- Joined
- May 11, 2012
- Messages
- 9,786
I'm writing an update because a year and a half later, I'm still agonizing about this engagement ring. As before, I feel terrible when I wear it--because I don't like the ring--and I feel even more terrible from the guilt of not liking it.
To make matters worse, everyone around me, especially people getting engaged, are receiving gorgeous rings. My husband even went with his friend to help choose a ring for his friend's girlfriend, and my husband chose the ring! Of course it was much nicer, larger, etc. than the one he chose for me. And he was so proud of himself for picking it out.
I just feel so sad looking at all these amazing diamonds on this website, and feeling like I'll never have one of my own that I love. My husband actually took me to a jewelry store to buy a new band, but I couldn't bring myself to get one because the band isn't the only problem--it's the diamond too.
Ugh. Everyone here is so sweet and positive, and you seem to understand that wanting a nice ring you love doesn't make you a bad person. So I just wanted to commiserate. Thanks for listening.
Some men don't get it. I married a man that didn't get it, probably still doesn't get it. We both went through years of angst because he bought me an engagement ring with a dark red oval ruby centre and two pear diamonds so I three stone engagement ring without asking me in a style I don't like. His mother who works in the trade picked out the ruby, and I being a gemstone geek all my life don't like it either because it's too dark and the setting it's set it makes it look even darker. He thought being a gemstone geek I would love it way more than a simple single diamond or a large diamond ring.
We spent years of contention and in the same cycle of him feeling bad he was told he got it so badly wrong, me feeling guilty that I told him that I hated the ring and so on. Then I just bought a number of diamonds and upgraded until I was happy. To be honest I think he felt bad I even needed to do this, men don't like to be told they did a bad job of something so if I was you I would say that it's common for women to upgrade after being married for a while, what he purchased was fine when you got married and when he thought that was what you wanted, but now you want something else. Make it all about you not about him. That's what I would have done differently tried to spare his feelings a little bit more while still ultimately getting what I wanted.