So spill! How many times have you upgraded/will you upgrade?

[Laila619]

Date: 8/22/2008 11:27:59 AM
Author: rob09
I guess that upgrading the ring in terms of a bigger stone while engaged makes sense if the initial ring was not meant to be the ''final one'' in the first place. I really would like to hear a ''good'' reason though for why people may get a bigger stone for their e-ring before getting married. Anyone?

rob, most of the people who ''upgraded'' during engagement did not change the diamond. They just changed the setting for various reasons: wrong metal color, to make it sit more flush with a wedding band, etc. I did this myself (got white gold and am allergic so I switched to yellow gold) and my fiance did not mind one bit.

 

[Mrs.Hall(almost)]

Well in my case, it is just as you described. We are young and simply got what we could afford at the given time. We came into a lump sum of money and my Fiance and I decided to upgrade 30 points. Is this my last upgrade? Nope, he wants me to have my dream ring before we get married. Will I ever change my wedding band? Absolutely not, that is where my sentiment lies! Just as your socioeconomic status changes and you get a nicer car, a bigger home, what''s the problem with a nicer ring if both have consented? By the way I think that it is extremely unfair to assume that those that upgrade during an engagement are somehow, gold diggers or selfish, I know my words not yours, but you were thinking it?

Sweeping assumptions are not cool.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 8/22/2008 11:33:08 AM
Author: Laila619

The ring is just a ring though. The love and commitment is the foundation of the relationship, not a piece of jewelry. So I don't see changing the setting of an engagement ring to be that big of a deal. You're still just as married, whether you have the original rings, new rings, or no rings! I think most men just want their women to be happy with their rings! So if a change is in order, then so be it.

Ditto. If DH wants to change his ring, I could care less, LOL. He's sentimental about my diamond, but more because he picked it then because we got married with it, if that makes sense?

The ring's just the symbol of our marriage.

ETA: People and marriages grow and change, why shouldn't the symbol? Finances allowing, LOL.

 

[just_looking!]

I''m very attached to my engagement ring and can''t imagine upgrading it, but right hand rings are another story!!

 

[elle_chris]

When my husband and I were first married, I didn''t have an e-ring.
My wedding band was, still is, and always will be, the most important piece of jewelry i own.

2 years ago (2 years into the marriage) he got me my "e-ring". I knew it was coming as he asked what i wanted. Unfortunately i said "large". Well, I got what i wanted. The stone however was heavily included with one specific carbon spot (i guess that''s what it was?) smack in the middle.

This past Feb. we decided it was time for another stone. While this one is 1/2ct bigger, I don''t consider it an "upgrade" as I never had an e-ring initially. And because i can''t wear this one with my wedding band, it doesn''t get worn all the time.

A year ago for our third anniversary, my hubby bought me (well i did all the research) a 5 stone ring that i wear with my band. That ring is much more sentimental to me than my "e-ring" because it was given to me for a special occasion.
Don''t get my wrong, I love my solitare. but if the day ever comes when i decide to go bigger, i still wouldn''t consider it an upgrade as there''s no feelings attached to the stone or ring by either me or my husband.

 

[UCLABelle]

Rob09-I am sure people have lots of reasons---all different. I actually went down in size for each "upgrade". They were more changes----

 

[HollyS]

Date: 8/22/2008 11:37:25 AM
Author: Mrs.Hall(almost)
Well in my case, it is just as you described. We are young and simply got what we could afford at the given time. We came into a lump sum of money and my Fiance and I decided to upgrade 30 points. Is this my last upgrade? Nope, he wants me to have my dream ring before we get married. Will I ever change my wedding band? Absolutely not, that is where my sentiment lies! Just as your socioeconomic status changes and you get a nicer car, a bigger home, what''s the problem with a nicer ring if both have consented? By the way I think that it is extremely unfair to assume that those that upgrade during an engagement are somehow, gold diggers or selfish, I know my words not yours, but you were thinking it?

Sweeping assumptions are not cool.

WHO is making sweeping assumptions?

My husband asked a question, which I forwarded; he made no pronouncements of values. He has them; but he didn''t share them; and he didn''t word his question in that manner. But since ''they aren''t cool'', by all means, let me share.

Here are my assumptions: I assume that people who were married prior to having any real money may want to upgrade at a certain point. I assume that if the guy did a "surprise!" engagement, and is okay with the gal changing the setting, etc, they will pick a different ring. I assume that a couple who have been married umpteen years will want to celebrate that, and sometimes they both get a new ring(s). I assume that if a diamond or the setting becomes damaged in some way, that might translate to an upgrade. I assume that if you have 4 or 5 rings in 4 or 5 years; or you''ve simply just changed your mind more than once while engaged . . . well, I assume there are bigger issues at play.

 

[vespergirl]

I''ve been married 2 years, and this is my 4th diamond, same setting. Mine wasn''t a "size" upgrade, it was a shape change. We got engaged (it was a total surprise) and then went ring shopping the next day, so we didn''t do ANY research. I wanted a 1.5 - 2 ct asscher, but my husband really wanted me to get a 2 ct RB. Since we shopped together though, we picked a 1.64 ct asscher. When I got it set & on my finger though, it looked small, and when I saw the measurements, it faced up smaller than a 1 ct RB! Since I really wanted a 7.5 - 8 mm diamond, and my asscher was only 6.2 mm, we traded up to a 2.25 ct asscher two months later, but I wasn''t happy with it because it had a dark "deep drop" step, that I didn''t like. So I traded that one for a 2.2 ct asscher with a better pattern, but then I realized that what I was really missing was the sparkle and spread of an RB.

So, when we were married for 1.5 years, my husband let me trade in the asscher for an H&A RB, 2.01 cts, like he had originally wanted to get me, and I love it. I just love the sparkle of an RB in a solitaire for an ering, so I told him that he was right, that''s what I should have gotten originally, and now I''m happy Thank goodness, our jeweler has a 100% trade-up policy, so they give you 100% of the stone credit when you trade up - my final trade-up only cost $200!

 

[Shoopy]

This is such an interesting thread!!!

I probably will never upgrade although I already plan on changing my setting. I love it and want to keep the same style but I''m pretty bummed that it''s 14K and not platinum. I''m so nervous about it turning yellow (it''s WG) that I rather get platinum and not worry about it anymore.

That''s years down the line though.

 

[Mrs.Hall(almost)]

You can calm down, I wasn''t talking to you

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 8/22/2008 8:29:29 AM
Author: HollyS
To serial upgraders,(and that isn''t everyone who weighed in here), my husband''s comment about this thread was:

''How do you ignore the importance and significance of the rings you were married with, only to replace them with set after set, year after year? How can you replace sentimentality and something so sacred with just another piece of jewelry -- no matter how nice?''

I have a feeling quite a few men feel that way.

Since I picked out my engagement ring, there wasn''t really sentimental value with that - he just took me shopping & told me to pick out whatever I wanted. I do have a special feeling about my wedding band, though. That was the rign that was used during our marriage ceremony, so that is the one that is special to me. If my husband had picked out my ering on his own I would have never changed it, but since I picked it, and he didn''t even like what I had opriginally picked, he didn''t really mind when I wanted to change it.

 

[musey]

Date: 8/22/2008 8:29:29 AM
Author: HollyS
To serial upgraders,(and that isn't everyone who weighed in here), my husband's comment about this thread was:

'How do you ignore the importance and significance of the rings you were married with, only to replace them with set after set, year after year? How can you replace sentimentality and something so sacred with just another piece of jewelry -- no matter how nice?'

I have a feeling quite a few men feel that way.

Probably true (that many men feel that way).

The answer to your husband's question, which you already know, is that not everyone attaches such sentimental meaning to their rings. Some people believe that it's the marriage itself that holds all the importance, and material goods (even those meant to 'represent' the marriage/engagement/etc.) are relatively meaningless in comparison. A lot of them consider the important thing to be that you wear *A* ring, any ring, not necessarily *THE* original ring.

I happen to feel a great sense of attachment to my original ring, and don't feel I could replace the sentimentality of it with another piece... so I won't likely upgrade. I do think, though, that if both partners are comfortable and okay with replacing/upgrading the original ring, there's absolutely no harm in it

 

[sklingem]

Honestly I could care less if people upgraded their ring(s) every single month of their engagement and/or marriage. People choose to spend their money on all sorts of things - any choices may seem pathetic/frivolous to others if they do not value the same things. If both partners are OK with it - I am going to be the last one to criticize. That also goes for the assumption that people associate special feelings with their first e-ring - that may or may not be true. No rights or wrongs - just differences in preferences and attitudes. So ... happy upgrading !!!

 

[Rhea]

I haven''t had any upgrades. I will probably need a re-set at some point because my setting is in bad condition. I don''t want an upgrade, but I kind of do. I wish we had gotten it right the first time, but we didn''t so a replacement of some kind might be necessary at some point in the future should my DH and I wish to continue for me to wear an engagement style ring. DH doesn''t believe in upgrades at all.

 

[justjulia]

23 years married
22 rocks
3 settings

We married with simple gold bands. At year 16 I wanted a diamond. Dh gets a thrill out of the hunt as much as I do. I''ve tried just about every combination of color, shape, and size. (Great upgrade policy, so why not.) Man, I loved them all.
Who knew so much pleasure could come out of a rock? Some people garden; I do diamonds. I don''t expect anyone to understand this passion.

As long as fiances or husbands are on the same page, what''s the fret?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

0 times, but I''ve upgraded other items like my stud earrings and my pendant. I probably won''t ever upgrade my ring.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Never, but I will definitely be growing my collection of RHRs.

I''m just way too sentimental about this ring and setting, my DH worked so incredibly hard on the design and he nailed it.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Date: 8/22/2008 8:29:29 AM
Author: HollyS
To serial upgraders,(and that isn''t everyone who weighed in here), my husband''s comment about this thread was:


''How do you ignore the importance and significance of the rings you were married with, only to replace them with set after set, year after year? How can you replace sentimentality and something so sacred with just another piece of jewelry -- no matter how nice?''


I have a feeling quite a few men feel that way.

the actual rings we were married with i would never get rid of or upgrade, they''re just plain white gold bands with engraving. as for an actual "set" or engagement ring, i don''t really attach much sentimental value to them. my first actual er was a platinum bridge design and i had a lot of problems with the setting, we thought it was a problem with the platinum so we traded it in for the same ring in wg. the stones were a little bigger 2nd time around because i downgraded on the metal. i continued having problems with the setting even in wg and i could never really love it because of that. i found something else in a more sturdy design that i loved and fi signed off on it. i traded in my second er for a bracelet and hen we bought the new one from a different vendor. i have had no more problems since then! yay for quality jewelers!

 

[purpleshirt]

Date: 8/21/2008 10:40:51 PM
Author: old-fashioned girl

Date: 8/21/2008 4:07:42 PM

Author: purpleshirt

4 (one for pretty much every year of marriage)


but I kept my original AND all my upgrades except the last one

This time I'm blissfully happy and for the first time don't feel a need to upgrade again. it's perfect (I've only had it a few months though lol)

PS, do you mean you kept the setting and the diamonds? Do you wear them, or just the current perfect one? (I'm just curious, because sometimes I have thought, if I could buy another wedding set that I loved & was perfect, would I ever bother wearing my (current) old one?)

Yes, I kept the settings and the diamonds for all but the last. For the last setting, I traded in both my setting and diamond towards the purchase price of my new set. I still have all the others, including my original set and will never part with that one. I don't really wear the other ones anymore because I love my new set so much. Prior to this set, I alternated which set I wore quite frequently, depending on my mood

to the poster RE the disregarding sacredness....DH just cares that I wear something to show I"m married. He's happy that I'm happy. I can see why others prefer to keep and wear only their originals. To each her own Not everyone attaches the same sentiment/sacredness to the originals. I love jewelery, and I love changing it out. DH on the other hand will wear only his originals and strongly prefers to keep it that way. It also has never been an issue of money. Only a change in taste.

 

[musey]

Date: 8/22/2008 3:19:23 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
Never, but I will definitely be growing my collection of RHRs.

I''m just way too sentimental about this ring and setting, my DH worked so incredibly hard on the design and he nailed it.

He really, really did! It''s just perfect in every way, IMO. You can tell that he put a LOT of thought and effort into it.

 

[bee*]

I'll never upgrade my e-ring but I wouldn't be opposed to getting a beautiful RHR in the future. My e-ring is my dream ring and I could never replace it.

 

[UCLABelle]

HollyS-Your husband has a good point---if my husband picked out my first ring, I would have kept it. He didn't. I do however still have the first item of jewelry he ever bought me (a small sapphire ring from Macy's and almost everything else he picked himself)...but once again you write that there are "bigger issues at play". Just out of curiosity, are you a psychologist or counselor? (not being mean, so do not take it that way, but I notice you tend to write statements like the one you just posted...)

 

[elle_chris]

UCLABelle- I think if the guy put alot of thought into the e-ring then yeah, I wouldn''t upgrade. On the other hand, some men (like my husband) couldn''t care less about jewelry. They walk in, tell them what they want (size wise), buy and walk out. It''s just not their thing. Guys like that wouldn''t usually care if you upgrade, change settings or whatnot.

 

[UCLABelle]

I agree!

 

[justjulia]

I love it, "serial upgraders." That made my day.

Well, we''re old married folks who have been through a whole lot of life experiences together. Jewelry is just another way we provide pleasure for each other. I like "serial pleasure exchangers." How about that?

 

[LostieLovesBling]

I just got my upgrade. I have been married 8 years. My first diamond was a 1 carat three stone ring with .25 carats on each side. My new diamond is over 2 carats and I love it. I hope this one sticks as long as the first did!

 

[HollyS]

UCLA: No, not a counselor. Just curious. I think we all understand issues of design, quality, or fit in exchanging e-rings more than once prior to marriage. It''s the change for the sake of change that I find puzzling. Why is the final stone/design decision such a difficult one to make? What are the factors that make a person happy with their ring until (fill in the blank), and then a change is neccessary? How do people get unenamored of something they themselves may have chosen just months before? Because, as you said in a previous post, it isn''t always about the size.

And I don''t view your post as being ''mean''; and I hope you won''t think I''m being ugly on purpose when I use your example: At one time you felt, and posted in these words, that your Tiffany EC was perfect and your final ring. But, it wasn''t really. You really wanted the Legacy; and you said as much on this thread. And yet, you just knew you would eventually be unhappy with the color once you knew it was an I, so you got your EC back. You see, I think every one of your rings was beautiful; yet none of them satisfied you. . . they just weren''t THE ONE. Why has it been so hard for you to decide what you really want?

I have an idea that you are a perfectionist, and you just haven''t experienced your version of perfection yet when it comes to your ring. I''m going to point out, as another example, that you weren''t originally very happy with your wedding pictures; yet we all thought they were absolutely beautiful. I think you are hard on yourself, and by extension, the choices that you make. And I apologize if I have been out of line with my ''pseudo psychology''

It''s curiousity that prompts this post; not a condemnation of anyone''s values.

 

[UCLABelle]

HollyS- I 100% agree with your assumption of me. I am a perfectionist. Some may think it is a bad trait or character flaw, I am happy to be one. I find it a key to my success at many things

A few notes of correction (and/or update) the wedding photos I discovered (after sorting through the 450+) that they were, in fact, wonderful. I was lucky! I was not originally happy only because I never saw the photographer (and the few I first got were not my favorites). This is not atypical.

As for the rings-I don''t seek out changes in rings, rather I seem to find (after a little while) what it is that I truly like and/or dislike with a ring. It takes being on my finger for a while for someone like me (a perfectionist) to determine whether or not it is the right ring. This is my method, each person has their own. Some people, such as yourself, get really lucky and are happy forever with their ring. And for some people, a ring should not be changed (or not changed often), for me (personally) I see no issue with working to get it 100% (or at least 99% right

).

I will not doubt that when I got each ring I was probably very happy! I was! Especially the Emerald Cut (it is a GREAT center stone!). And it is true that I always felt the Legacy was pure perfection (as is the HW micropave and rings of similar design...oh and DF''s ring...oh and the Hope Diamond!). However, I really felt the EC was the one! Until my hatred for trilliants next to the EC set in

and the height off my finger (which is just too high for daily use!).

Perhaps my MAJOR problem, is that each ring I have had, I did not try on before getting (most were bought online). I have learned my lesson!!

I find my changes are all issues of design, quality or fit (style) and never see it as a change for the sake of change. For me, it is difficult to find the perfect ring (maybe, one does not exist!). However, I have definitely (with experience!) narrowed it down

---once again, for me

As if you care

1) Near-Colorless (anything higher than "I", I have found I eventually see warmth in diamonds, unfortunately)

2) Size does not matter so much as the setting!

3) I like rings that sit low...very low!

4) I love step-cuts, but they need a bit more bling (hence why I liked the Legacy!)

5) I strongly dislike trilliants (but love nearly every other side-stone!).

I don''t find you being "ugly" on-purpose. I am sorta use to your posts regarding this---I loved your last line "It''s curiousity that prompts this post; not a condemnation of anyone''s values.

" because I personally viewed your posts regarding my ring changes as the latter

 

[butterfly 17]

I''ve upgraded twice, changed my setting twice with the first diamond and once with the second diamond. The first upgrade was for my 10th anniversary and the second was for my 15th.

So far, I am satisfied with the diamond size and the setting!

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 8/22/2008 8:29:29 AM
Author: HollyS
To serial upgraders,(and that isn''t everyone who weighed in here), my husband''s comment about this thread was:

''How do you ignore the importance and significance of the rings you were married with, only to replace them with set after set, year after year? How can you replace sentimentality and something so sacred with just another piece of jewelry -- no matter how nice?''

I have a feeling quite a few men feel that way.

I actually never got an e-ring when I got married, I had to wait 10 years for a diamond, so this doesn''t really apply to me.

If I had gotten one to begin with though, I am sure it would have sentimental value, I am sure I would still own it and never trade it in, perhaps get new bling, but not replace the first.