suspicions over e-ring

[wishinpink]

Date: 4/1/2009 1:56:54 PM
Author: looking4answers
Allycat: thanks very much for your post. It was not necessarily determined to be a mix up, I just came to the conclusion (based on the other ladies'' posts) that it was common to have a diamond grading report dated years before the proposal.

Like you stated, it is alot of coincidences (report dated when he was with the first fiancee and around the time of proposal to her). I would feel hurt more than livid if it turned out that my fears were true. Maybe men don''t get attached to the stone, and maybe it is costly to sell, but to me--I don''t want to be a part of whatever drama went on before me. I want my own story, my own stone, my own belief that he found the stone for me. I don''t care if the previous stone was a flawless 3K stunner--I would rather it be something that was intended for me. I''m not talking about antiques, I''m talking about going out and searching for a ring (ie stone and setting) for the person you intend to marry. Not one for some blank face in case it doesn''t work out with the person you happen to be proposing to. This would bother me very deeply, particularly the lying.

I don''t know what to think now, but I will read through the thread you posted...

Back then, were the diamonds inscribed with a number? Why don''t you check to see if the diamond in the report is indeed describing your diamond? Are you sure that report is for your diamond?

If it is indeed the correct report, it still doesn''t mean that he used the same diamond... it''s a possibility, but unnecessarily true! I think for sanity of mind, trust your husband!

If there''s extra money lying around, ask him for an upgrade in a few years!

Then you''ll know for sure the new one is completely ex-free.

 

[sofi]

Date: 4/1/2009 12:46:42 PM
Author: allycat0303
Well you''re probably going to hate me for this reply, but this is what I HONESTLY think.

We had this exact situation a few years ago on Pricescope. She accused. He denied. She accused and searched for proof. He denied. She accused again, and he ADMITTED it was the ex''s stone. I don''t remember what happened after, or how they resolved.

If I was in the exact same context as you, I would not even ask my husband if it was her ring. Because I would be 100% convinced and nothing he could say or do would sway me. When you think about it logically, spending thousands of dollars on a stone, and then not using it is a waste. Unless he had a life-time-tradeup but he said he sold it at a diamond district, so chances are he would have eaten a huge loss. Men are not sentimental about the stone, and I''m sure even if a man lies about it, to him it''s a small white lie, no harm, no foul, and thousands of dollars saved. And I don''t think everyone is always 110% honest with their spouses. Even us woman.

And I am not saying that I wouldn''t be mad. I would be LIVID. But eight years ago graded, he was with her....too many coincidences for me. I would be hurt, I would be angry, but I would find a way to move past it.

I get the whole ex thing though. My fiance dated someone else when he was 16 years old. 16 years old! Likely he was as stupid as a turnip and it lasted for 6 months. I get these insane urges to try and find her on facebook to see how she''s doing. Only because I had a massive crush on him back then, and he was with her and didn''t know I existed. And she was definitely the *pretty, popular one*. How ridiculous is that? I''m 29 years old and we''ve been together for 13 years!

Try (I know this hard) to think about it this way, she made him realize what was missing in his life.

Good luck! (let me see if I can dig up that massive thread for you)

ETA: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/advice-friend-received-an-exs-e-ring.36599/ well this is one of them, I think there was another. Just read it was a mix-up, so glad it turned out well for you.

I think I remember the poster you are thinking of. She ended up with a lovely new ring.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/guessing-the-size-of-stone-just-by-looking-at-a-picture.91698/


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/hibiscus-here-the-center-round-center-stone-is-finally-replaced-past-is-put-to-rest.94172/

 

[allycat0303]

Sofi,

Oh my gosh yes! That was it. I knew that this had happened more then once. It struck me because the whole time I was like, ''''He''s so obviously lying

'''' Not even a discussion in my mind.

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/1/2009 2:05:34 PM
Author: rosebud10


Back then, were the diamonds inscribed with a number? Why don''t you check to see if the diamond in the report is indeed describing your diamond? Are you sure that report is for your diamond?

If it is indeed the correct report, it still doesn''t mean that he used the same diamond... it''s a possibility, but unnecessarily true! I think for sanity of mind, trust your husband!

If there''s extra money lying around, ask him for an upgrade in a few years!

Then you''ll know for sure the new one is completely ex-free.

Interesting suggestion. You''d know the stone was intended for you.... 100% without a doubt... but that still wouldn''t solve the insecurities you might feel... because it wouldn''t answer the question of whether or not he lied about the stone in your ring''s origins. I get your pain. I do. But here is another thing I get. I don''t know who called off the old wedding.. and why they didn''t get married - and I know 2 men that went through this situation. One, got rejected after the girl took 10+ days to THINK about it... come on.. if you are thinking that long, the answer is NO... HELLO!

The other was engaged for well over a year. She gave the ring back when she left him. The relationship was strained, full of drama. He wanted to make it work, and held onto the ring in hope. It didn''t work out after a few months he gave up (um, yes, this girl was a psycho!). In the end, he resented her... and sold the ring. The loss of the money didn''t matter. He didn''t want anything around to remind him of this girl... anywhere. No amount of money lost, no matter how practical to keep it in hopes for the future someone.. was worth seeing something he wanted (a marriage with her - craziness and all), thrown back in his face (she returned the ring). He sold it and got 60% back.. and still paid down the debt afterwards. He ended up later, meeting a much nicer girl... and they waited FOREVER because he was afraid something weird was going to happen. Waiting for Nice girl to snap. So he ended up dating this girl a couple of years.. and got her a ring.. and they are now married. She is not wearing the exes ring. I don''t know if he ever told her the same story I was there for... or if she has doubts. He wouldn''t talk to her about it anyway because the whole thing was pretty painful for him... and he''d likely be hurt if she asked.

I think your guy is on the up and up. There are plenty of diamonds that have been turned in with the original GIA report for trade up - re-sell etc. and a jeweler will not spend the money to get a diamond regraded... I think you should trust your man... and if you don''t... go ahead and upgrade!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/1/2009 6:10:37 PM
Author: tlh

I think your guy is on the up and up. There are plenty of diamonds that have been turned in with the original GIA report for trade up - re-sell etc. and a jeweler will not spend the money to get a diamond regraded... I think you should trust your man... and if you don't... go ahead and upgrade!

Spoken like a true PS-er!! LOVE IT!

I don't blame you for being a bit 'weird' over the date on the GIA cert, and I don't think you should feel bad for looking at the cert.
I feel incredibly proprietal (sp?) over my diamond, and as far as I'm concerned, the GIA report is part of the diamond purchase - it's not my man's certificate, it's mine!!!

Therefore, I don't really even consider it snooping that you picked up on the GIA cert. It's a gift that was given to you, and the cert and diamond belong to you.

Sorry for teasing you, Girlie-Girl, by the way!

But I'm just the type to NEED to see the GIA, I mean we are on PS for a reason, I can't imagine not being privy to the stats on my own ring!!

I think we each in turn play the part of the 'glamorous previous girlfriend'... and the injured party that is left to pick up after, and keep going with the 'damaged goods' boyfriend. I know I refused a ring from a previous boyfriend, and I know he kept it with his stuff. I would hate to think his current partner spends - or spent - even a MINUTE of anxiety about my part in this ex's life. It's not at all fair on her. And personally, she can have him!!!

 

[girlie-girl]

Thanks for clarifying that you were teasing Lara, I appreciate you saying so.

I also wanted to add I didn't personally think Looking was snooping. She had said if she asked her husband about the certificate that he'd say she was snooping. To me, if it's in my house and I've not specifically been told to not look... it's fair game. LOL

Being a girl that did all the legwork on her diamond and setting, I completely understand having the need to see the certificate and know the stats, etc. I just really want Looking (and everyone else) to be able to have open communication with her husband, no matter her fears of what he might say etc. We all can sympathize and make her feel better temporarily, but it's up to the two of them to straighten these feelings out.

Nonetheless, I hope you stick around PS!