Taking the man''s name

[Nicrez]

Chrono I knew I liked you! You are HYSTERICAL! And you practically have an honorary womb... LOL

Maybe Bush adheres to the Old Testament and not the new...? Eye for an eye?

 

[JCJD]

Well if that's true Nicrez, he's not a born-again Christian then, is he?

More like a born-again Jew or Muslim then, eh?

 

[Camellia]

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On 10/21/2004 8:51:06 AM chrono wrote:

I'm not bothered at all by your suggestions or find it strange so I must be the odd ball around here.

(which, by the way, will only happen in my dreams).----------------

Chrono
You and I can be oddballs together! I didn't wear a white wedding dress, I didn't wear a veil, I wore black accessories with my dress (which wasn't froofy), I didn't have a sit-down reception - just finger-food, and I didn't invite every man and his dog to the wedding.
Anyway, when it comes to tracing one's family history through the male line - does one really know whether one's great-great-great grandfather was actually one's great-great grandfather's father or not? At least when tracing the family through the female line, one can be guaranteed as to who one's mother was!

 

[innerkitten]

I'm keeping my name.

 

[innerkitten]

and I forgot to ad that I actually have my mothers last name and not my fathers.

 

[Momoftwo]

My experience is most of those who keep their names also keep "their" money, "their" real estate and "their" everything else. That's not marriage. Marriage is a joining together, a lifetime commitment. After 20+ years, it's all ours. Everything. The name thing can be a power issue. There is no "boss" in a truly committed marriage. Don't marry someone you can't share everything with. There's a lot of I's mentioned on this site. Two I's can't make an us.

Also, if you're going to quote the Bible, don't just quote select verses that fit your version of things. There are verses that talk of war and poverty as parts of life. There will always be both. Jesus was compassionate, but he was also just. Read the whole book, old and new testaments. A "pre-emptive" strike does not go against the bible. Saddam was a sado-masochistic madman, just ask anyone who lived under his "regime". Evil does exist. The turn the other cheek verse you refer to does have a limit to how many times. Read it. War is justified in the bible and was very common. It also refers to future wars. Abomination is mentioned in reference to homosexuality. A couple of times. Nowhere does it talk about "political correctness", but it does talk about right and wrong and is very clear about which is which. The Ten Commandments for example. I believe the whole Bible, not just what fits in with a secular life.

Anyway, back to the name thing, like I've said before, it's just a name, but to some, it's a sign of commitment. You have to decide what's important to both of you. It's not about just one.

 

[reena]

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On 10/21/2004 9:43:20 PM Momoftwo wrote:




Abomination is mentioned in reference to homosexuality. A couple of times. Nowhere does it talk about 'political correctness', but it does talk about right and wrong and is very clear about which is which.
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meaning?

 

[Momoftwo]

Meaning the BIble is very clear on this subject, among others. Read the whole Bible sometime. Funny, you picked that out of my whole post. And abomination was brought up earlier. I just mentioned where it was actually talked about.

 

[reena]

it just jumped out at me from your post because i wasn't sure what it had to do with the topic being discussed. that's why i wanted to ask you what you meant by it.




it's pretty clear now. i'll refrain from comment because this probably isn't the appropriate forum to argue about issues like this.

 

[Momoftwo]

I'm not arguing. I'll ask you this though, if you believe you're a christian believer, have you ever read the bible? I don't hate anyone, I just don't agree with certain "secular" and "politically correct" (whatever that means) ideologies. I just know there is right and wrong. Just like there is good and bad. You can have empathy, and opinions about anything without being in agreement. My moral beliefs are not tied into what "popular culture" or pop psychology says, it's tied into the word of God.

 

[reena]

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On 10/21/2004 10:30:31 PM Momoftwo wrote:





I'll ask you this, if you believe you're a christian believer, have you ever read the bible? I dont' hate anyone, I just know there is right and wrong.
----------------

i do not and i have not.

right and wrong are not absolute concepts, momof two. my sense of right and wrong is not dictated solely by what the bible says. apparently yours is. i can respect that. let's leave it there.

edited to add: i know you weren't arguing. i was just saying i didn't want to get into it here, that's all.

 

[Momoftwo]

I love the fact that people will discuss sex and politics before they will talk faith. Yet, this country was founded by christians who used the bible as the foundation of democracy and the laws that govern us. Have a good evening. And, I and many others do believe that right and wrong are absolutes. Too much grey area allows for doing what "feels good" which isn't usually good for everyone.

 

[reena]

first, for the record, i wasn't talking about sex, politics OR faith at any point on this thread.




second, i can't believe you're faulting me for not wanting to get into an argument with you about religion and homosexuality here. (a) it's a diamond forum, and (b) i don't want to fight with you about this regardless. it's pointless--i'm not going to change your mind, and you're not going to change mine. i said i could respect your position; why can't you respect mine?

 

[abradabra]

Hey Nicrez, I bet you had no idea what sort of can of worms you were opening up with this thread... (or maybe you did!) I figured if any arguments erupted they'd be about feminism or something--not the Bible!

(Okay, yes, there wasn't technically an "argument," but y'all know what I mean.)

 

[chrono]

Camelia,
Let's start the odd ball club of PS.

I didn't wear white, had a small BBQ reception for very close friends, and a nice sit-down dinner only for the immediate family. However, when I finally met my in-laws later that year, I respected their wishes and wore white and had a formal reception just to please the "old folks".

MomofTwo
What's wrong with keeping my own money and all the rest? After seeing what my parents went through (shared everything even though she kept her last name), I opted to keep all our finances separate with one joint account. That way I can spend on anything I like from my account, he can spend on anything he likes from his account, and the shared account will take care of our shared expenses like the mortgage, house bills, etc. Each to their own. This way, in the event of a divorce, the financial lines are very clear. Not that I plan for it but I like to be prepared for the worst. (Besides, I'm a better saver than him

). So I get to buy my own fancy car and he has his own favourite car. The house is joint because we both live in it. Maybe I am too non-traditional but that's what is best for me.

Okay, this is as far off topic as I will go. I won't go into politics and religion because it gets even more personal there.

 

[moremoremore]

Momtoftwowrote: My experience is most of those who keep their names also keep "their" money, "their" real estate and "their" everything else.

I kept my name out of habit. I don't think anyone here is talking about keeping your own name when it bothers your husband a lot. That's another issue...

But what would be wrong with keeping your assets separate?

You are certainly entitled to your own opinions right or wrong...I have no problem with that...but I think it's dangerous to start citing the bible and talking about abominations and the roles of women.

Yeah, I also think the bible talks about stoneing women to death too...not sure that's such a great idea either!

 

[chrono]

MMM,
Why did you change your avatar? Mr. Simmons may be a riot but I like the black cat on the pumpkin. Very Halloween-ish.

 

[moremoremore]

I just saw Sevens One post the pic and I had to have it...e/t he is CLEARLY an abomination. I'll agree with that LOLOLOL...I'm sure the kitty will resurface!

 

[Libster]

Hi,
New here

I kept my name, but thought one day I'd take his. After 15 years...still my name, unless going to an expensive restaurant, nice hotel, etc. Then I suddenly become "Mrs. Blah Blah" and he searches for his wallet

 

[fire&ice]

Why not discuss faith? First, it is something very personal to each individual. Second, those that seem to deem themselves *true* believers are sanctimonious. My God teaches that *all* people are loved by God. My God is inclusionary not exclusionary. Third, "believers" have never experienced Anti-semitism.

Edited to add: I see religion as being created by man. And, man is flawed.

My post shouldn't be taken on face value. Sometimes when one takes things so literal it makes me crazy. God gave us a brain to think, comprehend & reason. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want us to question or analize things.

 

[Jennifer5973]

I took my husband's name our of love for him. he didn't ask me to, and he would have been fine with whatever I chose to do, but I just felt that it was not only tradition but somehting I wanted to do for him, as a sign of my love for and commitment to him. This was my personal decision.

Again, as with many of these debates, it's your personal choice. I think the important thing is making whatever choice you do for the right reasons and to have open dialogue about this and all things in the marriage.

 

[moremoremore]

LOL..guess I don't love my husband! LOL..I'm SO just kidding!!!

 

[Libster]

MoreMoreMore, love the Richard Simmons avatar!

I just saw the "when your cards are gone" reference. My Parents actually bought that thing...LOL Guess what....when their cards were gone they kept eating

 

[Jennifer5973]

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On 10/22/2004 12:30:25 PM Libster wrote:

Guess what....when their cards were gone they kept eating

----------------

ROFL.

Been there, done that.

 

[didiamond]

I just wanted to say that I took my husband's name but didn't use my maidenname in place of my middle name because it sounded like a disease! My hubby's last name is a word in a medical dictionary so I mean it LITERALLY sounded like a disease!

 

[moremoremore]

LOL...don't tell me it's like Diane Epstein-Barr or something !!! LOL

HEY- I would just keep borrowing cards from next week!!!

 

[JCJD]

Whoa..... didn't mean to open THAT can of worms!!! Explicit in the beginning of my post, I addressed my previous post to Hammer's religiously based assertion that any possible situation other than a woman taking her husband's last name and doing everything he tells her to do is an abomination and to support the Republican Party and not the Democratic or Libertarian etc on religious grounds. In my personal studies of the Bible, I have found no evidence that either of these assertions by Hammer are based in the Christian text. That's all folks! Won't happen again.

 

[Bagpuss]

I took my husband's surname without a second thought, but that was nearly 30 years ago. I do have friends who kept their own names for a variety of reasons. I see no problem with either standpoint.




As a matter of interest, in Wales in the past, women weren't known by either their father's name or their husband's name. They took the name of the farm/house where they were living. My Welsh MIL was known as Gwenyth Bwlchyffin and her best friend as Marie Square Hall. Men, on the other hand, tended to be called by their profession - Dai Post (postman).




Whatever rings your bell, I guess.

 

[quaeritur]

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On 10/20/2004 1:21:37 PM MrsFrk wrote:





Along these lines- I know a couple who picked a NEW name to be their surname. Not his last name, not hers, not a combo of the two. Struck me as kind of odd, but it works for them. It was years ago, I forgot about it until this thread got me thinking on the last name thing. What's funny is that they both had somewhat long, difficult for the general public to get right names (Hoogenbaden and Grgich), I think they were both happy to pick a more melodic, easy to spell surname.
----------------

That's what I wanted to do! I was going to take the meaning of his last name and translate it into a language of my heritage and have that be "our" new family name.

His parents threw a hissy fit. We kinda figured that since we weren't planning on giving them any grandchildren (we're both only kids -so no chance for any from anywhere else) we'd humor them on the name. I've kept my own, but I still think of changing it to the family name I came up with. Maybe someday he'll change his too.

As you can probably tell, it's not been a huge deal to me.

 

[quaeritur]

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On 10/21/2004 10:36:34 PM reena wrote:

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On 10/21/2004 10:30:31 PM Momoftwo wrote:





I'll ask you this, if you believe you're a christian believer, have you ever read the bible? I dont' hate anyone, I just know there is right and wrong.
----------------

i do not and i have not.

right and wrong are not absolute concepts, momof two. my sense of right and wrong is not dictated solely by what the bible says. apparently yours is. i can respect that. let's leave it there.

edited to add: i know you weren't arguing. i was just saying i didn't want to get into it here, that's all.

----------------

Well, I do and I have. But much as I may believe the Bible to be the word of God, I also realize that it was written by human hands. And the form it holds today includes years of passing down, revising, and translating. Have you read it in Aramaic? or Greek? Those might be closer to how it started out. It was also written in a historical context, not a vacuum. And it was written to be understood within that context -a context that is very different today.

I believe there is an absolute right and wrong. I also believe that only God has the wisdom to discern what they are. So while I muddle along as best I can doing as much right and as little wrong as my feeble senses can identify, I don't presume to be omniscient enough to judge others. I'll let God do a much better job of it.

To paraphrase C.S. Lewis -one of history's great Christians: The best evidence for Christianity is Christians. The worst evidence against Christianity is Christians.