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STALKED..a cautionary tale/ Please read

AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
My husband has a police type flashlight, put it on the guy's face... and kept it there as he drove away. Husband was shining flashlight from our window. That was awhile back....this guy is so persistant, even though he knows we know he's out there, he keeps coming back.
I tried to snap his photo on Friday am...but of course had stupid phone in selfie mode. But at least to him it looked like I was taking his pic or video.
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,365
You might ask about the security of your home network. Is your internet safe or did he manage to get access to view (possibly through wifi or compromised computers?). Another thing that I was thinking of as I read your posts again this morning is about security of your cameras. A neighbor recently had her Nest cameras hacked and someone was watching them through the cameras. There are steps to take to make sure your system is safe. I'm not familiar with them, but the police or another security expert should be able to help you make sure he can't use your safety measures to get further access.

Also, do you park in your garage or on the street? A comment above made me think about the small tracking devices available now. If he has done this much already, I would worry about him attaching a small tracker to your car.
Yes - change all passwords! Use a password-protected or thumbprint-protected password manager on your phone or something so you can make them super secure. Change your email password and that your recovery email addresses all go to you and not any new/different accounts. Put two-factor authentication on everything. If you leave things logged in on your laptop, never leave it unattended - take it and your phone with you every single time you leave your desk at work and sleep with them both in your bedroom. If not too inconvenient, carry it in a laptop bag with you even when shopping to ensure that he doesn’t get access. Be sure to check it for keyloggers.

I personally keep all home cameras pointed outside just to be safe - we only plug in the ones inside when we go out of town. You may want to get indoor ones that you plug in daily, if you remember to unplug them when you are home. We also don’t have any smart devices that “listen” to us - dunno if stalkers could hack those but not taking the chance.

If his actions are already a felony in your state - I would go ahead and call a PI today to get countersurveillance going (maybe the deputy you spoke to earlier can recommend one?) so you can get the plate without you or your husband having to put yourself at risk.
 

sarahb

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 20, 2012
Messages
1,773
Am so sorry you are dealing with this in your life, it is so frightening. I hope you can get it resolved and get back to your 'normal' life as quickly as possible. What is wrong with people??:nono:
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,451
This is the scariest thing ever. Like ever. I hope you can catch this guy asap & that he turns out to be a harmless nut job who fancies himself as a PI or something weird.

My fingers are very much crossed for you. Just reading your posts makes my flesh crawl. Lots of fantastic advice given in this thread so far. Stay safe & gentle hugs to you.
 

Slick1

Brilliant_Rock
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Joined
Jan 3, 2013
Messages
1,573
I am truly sorry that you have to live in such fear. I don’t blame you one bit. You’ve gotten a lot of great advice about security, some of which I will implement as well.
I wanted to add that years ago we had a gentleman who would sit in his car near my house watching someone/thing...I called the PD and they told me he was a PI watching the couple up the street. Apparently they have to let the local PD know they are there. What has your police told you?
Sending you energy and hugs to sanely and safely get through this.
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
3,776
This is horrible for you.
On the “balance” of his activities it would seem he is a weirdo who likes to watch. He is getting his thrills knowing that you are upset and concerned about his watching you. He is also engaging in innocuous behaviour - it’s not against the law to stop outside of people’s houses, it’s not illegal to drive your car behind another car, it’s not illegal to use a driveway to do a 3 point turn or stop briefly to check a map or a phone message. He knows this.
I certainly wouldn’t recommend carrying a gun outside your property, shooting someone who is just watching you or driving a car behind you would be murder. Him being a freaky weirdo doesn’t mean you can shoot him.
certainly carry pepper spray and a very powerful torch. Be aware but not paranoid.
If he comes onto or into your property, then certainly you can react with extreme force, but he won’t. That’s not his game.
I would suggest just trying to carry on as if you don’t notice him. The ”thrill” will wear off, you will no longer be “any fun” and he will move onto another target.
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
In my mind I also fantasize about getting a laser scope and pointing at his face o_O

Obviously not reality
 

AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
My neighbor has video, he is going thru right now to see what he's got from Thursday and Friday.
Pull in my driveway at 3 am once, ok. Same car, multiple times in 2 months and now following me NOT innocuous. My street is private, not public. Once you turn on my street you are on private property. My state law clearly defines stalking and this mans actions meet the definition.
I would never use deadly force unless it was truly him or me.
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
My neighbor has video, he is going thru right now to see what he's got from Thursday and Friday.
Pull in my driveway at 3 am once, ok. Same car, multiple times in 2 months and now following me NOT innocuous. My street is private, not public. Once you turn on my street you are on private property. My state law clearly defines stalking and this mans actions meet the definition.
I would never use deadly force unless it was truly him or me.
Hire an off duty police officer to sit at the beginning of the private drive
 

AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
Hire an off duty police officer to sit at the beginning of the private drive
I'll look into that! Found a local PI, but they want a $2500 retainer to start. I'll see how much an off duty would cost. The local sheriff office is also doing random drive through too..

Dash cams installed in car now, hopefully I'll get that plate.
 

OoohShiny

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Messages
6,693
If it's a private road, do you have a residents' association that you could seek assistance from, perhaps to get the word out to everyone and to consider options they might be able to implement?

Could you create a gated community of sorts?
 

AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
No homeowners assoc, just 5 residences on acreage on a private road, a cul de sac. All homeowners own a portion of the road.
We went to all neighbors today with flyer with photo of type and color of vehicle. One neighbor just let me know he has video of me leaving my house and that guy turning in my driveway and following me Thursday a.m. can't see plate, but at least have video to show police what happened.
 

Elizabeth35

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
293
I am obviously not any type of expert in this situation.
But why not call the sheriff while he is sitting in your driveway?
And if you see him parked by your house or following you—-can you not call your local authorities? Unless you think he has a gun, maybe simply pull into a driveway and call police/sheriff with a description of the car? That way they could pull him over since they have real time info on his location.

And in no way am I advising, just wondering if there is perhaps a way to notify authorities in the situation (in addition to recording).
 

Elizabeth35

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
293
The other thought I had, and I realize it sounds as if you live in an unincorporated/rural area, if you are being followed how close is the nearest sheriffs office or police department?
Where I live the common advice is to drive to a PD if you are being followed. If no PD nearby, then head to a gas station and ask them to call the sheriff/PD.
Just a way to feel somewhat safer while driving.
 

OoohShiny

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Messages
6,693
re: driving, see if there is an Advanced Driving provider in your area, or perhaps even a full-on defensive driving course - if you can learn to do things like power-slide, J-turn, recover from a skid, read the traffic and plan ahead well in advance of what it will do, and maybe even know what to do to push another vehicle off the road in a worst case scenario, you will feel (and be) safer and more confident, and because ladies who can drive 'properly' are hot, you will be even more attractive to your husband ;-) LOL :lol: :D


I'm trying to find what I'm looking for but there are a million hits for Average Jo(e) training (either New Driver or some sort of Court Ordered training or online-only) but not much for actual hands-on skid control etc. You want this sort of thing:


although IMO actual physical skid training is better than the ones with the rigs that lift wheels off the road etc.

Do you have a dirt track racing venue nearby that might offer an opportunity to drive your own car to its limits in a low-grip environment?

I'm not sure if @sledge might be able to assist, being motor-minded and on your side of the pond!


EDIT: Here you go, this sort of thing is what I am thinking of:

http://www.skidschool.us/

https://driveteam.com/


This one is UK-based and covers everything but they may be able to provide local training or advise on a good alternative provider:

https://mobius.international/rospa-advanced-driving-course/
 
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AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
I'm actually a very good driver, know how to do a pit maneuver, etc. Knowing cars as well as I do, I know mine has a bigger engine and more HP than his. (My vehicle is very commonly used by police departments.)

I am rural, so even 911 is a hassle as I have to be transferred to the county.
Talked to another deputy tonight, he says he has no doubt this man has bad intentions.
Deputy says we need plate to pursue legal action.

My neighbor says video from the next morning, Fri, shows guy was at my house at 525 AM, sitting in my driveway, no doubt waiting for me to leave. He left, went to next block, waited then headed back to my house...which is when my husband and I saw him.
We now have the video of him following me on a USB drive to give the police.
 

Weecam

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
497
Man this is so scary....
I don’t have anything to add because of all the great advice from everyone. Pricescope is such a wonderful forum.
Please take care and I hope this gets resolved very soon.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
4,555
Wth. I hope this guy ends up locked up. I'm a bit surprised that the police can't do anything with all that you've already been through. I wouldn't be able to handle it to be honest. I'd be at a secure penthouse hotel suite or something. I couldn't handle that emotionally or physically. Take care. I'm hoping for the easiest best solution for you.
 

redwood66

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
6,456
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You have lots of great advice here and it sounds like you are being very proactive in your safety. Take care and I hope this gets handled soon.
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
I'll look into that! Found a local PI, but they want a $2500 retainer to start. I'll see how much an off duty would cost. The local sheriff office is also doing random drive through too..

Dash cams installed in car now, hopefully I'll get that plate.
I had to hire and off duty police officer for a funeral (eek and I had a body guard too lol... one day over wine we shall talk)... it was reasonable.

And forget the beginning of the drive— maybe have him park in your driveway.
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
Oh, I have the ring system and they have the ring video motion detector flood light cam with alarm you can set off from the app.

So if it told you he was in you driveway, whatever, you could set the alarm off (it’s LOUD) and also let the neighbors know he is around, etc.

Might be worth a thought
 

maita13

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2015
Messages
344
No one should have to live this way, @AnnaNMoss. The reality is there are people in this world who mean to do evil deeds for no reason at all. And that makes me really angry!! The crazies who have no regard for other people’s lives or their own, for that matter, don’t comprehend the consequences of their actions. Clearly this man is not mentally stable and am just glad that you and your community are doing everything to have this man apprehended.

This thread is chock full of excellent advice and therefore, have nothing more to add other than to wish you the best in getting this man locked up.
Stay safe.
 

AnnaNMoss

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
36
Oh, I have the ring system and they have the ring video motion detector flood light cam with alarm you can set off from the app.

So if it told you he was in you driveway, whatever, you could set the alarm off (it’s LOUD) and also let the neighbors know he is around, etc.

Might be worth a thought
Husband went with a different brand, but I think the ring light would be perfect!!! My neighbors are all aware and all voicing concern for their families as well, so do not think the alarm would bother them. Off to check on that now. Can I just get the motion detector light? I do not need the doorbell thing.


Oh and chilling with some wine is very appealing right now!
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
8,467
Do you have anyone who can stay with you for a bit? I know your husband is there, but I am thinking that it would give extra coverage so if he has to work late or is in the shower or whatever you have another set of eyes/ears and defense available. Make sure trusted co-workers know and stick with others at all times. Public restrooms and other places can be isolated enough for bad things to happen!

I would gladly take time to have lunch/coffee/dinner/overnight or anything else if a friend needed. I am sure you have people around you who would do the same! (I would do it for you in a heartbeat if you were in my area and wanted me!)
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
Husband went with a different brand, but I think the ring light would be perfect!!! My neighbors are all aware and all voicing concern for their families as well, so do not think the alarm would bother them. Off to check on that now. Can I just get the motion detector light? I do not need the doorbell thing.


Oh and chilling with some wine is very appealing right now!
Yes and to store it on the ring app is fairly cheap, definitely worth the expense. You have to pay to store it or you won’t be able to retrieve it. It was very easy to install and you get the neighborhood alerts so you can network with other ring owners in your area, (anonymously)
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
20,043
This thread is a thing of nightmares.

There are luggage tracking devices you can carry with you in your purse/pocket/shoe... your husband can install an app and track it at all times, you can set up alerts, etc. This stalker will know to deactivate your phone(s) but he isn’t going to think to check you for non-phone trackers.

Gego tracker: gego.io
 
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partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,261
This is scary and this is serious. I hope you get the plates soon. I think it is possibly worth if you are able to have rivate enforcement checking cars going in and out of that private road, specifically to get his plates and ideally also photo ID Then law enforcement can identify him. If he is camping out at 3 am, 5:30 he is not doing this as a prank. Good luck, and stay safe.
 

whitewave

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
8,814
What about putting spike strips on your driveway at night? I saw several on amazon and Etsy (called ninja caltrops)

ETA: these seem like fun. I might get some just to have just in case.

ETA: also, I’d put them under your windows for sure. If he bleeds, you now have DNA
 
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