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suspicions over e-ring

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looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
New here, and sort of have a dilemma. I'm newly married and DH is older. He was engaged before. I've always felt a little competitive with the ex (she is no longer in the picture, so it's more to do with the idea of her). It seemed more passionate with her.

Anyway, I was going through some boxes (we live together) and among a box of OUR stuff found a GIA certificate copy. I assumed it was for my diamond, and it described a stone which looked to be around the same specs as mine (from what I can remember DH telling me). But I spotted a date on the top left which is over 8 years ago (a specific date and year). Now, I'm trying to stay rationale. The date is very small, maybe it is refering to something else like the date the disclaimer was written (date is above disclaimer)? But I can't get the doubt out of my head since this was around the time DH was with his ex-fiancee.

I'm not sure what I'm thinking here--could it be the same stone he used for my ring? I would have a problem with that since he told me it was not. Or could he have just bought a similar one. Just need some feedback b/c my mind is racing and maybe I'm not thinking right. Scared to ask him b/c he will say I snooped and none of my business and I could be way off. Still no matter what, I wish he would not hold onto all these memories of her.

PS sorry if this post is in the wrong area..
 

NewEnglandLady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
6,299
The date is most likely when the diamond was graded, not when it was bought. The date was on the GIA grading report, correct? Not a receipt or appraisal?
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
Yes, on the grading report. Wouldn''t it be graded after it was bought? I''m confused. The date is 1999. We met in 2003. He and his fiance broke up in 2000.

Their website allows you to confirm the report by putting in report # and carat. I put in what I think is the report number (only ID# I can see--it looks like the format has changed from the template on their website) and nothing. It says its database only goes as far back as 2000.
 

summertime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 6, 2008
Messages
202
Date: 4/1/2009 9:22:18 AM
Author: looking4answers
Yes, on the grading report. Wouldn''t it be graded after it was bought? I''m confused. The date is 1999. We met in 2003. He and his fiance broke up in 2000.

Their website allows you to confirm the report by putting in report # and carat. I put in what I think is the report number (only ID# I can see--it looks like the format has changed from the template on their website) and nothing. It says its database only goes as far back as 2000.
Unlikely; it would have been graded before it was bought. Otherwise, you would have no idea what you were buying!
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
ok but 8 years before? He was with his previous fiancee as of the date on this report, or what I''m interpreting as the date. I''m hoping the date refers to something else.
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
Okay, I''m getting out my GIA cert...
On the top left hand corner it has the GIA logo and name
directly underneath is the words (in blue) ''diamond grading report''
then, the next line of text is the date...
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
The date refers to when it was graded. Could have been the same stone if it were from before- but a guy on rocky talky was looking at purchasing a stone w/ a GIA report from 2002... a diamond is not constantly re-graded. Once it is graded it could sit in inventory for some time... diamonds are inventory that does not spoil. The stores may even trade diamonds for others that didn''t move... and some stores have trade-in policies that can result in a diamond shuffle.

I know you are having one of those female moments, but this is not cause for concern.
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
on this report the date is in smaller text directly to the left of the words "Diamond Grading Report".

Am I correct to think this is the stone he bought around 8 yrs ago for his ex? What would you do?
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
Yes, it really comes down to when the diamond was GRADED.
Perhaps the diamond has been resold several times, (or perhaps not sold at all) before it reached your jeweller, whom you bought it off...
if you have a look at the variety of GIA cert diamonds available on line, you''ll see all kinds of dates on the certs...
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
tlh: thank you for the info. I don''t think this is a female moment--as stated I have some insecurities to do with his previous fiancee (long story) and this is not the kind of thing I want to find or think. I haven''t said a word to him, wanted to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing first. I never bought a diamond, so was not sure how to read this report, but logic (not expereince) told me a date was in relation to purchase. The date is around when he was previously engaged, so geesh, what am I supposed to think?

the diamond was purchased from the diamond district in NYC, that much i know. We were engaged 2.5 years ago.
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
Date: 4/1/2009 9:41:08 AM
Author: LaraOnline
Yes, it really comes down to when the diamond was GRADED.
Perhaps the diamond has been resold several times, (or perhaps not sold at all) before it reached your jeweller, whom you bought it off...
if you have a look at the variety of GIA cert diamonds available on line, you''ll see all kinds of dates on the certs...
thanks lara. If you don''t mind me asking, is the date on your report around the year you were engaged or far off?

sorry to sound paranoid, but this is something i need to feel secure about (and hoping to do so without having to go to him).
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
It really has to be speculation.
The date on my GIA cert is from Feb this year, so obviously that proves my diamond is new on the market, but apart from that, the date can't really directly prove anything...

ETA: I bought this diamond (upgrade ering) a few weeks ago...

I would try not to fret (easier said than done).
My husband proposed to another girl once, but because I deeply know that the scenario wasn't right for him (hey, I just get the feeling) I have happily worn this little ring as a RHR for our entire relationship!
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Honestly, I think you are putting WAY too much thought into this. If he tries to sell the stone, he won't get anywhere near what it is worth. To men, it's just a stone. No more than a sparklie rock. We are the ones who attach the sentimentality to the diamond. IF THIS IS the diamond from the previous gal, I think your husband did the practical thing...especially if it is a gorgeous diamond. He paid good money for it, put it away, and eventually gave it to the woman he loves and wound up marrying.

He is not "holding onto memories" of her, but YOU are. He didn't marry her, he married you.
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Oh, and BTW, the GIA report from my first engagement ring was dated 1998, and we had purchased the diamond in 2002. The date on the report doesn''t mean much unless it''s an AGS ideal cut.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Looking: PLEASE read what everyone has said. It was the date a diamond was GRADED. If I purchase a diamond today, the report could be from last week or 10 years ago. There is no way to know if it was purchased right after being graded or many years after. So anything at this point is pure speculation.
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16

well the problem is he assured me it was a new stone, not hers. This was back when we got engaged and without me asking that question. He told me how he scoured the district for this stone and that he sold the previous one. I would feel betrayed if he lied.


To me it means something. I was an LIW for a long time. I went through a lot and I need to know he gave me something that was for me and found for me. I don''t want a stone from a first love. I''m not judging others, this is just how I feel about it for various reasons.


however if this is my stone and I"m misinterpreting what I''m reading..then ya, I will sheepishly back away. I jsut think if he bought this in the district of NYC (heavy activity), the stone would be new.


Neat: just read your post. Ok, thanks for talking some sense into me. Maybe you are right.

 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Date: 4/1/2009 10:00:44 AM
Author: looking4answers

however if this is my stone and I'm misinterpreting what I'm reading..then ya, I will sheepishly back away. I jsut think if he bought this in the district of NYC (heavy activity), the stone would be new.



Neat: just read your post. Ok, thanks for talking some sense into me. Maybe you are right.

This is a misconception. Read what you just said about him: He sold the other stone. There are TONS of people who do trade ins, sell old stones, etc. in the DD. Meaning there are many many stones floating around with older grading reports.

Personally I would just let sleeping dogs lie at this point. The woman is out of the picture and it is YOUR insecurity that is causing this. He loves you very much and I wouldn't potentially ruin a relationship by digging up old dirt. But that is just me.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but because we can't be sure, I would just let it go.
 

NewEnglandLady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
6,299
Yes, the date under the heading that says "Diamond Grading Report" is simpy the date it was graded. Diamonds are graded before they are sent to vendors--otherwise you'd be buying an uncertified diamond.

My stone was graded in 2003, nearly 4 years before we bought it. Another stone I saw was graded in 1998 and was a trade-in (she bought it in 2000 and upgraded in 2006)--the owner of the store wasn't going to send it back in to be re-graded just to have a more recent report.

If he told you it is not the same stone, why not give your husband the benefit of the doubt?
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Date: 4/1/2009 10:00:44 AM
Author:

however if this is my stone and I'm misinterpreting what I'm reading..then ya, I will sheepishly back away. I jsut think if he bought this in the district of NYC (heavy activity), the stone would be new.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but diamonds are millions of years old!


Seriously though, if he told you he purchased it for you, you need to have faith in your brand new husband and accept what he told you as the truth. Let it go, and know that there are tons of diamonds out there with reports that are at least 10 years old being sold in the diamond district as I write this. Having the cert updated to current standards means the diamond has to be regraded in some cases (GIA has changed their criteria over the years), and that gets expensive. So a jeweler will just keep stock with old certs and only update if the client requests it, usually at an additional few hundred dollars cost. Oh, and NewEnglandLady made a good point...diamonds do get traded in for upgrades. For all anyone knows the stones in each of our rings could have been worn by several different people by the time we get them. Especially mine. It's an antique diamond, so I know for a fact I am not the first bride to receive it.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Date: 4/1/2009 9:44:42 AM
Author: LaraOnline
It really has to be speculation.

The date on my GIA cert is from Feb this year, so obviously that proves my diamond is new on the market, but apart from that, the date can''t really directly prove anything...


ETA: I bought this diamond (upgrade ering) a few weeks ago...


I would try not to fret (easier said than done).

My husband proposed to another girl once, but because I deeply know that the scenario wasn''t right for him (hey, I just get the feeling) I have happily worn this little ring as a RHR for our entire relationship!
Actually the stone might not be new to the market. That''s what others have said. It just means that it was graded recently. That stone could have been bought/sold/recut before it ever got to the GIA for grading.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Date: 4/1/2009 10:08:20 AM
Author: Winks_Elf

Date: 4/1/2009 10:00:44 AM
Author:

however if this is my stone and I''m misinterpreting what I''m reading..then ya, I will sheepishly back away. I jsut think if he bought this in the district of NYC (heavy activity), the stone would be new.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but diamonds are millions of years old!


Seriously though, if he told you he purchased it for you, you need to have faith in your brand new husband and accept what he told you as the truth. Let it go, and know that there are tons of diamonds out there with reports that are at least 10 years old being sold in the diamond district as I write this. Having the cert updated to current standards means the diamond has to be regraded in some cases (GIA has changed their criteria over the years), and that gets expensive. So a jeweler will just keep stock with old certs and only update if the client requests it, usually at an additional few hundred dollars cost. Oh, and NewEnglandLady made a good point...diamonds do get traded in for upgrades. For all anyone knows the stones in each of our rings could have been worn by several different people by the time we get them. Especially mine. It''s an antique diamond, so I know for a fact I am not the first bride to receive it.
Read what winks says. She knows what she is talking about, she works for a jeweler - wont name drop!
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
ok, looks like it was just a weird coincidence (date of grading report being around the time he got engaged to first fiancee).

thanks for helping to clarify. Good thing I''m came to you guys before confronting DH without having the facts 100% on my side.

thanks again.
 

girlie-girl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 29, 2008
Messages
819
I don''t mean to come across harsh, but it sounds to me like you need to let go of whatever it is you have about his ex. Do you trust your husband or not? Were you ''snooping''? If you are snooping and being suspicious of him, try to reach deep in to yourself and figure out why. Are there real things to be concerned of with regard to him, or just your insecurities? The sooner you resolve this, the better it will be for everyone. No matter what your feelings, always try and keep the lines of communication open. Never allow yourself to be too afraid to ask a question, it''s just not healthy.

Hopefully you feel better about the grading report after what everyone has said. Good luck!
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
Date: 4/1/2009 10:47:59 AM
Author: girlie-girl
I don''t mean to come across harsh, but it sounds to me like you need to let go of whatever it is you have about his ex. Do you trust your husband or not? Were you ''snooping''? If you are snooping and being suspicious of him, try to reach deep in to yourself and figure out why. Are there real things to be concerned of with regard to him, or just your insecurities? The sooner you resolve this, the better it will be for everyone. No matter what your feelings, always try and keep the lines of communication open. Never allow yourself to be too afraid to ask a question, it''s just not healthy.


Hopefully you feel better about the grading report after what everyone has said. Good luck!
girlie-girl is lucky and has never had a jealous moment about the one she loves.
Others of us know and sympathise with your feelings. Don''t be down on yourself! But don''t worry about it any more, either!

L.
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
those are fair questions girlie, and some of them i need to think about. Actually i have thought about them for some time, but identifying an issue does not make it go away. I have some insecurities and at times, like I don't measure up to the first fiancee. I could start a whole new thread on this topic. I'm reading some self-help books to try to deal with this--or at least take a stab.

on this particular issue however, no i was not snooping. We just moved and there are boxes everywhere. I don't think I should feel like I'm snooping when I need to unpack and we're married so everything is mixed up (moved from place where we were living together to this new home). The report was with all our stuff...not a pile of his "old personal items" so to speak. Although I can't promise I wouldn't peek if I did bump into that! But no, I wasn't digging through his personal areas or anything.

as for DH, he is private by nature and non-expressive, so sometimes communication isn't always so open. So this combined with my own insecurties and general nature (I tend to be a suspicious person), is some of what is going on. Geesh, I sound like a basket case!
 

girlie-girl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 29, 2008
Messages
819
Date: 4/1/2009 11:13:14 AM
Author: LaraOnline


girlie-girl is lucky and has never had a jealous moment about the one she loves.
Others of us know and sympathise with your feelings. Don''t be down on yourself! But don''t worry about it any more, either!

L.
It''s easy to see how quickly statements are misinterpreted.
I never said I''ve not had a jealous moment, I was merely trying to get Looking to answer things for herself. Mainly I was hoping to focus on the communication part... guess I failed in that attempt. Not sure why you felt the need to reply so harshly to me, but anyway.

Either way, my apologies if you felt I was being down on you as that was not my intent. Sometimes we get feelings about something and rather than talking to the person who could ease our concerns, we get all tormented and worked up inside. Often times we worry for nothing and other tiimes our concerns are genuine. Problem is the only way to solve that is by talking with the other person about it. Open communication doesn''t always come easy, but I think it''s essential.

I wish you the best and hope you''re able to feel some comfort soon.
You know we''re a bunch of diamond junkies here, we''d love to see your ring if you''d like to share.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,255
Well you're probably going to hate me for this reply, but this is what I HONESTLY think.

We had this exact situation a few years ago on Pricescope. She accused. He denied. She accused and searched for proof. He denied. She accused again, and he ADMITTED it was the ex's stone. I don't remember what happened after, or how they resolved.

If I was in the exact same context as you, I would not even ask my husband if it was her ring. Because I would be 100% convinced and nothing he could say or do would sway me. When you think about it logically, spending thousands of dollars on a stone, and then not using it is a waste. Unless he had a life-time-tradeup but he said he sold it at a diamond district, so chances are he would have eaten a huge loss. Men are not sentimental about the stone, and I'm sure even if a man lies about it, to him it's a small white lie, no harm, no foul, and thousands of dollars saved. And I don't think everyone is always 110% honest with their spouses. Even us woman.

And I am not saying that I wouldn't be mad. I would be LIVID. But eight years ago graded, he was with her....too many coincidences for me. I would be hurt, I would be angry, but I would find a way to move past it.

I get the whole ex thing though. My fiance dated someone else when he was 16 years old. 16 years old! Likely he was as stupid as a turnip and it lasted for 6 months. I get these insane urges to try and find her on facebook to see how she's doing. Only because I had a massive crush on him back then, and he was with her and didn't know I existed. And she was definitely the *pretty, popular one*. How ridiculous is that? I'm 29 years old and we've been together for 13 years!

Try (I know this hard) to think about it this way, she made him realize what was missing in his life.

Good luck! (let me see if I can dig up that massive thread for you)

ETA: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/advice-friend-received-an-exs-e-ring.36599/ well this is one of them, I think there was another. Just read it was a mix-up, so glad it turned out well for you.
 

looking4answers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16
Allycat: thanks very much for your post. It was not necessarily determined to be a mix up, I just came to the conclusion (based on the other ladies' posts) that it was common to have a diamond grading report dated years before the proposal.

Like you stated, it is alot of coincidences (report dated when he was with the first fiancee and around the time of proposal to her). I would feel hurt more than livid if it turned out that my fears were true. Maybe men don't get attached to the stone, and maybe it is costly to sell, but to me--I don't want to be a part of whatever drama went on before me. I want my own story, my own stone, my own belief that he found the stone for me. I don't care if the previous stone was a flawless 3K stunner--I would rather it be something that was intended for me. I'm not talking about antiques, I'm talking about going out and searching for a ring (ie stone and setting) for the person you intend to marry. Not one for some blank face in case it doesn't work out with the person you happen to be proposing to. This would bother me very deeply, particularly the lying.

I don't know what to think now, but I will read through the thread you posted...
 
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