so much, and have expressed animosity at your FI because of this knowledge. If you never found out about the color of that diamond, chances are you''d have always loved it.

I dunno. You''ve got this big, gorgeous cushion cut diamond and a man who listened to your wishes for size and shape of the diamond you want. I''d say you''re doing pretty well for yourself and you have a guy who loves you. Why challenge that over a couple of color grades?

Nicely said. Please post some pics for us. I am dying to see a lovely cushion, I adore cushions.

 

[pauly1]

Well, this was a good one! I need to get a napkin and wipe the popcorn butter off my keyboard.

In all seriousness prettycushion, I didn''t read every post so this might have been said already. As a guy who spent 6 months or so designing my Fiancés'' ring, it sounds to me like the two of you just aren''t on the same page when it comes to what you want. He obviously had a budget, all guys do, and it looks like he just said give me the biggest stone I can get for the $, not caring about what color it was. Could it be that''s what''s also bothering you? The fact that he didn''t say I can get you a beautiful stone that I really invested a lot of time and effort in finding, but it might be a little smaller than what you wanted?

You seem to have an appreciation for jewelry, and it sounds like the two of you never really talked. That said, if you were to tell him that you wanted the best compromise of size, color, ect. to for his budget, I don''t see anything wrong with that. However, drawing a line in the sand and saying that anything less than 2 ct / D/E is unacceptable doesn''t really paint a flattering picture of you. Just my .02

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 9:15:29 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/16/2008 6:57:55 PM
Author: mystiqkal


why do you think that being older means that you ''deserve'' something more than a younger person? if a young couple can afford to buy a 20k ring and want to do it, does this mean that they dont ''deserve'' it? I dont understand this old fashioned way of thinking...just because when you were young, you couldnt afford it, that means that its not right for another young couples to get it? obviously, times have changed , people are getting paid more than they used to, young professionals are making more..i dont think it should be frowned upon if they wan to splurge on an engagement ring (the key being if THEY can afford it). granted i can see where you''re coming from if all cases were like missy''s, but honestly, being a young professional myself, I feel that judgemental comments that group everyone together are really uneccessary

that don''t mean S**T !!. the more they make the more they spent.....

i know a few of those so call ''young professionals''

whom are up to their A$$ in debt with a big mortgage,car loans,student loans,CC debts, etc,etc....

remember, it isn''t how much they make, it is how much they spent.

i know middle aged, middle class, poor people and rich people who also fall into this category, I also know some young professionals that own their cars, are building equity in their homes, paid off their loans and have no debt. You''re right in saying it has to do with how much they spend, but without knowing a persons financial situation you cannot automatically assume that all young professionals fall into this category....just because they make more money doesnt necessarily means that they cant make smart financial decisions and not be in debt.

 

[vslover]

Date: 7/16/2008 7:22:51 PM
Author: Iowa Lizzy
Bliss, I couldn''t agree more with your post.


Miranda, you are right. ESPECIALLY about the nasty comments being made. It is absolutely ridiculous. I speculate that a lot of this criticism is stemming from jealousy. But when I speculate, I''m just as bad as the judgmental PSers who make mean comments about people they don''t know.

Yikes...what are people supposed to be jealous of? The fiance who didn''t buy the best ring he could have? Or the diamond that the OP thinks is yellow? GIve me a break. Sometimes people just don''t like to be told the truth...doesn''t meant the person saying it is jealous.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I''ll admit to being older (44) and having lived through hardship (divorce after a 20 year marriage, the death of my best friend at the young age of 30, developing SLE and living with chronic pain/disability, going through nursing school now) but I am far from bitter and jealous.

On the contrary, I have grown to appreciate life from day to day and not place any expectations on another person for my happiness. What I''ve lived has given me a perspective that some might percieve as jealousy, but I can assure you that I don''t want anything other than what I already have.

The OP stated her problem and said "ladies help." Her problem boils down to the fact that her expectations were less than met for her engagement ring, and she is worried that it''s a sign of a fundamental difference between her and her boyfriend. She sees how he treats himself compared to what he spent on the ring, and thinks it could mean that he will not be as generous with her as he will be with himself during their marriage. She gave us the stats and the price difference between her "poor" (her word) stone and a good one, and filled us in on his and her spending habits and financial status (she is not in the same league as he is). Then she DID ask us to analyze these facts and tell her what we thought.

So of course my perspective as an older woman who worked to get where she is, who was taught to graciously accept a gift, and who has learned you can''t always have what you want when you want it -- is different from the ones who say it''s okay for a woman to know what she wants and go for it. Where does that statement come from or fit in to this problem?

Even if she trades in and gets the "good" stone, that doesn''t solve the topic of this thread -- and that is the problem of how the boyfriend will treat her during their marriage. What I want to say is this: be happy with what you already have, not wishing for what you don''t have. And don''t make another person responsible for your happiness. Unless you do those two things, you will be jealous and bitter during the years you spend living with this man.

 

[swingirl]

Boy, am I glad I picked out my own engagement ring. .5 ct, poor cut, extra, extra thick girdle. I loved it then and I love it now (recut and worn as a pendant).

No ill feelings towards the one who picked it out and set the budget!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/16/2008 9:14:00 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 7/16/2008 8:46:02 PM

Author: mystiqkal


I think the difference here is that she is making a judgement on her own life and on a person that she knows and understands....what right do you have to make a judgement about her?

I don't know about you, but I make evaluations of people every day. Based on their actions, and their words. You call it judgement, I call it discernment.

Perhaps next time you decide to 'discern' so vocally and nastily, you might think about how you could chose your words so the wisdom you offer is not lost in the malicious tone you've taken. There are plenty of people on here who are able to offer constructive criticism without abandoning diplomacy. It is possible to be honest, direct, and diplomatic.

Being that gleefully vicious reflects badly on you. Why is it so difficult to get your views across without devolving into petty sniping?

People come on here to get advice, not to give internet trolls a target for their personal enjoyment.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 9:26:33 PM
Author: mystiqkal

i know middle aged, middle class, poor people and rich people who also fall into this category, I also know some young professionals that own their cars, are building equity in their homes, paid off their loans and have no debt. You''re right in saying it has to do with how much they spend, but without knowing a persons financial situation you cannot automatically assume that all young professionals fall into this category....just because they make more money doesnt necessarily means that they cant make smart financial decisions and not be in debt.

just because they make good money it doesnt necessarily mean that they are smart with money either.

 

[Skippy123]

Prettycushion, count me in the camp of wanting to see pics please and I hope things work out. Is it time for pie?

 

[innerkitten]

Me Too!! I''d love to see some photos. From the description it sounds like a very nice ring.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 7/16/2008 8:32:18 PM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 7/16/2008 5:44:48 PM
Author: Haywood74

The moral of everything that I just said is this. Sometimes guys ''listen'', but they don''t ''hear.'' Your guy may have completely had the best of intentions as getting your diamond with the ''2 carat'' qualification and may have thought that the most important quality was the carat size. Not every person out there is going to have a vast diamond knowledge as to what to buy. Not every person out there is going to want to learn said knowledge before making a purchase. Not every person out there is going to walk in and tell the sales associate to give the the very best no matter what. Honestly speaking, when it comes to color and clarity, there are some HUGE price differences to gain very small upgrades in clarity and color. I am personally not sensitive to color that much and that may have been what your man saw. If it were me, I would have been asking what I was getting for the difference in price. He may very well have not seen the differences in the jewelry store as worth the additional costs. That is just smart shopping in my opinion. Keep this in mind. Just the simple fact that your man took the time to go and get what you asked for should tell you what his feelings are.

PC, I think this entry by Haywood is the most spot-on contribution to this thread.

I was thinking the same thing myself; there are times when I wonder what makes my husband do a certain thing, and when I ask him what he was thinking at the time, it ALWAYS ends up being ''well, you said you wanted THIS, and I thought that was the most important thing.''

I''m with Haywood - he likely did the best he could and didn''t realize that the warm color would bother you. Have a chat and tell him you''re delighted that he clearly tried to get what he thought was important to you and that you appreciate that, but you''d rather go slightly smaller and improve on the color.

Marriage is about communication; this is a great time to start.

First, I want to say welcome to Pricescope!

I can understand your disappointment that your FI spends X on his items and Y on yours, and you clearly had an expectation that wasn''t met with what he bought. When DH and I were looking at engagement rings, his budget was $5K and once we really started looking he, on his own, raise it to $6K. I LOVED my engagement ring (which later chipped and had to be replaced) but it nagged me that he had spent $8K on a car downpayment a year earlier. After all, a car he''ll have, what 7-8 years tops? My engagement ring was forever, right?

If I could go back 6 years and shake myself I would! Any engagement ring is a generous gift and I wasted a lot of self-doubt over something ridiculous as worrying that DH spent more on a car downpayment than my ring. My ring was gorgeous, and was perfect for me and DH could have had a budget twice what he had and I wouldn''t have changed the ring we picked out.

To add what Alison D and Haywood wrote, I totally agree and wanted to add that good communication is like a constant dance in marriage. DH and I have been married over 5 years and I think have a good communication with each other but everyone in a while have a huge flub! We just had a biggie AND it was jewelry related! I''m fixing the situation but it was a good reminder that when it comes to a major decision to really make sure we''re both on the same page.

Regarding your ring, please start a thread on the Show Me the Ring section and post pictures! Do you plan on keeping the diamond? Would changing the setting make you feel better? You are very lucky to receive a beautiful diamond that is much larger than average, and that your FI did it all by himself. Well cut lower color diamonds are GORGEOUS , especially in the right setting! Please post pictures!

 

[Dancing Fire]

she''ll post the ring after she upgrades to a higher color .

 

[babysteps]

Prettycushion, count me in the group that would really like to see your ring, I hope you post pix or do a SMTR thread

I totally agree with some of the other posts about communication - it is so necessary and what will hold your relationship firm over time, so you need to talk with him if you continue to be confused or upset.

PS''ers - every poster has a point of view and is entitled to share it . . . but IMO it would be nice to read everyone''s opinions, as varied as they might be, with less pejorative and contemptuous language.

 

[MMT]

I love the well cut lower colors. I''m looking into the J''s and K''s for my upgrade. Can we see pics? Sometimes we all get too caught up in the numbers and letters. I bet your ring is gorgeous.

 

[cara]

Date: 7/16/2008 9:31:08 PM
Author: RxTechRN2b
Even if she trades in and gets the ''good'' stone, that doesn''t solve the topic of this thread -- and that is the problem of how the boyfriend will treat her during their marriage. What I want to say is this: be happy with what you already have, not wishing for what you don''t have. And don''t make another person responsible for your happiness. Unless you do those two things, you will be jealous and bitter during the years you spend living with this man.

How will being "happy with what she" has actually help her with either problem - her ring or her man? In particular, are you saying she should be happy with her future husband even if he is cheap and thoughtless regarding her while he splurges on himself?

And part of this mess seems to stem from a communication problem. "Being happy with what she has" will not help her learn to communicate more effectively with her husband, and have more reasonable expectations of him. These are things she could do to improve herself and her marriage, and it is subtly, but importantly different from "being happy with what you have."

Most dangerously, she should NOT "be happy with what she has" if, in fact, her husband treats her poorly and is selfish. Ideally, she would recognize these flaws in him BEFORE marrying him so that she can take responsibility for her happiness by leaving him! Imagine the verspergril ex-husband driving around in his Porsche bragging about the deal he got on his wife''s engagement ring. This man should not be married! Being married to this man might cause one to become bitter and jealous! While one should look for happiness on the inside, and not rely upon a diamond or a man for one''s happiness, that is very different from saying one should be happy with any man or ring one happens to have.

Just saying she should graciously accept a gift misses a lot here. There is graciously accepting a gift. There is learning to love something that wasn''t what you imagined. There is recognizing that you may not have fully explained what you wanted or were expecting a mindreader. There is learning to speak up for yourself and your feelings even when it is difficult, just as there is deciding that an issue is minor in the long run and not worth bringing up. There is also listening to your gut and reading the clues (such as gifts) as to how someone treats you, and anticipating how this plays out in your future life. In this most important regard, she should carefully evaluate the man she has, and decide if he will make her happy in the future, rather than just trying to wish him into a different person or wish herself happy with him.

 

[disneybride]

Rxtech and tradergirl, not to be rude but you two have commiserated in many young girls'' posts about your lack of diamonds and the need for others to appreciate their size. You both have repeatedly insinuated that young girls are selfish and that because both of you didn''t start out with huge diamonds that there''s no reason for anyone else to either. I hate to be a jerk but the world doesn''t revolve around either of you and your bitterness really sticks out like a sore thumb in these posts. If this topic strikes such a nerve then perhaps it would be best for you to stay away from it instead of contributing negativity. Life isn''t always fair and you don''t always get what you feel you deserve. People value different things in a relationship and it isn''t up to you to decide the morality of it all. There will always be someone out there who has bigger and better and that''s just the way it is. We all start off at different socioeconomic levels and not every marriage has to begin with a smaller diamond to be upgraded as a testament of time and fidelity. There will always be situations where you hear about 21-year-olds who sport 3 carat rocks and others who scrimp and save for years to afford that 1 carat upgrade. In the end it comes down to the fact that no one can judge anyone else by what''s said on a diamond forum considering the whole concept itself can be considered a generally shallow one if you think about it. We don''t truly know what goes on behind anyone else''s closed doors. I really think it would be best for the two of you to leave these topics alone in the future until you can find peace with yourselves.

 

[grapegravity]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:33:45 PM
Author: disneybride
Rxtech and tradergirl, not to be rude but you two have commiserated in many young girls'' posts about your lack of diamonds and the need for others to appreciate their size. You both have repeatedly insinuated that young girls are selfish and that because both of you didn''t start out with huge diamonds that there''s no reason for anyone else to either. I hate to be a jerk but the world doesn''t revolve around either of you and your bitterness really sticks out like a sore thumb in these posts. If this topic strikes such a nerve then perhaps it would be best for you to stay away from it instead of contributing negativity. Life isn''t always fair and you don''t always get what you feel you deserve. People value different things in a relationship and it isn''t up to you to decide the morality of it all. There will always be someone out there who has bigger and better and that''s just the way it is. We all start off at different socioeconomic levels and not every marriage has to begin with a smaller diamond to be upgraded as a testament of time and fidelity. There will always be situations where you hear about 21-year-olds who sport 3 carat rocks and others who scrimp and save for years to afford that 1 carat upgrade. In the end it comes down to the fact that no one can judge anyone else by what''s said on a diamond forum considering the whole concept itself can be considered a generally shallow one if you think about it. We don''t truly know what goes on behind anyone else''s closed doors. I really think it would be best for the two of you to leave these topics alone in the future until you can find peace with yourselves.

Date: 7/16/2008 8:32:18 PM
Author: Allison D.
Marriage is about communication; this is a great time to start.


I read through all four pages (my eyes are getting so sore

) I totally agree with disneybride and Allison D. and I would like add that Communication is the most important element in any relationship. I understand where your unhappiness coming from and I think you should address this colour issue to your FI in a way that" yes you did get me a 2ct cushion which I asked for, but I did not know that I''m actually colour sensitive..." and see what''s his response...

Good luck!

 

[pixley]

I'd love to see it too! I've learned to love diamonds in all shapes and colors that I never thought I'd take a liking to before PS. One of the most magnificent lower color cushions is Tiger007g's antique cushion, which may also be in the same color range as yours. That said, I am color sensitive like you (luckily, so is my DH) but many men are color clueless so it's possible that the color issue didn't even occur to him, or depending on the cert, he purchased a stone that was graded by one of the more lenient labs. I totally hear you on the treating himself vs. treating you point. I agonized over finding a cushion within the agreed budget for months, all the while the DH was planning to buy a boat and approximately 5 road bicycles for himself, but in the end, I'll enjoy being out on the boat (as I'm sure you enjoy the 911) and if the bikes bring him as much joy as my ring gives me, then no harm, no foul. He is after all, only a man. (Just kidding, PS guys.)

But seriously, talk it out with him and I've no doubt you can come to some sort of solution that will make you both happy.

 

[NovemberBride]

Prettycushion - I am so sorry about your dilemma. I was in a somewhat similar situation when I got engaged - DH purchased a lovely 2 carat round for me, but it had a white inclusion that I could see from about 2 inches away that bothered me. DH could not see it at all (and I am sure no one else could either), which is why he bought the stone. I kept my unhappiness to myself for a while (to all those who will say I am selfish and spoiled to have been unhappy, let me say that I was thrilled with the engagement and did not have any thoughts that my now-DH "cheaped out", rather I am quite a perfectionist in all aspects of my life and I knew the inclusion would always bother me). In the end, I decided to talk to DH about it. While his feelings were a little hurt (he was upset with himself that it wasn''t perfect, which I assured him it was, and that all the blame lay with my OCD tendencies) in the end he just wanted me to be happy. After all, he bought the ring for me, because he wanted me to have what I wanted (and which he could afford, more on that below). We upgraded to a higher clarity and haven''t given the issue a second thought since. This is my long-winded way of advising you just to talk to your FI. I am sure it will all work out for te best for your own personal situation, whether you decide to keep the stone, upgrade the color and downsize or simply upgrade the color and don''t downgrade. The sooner you talk to him, the sooner it will be resolved and you can enjoy this happy time.

I also want to add that I mostly lurk on this site, but have always thought it very friendly and welcoming, but over the last few weeks have noticed the nasty tone as well. As a relatively young (under 30) person, I resent many of the generalizations that have been made about my peers. I have no idea why certain posters choose to assume the worst about us. If the first assumption, which is that we can''t afford it is refuted, certain posters persist in saying that there''s no way you can afford it, you must be in debt, etc. I don''t know why people are choosing to assume the absolute worst about people based on absolutely no facts at all, but I find it uncharitable and unbecoming. In my opinion, life is so much sweeter if you assume the best rather than the worst.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/16/2008 11:08:48 PM
Author: NovemberBride
Prettycushion - I am so sorry about your dilemma. I was in a somewhat similar situation when I got engaged - DH purchased a lovely 2 carat round for me, but it had a white inclusion that I could see from about 2 inches away that bothered me. DH could not see it at all (and I am sure no one else could either), which is why he bought the stone. I kept my unhappiness to myself for a while (to all those who will say I am selfish and spoiled to have been unhappy, let me say that I was thrilled with the engagement and did not have any thoughts that my now-DH ''cheaped out'', rather I am quite a perfectionist in all aspects of my life and I knew the inclusion would always bother me). In the end, I decided to talk to DH about it. While his feelings were a little hurt (he was upset with himself that it wasn''t perfect, which I assured him it was, and that all the blame lay with my OCD tendencies) in the end he just wanted me to be happy. After all, he bought the ring for me, because he wanted me to have what I wanted (and which he could afford, more on that below). We upgraded to a higher clarity and haven''t given the issue a second thought since. This is my long-winded way of advising you just to talk to your FI. I am sure it will all work out for te best for your own personal situation, whether you decide to keep the stone, upgrade the color and downsize or simply upgrade the color and don''t downgrade. The sooner you talk to him, the sooner it will be resolved and you can enjoy this happy time.

I also want to add that I mostly lurk on this site, but have always thought it very friendly and welcoming, but over the last few weeks have noticed the nasty tone as well. As a relatively young (under 30) person, I resent many of the generalizations that have been made about my peers. I have no idea why certain posters choose to assume the worst about us. If the first assumption, which is that we can''t afford it is refuted, certain posters persist in saying that there''s no way you can afford it, you must be in debt, etc. I don''t know why people are choosing to assume the absolute worst about people based on absolutely no facts at all, but I find it uncharitable and unbecoming. In my opinion, life is so much sweeter if you assume the best rather than the worst.

What a well written post, you said it all. Thanks!!!

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/16/2008 7:14:24 PM
Author: SYC

Date: 7/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
Author: rcrosier

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

i think this is where the problem lies...everyone is stuck on the whole size thing...that she should be happy with what she got just because its 2ct, even if its not the clarity or color she wanted. Its like you gusy are disregarding that she said she would be happy with a smaller diamond with better quality. and even though you might think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with income, it doesnt change the fact that its the norm. the more money you make, the more that you''re able to spend. thats the reason why rich people have big diamonds and poor people have small diamonds. If brad pit got angelina jolie a 5k ring when the norm in his circle is 500k...you wouldnt think he was being a bit cheap (especially if you knew ahead of time that he''s been cheap with other stuff- but splurges on himself all the time?)

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

Now, if she had bought him an ''05 Mazda Miata, then yes, he could voice his disappointment in her buying him something that he didn''t really want. But that would be like this girl getting a 0.75 carat princess cut diamond of perfect color and clarity. These two vehicles would have roughly the same value -- maintaining a budget of around $15,000. He didn''t get her something that different from what she wanted. In that view, the analogy doesn''t quite hold water. So yes, I understand where you are coming from and you have a very valid point, but you overextended the margin of difference between the two cases.

Rob, wow, first I started laughing hysterically over your post, then my head started to hurt because of the references to engine size, mileage, option values relative to total cost, etc. In any case, I must say I appreciate the detailed analysis regarding my analogy''s shortcomings!

I also think it''s great that you offered a male perspective on this issue.

But did I really overextend the margin of difference between the two cases?...

Perhaps specifying 2 carats is like specifying a ''68 Camaro with no other details. If the woman comes back with a ''68 Camaro that is a bit rusty and has a non-427 cubic inch engine (I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the alternative to a 427 cubic inch engine is), then I think the man should be happy that his wife tried, but clarify that he wanted a ''68 Camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, better condition, etc. Personally, I wouldn''t have a problem with this if I were making the purchase. The lesson, I suppose, is to fully communicate all important parameters, especially when the purchasing spouse is not especially informed about the item being purchased.

Haha... I will agree... I know better than to argue with a woman more than once

!

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:33:45 PM
Author: disneybride
Rxtech and tradergirl, not to be rude but you two have commiserated in many young girls' posts about your lack of diamonds and the need for others to appreciate their size. You both have repeatedly insinuated that young girls are selfish and that because both of you didn't start out with huge diamonds that there's no reason for anyone else to either. I hate to be a jerk but the world doesn't revolve around either of you and your bitterness really sticks out like a sore thumb in these posts. If this topic strikes such a nerve then perhaps it would be best for you to stay away from it instead of contributing negativity. Life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you feel you deserve. People value different things in a relationship and it isn't up to you to decide the morality of it all. There will always be someone out there who has bigger and better and that's just the way it is. We all start off at different socioeconomic levels and not every marriage has to begin with a smaller diamond to be upgraded as a testament of time and fidelity. There will always be situations where you hear about 21-year-olds who sport 3 carat rocks and others who scrimp and save for years to afford that 1 carat upgrade. In the end it comes down to the fact that no one can judge anyone else by what's said on a diamond forum considering the whole concept itself can be considered a generally shallow one if you think about it. We don't truly know what goes on behind anyone else's closed doors. I really think it would be best for the two of you to leave these topics alone in the future until you can find peace with yourselves.

Thankyou disneybride! saved me from typing it myself.


To PrettyCushion - your screen name is PRETTY CUSHION!

So I'm guessing you still thought your ring was lovely when you started posting.

Overwhelmingly, posters have assured you that:

1. The jeweller could be way off in their colour grade. Please, if you really want to know, take it to a qualified appraiser and reserve judgement until then.

2. Often cushions and other cuts look lovely in "lower" colours, and you did say you've been enjoying your ring's sparkle. Presumably this means the cushion is well cut, which has alot more to do with a diamonds' quality and performance than colour does.

FWIW, I have a 1.25 K RB and wouldn't have it any other way. Its white as can be, please see some pics here if you like. https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-wonderful-e-ring-upgrade-thankyou.89827/

I could choose to take your original post as offensive implying K colour is no good, but I don't as that is your taste and preference and you are entitled to it.
You have expressed some education about diamonds, so this desire for a higher colour is coming (hopefully) from an informed place, and not a mislead commercial idea of needing a D.

I don't have a definitive answer for you, but I think you have been given some good suggestions from others in this thread.
I too apologize for the way some posters have treated you. We don't know you or your guy, and shouldn't presume to judge by a couple of posts online.

I will urge you to seek advice somewhere more relevant than PS for your deeper relationship concerns, and I hope you two will be very happy!

Oh, and please let us see pictures of your lovely cushion - it may also help to get others input.

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/16/2008 8:51:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
Author: rcrosier


I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

i hope she was smart enough to buy him a all original ZL-1 or a RS/SS 396/375 HP convertible.

I''m soon to be engaged, but I have to ask.... You married???

Hahaha

 

[han001]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:33:45 PM
Author: disneybride
Rxtech and tradergirl, not to be rude but you two have commiserated in many young girls'' posts about your lack of diamonds and the need for others to appreciate their size. You both have repeatedly insinuated that young girls are selfish and that because both of you didn''t start out with huge diamonds that there''s no reason for anyone else to either. I hate to be a jerk but the world doesn''t revolve around either of you and your bitterness really sticks out like a sore thumb in these posts. If this topic strikes such a nerve then perhaps it would be best for you to stay away from it instead of contributing negativity. Life isn''t always fair and you don''t always get what you feel you deserve. People value different things in a relationship and it isn''t up to you to decide the morality of it all. There will always be someone out there who has bigger and better and that''s just the way it is. We all start off at different socioeconomic levels and not every marriage has to begin with a smaller diamond to be upgraded as a testament of time and fidelity. There will always be situations where you hear about 21-year-olds who sport 3 carat rocks and others who scrimp and save for years to afford that 1 carat upgrade. In the end it comes down to the fact that no one can judge anyone else by what''s said on a diamond forum considering the whole concept itself can be considered a generally shallow one if you think about it. We don''t truly know what goes on behind anyone else''s closed doors. I really think it would be best for the two of you to leave these topics alone in the future until you can find peace with yourselves.

Disneybride, I think your response is very well put. Our own experiences cannot and should not account for what everyone else''s experiences should be. As a young professional, I also do not appreciate the blatant assumptions that have been made in this particular thread, and other of a similar nature.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/16/2008 11:08:48 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I also want to add that I mostly lurk on this site, but have always thought it very friendly and welcoming, but over the last few weeks have noticed the nasty tone as well. As a relatively young (under 30) person, I resent many of the generalizations that have been made about my peers. I have no idea why certain posters choose to assume the worst about us. If the first assumption, which is that we can't afford it is refuted, certain posters persist in saying that there's no way you can afford it, you must be in debt, etc. I don't know why people are choosing to assume the absolute worst about people based on absolutely no facts at all, but I find it uncharitable and unbecoming. In my opinion, life is so much sweeter if you assume the best rather than the worst.

Can I say DITTO? Minus the lurking part. There has been a lot of unbecoming behavior recently that has ruined the intended spirit of the forum, and it's really making me sad. And it's making me want to stay away from certain threads and areas of the forum, and that's not right, helpful or welcoming. And I'm so sad to hear that some newbies are being scared away by the vile attitudes. That isn't what this forum is about.

I can't wait to post my ering and be questioned about our financial status and our relationship.

And PrettyCushion-I do hope that you aren't scared off and that you post a thread in Show Me The Ring, because I'm hankering to see your beautiful diamond!!

ETA: rcrosier Just to let you know, Dancing Fire is a dude.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 11:32:59 PM
Author: rcrosier

Date: 7/16/2008 8:51:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
Author: rcrosier



I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

i hope she was smart enough to buy him a all original ZL-1 or a RS/SS 396/375 HP convertible.

I''m soon to be engaged, but I have to ask.... You married???

Hahaha

yep, and i love 69 & 70 Camaros.