Taking the man''s name

[Nicrez]

Question, in such a modern world how many of you have (or will) take your hubby's (or hubby-to-be's) last name?

I am curious to also know if those who keep their name do so for independance, ease, or even because you have established your name already in your career?

 

[fire&ice]

Is there a sort of? I took it as my last name. But, I considered myself First, Maiden, His last name. I never changed my name legally through Social Security until fairly recently when they wouldn't let you take your personal deduction unless the name on the return matched the name on the SS form.

I ended up changing legally to First, Maiden, His last name. No hypen but I ditched my given middle name.

I had a really hard time giving up my maiden name all together as most people called me that. Some didn't know my first name.

 

[lindsal]

Not voting yet b/c I am just not sure what I am going to do. But I will probably take his name and move my last name to my middle name. I pretty much sign everything proffessionally with my initials now anyway, so that wouldn't be that much a change. But at 34 and being established in my career and firm (been here nearly 10 years) I can see quite a hassle coming from changing.

 

[Nicrez]

Funny, I would keep my middle name (as much as I HATE it) because it actually makes my name more lyrical. For once that darned middle name actually comes in handy!

That sort of falls under "Other". I have two friend who both had the SAME last name (both asian name of Lee) and althought they were totally unrelated, the bride didn't need to change her last name!!! I would consider that "other"....

 

[cflutist]

Websailor was fine with me not taking his last name. I have used my other married name professionally for years, plus I own a business which uses that name and it would have been too much trouble to do another Fictitious Business Name Filing and then reestablish relationships with my vendors.

I do use his last name in a social setting though, but my legal last name was not changed.

 

[JCJD]

My current plan is to change my last name legally and hyphenate professionally. This is because I will have a publication from my undergraduate research and I want to mirror the change from my single time to my married time in my professional career. So I'd be under other too.

 

[Sparkster]

Haven't voted as I'm undecided. I'm an Australian born Chinese. Growing up 'yellow' in a 'white' country, all I wanted to do as a kid was fit in - hard to do when you're constantly called 'chink' and made to feel inferior. You can imagine how long it took to be proud of my Chinese heritage (culture, looks, even my surname - all of these made me stick out, though not anymore because we are not the racist country we used to be). I am engaged to a Pom and don't feel like changing the 'Chineseness' of my surname. It took a long time to be proud of it and it's something that I don't want to give up. Yet the traditionalist in me says that I want to take on my future hubby's name.

 

[Mara]

There was another thread on this in the past year or so...I don't think it was a poll ? Not sure..but more info should be in there.

I took Greg's last name, I was looking forward to it. Call me old-fashioned but ever since I was a bright-eyed little teenager, I would do the typical stupid girl thing and pair my first name with my current boyfriend and doodle it all over my notebooks.

So why would I NOT take the chance when I had it in reality?

My old name served me well for 29 years...time to be someone new. At first it was a little odd, switching and having some things in old name, some new, and using it and signing it..but it's been about 3 months total since I switched and I'm alot more used to it now.

I can definitely understand not taking hubbys last name if you have established yourself in a career aka teaching where you are Miss XYZ, or being a doctor or similar...but I don't have any reason not to, and I am not at all into hyphenated names. I just don't like the way they look.

It's fun too...no more Christmas cards arriving with our different last names, no more different last names on plane tickets.

 

[Hest88]

I know many women who haven't. I ended up doing it, but I was on the fence for a long time and even thought about hyphenating. Then I just said "the heck with it" and decided to take his name. I really could have gone either way, though.

 

[Matata]

My maiden name is one that is easy to make fun of and I didn't change back to it when I got divorced so I've had the ex-hubby's name for 31 years. It's time for a change so I'll be taking the new hubby's name.

 

[mrs jam]

I took my husband's last name without giving it a second thought. A couple of friends have said that they would feel like they are giving up their identity if they changed their last names upon marriage. To me, my first name is who I am, not my maiden name. It is the name that was given to me with love by my parents. They didn't have a choice what my last name would be. I wouldn't give up my middle name, either, because my dad picked it out when I was born. He did a good job!

My married name rhymes with my first name and it spelled very similarly. It's very catchy!

 

[fuffi]

I always thought I would take my husband's name-- he has one of those great old important American names-- but after we got married I realized there's just too much red tape involved. I decided to keep my name but I use his name socially and at his daughter's school. It seems a lot more women are doing that now since we are getting married later and establishing ourselves financially and professionally before marriage.

 

[jewelryjunkie]

I really liked my husband's last name so I took it when we married. But 5 years later when my dad died I decided that I wanted to change my name to include my maiden name in honor of him. So my last name is now my maiden & married names with just a space, no hyphen.

jewelryjunkie

 

[Camellia]

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my opinion but I feel really strongly about this issue. I still have the name that I was born with and I've been married nearly 13 years (I was married when I was 25). I find women changing their names on marriage an anachronism in today's world. Taking on a husband's name historically was to indicate that the woman was a part of his goods and chattels. Prior to marriage she belonged to her father. Do we as women really want to perpetuate this notion? Women have been able to vote for the last 100 years, women have access to university educations which were once denied to them, women own property in their own right, need I go on? Changing one's name of marriage is a feudal tradition that should be done away with. Be proud of the name given to you on your birth!

To throw the spanner in the works, I also think children should be given the mother's surname. Here's to a matriarchal society!

 

[pearcrazy]

I took my husband's last name without a second thought. I did it as soon as I returned from my honeymoon. My legal name is First, Maiden, Last. I just dropped my given middle name. I'll hypenate when it suits me. Sorry Camillia, I don't feel the way you do about it at all but I'm not at all offended by your opinion, to each his own. I've also been married 13 years being 27 when I said "I do". Taking his name just made me feel like we were really one union. I wanted to do it and I don't feel like I gave up one iota of my personal identity. We have 3 children together and to me it's easier to have everyone with the same last name, not mommy with a different last name. It's a symbol of family unity to me.

Besides with that logic, you're still your father's "property" since I'm assuming that you were given his surname at birth. It was the act of marriage that made women the property of her husband not the change of name, so why get married at all? To me taking the name of the husband (who may later be the father) is just a way to tie a family together.

 

[Sparkster]

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On 10/19/2004 9:10:56 PM pearcrazy wrote:





Taking his name just made me feel like we were really one union. I wanted to do it and I don't feel like I gave up one iota of my personal identity. We have 3 children together and to me it's easier to have everyone with the same last name, not mommy with a different last name. It's a symbol of family unity to me.

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I think taking the husband's name is now more to do with tradition than anything else - just like brides still like wearing white, the father giving away the bride, and so on.

However, I do find it funny when women say it's about 'being one union'. If that was really the case, then why is it that it's women that change their name and not the men? Sure, some men now hyphenate their names with their new wife's name, but how many actually change take their wife's name and drop their own? I don't think men should expect their wife to change if they weren't willing to do the same thing.

 

[pearcrazy]

I look at it this way. I want all of my family members (meaning my children, hubby and me) to have the same last name. Tradition says it's the husbands name. So far so good. So now let's say when a couple gets married they join their names with a hypen. So Mary Smith marries John Jones. She becomes Mary Smith Jones and he becomes John Jones Smith? So now Mary and John have a daughter Susan. Susan is -lets say Susan Smith Jones. She marries Bob Harris-White. So now she's Susan Smith-Jones-Harris-White and her son after his marriage becomes Paul Smith-Jones-Harris-White-Taylor-Edwards. I mean how do you decide an order? If there is an established tradition of who takes whos name then there is an easy and logical way to trace family history. History says it's the man's name but who cares if it's the woman's, it could easily be. Good luck changing the tradition though.

 

[glitterata]

I kept my name, which I use professionally. My mother took my father's name, used it professionally, and ended up stuck with it after a bitter divorce. Even if I hadn't already been using my own name professionally for 20 years, I still would never risk having that happen to me.

Yes, I adore him, yes, I trust him, but what if I turn out to be wrong? I'm willing to gamble my heart, my home, and money, but I draw the line at my name.

It's sort of too bad, because I like his name better than mine.

Whatever the issues of professional identity and trust, I'm sufficiently of Camellia's opinion that changing my name to his wouldn't have been an option. He agrees, and would have been freaked out if I had wanted to. We briefly considered changing our names to some other name entirely, but we decided that would be too silly.

It annoys me deeply when people call me Mrs. His Name. I'm Ms. My Name, thank you very much. I make an exception for his elderly relatives who can't be expected to remember my name, though.

 

[icelady]

I did not change my name initially. My Dad was the oldest of 9 children AND the only boy! Then he had three daughters and NO sons. I felt a real responsibility to carry on our family name so I kept it and did not change it until well after our daughter was born. It became too complicated in the small town in which we live, and I did not want her to feel funny about us not having the same last name, so I decided to hyphenate it and add my husband's last name. My maiden name is also one of my daughter's middle names (she has two!). That way the family name will not be forgotten.

 

[Nicrez]

Sort of sad because I ADORE my mother's maiden name (and it's a hyphenate!) When I was little I begged my mother to let me legally change it to HER name. In the latin tradition (mostly in Spain) women actually KEEP their maiden names, and use the "de" (meaning "of") and then their married name, and the children get the married name, so it's a mouthful for mommy!

It would be like Isabel Maria Andrade (they love middle names) would marry Luis Serrano, and she would be Isabel Maria Andrade de Serrano. Try saying that three times fast!

 

[MrsFrk]

I did not change my name. I never considered doing so. My husband and I lived together for a long time and purchased a house, cars, etcetera before we married, so all of our legal stuff was in both of our names already. I feel that I was born with this name, and it is who I am. I am going to be a doctor in a few years, and I want that M.D. to be after my name, not someone else's. Every woman has to make their own decision, and I totally respect everyone who decides differently from me. My decision was very easy, and given very little thought- for us, this was the only way.

 

[Momoftwo]

I took my husband's name and never thought I'd do it any other way. You don't lose anything when you take on the new name. I was very proud of it and after 20+ years of marriage, I still am. He doesn't own me because of it and I'm still me. I think it makes things easier, especially with children. I don't think it's old fashioned at all. I only know a couple of women who kept their maiden names. One has been married 24 years and the other didn't get married til her late 30's and kept it because they'll never have children together and she's known in her field by her maiden name. It's definitely a tradition that is still going strong. Just like wedding dresses, engagement rings, and traditional weddings.

 

[Daniela]

I took his name for purely esthetic reason. However, had I had even one publication in my maiden name at the time, I wouldn't have done it.

 

[chrono]

I've kept my name as well. I was born with it and I will die with it. I see no reason for me to change my name. I mean, how would your husbands feel if he had to take your name when you get married? I'm guessing most men would feel insulted to even be asked this question yet many women are just itching to change their names to their husbands'.

I belong to me. I have my father's name because he is my parent (blood related). I would have no qualms either if I had my mother's name.

Why does this seem to be a one way street with name changing? For important & legal documents, it's no hassle at all to put both names on it.

I would like to apologize in advance if the manner in which I've stated my opinion seems rude and harsh. I'm just not good at being tactful.

 

[moremoremore]

Well, I took his name, legally...but I don't use it. I guess I planned on using it...it's a much more simple, nicer name....but I couldn't get used to it. So I call my dog 'spot' for 28 years, and now all of a sudden he's going to respond to 'fido'? (OK, not the BEST example LOL)... 2 1/2 years later, I still can't seem to use his name. Maybe that will change when (cringe) kids come along.

 

[reena]

this is going to sound weird but i really really don't like my last name (it's not a very feminine/attractive sounding name, IMO). so i'm looking forward to taking my honey's!

 

[rockupied]

Legally I took the man's last name and dropped my surname.

 

[verticalhorizon]

As a guy, I'm happy to see a good number of women keeping their names. Just from a 'pain in the arse' perspective, who would want to go through all that?

My FW's grandmother, a pioneer of her day, changed her married name. But she had established herself as a doctor and continued to be known as Dr. Her-Maiden-Name.

An interesting and related question, of course is... if you keep your maiden name... what name are the kids?

Answer: Guys last name.

[EDITED] Also, what I notice more and more, is that women will use their maiden name as their middle name or when they are mothers will pass down their maiden name as their daughter's middle name (like my FW).

If I were a woman, I would keep my name... but less for philosophical reasons. I would still answer to someone who referred to me as Mrs. so-and-so without much annoyance.

 

[icelady]

I actually know of two men that changed their name to the woman's last name. Both for different reasons, but I had to respect them for doing so, just as I respect any woman's decision whether it is to change her last name to her spouse's, or to keep her own!

It is a very personal decision, for me I just did what was right for me, without giving it a second thought.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Ok... I can respect a woman for not changing her name... but it's a bit foofy for a guy to change his name.

Double standard? You bet. Perfect. Hardly.

And don't even get me started on couples who morph both names into something new.